Call It Short & Sweet: It'll Be Our Little Secret

Summary

Podcast Title: Call It What It Is
Host/Author: iHeartPodcasts
Episode: Short & Sweet: It'll Be Our Little Secret
Release Date: November 28, 2024

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Overview

In this episode of "Call It What It Is," hosts Jessica Capshaw and Camilla Luddington delve into the theme of "dirty little secrets," inviting listeners to share their anonymous confessions. The episode is a candid exploration of various personal mishaps, ethical dilemmas, and humorous anecdotes that listeners have chosen to reveal. Through laughter, empathy, and insightful commentary, Jessica and Camilla create a safe space for listeners to unburden themselves and feel a sense of camaraderie.

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Episode Breakdown

1. Introduction to the Theme

• [03:22] Jessica Capshaw:
  "Call It Crew. And welcome to another episode of Short and Sweet. Sweet. We're gonna dive straight into this one."

• [03:35] Camilla Luddington:
  "Someone's cheating? They got you on that. In-laws are in-lawing? Let’s get into it."

Jessica and Camilla set the stage for the episode by introducing the concept of sharing anonymous secrets, emphasizing the importance of unburdening oneself, especially around the New Year.

2. Listener Confessions and Discussions

The hosts read and react to a series of anonymous submissions from listeners. Below are some highlighted confessions along with notable interactions:

• Confession 1: The Goodwill Dump

  • [04:29] Listener:
    "In college, I found out my friend was hiding valuable items from his house. I collected an Xbox, a huge glass bong, a gold necklace, and video games, then dumped them at Goodwill. He still has no idea to this day."

  • [04:42] Jessica Capshaw:
    "I think that might be illegal."

  • [04:44] Listener (Call It Crew):
    "It's also called karma."

  • [04:47] Jessica Capshaw:
    "Okay, that's what I have to say about that."

  Discussion Points:
  The hosts discuss the ethical implications of the act, touching upon legality and the concept of karma. Jessica humorously points out the potential legal issues, while Camilla adds a light-hearted perspective on karma.

• Confession 2: The Dorm Planter Incident

  • [04:47] Listener:
    "During my senior year of college, I was too hungover to make it to the bathroom and ended up throwing up in a huge planter in our dorm building. It stunk for days, and I've never told anyone."

  • [05:14] Jessica Capshaw:
    "Better in there than other places."

  • [05:22] Listener:
    "No, it's just gross."

  • [05:25] Jessica Capshaw:
    "That's why we're here. We forgive you."

  Discussion Points:
  The conversation centers around embarrassing moments and the discomfort associated with keeping such secrets. The hosts offer empathy and understanding, reinforcing the supportive nature of their friendship.

• Confession 3: The Teacher Romance

  • [05:44] Listener:
    "I slept with my 50-year-old female teacher when I was 19. It wasn't illegal, but it was messy and involved a position of power."

  • [06:00] Jessica Capshaw:
    "It's just messy and position of power. I mean, we could deep dive."

  • [06:12] Listener:
    "I killed my sister's fish by overfeeding them and then lied about it."

  • [06:55] Jessica Capshaw:
    "They're dead."

  Discussion Points:
  These confessions touch on more serious and ethically complex situations. Jessica and Camilla navigate these topics with sensitivity, highlighting the consequences of actions and the importance of honesty.

• Confession 4: The Secret Breakups and Lies

  • [07:08] Listener:
    "I call out sick to work occasionally without telling my husband so I can have a day to myself."

  • [07:19] Jessica Capshaw:
    "You should be proud of that. I would have put my name on that."

  • [07:55] Listener:
    "My mom's best friend had a three-year affair with my uncle. I caught them once but haven't said anything."

  • [08:36] Jessica Capshaw:
    "That's really sad."

  Discussion Points:
  The hosts address personal boundaries and the complexities of family relationships. They offer support and understanding, acknowledging the difficulty in disclosing such sensitive information.

• Confession 5: The Workplace Awkwardness

  • [09:32] Listener:
    "The son of our CEO was watching porn at his cubicle, and I was too shocked to say anything."

