← Call Her Creator with Katelyn Rhoades
Call Her Creator with Katelyn Rhoades
178. Your Past Life Needs a Funeral: You Can't Become Her Until You Bury Her
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This episode is sponsored by Shopify, Storyblocks, Whatnot, Quints, Brevo and Shipstation. If you've ever dreamed of turning your ideas into a business, Shopify gives you everything you need to start selling online. Storyblocks is my go to stock media library with human made footage, music, sound effects and templates that save me hours creating content. Whatnot is the largest live shopping marketplace in the country where you can discover incredible deals across fashion, beauty, collectibles, home goods and more. Quints creates beautiful, high quality essentials from premium denim to organic cotton and Magnolian cashmere. Price 15 doll to 80% less than similar luxury brands. Brevo is your all in one marketing and CRM platform with email marketing automation and CRM tools to help turn attention into revenue. Shipstation is an all in one intelligent shipping platform that uses AI trained on decades of shipping data to help e commerce businesses save time, money and ship smarter. Ready to check them out? Start your business with Shopify by signing up for your $1 per month trial@shopify.com CHC head to storyblocks.com CHC for 15% off any annual plan. Download the Whatnot app today. Just search wh a t n o t whatnot in the App Store. Download the Quints app for app exclusive offers or visit quints.com CHC for free shipping and 365 day returns. Get started with Bravo at bravo.com creator and get 60 days free at shipstation.com with code CHC are you ready to take your business's marketing to the next level? Meet Breville, the All in one Marketing and CRM platform built to help you connect with customers, boost engagement and grow your business smarter. With Bravo, you can manage all your customer interactions in one place, nurture leads with their built in CRM, reach your audience through email and SMS and keep them coming back with powerful automations. But here's where it gets really exciting. Meet Aura, Brevo's AI Assistant. Aura helps you craft smarter campaigns by suggesting personalized content, optimizing send times and even analyzing performance data to help you improve your strategy in real time. It's like having a marketing expert on your team 24, 7. And of course Brevo offers advanced analytics, seamless integrations and AI driven personalization. Everything you need to create multi channel campaigns that hit the mark every time. Get started for free today or use code CREATOR50 to save 50% off on starter and standard plans for the first three months of an annual subscription. Just head to www.brevo.com creator and take your marketing further. With brevo and aura, you already know who you want to become. The problem is you keep protecting the version of yourself that's preventing it. You keep saying you want to be more confident, more visible, more disciplined, more successful. But the second that becoming her asks you to disappoint someone or risk looking stupid or stop overthinking or do something before you feel ready, what do you do? You run straight back to the version of yourself that feels safe. The people pleaser, the perfectionist, the woman who needs permission, the one who promises she'll start tomorrow. And then you wonder why you keep setting new goals but creating the same life for yourself. It's not because you don't want it badly enough. Because I know you want it. It's because you're trying to build a new future without letting your old identity die. Welcome to Call Her Creator, the podcast that teaches you how to get seen, build an unforgettable brand that creates opportunities and use social media to open doors you never thought possible. I'm your host, Kaitlyn Rhodes, a Forbes featured entrepreneur, founder of Influence marketing Studio, and the creator of a seven figure personal brand. Everything I've built started with one to stop hiding and let myself be seen. Every week, I'll share actionable social media strategies, personal branding insights, and the honest conversations that push you to think bigger, show up bolder, and take action before you feel ready. Visibility changes everything. Your next opportunity starts with being seen. Now let's get to work. And that is why your past life needs a funeral. Okay, stay with me on this. I know you're probably either rolling your eyes or thinking, what is she on today? But not on anything. I am sober as a cucumber. We're gonna talk about an identity funeral. And before we get into it, if you are not inside of the baddie challenge, I want you to pause this episode right now, go to the show notes, and sign up. Okay? Because we are having a live identity Funeral on Thursday, August 6th. So if you're listening to this episode after the live funeral, don't worry, because I'm about to walk you through what to do so that you can do it at your own time. But you still have another 30 days to get inside of the challenge because we're doing it all month long, baby. So go to the show notes, click on the baddie challenge, and get your booty inside. Gonna be so good. All right. What the heck is an identity