179. How to Stop Abandoning Yourself and Start Living for YOU with Midlife Makeover Expert, Wendy Valentine

Summary

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Episode Summary:

Call Her Creator with Katelyn Rhoades – Episode 179
How to Stop Abandoning Yourself and Start Living for YOU with Midlife Makeover Expert, Wendy Valentine
Guest: Wendy Valentine
Release Date: August 6, 2026

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Overview

This episode of Call Her Creator delivers an inspiring and deeply honest conversation between host Katelyn Rhoades and guest Wendy Valentine, known for her expertise in midlife reinvention. The central theme explores what it truly means to stop abandoning yourself and start living authentically for you—no matter your age or what setbacks you’ve faced. Wendy shares her transformative journey, from hitting rock bottom at 46 to embracing her dreams, setting boundaries, and modeling the process of becoming the “woman in the driver’s seat.”

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reinvention Has No Expiration Date (05:20–09:00)

• Wendy started her dream career at 49, challenging the “too late” myth. She faced massive obstacles: divorce, debt, unemployment, menopause, compounded by health issues and deep grief.
• Wendy describes her lowest moment: lying on a bathroom floor, feeling powerless and having a vision of herself in an RV, symbolizing freedom and self-direction.
• Quote:

  “It wasn’t so much the RV that I was excited about. It was the woman in the driver’s seat… that finally, finally followed her dream of becoming an author and an inspirational speaker. And I wanted to become that bold, brave—can I cuss on here?—badass woman.” (Wendy, 09:08–09:37)

2. The Power of Choosing Yourself (10:00–13:30)

• Wendy confronts the “bully” in her head, questioning if she is worthy or capable of change.
• She realized both roads—staying stuck or starting over—are hard, so it’s better to invest effort into building the life you want.
• Journaling exercise: Wendy began writing in detail about her future self, adopting “her” mindset and letting this future version guide her actions.
• Quote:

  “If I’m going to be exhausted, then I might as well be exhausted going after the life that I want to create.” (Wendy, 12:45)

3. The Cue for Change: Alignment and Loss (19:17–21:00)

• Katelyn and Wendy discuss how aligning with your true path often requires loss or letting go—possessions, relationships, comfort zones.
• Wendy involved her grown children in her decision; they encouraged her to pursue her dream, having been raised to value boldness.

4. Leaning Into Discomfort and Fear (21:30–25:15)

• Wendy experienced panic and second thoughts before making big moves—leaving her job, moving into an RV, starting over as a writer and podcaster.
• A pivotal quote from Marianne Williamson guided her:

  “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.” (Wendy, quoting Marianne Williamson, 23:07)

• Insight: Growth often requires taking uncomfortable steps and facing the discomfort of our own potential.

5. Practical Steps to “Becoming Her” (28:53–31:34)

• Change begins with your thoughts and beliefs. Wendy emphasizes noticing your self-talk and rewriting your internal narrative.
• Journaling prompt: Picture the “woman you wish to become” and describe in detail how she lives, makes decisions, treats herself, sets boundaries.
• Behavior must match belief: Step into her shoes daily; act as she would until you embody her fully.
• Quote:

  “You don’t wait until you become a powerful woman. You act like a powerful woman, and then you become her.” (Wendy, 31:52)

6. Strengthening Boundaries (31:59–33:53)

• For Wendy, boundaries came naturally as she stepped into her empowered self, but starting with them can feel awkward.
• She encourages listeners to name their new self (hers: Wonder Wendy) and check in with that persona when making choices.

7. Overcoming People-Pleasing & Self-Abandonment (33:53–37:56)

• Wendy shares a pivotal realization at the Malibu RV park: Her lifelong fear of abandonment was rooted in her own self-abandonment.
• Key lesson: Consistently pleasing others or saying “yes” when you mean “no” is a form of abandoning yourself.
• Brings in research (Bronnie Ware’s Top Five Regrets of the Dying): Biggest regret is living life for everyone else.

8. Tactics for Reclaiming Your Life (38:07–40:01)

• Process emotions intentionally; ask “what’s underneath this fear?”
• Work through old stories and triggers, but don’t over-identify with the losses—find the wisdom in them.
• It’s a work in progress: Some days will be easier than others, and consistency matters more than perfection.