  • [09:55] Jessica Capshaw:
    "You would have."

  Discussion Points:
  This confession leads to a discussion about workplace conduct and the appropriate responses to witnessing inappropriate behavior. The hosts emphasize the importance of addressing such issues, even when it’s uncomfortable.

• Confession 6: The Nurse's Embarrassing Moment

  • [10:20] Listener:
    "I'm a nurse, and while working in the ICU, I had gas and blamed my farts on an intubated patient."

  • [10:53] Jessica Capshaw:
    "That is funny and terrible all at the same time."

  Discussion Points:
  The balance between humor and professionalism in high-stress environments is explored, highlighting the human side of healthcare workers.

• Confession 7: The Fake Background Photo

  • [15:37] Listener:
    "During COVID, I made a fake background photo of my home office for Zoom meetings. I wasn't in the country, but I adhered to the 'must be home' policy. I never got caught."

  • [15:52] Jessica Capshaw:
    "That's so smart."

  Discussion Points:
  The ingenuity and lengths to which people went to adapt to remote work are discussed, with Jessica commending the listener’s cleverness.

3. Reflections and Support

Throughout the episode, Jessica and Camilla emphasize the importance of forgiveness, understanding, and the idea that everyone has their "naughty" moments. They reassure listeners that sharing these secrets is a form of unburdening and that they are not alone in their experiences.

• [19:22] Jessica Capshaw:
  "We've all been on the naughty list."

• [20:35] Jessica Capshaw:
  "Being like, oh, oh, oh, yeah, it's me, it's me, it's me."

The hosts reinforce the sense of community and support, encouraging listeners to continue sharing and seeking solace in the collective experience.

---

Conclusion

"Call It What It Is" successfully creates a relatable and engaging environment where listeners feel comfortable sharing their personal secrets. Jessica Capshaw and Camilla Luddington navigate each confession with a blend of humor, empathy, and thoughtful commentary, making the episode both entertaining and emotionally resonant. By addressing a wide range of topics—from harmless pranks to more serious ethical dilemmas—the hosts demonstrate the complexities of human behavior and the value of supportive friendships.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Jessica Capshaw ([05:14]):
  "Better in there than other places."

• Camilla Luddington ([04:44]):
  "It's also called karma."

• Jessica Capshaw ([06:00]):
  "It's just messy and position of power. I mean, we could deep dive."

• Jessica Capshaw ([07:08]):
  "You should be proud of that. I would have put my name on that."

• Jessica Capshaw ([19:22]):
  "We've all been on the naughty list."

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Final Thoughts

The episode effectively balances light-hearted confessions with deeper, more serious discussions, showcasing the hosts' ability to handle diverse topics with grace and humor. For listeners who enjoy candid conversations about personal experiences and the intricacies of friendships, this episode offers both entertainment and meaningful insights.

Transcript

[Jessica Capshaw]

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[Call It Crew]

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[Jessica Capshaw]

In the history of this company. Our message got out.

[Call It Crew]

We're famous.

[Camille Luddington]

All of us equally or one of.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Us is like the star. What did you see? My audi's wife was Ms. Casey. If you want to find out what.

[Camille Luddington]

Happened to her, I'll help.

[Call It Crew]

She's still alive. I want to see my wife.

[Jessica Capshaw]

He should have left severance.

[Camille Luddington]

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[Jessica Capshaw]

Call it what it is with Jessica.

[Call It Crew]

Capshaw and Camille Luddington, an iHeartRadio podcast. Hello, hello, hello, hello.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Call It Crew. And welcome to another episode of Short and sweet. Sweet. We're gonna dive straight into this one.

[Call It Crew]

Oh, my gosh. You all are the gift that keeps on giving. This one's all about you. I dedicate this episode to you.

[Jessica Capshaw]

And by you, she means the Call It Crew. The Call It Crew. Because this episode is titled. What? Jessica, go. Just do it. I'm gonna sing it after.

