Podcast Summary: Build with Leila Hormozi

Episode 319: The Truth About Your Haters

Release Date: September 22, 2025
Host: Leila Hormozi

Overview

In this episode, Leila Hormozi dives deep into the topic of "haters"—why they show up as you succeed, how to handle them, and the psychological frameworks she uses to keep her focus and sanity while scaling businesses to high levels. Drawing on her own experience and a recent personal story, Leila offers actionable mental models for entrepreneurs and ambitious individuals who find themselves facing unexpected negativity and online attacks as their profile grows.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Reality of Success and Haters

• Success Shrinks Your Support Circle:
  Leila opens with the frank reality that, "Success requires autonomy. Happiness requires connection. They're not even close." (00:02)
  As you become more successful, your true supporters often shrink in number, while the number of detractors and people threatened by your progress increases.

• Making Peace with Hate:
  It’s not a matter of if you’ll have haters, but how you'll handle them. Leila emphasizes the importance of accepting hate as an automatic byproduct of meaningful achievement.

2. A Friend’s Story – The Modern Problem of Social Media Hate

• Case Example:
  Leila shares a personal story about a friend struggling after a deepfake video misrepresented her online (01:47). Despite clarifying the situation, her friend continued to be targeted and doubted, illustrating how rumors and negativity persist and amplify online regardless of your efforts to respond.

3. Four Core Frameworks for Handling Hate

Framework 1: Play It Out – Should You Respond?

• Don't Feed the Flames:
  "Think of hate like fire, and your reaction is like gasoline. You can either feed the flames or you can starve them out." (07:14)
  Responding usually gives haters the attention they seek and teaches them that their tactics work.

• Focus on What You Want to Change:
  When negative content appears, ask yourself: "What do you want to have happen?" If your goal is for it to stop, responding isn't effective.

• Concrete Example:
  Leila recalls a brutal YouTube video about her that went viral. Her choice: "Nothing. Do nothing."
  She observes that most hate blows over quickly: "In two weeks you will be yesterday's news." (12:36)

Framework 2: The "So What?" Principle

• Detach from Unfounded Criticism:
  When attacked, ask: "Did you lose money? Did your spouse leave you? Did your customers leave you? 98% of the time, nothing has happened." (16:00)
  Don’t let outside opinions dictate your internal state if your actual circumstances haven’t changed.

• Key Quote:
  "If someone's words don't alter your actual circumstances, they are only hurting you if you decide they matter." (17:03)

Framework 3: Hate Is the Price of Success

• Direct Correlation:
  "The more successful you become, the more people will hate you, period." (23:12)

• Jealousy and Insecurity Are Human Nature:
  People who once supported you can turn when you surpass them, often out of their own discomfort or insecurity.

• Happiness vs. Success:
  "Being happy and being successful, not the same thing." (25:28)
  Distinguishing these is crucial—success almost guarantees more scrutiny and more haters.

• Key Quote:
  "Success and hate go hand in hand. The more success, the more hate." (26:41)

Framework 4: Don't Dilute Yourself to Avoid Hate

• Embrace Your Authenticity:
  "If you try to eliminate what people hate, you will water down what people love. And then you become vanilla, safe and forgettable." (30:18)

• Polarization Is a Side Effect of Impact:
  The very traits that attract loyal followers will repel others. Attempts to sanitize your brand lead to mediocrity.

• Key Quote:
  "I would rather be loved for who I am and hated for who I am than loved and hated for somebody that I'm not. At least in that instance, I have respect for myself." (35:09)

Memorable Quotes & Notable Moments

• On Reaction to Hate:
  "You are proving to them that they can get under your skin. And you're teaching them this works." - Leila Hormozi (08:39)

• On Reality of Online Cycles:
  "Please remember, in two weeks you will be yesterday's news." (12:36)

• On Authenticity:
  "Do not dilute yourself to be more palatable because, ironically, less people will love you because less people also hate you." (38:10)

• On Self-Respect:
  "At least in that instance, I have respect for myself. I have pride in who I am. I have confidence. And I don't feel the need to act in front of a camera, act in front of people, act in a boardroom. I can just show up as me." (35:23)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:02 – 02:20: Contrasting happiness and success; introduction to today’s theme.
• 02:21 – 06:28: Story of a friend targeted by an AI-created hate video.
• 07:12 – 12:36: Framework 1 – Playing it out, why not to respond, personal example of not engaging with hate.
• 16:00 – 19:32: Framework 2 – "So What?" principle and its application.
• 23:12 – 28:55: Framework 3 – Hate as the price of success; the link between achievement and negative attention; happiness vs. success.
• 30:18 – 37:10: Framework 4 – The dangers of diluting yourself; the necessity (and cost) of polarizing authenticity.
• 37:11 – End: Final thoughts, summary questions, and encouragement.

Actionable Summing-Up & Closing Insights

Leila ends with these final reminders:

• Don't Feed the Beast: Refrain from engaging haters; it only emboldens them.
• Ask "So What?": Don’t let what doesn’t matter ruin your life or business.
• Accept Hate as a Feature of Success: It's a package deal, not a flaw.
• Do Not Dilute Yourself: Fewer haters also means fewer true fans—embrace your authenticity.

She concludes with empathetic encouragement, normalizing the pain of public criticism while assuring that inner work and steadfastness pay off.

"You cannot control who likes you. You cannot control who hates you. You can only control becoming the best version of yourself." (38:41)

Episode Tone

Direct, no-nonsense, and empathetic. Leila shares her hard-won lessons with a mix of toughness and compassion, encouraging authenticity and resilience for anyone enduring public scrutiny or online criticism.