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Call it what It Is with Jessica.
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Capshaw and Camille Ludington, an iHeartRadio podcast.
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Hello, hello, hello, hello, Call it crew. And welcome to another episode of Call it what It Is.
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We're gonna do an advice episode.
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A
Yeah. We've had these incredible interviews with people and we've recap the show and. But what it comes down to is the Call it community.
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B
Yeah. And the fact that we feel like can offer. Yeah. That we're unlicensed to advise, but we're going to do it anyways. And that we have, evidently better advice than other people might.
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A
And you can take it and you can leave it, but we're going to tell you what it is. Yeah.
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Come sit down on our couch.
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Tell us your problems.
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B
Tell us your problems. And by the way, but at least now everybody knows who we are so that they can really, you know, ask us what they would really like to ask us.
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A
Yeah. I feel like they've gotten to know us at this point.
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B
Yeah. It's been almost a year now. Maybe we've. We've laid enough ground, we've got enough miles on our tires that people could trust us.
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A
Yeah. Or do you think at this point they're also like, we can't ask them that.
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B
No.
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A
Like, do you know what I mean? Like, they would have a year ago, but they're like, not this one.
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What do you think she's going to say about this? Yeah, I don't know. I'm not sure. But we're just, you know, we're your crew and we're your. We're your sisters here. So we're just here to help.
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A
We got a ton of submissions, so let's just jump in so we can get to as many people as possible.
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B
Great. Well, here we go. So Jesse wrote in and said, do you have any advice for dealing with anxiety? And we talk about this a lot, you and I, Camilla.
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A
Yes, I do. I had a bunch of anxiety this weekend. And I will tell you one of the things that actually really helped me, and it might not help everybody, but I had to fly. I really hate flying. And I never fly with Matt without the kids. Like, that never happens. It's always like me going somewhere, him going somewhere for work, or it's a big family trip. So I was having so much anxiety because. Hello, there's been a lot of plane shit in the news, which is triggering for me. And I was at the airport and I was just not feeling good, but I knew that it was going to be a shit show for me, anxiety wise. So I text my therapist, number one, please go to therapist. I text my therapist and I said, I need an emergency sort of situation. Do you have any time? She got on with me and she said. She says this thing to me that really helped me, and she said, there's my. What's my business? Your business and God's business. And she's like, the plane landing, that's God's business. Your business is to get on a plane and sit in your seat. And it just actually really help me, like, the simplicity of, like, give you a job. Yes, it gave me a job, and it sort of gave me my. Like, I can't worry about this thing. That's God's business. So me being able to put some of these cat in some of these things that I worry about in categories helps me.
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B
Yeah, yeah, I agree with that. I also agree that there's been a lot of, you know, wild rides in planes lately and things happening. And, of course, that gives everybody more anxiety. I was recently on a flight where there's. There was such extreme turbulence that the woman next to me screamed as loud as she could and then proceeded to throw up everywhere. And I was like, okay, here we go.
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A
Like, turbulence doesn't scare you, though? Or did that one.
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B
I normally just think of it, like, it was described to me as you're in a boat, and the way that you feel. The chop of the water is the way that the air. The planes feel the trop of the air. So that makes sense to me. Anyways, in that moment, I was feeling some anxiety.
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Was it really that bad?
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It was really that bad. And I had one of my daughters with me. And it is really true that you just. You give them your best self and the don't worry look and go, it's your. It's all good. But I think that the advice piece of dealing with anxiety is something you and I have talked about, which is that anxiety is worry. And anxiety, you know, sort of mostly usually sits in the future. So I think I try to stay away from futurizing. Yeah, that's my. That's my word for it.
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Yes.
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That's actually my therapist's word for it. I've borrowed it, stolen it shamelessly, but it's futurizing. It's when I start getting in the future and playing it out, playing out things that haven't happened yet, I get into a little bit of trouble, and I definitely can work myself up.
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My therapist, by the way, calls this me telling myself stories. She's like, that's a story.
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B
Yeah.
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Told yourself.
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B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know yours has also said, like, what else could be true? Because that's just a story. And so what else could be true? The screensaver I sent you helps me, which is that often at times I think about all the things that could go wrong or not work out. And I have a screensaver that I have and I shared it with you and it simply says in front of a beautiful background, what if it all works out? And sometimes just reminding myself that my thoughts about it not working out are actually no bigger or more real than my thoughts about it working out. So why not choose the positive? The it's working out. What if it works out? What if it works out?