[Call It Crew]

All you need to know about this episode is that there's not one of these submissions that isn't anonymous. I know, I know.

[Jessica Capshaw]

And that's amazing. And that's why you're.

[Call It Crew]

And this epis is about keeping my dirty little secrets.

[Jessica Capshaw]

I'll keep you my dirty little secret. Okay. They're all anonymous.

[Call It Crew]

Yep. Because, you know, and it's that time of the year where you can just, you know, unburden yourself. You can just, you know, unload the secrets or confessions. And we asked you to, and you did not disappoint. I think the best way to do this is just to jump right in.

[Jessica Capshaw]

There's no buffer needed. We're just going.

[Call It Crew]

No, I'm starting off with the first one. Are you ready?

[Jessica Capshaw]

Yeah. Go.

[Call It Crew]

In college, I found out my. So I collected a box of valuable things from his house. An Xbox, his huge glass bong, gold necklace, and video games. And I took them to Goodwill and dumped him after. He still has no idea to this day.

[Jessica Capshaw]

I think that might be illegal.

[Call It Crew]

It's also called karma.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Okay, that's what I have to say about that next one. My senior year of college, I was so hungover from a night out early the next morning, I couldn't make it to the bathroom to vomit. So I threw up in a huge planter in our dorm building. And it stunk for days. And I've never Told a soul. I still think about it and I want to die. That's so gross.

[Call It Crew]

Yeah, it's really gross.

[Jessica Capshaw]

You know what, though? Honestly? Better in there than other places.

[Call It Crew]

Yeah. On, like, carpet. Where you really couldn't.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Yeah.

[Call It Crew]

No, it's just gross. It is, but there's remorse and that.

[Jessica Capshaw]

That's why we're here.

[Call It Crew]

Hold on.

[Jessica Capshaw]

We forgive you.

[Call It Crew]

That's a small part of you that was making good decisions.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Oh, my God. The next one.

[Call It Crew]

Ow. What? You know, this happens more than I think we know about.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Yeah. Go read it so that we. They understand.

[Call It Crew]

Okay. All right. I slept with my 50 year old female teacher, and I was 19 at the time.

[Jessica Capshaw]

That's a problem.

[Call It Crew]

Yeah. But it's not illegal.

[Jessica Capshaw]

It's not illegal, but.

[Call It Crew]

So it's not like a crime. It's just. It's not a crime.

[Jessica Capshaw]

It's just messy and position of power. I mean, we could deep dive.

[Call It Crew]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably the teacher piece of it. No judgment, but. Wow. That's a secret. We're gonna keep that one a secret.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Yeah. I killed my sister's fish while taking care of them when she was on a trip. I overfed them and then lied about it when she came home. I. This is interesting to me because I heard the rumor that, like, fish will just eat, eat, eat, eat, eat. And then there's the myth, or maybe fact is that their stomachs explode. Oh, they can't stop eating. However, my kids, I. You know, it's like, well, feed the fish. And Lucas is like, I want to feed the fish. It's like, okay, just a little pinch and it's like, you know, a fistful goes in.

[Call It Crew]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jessica Capshaw]

My fish are fine. So, like, I'm confused. Like, what are you. What did you give them a steak? Yeah, like, I want to know. I don't know if that's true.

[Call It Crew]

Hmm.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Anyway, they're dead.

[Call It Crew]

Yep. Nobody knows about it.

[Jessica Capshaw]

They're gone.

[Call It Crew]

Okay.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Okay.

[Call It Crew]

I call out sick to work every so often and don't tell my husband so I can have a day to myself at the house. That's great.

[Jessica Capshaw]

That's a good one. Good for you. That doesn't even need to be anonymous. You should be proud of that. I would have put my name on that. Okay.

[Call It Crew]

Goodness.

[Jessica Capshaw]

I'm in year what?

[Call It Crew]

Yes. It's getting. Wow.

[Jessica Capshaw]

I'm in year 13, and I hooked up with my biology teacher on a night out recently.

[Call It Crew]

What is year 13? Is that like, you're like a year past being a senior?