9. Building Confidence and Courage (45:11–46:26)

• Courage doesn’t come naturally; it accumulates through consistent, scary action—each bold step fills up your “jar of courage.”
• Quote:

  “The only way to fill up a jar of courage is by actually taking action… That’s what builds your courage. It’s about doing all the things you’re like, ‘I don’t know if I could do that,’ and you do it anyway.” (Wendy, 45:12–45:45)

10. The Lotus Metaphor—Turning “Mud” Into Growth (47:21–49:42)

• Wendy likens personal transformation to the lotus flower, which blooms “thanks to the mud that feeds it.”
• Quote:

  “You can still bloom every single day… For the lotus, the mud actually feeds it. That’s how the lotus gets its nutrients. So the same for your losses and your mud in life…you choose to bloom every freaking day.” (Wendy, 48:30–49:42)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On hitting rock bottom:

  “I had become an expert at one thing, and that was making sure everybody in my life was happy. Everybody but me.” (Wendy, 08:35)

• On discomfort:

  “A comfort zone is a very beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.” (Wendy, 22:26)

• On boundaries:

  “You can’t be a bold, brave, badass woman if you’re going to be a wussy. She just had these really cool boundaries.” (Wendy, 32:32)

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Timestamped Highlights

• Wendy’s backstory & turning point – 05:20–14:00
• The bathroom floor vision; self-abandonment – 07:49–09:37
• From breakdown to breakthrough: journaling and imagination – 12:45–13:30
• Proactive vs. reactive change – 14:43–15:48
• How Wendy rebuilt financially and professionally – 15:48–19:06
• Facing naysayers & seeking children’s input – 19:17–20:46
• Letting go: purging possessions & stepping into discomfort – 21:24–23:37
• Marianne Williamson quote and stepping into “light” – 23:07–24:42
• How to ‘become her’—tactical wisdom – 28:53–31:52
• Naming your future self & setting boundaries – 32:17–33:53
• Self-abandonment realization & Malibu moment – 33:53–35:20
• Managing grief, setbacks & ongoing self-coaching – 40:07–42:38
• Courage as a skill built by action – 45:11–46:10
• The lotus flower metaphor – 47:21–49:42

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Resources & How to Connect

• Wendy's Book: Women Waking Up: The Midlife Manifesto for Passion, Purpose, and Play (practical steps + memoir)
• Podcast: The Midlife Makeover Show
• Website: wendyvalentine.com

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Takeaways for Listeners

• It’s never too late to change or step into your purpose—regardless of age or past struggles.
• Self-abandonment is subtle but powerful: reclaiming your life means consistently choosing yourself, setting boundaries, and acting in alignment with your true values.
• Transformation starts with shifting your thoughts, envisioning your best self, and taking consistent, courageous action—no matter how small.
• Your “mud” (failures, trauma, loss) can feed your future growth—if you’re willing to embrace, not avoid, the discomfort and lessons.
• Confidence and courage are muscles. The more you practice, the more natural empowerment becomes.

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Final Words:

“Whatever it is, go for it.” (Wendy, 51:35)

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

If you fully stepped into your light, who would you need to be? What would you need to do? Maybe you do need to move across the country. Maybe you do need to take a job that you don't necessarily want to take. Maybe you do need to file those divorce papers. Maybe you do need to go ahead and make some boundaries for yourself. There's a lot of things that require us to step into our light and to really be untethered and unapologetic and unleashed and to just be yourself. It takes a lot to do that, but once you do it, it's quite addicting.

[A]

Welcome to Call Her Creator, the podcast that teaches you how to get seen, build an unforgettable brand that creates opportunities and use social media to open doors you never thought possible. I'm your host, Kaitlyn Rhodes, a Forbes featured entrepreneur, founder of Influence Marketing Studio, and the creator of a seven figure personal brand. Everything I've built started with one decision. To stop hiding and let myself be seen. Every week, I'll share actionable social media strategies, personal branding insights, and the honest conversations that push you to think bigger, show up bolder, and take action before you feel ready. Visibility changes everything. Your next opportunity starts with being seen. Now let's get to work. Welcome back to Call Her Creator, the podcast that helps women create influence, income, and that impact. So today's conversation, she is like the most impactful woman I've ever met. It's been such a joy talking to her, but this is the conversations that we're going to be having. Okay, tell me if this relates to you. Am I too late? Do I feel very stuck and like I just can't get out? Maybe you're stuck in a career that no longer excites you. Or maybe you're raising kids while trying to build something on the side. Or maybe you've spent so many years showing up for everyone else that you've just forgotten what you actually want out of life. Because if anything that I've been taught through social media, through anything, it's that everyone who has made it seems to have started, like, really young and like, either they were food, sped from spoon Fred from it, or they just got lucky, right? But today's guest, she is proof that your timeline doesn't have to look like anybody else's. After facing divorce, debt, unemployment, grief, and starting over from scratch, Wendy Valentine rebuilt her life and stepped into the career that she always dreamed about. And how old were you, Wendy, when this happened?

[B]

Oh, my gosh. 49.

[A]

49. So 43 now. Okay, so today she's gonna talk about what it really takes to reinvent yourself, why your greatest opportunity might still be ahead of you, and why the story you've been telling yourself about being too late might be the only thing standing in your way. Wendy, welcome to Call Her Creator.

[B]

Ah, thank you so much. It is great to be here. And I love the name Call Her Creator. I think everyone right now needs to say, call myself a creator. I'm everyone's a creator. It just depends on what you're creating. Right?

[A]

We're the creator of our own lives. Right. And that's the biggest behind here, is creating something that you are obsessed with and happy with and happiness and all the things. Something that I've seen you say before is you didn't start your career well, the career that you really wanted until you were 49.

