Stupidest Timeline Imaginable: 1600 Penn Is A Drama Filled Diva House

Summary

Podcast Summary: Bulwark Takes – "Stupidest Timeline Imaginable: 1600 Penn Is A Drama Filled Diva House"

Episode Information:

• Title: Stupidest Timeline Imaginable: 1600 Penn Is A Drama Filled Diva House
• Host/Author: The Bulwark (Tim Miller, Sarah Longwell, Bill Kristol, and team)
• Release Date: April 23, 2025

Overview: In this episode of Bulwark Takes, hosts Tim Miller and Sam Stein navigate what they describe as "the stupidest timeline imaginable," delving into a series of tumultuous events unfolding within the corridors of power at the White House. From high-profile clashes between billionaires and government officials to President Trump's peculiar obsession with the White House flagpole, the discussion offers a satirical yet insightful examination of contemporary political dramas.

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1. Elon Musk vs. Treasury Secretary Scott Besant: A Heated Altercation

Timestamp: [00:29] - [05:30]

The episode kicks off with Tim Miller expressing disbelief at recent events, highlighting a bizarre confrontation between Elon Musk and Treasury Secretary Scott Besant. According to Miller, the altercation—described as resembling a WWE match—occurred within earshot of President Trump in the Oval Office during a dispute over IRS appointments.

• Tim Miller: "We just live in the stupidest fucking timeline imaginable." [00:29]

Miller references a report by Mark Caputo from Axios, detailing how Musk and Besant's argument escalated into a shouting match, with a witness noting, "it was two billionaire middle-aged men thinking it was WWE in the hall of the West Wing." [01:44]

Sam Stein adds context by discussing the personnel decisions behind the IRS leadership, mentioning the initial appointment of Gary Shapley—a known Hunter Biden whistleblower—before Trump replaced him with Michael Falkender, whom Musk apparently preferred.

• Sam Stein: "These guys are masters of the universe or were prior to doing this. No one's telling us." [06:38]

The hosts debate the implications of such high-profile disputes within the administration, suggesting that personalities like Musk and Besant, accustomed to being catered to, might react explosively when challenged.

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2. Implications of the IRS Appointment Clash

Timestamp: [05:30] - [07:21]

Miller and Stein delve deeper into why Musk might have been so agitated over Besant's appointment, speculating on possible motivations such as Musk's desire for IRS data alignment with his business interests or personal frustrations stemming from lack of control.

• Tim Miller: "Someone should yell at Scott Bessette and put their finger in his chest and be like, bro, you're gonna ruin the country and this administration." [04:53]

Sam Stein counters by highlighting the instability of individuals like Musk when their influence is curtailed, suggesting that administrative decisions opposing their preferences can lead to volatile reactions.

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3. Donald Trump's Obsession with the White House Flagpole

Timestamp: [07:28] - [10:19]

Shifting focus, the hosts humorously examine President Trump's preoccupation with the White House flagpole. They discuss his meticulous attention to its placement and angle, symbolizing his broader obsession with interior and exterior aesthetics of the White House.

• Tim Miller: "Donald Trump is out there checking out where he wants the 100 foot high American flag." [08:14]

They mockingly describe Trump's actions as driven by a need for perfection, blending satire with critique of his leadership style.

• Sam Stein: "He has to be far and away the President most obsessed with interior and exterior decorating that we've ever had." [09:42]

The conversation extends to Trump's alleged plans for the flagpole, including personal financing and his determination to control its presentation irrespective of national sentiments.

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4. Pentagon's New Makeup Room for Pete Heggs

Timestamp: [10:19] - [13:27]

In a lighter segment, Miller and Stein discuss a peculiar development within the Pentagon—a newly installed makeup studio intended for Defense Secretary Pete Heggs’ television appearances. They speculate humorously on the necessity and purpose of such a facility.

• Tim Miller: "He looks good. He's looking oranger." [13:08]

Sam Stein comments on the absurdity of a high-security government building housing a makeup room, drawing parallels to Hollywood glamor within a military setting.

• Sam Stein: "See, this is how Tim does it. But if you had a makeup room with the makeup, you look unbelievable." [12:21]

The segment underscores the hosts' penchant for blending political commentary with humor, highlighting the sometimes surreal intersections of government operations and personal vanity.