[Jessica Capshaw]

I think you're still in high School, I think this is England is year 13. I gotta check on this.

[Call It Crew]

Hang on now.

[Jessica Capshaw]

I've gotta do a. I wonder where.

[Call It Crew]

They ran into their biology teacher on a night out.

[Jessica Capshaw]

That's what I was thinking.

[Call It Crew]

Huh.

[Jessica Capshaw]

And desert. Does an arrest need to be made?

[Call It Crew]

I don't know.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Okay.

[Call It Crew]

Okay. I lied to my best friend once about something major and it ended with her trying to fight a person that had nothing to do with it.

[Jessica Capshaw]

That's.

[Call It Crew]

That would be hard to stand by. I would feel deep, deep, deep guilt about that one.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Sorry.

[Call It Crew]

Well, see, you're anonymous, so, uh.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Oh.

[Call It Crew]

Oh, yeah.

[Jessica Capshaw]

You guys are tricky, tricky today.

[Call It Crew]

That's a bummer.

[Jessica Capshaw]

My mom's best friend had a three year affair with my uncle. It continued even when my aunt got pregnant. I caught them once, but haven't said anything.

[Call It Crew]

Okay, you know what? I know that these are supposed to be salacious and I'm on board with it being, you know, naughty, but this is really. This is making me sad.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Do you need a moment?

[Call It Crew]

I do. Come on.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Yeah.

[Call It Crew]

I mean, that was not good.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Okay.

[Call It Crew]

Although I have to say, I do have to say it never behooves you to be the one that tells anyone. Right. It's heed the message, kill the messenger. It's not like you're gonna do anything good.

[Jessica Capshaw]

I'm gonna tell you what, that's true.

[Call It Crew]

I know. That's why it's just a bummer.

[Jessica Capshaw]

People do succeed, they stay together, but they never wanna see you again because you were the one that said it. Maybe it's an anonymous letter of like, psst.

[Call It Crew]

I've thought about that.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Sally's having a little.

[Call It Crew]

Yeah, I've wanted to do that with Uncle Bob. Yeah. Yeah, I've wanted to do that.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Yeah. I think it's an. I think it's anonymous letter time.

[Call It Crew]

Yep. Yep.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Okay. This is you.

[Call It Crew]

Okay. A close friend of mine befriended this wretched girl and they threw a huge New Year's Eve party at a hotel and I wasn't invited, so I called the police and tattled on them and the party ended and they had to pay a fine. I'm weirdly okay with that.

[Jessica Capshaw]

That one. We support that one.

[Call It Crew]

I absolve you of this crime.

[Jessica Capshaw]

We support that one. Okay. The son of our CEO was forced on me to be an intern on my team. I came back from a meeting to him watching porn at his cubicle. I was so shocked. I just never said a word because it was so awkward. Ooh. I would have said a word about that.

[Call It Crew]

You would have. Hell yeah, but it would have had to be an anonymous letter. You're not marching into your CEO and saying, hey, your nephew Bob.

[Jessica Capshaw]

No, but you know what? I wouldn't call it HR anonymously. You would have said, yeah, I would have.

[Call It Crew]

Check on Bob.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Bob's been. Yeah, Bob's at the cubicle 4. Check on him right now.

[Call It Crew]

Yeah, right now.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Look at that search history.

[Call It Crew]

Okay, I'm a nurse, and while working on the. I'm a nurse, and while working in the icu, I had gas and.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Oh, my. Did you that I was gonna have.

[Call It Crew]

To read this one because it's my kryptonite and I can't talk about it without laughing uncontrollably.

[Jessica Capshaw]

I have to read it. No, this one was meant for you.

[Call It Crew]

I can't.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Just do it.

[Call It Crew]

Okay.

[Camille Luddington]

Wow.

[Call It Crew]

I'm a nurse, and while working in the icu, I had gas and blamed my farts on an intubated patient.

[Jessica Capshaw]

That is funny and terrible all at the same time.