funeral? An identity funeral is a deliberate goodbye to the version of you that got you here. But you cannot take that version of you to where you're going. And it's not about hating who you used to be. It's not about pretending that your past didn't happen because we know it happened. It's just about recognizing that some of the identities you built were created for survival and not for expansion. The people pleaser may have helped you feel safe. The perfectionist may have protected you from criticism. You overthinking that may have convinced you that if you planned long enough, you could avoid failure. Those versions of you, they're not weak, but they're protective. And at some point, protection becomes a prison. And if you keep introducing yourself as the woman who is scared or inconsistent or awkward or shy or she's bad with money or she's not ready or she's just not that kind of person, guess what's going to happen? You're going to keep creating a life that matches her. The sad girl, the broke girl, the stinky girl. Not stinky. So that is why we hold this funeral. That past girl, she's not a bad girl. But her job is done. It's time for her to move on. She needs to pack those bags, she needs to get the F out. Because this new version of you that's coming through. Oof. Girl, she is shining. Okay? She is shining like a diamond. Shine bright like a diamond. That's what you're gonna be. So, yes, I want this identity funeral to be frickin dramatic. Okay? I want you to wear black. I want you to light a candle. I want you to put on the saddest of saddest musics. We can go back to the emo days. And then I want you to write a note to yourself, to the version of yourself that you are officially leaving behind. It's going to start with something like, today I am saying goodbye to the woman who. And then I want you to write it all down. The woman who over explained every decision she made. The woman who abandoned herself to keep people from feeling uncomfortable. The woman who said she wanted more, but she kept choosing what was familiar. The woman who hid because being seen felt too risky. Write down the beliefs that that woman carried. Write down the habits that kept her alive. Write down the excuses she had. So I want you to literally, like we have a notebook. So the first word, belief, she carried, underline. What are the beliefs she carried? Habits. Write down those habits. Excuses. Underline. Write on those excuses. And then at the end of that we're going to say, what did she cost you? What did she cost you? Your dream life opportunities being seen. And then we're going to thank her because she did what she had to do with what she had. We're going to thank her for protecting you. We're going to thank her for helping you survive the seasons, that you did not yet have the tools to navigate differently because you didn't have me in your life. Thank her for getting you this far. And then tell her that she is no longer in charge. She ain't it. She ain't captain anymore. Okay? You are in control now. This new version of you, she is the main character. Now once you're done writing all of that out, I want you to take that piece of paper and I want you to crumble it up. Like, crumble, like, grit your teeth mad, angry. Crumble it up. I want you to set it down. You might want to go outside for this part. Light a match or, or, or get a lighter and light that baby on fire. Burn it. Make it a physical thing that you see die. Because sometimes our minds need this moment so that our body can remember it. I've talked to you guys about how our bodies hold things. Moments, traumatic situations, happy situations. Our body holds all of that. So that's why I want this to be a very physical thing that you do to get rid of the past version of yourself. Because she has to be put to her death. Now, once you've done that, I know this sounds really, like, dark and scary, but it's not. It's actually very rewarding and like, it's a little woo woo. I get it, but it, it works. It really works. After you've said goodbye to that girl, now you're going to write a second letter, okay? This one can be on prettier paper if you have it. This one begins with the woman who leaves this funeral is. Then you are going to describe your dream self. Okay? How does she think? How does she speak? What does she no longer tolerate? So write that down. What do I no longer tolerate? Underline. What does she feel when she gets afraid? What does she do? She's not like the old version who like, clams up and just doesn't say anything. No. Like, if she feels afraid or mad, she speaks her voice. She keeps promises to herself. If she gets rejected, what happens? Oh, she keeps going, oh, well, I know something better is coming along. How does she show up when nobody's clapping yet? What is she wearing? What kind of perfume does she spray? Do not just describe what she has, but we want to describe who she is, because this is not about Manifesting a new handbag or income goal. It's about choosing a new identity for yourself that you are super proud of. And from this point forward, every time the old version of you tries to come back, because she will try to come back, you get to remind yourself that we already buried her. She