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Hey, this is Sran Trivatsa. Welcome back to the Business School Podcast. In this episode, I'm going to take a little slightly different route and take you to something very practical. I'm going to give you three questions that you can use starting right now to move away from anything that is frustrating. If someone is whining and complaining to you, if you find yourself whining and complaining, if you feel stuck or you don't see a path through a problem, if you feel like the world is kind of crashing down on you, if you feel like you have a lot of pressures that you have to deal with in your life, how do you fix it? And we know that the problem is not the problem. The problem is how you think about the problem. But there's got to be a practical way to get out of it, because not everybody has the answers to everything. So in this episode, I'm going to give you the three questions to move from, call it venting and frustration to action without having to do much at all. This is the frustration shift. How you fix your frustrations and break it down all down for you, step by step, starting right now.
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One thing is for certain, just because it's tried and true doesn't mean it's working right now. So the big question is this. Where can you learn what is working right now?
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The strategies, the tactics, the psychology, and the exact how to.
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How to grow your business, how to blow up your personal brand and supercharge your personal growth. That is the question, and this podcast will give you the answer. My name is Sharon Srivata, and welcome to Business School.
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Just a quick heads up that this episode may contain a few colorful words. No curse words, but a few colorful words that I don't really know how to replace in this process. So if you're around children, et cetera, just please know that there may probably be like 10 colorful words in this episode. Appreciate you listening and let's get right into it. I want to talk to you about how this idea that I'm thinking about called the frustration shift. And the main reason is that every entrepreneur, every business owner encounters periods of frustration where, like, progress pauses, venting becomes the default thing. But staying in that negative space can, you and I both know, can drain time and energy. So the question is, how do we move from what I call BMW to bitch, moan and wine? BMW and I actually have. My team will say, hey, Shiran, can I BMW right now? Which means to bitch, moan, and whine. How can we move from BMW to kind of actionable, productive, Steps. And I wanted to kind of use this approach to share a somewhat structured approach, especially with three tactical questions that you can ask and use in this process that will help you overall. So let's kind of get right into it. The first question is ask the right question, right? And you may say, well, Sharon, what is the right question? There's a great Albert Einstein quote where he says, the solution is often in the question. So cool, right? The solution is often in the question. And we all know that asking for solutions rather than focusing on problems, you know, boost collaboration with teams and blah, blah, blah. But we naturally go to the problems. So how do we actually ask for the solution? And here's the question that I want to give you. When frustration hits or you're with somebody that is, you know, BMW ing right now, which is bitching, moaning and whining right now, what do you say? How do you approach that situation and how do you shift them from the problems to the solutions? Because I will tell you this, most people that are frustrated, both in the moment or especially those that have been frustrated over time have something in mind. Have a suggestion session, have feedback, have a path forward. They've thought through it. Most people are not just whiners, they have a recommendation. We just don't give them the space and the time to share that. So here is question number one. It's as simple as this. What would you suggest? That's it. If you get to the part where you're listening to a friend and your friend is whining, is doing the BMW and at the end you're like, dude, thank you so much for sharing. You know, I bet you have thought about this. You probably have a good reason for saying what you said. What would you suggest as next steps? And now, you know, they have thought about it and you're giving them permission to share their recommendations with you. This is even more powerful in team meetings. Like if you make it a habit to ask this question in meetings, especially during tense moments when someone says, oh, this won't work or that won't work, especially, hey, this is an over constrained problem. Most team meetings struggle because you have over constrained problems. And what I mean by an over constrained problem is you don't have enough money, you don't have enough resources, you don't have enough time. There's a bunch of nuances and you get need to get it all done. You need to get done by Friday and you need to get it done for a doll, right? There's too many constraints to solve the problem. And when you have too many constraints to solve the problem, everyone gets frustrated and no one knows what to do next. But people have suggestions. So at that time, if you can say, what would you suggest? It dramatically allows for good ideas to come about. Now, please note, they're all suggestions