Best of the Bus: Tom Segura Talks His Friendship With Bert Kreischer & His Start In Comedy

Summary

Bussin’ with the Boys: Best of the Bus – Tom Segura Talks His Friendship With Bert Kreischer & His Start In Comedy

Podcast: Bussin’ with the Boys
Guests: Tom Segura, Bert Kreischer, JP (Co-host)
Date: January 17, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode, comedian Tom Segura joins the Bussin’ with the Boys crew for a wide-ranging, candid conversation about his roots in comedy, intense love of football, his best friend and podcast partner Bert Kreischer, and the journey from small-town life to Netflix stardom. The episode gives fans an inside look at Segura’s work ethic, his approach to stand-up, the real story behind his dynamic with Bert Kreischer, and plenty of hilarious stories about football, college experiences, and the way pro athletes really operate behind the scenes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life on the Road: Cities, Small Towns, and Bagels (00:00–02:21)

• New York Nerves: The hosts and Segura share their travel routines, the rush of New York, and the contrast between big cities and small-town upbringings.
  • “It's chaos. It's living in chaos.” (Tom Segura, 01:52)
• Returning Home: Reflecting on how wider world experiences make it hard to move back to a small town.
  • “I've seen too much now. I just can't go back to living that small town life.” (Bert Kreischer, 02:21)

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2. The College Football Obsession (03:27–13:01)

• Deep Football Roots: Tom describes being a lifelong FSU fan—tracing it back to his dad’s love for the game.
  • “My dad loved college football. So we were college football.” (Tom Segura, 03:38)
• Atmosphere Differences: The crew agrees nothing tops college football energy.
  • “The pandemonium at those games is so different… But the college atmosphere is so bonus.” (Tom Segura, 07:10)
• Stadium Tours: Segura shares stories about touring college and NFL facilities; he is blown away by LSU and Nebraska locker rooms.
  • “It was like Jeff Bezos's, like, version... It's like heaven.” (Tom Segura on LSU, 08:21)

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3. Football Legends & Locker Room Stories (12:03–24:05)

• Ndamukong Suh Tales: They swap wild stories about Suh’s ferocity on the field—and surprising business savvy off of it.
  • “Like, Sue's one of the savviest businessmen, like, in the NFL... Like, Warren Buffett is, like, in his council." (JP, 13:49)
• Trash Talk Techniques: Bert and Tom dive into mind games and misdirection in NFL banter—sometimes getting under opponents’ skin with unexpected (often crude) humor.
  • “[To a defensive lineman:] If you don't stop talking, I'm gonna suck your dick.” (Bert Kreischer, 18:09)
• Quiet Killers: Not all great players talk trash; the panel appreciates “silent assassins” whose rare words have big impact.
  • “When that guy does say something, it's so powerful.” (Tom Segura, 22:42)
• Memorable Competition Moments: The embarrassment of getting “put on the ground” and the psyche behind competition.

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4. From Football to Comedy: Tom’s Break (34:41–41:11)

• Shifting Identity: Tom explains the emotional adjustment from high school football player to college student—eventually finding his calling in comedy through class projects.
  • “In high school, you're like, I'm a football player… Then you get to college… I'm not. I Loved doing comedy.” (Tom Segura, 34:52–35:21)
• Finding Standup: After following friends to open mics, Tom gets booked for his first spot by happenstance and never looks back.
  • “It was just on from, like, once I did it. [...] You either are going to be like, I'm not doing that again, or you're like, I got to do that again.” (Tom Segura, 37:38)
• Career Breaks: Opens for Jay Mohr, gets his Comedy Central Presents spot after years of persistence—only to discover it doesn’t change his career overnight.
  • “This is going to change your road life, like, touring... It didn’t change at all. Like, nothing changed.” (Tom Segura, 41:13–41:54)

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5. Navigating the Comedy Business (43:35–50:42)

• The Netflix Path: Tom’s first Netflix special was shopped as a "consolation prize" and only gradually built momentum.
  • “Comedy Central passed... Netflix took it, and it was like a consolation prize.” (Tom Segura, 43:54)
• Measuring Success: Tom marvels at selling out clubs, the slow realization of “making it,” and the pride in seeing friends hit the same milestones.
• Competition in Comedy: Unlike the NFL, there are no finite “roster spots” in comedy—successful peers are more inspiration than threat.
  • “It's not really a threat to you... really good standup is exciting and it makes me want to do stand up.” (Tom Segura, 47:00)

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6. Originality, Stealing Jokes, and Crafting Material (47:51–52:01)

• On Joke Theft: Tom and the crew address the complexities of accidentally “stealing” jokes—and the value of making acts personal to avoid overlap.
  • “So many of us... lean so hard into talking about our lives... there is no chance that I'm talking about what you're talking about.” (Tom Segura, 49:24)
• Approach with Peers: He always lets someone know if their bit is similar—no accusations, just transparency.

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7. The Modern Era: Platforms, Risks & YouTube (52:01–55:24)

• Platforms Evolving: YouTube has become a legitimate way to break big (“Shane [Gillis]'s special is one of my top five.” – Tom, 53:00)
• What Makes Comedy Stick: Tom and Bert share the importance of nuance, timing, and organic callbacks in standup, citing their own and others’ specials.

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8. Friendship with Bert Kreischer: Dynamic & Pet Peeves (73:03–79:15)

• Their Relationship: Tom and Bert share mutual admiration but admit their differences—Tom is measured; Bert is a “literal party.”
  • “Are you all right? He’s like, ‘I'm dying.’ I was like, ‘Yeah, I don't want that to be real. Could you chill the fuck out for a second?’” (Tom Segura, 72:00)
  • “He wants every moment to be... the best night of your life... you’ve said, it's been the best night of your life 500 times.” (Tom Segura, 75:07)
• Pet Peeves: Tom reveals Bert rarely replies to texts (“that irritates the shit out of me”), sometimes ignores others’ emotions, and exaggerates every experience.
• What Makes It Work: Tom enjoys Bert’s “entertaining lunacy,” and Bert brings relentless positive energy (“He’s very sincere… He likes community... frat guy has a negative connotation—the positive is, he wants a friendship fraternity,” Tom, 78:22).

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9. Building & Balancing Creative Life (62:49–70:43)

• Business Savvy: Tom sees himself as a natural entrepreneur—always learning, taking (calculated) risks, and knowing money isn’t the only motivator.
  • “You have to do things that are, like, fulfilling creatively... there’s no thrill in just playing everything safe.” (Tom Segura, 64:22 & 67:27)
• Work Ethic with Kids: Having children made Tom double down on working and providing.
  • “It's like the modern version of hunter-gatherer mode… I have to provide. So… I went into sixth gear with work.” (Tom Segura, 68:48–69:12)
• Balance: Both Tom and Bert inherited work-obsessed values from their dads, but Tom is now more conscious of scheduling time off for family.

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10. Sledgehammer, Legacy, and Closing Thoughts (80:27–83:27)

• Best Special Yet: Tom describes “Sledgehammer” as his tightest, most evolved, and personally meaningful work yet—with emotion tied to his father’s passing.
  • “It feels like... I’ve evolved as a person, as a comic... It’s more personal to me because my dad died during it.” (Tom Segura, 80:38)
• Reaching #1 on Netflix: He admits it feels great (“It’s number one on Netflix... that’s pretty cool.” – 82:10).
• Pride in Fans’ Praise: The best part is fans appreciating—and connecting to—his effort, likening a special release to serving a long-simmering meal.
  • “You’ve been making something... you go, yeah... you are excited for people to try it.” (Tom Segura, 83:21)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Comedy Success:
  • “Every level of it is crazy—but at first it seems like Monopoly money.” (Tom Segura, 45:30)
• On Standup Risks:
  • “There's no thrill in just playing everything safe.” (Tom Segura, 67:50)
• On Friendship:
  • “We're best friends... I thoroughly enjoy him. A lot of people are like, 'How do you put up with this lunatic?' ...but I enjoy his, his company.” (Tom Segura, 79:15)
• On Fatherhood & Work:
  • “It’s like the modern version of hunter-gatherer mode—I have to provide.” (Tom Segura, 68:48)
• On Playful Trash Talk:
  • “If you just say super gay things, NFL players… it’s a mind game.” (Bert Kreischer, 18:14)
• On Sledgehammer’s Success:
  • “It’s number one on Netflix… that’s pretty cool.” (Tom Segura, 82:10)

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Memorable & Humorous Bits

• Wrestling at Beer Olympics: Shane Gillis suffers at the hands of pro athletes (“You forget that they're monsters… literal monsters.” – Tom Segura, 57:02)
• Bert’s Exaggerations: “You told me it was the best dinner you ever had in your life… the best coffee… the best night…” (Tom Segura, 75:07)
• High School Trainer Denial: “You ain’t Bruce Smith.” (Trainer, relayed by Tom Segura, 31:52)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment | |---------------|-----------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–02:21 | Small town vs. city, travel stories | | 03:27–13:01 | Football roots, college atmosphere, stadium tours | | 12:03–24:05 | Tales of Ndamukong Suh, trash talk, football psyche | | 34:41–41:11 | Tom’s start in comedy, transition from football | | 43:35–50:42 | Netflix, career breaks, comedy business | | 52:01–55:24 | Platforms, risks, YouTube specials | | 73:03–79:15 | Dynamic with Bert, pet peeves, what makes it work | | 80:27–83:27 | Pride in Sledgehammer, legacy, closing thoughts |

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The Episode’s Spirit

True to Bussin's signature style, the conversation is unguarded, playful, and full of both laughs and life lessons. Tom Segura shines as both a craftsman of his art and a relatable, thoughtful guest; his banter with Bert Kreischer offers a unique glimpse into one of comedy’s best partnerships.

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For fans of comedy, football, and the intersection where hard work and friendship meet, this episode delivers stories and insights aplenty—with the infectious energy and irreverence that make Bussin’ With the Boys a must-listen.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.

[Bert Kreischer]

Finally tracked down V. Tom Segura. We talked to you on FaceTime while you were shooting two bears, one cave, one day back in March.

[Tom Segura]

I believe we did. I think we. We've been on text threads. I saw you at the Machine premiere. It's been a whole thing. And I thought I was going to do press run leading up to the fourth, and I was like, I think I'd probably do like a stop in Nashville. And then they moved it to this week. And I was like. And then you guys said, you're going to be here. I was like, yeah, well, yeah, we had.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

We had the pivot because we're fans. We are massive fans.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, thank you.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

And when Taylor and I was going back and forth, I was like, it doesn't sound. I was like, I was texting with your guy or you. We were in that group chat. I'm like, it sounds like he might be coming through Nashville still, but the people on the Barstow side was like, I think he's just doing New York. Then we found out you're doing New York. It's like, hey, we gotta. We gotta get out to New York, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

We usually come out here a lot anyway, so.

[Tom Segura]

Nice.

[Bert Kreischer]

It was an easy little deal.

[Tom Segura]

It's a fun. It's a fun stop, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

It is. Usually when we come here, it's like we take the same flight we did this morning. We, you know, 5:00am Cruise, get here at 9, and then we spend all day here and then take the earliest flight out the next day.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah, it's always, you didn't get off, get out.