gone. So if we're going to have this identity funeral, I don't want this to be just some, like, emotional exercise that makes you cry for 20 minutes and then you're super sorrowful. Sorrowful. The last end of the day. Like, that's not what I'm. That's not what we're trying to do. Okay. Because then when you do that, you're just gonna wake up and be the same person the next day. I really want this to change the way you make decisions and the way you move, moving on. So I'm gonna coach you through what I like to call the funeral framework. Yes. I just came up with this today. Okay. But I figured if we're going to do an identity funeral, I need to have a framework for these women to understand and go through. So I've got four parts for us. Okay. We're going to go through those. So step one is we thank her. Before you can let go of the old version of you, you have to stop making her the enemy. We're not again. We're not going to scrutinize her, be mean to her. We're just letting her, like, know, like, you've done what you had to do. Now it's time to leave. Because that version of you, she did not set out to ruin your life. She was just trying to protect you. The people pleaser. She was just trying to keep the peace. The perfectionist. She was just trying to help you avoid criticism. The girl that overthought everything. She just didn't want you to fail. The woman who stayed invisible all the time. She was just protecting you from rejection. She did exactly what she thought she needed to do to keep you safe. So before you bury her, you have to thank her because she did a lot for you. She got you through really hard seasons where you didn't know any better. Thank her for helping you survive. But I also want you to recognize that once protected you is now preventing the big you, the shiny you. Her job is done because this new and improved version of you is coming out. So that is step one, thanking her. Step two is that we get to bury her. And this is where I want you to get as dramatic as possible. I want you dressing in black. I want you lighting candles. I want you playing that sad music. I want you standing up like you're in front of a big crowd, like you're about to give a eulogy. And you're saying, today I'm saying goodbye to this woman who and let it all out. Let it all out. And when you're done, we burn the paper. If you've ever sold a product online or you're dreaming about launching one, you already know shipping can become a full time job. That's why I love what Shipstation is doing. Shipstation is an end to end order fulfillment platform powered by AI that's been trained on decades of shipping data from billions of shipments worldwide. Instead of guessing, it actually helps you make smarter decisions. It can alert you when inventory is running low, recommend the best carrier options and rates, and automate repetitive tasks so you're not spending hours managing orders behind the scenes. Plus a branded returns portal and integrations with your accounting and CRM software. If I were running an E commerce business, this is exactly how I'd manage my shipping. It saves time, keeps everything organized, and lets you focus on growing your business instead of getting buried in logistics. The sooner you switch, the sooner you start saving time and money. Get started with Shipstation today and get 60 days free@shipstation.com with code CHC. That's shibstation.com using code CHC shibstation.com code CHC taxes and fees apply. If you've been sitting on a business idea, let me tell you something. You do not need everything figured out before you start. I know so many people have an idea for a course, a digital product, a physical product, or a service they're passionate about. But they keep waiting because they think they need the perfect website or all the systems in place first. That's exactly why I love Shopify. Everything you need to start selling is included and ready from day one so you can stop overthinking and actually launch. And when your first customer is ready to buy, Shopify checkout helps more of them complete their purchase. Even better, when they come back, their information is already saved. So checking out is fast and easy. Because Shopify takes care of the setup and the checkout experience, you have more time to focus on what actually grows your business, creating content, serving your customers, and getting your brand in front of more people. Plus, you're building on the same platform trusted by millions of businesses worldwide, from brands like Mattel and Gymshark to entrepreneurs who are making their very first sale with Shopify, nothing stands between your idea and a real business so go make it one. Start your free trial@shopify.com CHC that's shopify.com CHC one more time. Shopify.com CHC step three. We're going to meet the new you. We're going to meet her. Now that you've said goodbye to who you were, it's time to meet the woman that you're becoming. Now, this woman that you're becoming, she doesn't necessarily have the dream life already, but she is equipped to create it, right? So how does this new woman make decisions? How does she walk? What does she own? Write about her. Because your identity creates your actions and your actions create your