[B]

I know. Isn't that crazy? Tell me, isn't that crazy?

[A]

How does that happen?

[B]

Yeah, how does that happen? I'm gonna take you back. Actually. We're gonna go back to the biggest previous traumatic dot, if you will, of my life. Steve Jobs always said, you can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect the dots looking backwards. Right? I know. I love that line. I love that quote. And I think it's important for all of us to look back at those dots in our life. Whether they were good dots or bad dots, they lead you to where you're at right now. But then you do have a choice. And you can decide the direction that you go next and even the next dot that you land on, if you will. So seven years ago again, 53. Now, seven years ago is about 46. And I hit rock bottom, like, really bad. I was going through my second divorce. All of my kids were grown and gone, unemployed, 150 grand in debt. Ouch. And my body filed for divorce as well. I was going through chronic lyme disease, black mold toxicity, and for the grand finale, menopause, which is just a blast. You're not there yet, Caitlin, but you just wait. So, needless to say, my body, my life, and everything had fallen apart. And on top. Top of all of that, my brother had just died.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And I remember a moment lying on a cold bathroom floor, bawling my eyes out, literally thinking that I. I wasn't even sure if I'd make it to my 50th birthday. And I felt completely powerless over my body, my mind, my finances, my relationships, my entire life. And then I even wondered, had I ever really owned my power, right? Because it was 30 years before that. And I know you can connect with this story that I was alone and struggling as a pregnant teenager. And then my first husband, he died at the age of 26.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

And from all of that point forward, and maybe not from that point forward, but for about three decades, I became good. I became an expert at one thing, and that was making sure everybody in my life was happy. Everybody but me. And even from a young child, right, just like you, that I would just try to be the good girl and play it safe and. And just stay quiet and just do all the right things. Just want to make everyone happy. So here I was, lying on that cold bathroom floor and mascara streaks all over the place, and I had this wild, out of the blue vision. And most people, in moments like this, they'd be like, they see God or angels or, you know, they see the light from up above. And for me, I saw an rv, like a motorhome. I know, like, in all moments of my life, that that was my vis. And I imagined me driving an RV across the country and into the Arizona sunset. I mean, I literally was just like. Like laying there thinking about it, like, oh, my God, that would be so fun to do something like that. But here's the thing. It wasn't so much the RV that I was excited about or the places I could go. It was the woman in the driver's seat. And, yes, not just of the rv, but of her life. And a woman that was happy and healthy and financially free and a woman that finally, finally followed her dream of becoming an author and an inspirational speaker. And I wanted to become that bold, brave. Can I cuss on here? Okay, good. Bold, brave, badass woman. So badly. But I could feel it. Like, I could imagine what she looked like and felt like and how she even just sat in the seat and how she just handled her whole life. I was like, oh, my God, I want to be that freaking woman. And it's interesting how the bully in your head. We all have one. Your inner critic will quickly pipe right up to remind you that you're not good enough. And from that moment, I glanced at myself in the mirror, and that bully said, oh, my God, Seriously, like, you think you can actually pull this off? You're going to start a new career at the age of 46. You're gonna climb out of debt, and you're actually gonna get healthy enough to even try. And I wanted to give up on that dream. I hadn't even started yet. I, like, had not even taken a foot forward, and I wanted to give up. But then I thought, what if this bully in my head was dead fucking wrong and I could actually make this dream come true. I could actually make the choices that I wanted to make for me. Not for everybody else, but for me. And here's. This was the thing that changed it all. I realized I was at a crossroads. That one road was the woman that I had been and the life that I had been living. And I'll admit, it actually was kind of safe and comfortable because it was familiar. And I knew how to be that miserable woman. And I had the same thoughts and the same beliefs, the same values, or no values at all, no boundaries. I knew how to be her. But then there was the other road of that woman that I could become that woman in the driver's seat and the dreams that I could create. And yes, it was scary, and yes, it was super risky to go for it and. But it was the only thing that gave me hope. And I realized that no matter which road that I decided to take, it would take a ton of effort because staying stuck is exhausting. Starting over is also exhausting. And I thought, if I'm going to be exhausted, then I might as well be exhausted going after the life that I want to create. And I did. And literally in that moment, I got up from that cold bathroom floor, went to my couch, opened up a blank page in my journal, and I didn't make a list like we typically do with making goals and all of that stuff. The what, when, where, why, and how. And instead, I actually wrote about the woman in the driver's seat. And I wrote about her in detail, like, how she would look at herself in the mirror, how she spoke to herself with love and respect, and how she would walk into a room like she owns the fricking place. How she would set boundaries and actually keep them. And how she actually owned her power instead of giving it away to everybody else in her life. And I made a decision in that moment. I was like, I am going to become her. And she. She, like, it's almost like a third person. You know, it's like out of body type of experience that I'm going to let her freaking take the steering wheel here. Like, I'm gonna let her drive the fucking show, and she's gonna create this life, and the rest is history.