[Tom Segura]

Do you do a, like, a little, like, you know, enjoy New York? Like, go to an awesome place for dinner, that kind of thing, or. No, really?

[Bert Kreischer]

Usually like, rip around the corner. Like, what was that place we went.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

To the other day?

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like right over here by the hotel.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I hate butchering it, cuz, but it's.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like a small little, like, hole in the wall sometimes.

[Tom Segura]

They're awesome.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah. Yeah, it's awesome. Do you remember what it's called, jp? It's like pig something. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

This kind of gives me anxiety, though. New York, it's stressful, man.

[Tom Segura]

Where'd you grow up?

[Bert Kreischer]

I grew up in Arizona.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

Small town, 5,200 people.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. This is a big departure. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

You get off, you just like, I'm on the highway and we're in our Uber and we're driving by. He's actually watching a special on the way here and I'm Just looking out at these apartments with the windows that are so tiny. And I'm like, people just live in there. People live in rooms the size of what we're in right now.

[Tom Segura]

It's chaos. It's living in chaos.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

And then we hit the bagel shop. Russ and Daughters.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, we had a bagel shop. And I'm thinking to myself, dude, this is. It literally was like the scene of a gangster movie where two guys are like. Like, talking about. People are still taking tickets.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Hey, we're standing there nervous.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Like, do we just wait?

[Tom Segura]

I have the thing, though, where I, like, I don't know, man. I. I don't have to live in a city like this, but I have to be able to go to it, like, fairly regularly. Yeah. To kind of feel alive in a way. I need cities.

[Bert Kreischer]

We were having that conversation on the flight. Like, growing up in small towns, like, you always think when you leave, like, he went to Nebraska, I went to Michigan. You're like, someday I'm gonna be back in that small town. Someday I'm gonna be back. And there I went back recently, and I remember sitting there going, brother, if I came back here and just lived here, I don't think. I think I'm like, I've seen too much now. I've gone outside too much, where it's like, I just can't go back to living that small town life. It's nothing against the people that live it.

[Tom Segura]

Could you live in Ann Arbor?

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no, no. But it's more of, like, it's a cool city. It's a. It's a cool city. However, like, I remember playing and then seeing dudes come be like, yeah, I played here back in the 80s and stuff like that. I would think to myself, man, like, go do something.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Sure.

[Bert Kreischer]

Don't let that be the identity.

[Tom Segura]

But you would.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's also an ego thing.

[Tom Segura]

That's that person and. And like, they're them choosing to be like, that's who I like hoping that that gives them something. But you'd be going there if you wanted to. To live life, is what I'm saying, you know? I mean, like, you wouldn't be like, hey, remember me? You know, I'd be in Lincoln and.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Wearing my jersey still.

[Bert Kreischer]

You guys remember the boat?

[Tom Segura]

I got the best tour of the facilities there.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Oh, really? Dude, that fires me up. Don't they roll out the red carpet there, man.

[Tom Segura]

It was awesome.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I saw Bert there last week. I was like, hey, they take good care of you. And they're like, oh, bro, they are the best.

[Tom Segura]

It's. Cause I'm. I love college football. Like, I love college football. I think it's all based on, like, kind of like your household growing up. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, kids who. Guys who are like, I love baseball. It's like, yeah, your dad loved baseball, right? Like, that's kind of like what they were exposed to. So my dad loved college football. So we were college football.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

What was the team as? This. This ambulance or this fire truck is.

[Tom Segura]

Just podcasting in New York. Yeah. Someone just got shot in the head. Right now. There's a strike going on, protest a march happening.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

What was your. What was your squad growing up or?

[Tom Segura]

So it. There's a little bit of, like, I moved a lot as a kid, but I basically became super hardcore FSU fan. But I'm like, think about it. Like, I'm. I'm born in 79, so, like, in the 80s is when I'm watching the game and like, kind of understanding what I'm watching. And then we move to Florida. So if you move to Florida at the height of. In the 90s, you're gonna pick one of the big three at the time. And so I was just like, big FSU fan. It's funny because I was thinking about this how when you hang out with, like, we talk to, like, pro players, sometimes they talk to you. Like, you could have to, like, A.J. hawk was at my house and we were talking about, he knows I'm a big fan. And I was. I love, like, hearing, like, recruiting story. Like, how'd you pick, you know, what was it like? What was the transition like? He's like, why didn't you. Why didn't you play at fsu? And I was like, what? And he's like, that is such a.

[Bert Kreischer]

Football thing to say.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I was like, what? He goes, why didn't you play there? And I go, in the late 1990s. And he's like, yeah, you could have played there. I was like, what are you talking about?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Who would I have backed up? Corey Simon? Like, what are you talking about, man? He's like. He's like, you could have played there. I was like, I couldn't have fucking watched their jerseys. They would have. Like. He's like. I go, you. I think you're thinking, could you have played there? You could have played there. I couldn't have. It wouldn't have let me try out for the team there.

[Bert Kreischer]

Did you play ball growing up?

[Tom Segura]

I played in high school. He's like, you played.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Were you a Beast.

[Tom Segura]

No, I mean, I was. I was decent. I was. You know, I. I started. I played both ways, but I wasn't. Like. I got recruited by D2 schools and a couple D3s. I was going to play, and I. One of the coaches called me the week before camp in August. This is what would have been my freshman year. And he goes, we're excited to see you. This is like a small school in Virginia. And I was like, what? He's like, you're. You all ready for tomorrow? I was like, I'm not coming to school there. And he was like, what? I was like, oh, yeah. You guys called in, like, June and said that I had to take a math class to go to school there. So I just. I didn't take that class.

[Bert Kreischer]

What's gonna happen?

[Tom Segura]

He was like, you're not coming tomorrow. Like, he's like, camp starts tomorrow. I was like, no, I'm going to a different school. He was like, what the fuck, man? I was like, nobody told you? He was like, no.

[Bert Kreischer]

So he's hung up the phone. He's like, whatever.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He was like, I guess we don't have a center.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

So you played college ball?

[Tom Segura]

No, no, but I did.

[Bert Kreischer]

He almost played college.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

But you said you went to another school. Okay, okay.

[Tom Segura]

Not.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Not. But not for playing.

[Bert Kreischer]

That is a D2 story, though, because, like, I don't know how it was for you when you. I got there in, like, June, my freshman year. Before, like, going into my freshman year.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, you get there a couple months before and they take the out.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Senior class or not Senior summer class.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, you take summer classes. Like, you get your first couple credits in. Dip the toe in before you really hit the full schedule in the fall.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Because it's like the football players and the Asians all take a summer class.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah. There's no doubt about it.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

There's.

[Bert Kreischer]

Dude, college football is.

[Tom Segura]

I love that atmosphere. Dude, I just watched a video last night. They had a. It was one of those college, like, I follow, like, a couple accounts, and they were recapping the 10 loudest moments of last season. It was just, like, random games and watching the slides of the 10 loudest moments, I got goosebumps. Like, I was like, oh. Like, games I don't even give a fuck about. Just hearing, like. Because the pandemonium at those games is so different. Like, NFL's, you know, it is the top. You're the best players, obviously, the best game. But the college atmosphere is so bonus.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Oh, you can't. Yeah, the college atmosphere.

[Bert Kreischer]

You get the fans, they, like, have chance and they do stuff in the fourth quarter, and then it's. It is a totally different scene.

[Tom Segura]

I'll go to all of them, too. Like, people like, I. Yeah, I grew up a fsu, but, like, every time we're on tour, if we're in a college town, I always, like, tell my tour manager, call that fucking school. See if we can do a tour. I love the tour. I don't give a fuck if it's sec, Big ten big. I just love being around and, like, I just like coaches and, like, you know, even, like, the equipment guys, they're always, like, so fired up about. They're the best dude. And they. They're like, all right. You know, they give you the tour. They're like, these are the jerseys. I'm like, give me that. Take all the gloves. We take it all.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hell, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we just take all the free.

[Bert Kreischer]

Stuff you can get.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Do, like, the recruiting photos and shit, too. Like, you should fully suit it up.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, dude, the wr. The craziest thing, because I was in Buffalo and I got, like, a tour of the Bills place, and they have, like. They did a new. They're going to do a new stadium, but they have a newer facility. So for, like, you know, it's an NFL's, like, facility. Like, this is nice, right? It's, like, pretty modern. They're showing us all this, and they're going, like, that was pretty impressive. We go to Baton Rouge and we're like, what is happening? I mean, it was like Jeff Bezos's, like, version. He's like, is this what a college thing's? Like? Like, we were like. I mean, we walk down this hallway that's dark, and I'm like, what's going on? And it's, like, lit, but dark. And then when you turn, you just turn, and these glass doors automatically open. And then it's. It's like heaven. It's, like, like, super bright. And you see a silhouette of a LSU player, and you're like, what the. And you walk down the hall, and then there's like, these statues with different LSU gear and they'. Yeah, this is the. This is where we take recruits. I'm like, yeah, they all sign, right? And they're like, yeah, usually when they get to here, they're like, I want to come. And then you turn into the locker room, and it looks like Emirates first class. I go, it looks like a first class. I guess we modeled it after first class international chairs. Like, and they go, we monitored that. Our Players are not getting enough sleep, so we encourage them to sleep here. And then they had an air venture like in where they put their. So that it never smells in the locker. Like, all this. I was like, what the, man? It's like a hundred million dollar locker room. And I was like, all right. This is like, that's one of the.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Best facilities I think we've ever seen. We were out there in the spring doing our spring tour, and we got to. You painting that picture. Like, especially when you get to the sliding doors and are unreal, right?

[Tom Segura]

And you imagine like you're 18 and you're like, imagine going to Oregon.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, we. We were 0809 graduating. And that was when, like, Oregon was at the top of their game. New uniforms every single week. New uniform styles. Nike, they're putting everything in there. And you see the facilities. College facilities are so much different than NFL facilities.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I kind of go like, for. Especially for the guys that are like, literally going from one to the next. Part of. You've got to be like, the. Is this.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, dude.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah. But obviously the money goes into the players in the NFL.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's all right.

[Bert Kreischer]

The funny thing about Baton Rouge, and I love Louisiana, but if you go on campus at lsu, you're like, this is maybe the nicest place I've ever been in my life. Like, the. The campus is beautiful. All the buildings are the same color. The. The. All the plants are perfectly organized. You step one foot off that campus and you're like, where the. Did I just go? It is like a lot of line is truly drawn.

[Tom Segura]

Well, we went to country.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

My.

[Tom Segura]

My little sister went to Ole Miss. And when you're in Oxford, it feels like. Like a. A movie set of a college town. Like, when you're in and around campus, you're like, this feels like make believe. Like you feel like they're gonna like, oh, all right, cut. And they're gonna move the wall or something.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But then you, like, drive out of Oxford and you're like, all right, we should lock the doors. This is kind of weird.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Crazy out there.

[Tom Segura]

Mississippi, man.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

What are some of. What are some of the best spots you've seen since you like to go on tour wherever you go?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, honestly, like, the. The LSU thing was mind bending. You know, I got. I got the Nebraska tour and saw where in Domicon's Check went. That was nice. Yeah. To build the.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

The House of Spears, like that weight room.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, the weight room's.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

When did you go?

[Tom Segura]

Two years. Two years ago. I Think.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

We were there at that time.