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5. Additional Political Satire and Commentary

Timestamp: [13:27] - [15:04]

The hosts continue their satirical take on political figures, touching upon:

• Donald Trump's Cryptocurrency Ventures: Mocking Trump's financial maneuvers with crypto, suggesting his investments end up funding extravagant projects like flagpole enhancements.

  • Sam Stein: "This is where the Trump coin shit is going to go to spending all his Trump coin on flag poles." [08:55]

• Imitation of Political Speech Patterns: Observing how politicians emulate each other's speaking styles, leading to a homogenized and often disingenuous public persona.

  • Sam Miller: "Why does he talk like Ray Dalio?" [14:07]

• Pentagon's Operational Updates: Light-heartedly addressing the Pentagon's renovations and realignments, blending actual news with comedic exaggeration.

Conclusion:

The episode wraps up with Miller and Stein reinforcing the chaotic and often absurd nature of the current political landscape. They encourage listeners to stay informed through their unique lens, contrasting it with mainstream media outlets.

• Tim Miller: "Be nice to your colleagues. Treat your colleagues well. No. No fights in the hallway." [15:04]

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Notable Quotes:

• Tim Miller: "We live in the stupidest fucking timeline imaginable." [00:29]
• Sam Stein: "He's never done that. People who, like, throw down in the office are weirdos." [02:18]
• Tim Miller: "Donald Trump is out there checking out where he wants the 100 foot high American flag." [08:14]
• Sam Stein: "He has to be far and away the President most obsessed with interior and exterior decorating that we've ever had." [09:42]

Conclusion: This episode of Bulwark Takes offers a blend of sharp political analysis and biting humor, dissecting high-profile conflicts and the eccentricities of political figures. Through lively banter and incisive commentary, Tim Miller and Sam Stein provide listeners with a vivid portrayal of the contemporary political theater, all while emphasizing the absurdity they perceive in the ongoing "stupidest timeline imaginable."

Transcript

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[Tim Miller]

Hey guys, it's Tim Miller from the Bulwark here with managing editor Sam Stein. And we live in the stupidest fucking timeline imaginable. And so some news has happened since we taped the podcast. There's been a billionaire sumo wrestling match in the White House and a couple of other items. News items got like kind of Page six gossip items in normal times, but unfortunately news items that are central to what is happening in our democracy in our era. And so we'll just run through them really quick. Sam, how do you feel? I think we should start with our erstwhile colleague Mark Caputo reporting in Axios. We are hoping to get Mark on for the OGs of the YouTube.

[Sam Stein]

I never even asked.

[Tim Miller]

Well, I just, I assume that when Mark has a story such as this, he should be saying, when are we going to get on YouTube to discuss.

[Sam Stein]

Yeah, that's a good thing. He should ask me.

[Tim Miller]

Yeah. But here it is. Elon Musk and Treasury Secretary Scott Besant got into a heated shouting match. An earshot of President Trump in the Oval Office last week during a dispute about the irs. Quote, it was two billionaire middle aged men thinking it was WWE in the hall of the West Wing. One witness said of the argument, bad news for Scott to bent he's long past middle age.

[Sam Stein]

Well, it's good news for Scott, right? To be described as middle age when you're.

[Tim Miller]

I guess that's true.

[Sam Stein]

Fairly, fairly, fairly past it. There's some great quotes in here. They were not physical in the Oval, but the President saw it and they carried it down the hall and that's when they did it again. One witness said. And then another witness quote, it was quite a scene. It was loud and I mean loud.

[Tim Miller]

Sam, when was the last time you were chest to chest with somebody thinking about throwing hands?

[Sam Stein]

I was thinking about this last Thursday.

[Tim Miller]

Last Thursday.

[Sam Stein]

You were chest to chest with Sebastian. Just did not like producers treating me.

[Tim Miller]

You didn't like the thumbnail in the YouTube video?

[Sam Stein]

I got in his face. I said, do better at thumbnails buddy. No, I didn't do that. I love Sebastian. Sebastian. That's not normal behavior. People who, like, throw down in the office are weirdos. They should not. They need help. But that's kind of like the theme here is people who.