[Call It Crew]

And also, there's something so radically wrong with, like, someone laying there intubated, but farts just coming out of them.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Call It Crew]

Guilty of talking about someone who was intubated because I want to know if they're okay now. Okay.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Oh, my God. Yes. Imagine if they died too, and you.

[Call It Crew]

You've like, spread a rumor about them not laughing.

[Jessica Capshaw]

My God. The colic crew are just. They're in fine form today. Oh, Lord.

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[Call It Crew]

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[Jessica Capshaw]

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[Jessica Capshaw]

I slept with my boss, befriended his wife and tutored his daughter. Not my finest moment. I love how it's considered just a moment.

[Call It Crew]

Yeah, it's a series of moments. Yeah. Anonymous I can say this pretty.

[Jessica Capshaw]

I'm not judging. However it does no I'm not judging.

[Call It Crew]

I'm calling it what it is.

[Jessica Capshaw]

What is it? A little hand that marks a cradle.

[Call It Crew]

It's not good. You don't.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Well, it's not great. It's not a great look.

[Call It Crew]

No, it's not. She. But I don't know if I. Why? I don't know why. I think it's. Whatever. No, this is not your finest moment. Glad you noticed.

[Jessica Capshaw]

No, no, no. I mean, you're not putting that on your resume, are you?

[Call It Crew]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. In Covid when we all had to work from home, I was one of those people who made a fake background photo of my home office and took my meetings. Even though I wasn't in the country, we had a strict must be home policy. And I said that I never got caught.

[Jessica Capshaw]

That's so smart.

[Call It Crew]

Yeah. Naughty. She's like, oh, my God, that beaches of Costa Rica.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Yeah, I think that's amazing. I love it. Okay, this is fine. I'm okay with this next one, actually. I licked all the powdered sugar off a box of donuts and put them back in the box and watched my brothers eat them all. Fine with it. Support it.

[Call It Crew]

Okay.

[Jessica Capshaw]

That's what you get for being a brother.

[Call It Crew]

Mm.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Mm.

[Call It Crew]

Yeah. Mm.

[Jessica Capshaw]

It is gross, though. It's gross.

[Call It Crew]

Do you remember a long time ago, wasn't there something around Ariana Grande licking donuts? Right. She got in trouble for that. It was on camera. She.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Yeah, but she.

[Call It Crew]

She went into a Dunkin Donuts or something and she licked some donuts. I'm sure she wishes she was anonymous then.

[Jessica Capshaw]

You know what? She's not doing that on the Wicked tour.

[Call It Crew]

No, she is not doing that. No. Oh, man.

[Jessica Capshaw]

No.

[Call It Crew]

She's really funny, by the way. On snl. She's been, like, hosting and she's funny. She does your favorite. She does Jennifer Coolidge. She has an impressive person.

[Jessica Capshaw]

She made a great impression on Jenna Coolidge. Yeah, no, she's very funny.

[Call It Crew]

Okay, this was years ago, but it's still a secret between my friends and I to this day. My mom and dad got divorced when I was 16, and just a few months after the divorce, my younger sister told me she had suspicions that my dad was cheating on his new girlfriend who had just moved in with him after one month of dating. Our single family friend mentioned she saw my dad on a dating app. So being the bored 17 year olds we were, my friend and I put on our detective hats and made a fake dating profile. No surprise here, but we found him within an hour of searching, and he messaged our account within 20 minutes and asked to go on a date. And for our number, we made sure to ask if he was in a relationship. And he said, no, I'm single.

[Jessica Capshaw]

I need to know more. Where did this go? Do you tell Daddy Doos that you've been on the app and you trapped him?

[Call It Crew]

Yeah. Wow.

[Jessica Capshaw]

I mean, who is to be trusted?

[Call It Crew]

I. I mean, I don't even see my sister and I doing something like this.

[Jessica Capshaw]

I support this one.

[Call It Crew]

I mean, I think it's dark humor, but it's humor.