[Tom Segura]

I heard some cool stories about him.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

About Sue? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

They were like, no, he's crazier than you think.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Let's hear a couple.

[Tom Segura]

I don't even know if I should tell these stories.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I could. I could possibly confirm or deny that.

[Tom Segura]

It's like a real psychopath playing. Like, you're like, this guy's crazy. Like, no, this guy is crazy.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah. But it's not, like, definitely in between the white lines. But not. Not off the field.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know. But what was that story you told about getting a ride to the airport or something? And you thought he was going to beat the shit out of you?

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah, he said, like, I'll pull the car over and stomp on you. Because I was.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, you're in a car just putting Will. Yeah, we were.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

We were having a lunch somewhere, and then when we were driving him to the airport, I built up. I mustered up the courage to bring up him stomping on Aaron Rodgers. I was like, you're gonna. So you're gonna say that the man upstairs knows what happened, but you clearly stomped on 12. And he was like, we can pull the car over now, and.

[Tom Segura]

I'll stomp your ass out.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I'll stomp your ass out. But, you know, that's just fun. Play.

[Tom Segura]

You know what I'm playing.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

He's not a psychopath.

[Tom Segura]

Not at all.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

No, not at all. That's just fun. It's just us being. Us being dudes.

[Tom Segura]

It was all. All the stories I heard were, like, at Nebraska, because obviously, like, everybody's more aware of the NFL stuff, because on tape.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, let's use. Let's watch a compilation of sue trying to kill people.

[Bert Kreischer]

Millions of views.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You're like, this is nuts.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

And, like, for a guy that big, that strong, and that upset, bro, and.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

He never got tired in any of the workouts. It was truly unreal. And even when they say, like, at Tampa. Because sue went to Tampa, went to Miami, right? No, no, he also. He also played. Yeah, he played at Miami, too, but.

[Tom Segura]

When he played for Tampa, he said, multiple stops.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, he's at Detroit, Miami, Tampa.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Right, right. But when he was at Tampa, I was talking to Levante David, who is an unreal linebacker, but I was like, yo, what's. What's sue like in the locker rooms now? Because we're all kind of, like, around the same kind of generation, and he's like. Like, Sue's one of the savviest businessmen, like, in the NFL, like, in between meetings, right after practice, in between all this stuff, he's, like, on conference calls, like, handling meetings. Like, Warren Buffett is, like, in his council. It's insane. Like, the dude is super impressive. He had an engineering degree at Nebraska, but an absolute. To your point, an absolute psychopath on the field. Like, we were at Baylor and he got a. He got a penalty for tackling the quarterback too hard. This was before all the protecting the quarterback stuff came out because he essentially, like, choke slammed the Baylor quarterback. It was insane.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

McCoy said he was puking up blood after the Big 12 championship because he.

[Tom Segura]

There's a couple stories that I honestly would tell you. I'll. I'll tell you off. I really don't feel like I should tell you.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

But there's the one that I. I think is fun to tell that I heard when I was there was like, how, you know, they do this thing. It's so weird that when there's bowl games, they're like, why don't you guys, like, have dinner together the night before? Like, right. Like, you're having, like, you're playing Texas in a bowl game. They're like, how about a.

[Bert Kreischer]

Both teams have dinner, put you in a banquet hall.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. What?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Even when you're watching it from. You're like, why are they having dinner? And then, like, they're. Everybody's like, a table away. So I guess when. For the bowl game that year, it was Nebraska. I forget who it. Maybe Kansas. Kansas State or something.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

We played when Sue's there. Clemson and Arizona, maybe Holiday Bowl. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So there's some bowl guy. Let's just say it's Arizona. So then they go, all right. And he's having his monster year, right? Like. Like, he's having a Unstoppable. He's getting every award. So they're at the. The, like the ESPN people come to, like, dinner, and they're like, how's the chicken? And they're asking everybody stupid. And then they ask the. The center for, like, let's say Arizona, like, oh, you have to facing Dominican Su tomorrow. And he's. He's won every award for defensive player of the year. How do you feel about that? And he goes, I'm not that worried about it. And he said that when I heard the story, they said that all the Nebraska guys, they were right. Because they were all sitting together. They just went like. Like, they just leaned forward and they're like, oh. And they saw sue just like, okay, like, eat. And they. They're like, we already knew, like, right then that it was going to be a problem.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he goes in the game, in the game. Sue picked him up like, like basically over his head and threw him head first down onto his head, onto his. The center. And like he had a neck injury and left the game like he, dude. I mean, I was like, God damn.

[Bert Kreischer]

Anytime he put in the seventh, like, it was all. By the time I got in the league, sue was out of Detroit and he was in Miami or whatever. We played Miami, like two out of three years in Miami. And they're like, there's all be always like older, savvy offensive linemen there. And they'd be like, whatever you do, do not talk to Sue.

[Tom Segura]

Just don't talk.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I was, yeah, like my rookie year and stuff like that was really mouthy. And I would, I would talk to, you know, try to talk to everybody.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then I tried to talk shit to sue and he kind of looked at me in the center in the huddle, grabbed me by the collar and told me to shut the up because I don't have to deal with him. He's like, shut the up. You do not, do not talk to him anymore. And I was like, okay, wow, enough. He was like a three year. I think it was Brian Schwanke and.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

It was like, gosh, the dude is a he.

[Bert Kreischer]

It was like, there are those guys in the league that when they get a little older, they become a little bit more mellow. And I think he signed a massive deal, $100 million deal at that point. Then it was like, just don't do, don't provoke him. Don't provoke. Don't poke the bear. If you poke the bear, bears can eat. You'll be like, cocaine bear. Yeah, you'll be fucking done.

[Tom Segura]

What was your shit talking like? Were you just like.

[Bert Kreischer]

My, my shit talking varied in a lot of different ways. Like, I'd hit. I hit it with the classic, like, you know, I'm. You're a pussy. That type of stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

But then there'd be times like, the NFL is a super. Like, it can be homophobic. A lot of guys, we don't play that in the locker room. So some dude be mouthing off to me. We were playing the Jags one time. It was. We were switching quarters. So like we're like walking in the middle of the field because we're like on the 30 yard line. So I've got to get the opposite 30 yard line. And one defensive lineman, a three technique. He's walking behind me, like, I'm here all day, blah, blah. You can't block me. And I turn around, I'm like, bro, you listen. If that. If you don't stop talking, I'm gonna suck your dick.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And our center comes out of nowhere, unprovoked. He goes. And we swallow here, too. And the rest of the game, he was like, what the fucking? Yeah. If you just say super gay things, NFL players, like, I've had other players, like, go from like, the Raiders to the Titans be like, hey, what's up with 77? Is he actually gay? Like, what's. What's the deal? Like, that's. It's a mind game.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I mean, when I was. When I was at the Raiders is like, hey, so what's up with your. What's up with your boy? Yeah, that's just. That's just my guy, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's just my guys.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I'm more of like, I champion everybody. I tell everybody. That was a solid route. That was good. That was good. Because I want, you know, that's the white guy. I need as much as I can to, like, I gotta sneak you.

[Tom Segura]

I've told this story before. I played in high school against Heath Evans. He was a fullback for, like 10 seasons in the NFL. He went to a really. We played at small schools in Florida. And I mean, it was. He was obviously different than like, the average person you played against in high school. You're like, what in the. It's like hitting a bank door, you know, Like. Like every time you hit, you're like, God damn. I mean, he was just like. He was built different. He was clearly gonna move on and. But so he played at a school that, like, they were terrible. He was the star player at a terrible school. Like, that. We would beat them, but he would still.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

He would play.

[Tom Segura]

He played like running back and linebacker. So he would still have like 18 tackles and 230 yards. Right. But they would lose. But every single time you. If you tackled them, I mean, it would. It would take the whole team. He'd be like, that was a great tackle. And you'd be like, what? And like, we were so not, you know, like, like, who does this?

[Bert Kreischer]

Sounds like Andrew Love.

[Tom Segura]

And he would, like, he would pat us on the back. He's like, great effort. I was like, shut the up, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, you do it.

[Tom Segura]

The. It wasn't even for, like a series. It was the entire game. Great effort, great block. You did a good job.

[Bert Kreischer]

Frustrate the. Out of you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Every time you're like, what do you do? And then. And he's actually. He was religious, so he would say, like, God, like, God bless and like, do prayer stuff. And I was like, is this like, are you with me?

[Bert Kreischer]

The funniest thing we talk about, like, religion and football, which is there's so many religious guys. So many religious guys. But in the locker room after warm ups, there'll be rap music going on about eating and getting money and doing drugs. And then they'll cut and I'll be like, all right, prayer in the shower. And everybody, like, walk in the shower and hold hands. Then as soon as they walk back out, press play back in getting money and all that stuff. And you're like, hey, does no one see. I wish the parody in this.

[Tom Segura]

The NFL would never allow. I never allow this talking to air. Yeah, because they'll release, you know, the mic'd up stuff, but it's all edited and cut. That would be such a dream. I always said I would pay like a thousand dollar, like season pass, but, oh, we can hear the guys on that be like, hey, I'm gay. Come suck this dick and swallow.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'd be like the best money, the best spent money you've ever had.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

There's some great talkers out there. I mean, D.J. swearinger, we talk about him from Gamecocks, like, what, what was it? Was it you telling the story about him during the Outback Bowl? Yeah, the Outback bowl, pregame and all that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Our returners are catching footballs and he pushed one of our returners out of the way, caught one of our footballs and kicked it into the stands. This is at Tampa Bay Stadium for a bowl game. And he goes, this is my house. Get the out of here. And I'm in the locker room just warming up in this little white returner. Drew Dealio, Shout out. Drew Dillio. He comes in hot mad, and sure enough, it was Swagu.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

That dude was two spoon Swagu.

[Bert Kreischer]

He is different now. Yeah, he was a different cat.

[Tom Segura]

Whoa.

[Bert Kreischer]

Dudes are just like that, though. Some guys, it varies, man. Some dudes don't. Do not say a word. Some guys are super positive. Some guys are super negative. It's like you never know who you're gonna get.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Just never know.

[Tom Segura]

And it's how. I mean, I think, I think it is how the, the stress of competition and what you're about to do affects everyone differently. So for some people to perform in. In that environment, it's, hey, shut down. Don't say a word. For some, it's like this, the, the stress of it makes them chirp a lot. Some of them like, I'm gonna stay pot. Like it's. That's why you just don't know what you're gonna get. But it's like, it's like the stress of the un. Like the unknown of battle. Right? Like, yeah. Like you don't know what's gonna happen and that it manifests itself differently through everybody. Like, I mean I seen guys who were like incredible athletes. Incredible athletes shut down quite like.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Not talk. They were like my game does all my talk. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Which is a cool thing.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

That's like a Rex burkhead. Like when Rex was at Nebraska, he was just a baller, but the dude was like, you know, just head down, yeah. Hand the ball to ref, do his thing.