[A]

So, you know, I mentioned this on your show, there was the writing on the wall, the days, weeks, months leading up to you on that bathroom floor. Like, could you feel that you were about at your breaking point?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

What were you feeling?

[B]

I. I knew. I knew that there was change coming and I knew it was bad. I didn't have a whole lot of choices at that point. I knew I was heading. I was headed towards rock bottom. And honestly, I was. Kind of sounds really weird, but I was kind of okay with it. Like, if in some ways I felt, you know what, let's just deconstruct it all, because then I can reconstruct what I really do want in my life. And I think for all of us, I mean, there's proactive change and there's reactive change, right? Like, there's proactive meaning, like, okay, you're going to put your resignation in for your job and you're going to go get another job, right? Or get served, or your boss calls you in the office and says, hey, you're fired. Right? You're either the one serving the divorce papers or they're. They're getting served to you. So they're. You're either proactive or reactive. And sometimes it's so reactive. There's so many things that come your way and I have found in my life. I don't know what it is. Everything usually does hit me at once.

[A]

What?

[B]

I don't know if I manifested or what. I'm like, okay, let's tear this shit down and we're going to rebuild, you know? But yes, I did know that it was coming. I mean, obviously there was things that were happening in my life for a year or two years prior to that, but it just kept coming and coming and coming. But here's what's so freaking cool. I think the moment you say yes to yourself and you give yourself permission to change and to be you, the you that you want to be, not for what Instagram wants you to be, or friends or family or, you know, like culture, society, but who you want to be. Like, everything just starts to align. And it's crazy. From that moment, after I wrote about this amazing, extraordinary woman, the badass woman in the driver's seat, I got a job offer in Chicago. It's crazy. This is crazy. Four weeks from that moment, I pack up my house. I was living in Virginia. I had never lived in Illinois, never been there, and stayed in Chicago. And it was doing a job I did not know how to do. It was selling houses, selling new construction houses, had no fricking clue. Well, the old Wendy would have said, I'm not qualified. I can't do this. What the fuck? You know I'm not gonna do this. Well, the new Wendy, which I literally stepped into the shoes of that new woman every single. And I let her take the reins. Like, okay, what are we doing here? She'd be like, uh, we're doing this thing. No, this is. This is how we roll now. Okay, cool, we're going for it. And I did. And for two years, I went all out on everything, whether that was my health, my wellbeing. I read every book in the self help section at Barnes and Noble. I went to therapy. Like, I became. Became a vegan for a while, tried to rebuild my health. I did yoga, I did hiking, I did journaling, I did meditation. I went all out to become that woman and to make that dream come true. So for two years, I worked for corporate. And I'm not one to drop numbers. I never do this. But it's kind of a cool number because again, once you say yes to what you really want in your life and you focus on that and you focus on that only, everything starts to fall into place. I became the number one sales consultant in the Chicago division. I sold over $45 million worth of houses. And like, isn't that crazy? I know. Needless to say, I paid off all my debt, saved up enough money to be able to buy that RV that I dreamt about for a couple years at that point. And I bought a plane ticket to go from Chicago to Nashville to pick up the rv.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Went there on a Friday. I bought it on Saturday. On Sunday, I drove it back in the pouring rain from Nashville to Chicago. Monday morning, I quit my job.

[A]

Oh, my God. So what is coming to my head right now as you're speaking, is alignment sometimes looks like loss.

[B]

Oh, for sure, right?

[A]

Like you had to lose all this stuff to get in full alignment with yourself. Now, something I want to know, and I know a lot of other people, when we make these big changes in life, there are a lot of naysayers that come out, especially that are very important to us. Those will be the first ones to give you the feedback that you don't want. But it's because they care. But did you have negative feedback from your children when you quit your job and bought this?

[B]

You know what's funny is I was kind of on the fence a little bit, like, towards when I was getting closer and closer to the point of buying the rv, because then I was doing really well. Right. Mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, I was like, yeah, I got my shit together now. Like, I could just. I could just hang. And you. And I talked about this on my show. But there is a knowingness. There was a knowingness that if I didn't do this, I had no regrets at that point. And I knew that that would be my first regret if I didn't actually go for this. And I knew there was something to it. I didn't know what it was. I just felt like if I don't do this, then I'm giving up on something I don't. And it really was giving up on me. Right. But I did. To answer your question, I did ask them. I asked all three of them. Now, I raised them to be bold. So of course they're gonna be like, well, yeah, why wouldn't you go for it?

[A]

I love that.

[B]

All right, okay, I'm doing it and I'm driving to come see. You wanna buy it?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yes. And, yeah, I got rid of everything. I sold everything. And I mean, I went from at one point living in a house that was 5,000 square feet down to a thousand square feet and then to 100 square square feet of that RV. So even my RV is probably the size of what my closet used to be. So needless to say, I had to get rid of a ton of stuff. So that in itself was scary.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To actually get rid of furniture and clothes. And I went from heels to flip flops.