life. And then step four is I want you to choose her over and over and over and over and over again. Because this is the part that nobody talks about. The funeral isn't the transformation. Your daily decisions are. Okay, so tomorrow morning, the old version of you is going to knock on the door. She is there and she is waiting to do the thing for the days. But you're not going to answer the door. And she's going to start banging on that door. Skip the workout. Do not post that. You're gonna look so stupid. Wait, you're not confident enough. You. You are not equipped to do that. Don't do it. She's screaming at you. She's banging on the door. I want you to pop in your ipods and I want you to walk away and I want you to look out a window and sip on your coffee. Take a deep breath. Now let's pull those AirPods out of her ears. Actually, I don't even wear AirPods anymore. I use the beats, Love the beats. So I'm taking those beats off. I'm. My eyes are closed right now while we're. While we're doing this. So I'm taking my beats down. The banging has stopped. That girl banging on the door, she's gonna sound so familiar because she's been running your life for years. But now you have a choice. Every time you're faced with a decision, you get to ask yourself, which version of me is going to make this decision? Is it the woman I buried or is it the woman that I'm becoming? Becoming her isn't one big life changing moment. Again, I'm going to drill this into your head. You have to choose her over and over and over and over and over again every day. Until one day, she isn't the version you're trying to become anymore. She is simply who you are. And if this doesn't have you thinking like, oh, my God, then I'm not your people. Because right now I'm just like, holy crap. Oh, my God. Now, if you're listening to this and you're probably like, okay, Caitlin, this sounds super beautiful, but what does this actually look like? Let me give you an example, because I've had a lot of identity funerals than I can count. One of the biggest was the funeral of the people pleaser. Does that sound familiar? There was a version of me that genuinely believed my job was to make everyone else happy. My happiness came second. If someone didn't like me, I wanted to fix it. If someone misunderstood me, I wanted to explain myself until they understood that. That. That their version of me was wrong. If someone left a mean comment online, it would consume my entire day, probably my entire week. I thought being a good person meant being liked by everyone. But what I realized is the woman I wanted to become, the woman who spoke on stages, shared bold opinions, built a personal brand, hosted a top podcast, led a business, she was never going to be liked by everyone. That version of me required disappointing people. It required people misunderstanding me. It required people projecting their own stories onto me. So eventually, I had to bury the version of me that believed everyone needed to approve of my life. Another funeral I had was the woman who thought she needed to feel ready before she acted. And because of that, she missed out on a ton of opportunities because she didn't think she was equipped enough. I used to think that I had to feel that confidence first before I could say yes to things. That one day I would magically wake up and feel very qualified enough to post the video or pitch the podcast or raise my prices or introduce myself to the person in the room. Kept waiting for this mythical feeling called ready? Spoiler alert. She never showed up. What did show up, though, was evidence. Evidence that every scary thing that I've done made the next scary thing a little less scary. Confidence was never found. It was something that I had to practice and build like a muscle. And that's when I realized something that completely changed the way I looked at growth. You don't become confident and then take action. You take the action first, and then the confidence catches up. The woman you're becoming isn't built by one big decision. She is built by a thousand tiny ones. Every time you speak up instead of saying quiet, every time you post, instead of overthinking, every time you ask, instead of assuming the answer is no, you are casting a vote for your future identity. You're proving to yourself this is who I am now. And that's why I love this funeral analogy so much. Because funerals aren't really about death. They're about acceptance. The moment you stop trying to bring someone back who isn't meant to come with you. So maybe the reason you felt stuck isn't because you need another strategy or plan of action. Maybe it's because every time life asks you to become someone new, you keep inviting your old identity to come to the conversation. You keep asking the overthinker what to do. You keep asking the people pleaser for permission. You keep asking the perfectionist whether it's good or not. And then you're surprised when you get the same answer you've always gotten. Can I lovingly challenge you for a second? Stop asking the old version of you for advice about a future she's never been to. How about that? She has no business making decisions about a life she has never designed to live. The next version of you