[Tom Segura]

And then when that guy does say something, it's so powerful.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

We had to get. We had a kid in high school on our high school team who won the 100 and 200 meter track state championship. This kid is legit fast as. I mean he's the 100 meter champion in Florida and he's our punt returner and corner. He's 5 7. He ended up playing at Citadel. A corner at Citadel, but like he's 5 7, 160 pounds and looks like a, like a bodybuilder.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like a Tyree Hill type.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, dude. Like, and you're, I mean, and you're in high school and you're like this guy is fucking. This is insane. Like his. How talented he is and he was super religious and they would. He was a workhorse. Like he won games, you know, I mean like there's games we definitely would have lost that like he took a punt back kickoff just. And people, you know, when we played teams with like those badass dudes would talk mad shit and he would always, always just hand the ball to the ref, never say anything. And then one time we play these punk mother. Like these guys that were such fucking dirty bags and when they, they tried to hurt him and we. He popped up when he was. You can suck on my left nut to this kid. And we were all like, oh, like, like, yeah. Jay says that like we just, we couldn't believe it. But it like everybody for like a week, we're just like going to practice. We're like, suck up my left nut. He's like, I was just, you know, in the moment.

[Bert Kreischer]

Apologize for it after the game. Yeah, I'm sorry I spoke up during that drive.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I think it's insane how dudes can talk shit and play at a high level. Because I'm thinking, like, my conditioning can't do. Take all that. Like, I'm just trying to get back to the huddle, relay the play. I'm thinking how these dudes just.

[Bert Kreischer]

You have so much responsibility as a linebacker with a green dot.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Like. And I, you know, you just like subtle jokes out there. It's like, you know, I can't remember, but the first time we played, I know, like, we tapped helmets, but if I'm, like, tapping a white guy out there on the ass, I'm like, hey, I can't believe we're out here. Am I right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah. We get back. I remember Greg Olson. I've told the story before, but Greg Olson, I finally had my opportunity to start. It was like, my second or third game starting, I believe. And I remember breaking up a pass over the middle. He just, you know, buttoned up over the middle, and I broke it up and did the little. You know, I did the little incomplete thing, and then I webbed him like Spider man. He goes, who the are you? What are you, like, third string? And I was like, hey, I work for this spot, man. I work for this spot. And then, like, during time out, he comes over. He, like, taps me on the helmet, and he's like, hey, man, I'm really sorry for saying that. Like, I know you work hard. I know this and that. It's all good, bro. It's all good. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That is like. Like, that's actually impressive to, like, hey, man, I. I respect you. Absolutely. If I. If I hurt you in an emotional way, I don't.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

The weirdest thing is playing against people that you've been. You grew up watching.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, we played the Raiders my second or third year, and Charles Woodson was there, and I remember we were, like, on a timeout. I'm like, hey, dude. Like, you're awesome. And it was so weird just to say. And he's like, thanks, young blood. Appreciate that. All right. Yeah. Appreciate it. I'm like, but get the out of here. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You're like, how? He's like, I'm 42. You're like, you're 42 years old.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

It's crazy.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

How long?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And, like, I don't know if that's, like. Because you hear stories, but, like, the stories about Woodson that people said, they're like, yeah, he just like. Is that, like, he's not killing himself in the weight room or, like, he's Just. That's better than everybody.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah, I heard he was like a. An absolute, you know, study. He was all about it, like the film room and everything else.

[Tom Segura]

That's the thing that impresses me the most to when I watch like these pieces on players, because you just as a, as a spectator, you just go like, oh, this is like a super gifted athlete. We've seen like, you see athletes and you're like, wow, this guy's so just blessed, right, with his like, physical abilities. Is that when you hear how committed some people are to studying, you're like, oh, that. That's why they're great. Like, they are gifted, right. But the dedication is other level.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

That's what keeps people in the league for a while too, is just the ability to play from the neck up and everything else, because your body ends up breaking down. Like, yeah, you guys stay on top of your body and everything else. I appreciate that. Yeah, you got to stay on top of your body and everything else. But that is like, that's where the majority of the league, the guys that like, stick around for a long time.

[Tom Segura]

You have to like, I love this shit.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

You have to be. If you're not a starter, if you're not out there on the field, you have to be like just a dependable backup and somebody like in my position and then like play special teams.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

But, yeah, you always hear the stories about like some of the greats that people come from players that come from other teams and they're coming on your team. They're telling you about these guys that you look up to on other teams, and they're like, man, so and so's in the, you know, in the building, doesn't leave till like 7 or 8 at night and everything else. And you're just kind of like fascinated by it.

[Tom Segura]

Tony Gonzalez told me this thing that I thought was such a cool, like, little insight. So he played like, what, 17 seasons at tight end? It's fucking insane. He's like, you know, I'm asking him, like, because he's like, fine. Like, he just walks around, you're like, you're okay. And he's like, well, he goes, you know, I figured out that, like, if I caught a ball and I see the guy coming right here and I'm on the sideline, and I just like, you know, cover up if he's coming this way, I'll just start to fall the way, you know, with the hit. Yeah, he goes. So a lot of times you would hear like, oh, like. Because it would look like I Got blown up. He's like, I was already going in that direction so that. So that the hit wouldn't have the same level of impact. Right. Because if I lean, I'm going to fudgeing lean into him. It's going to be up. We're going to hit, and I'm going to feel it more. But if I know I'm about to get hit this way and I lean that way, he's like, it's less impact. And I was like, oh, that's fudgeing. Because, like, most people, or a lot of people, I guess, would go, no, no, I'm going to like, I'm gonna put my shoulder into this. And he was like, no, no. I was like, I'm trying to minimize the damage. He's like, I'm doing that for, like, 12 of the seasons I play.

[Bert Kreischer]

Did the ability to displace ego.

[Tom Segura]

That's a big displacement of you.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. If you're. A lot of guys are like, I'm gonna try to show how hard I can run this. And then as you get older, you learn like, hey, this isn't forever. How can I make this as long as possible? Sounds like did it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Dude. I saw Stefan Diggs shoulder pads, and they look like paper plates. And I was like, how the. And the guy's like five, seven or something.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And they're just like. Yeah. But, like, when he sees the guy, he just, like, scoots down.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I mean, remember what's his name? Is it Michael Bennett, the D tackle for the Seahawks or the D end?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Remember, he basically wore, like, nothing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

He would cut there.

[Bert Kreischer]

There was like a one big shoulder pad and then a shoulder pad that went here. He'd cut those off and tuck his jersey in.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Where the baggiest jersey. And.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. This is something I completely don't understand is, like, how you got, like when you start watching and. You know, like, you play in high school and you're all padded up and you see college and then you see NFL guys and you're like, are there no leg pads? Like, doesn't everyone. Aren't everyone's legs hurting? Like, just. Just like, just the. The pants on you. Like, there's no thigh pads anymore.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

It's like.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's kind of pads. Hip pads kind of go away in college.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah. Hips kind of went away in college. You'd have, like, the girdles or whatever.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then you kind of just go to a girdle or something that can. With, like, the most small pad just to see, like, you're just making sure you don't get in trouble. Like you're wearing the right appropriate attire.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then eventually you just stop, like really wearing anything.

[Tom Segura]

That's really crazy though.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's not great because you're, you're, you're shedding things as competition gets higher and as everyone is bigger, faster and strong, you're like, just fucking let it go.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

But also more, you know, I know a lot of people. It's like you want to wear, you want to be like as light as possible because the game gets faster at every level and everything else. So you're trying to feel as free as possible while also like trying to be a little bit protected.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I think it plays into looking better too.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Bulkier pads. It's like.

[Tom Segura]

So it's not all about looking good.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

It's not all about some swag, you know, I mean, get a little, you.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wanna, I mean, you see the guys, we all got the socks low or high.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

A bunch of little things on there. Like, they're like, There are dudes in there hours before the game getting their little. Right, the little black stuff.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah. They do a whole bunch.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Absolutely. Anytime you get a comment like, hey, come on, man, you gotta do a little bit better than that. You're just thinking, might be the worst.

[Bert Kreischer]

Trip he gets all day. Like, you're just like, man, they're kind of killing. Like, you kind of want to look good. You want to look like you can do something. Like a dark visor. I wore a visor.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

The best looking, the best looking piece of attire in the.

[Tom Segura]

Those are tight. And they used to have like, in the 90s, they had like the, the orange, like the reflective gold.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah. Back when they like allowed that. Dude, I know, cuz you see a.

[Tom Segura]

Linebacker over the middle like this and he looks like a, he looks like a Terminator or something. Right? Like you just see gold reflective sheen. You don't see eyes, you're like, ooh, this a badass look. Like that was tight.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Just picturing like a Ray Lewis from Miami.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Dude.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

With the orange. And then you see the little, little ring go down with that linebacker face mask. Just roam in the middle.

[Tom Segura]

That really is swag. Like that. Those teams were like, I remember when I was, when we were in high school, I went to the. You get taped up. And I asked the. There was a lady that taped us. I was like, will you give me the, the Bruce Smith tape? You remember his tape? It would come over the hand. Like it was like a Boxer's tape. So his hand was taped in addition to the wrist. It was like wrist and then here. And she was like, no. And I was like. I was like, no. She's like, for what? I was like, for my hands.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I was like. I was like, bruce Smith has. She's like, you ain't Bruce Smith.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was like, so funny. High school. High school trainers are hilarious.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

They're just like catching hours.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

They want to take the minimal amount of people they possibly can, of course. But that tape goes away too. In the NFL, tape does people. Some people as you get older. As I got older, at least I stopped taping my ankles. Stop taping.

[Tom Segura]

Did you really? Yeah, I always felt so much more like, stable. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

You start to learn about the body, though. You, you, you immobilize the ankle. Then it puts more pressure on the knee, which puts more pressure on the hip. And then it's the back of these.

[Tom Segura]

Really? And what about up here though? Nothing either.

[Bert Kreischer]

I would wear. I went from tape and I started wearing wrist guards. So you just kind of strap them on real fast. And then I broke this thumb, so I had to put like a. A little brace on there. And then I tape like these two fingers.

[Tom Segura]

Do you remember everybody having tons of on? And then Reggie White just was like, just put the jersey on. Like just nothing. No gloves. No. And then just take people and go.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I always think it's badass when you see the dudes just have their like, like fingers taped.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, the fingers on him a little bit.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I feel like I got half a.

[Bert Kreischer]

Guys with their hand in the dirt. I think that shit is lame.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I'm thinking of like DBS.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. DB's got. That looks hard, but like a dude with his hand in the ground and he's got his knuckles in my bro, you ain't. Come on.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, if you don't wear gloves, you're a psychopath to me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Thought of hitting somebody without gloves.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah. Yeah, I could.

[Bert Kreischer]

I could fuck out of here.

[Tom Segura]

Can you imagine hitting the. Like, he would just show up completely nothing and then take a. Like a 330 pound guy with one with that hump move and go like this. And. And you see the guy like just go falling, flying down. Like he'd launch a guy like 10 yards.

[Bert Kreischer]

There is nothing more embarrassing than getting put on the ground.

[Tom Segura]

Like that has to be right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Unless you just catch one in the throat. You get put on your ass and then they make the sack and you're just like, dude, I am Nothing.

[Tom Segura]

What feels. What feels worse? Getting, like, having somebody stronger than you toss you or somebody so fast that they just are past you and you're like, fuck that. Like, they're. They're back here and you're like, what just happened?

