Bulwark Takes – "Sarah Matthews Has One Very Specific Dating Dealbreaker"

Date: February 15, 2026
Host: Sarah Longwell
Guests: Rachel Jan Faza, Sarah Matthews

Episode Overview

In this special Valentine’s Day episode, Sarah Longwell convenes a candid roundtable with Bulwark contributors Rachel Jan Faza and Sarah Matthews to dissect the evolving landscape of Gen Z and millennial dating. Drawing on recent survey data and personal anecdotes, they explore how dating norms, political divides, social media, and economic pressures are reshaping young Americans' romantic expectations and behaviors. The conversation covers everything from ghosting and "breadcrumbing," to the political and cultural dealbreakers facing singles, especially women, in today’s charged environment.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Gen Z’s Dating Lexicon: What’s New, What’s Not

• Breadcrumbing Defined

  • Rachel Jan Faza introduces "breadcrumbing" as sporadically sending minimal messages to keep someone interested without committing ([02:01]).

    "Breadcrumbing is when you're sending sporadic text messages that are like leaving little trails of breadcrumbs behind you... can really be leading people on honestly but you're not fully closing the book on the relationship altogether." – Rachel Jan Faza [02:01]

  • Sarah Matthews elaborates:

    "You're like feeding them just enough to keep them interested, but you're not giving them fully satisfying them. So they keep coming back for more." – Sarah Matthews [02:39]

• Old Patterns, New Terminology

  • Sarah Longwell points out that much of this just puts new labels on long-standing human behaviors:

    "That's not a new thing... This is a tale as old as time. Is it just that it's now there's like a digital way to do this and that's, that's the new. Or there's just new terminology." – Sarah Longwell [02:56]

2. Modern Dating: The DC "Trenches" and Shifting Power

• High Standards and Independence

  • Matthews describes the dating pool of successful, independent DC women who set a "very high bar" for potential partners:

    "I love my life so much that there is a very high bar for anyone that I’m going to bring into that life because I don’t want you disrupting my peace. So you need to be adding value." – Sarah Matthews [05:12]

• Low Commitment Culture

  • Faza’s research shows Gen Z as a "very low commitment generation," affected by financial anxiety and a comfort with independence, particularly among women ([06:16]).

• Social Media & Perpetual Options

  • Social media creates an illusion of endless choices and higher expectations for physical appearance, further driving non-commitment ([06:16]).

3. Politics as Dealbreaker: Love in the Age of Division

• Political Sorting and Gender Gaps

  • Longwell raises the numeric and ideological mismatch in the dating pool due to political identification: more conservative men than women, and liberal women often unwilling to date Trump supporters.

    "If young women do not want to date someone who might vote for Donald Trump, they start to be at like a numbers disadvantage." – Sarah Longwell [08:49]

• Values-Driven Filtering

  • Matthews details how women are making politics a core part of their romantic filtering, especially around issues like bodily autonomy:

    "You're not with me on my bodily autonomy... you don't align with my values. So I'm not going to want to go on a date with someone like you." – Sarah Matthews [10:49]

  • If a man omits his politics from a dating profile, women may assume the worst and pass:

    "If you don't have your political affiliation listed on the app, then women just assume, oh, they're a conservative, and that's why they didn't put it." – Sarah Matthews [11:12]

• Rising Male "Loneliness Epidemic"

  • The group touches on how rising female selectiveness coincides with a subset of men feeling left out and resentful.

4. Sex, Technology, and Consent: The Digital Impact

• The Pornification of Dating

  • Matthews describes the ubiquity of social-media sleuthing and the instant dealbreakers it enables:

    "One of the first things I do... when I meet a guy, we go through their Instagram following. If you're following a porn star — out. If you’re following a bunch of thirst trap [women]... out." – Sarah Matthews [17:58]

  • The panel notes the conflicting expectations men now face: exposure to hyper-sexualized online content but also a nostalgia for "trad wife" ideals ([17:58]).

• Anxiety Around Consent

  • Faza highlights the post-MeToo landscape, where anxieties about consent and approachability can inhibit young men, while women are more wary about online behavior ([16:35]).

