Bulwark Takes: "Snowflake Pete Hegseth’s War on Dad Bods"
Date: October 14, 2025
Hosts: JVL and Andrew Egger
Main Theme / Episode Overview
This episode delves into the recent spectacle at the Department of Defense, focusing on Secretary Pete Hegseth’s public fixation with the physical appearance of soldiers—particularly exposed by the memes and reaction to “husky” National Guardsmen deployed to Illinois. JVL and Andrew Egger lampoon how Hegseth’s ultra-macho posture is belied by a sensitive obsession with online criticism, and they dissect the broader implications of his approach for military policy and press freedom. The episode weaves together sharp satire, policy critique, and concerns about the US military under Hegseth, all in the irreverent, cutting Bulwark fashion.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The “Dad Bod” National Guard Meme and Hegseth's Sensibilities
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Background & Social Media Mockery
- Texas National Guard, deployed to Illinois, became the subject of viral ridicule after photos emerged showing some members as "husky" or "big-boned."
- JVL quips, “Are you old enough to remember Silence of the Lambs?... Oh, was she a big fat person?” [00:47]
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Hegseth’s Response to the Mockery
- Despite championing “warrior standards,” Pete Hegseth is hypersensitive to online ridicule, quickly replacing the photographed “husky” soldiers.
- JVL: “Ben and announced that they had gone and replaced some of those husky Texas National Guard soldiers with people who are more physically fit.” [01:10]
- Andrew Egger: “It would be very easy for another guy in Pete Hegseth's role to just ignore this online clowning...but the idea that people are laughing at this stuff online is very hateful to him.” [02:31]
Notable Quote:
- “It’s so weird to be a super duper butch war fighting warrior, tip of the spear and also to be so obsessed with what people are tweeting about you.” – JVL [05:20]
2. Standards, Role-Fitting, and Image Over Substance
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Meaningful Standards vs. Image Policing
- JVL: “I believe that standards are good… but I do feel like the standards need to be tethered to the actual job. Like…if you had somebody who was a painter, you would not ask them to pass a bunch of standards in sculpture.” [03:58]
- Argues that law enforcement auxiliary roles do not require “Mr. Universe” physiques, but need training and appropriate disposition.
- Both hosts agree: standards matter, but Hegseth’s version is about optics, not function.
Memorable Moment:
- JVL lampoons Hegseth’s phrasing: “Frankly, it’s tiring to look out at combat formations or really any formation and see fat troops. It’s tiring to him personally. It gives him a tired.” [05:11]
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Hegseth’s Professional Trajectory and Preoccupation with Image
- Andrew describes Hegseth as someone who transitioned from actual military service to PR roles—raising funds, then becoming a military-themed TV persona.
- Hegseth’s style: “everything he does is shot through with this stuff...it’s...less than this idea that we’re always talking about how much they matter. And we’re always, you know, hustling to get there and we’re always doing burpees, you know, on social media clips.” [06:03–07:00]
- JVL: “Do they look the part?” [07:21]
3. Absurdity of Fitness Fixation for Senior Officers
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Are Generals Supposed to Hit the Gym?
- JVL: “When you’re a general or an admiral, your job is really logistics. You don't need to be able to pick up a pugil stick and do American gladiator shit… What you need to understand is like, well, how do you move forces from place to place? … There’s an old joke… amateurs do strategy and professionals do logistics.” [08:13]
Notable Quote:
- “Do you not understand what the job is, Pete?” – JVL [09:00]
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Satirical Solution: Ozempic for Generals
- Andrew quips about Hegseth not advocating “military dispensation for Ozempic for every general,” to instantly solve the “fat generals” problem. [09:10]
- JVL jokes about right-wing preferences: “The Mahas don’t like that though. They like HGH and Ivermectin not Ozempic or Sertralin.” [09:37]
4. Press Freedom Clampdown at the Pentagon
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Loyalty Pledges and Press Passes
- New policy: Outlets must pledge not to solicit even unclassified info from non-approved sources to retain Pentagon access, functionally banning independent reporting.