[A]

And did that feel okay? This is me now reverting back to your podcast. I told you, for the first 90 days, I felt very uncomfortable and had panic attacks. Did you feel very uncomfortable making this big leap of change?

[B]

Oh, for sure.

[A]

Walk us through what was going through your mind. How are you feeling? What did you do to get over that?

[B]

Yes. Let me tell you a story. So the night before I went to go to Nashville to buy the rv, I was sitting on the floor. I'm always sitting on the floor. I don't know, I guess it just feels good. It's hot flashes, the cold tile feels good. But I was sitting. I was sitting on the floor and I had. I was surrounded by boxes of the stuff that was going to be going into my rv, and I started to. To panic a little bit. You know, I'm like, do I do this? Like, I'm actually for kind of what I was saying before about proactive, reactive. Well, I'm actually going to put in my resignation. I'm putting myself back into unemployment, and I'm going to Go for this dream. Because I wanted to become a writer. I wanted to become a podcaster. I wanted to become a speaker. I was like, I've got to make this happen. But then I was like, no, I don't have to do this. Right. I could stay in my little comfort zone. Right? But as we know, a comfort zone is a very beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there. And I knew, like, I guess I had grown in those last couple of years. I had evolved. I had overcome so much. But I need to give myself permission to grow even more and to keep evolving. And right when I was having all of these second thoughts, at the top of one of my boxes that were sitting there on the floor was a quote by Marianne Williamson. It's one of my faves. It's one of my faves. And it goes a little something like this. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

[A]

Yeah, if you think about it, it is. It's. It's like you know, what you're made of, you know, your potential, but that potential steers you because you're going to have to make some moves to hit that potential.

[B]

Bingo. That's exactly what it is. And I think. And, you know, I had that quote up on my wall for years, and I. I never really. I didn't get it until that moment, because I remember thinking, marianne, that's. That's a little silly, because why would I be scared of my light? That's. Of course, you know, I'm scared of the darkness. Yeah. I'm scared of. I'm, like, scared of the fears and the doubts and the limiting beliefs. But it's the light that we're scared of. Because to your point, if you fully stepped into your light, who would you need to be? What would you need to do? Right. Maybe you do need to move across the country. Maybe you do need to take a job that you don't necessarily want to take. Maybe you do need to file those divorce papers. Maybe you do need to go ahead and make some boundaries for yourself. Maybe you do need to. Whatever.

[A]

You know, you probably have to take an uncomfortable step.

[B]

Yes. Yes. To do all the things to even make your body healthier. Right. That is, like, to change your behaviors and your habits. So, yes, there's a lot of things that require us to step into our light and to really be untethered and unapologetic and unleashed and to just be yourself. I mean, it takes a lot to do that, but once you do it, it's quite addicting. It's like I can't stop.

[A]

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[B]

I'd love to talk about that. The number one thing that you need to change, it is your thoughts and it is your and your beliefs, right? This right here is either your best friend or your worst enemy. I'm pointing to my head, everyone that can't see. But here's the thing. You're the one that gets to decide who is actually running the show inside your head, right? We have a ticker tape of thoughts that are going across our mind just like the news. And you can decide if it's good news or if it's bad news. And it all comes down. I know we hear this all the time. Thoughts become things and da, da, da. It's true.

[A]

It's true, right?

[B]

Change your thoughts, change your life, change. It's true. It sounds so simple and it really is. But your thoughts and your beliefs are so powerful. And just like I said earlier, it's like the bully that you have in your head. Are you going to agree with, with that bully? Are you going to let him actually take you down and you can actually become the person that you want to be, become that best friend. Like, become your own bestie. And you have to pay attention to those thoughts. You have to get quiet enough to even know what you're thinking. And I never really did before. Up until that moment when I had my breakdown moment, I had never really paid attention to how I spoke to myself, and it was awful. And I can't remember. I'm getting confused now. I can't remember if I said it on. When you were on my show or if I said it on yours, but. Right. I mean, the. Your beliefs are made up. That bully is made up of all the experiences that you had with other people in society, and you have that right to change that. Yeah. And then going into the behaviors, once you start to change those beliefs, you need to change those behaviors. You need for it to match that person that you want to actually become. So I do recommend sitting down and journaling about the woman that you actually want to be. And imagine as if there was a drone flying over your head. And how would you actually act during the day? How do you walk into a room? How do you eat? How do you sleep? How do you move your body, Care for your body? Imagine what she does and literally write about that in detail. Write about the relationships that she has. How does she actually set her boundaries? Does she keep her boundaries? What are her values?

[A]

And.

[B]

And you literally, every day just step into the shoes of that woman that you want to be, and eventually you become that woman. You don't wait until you become a powerful woman. You act like a powerful woman, and then you become her.

[A]

Then it becomes. Yeah. Do you feel like when you do step into her, like, your boundaries get stronger? Do you feel.

