Podcast Episode Summary: "Introducing: Betrayal: Weekly EP 20 - Carmen Rita Wong"

Introduction

In the twentieth episode of "Betrayal Weekly," hosted by Nancy Glass and produced by iHeartPodcasts and Glass Podcasts, listeners are introduced to Carmen Rita Wong—a woman whose life has been profoundly shaped by family secrets and revelations. This episode delves deep into Carmen's journey of uncovering the truth about her biological father, challenging long-held beliefs, and redefining her identity amidst betrayal and loss.

Carmen's Early Life and Cultural Identity

Carmen Rita Wong was raised in Harlem, New York, during the vibrant 1970s. Her mother, Lupe, and grandmother, May Abuela, both Dominican immigrants, worked as seamstresses for the renowned designer Oscar de la Renta. Carmen fondly recalls the rich cultural tapestry of her neighborhood, filled with Dominican and Puerto Rican communities, colorful exchanges, and a sense of belonging despite economic hardships.

“The neighborhood we lived in was mostly Dominican immigrants, Puerto Rican basically, of all colors. So for me, going to daycare, being around my cousins lived across the street, my grandfather's cleaners was on the corner and we all just coexisted in a very great supportive way.” (04:08)

Family Dynamics and Early Suspicion

Carmen's parents separated early in her life, leading her to live primarily with her mother while spending weekends with her father, affectionately known as Poppy Wong. Poppy, portrayed as the epitome of cool—complete with a black leather jacket and slick hair—was a significant presence during these weekends. However, a pivotal moment occurred when Carmen and her brother Alex were unexpectedly moved to live with a white man named Marty in New Hampshire. This sudden relocation marked the beginning of Carmen's uneasy relationship with her stepfather and raised questions about her true parentage.

“I wanted her love so bad and she couldn't love me enough to tell me the truth, even before she died.” (03:45)

Revelation of Family Secrets

As Carmen grew older, suspicions about her father's true identity lingered. The turning point came when her biological father, Poppy Wong, was arrested for heroin trafficking, revealing that her and Alex's financial support had secretly come from him. This betrayal shattered the foundation of trust Carmen had in her family.

“I'm 30 years old, and I'm hearing for the first time that my parents, the first people you're supposed to trust in the world...lied to me.” (26:29)

Following her mother's deathbed confession, Carmen confronted Lupe, uncovering the truth that her father was never Marty but Poppy Wong. This revelation forced Carmen to reassess her entire identity and the authenticity of her upbringing.

“Was I Chinese anymore?...if your whole story is a lie, how do you feel authentic as a person?” (27:54)

The Quest for Truth

Determined to uncover the full story, Carmen embarked on a relentless quest to identify her biological father. Despite numerous obstacles, including a lack of cooperation from relatives and dead ends in genealogical research, Carmen's determination never wavered. The tragic diagnosis and subsequent passing of her brother Alex further fueled her resolve to find answers.

“I had to find out who this guy was. My father, my real biological father.” (40:47)

Her persistent efforts finally bore fruit when genetic testing revealed that her biological father was a man from the Canary Islands, someone she had never known. This discovery not only answered a long-standing question but also left Carmen grappling with the emotional weight of learning about a father she never met.

“He lived right up the street, right up the street from when I was a kid in Manhattan...I had to sit down because that's not what it said.” (38:39)

Impact and Personal Growth

The culmination of these revelations led Carmen to a profound understanding of her identity. She recognized that while genetic ties are significant, the essence of who she is was shaped by her upbringing, cultural heritage, and personal experiences. Carmen learned to separate her self-identity from the biological truths, embracing her Dominican-Chinese upbringing as an integral part of who she is.

“How your genes express themselves is only one part of your identity. How you were raised and who were your parents is another part of your identity.” (48:06)

Carmen also chose to use her experiences as a catalyst for change by penning her memoir, "Why Didn't You Tell Me?" This book serves as a testament to her journey, aiming to break cycles of shame and silence surrounding familial betrayals and secrets.

“A big part of it isn't just telling the truth. A big part of it is there's no shame in my mother's story.” (50:34)

Redefining Family and Moving Forward

Through all the turmoil, Carmen redefined what family means to her. She emphasized that family is not solely defined by blood relations but by who consistently shows up and supports one another. Her brother Alex's unwavering support solidified this belief, underscoring the importance of chosen family and emotional bonds over biological ties.

“Through all of this, I've learned to, in many ways, redefine what family is. And for me, family is who shows up.” (48:49)

Carmen's journey illustrates the complex interplay between cultural identity, family loyalty, and personal truth. Her ability to navigate through betrayal and loss, while emerging stronger and more self-aware, offers profound insights into the human spirit's resilience.

Conclusion

"Betrayal Weekly" Episode 20 presents a compelling narrative of Carmen Rita Wong's life, highlighting themes of trust, identity, and the quest for truth. Through her story, listeners are invited to reflect on their own definitions of family and the impact of hidden truths on personal growth. Carmen's experience underscores the importance of authenticity and the courage it takes to confront and embrace one's true self amidst adversity.

Notable Quotes

• “I wanted her love so bad and she couldn't love me enough to tell me the truth, even before she died.” — Carmen Rita Wong (03:45)

• “Was I Chinese anymore?...if your whole story is a lie, how do you feel authentic as a person?” — Carmen Rita Wong (27:54)

• “How your genes express themselves is only one part of your identity. How you were raised and who were your parents is another part of your identity.” — Carmen Rita Wong (48:06)

• “Through all of this, I've learned to, in many ways, redefine what family is. And for me, family is who shows up.” — Carmen Rita Wong (48:49)

Final Thoughts

Carmen Rita Wong's story, as presented in this episode of "Betrayal Weekly," is a poignant exploration of the search for truth and the complexities of familial relationships. It serves as a powerful reminder that understanding one's past is crucial for forging a meaningful and authentic future.