5. Are Old Patterns Changing or Just Amplified?

• What’s New & What’s Timeless

  • Longwell reflects on whether the mix of indecision, high expectations, and sexual tension is fundamentally new, or whether technology just amplifies age-old dynamics ([20:01]).

    "The problem with the Internet is that it takes all of the things that are normal and human, and it both amplifies them... and also puts them online for everybody to look at."

• Will the Traditional Life Cycle Repeat?

  • Discussion about whether the urge to "settle down" and have children will eventually win out over non-commitment and independence.
  • Faza and Matthews are uncertain but point to trends of declining birth rates and delayed marriage ([21:49]).

6. Economic Barriers & the Erosion of Self-Sacrifice

• Financial Stability as a Prerequisite

  • DC singles now see stable finances as a precondition for partnership—unlike previous generations who simply married "and were poor" ([24:51]).

• "Single Tax" and Reluctance to Compromise

  • Even with the burden of higher costs for singles, both Matthews and Faza say modern women aren’t willing to "settle" for the sake of splitting rent or for social status:

    "I'm not willing to compromise on that just to have a partner... I want it to be a man that is going to be someone that my children can emulate." – Sarah Matthews [28:00]

• Self-Care and Individual Branding

  • Faza observes that individualism is so powerful that partnership can feel like a threat to one’s personal "brand":

    "When you bring someone else into the picture, they're part of your brand now too. And I think that turns a lot of people off." – Rachel Jan Faza [25:27]

7. Memorable and Lighthearted Moments

• Investigation Skills of Women

  "The FBI should be run by women because we will find anything about you and we can dig up anything about you." – Sarah Matthews [18:30]

• Valentine’s Day Well Wishes

  "I hope you all have a great time and find love or solitude or Netflix or whatever it is you do." – Sarah Longwell [32:03]

• Sarah’s Personal Dealbreaker

  • Matthews lightheartedly shares her unique dating pet peeve:

    "If a guy messages me on a dating app, I don't even want to tell you how many times they've led with, so I recognize you from Ms. Now or I recognize you from the bulwark. And I'm like, oh, next." – Sarah Matthews [31:18]

Notable Quotes

• "Breadcrumbing is when you're sending sporadic text messages that are like leaving little trails of breadcrumbs behind you... can really be leading people on." – Rachel Jan Faza [02:01]

• "I'm in the trenches, as we call it... all my girlfriends in DC, 99% of them are single...we find that there are a lot of men who don't want to commit and they want company, but they don't want companionship." – Sarah Matthews [05:01]

• "Politics equals values for so many people and especially for young women...if your potential partner isn't going to support [reproductive] rights, that's really hard to stomach." – Rachel Jan Faza [14:43]

• "Before I go on a date with you...you best believe I know, like, where you went to college, where you're from, like, all these things. Like, I have already done my research." – Sarah Matthews [18:13]

• "When you bring someone else into the picture, you're...they're part of your brand now too. And I think that turns a lot of people off." – Rachel Jan Faza [25:27]

Key Timestamps

• [02:01] – What is "breadcrumbing"?
• [05:01] – High standards and dating in DC
• [06:16] – Gen Z’s low commitment and financial anxieties
• [08:49] – How politics is impacting the dating pool
• [14:43] – Politics as proxy for core values and reproductive rights
• [16:35] – Sex, consent, and how internet culture shapes dating behaviors
• [17:58] – Instagram sleuthing and modern dealbreakers
• [21:49] – Will declining birth rates and non-commitment persist?
• [25:27] – Independence and the "brand" of singlehood

Overall Tone & Takeaway

Friendly, honest, and incisively funny, the episode is both eye-opening and relatable, primarily for women navigating today's fraught romantic scene but also for anyone interested in the intersection of culture, technology, and politics. The conversation surfaces the realities behind rising singleness and independence, the strain of political polarization, and the persistent hope that, at some point, many will still choose companionship—albeit with a higher threshold and after plenty of digital vetting.