[B]

Oh, for sure. I mean, I had no boundaries before. Right. And, you know, I. Yeah, I had one thing.

[A]

All right?

[B]

I'm like, boundaries.

[A]

Like, I think that's why I was so weasel Caitlin, Because I didn't have boundaries, and now I have them.

[B]

Yes. Yes. And it feels a little uncomfortable at first. And you can even give your future self a name. Mine. Mine is Wonder Wendy. Here's my little Wonder Wendy. I'm holding up this little Wonder Woman doll that sat on top of the dashboard of my RV when I took off. So this is. This is her. But give her a name. I know it sounds corny, but give her a name and just ask her, like, hey, what are we going to do about this situation? How do I handle this? What would you do? Right.

[A]

And.

[B]

Yes. And you have to. Yes. When you set boundaries, you kind of need to keep them. And your boundaries are going to be different for every single person. Right. It's going to be different with your spouse than it would be with the barista at Starbucks. So you have to decide what your boundaries are. But I think, now that I think about it, when I created this new woman, she just naturally came with those boundaries. I didn't have to think about what boundaries would she have. Of course she's gonna let somebody know, hey, that was rude. I did not deserve that. Of course she's gonna be like, uh, we ain't dealing with that crap. Yeah. But she just naturally had these boundaries because you can't be a bold, brave, badass woman that drives an RV across if you're going to be a wussy. Right? So she just had these really cool boundaries. But I do want to say that probably the. One of the greatest, greatest epiphanies of my life happened when I was 50 years old. I was at the Malibu Beach RV Park.

[A]

What? How fun.

[B]

I know. Yeah. Actually, that's where I started my podcast. I started the Midlife makeover show on 22222 at 2:22pm oh, my God.

[A]

Talk about signs writing on a wall. Okay.

[B]

Yes. And that was actually at the Malibu Beach RV park overlooking the ocean. But I was sitting on the picnic table watching the sunset, and I was thinking, I still, you know, we. We always have fears. That's okay. You're not supposed to be fearless, right? You. You're going to have fears, and things always bubble up, but they don't stay there for long. Right. But I did have a fear that bubbled up about really putting myself out there. And when I was a child, I was abandoned. And from that moment, I became a really good people pleaser, codependent, perfectionist, approval seeker. You name it, I rocked those fricking labels. Yeah. I mean, and I was good. I was good at it. I was a chameleon. And my greatest fear in life was being abandoned. And then in that moment, 50 years old. Took me five decades to have this moment. But I realized I became my greatest fear. Because even though I feared everyone else would abandon me, really what I was, I was abandoning myself.

[A]

Ooh, girl.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Self abandonment. That's something that I'm working through right now. Because anytime you. This is a side note, but anytime you give a yes to someone, you want to say no, that you're abandoning oneself. And I've never thought of it this way. We're abandoning ourselves. We're be. How do we get through? Okay, keep going. Sorry.

[B]

Wow. And you know what I did as. Even though I probably look like a crazy person, I sat there and had a little conversation with. With little Wendy, nine year old Wendy. And I said, you know, thank you, but, you know, I got you, girl. I got you. You can relax and play and enjoy and have fun on this wild ride through this life. We're not holding back anymore. We have no reason to, because. And. And here's the thing. All the people that I strive so hard to, like, jumping through hoops and trying to please and say the right things and walking on eggshells, in the end, it didn't freaking matter. And I was like. And I was exhausted from trying to be that perfect person. And so much so that I. There are times that I wanted to do certain things in my life and I didn't do it because I was such a perfectionist. I didn't want to mess up. Oh, my God. If I say something wrong, what if I screw up? What if I forget my words? Oh, my God. And it, like, it just didn't matter in the end. And I tell you what, there's two main events that really changed my life as well. And I think I mentioned this, that my. My first husband died when he was 26, my brother died when he was 49. And my husband barely made it to midlife. You know, what we consider midlife. And my brother had just got there. And I think, you know, at that moment, I'm like, I'm 50 years old. Who freaking cares? Like, life is too precious to give a shit about all of these silly things that we make up in our heads. And I was like, I'm not gonna live the second half of my life worrying and taking care of everybody else. And I don't know if you know this, but Bronnie Ware, she wrote Top five regrets of the dying. And the number one regret that people had on their deathbed was living life for everybody else. I know.

[A]

So how do we. Give me some tactical advice on how do we stop doing that? Like, top three ways to stop caring. Like, what do you teach your women about this?

