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Episode: Call It Short & Sweet: Pushover Parenting, Tough Love, and FAFO!
Release Date: August 11, 2025

Overview

In this engaging episode of Call It What It Is, hosts Jessica Capshaw and Camilla Luddington delve into the nuanced world of parenting styles, specifically exploring the spectrum between pushover parenting, tough love, and the controversial FAFO ("Fuck Around and Find Out") approach. Joined by their co-host Matt, the trio shares personal anecdotes, debates the effectiveness of different disciplinary strategies, and offers insights into maintaining balance and patience in parenting.

Parenting Styles Explored

Gentle Parenting vs. FAFO

Jessica and Ashley (Camilla Luddington) initiate the discussion by contrasting gentle parenting with the FAFO approach. Gentle parenting emphasizes empathy, understanding, and nurturing, while FAFO leans towards setting firm boundaries and allowing children to experience the consequences of their actions.

• Jessica's Perspective:
  "I think we're 95% gentle parenting." [05:02]

• Ashley’s Insight:
  "I'm a sensitive parent, so if I get too groundy, I just feel bad if I'm too..." leading into her confession of leaning more towards gentle parenting despite the FAFO concept. [05:55]

Anecdotes and Real-Life Applications

The Hose Incident

Jessica recounts a moment where her child, Lucas, was being teased by his sibling, Hayden, who was slashing him with a hose. Instead of opting for traditional gentle responses, Jessica employed a sudden "splash tsunami" to shock Hayden into understanding the impact of her actions.

• "I decided I wasn't gonna be like, 'How does the slashing make your brother feel?' Instead, I did a little splash tsunami." [06:03]
• However, the outcome wasn't as intended, with Hayden reacting by labeling Jessica a bad mom.
  "She was more like, 'I can't believe you splashed me.'" [07:05]

Ashley's 19th Birthday Lesson

Ashley shares a pivotal experience from her late teens where her parents enforced consequences after she overindulged in alcohol on her birthday. Despite attempting subtle disciplinary measures, the situation escalated, teaching Ashley the importance of clear boundaries.

• "My dad took me on a golf trip, and I puked outside the window. He turned back and came home, and that was the lesson." [09:09]

Effectiveness of FAFO

The hosts discuss the potential and pitfalls of the FAFO approach, acknowledging that while it can be effective in certain scenarios, it may not always yield the desired results due to the complexities of children's emotions and behaviors.

• "FAFO didn't really work because instead of understanding, she sided against me." [07:40]
• "There are many scenarios and kids that FAFO will not work because there are so many more elements and feelings." [07:20]

Challenges in Gentle Parenting

Both Jessica and Ashley express the emotional toll of maintaining a gentle parenting style, highlighting feelings of guilt and exhaustion.

• "I just feel bad if I'm too [firm]. So much parent guilt." [05:10]
• Discussing the difficulties of balancing firmness with empathy, they recognize the importance of patience and self-care to sustain their parenting approach.

Navigating Family Dynamics During Summer

The conversation shifts to the practical challenges of parenting during summer, such as lack of structure and the absence of external childcare. Jessica and Ashley share humorous yet relatable stories about their children's toy naming disputes and conflicts at restaurants.

• Toy Naming Chaos:
  "Naming toys this summer has been explosive." [15:54]

• Restaurant Conflicts:
  "Before you even order, it's like you're putting out fires before you order." [16:47]

Maintaining Balance and Self-Care

Recognizing the importance of self-care, the hosts emphasize the necessity of taking breaks to prevent burnout and maintain a healthy family dynamic.

• "We've been trying to be more conscious... one of us leaves for an hour to go work out." [24:14]
• "Giving that hour to decompress is very important." [25:07]

Conclusion and Future Outlook

As the episode wraps up, Jessica and Ashley reflect on their current parenting strategies, contemplating whether to incorporate more FAFO techniques. While acknowledging the occasional success of FAFO, they express a preference for their predominantly gentle approach, tempered with occasional firm boundaries.

• "Are you going to be implementing in our family more FAFO? I don't think so." [25:42]

Notable Quotes

• "FAFO is the most opposite of gentle parenting." — Ashley [04:25]
• "I've got you's and urgent 'I'm coming overs'..." — Jessica [Description]
• "We throw out really good names like Taylee, Cutie, Flussy to defuse the fight." — Jessica [15:37]
• "Even when you're exhausted, it's hard not to be lenient." — Ashley [24:31]

Key Takeaways

• Balance is Crucial: Finding a middle ground between being overly lenient and too strict can lead to more effective parenting.

• Context Matters: The effectiveness of a parenting strategy like FAFO depends on the child's age, personality, and the specific situation.

• Self-Care is Non-Negotiable: Parents need to prioritize their own mental and emotional well-being to maintain patience and effectiveness in their parenting roles.

• Open Communication: Encouraging honest dialogue with children about their feelings and actions fosters understanding and respect.

Final Thoughts

Call It What It Is offers a heartfelt and honest exploration of the challenges and triumphs in modern parenting. Through personal stories and candid conversations, Jessica, Camilla, and Matt provide valuable perspectives for parents navigating the complex landscape of raising children in today's world.