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A
I saw this thing that I thought was really interesting the other day. I was scrolling TikTok and this girl said, worry is manifesting worst case for the worst case scenario. So don't. You know what I mean? Like, it's putting so much energy into the bad thing.
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Yeah.
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And when you think about it that way, I was like, I got to stop doing that. Stop putting that energy into that bad story or the futurizing. I just liked it. I was like, yeah.
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B
And you have to be sort of ruthless with yourself.
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Yeah.
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Be very disciplined and stop it. And really say to yourself sometimes, like, cut it out. You like. And I will have the strong talking to myself and be like, stop it. I used to roll my eyes so hard when people would talk about breath work. I was like, yeah, yeah, sure. Breath. Breath work. Yeah, yeah. And I think that I was wrong. And I'm here to say that I think sometimes just. Just like your therapist gave you a job in thinking about a different. A different way to look at your flight. When you give yourself the job of just breathing, which is really elemental to survival, it helps you focus on what you need to do. Like, I just. I need to breathe and. And then I also. The other. My last tidbit, although I'm sure I have more, but we. We should get on with it. Is gratitude often gets me out of my worry. When I think about and name the things I'm thankful for. I almost always feel.
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Yeah.
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Lighter.
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Yeah. It's your body doing that hard right turn. Yeah, I'm sure.
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But I also really think that we all worry. And I think anxiety can sometimes make you feel lonely. But I really would love to tell everyone, you do not worry that you are all alone because there are. There are teams and armies and crews of warriors out there. Warrior. Warrior. Warriors.
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Yeah.
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I think that there's A. There's a good reason to come together and trying to help each other through it. But yeah, it's. It's real.
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It is real. All right. Deidra, I think I want another baby. How do you know when you are done? We've sort of answered this one before.
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We have, but I have a. I mean, I have a top of. I don't know why this just came to my mind, but I think that. I think it's because of all the stuff that's happening in the world with regards to the economy that I think of this and I'm just gonna be really, really practical. I never did, I never thought of it this way. And then I was like, actually this is a really salient point. How many can you afford? I mean, I, I wonder think about that kind of stuff. When you think about even before babies, I didn't understand how all the dollars and cents added up. And I thought, you know, I was, I was, I had endless amounts. That's not a finite resource. I got so much of that. But sometimes you really have to think about the kind of life that you want to have and the kind of life you want to have for your children. And sometimes that can actually help you come up with the number.
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A
Yes. And you know what made me stop? Well, for me it's not just like, how much can I afford? It's like, how much can my mental health afford? I am like my. I knew I had a certain amount. Like there's a, there's a number of kids where I would just be in bed all day. Yes. So I knew I didn't want to do that. But also for me, I. When you have a baby, for me personally, I'm not one of those people that you would ever see at the airport with like a newborn. I. Those people that are traveling the world with like a one year old. God bless you. It's not me. I feel like the clock starts again of like the travel clock starts again. So I did not want to spend another few years sort of hunkering down. I wanted to be able to go explore and travel well with my kids where I'm not having to really worry about the blackout curtains and the da da da da and I need the crib in the room and like all that stuff. Selfishly, I wanted to be free of it.
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B
Yeah. And by the way, if my very practical answer sounds like you really want the more emotional answer, I personally, with four children, didn't feel like I was done after three and after four, I felt like I was done So I would say trust yourself. If you, if you, I think you're going to know when you're done.
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Yeah.
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Trust yourself. Stephanie wrote in, how do you know when you've outgrown your job? When is it time to leave or ask for more money?
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A
Well, I love what Mel Robbins said, and she said something along the lines of about asking for more money. The, the biggest, the, the main component of getting a promotion is letting your work be known.
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B
Yeah.
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So I feel like once you've really proved yourself in a job and you've let your work be known, that's the time you'll know. We all know when we, when it's time to really go in. What happens is, is that we don't want to. Right. Because it feels tricky and icky and it feels like, ah, what if you.
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No one likes to talk about. Yeah.
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Some ruffling feathers and you're, you always.
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Want to be like, if the answer is no.