[Bert Kreischer]

Whiffing on somebody is tough, but I feel like for me, I could always, like, in my mind, like, you get changed these couple of things. There's no worse feeling than having another man's hands on you and not have. You can't do anything about it.

[Tom Segura]

You can't do it. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And you're just like, I guess we're just going to go where you want to go today.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's a tough feeling. That's the worst feeling, actually, ever.

[Tom Segura]

So that's like.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

It has to be, too for, like, an old lineman. Like, I just feel guys in the trenches because I know for me, it's like you get outrun or you get beat on your feet. I'm thinking, God damn it, they were all right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right?

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

You know what I mean?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

God damn it. I know coaches over there, like, we should not have ran cover one with Compton in the game. But, like, if I get. If I get bodied or something, you're kind of just like, on the way down. But, yeah, you know, like, Marshawn lynch, we always get God.

[Bert Kreischer]

Everyone gets God.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

But I feel like as an old lineman, it's got to be the, Like, a demoralizing thing. Like, you just get manhandled in the trenches and you're like, you're a guy in the trenches that has a feeling.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

When you stopped playing football, when did you start comedy? When was that? Like, when did you know that was the path?

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Great transition.

[Bert Kreischer]

Thank you, bro.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

That was good. We just been talking ball.

[Bert Kreischer]

We've lowered. It's time to get.

[Tom Segura]

That's all I want to talk about. I mean, so I. I get to college, I realize, like, you know, I'm not. It is weird because it becomes like you have a. More of it. Like, you know, it's like your identity. You're like, oh, people. Like, what are you? Like, I play football. Yeah. In high school. You're like, I'm a football player. That's what you think you are. And then you get to college and you're like, I'm not. I'm definitely like, there's players going to team meetings. I'm like, I'm ready to go. I'm like, oh, I don't play football. And then you're just like, I don't know. I. I mean, I Loved doing comedy. So I'm making like comedy videos, you know, but like it's not even for, it's not, there's not, it's not the Internet. It's not like I want to share this video. It's like they're, they're like make a video for a communications class. That's boring. Like do a, do a video about like how, how, how the security works in the building. Like, you know, do like show us that you can do like a transition shot. And then I would make mine like a comedic version of it, you know, and then there were like the teacher, like the. Is this right? Like, yeah, because I was trying to make it funny, right? And then I, the more you do that, the more you're like, I like this, I like this. Right? So you. I keep making like comedy esque sketches, but like for assignments. And then when I finally get out of college, I get out in 2001, I graduate and then, yeah, in June of 2001. And then I moved to LA, January 2002. Like I actually, I remember that I arrive in LA January 2002, on the day that it's a, it's a bowl game. It's. It's Ohio State. Miami is playing in that, like a big time bowl game. And then I start doing, I start going to improv classes at the Groundlings, which is like this renowned place where a lot of SNL people have come from. I start doing that in, in like April of 2002. And I have guys that are in the class that are like, you should try stand up. Like, they're just telling me like, you should try stand up. You would like stand up. I was like, all right. Because they did stand up. And then a couple of them were like, I'll show. Because I was like, what do you do? Like, I mean, I've seen stand up, but like, how do you, how do you start? So I kind of tail them. They're like, just watch me, I'm gonna do spots tonight. So they go and do like a spot here, a spot there. I just follow them around. And then one of them walks me into a place and like when they, when the lady is like, oh, what's up to this guy Nick? He's like, oh, this is Tom, he's a comic. And I'm like, what's up? And she's like, oh, do you want to do. I have like an opening next Saturday. You want to do that spot? And I was like, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

And then she's like, all right, you're booked. And then it just kind of. And then I was like, I'm doing a spot next Saturday. Like, I've never written material or. And so then it was just. It was just on from, like, once I did it, it is that, like, addictive? You either are going to be like, I'm not doing that again, or you're like, I got to do that again. And it was just like that. So that was 2002. And then it was just a slow. You know, I used to do, like, one spot, like, every two months, and I'd be like, yeah, I've been doing st. Like, doing some standup, like, thinking that that's a lot. I mean, I just didn't know. Like, you have no kind of frame of reference for it. And the. The big clubs seem, like, so intimidating. So I would just do like, smaller shows, you know, like, someone would be like, come to this bar and do a show. And I was. I was kind of, like, scared to go into the clubs. And then it just kind of just, you know, slow progression, like, grew from there.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

When did it, like, your first big break come with, like, breaking into the scene?

[Tom Segura]

Well, I. I mean, one of my friends was actually working for Jay Moore, and Jay. And he recommended me to be an opener, and Jay let me do some opening. So that was definitely a. A break, because the improvs, like, that own so many clubs. They. Before Jay, I was like, can I, you know, work here? And they gave me a showcase. I always tease the guy. Now when I. Whenever I see him, his name is Matt Komen. I. I go. I got upstairs and I had a good set. Like, you know, when you had. There's no. Like, you can be delusional. But I'm like, I know when I don't do well, and I did well. And I was like, what's up? He goes, you definitely have something. Like, just keep at it. And I was like. And that was it. Like, he wouldn't get. I was like, I have something.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he was like, yeah, just keep at it. And I'm like, okay. And he didn't book me. But then when Jay requested me to open, then they were like, now you can do spots. You know what I mean? Like, he gave the green light, and then they were like, now you can do spots. So that was a. That was a big deal because then I could work more regularly, do get on stage more. So that was one. I did a couple things on Comedy Central when people actually watched Comedy Central. Yeah. And, like, there was stand up on.

[Bert Kreischer]

There little 30 minute sets or whatever.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that was, I thought that was actually for some people that changed their careers. It was called Comedy Central Presents.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And that was, that was actually the goal, right? Like, the goal was to get. Because everybody who you admired had done Comedy Central Presents. So, like, I just kept, I mean, that's all I wanted to do. So I did, I did one of their shows. It was called Live at Gotham. That was used to be called Premium Blend. And then they made a new version called Live at Gotham. It was here at the Gotham Comedy Club in New York. I did that show that was supposed to be like the precursor to like getting a present. So then you would submit. What you do is you send in tape or DVD. Oh, yeah. And you'd be like, here's my 30 minute set. And then the lady was like, you know you're gonna get one, but not this year. And you're like, all right. So you'd work a whole other year, send in another set. She's like, this is really good. Not this year. Like, and then the third year I got it. And then I remember I had a, I had a good presents because some people, like, it's one of those things where, like, it, it's like having like a bad combine outing. You know, like, you go, like, I, I, I don't know, I just didn't run well. I didn't, I didn't. I threw up 225. Eight time. Like, this sucks.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That happens to people.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And they're still good. And so that happens on these tapings where you're like, I hope this go. And it went well. And I remember the lady that was producing it goes, this is going to change your road life, like, touring. I was like, and I didn't, I didn't want to, like, show too much emotion. I was like, yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then they open the new season. It's still popular at the time. This is end of 20. Going into 2011, I'm like the featured, like, highlight new season of Comedy of Presents. And then it aired and you know, you see tweets and, and you're like, are things, like, about to change, man? Didn't change at all. Like, nothing changed.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

And I was like, man, it's like, I mean, got your hopes up a little bit.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I mean, a girl, this.

[Bert Kreischer]

Is going to change your life. You got to think she, you're probably thinking, this woman knows everything.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And she produced all of Carlin's specials. So she's like, like, she's like I mean, the real deal.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, she was like. You know, she's like, trying to, like, produce other things with me. And she's like, this is gonna. You're gonna see, like, your life change. I was like, you're trying to just, like, not get too excited. It'd be like someone being like, you're gonna get a phone call tomorrow from the chiefs. Like, I know you're enjoying college right now, but things are about to change. And you're like, okay. You just kind of like, all right, cool. And then chiefs are like, who?

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Like, you're just like, what the fuck? So they. You know, you just keep going. I remember, like, the big bump was that, I think club. A club was paying me 1500 a week to do six shows, and they went to 1850. And they're like, see, your life changed.

[Bert Kreischer]

You're like, all right, great, baby.

[Tom Segura]

So you just keep doing that. And then I did. I did. In 2013, I shot my first Netflix special, but it wasn't for Netflix. It was shot on spec, which means you pay to. Somebody pays for the production, and then you have it, and then they shop it. So they. They sent it to, like, Comedy Central. That's where. That's where you wanted to be. People don't remember. That's where you want it to be. And Comedy Central passed. They're like, no. And then they sent it to Showtime, and they were like, no. And HBO was like, are you out of your mind? And then. And then Netflix took it, and it was like a consolation prize. It was like, well, the USFL is back.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Which is wild to think about now.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Because, like, that's where everybody wants to be now, is Netflix, right?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. Because it's just like. It's the eyeballs. I mean, this thing is always changing. We don't know what's going to happen in next year or five. I mean, I'm sure the landscape will change, but for the last decade, it is Netflix. Netflix is where you want to be. And so when it comes to. When they told me we're going there, I was like. I was like, you mean the place you send DVDs to? Like, yeah, that's what it was. And it was a slow. Here's the thing, it wasn't like, it came out, and then there I was like, oh, it was slow. Like, it was like. I was. I would do a club, and they were like, you sold. Like, you sold some tickets this week. I was like, oh, really? I wasn't even thinking about the special. Because it was like five months later, and then all of a sudden they're like, hey, you sold out the club. And I was like, for real? That we weren't like, it was the special. We were like, how did that happen? And then it started to go like, oh, this special has gotten traction. I was like, no way. But it was very slow. And by the end of the year, they were like, you selling out every show at the club.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

How fired up hearing, getting that kind of feedback. Like, man, it's really starting to get around.

[Tom Segura]

It is. It's amazing. It is amazing. And you, you know, it's like, you don't want to boast. You don't want to go, like, yeah. You're just kind of like, is this for real? Like, you can't believe it's real. You can't believe it's real because, like, it's so hard, you know, to grind. Like, you're just, like, working at it. And at the time, I mean, whatever. That's 10. I was 34. 30. You've been doing it for 12 years. You're like, I don't know if it's ever going to change much from this. And then to find, like, to sell out the clubs, and you're like, you just can't believe that people are out there and, like, full. And they're just. They want. They're like, are they like, I saw your. And it's. They love it. You can't believe it. And not to mention that you get, like, real checks. You're like, this is a. This is crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Real money.

[Tom Segura]

It's crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Every level of it is crazy. But at first it seems like, like, Monopoly money. You're like, this is what I used to make in a year. You know, like that. Like, for real. Like a year.

[Bert Kreischer]

God, what a feeling.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

What a feeling. That is.