without judgment. Even ideas that seem impractical may fuel and foster other ideas. So when you're in a tight spot, when someone is bitching, whining, moaning and complaining to you, the few things that you can share are, man, I really appreciate you sharing this with me. The other phrase is, you must really have a reason for sharing all of this. Let me ask you a question. What do you suggest? What do you suggest for next steps? That one question has gotten me out of so many binds, but has also allowed me to build much better relationships. So the first part is, remember, the solution is often in the question. So ask the question, what would you suggest? Here's kind of part two. You got to find common ground. And most people don't know how to find common ground because when someone is BMW to you, you get defensive. You're like, man, he's getting negative. I don't know if it's against me, I don't know if they're being passive aggressive in what they're telling me. They have no idea, you have no idea. And the most of these conflicts can just be resolved if you get to common goals. There's a great quote and I don't know who came up with this, it says, compromise isn't about losing, it's about adjusting to win. I love it so much because I always, in this mindset of, you know, you're like, sean, Sean, you shouldn't compromise. Compromise is giving up something. Compromise isn't about losing, it's just about adjusting to win. Compromise isn't about losing, it's just about adjusting to win. So when you're in a tight spot and people are kind of sharing these over constrained problems, the question you ask is he what adjustments would you make to agree to a good path forward? Think about that. What adjustments would you make to agree to a good path forward? What adjustments would you make to agree to a good path forward? So if there's a solution that I'm in place that wants a project done in three weeks and 14 things done, and you don't have any resources and everyone is BMW to you right now, you say, hey, so I totally hear you probably have a reason for sharing all of this. What adjustments would you make to agree to a good path forward? And they'll say, hey, could we get another week? Hey, could we get 10 more dollars? Hey, can we get a pizza party for the families? Hey, can I get two more consulting workers? Hey, can I move the team around? Hey, can you change the scope of this? They will tell you. What adjustments would you make to agree to a good path forward? What adjustments would you make to agree to a good path forward? When you encourage like team members to think of small immediate changes that they can improve, they will tell you most of the adjustments that they're looking for are not big. And we think that, oh, just because a problem is over constrained that they're going to come up with like really expensive solutions. Most of the time it's something really simple like, hey, after we deliver this, can we, can we give everybody a day off? Hey, after we deliver this, can we include it? Can we do a pizza party? Hey, after, while delivering this, can we get help from these two other teams? Hey, would you be open to xyz? It's super simple. What adjustments would you make to agree to a good path forward? Right, that's number two. Here's number three. There are some situations. This is a face reality type thing. There are some situations which are just tough and most people always think about when they're in a lose lose situation or they're like, man, I'm down on my luck, I'm down in the dumps. And they BMW and they feel no solution. There's no path forward. By the way, this happens often. What do you do if you get sick? There's no path forward. It's going to take you 10 days to get better. What do you do if an employee choose to leave? Well, you're going to have to spend time like finding training another new Rockstar employee. It's going to be hard. Hey, what do you do if your software crashed and like, what do you do? There's nothing you can do. What do you do if there was an act of God? Like, you would have no idea. Right? And sometimes what do you do if someone just laughed? Like it's hard to do these things and you have to face reality. And so the question is a lot more about acceptance because it gives you a chance to move forward. I think this is a Michael J. Fox quote. He said something like, acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is just what it is and there's got to be a way through it or some version of that. I remember vividly, acceptance doesn't mean resignation. I remember that a lot. And it just means that There is an understanding that it is what it is and there's got to be some way through it, right? So what does this mean? If you're in a situation where you're just stuck and you see no path forward, the question you ask yourself is, can I live with it? Can I live with it? So if you have a friend that is bmwing to you right now and you know that there's no path forward, you have no solution for them, they know that there's no path forward, there's no solution for them. What then you ask this question, can I live with it? Can I live with it? And the funny part is, if they can't, then you go back to the last question. If they say, yes, I can live with it, then you know that they've gotten. They've come to peace and it's just. It takes a little bit of time. But if they say, no, I can't live with it, it's bothering me too much. You say, okay, cool. You must have a reason for good reason for saying that. What can. Go back to the last question. What adjustments would you make to agree to a good path forward? What adjustment would you make