is not going to wait for another Monday. She's not waiting for another book. She isn't waiting for another motivational quote. She isn't waiting for you to stop consulting a woman whose season is over. This week, I want you to catch yourself every time you're making a decision and ask one simple question to yourself. Which version of me is making this decision? Is this the woman I buried or the woman I'm becoming? Because becoming her is not going to be one giant leap. I'm telling you. It's going to be a thousand tiny decisions, uncomfortable action, one courageous choice at a time. Are you willing to do that for your future self? That's the question that we have to ask ourselves. What is this new life going to cost you? And I'll tell you something. The new life will cost you things. It will cost you relationships with people who are more comfortable with the smaller version of you. And that will probably be one of the toughest parts of all of this. I think that's the toughest thing that I've had to deal with, is setting boundaries for myself and making decisions for myself. And not abandoning myself meant that I was gonna piss off a lot of people who were used to the old me that made them feel comfortable all the time, like, basically based all of their life decisions on that person's feelings versus my own. So when I decided to do things that were better for me, better for my family, better for my future, I lost people. And I'll tell you, it took a long time to feel okay about that. I've realized with myself, it takes me About a year to get over things. That's 365 days of an uncomfortable feeling. I'm asking you to have 30 days of feeling uncomfortable. I go, 365 days of feeling uncomfortable. And then one day I wake up and I'm like, what? This. This doesn't bother me anymore. And it's because those 365 days, I was taking 365 little actions to get me over the thing. And I can tell you that I have never been more proud of a person than who I am today. And I hope that you can say the same thing about yourself when you decide to take this messy action and do this for you. Can I lovingly call you out for a second? I think that you've been blaming your circumstances, when the real thing keeping you stuck is your loyalty to an identity you've already outgrown. Because I hear you make these excuses like, I'm just a shy person. I'm just an anxious person. I'm just an overthinker. I'm not good on camera. I'm really bad at sales. But what if those aren't facts? What if they're just introductions? Because every time you say those words, you're introducing yourself as someone you claim you're trying to leave behind. You're signing a new contract with an identity you've already decided you don't want anymore. And maybe that's why nothing changes in your life. Maybe that's why you're stuck in the same spot. And you wake up every day pissed off at yourself because you're not making any changes. And it's not because you haven't found the perfect planner, the perfect podcast episode. It's because every single day, your actions are voting for the woman you say you're trying to bury. You don't become someone new because you decided to. Your decisions have to start matching your vision instead of your history. Because every single day, life asks you one simple question. Which version of you is making this decision? Is it the woman who needs everyone to approve of her? Or is it the woman who trusts herself? Is it the woman who's waiting until she's ready? Or the woman who's willing to feel uncomfortable because she knows confidence comes after courage. The beautiful thing is you're not gonna have to become her overnight. So don't have that pressure on yourself. It will take a little bit. As long as you can choose her over and over again. One scary conversation, one piece of content, one boundary, one application, one opportunity. One uncomfortable decision at a time. Because that's how identities are built. Not one giant life moment. Thousands of tiny moments where you choose your future over your familiar. Does anyone else feel like August is the Sunday of summer? You're trying to get your life together before everything gets busy again? For me, that reset always starts with my closet. I want clothes that fit well, look expensive, and that I reach for over and over again. That's exactly why I love Quints. Their premium stretch denim starts at just $50 and honestly, the fit is so good. I also wear their organic cotton basics because they're so soft. The everything is priced 50 to 80% less than similar luxury brands because Quints works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middleman. They also have beautiful bedding, bath, kitchen essentials and even furniture. If you're in your home refresh era, upgrade your everyday download the Quint's app for app exclusive offers or go to quints.com CHC get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q-U-I-N c-e.com CHC one thing I love talking about on this podcast I love multiple income streams. I've actually spent time on Whatnot as a buyer and it's so fun compared to traditional online shopping because you're interacting with real people. I found some incredible deals and I've got to chat with sellers live. It really