[Tom Segura]

It's crazy. It is a crazy feeling.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

It's gotta be it. And just hearing the, you know, obviously you, like, love ball and everything else, and then talk about high school and then like, damn, you wanted to play in college and everything else. So obviously that competitive nature and that fires.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

So when you are starting to sell out and start to, like, get over the hump and everything else, like, you can imagine the energy that he had when he's realizing, like, yo, it's starting to happen.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it was. It was. It's like, it's beyond. And I kind of, you know, I know it because I've experienced it now. So when I see it happening for other Comics, like, I'm, I'm very excited for. I'm like, I know what's happening to you right now. You know, is it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Is that a split world, the comic world? Is there guys that are like, for the most part, are comics excited for other comics or are there other. Like, is it kind of 50, 50, like, hey, we don't want to help or we do want help, because that's kind of how the NFL is. Like, yeah. New guys come in. Some guys are like, hey, come on, let's show you how it goes. The other guys are like, off. You're not taking my job.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's. It's a little bit of that. I mean, that's. That the guys that are whatever, like, stand up, whatever, they're just insecure because, like, they don't realize that there's enough. There is enough room. Like, well, you guys, there's a real. There is roster spots. Yeah, right. With what we do, there's no such thing as, like, if he's funny, you're done.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, you know, you're no longer funny. Yeah, it's not, it's not like that. But I think some people don't realize that, that, like, we, we can all work and do shows and sell tickets. Like, it's not. It's not really a threat to you. And I actually feel like, great, Stan. Like, when I watch a stand up and they're like, legit, really good, I don't go. I'm like, this is. I get excited by it. Like, I find it kind of inspiring, you know, I'm like, oh, this is all, like, really good. Stand up is exciting and it makes me want to do stand up. It makes me want to go get back on stage. I'm like, that was so fucking good that I want to do more standup, you know, Shitty standup. Makes me, like, want to go home.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, go take a nap.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I'm like, this sucks. I get anxiety. I want to leave the room. Like, when I'm watching, I'm like, oh, fuck. And I just, like, I walk out of the room. But when they're good, I want to sit there and watch it like anybody else, you know? Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

When you're. When you're coming up and you've already found your voice, you found your cadence, you found your timing. How do you go and watch other comics that are making it and doing well that have similar humor to you and not take their. Because it seems like a very difficult job to not, you know, snipe someone's joke. And change it up a little.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah, exactly. Like, you hear something, you're like, and that was solid. I. I feel like.

[Bert Kreischer]

And the thing that comes to mind, like, growing up, like, when I was, you know, getting like, turning like 12, 13, like, Dane Cook was big, and I. I love Dane Cook. I thought it was awesome. But then as you get older, more media, more podcasts come out, people are kind of hating on Dane Cook. I'm not asking you to do that, but people are saying Dane Cook stole from Louis CK with the rolling of the R's and all this different stuff. Like, how do you not take that stuff? Was that ever a struggle for you?

[Tom Segura]

No. I mean, I think there's just such a. An established thing where it's usually when you see somebody who's like, you hear a great joke, you just go that. Like, God damn, I wish I would have thought of that. Right. But it's like, he did it. Like, when you see it, you're just like, that's done now, you know? Yeah. So it never occurs to you to go like, how can I make that mine? You kind of just go like, I need to write more. I need to come up with some. But yeah, no, the. And which, like, look, the. The. The real thing is that. That's why I think so many of us, myself included, lean so hard into talking about our lives. Because there's no. Like, you can't.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

It's uniquely yours.

[Tom Segura]

It's exactly. If I talk to you about, like, my wife, my kids, my dad, my travels, like, you know, my experiences, there is no chance that I'm talking about what you're talking about. Like, it's so uniquely mine. So that's. I think that's something that has really evolved in stand up is like, people have really. A lot. Not everybody, but a lot of people just really lean into talking about their personal experiences because there's no. You're not going to cross contaminate anything. But I. I mean, yeah, I watch jokes where I'm like, that was so good. And I. My thought really is like, I wish I would have thought of that.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

You.

[Tom Segura]

You piece of.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

It would almost suck. Like, I feel like. I feel like it almost sucked. Like, you're doing your own thing. You don't really watch a whole lot. And then one of your jokes is similar to somebody else. People like, oh, you kind of. And then you're just thinking. I would assume that you're just thinking like, well, I didn't. I didn't know.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I'll tell you what. I have said a few times I've seen somebody do a bit that something similar to what I'm doing and I'm in the room and I always tell them in that moment, like, hey, just so you know, I have a bit very similar to what you're saying right now. Because it's something that's not out. Like, if it's out, then I'm just, I'll be like, oh, they're, they're doing something similar to something I have out.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So they're gonna look like they're doing my bit.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Your fans will let them know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, like, and the people. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And people will, I mean, I've, I've had people tell me, they're like, you're. That bit is similar to so and so's. And I'll be, I'll look and either they're not similar and you're like, that's not even remotely close. There's just like, we both have a bit about hats and you're like, you stole his bit. I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, we're both allowed to talk about hats.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Right?

[Tom Segura]

You know, But I've also told people, like, I've seen something similar and then I go, I look at when they came out and if my shit came out first, I'm not even accusing the other person of taking it. I'm just like, hey, just so you know, mine came out a year before and then that person like shuts down. Yeah, but I've told people because you want to tell, you want to tell somebody so that they don't think like, if somebody is up there and they do their hat bit and you're like, I'm doing a bit right now. You want to tell them if they see you because you want them to know, hey, I didn't come up with that after I saw you that day at the club. I'm doing it right. That's why I tell them in the moment, right. That. But that happens. That's a normal thing to happen where you go, we're both talking about fucking ice or whatever, you know. So, yeah, yeah, I just, just let you know that I am also exploring what it is to have sub freezing water in my.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

So yeah, when you have a, like a platform as big as you do, like you and bird with two bears. Two bears, one cave and just all the. You kind of have like a network and as big as your brand is, what is the benefit? And if it's as simple as finances, then I guess that's what the answer would be. But what is the benefit of being on, like, a Netflix or streaming platform versus you just doing your own thing because you have such a big audience yourself?

[Tom Segura]

No, it's actually a good question. I mean, everything has changed. I mean, one of the things that is, like, obvious is that you can have great success with posting a special on YouTube. Like, YouTube, people were like, seeing as, like, for a minute, like, oh, things didn't work out for you, right? You had to put it on YouTube. And then you see what's happened with specials on YouTube that when they hit, they explode.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I mean, Shane's.

[Bert Kreischer]

Shane, dude, that Stand up in Austin has got to be one of my top five.

[Tom Segura]

It's one of my top five. It is so funny when I. I just told. I saw him yesterday and I was. I mean, I've told him this before that when I first was, you know, I'd heard about him and I saw a clip and I was like, it's funny. And then his special came out. It first came out, I. I was sent the, you know, whatever the. The link, I. I click on it and I realized that, like, 15, 20 minutes have gone by, and I'm like. And the reason that, like, I'm, like, surprised is, like, normally, like, I tap out fast. Like, I'll watch stand up for, like, three minutes and, like, turn it off, you know, a special. And then I'm, like, checking again. I'm like, I'm about to finish this thing. It's like at whatever, 50 minutes or something, I turn it off. And I was like, that is the most engaged and hardest I've laughed at a special in a long, like, in a while. And it was a YouTube special that, like, he was. It's so good. Like, it's also, like, it is my wheelhouse of what I find funny. Like, like, you know, I mean, like, there's genres of things that people like it, no question. It really hit me in my. In my spot where I was like, this is so fucking funny. And yeah, I mean, I. I love that special. I think it's one of the best specials of the last five years. Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

The Alabama football, the Fox News. Oh, it's just all of it.

[Tom Segura]

The dad is probably made me laugh the hardest. Like, when he'. When he talks about, like, when he's like, that drunk and he wakes up to, like, what's going on in Israel, like, the bombing each. Like, that made me laugh.

[Bert Kreischer]

Whoa.

[Tom Segura]

So, yeah, whoa, that made me laugh.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's the talk about the wall and they're up in the northeast. The thing that is so funny to me about Shane is what's so funny to me about you and your standup is like Shane can say so little and have such a presence and, and just a little movements and the timing. Like when I watch Sledgehammer, you're literally having conversation with your kid or with your dad and you like are just doing eight words in the span of 30 seconds. But the way you put the words and where you put them, it's hilarious.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Thanks, man. Thanks. I mean it's, it's the type of thing. Yeah. That like, I mean, little things, the nuance of things is what makes me laugh the hardest. More so than like the, the, the, you know, the big punchline is always something you want, but like it's the little stuff that makes me remember and love stuff.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, like the little facial expressions, the paws being in the right place. That's what you work on too. You know, the callbacks that have callbacks.

[Bert Kreischer]

All that's are always a fun little treat.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I feel like that's a lot of your fans like watching it too. You just see the, the reaction by a lot of your fans like when you do hit the callbacks throughout the entirety of the special and everyone just clapping because it's funny. But it's also like, man, like well done. Like that would have to feel, that would have to feel.

[Tom Segura]

So yeah, you want to like, you don't want them to be too like, you know, for lack of a better like to eat. You want to weave them in a clever way because then they're kind of like, oh, like there it is.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

As opposed to just like dropping it whenever. So like, like making a callback feel organic. So it's like it's in a bit 10 minutes later. But it is, you know, it's a callback to something, but it's, it, it feels natural. In the newer bit or in the later bit. That's like a fun thing. I think to.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

It's like an appreciation clap that's happening.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fun. By the way, I have to mention because, because I did see Shane yesterday that he was like, we. If you can watch that. It came out today. I was like, how was, how was the beer Olympics? He goes, you dodged a bullet. He goes, it sucks.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, he's lying.

[Tom Segura]

And I was like, shut up. And then what we got into was first of all, yes, he did show me bruise. He's like, this is a week old bruise. It's still yellow.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I was like, here's what it is. You hang out with these guys and you're like, this is just good guys, like the regular guys. I go. But when you take these assholes, these. These pro athletes, and you just go, we're competing. I go, this switch happens that you.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

For.

[Tom Segura]

You forget that they're monsters. Like, they're actual literal monsters. He's like, dude, I had a guy grab me by my neck and hold me. He goes, I thought we were playing. I thought we were, like, around then.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's me.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah, keep talking, I'll show it to you.

[Tom Segura]

He goes, I got beat the. And I was drunk, so I didn't know what was happening to me until the next day. And he was like, it hurts so bad, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

This is why Shane's such a.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, tell me, tell me.

[Bert Kreischer]

Because that whole wrestling, that's me and Shane.

[Tom Segura]

That's the.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He looks like he's suffering right there.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

That doesn't look like there's someone made.

[Bert Kreischer]

A meme out of that.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Taylor has him like that, like in the point. He's dragging him.

[Bert Kreischer]

Someone put him.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

He's tapping like three or four times. And Taylor's just dragging him throughout the pool. You can just tell he's in an absolute shoving.

[Tom Segura]

He goes, yeah. He goes, taylor's a professional shover. He's shoving me.

[Bert Kreischer]

He fucking. So here's how it started. We were in my man cave and we're kind of fucking around because I do. I think Shane's hilarious. And I love being around him, especially when he's got a couple of drinks in him and he kind of comes out of a shell a little bit and he starts, you know, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? And he starts egging it on. So we end up on the couch. There's a photo of us on the couch. I'm like, full mounted on him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I'm like holding him. And he's like. He's choking, but, like, you're a, like, still egging it on.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah. And then.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sure. Like, Will gets in a fight with this guy, the lead singer of Midland, throws him in the pool, starts wrestling him. And then JP's like, hey, get Shane in the pool. So I like, you know, Shane, he didn't want to take that shirt off for nobody. We gotta get him in this fucking pool. So I body tossed him in there. And you can see in this video is like, you don't want this. And he kind of takes his shirt off. We start going, but he instigated 95 of that shit. He, him and Bert would lose in a competition. And then Shane would find me and Will and come up behind us and be like, you're being nasty. You're being a bad host, man. You're such a bad host. Well, I'm like, trying to shoot a beer pong ball, and I'm like, dude, I'm gonna fucking end this.