[Jessica Capshaw]

This is why I love the crew, because they're just willing to tell us, even if it's like, you know what? This makes me kind of look crazy and terrible. And they still. Yeah, they give it. They give us the goods. Okay. When I first got married to my now husband, a happy birthday card arrived at the house from his ex girlfriend. I threw it in the trash and never told him. I. I'm fine with that. I'm fine with it. Except I think it might be illegal.

[Call It Crew]

Yeah, right.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Whatever.

[Call It Crew]

The mail thing. Open someone else's mail? Yep.

[Jessica Capshaw]

So how does she know it's from the girlfriend? Ex girlfriend.

[Call It Crew]

Well, there's a return address. No return address. You put your name and return address on things.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Yeah, that's okay. If it gets accidentally, you know, a little coffee spilled on it, and then you throw it away.

[Call It Crew]

Set fire, too.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Could be illegal, though. Look it up.

[Call It Crew]

All right. You know how if you shop at Nordstrom's rack, you can accumulate points and discounts? I still use my ex's number, email. And whenever I go, I take his 10 to 20 discount based off his purchases and use them for myself. Smart. Smart person.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Wow.

[Call It Crew]

Okay, so whether that was naughty or.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Nice, it's a lot of naughty. There's a lot. Listen, we're learning the Call it crew. There's a lot of people on Santa's naughty list this year.

[Call It Crew]

I know, I know. And that's okay.

[Jessica Capshaw]

We've all been on the naughty list.

[Call It Crew]

But hopefully this has unburdened you. And our calling it what it is has made you hope for a brighter, less criminal future. And we're happy to be. Be a part of that process for you. So that's really all I got for you. That's all. That's all I got for you. What can you say?

[Jessica Capshaw]

Listen, I. I honestly.

[Call It Crew]

Peace be with you.

[Jessica Capshaw]

It cracks me. Peace be with you. It cracks me up. It's okay. We're all on the naughty list. We're all going to end. Oh, gosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And. But I think that we keep saying this. I think we need to hear more.

[Call It Crew]

Yeah. I mean, it's the gift. I keep saying this. It really is the gift that keeps on giving.

[Jessica Capshaw]

For New Year's, we need people to unburden themselves more, I think right before New Year.

[Call It Crew]

Yes.

[Jessica Capshaw]

New Year's resolution.

[Call It Crew]

Sometimes I get great pleasure in. Cause again, these were all anonymous. I get great pleasure in imagining I have an active imagination. People who listen to this podcast, like on a run or sitting by the ocean or on their commute to work or whatever, all of a sudden hearing us read their submission.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Yeah, yeah. Being like, oh, oh, oh, yeah, it's me, it's me, it's me.

[Call It Crew]

It's happening, it's happening. I used to do that. I used to actually, I used to call into Kiss FM in Los Angeles, which is where Ryan Seacrest lives, and I would just hope to be have my voice on the radio.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Really?

[Call It Crew]

Yeah. You'd have a call in or you would like. Yeah, there'd be contests to win something or you'd call in with an embarrassing story or you know, that kind of thing and. Yeah, I definitely did that, Leo.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Yeah, I love that. Sure. Thank you guys for being so funny.

[Call It Crew]

The best. The best.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Yeah.

[Call It Crew]

Let's call it the end of the episode.

[Camille Luddington]

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[Jessica Capshaw]

Cheap Caribbean is celebrating more than just the new year in 2025. Cheap Caribbean Vacations is celebrating its 25th birthday too. You're invited to join in on the birthday fun and book a beach vacay with more savings.

[Call It Crew]

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[Jessica Capshaw]

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[Call It Crew]

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[Jessica Capshaw]

Get ready to move that bus. The beloved series Extreme Makeover Home Edition is making a triumphant return to kick off the new year. Join the makeover mavens Joanna Teplin and Clee Shearer as they hit the road on a mission to transform lives of deserving families. They have just four days to rally.

[Call It Crew]

Communities, demolish old homes and rebuild not.

[Jessica Capshaw]

Just houses, but lives. New episodes of Extreme Makeover Home edition Thursdays at 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream next day on Hulu.

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