Summary of "The Truth About Approval and Identity | Ep 291" by Leila Hormozi

In Episode 291 of "Build with Leila Hormozi," titled "The Truth About Approval and Identity," host Leila Hormozi delves deep into the complexities of seeking approval and forming one's identity amidst public scrutiny and criticism. Drawing from her personal experiences and observations, Leila offers a compelling framework for individuals striving to build unshakeable businesses and authentic lives.

Introduction to Applause and Criticism

Leila begins the episode by addressing the pervasive nature of both applause and criticism in the digital age. She shares her recent experiences with online criticism, highlighting how even successful figures like herself are not immune to negative feedback.

Leila (02:00): "I never send people negative things people say about them, because I just don't see the point. What is somebody's opinion? It is what it is."

Early Challenges and Public Perception

Reflecting on her journey, Leila recounts the initial backlash she faced before amassing a significant following. She identifies key areas of criticism, including her voice, her role relative to her husband, and her perceived intensity.

Leila (05:30): "People were constantly criticizing my voice. You sound like Ben Shapiro, or you sound like you're a smoker or you're on steroids."

She candidly discusses how these criticisms affected her, leading her to overidentify with negative perceptions until she developed a stronger sense of self.

The Impact of Seeking Approval

Leila emphasizes the dangers of allowing external approval to dictate one's actions and identity. She argues that relying on others' opinions can distort one's true self and hinder authentic growth.

Leila (15:45): "If you let people define you, good or bad, you spend your entire life becoming a reflection of their preferences instead of a reflection of your own."

Criticism as a Mirror

Shifting focus to criticism, Leila explores how negative feedback often reveals more about the critic than the individual being criticized. She explains that criticism stems from the critic's discomfort with certain aspects of the other's life or behavior.

Leila (27:20): "Criticism reveals so much more about them than about you."

Leila shares personal anecdotes where she grappled with understanding why certain individuals criticized her, ultimately recognizing that their discomfort was a projection of their own insecurities and beliefs.

Aligning Actions with Personal Values

A central theme of the episode is the importance of aligning one's actions with personal values rather than external approval. Leila advises listeners to introspect and determine whether their actions are rooted in their own values or merely a response to avoid judgment.

Leila (40:10): "Values are not feelings. Values are decisions. You don't find them and you don't feel them. You pick them intentionally."

She underscores that consciously chosen values provide a stable foundation that makes one resilient to both praise and criticism.

Practical Framework for Navigating Approval and Identity

Leila outlines a three-part framework to help individuals navigate the complexities of approval and identity:

1. Applause is Not a North Star: Recognize that praise is merely a reflection of others' preferences and not an objective measure of your path or values.

   Leila (50:05): "Someone applauding you is just someone else expressing a preference. It's not a value, it's not a law, and it's certainly not a truth."

2. Criticism Reflects the Critic's State: Understand that criticism often stems from the critic's inability to manage their discomfort and is more indicative of their internal state than your own shortcomings.

   Leila (1:02:15): "Criticism is often when something about you makes somebody else uncomfortable, and they don't know how to manage that discomfort."

3. Choose Your Values Intentionally: Actively select values that resonate with your true self rather than inheriting them passively from external sources. This deliberate choice fortifies your identity against external fluctuations.

   Leila (1:15:30): "When you consciously choose, like, these are the values I want to live my life by, and then you act in alignment with them. Life gets so much simpler now."

Building Confidence Through Values

Leila asserts that authentic confidence emerges from living in harmony with one's values rather than seeking external validation. By anchoring oneself in personal values, individuals can remain steadfast amidst criticism and avoid the pitfalls of chasing fleeting approval.

Leila (1:25:50): "Real confidence comes from grounding energy, the kind that comes from keeping the promises we make to ourselves, being the person we want to be behind closed doors."

Conclusion: Embracing Authenticity

In wrapping up the episode, Leila encourages listeners to prioritize understanding and adhering to their own values over seeking approval. She reminds them that applause does not equate to righteousness, nor does criticism equate to failure. The ultimate judgment that matters is one's own alignment with their chosen values.

Leila (1:30:10): "Applause doesn't mean you're right, and criticism doesn't mean you're wrong. The only judgment that matters is your own, measured against what you've chosen to stand for."

Key Takeaways

• Self-Alignment Over External Approval: Prioritize living in accordance with your personal values rather than seeking validation from others.

• Understanding Criticism: Recognize that criticism often reflects the critic's internal struggles and discomfort rather than your own deficiencies.

• Intentional Value Selection: Consciously choose and define your values to build a resilient and authentic identity.

• Confidence from Within: True confidence stems from staying true to your values, not from chasing applause or avoiding criticism.

Leila Hormozi’s insightful discussion in this episode provides a robust framework for anyone looking to build a stable and authentic personal and professional identity. By focusing on internal values and understanding the nature of external feedback, listeners are equipped to navigate the challenges of public life and business with resilience and authenticity.