[Tom Segura]

He said, who was it? He said, an NHL player.

[Bert Kreischer]

Jaw James.

[Tom Segura]

He goes. He goes, this dude legit hurt me. And then came back. It was like, my bad on that.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Those hockey players, they look like sticks. They are strong and sturdy individuals. They're playing like, that's. After all the competition is over.

[Tom Segura]

It's like. And they fight. Like, they legit fight.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah. And they can booze, too. They can put it down. And they get. And start playing pool, basketball. And I looked over for a minute. I could have sworn three people were drowning at one point. It was just. It's. Elbows are being thrown. Dudes are getting thrown everywhere. It was as fratty and as energetic as it possibly can get.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you got. You gotta watch Shane talk about it.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Out today.

[Tom Segura]

It's out today.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Two Bears.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, it's. It's his. I came because I did it.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Oh, you went out to.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, dude, I went to Queens.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

How wild is his spot? I was out there. What was that, a month ago? He's like, hey, you want to come do the pod? I was like, hell, yeah, dude. And then I call him when I get there. I'm like, hey, am I in the right spot? And then we come in. I'm like, yeah. Why are you living like this, man? He's like, is how you make comedy? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

And then I go, he lives.

[Bert Kreischer]

He lives like a. Like a hoarder, right?

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah, he lives like. He's like a college student. You go upstairs and all the boys are just sitting there playing ufc, like, video games.

[Tom Segura]

It's such a departure from my life. I live like a baller, and I'm like, what the. Yeah, but it's funny, man. Yeah, it's a choice.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, it is a choice.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

He does a lot of sketch comedy. Why didn't you. Was there ever a point when you were talking about doing communications and making videos and, like, doing all that? Did you ever want to do, like, Mad Team?

[Tom Segura]

Definitely.

[Bert Kreischer]

Snl.

[Tom Segura]

Definitely. I mean, I literally thought that when I was at that. Groundling. The Groundlings. If you. If you look it up, it's like, it's the West Coast Improv. School that so many people you know would go to.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like Second City, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, exactly.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

It's the LA version of that. And it's. I mean, Will Ferrell came from there, Fallon, all, like, all endless people. So when I found that out, I was like, oh, that's where I'll go. And then I'll do snl. Like, I literally thought that was the way to do it. And then they have tier. Like, they have. It's a school. So, like, there's entry, like, level one, level two, like. Like that. Then there's this thing called writer's lab, Then there's Sunday Company, and then there's the ground links. Right. So it's a whole thing. When you get to writing lab, if they call you, it means that you've, like, you at least have some chops. Like, if you're. If you suck, they're not. They don't call you for that. And they go, well, they call you, and it's to, like, you know, start working on the writing aspect of it. If you can pass on it, you can go like, I can't do it right now. And they'll call you a second time. But if you pass a second time, they never call you again. That's the policy. And so the first time they called me, I had a legit. I can't do it right now. I don't remember what it was. But the second time they called me, it was. I realized I started doing stand up. And I remember I. I mean, you know, I got 50 bucks to do it here, a hundred dollars to do it there. And I was like, I think this is the path I need. Like, I felt like if I go do that, it's going to be a distraction from stand up. Like, it's. It's. I'm spread out in a way that I. I can't register. So I said no. But I still liked doing sketch stuff. Like, I. You know, I've filmed sketches over the years and posted them, and I've acted in a few things. I have, like, a couple things that are, like, legit. Like, I have a thing with Bert that we're gonna do. I have a. Another movie in development at a. At a. At a place. And then I. I filmed, like, my own version of, like, I filmed the pilot last year that I paid for.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. And I sold it. So, like, we're gonna go make the series.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's awesome.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So it's. And that's, like, I wrote it, I'm in it. I produced it, spent so much money to make it look. I just didn't want it to look like, like a sketch show because I didn't look so low production. So we don't like, we actually call them shorts, like, you know, like it's like if you ever watch Black Mirror, like though an episode of that will have like, you know, it's like a short film and that's how we tried to make this series, like short films.

[Bert Kreischer]

Any idea when that's gonna come out?

[Tom Segura]

Well, it'd be cool if the strike was resolved, so.

[Bert Kreischer]

That is true.

[Tom Segura]

You probably get, I mean I want it, I want them to get what they need obviously and what they want. But my guess would be that it would be late next year when we would be able to put that out. Yeah, you.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I know when we had Bert on and we're kind of like asking about your guys dynamic and everything else and he alludes to you being like the brains behind the operation. Like over the years. I obviously, you know, humble cat. But how do you learn to, how have you learned how to build all of these things out over time? Like do you have a, like a knacker, an interest? Like when you're building out, like you have a media network, you have all these things going on, like balancing all that and learning about all that. Because it does seem like you are a very savvy behind the microphone but. Or you know, behind the camera and everything else.

[Tom Segura]

No, I think it's like, you know, I, I'm an observer and I, I try to like learn from what other people are doing too. So I do a lot of that. Like, I do a lot of like seeing what works for other people and then following instincts and like, you know, not being, not being resistant to like the new whatever's something, something is like coming about like you know, hey, whatever. It could be like tick tock is where everyone's going and not being like, I'm not going to do that, you know, that's not for me. Like just being open to the fact that, that you can't, you can't just go, I do it this way. This is what we do. Like being open to those ideas and, and trying things. Like I'm, I'm. I think if you're a comic, you're a natural entrepreneur. Like you man it, you own your business and that means that you're not totally risk averse. Like you're going to take risks. And so like we take risks in things like when we do these, we do these live streaming shows like to produce them, you have to spend money. You have to, like, go ahead and put together a different type of show. Like, it's like, it's like almost like a variety show. We're gonna have music, we're gonna have this. It's a risk. And then you go, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do 10$. Like, it was a big thing. Was like, people were like, trying to, like, really have. U.S. agents are like, you should charge more. You know, I was like, no, let's just try to do volume. Like, let's just try to do volume and see if we can do a lot of tickets but make it affordable. 10 bucks is like, pretty affordable ticket. And so I, I, I'm open to, like, trying things. And I go, if this doesn't, like, when I shot the pilot, I spent over a million dollars to shoot it. So you go like. And then people like, what if you lose money? I'm like, then it didn't work out. But, like, the upside is maybe it's exactly what I wanted to make. And even if I don't make money on it, I have this thing I wanted to make, and so I can't. You don't make. I don't make just decisions based on is this going to be financially beneficial? Obviously you want to make money, but, like, you have to do things that are, like, fulfilling creatively. And to me, there's like, something about, in this era that we're in right now, the. I like the adventure of trying something and seeing how it, like, how, where it ends up. Even if that's, like, trying it, like, we develop new podcasts, and I'm like, you don't know how these are gonna, like, podcasts. You know what I mean? You guys do it. It's like you go, let's get together, do this pot, do 500. My people. People might listen to it and it's considered a bomb. And there is no such thing as, like, if you do put the, like, there's been celebrities that have gotten together to do podcasts that fail, like, legit huge names. So I get excited about trying new things. It's just like when you get on stage, you try things. That's what feels good, to, like, try a joke and have the potential for it to bomb. Like, if there's no potential for it to bomb, it's not as, as rewarding internally as, you know, I mean, like a safe joke, right? Like, where you're like, let's get a laugh.

[Bert Kreischer]

A little softball pitch.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, those are like, it feels good. To get the laugh. But part of you goes, like, if you would have tried something else that was, like, riskier, that feels more fun. And I think that applies to, like, all the stuff you're saying. Like, all those things is like, you want to take a risk, you want it to be a calculated risk, but there's no. There's no thrill in just, like, playing everything safe. You know what I mean?

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Was there ever a fear when you're. When you had kids about taking more risk?

[Tom Segura]

There was a fear in not working enough, so.

[Bert Kreischer]

Which is a different thing than most people say, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

A lot of people are like, I. I gotta make sure I spend more time with my kids.

[Tom Segura]

When she was pregnant, and I was like, we're having a baby. I. I definitely hit a switch where I just went, like, into. I need to work a lot. And I went. I went hard.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

And it was out of the idea of, like, providing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Because I was like, I mean, up until that point, it was the two of us. Like, you realize that, like, if it's just the two of you, you can get by. We'll go to Trader Joe's and get some frozen burritos and like. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, you eat, you have dinner.

[Bert Kreischer]

You don't have dinner. It really doesn't matter.

[Tom Segura]

It's like, if I.

[Bert Kreischer]

If you.

[Tom Segura]

If you don't. If you're not making a lot, you're like, well, you know, hopefully I'll get another gig next week and I'll have enough for rent. Like. Like that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You're like. I mean, I always wanted to work, but, like, when. When a kid comes. Yeah. I was like, it wasn't even. I didn't have to, like, externally say it. It was like. It was so internal of, like. It's like you. It's like the modern version of, like, hunter gatherer mode where you're just like, I have to provide. So that. I mean, I went into, like, sixth gear with, like, working.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Seems like you have an incredible work ethic when you look at you and Bert.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Who would you say who has the better work ethic?

[Tom Segura]

Well, I mean, I'm doing a lot more actually right now. The festival is fucking crazy. No, I think we both, you know, I think we both have dad or I had a dad who, like, we were like, very traditional work, you know, get up at 5, 30, whatever, go to work. Like, they're just like old school Americana dads who, like, yeah, of course you work. Right. So then, like, when opportunities come, like, they have arrived for us. Now we're like. We have opportunities. Like, I mean, neither one of us is like, yeah, whatever.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, like, we're like, oh, yeah, you go to work.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So we both work a lot. I mean, I've, like, I did a tour that I think was insane when I look back on. Like, it was. It was too much meaning. Not like I couldn't handle it. It's just like, for, like, from having a family, it's just like, it's not conducive to do that many shows and tour that much. So I'm more conscious of it. And, like, I'm literally going to see my agent here to plan out the next. Like, you have. We have to have more weeks off, you know, but it's not because, like, I don't want to work. It's like, I. I have to be able to be home. Like, I have little kids, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So, I mean, Bert is going, in my opinion, too hard.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Like, he goes ins.

[Tom Segura]

He.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I feel like it's insane.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I think it's almost like avoiding life. Like, you know, I mean, like, I'm like, what are you doing? And then he. Because, like, Bert does this thing where he. He knows I'm. When I say this, that he'll be like, yeah, I just. I don't know. I just. I don't know. I just took it on. Took on too much. I'm like, yeah, but you're in control. Like, you can say it. He's like, I don't know. Like, I don't know.

[Bert Kreischer]

He has a hard time saying no, Definitely.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, definitely.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

He does give himself to a lot of different. To as much as he can. I mean, even coming to beer Olympics, when I hit him up next day and was like, hey, man, you know, I know you get pulled in a lot of different angles and you're just blowing up. He has been for a while now, and it's like, oh, appreciate you just, like, taking the time and. Because you could even see it at the beer Olympics. I don't know about you, but when he pulled up a little bit of a. You could just see, like, he was worn down a little bit. And then he expressed that when he sent the message back. He's like, hey, you know, I was running a little low, but very appreciative, you know, Bird, like, of course he's the best.