[Tim Miller]

I had a very minor verbal confrontation with a colleague. With a tourist woman at the bar recently, but we were not just.

[Sam Stein]

How many drinks in. Were you.

[Tim Miller]

I was only one drinking. We were not. She was several. We were not chest to chest. She was under the equation. Hold on.

[Sam Stein]

Your history is a little bit shady here. You. You got into with Carrie Lake. Sorry I'm not making you happy.

[Tim Miller]

The other stuff is. I don't know why you're touching me. The other stuff is what you have to do to win. Carrie confronted me. I was just standing.

[Sam Stein]

Who is she in this?

[Tim Miller]

I was going to hug her. I had this effect on people is the thing. But in both of those cases, I mean, look, I have definitely been chest to chest with somebody screaming at them. It's been a long time, though, and in a work setting, I can't. It's hard for me to think we.

[Sam Stein]

Were chest to chest with Trump.

[Tim Miller]

Mr. Trump wouldn't. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Back in 2015. But I mean, like a work colleague, like, I don't. I can't think of a time where that happened to me with a work colleague.

[Sam Stein]

It's never happened.

[Tim Miller]

And I'm pretty. And I'm pretty hot under the collar.

[Sam Stein]

I'm aware if you were in the office about two hours ago instead of on Zoom, I think you and I might have had a moment.

[Tim Miller]

Anyway, this is just childish behavior for.

[Sam Stein]

People that are trying to, like, this is at least. This is sort of like over substance. They've arguing on like, tariffs.

[Tim Miller]

So, like, they were not arguing over tariffs, actually. No. No. So, okay, great. This is where I was going to go next because that would have felt logical. Right. To be honest, if you told me that Elon Musk was so pissed that Scott Besant is fucking up the entire Trump administration by going along with the stupidest tariffs and the stupidest economic policy and, you know, modern history, I actually would be like, you know what, Elon? Somebody should yell at Scott Bessette and put their finger in his chest and be like, bro, you're gonna ruin. You're ruining the country and this administration. And my. My bottom line. That would be rational. That's not what happened. This was over. The, I guess irs. Yes. Temporary head of the irs, or the. Whatever you call it, was originally going to be a Guy. Gary Shapley.

[Sam Stein]

Yes.

[Tim Miller]

Who, who Musk had liked because he was a hunter Biden whistleblower. And so him and Musk had, I think gone had a connection over their brain worms. I think they probably follow the same types of accounts on Twitter. And Besant wanted Michael Falkender, who I think has more of a kind of traditional Falconer got the job. Yeah.

[Sam Stein]

Yeah.

[Tim Miller]

So it was. But it was initially Shapley and then they switched it. Trump switched it to Falkender and that was what was underlining this personnel policy man decision.

[Sam Stein]

Yeah, personnel's policy. I think the other subtext here, and it's in the piece, is that everyone pretty much hates Elon, wants him to go. Yeah.

[Tim Miller]

And I think the other subjects about the irs. So why might Elon be so upset about this? It's worth thinking about. Possibly because, you know, chemical imbalance in his brain was off. Possibly. Possibly because he didn't sleep at night, because he was just tweeting all night. Possibly because he's a stubborn child. All those things are possible. But maybe also the irs, I mean Doge really has tried to get its little tentacles into the IRS and there's a lot of data there. And like the car Swisher argument that Musk, you know, wants the IRS data for, you know, his own purposes. I think it's worth thinking about the fact that Musk was so upset about this particular incident because having, having a flunky in the IRS would have been something he could have.

[Sam Stein]

Yeah, but also, also. And the other thing is like I think we sort of talked about this yesterday, but all these guys are masters of the universe or were prior to doing this. Right. No one's telling us.

[Tim Miller]

I don't know. Scott, Scott Besant was actually, he was ran running kind of a mid level fund that kept losing money every year.

[Sam Stein]

No, my point is when's last time someone told these people no, you can't. Like I, I'm sure no one.

[Tim Miller]

And the woman told Elon Musk she couldn't have. Oh yeah.