- JVL: “…if you are a media outlet that has not signed a plan pledge of loyalty to the Department of Defense, you lose your press pass… which is a complicated way of saying not reporting.” [09:47]
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Journalistic Resistance and Absurdity
- Andrew outlines that not even far-right outlets like One America News, with the exception of OANN itself, have agreed to sign—even Newsmax and Fox are holdouts. Major publications across spectrum refuse.
- The hosts point out the impracticality: “Pentagon press briefings starting tomorrow are going to be like one guy from OANN. It’s just like… is that actually what Pete Hegseth wants?” [12:38]
Key Quote:
- “It would all be really, really funny if it were not again like the US Military. That’s the butt of all these.” – Andrew Egger [13:20]
5. MAGA Media Dynamics and the Need for Enemies in the Room
- MAGA Needs the Press, Even as It Vilifies Them
- JVL speculates: “Isn’t this like Hegseth getting the best of all worlds?” [13:28]
- Andrew responds that MAGA still wants press presence for the performance of scorn; referencing Trump rallies, he says, “It’s all geared around like we are spurning you and we’re flipping you off and we’re spitting on you and we’re kicking you and all that stuff. But you’re still coming back. Like you’re still here, right?” [14:18]
- “If it was just one TV camera from One America News Network, it would be a lot more boring.” [15:10]
6. Senate Confirmation and Accountability
- Why Did So Many Republicans Confirm Hegseth?
- JVL: “It’s kind of amazing that all those Republicans voted to confirm Pete Hegseth as Secretary of Defense, even when every last one of them knew that this is like the least qualified guy to ever be nominated for a serious cabinet post.” [16:06]
- Andrew: “Many such cases. Can I give you like a weird hypothetical?” [16:20]
- JVL introduces the “I’ll be gone, you’ll be gone” mentality, suggesting Senators knew their support was short-term and someone else would deal with the consequences. [16:44]
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|-------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:47 | JVL | “Are you old enough to remember Silence of the Lambs?... Oh, was she a big fat person?” | | 02:31 | Andrew | “It would be very easy for another guy in Pete Hegseth's role to just ignore this online clowning...” | | 05:20 | JVL | “It’s so weird to be a super duper butch war fighting warrior, tip of the spear and also to be so obsessed with what people are tweeting about you.” | | 09:00 | JVL | “Do you not understand what the job is, Pete?” | | 13:20 | Andrew | “It would all be really, really funny if it were not again like the US Military. That’s the butt of all these.” | | 14:18 | Andrew | “It’s all geared around like we are spurning you and we’re flipping you off...But you’re still coming back. Like you’re still here, right?” |
Important Timestamps & Segments
- 00:00 – 02:35: National Guard meme, online ridicule, Hegseth’s sensitivity
- 03:58 – 07:51: Standards debate (“what is job appropriate?”), Hegseth’s image fixation
- 07:51 – 09:37: Generals’ fitness expectations; Ozempic joke
- 09:37 – 13:28: Pentagon press passes controversy, media standoff
- 13:28 – 15:50: MAGA and the dynamic of needing “enemies in the room”
- 16:06 – end: Senate confirmation and “I’ll be gone, you’ll be gone” mentality
Episode Tone & Style
The hosts satirize the pomp and performative machismo of the modern MAGA military complex, blending pop culture references with genuine policy critique. Their banter is irreverent yet substantively grounded, blending frustration with laughter at the current state of U.S. defense leadership.
Summary
This episode eviscerates Pete Hegseth’s tenure as Secretary of Defense, from his performative crusade against “dad bods” in uniform to his press-hostile Pentagon policies. JVL and Andrew Egger blend sharp humor with sobering insights, exposing how image trumps substance in modern MAGA institutions—and how the U.S. military has become the punchline to a very serious joke.