[B]

Wendy, you have to be consistent with yourself. Anytime these fears bubble up, you don't push them under the rug. You tackle them immediately. I like to think of emotions, emotion as energy, emotion. And allow those emotions to flow through you. Right? If you feel fear, even ask yourself, well, what's. There's always something underneath it. And it took me, like when I had that moment on the. At the picnic table there in Malibu. I kept asking myself, what is underneath this? Why? Why am I so hung up? Why do I give a shit what someone on Instagram thinks about me? And all the trolls and Everybody else saying, crap, why do I care? And I just kept asking myself the question, what's underneath this? What's underneath it? What's underneath it? And you'll finally get there. I mean, even for you, there was like a little light bulb moment, even telling my story, right? Like, you're like, ah, there's always in going back to the beginning, connecting the dots. There's a dot back there somewhere that triggered that. And. And for all of us, there's. There's a story we carry through. Through our lives. And that doesn't mean that you can't just.

[A]

You.

[B]

You own your story, right? But you don't have to completely attach to it, right? You're always. You find. You find the gains in your losses, if you will, and there's no way you're gonna get out of this lifetime without a loss. I mean, it's just not gonna happen. You're always gonna have losses, but you have that power within you to be able to find the gains and find that wisdom and to be your own cheerleader, to pump yourself up and be like, okay, huh? We are moving past this. I'm constantly coaching myself. Constantly.

[A]

You're saying it is a work in progress. Like, some days are gonna be easier than others. It's okay.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, just recently for me, I mean, I went through. I don't know why it always happens in threes for me, but three major traumatic events. Number one, I had both of my ovaries and my fallopian tubes removed. I had emergency surgery due to, like, a huge cyst. So I was two weeks into recovery, and I was supposed to be recovering for six weeks. I get a call that my dad's dying.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

So. And you know this, but I live on the island of Madeira, Portugal, and so I had to. I don't know how you rush from Portugal to. To Phoenix, Arizona, but rushed to get there to be there with my dad before he died, and then came back, and then a few weeks later, had to end. I'll just say it this way. Had to end the relationship with my mother. So three big whammies, three losses within, I don't know, three, four months. And even with the grief that I'm going through right now, it's different this time. And it's because I'm allowing myself to grieve. And even doing what I'm doing right now, this feeds my heart and soul. And I think that's so important for people out there listening that, you know, when you do what you Love, it does feed your heart and soul, especially through the hard times. And the old Wendy, wimpy Wendy, she would have probably given up. She would have been like, I can't show up for this interview today. I'm just so sad. Which is okay to do. Like, I had my moments where I was like, okay, I need to cut back a little bit during this time of grief. But I'm learning to approach the emotions as they come up and go, okay, all right, we're a little angry today. No problem. You're like, I'm a little sad today. I'm sad in this moment. But yes, emotions, let them flow through you and just allow it to teach you something. There's lessons in everything. There's so much wisdom in your life. No matter what you've been through, going through now and are going to go through, like, there's so many lessons. And I think you and I talked about this too. It's like it'll. It can make you or break you and, and you decide. You. You decide which crossroads. You know which. Which road you're going to take at the crossroads. You decide which one you're going to do.

[A]

You get to decide. There comes a point in your life where you can no longer blame your upbringing for things or what whatever might you. You have to decide. Does anyone else feel like August is the Sunday of summer? You're trying to get your life together before everything gets busy again? For me, that reset always starts with my closet. I want clothes that fit well, look expensive, and that I reach for over and over again. That's exactly why I love Quints. Their premium stretch denim starts at just $50. And honestly, the fit is so good. I also wear their organic cotton basics because they're so soft. The best part, everything is priced 50 to 80% less than similar luxury brands because Quint's works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middleman. They also have beautiful bedding, bath, kitchen essentials, and even furniture. If you're in your home refresh era, upgrade your everyday. Download the Quints app for app exclusive offers or go to quints.com CHC get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com CHC as someone who is constantly creating content, podcast clips, social media, videos, presentations, you can imagine how much time goes into editing. That's why I love storyblocks and they've become an essential part of my workflow. It's a 100% human made stock media library. So every piece of footage, music, sound effect, image and template is created by a real filmmaker or artist, not AI. Everything is professionally curated, pre licensed and ready to use. Which means I can spend less time searching for assets and more time creating. Honestly, it saved me hours every week. Head to storyblocks.com CHC to access the human made stock media library that's essential to my workflow. For a limited time, they're offering 15% off any annual plan and that discount is only available through my link. Again, that's storyblocks.com CHC for 15% off annual plans. You know what else I'm thinking here too? Like I talk about confidence reps, which is like working on your confidence. A lot of no's. I'm connecting that to what you're saying with just being aware of things and like being able to accept those things. And it's just like it's a muscle that you got to work out. It's never going to be perfect. But you're the more go through, the better, stronger.

[B]

Yeah. And what, you know, one thing I'd like to point out about courage because people have said to me, like, oh, you've always been so courageous and bold. I'm sure it's just so easy for you. I'm like, oh my gosh, no. And I think of it this way, right? Like if this right here, I'm holding up a glass. If this was a jar of courage and you had the same. I can't fill up your jar of courage. You can't fill up mine. And the only way to fill up a jar of courage is by actually taking action. And especially the stuff that is really fricking scary. That's what builds your courage. It is about doing all the things you're like, oh my gosh, I don't know if I could do that. What if I screw up and you do it anyways? Oh yeah. That's like a big bonus in the jar of courage, right? And you keep taking action and you keep filling up that jar of courage. But you create courage. You just, you're not born courageous. You're not like, woo. Yep. Huh. This is me. No, it's a muscle. Yeah, exactly.

