Podcast Summary: But Why: A Podcast for Curious Kids
Episode Title: Why are brothers and sisters so annoying?
Date: February 6, 2026
Host: Jane Lindholm
Guest Expert: Susan Dominus, journalist and author of The Family Dynamic
Podcast Provider: Vermont Public
Episode Overview
This episode explores the ups and downs of sibling relationships. Kids from around the world ask why brothers and sisters sometimes look alike, help each other, compete, and most importantly—why they can be so annoying! Through fun stories, honest reflections, and expert insight from journalist and author Susan Dominus, the show examines the reasons siblings affect each other profoundly, and how even their toughest squabbles help shape who we become.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. What Are Siblings and How Do You Get Them?
- (01:47) Taylor, age 5, asks: “How do brothers and sisters turn into brothers and sisters?”
- Jane Lindholm explains the diverse ways children become siblings: sharing the same biological or adoptive parents, as half-siblings, step-siblings, or through foster care. Regardless of the biological or legal definitions, all these relationships can have a deep impact on children’s development.
- Quote: “Whether your sibling is your step, half, or full sibling, they can still have an impact on your development.” (Jane Lindholm, 02:47)
2. Why Do Siblings Look (or Not Look) Alike?
- (02:59) Charlotte, age 5, asks: “Why do brothers and sisters look a lot alike?”
- Jane Lindholm explains the role of genetics (the random mix from biological parents) and environmental factors (how siblings may imitate each other’s behavior or appearance). It’s not only DNA—time spent together can make even non-biological siblings resemble each other in unexpected ways.
- Memorable Moment: Jane tells a story about being repeatedly told she looked like her stepfather, even without any blood relation.
3. Siblings' Impact on Who We Become
- Jane introduces Susan Dominus, author of The Family Dynamic, who researched families with high-achieving siblings.
- (04:55) Susan realized during her work that siblings often have a bigger day-to-day influence than parents, offering practical advice and guidance.
- Quote: “Often... older siblings can really guide the way for younger siblings... Sometimes kids, especially teenagers, would much rather have advice from a sibling... than a parent.” (Susan Dominus, 05:37)
4. Why Do We Fight with People We Love?
- (07:07) Julia, age 9, asks: “Why do I fight with my sister if I love her?”
- Susan Dominus explains that sibling tensions are natural, in part due to the feeling that love and attention are finite resources. She references the short story “Love Is Not a Pie” to illustrate how love isn’t actually limited and can be shared.
- There’s also a drive for siblings to differentiate themselves—combined with comparisons from others, this can create friction.
- Quote: “It’s hard to avoid the feeling that, you know, love is a pie and that the bigger your sister's slice is, that means the smaller yours is. But... there’s enough to go around.” (Susan Dominus, 07:16)
5. Why Are Siblings Annoying and Why Do We Fight?
- (09:27) Multiple kids ask: “Why don’t siblings get along perfectly?” “Why do siblings fight a lot?” “Why are little brothers and sisters so annoying?”
- Susan Dominus likens siblings to roommates: constant proximity leads to irritation. Siblings are just similar enough that you think you should agree, but also different enough to have clashes.
- Jane adds that siblings might do annoying things just to test reactions or learn social strategies, occasionally just to get a reaction.
- Quote: “Even roommates who live together often... get on each other’s nerves. With siblings, it’s even more complicated because your sibling is just enough like you... but also just different enough.” (Susan Dominus, 10:21)
6. Do Older Siblings Have More Influence?
- (12:02) Jane asks about the direction of sibling influence.
- Susan Dominus introduces the “sibling spillover effect”—when one sibling improves (for example, in schoolwork), others tend to improve too, and this influence can go both ways, regardless of birth order.
- Quote: “Those effects can actually work in both directions. It can go older to younger, but also younger to older.” (Susan Dominus, 12:02)
7. Siblings and Interests: Why Do Younger Siblings Excel in Sports?
- (13:16) Susan shares research that younger siblings are overrepresented in sports, likely due to the desire to differentiate from academically strong older siblings. It’s not about genetics, but about where siblings focus their energies based on family dynamics.
8. Can Siblings Be Best Friends?
- (14:33) Akira, age 6, asks: “Can my sister be my best friend?”
- Susan Dominus answers warmly—her sister is her best friend despite differences and childhood fights. Their bond endures and grows with time.
- Quote: “My sister is probably my best friend... We have fought plenty over the years. And I’ll tell you a secret—we still fight sometimes. But she’s also my best friend.” (Susan Dominus, 14:45)
9. Siblings as Inspiration and Motivation
- (15:51) Susan shares a powerful story about the Holifield family—siblings who inspired and supported each other to achieve great things, including civil rights activism and opening doors for others.
- Quote: “Her older brother Bishop said he looked at her and thought, wow, she's really set the bar high. Now I want to honor that and live up to it.” (Susan Dominus, 16:32)
10. What If You Don’t Have Siblings?
- (17:08) Jane asks about being an only child.
- Susan Dominus reflects that only children often form close friendships that feel like sibling bonds—and being an only child has unique benefits, too, such as more parental attention, lack of comparison, and fewer daily irritations.
- Quote: “There are really special things about having a sibling, but there are also really special things about being an only child... You’re really completely liberated [from certain tensions].” (Susan Dominus, 17:11)
11. Final Thoughts
- Jane Lindholm reaffirms that whether you have siblings or not, your family relationships shape you, and there’s no single “right” way to be a family.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
“It’s hard to avoid the feeling that... love is a pie and that the bigger your sister’s slice is, that means the smaller yours is. But... there’s enough to go around.”
— Susan Dominus (07:16) -
“Even roommates who live together often... get on each other’s nerves. With siblings, it’s even more complicated because your sibling is just enough like you... but also just different enough.”
— Susan Dominus (10:21) -
“My sister is probably my best friend... We have fought plenty over the years... But she’s also my best friend, and I feel so lucky every day that she was the person plunked into my family along with me.”
— Susan Dominus (14:45) -
“There are really special things about having a sibling, but there are also really special things about being an only child... You’re really completely liberated [from certain tensions].”
— Susan Dominus (17:11)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 01:47: What makes siblings? (Types of siblings, family structure)
- 03:11: Why do some siblings look alike? (Genetics and environment)
- 04:55: Susan Dominus on sibling influence
- 07:07: Fighting with people you love
- 09:27: Sibling conflicts and “why are they so annoying?”
- 12:02: Sibling spillover effect – do older kids set the tone?
- 13:16: Siblings and specialized interests (sports vs. academics)
- 14:45: Can siblings be best friends?
- 15:51: Story of the Holifield siblings inspiring each other
- 17:08: The upsides of being an only child
Tone & Language
The episode remains friendly, honest, and kid-focused—balancing scientific explanation, personal stories, and warmth. Both Jane and Susan are empathetic, validating kids’ feelings and curiosity while providing age-appropriate insights.
Perfect for kids (and grownups!) wondering why family can be both wonderful and challenging, this episode offers reassurance, humor, and helpful knowledge about the complex bonds of brothers and sisters.