[Sam Stein]

Unless it's in the DMS and Elon's offering you his sperm that, that maybe they didn't they said no to. But in, in business, I'm sure these guys are not used to being told no actually off. And you know when you, you know, spend years being catered to and told your the best thing in the world in the world's smartest man and then suddenly you're like actually no, we're not gonna do it your way, you probably freak. So I don't think these are particularly stable people either.

[Tim Miller]

So there's that there. Luckily we have a very stable genius at the top of the totem pole.

[Sam Stein]

Are we going, are we going on top? Could we do hexith first?

[Tim Miller]

I want to go straight to the very stable genius because people need this right now. We'll end with egg. Seth. Been a busy day. Lots happening. There's a lot going on happening. We have, we have like we might be officially abandoning Ukraine and that war. We're bombing Yemen, Israel, Gaza.

[Sam Stein]

Continues trying to figure out a detente with China.

[Tim Miller]

There was a, there was a terrorist attack in India. Detente with China we're working on, we're negotiating trade deals of 70 countries, apparently economic instability at home.

[Sam Stein]

It's 90, but yes, correct.

[Tim Miller]

Yeah. Here's what, here's what Donald Trump was up to this morning. I don't know. How long should we show it for?

[Sam Stein]

I don't know.

[Tim Miller]

We're gonna let the, we're gonna let the producers and the viewers decide. How long do you want to see this for? Pointing. They're pointing. What do you think about that spot there? Anything goes. That a good spot? Donald Trump is out there checking out where he wants the 100 foot high American flag.

[Sam Stein]

I love it.

[Tim Miller]

He's paying for it. He's out of his own.

[Sam Stein]

He didn't see, did stress that it's coming out of his. Thank the Lord.

[Tim Miller]

Luckily, I mean he just, according to Molly White in our crypto interview, just like cashed out like 5.4 million in fake crypto money and made turned it into fiat dollars. So I think he should probably build that should cover most of the.

[Sam Stein]

This is where the Trump coin shit is going to go to spending all his Trump coin on flag poles.

[Tim Miller]

Yeah, I think flag poles and you know, the portraits Chinese.

[Sam Stein]

A dude walking around just going like this man is crazy.

[Tim Miller]

He just wants to know exactly, he wants to get exactly the right angle of that flagpole. He also wants it to be his flagpole because he's not going to do this if George W. Bush dies. He's not going to be putting, he's not going to be letting the speaker of the House determine whether the flag goes at half mast like it happened during McCain. That is his fucking flag. I will say paid for it and he's only going to put it at half mast if somebody that stormed the Capitol dies. He's other celebrities.

[Sam Stein]

He has to be far and away the President most obsessed with interior and exterior decorating that we've ever had.

[Tim Miller]

It's a Very masculine pursuit, like the rose garden.

[Sam Stein]

He's obsessed with, like, its renovations and, you know, bulldozing trees. He, like, sent out a picture of him planting new trees a couple weeks ago. Like, they send White House updates all the time about this stuff. Like, he's truly. And like the colors of Air Force One. You know, combine that with his love of 80 show tunes and I mean.

[Tim Miller]

I love interior design. Okay.

[Sam Stein]

I think you have slightly different tastes than Donald.

[Tim Miller]

I think so. His are a little more traditional. His are a little bit more traditional, a little more gauche. Kind of have more, kind of a New Orleans Gothic kind of vibe.

[Sam Stein]

You do have a gold toilet at your home?

[Tim Miller]

We've not done any toilet renovations at my house so far. Yeah. Okay, well, there you go. So that's what he's been up to. We'll keep an eye on him, obviously, since that's what we're here for on the YouTube feeds. Make sure to subscribe to the feed, by the way, because where else are you getting this analysis? Where else are you getting it? I don't think anywhere, you know, certainly not over there on the CNN feed. Who knows what they're talking about? Okay. I'm just saying, you got Scott Jennings yelling at people. All right, that's one option for you. Or you can watch our flagpole coverage. Okay, last topic. Speaking of masculine pursuits, Pete Heggs has been doing a lot of push ups, but he's also, he's added a new. A new room into the Pentagon. And I just have to say, by the way, I did a late night video maybe over the weekend or last week where I said that the Pentagon was in Foggy Bottom. Everybody corrected me. I was like, obviously it's wrong. I lived in Foggy Bottom. I knew. I know where it was. I just, you know, sometimes the brain just spits out something that. That is incorrect, you know, and I didn't even catch myself. So I'm aware of where the Pentagon is. Drove by it every day on the way to work. Anywho, over there in Virginia, the Pentagon added a new office. Is it. It's not a weight room. It's not a CrossFit room. Tell us about what, what he's. What he's added.