feels like you're buying from a person instead of a website, and that's why I think it's such a cool opportunity if you've ever wanted to sell something yourself. Whatnot is the largest dedicated live shopping platform and whether you sell beauty, fashion, handmade products, whatever it might be, anyone can get started. In fact, sellers on whatnot sell 10 times more than on other major marketplaces because they're building real relationships with customers instead of posting a product and hoping someone buys it. If you've been looking for a way to finally start a business, I think it's worth checking out. I've watched sellers move through inventory in a single live show fast, faster than some businesses do in weeks. Plus, buyers spend over an hour a day on the app because they're there to discover great products without paying full price. Search whatnot W h a t n o t in the App Store Download and you can start selling right away. As someone who is constantly creating content, podcast clips, social media videos, presentations, you can imagine how much time goes into editing. That's why I love Storyblocks and they've become an essential Part of my workflow. It's a 100% human made stock media library. So every piece of footage, music, sound effect, image and template is created by a real filmmaker or artist, not AI. Everything is professionally curated, pre licensed and ready to use. Which means I can spend less time searching for assets and more time creating. Honestly, it saved me hours every week. Head to storyblocks.com CHC to access the human made stock media library that's essential to my workflow. For a limited time, they're offering 15% off any annual plan. And that discount is only available through my link. Again, that's storyblocks.com CHC for 15% off annual plans. And something I want you to remember after this episode is stop asking yourself, how do I become her? Because that's not the right question. We want to instead ask ourselves what? Part of me refuses to let her exist? Because I have a feeling the woman you've been dreaming about isn't waiting on another Monday. She isn't waiting on another course. She isn't waiting until you lose the weight, make more money, get more followers, or finally feel confident. She is waiting for you to stop protecting the version of yourself whose job has already been completed. So you gotta thank her. You gotta honor her. You gotta hold the funeral. You gotta write the letters, you gotta burn the paper, you gotta cry if you need to. And then you leave the Mother Truckin cemetery, okay? Because your future doesn't need another version of who's always been. It needs the woman who's brave enough to become someone new. And tomorrow morning, when life gives you another opportunity to choose, I don't want you asking the old version of yourself what she thinks because she does not live with you anymore. Now, before you go, I have some homework for you. And no, this is not optional. If you actually want to change your life, I want you to schedule your identity funeral this week. And if you've signed up for the Baddie Challenge, that day will be this Thursday. Sent the info and email when you sign up. We're going to schedule your identity funeral this week. Put it on your calendar like you would any other appointment. Because becoming her deserves more than just squeezing it in if you have time. And I want you to wear black, and I want you to bring a candle if you can. And I want you to put your phone away, make it feel super sacred. Because this is not about pretending. It's about giving yourself permission to close a chapter that you've been trying to drag into your future. And that's when we're going to write the two letters today. I'm saying goodbye to the woman who write about what she believed, what she was afraid of, what she tolerated, how she protected you, what she cost you. And then we're gonna burn it, and then we're gonna write another letter. From this day forward, I am the woman who. What does she believe? How does she act? What does she no longer apologize for? And then I want you to take one action within 24 hours of this funeral that your old identity would have talked you out of. Not five or ten, just one. Maybe that's sending the email or applying for the job or raising your prices or wearing that outfit or just saying no to somebody or saying yes to somebody. Whatever your old identity would have talked you out of. That is your assignment for this week. Here's what I know, guys. You can burn the letter, you can cry, you can have the funeral, but your new identity isn't born in the ceremony. She is born in the decision you make the next morning. All right, I will see you guys inside of the baddie challenge again. If you have not signed up, it is in the show notes. And if you are signed up, I will see you at the funeral. Until next time, I'm out. Hey, if this episode helped you become even 1% bolder today, would you do me a favor? Please leave a review so more women can find. Call her creator podcast. Then send this episode to one woman who's ready for her next chapter. Because the world doesn't need women playing smaller. It needs more women willing to be seen. All right, I'll see you guys in the next episode.