[A]

We're not born with abs. Yeah, you have to exactly work it out.

[B]

I know, I wish I was, but.

[A]

Me too. Me too. I'm never. I told my husband, I'm like, I'll never be that girl. I'm sorry.

[B]

I know, right? Just give it up. It's not gonna happen.

[A]

Yeah, I just. Everything you're saying, I can just totally relate to so much. And I've started instilling a lot more boundaries in my own life. I've lost a lot of people doing that, too, but I still. I grieve those people every day. But I. I think, you know, I think it'll get easier and easier because I'll. I'll build that muscle. Like, you can't abandon yourself to make these other people happy. Your story is very incredible, Wendy.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you.

[A]

I'm still crazy, too. People like me and you who go through these hard things, I love how. How joyous were we both when we first got it. We're like, hey, girl, what's up? Like, we exude so much confidence, happiness, joy, even though we've felt deep pain. But I think that's also a testimony. Like, you can go through hard things, but you can also come out of them, too.

[B]

Oh, yes. Oh, and I want to tell you a great metaphor for that, and it's the lotus flower. This is actually truth. And how that they actually grow. But they sit in cold, dark mud at night, and every morning when the sun rises, the lotus also rises out of the mud and it opens its petals and it. It basically blooms when the sun comes up. Right? But this is the cool thing. And they call it the lotus effect. It's an actual scientific term. But on the lotus itself, you will not see any drops of mud on its puddles because the water itself literally pulls all of the mud off of its petals. And the point is, is like, just what you said, like, we all have our mud in life. We all have our shit. We all have our losses, right? And our trauma. You can still bloom every single day. And it doesn't have to be a display, right? Your losses and your trauma doesn't have to be a display to the world. It's still part of you. But here's the thing. For the lotus, the mud actually feeds it. That's how the lotus gets its nutrients. Right? So the same for your losses and your mud in life. Exactly. That mud feeds you. Because even for you, Caitlin, you wouldn't be the woman you are today without the losses that you have been through. I wouldn't be the woman I am today. And I've always said, too, if someone had fixed any of my shit in my life, I would been pissed. Because even if they could have waved a magic wand and been like, let me just take care of that trauma for you, and that loss and that one, I've been like. But I wouldn't have learned anything. I wouldn't have had to come out the other side. I wouldn't have had to build up that courage because so I am. Sounds crazy, but I am so grateful for all my losses, even my recent ones. It's like, okay, all right. I got this shit. And so find the wisdom, right? Find. Look at the mud in your life and go, okay, thank you. Because you're feeding me. And yes, I choose to bloom every freaking day.

[A]

Oh, I choose to bloom every freaking day. That's gonna be my go. I love that. Okay. I know that people are gonna be like, oh, my God, how can I find more about Wendy? How can I connect with her? Like, tell us all the things that you're doing right now how they can connect with you. Like, what's something exciting coming up for you? All the things.

[B]

Oh, my gosh, so many great things. Well, I had my book recently come out. Women Waking up the Midlife Manifesto for Passion, Purpose, and Play. Here it is. She's so cute. But this book is for any woman out there that feels lost, stuck, invisible, or just quietly dissatisfied. And I took out all the fluff and gave you. Gave you the formula in this book. You'll read my story, but it's actually 70% of it is the how to. So for. How do you actually redesign your life? How to go after the career that you want or the relationship that you want? And I think it's an amazing book because I feel like if you did every single thing in the book, there's no way that your life couldn't change for the better. I'm that confident about it. I mean, it changed my life. So it's. And it is actually those two years that I mentioned to you, it's everything that I did within those two years, that's what's in the book.

[A]

Okay. I'm excited. I'm so excited to read it. You're so incredible.

[B]

Thank you. So then. Oh, and then also the podcast, which you have been on the Midlife Makeover Show. It's everywhere where you listen upon podcast, but the main Hub is Wendy Valentine.com and that's where you can find everything.

[A]

You truly are just a piece of sunshine. And if your book is anything like you as a person, I'm so excited to read about it. And I'm so excited you got a new listener, too, for your podcast. I'm so excited.

[B]

Yes. So thank you.

[A]

Thank you so much for coming on today.

[B]

Thank you, Kaylin. And thank you, everyone. Yeah, go for it. Whatever it is, go for it. Yes.

[A]

I love that energy. We will get you next time on Call Her Creator Podcast. Hey, if this episode helped you become even 1% bolder today, would you do me a favor? Please leave a review so more women can find Call Her Creator Podcast. Then send this episode to one woman who's ready for her next chapter. Because the world doesn't need women playing smaller. It needs more women willing to be seen. All right, I'll see you guys in the next episode.