to get to the point where you can live with it? What adjustment would you make to agree to a good path forward? Right. Just these three questions. You know, question number one, what would you suggest? Question number two, what adjustments would you make to agree to a good path forward? And question number three, can you live with it? Really cuts to the clarity of all of it. And so I want to kind of wrap up with this, this one last thing. And I learned this from, of course, the military. The. They could do it, the after action review, right? When something happens, you have a mission, et cetera. Once it's done, you write an aar, which is an after action review. And a lot of times it's just a debrief of the mission and hopefully some learnings from it. And I will tell you this. I was remembered by this quote that happened over and over that played in my head and which is, those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it, right? Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. Now, if we don't learn from the past, we're terrible people. Like, that's crazy, right? So the one of the things that I have learned learn to do in a tough situation is to write something called a not to do list. So I have a not to do list and I have actually a section that says never again, right? But I have a not to do list. And a lot of times we get in a tight spot because we did something and we're like, man, I'm never doing that again, or man, I'm never, I'm never eating ice cream before bourbon. I'm totally making this up. Or I'm never calling that person again because every, every time I call that person, you know, he always screws me. Or I'm never calling this person because she's always late. Or whenever this happens, that, that happens and it makes me really sad. Or I'm trusting this person too much and they always let me down. You just tell yourself, hey, I just went through this experience. And in my after action view by learning is that I wrote this down in my not to do list. And my thing, my not to do list is I will never again do blank. And now it's super simple because you've written that down. And now it becomes a personal rule because we do know this. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. And the only way we remember the past is if you write it down in your not to do list. It may be a behavior, a reaction, a decision or whatever that contributed the BMW that is that you are committed to avoiding in the future. These are really powerful insights that we don't do because we repeat mistakes, right? What's that quote that says lessons are learned until they are not repeated or something like that? I need to, I need to find that quote. I am not remembering all my quotes today. But those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it, right? So those are the kind of the four big takeaways I want to share with you. Question number one is when someone is BMW to you, which is bitching, whining and moaning to you, you ask, hey, number one, you probably have a good reason for saying this. What do you suggest? Question number one, what do you suggest? Second question is, what adjustments would you make to have a good path forward? Right? What adjustments would you make to agree to a good path forward? And the third is, can you live with it? And if you can't live with it, then what adjustments did you make to have a good path forward? And most importantly, after they have done this, you have to learn from other people's experiences and say, hmm, is this lesson so big that I really must remember it? Because those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it, right? So can I add it to my not to do list? I will tell you how I maintain a not to do list. I just have a not to do list. Which is a note on my notes app on my iPhone. And every time I do something that I've realized is a lesson and that I should not do again, I write it in my not to do list. And that learning is worth more than anything else. By the way, these are practical stuff that you will probably never hear from anybody to share with you, ever. We can give you strategies and tactics and psychology stuff, but I hopefully you benefit from this because you can use this in your life and in your business and in your family right now to navigate some tough situations. So my question for you is I really don't know if this is helpful to you, so can you please do me a favor? Can you take a screenshot and tag me and say hey, this was good, make more like this, et cetera, so I can make more like this for you. So please do me a favor, take a screenshot, share it on social media, tag me and mention whatever you share. Because that way I will know you like this and I can make more like this for you. Remember how you slice of greatness is a choice and I hope you enjoyed this one. I'll catch you on the next one.
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Hey Chiron, I have a cool gift for you since you like this podcast. I actually have an ultra super secret private podcast that I make just for my partner companies and the CEOs and influencers that I advise. It's called 10K Wisdom because I try to wrap $10,000 worth of value in every single episode in just under 10 minutes. That's why it's called 10K Wisdom. It's raw, it's real, it's got no intro or outro or anything like that. It's just straight to the point and to the insights. Since you like this podcast, I think you will like that. So for the first time I'm making it available to you. You just go to 10k wisdom.com, the number 10k wisdom.com and my team will activate it for you as my gift. Go to 10k wisdom.com, i'll see you there.