[Sam Stein]

Well, so apparently Pentagon briefing room was retrofitted to add a makeup studio to be used to prepare for television appearances. Because you can't. Go on. Look at you. Look at you. Is that always there? Did you even know about this? Or because you can't grow when you're the Defense Secretary, you're Going on TV as much as Pete, you know, you got to get the makeup.

[Tim Miller]

You got to get powder look at. Get some powder going. I look good. If you're.

[Sam Stein]

See, this is. This is how Tim does it. But if you had a makeup room with the makeup, you look unbelievable.

[Tim Miller]

How we looking?

[Sam Stein]

You look horrible.

[Tim Miller]

Do I look. This is why you needed the.

[Sam Stein]

This is why you need the makeup room.

[Tim Miller]

Clear. Clear out the powder. That's interesting. Why does it. What is the makeup room for?

[Sam Stein]

What do you think? His TV hits the guys on TV more than any Pentagon press, more than Pentagon pressures, more than any defense secretary that we've ever seen. Jim Mattis actually wanted this room for maybe doing.

[Tim Miller]

Maybe he's doing drag at night. I don't know. At the in house, construction crew renovated the adjacent green room.

[Sam Stein]

They don't deny it in the piece. The quote is definitely not.

[Tim Miller]

A denial mirror with makeup lighting was installed. That's. That's exciting. I'm happy for him. He looks good. He's looking oranger. So I want to just tamp down a little bit.

[Sam Stein]

That's what you do when you try to impress the boss as you adopt. You adopt their look.

[Tim Miller]

Did you see, Scott, we talked about this on the next level, but I have to do it again. Did you see Scott Besant's comment about Ray Dalio?

[Sam Stein]

No.

[Tim Miller]

Well, Donald was out there checking out the angle on the new massive flag pole. He said this, there's an opportunity for a big deal here with China. If they want to rebalance, we can rebalance together. This is an incredible opportunity. I think if Bridgewater founder Ray Dalio were to write something, he could call it a beautiful rebalancing. This is an incredible opportunity. I think if Bridgewater founder Ray Dalio were to write something, he could call it a beautiful rebalancing. Why does he talk like.

[Sam Stein]

Why are they talking like Trump, man?

[Tim Miller]

They're making Trump.

[Sam Stein]

They're talking like Trump.

[Tim Miller]

Yeah, it's weird.

[Sam Stein]

Yeah.

[Tim Miller]

But talks like that. Ray Dalio would say, this is a big, beautiful deal. And could you imagine they all do.

[Sam Stein]

It and they all do it in some of its subconscious. Do you remember when Mike Pence, you remember the famous one where he had the water bottle and he was like mimicking Trump with it? Like, I think it just kind of seeps in through.

[Tim Miller]

Tony Blinken started imitating Biden. He started mumbling, started saying literally all the.

[Sam Stein]

Going to the wrong doors, walking in the gate, like, anyway, I don't know. Hard to explain.

[Tim Miller]

Forehead. I maybe overdid it a little bit. Okay, A little bit. This has been a great show, everybody. Hope you enjoy it. Keep an eye out for the new flag pole coming to the White House. And I'm excited.

[Sam Stein]

100 foot.

[Tim Miller]

And be. Be nice to your colleagues. Treat your colleagues well. No. No fights in the hallway. We'll see you guys back here soon.

[Dutch Vet]

Time is precious, and so are our pets. So time with our pets is extra precious. That's why we started Dutch. Dutch provides 24. 7 access to licensed vets with unlimited virtual visits and follow ups for up to five pets. You can message a vet at any time and schedule a video visit the same day. Our vets can even prescribe medication for many ailments, and shipping is always free. With Dutch, you'll get more time with your pets and year round peace of mind when it comes to their vet care.