[Tom Segura]

No, he's the best.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

It does seem like he just goes.

[Tom Segura]

No, I want him to. I mean, if he. If he's trying. Look, if he wants to Hear this. Okay. You're working harder.

[Bert Kreischer]

He did ask me to ask that question.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

No, he. He. I mean, yeah, but I. You know, I. We did a zoom call for this thing the other day, and we get on. He's like. I'm like, are you all right? He's like, I'm dying. I was like, yeah, I don't want that to be real. Like, could you chill the fuck out for a second? But, yeah, he goes, you know, he'll do this. I think he's going to take some. A little bit of time, Then he's got his fully loaded cruise, then he goes back on tour, then into another production. Yeah, it's like. I don't know, man. I get it. Because you go, these are. These are incredible opportunities. You work your whole career for these opportunities, then you get them. But you still have to, like. I'm. Look, I'm saying it like, I'm telling him. I'm telling myself, too. You still have to, like, figure out how to manage it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because you. You don't. I guess you don't want to be like, no, thanks, right. To the thing that you're like, you always wanted to do, but you can't say yes to all of it. That's the. That's the part you have to figure. You can't say yes to all of it. Right. Message to wrap up kind of soon because he has to go do kfc.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, we're talking.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, them.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Give us. Give us three pet peeves of Bert Kreischer.

[Tom Segura]

Three of his pet peeves.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Three pet peeves you have with him.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that I have with him?

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

No, like, that. You see of him.

[Bert Kreischer]

Three pet peeves you have for Bert. Like, what bugs you about Bert? Three things.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, pretty easy. Number one, would be as busy as he is, just not responding to, like, I'm like, hey, man, we're good friends. We're literal business partners. And I've called you and texted you for four days. Oh, my bad. I'm like, yeah. No.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I've been around you when other people And I. I see how you. I'm like, don't. Yeah, answer me. My bad. So that would. That irritates the. Out of me. Yeah. I'm like, whatever, dude. I. I know what. I know how you do this. Like, pick up the phone, text me back that you can't talk.

[Bert Kreischer]

Simple enough.

[Tom Segura]

That's. So. That makes me crazy. What else makes me crazy about him? He. He will.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He just won't, like, consider anybody else's emotions in the room. So, like, he'll come in and I'll be like. And he's like, yelling at, you know, somebody on the staff, and I'm like, buddy, buddy. And he's like, what? I go, yeah, but he feels this way. But I'll give. I'll give him credit. When you point that stuff out to him, he'll be like, you're right. You're right. You're right, Nadol. I'm sorry. I didn't think about how you might have felt. It's literally like you're raising kids.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, I mean, like, your dad. And you're just like, yeah, but your brother feels this way.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then he's like, okay, good point. Point. Sometimes I get a little ahead. Yeah. I do give him credit. He gets very. He gets, like. He gets so, like, fired up in the moments of, like, fun. Cause he. His whole thing is like, how can I make something more? Like, he wants every moment to be like, if he came in here, he's like, let's make this the best podcast in the history of podcast. Like, yeah, right? Like, he wants to manufacture fun, even if it's like, you know, like, it can't. He doesn't want to have, like, an okay day. Every time you go, like, how was last night's thing? It was the best night of my life. And I go, I know it wasn't. And he's like, what? I go, well, if it was the best night, like, you've said, it's been the best night of your life 500 times. So which one is it? Like, most people have an epic experience. You. I go, you had dinner. You told me it was the best dinner you've ever had in your life. You had the best coffee you ever had in your life. This morning. The show was the best night. He goes, okay. Sometimes I embellish. I'm like, yeah, quite a bit.

[Bert Kreischer]

So, dude, your bird voice is so funny.

[Tom Segura]

It's like, he. But, you know, I mean, like, he really. And I. Actually, a lot of that is tied to the. To, like, booze. Like, he know. He's the party guy. Cuz, like, the party guy wants the party to go on. Right? Like, one time we hung out. I mean, I'm not a big drinker. And we had a couple drinks, and I was like, you know, it was. It was like midnight. We were at this hotel. I was like, all right, like, I'm gonna go to bed. He goes, what? I go, I want to go to bed. He goes, why? I go, because it's midnight, and I've had a few drinks, and I'm tired. He's like, don't you want this feeling to keep going?

[Bert Kreischer]

What?

[Tom Segura]

What feeling? He's like, just like that buzz. Like, don't you want it to just not stop? And I was like, no, I want to put my head on a fucking pillow and sleep. Like, are you crazy? And he's like, I just want this to never end. I was like, that's not a healthy thought. This shit will never end. But then he actually. He's not lying about that. Like, that is. You know, I mean, like, yeah. And so, like, it has two sides, because the upside is that he makes most things more fun. He just comes in, and you're like, oh, like, a party just came into the room. Like, he's a literal party now, by the way. He's in the last year since. He's, like, really? Like, I don't know, exploded in popularity or whatever. Every time I see him, there's, like, eight people with him. I'm like, who the are all these people? He's an entourage now. Like, he's like, this is my camera guy. This is my sound guy. I'm like, what? He never, like, just rolls in solo anymore.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's wild.

[Tom Segura]

It's a party. It's a party where he goes, yeah. And then they keep the party going.

[Bert Kreischer]

Seems exhausting. But also be on the receiving end of it. Every time Bert walks into a room, you're like, yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah. I'm so happy he's here because he's such a good time. And the thing about Bert is, when you see him and you talk to him a minute, two minutes, you literally walk away going, I feel like we're best friends. He may not feel like, man.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

I'm like, I think we passed Tom as best friend.

[Tom Segura]

No, he does. Well, he's very. Here's the thing. He's very sincere. He's very sincere, and he doesn't do, like. He doesn't do, like, yeah, like, good to see you. Like, he's. He's not like that. He's a. He's like a look into your eyes, and, like, this means so much to me. He likes community, you know, He's. He is a frat guy. Frat guy has, like, a negative connotation. The positive of it is, like, if you wanted to find the positive in that, is somebody who, like, wants, like, a friendship fraternity to exist. So, like, he goes, let's all. Why don't we all just be friends and, like, hang out. Like, let's make this fun. And I'm just like, what? I want to go be alone.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He's like, no, come on. Like, he's always like, come join us. And like, you know, like, that's.

[Bert Kreischer]

As an observer, it's a. You guys have a very interesting dynamic. You guys are both hilarious individuals in your own way. But it's interesting to see how. I mean, I'm assuming you guys are best friends. Would you call them your best friend?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we're, we're. Yes, we're best friends. And he's like, it, you know, it is a, it is a balance. Like, part of the reason I think that it works for us is that I thoroughly enjoy him. Like, like a lot of people are like, how do you put up with this lunatic? And I'm like, yeah, but I enjoy, like, he entertains the out of me. I find him very. One of the first times we ever took a road trip together. It was like years ago and we drove up to Sacramento and we're driving back down from la. I mean, it's like hours drive. I forget how many hours it is. And then on the way back from Sacramento, he goes, you know, you don't say much. And I was like, you haven't shut the up. You haven't stopped talking. And he goes, yeah, that checks out. But the thing is, I was like, yeah, but I'm. I go, I just literally I would ask him a question, he would talk for 30 minutes straight. And then I asked him one more question. An hour has gone by with him just. I mean, he's just talk, talk. But I enjoy him. Like, I enjoy his, his company. And then he thinks that I'm weird and I'm like, I. I don't think I'm weird. I think I'm pretty much like the voice of reason and you're crazy. Yeah, but I enjoy your craziness.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I know we got to let you go because people are, he's getting text, people are, open the door. All right, but Sledgehammer, Sledgehammer, of all the specials you've done, what makes you so proud of this special?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, look, I don't know if this is something that will always happen. Like for me, it's like so clearly for me, the, like my. What I'm most proud of I toured for. Usually I was on a two year turnaround, right? And I thought I was. Felt fine about that. Like, meaning like I would shoot a special, start working on something new two years ago by. And I'd shoot another One and put it out. And Pandemic contributed to this, but it was three years and I, I just felt like it got. It's so much better. It's so much tighter. I became a better performer. Like, I just, I like the special so much more and, you know, I just felt like it's a. More like you always want to get better instead, you know, so you just like, it feels like, like whatever, you know, evolved. Like I've evolved as a person, as a comic. It's like, it's more personal to me because, like, my dad died during it and we were very close and I talk about it, even though I make jokes about it, obviously. But so, like, it's stuff that is like, you know, it's more emotional for me as much as it's not like an emotional thing to watch. It's like all that to me was like. And it's a huge tour. Like, I. The culmination of a. Of a 21 month tour is this special. So to me, it's like, as you know, it was the most fun I've ever had shooting a special, like, by far. And I don't know, man, I'm just like, it's been out for a couple days. It's number one on Netflix. It's the number one.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah, it's got.

[Tom Segura]

That's pretty cool.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Gotta be a good feeling.

[Bert Kreischer]

We see your Instagram.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, but I mean, like, there's like an article today about like, how it dethroned that Henry Cavill show the Witch or whatever.

[Bert Kreischer]

So, you know, I did see that. You know where I saw that? On your Instagram?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, well, they said. And I mean, I was like, I was like, yeah, dude. They're like, you want to post this?

[Bert Kreischer]

I was like, yeah, yeah, 100%, of course.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Throw that shit up there multiple times.

[Tom Segura]

And the guy was so sassy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Posted twice in one day.

[Tom Segura]

The guy was so sassy who wrote it.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He was like, apparently this guy has five specials. Apparently. Like, it's not. You can just like, you can't find that. You're like, I don't even know how to verify this, but apparently this guy has five specials on Netflix. And apparently people are watching it and like, all right, man, that shit to me is fun, but it's. Honestly, it's not even about. It's not about that. It's about that. Like, I feel like when you do a special, it's like when you're, you're, You've been in a kitchen, you know, I mean, like, you've been making something and you go, something. Yeah. And you are. You are excited. I don't believe anybody that isn't excited for people to, like, try it. Right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And, yes, some people go, this tastes like shit, but a lot of people enjoy it. And then you go, well, that feels good.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Yeah, man. Thank you. This has been an honor, bro.

[Tom Segura]

No, I'm super. I'm sorry I couldn't make it to what would have been a horrific experience at the.

[Bert Kreischer]

You're coming. You're coming next year. You be a ref. You can be a ref next year.

[Tom Segura]

You don't know next year. I might be jacked. You guys up. Dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

Dude, we didn't get to talk about it, but you've. You look really good. You've lost a lot of weight. I know, I know.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

Hey, he's got the. What's it called? The shorthand. He's got a short head. Bicep.

[Bert Kreischer]

Short heads. Shortheads play if we play ball. Dude, you need the short heads. Long heads take longer to develop. They don't look as good.

[Tom Segura]

That's what I'm talking.

[JP (Podcast Co-host)]

You got a good pe.

[Bert Kreischer]

Got a good physique.

[Tom Segura]

You guys, come on.

[Bert Kreischer]

You feel up nicely since your basketball incident.

[Tom Segura]

Thanks, brother. Thanks. I'll see you in the pool next year.

[Bert Kreischer]

No question, you will be more injured. Hey, have a great day. Big hugs, tiny kisses.

[Tom Segura]

Thanks. Thanks so much, man. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.