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Yeah, exactly. And then what does that mean for you? I think everyone has that. Their instinct. If you're killing it at your job. Yeah. You need to be compensated for that.
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Yeah.
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And time to move on, outgrow your job. I do think you instinctually know when that time comes too.
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B
Yeah. And then it just becomes a matter of very well, it was that it was your part of the conversation with Mel, which is like what you're, the practical side is do you need that job? And can. And also I guess the more practical side would be what are your options outside of your job and, and looking at those and being very educated about where you would go to next or what your, what your plan would be. I think you got to have a plan. I'm, I'm a plan person.
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You are a planner.
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Such a plan person. But I like a plan that would make me feel secure, is that if I felt like I'd outgrown my job, I would want a plan to figure out how, you know, where I was going to go to next or how much time I was going to take off or whatever that was. And then I think the money piece is, I do think that there's a way at this point in life and what I've done in certain situations is I do a little sleuthing, you do a little research. Yeah. You know, you come to understand how much people who do what you do, how, like what other people make that do what you do and then figure that out. That's, you know, you got to be ready for that because sometimes you can get some information that's not great. You know, but yeah, if you're ready for the answer, go find out how much someone doing your job is making.
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A
Exactly. Right. Fiona, I just got engaged. What advice can you give me from what you learned from your own wedding? Oh, I know. I already have a couple things on the top of my head.
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Do it. Go.
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I say put a time limit on your pictures.
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Yes.
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Because that can last forever. And then you're missing your own cocktail party. And the other advice I would give, I literally gave them like 30 minutes. I was like, you're done in 30. And then the other advice I would give is don't drink too much. Sometimes you're like mimosa ing before, you know, whatever you're pre gaming, like, as you're getting ready. And then I know people that have, like, at the end of their wedding bid, like, I didn't feel fully present.
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Yeah.
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When I was saying my vows. You want to, like, have fun later. Have fun later. But, like, just know your limit so that you're really present at the end of the aisle.
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Yes. I agree with both of those. Wholeheartedly. Be ruthless with your guest. Listen.
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Yeah, I agree, Jess.
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I think, yes, I had rules. I was like, I, I am not putting out my hand and shaking anyone's hand to meet them for the first time at my wedding. Like, I. You have to know the people at your wedding, which people get so, you know, they can get a little grumpy about plus ones and this, that, and the other. But I think, you know, you gotta really come up with, with your partner. You gotta come up with the rules. But I do, I think you should be very specific about who is there.
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100%. Yes, absolutely.
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Jenny said, I haven't dated in 10 years. I decided to be all in on my kids. And now I don't know where to start. I think she's not alone. I feel that this is something people talk about. I think that there are, there are, what do you call, message boards, group chats for this.
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Reddit. There are Reddit.
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Yes. There are Reddit threads for this.
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Well, listen, I, We've talked a little bit of shit on the fact that we, you know, people on dating apps aren't meeting in person organically. They're not having that meet cute story. However, do I think that still people can find their person that way? Yes. I would dip a little toe in that. Do some swiping.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And just see where it takes you. Also, it might be just be a good way for you to, like, get the first date over and done with.
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Yeah.
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Like back in the saddle, you know, I think that that's where you start.
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Oh, Jenny, I kind of. I want to be on your team.
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I want to.
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I want to sit there. I used to sit and swipe with my sister when she was dating. It's fun. It's fun. You got to gamify it.
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Yeah. I think it's a way to dip your toe back in. And, you know, I do. Here's one thing I actually really do like about dating sites like that is there's a list of, like, sort of like, here's who I am. And maybe as you're scrolling, you start to realize we are swiping. I mean, you start to realize, like, what you're maybe looking for.
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I think that if it's been 10 years of not doing anything, not only do what I go with, the dip a toe situation and approach, but I would also really try to make it fun. I don't know. You don't hear the most. Like, you don't hear people talk about how much fun dating is, you know, and so I. My guess is that you could definitely go into it, you know, with all sorts of preconceived notions that it was not going to be fun, but you don't know yet. So I'd say go into it and sort of, like, figure out what. What parts of it you find fun and then go from there. Maybe it's, you know, going to a new restaurant. Maybe it's.
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A
Yeah.
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Going horseback riding.
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A
Yeah.
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Or not.
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A
Also, I would say. Last thing I would say is, don't put a lot of pressure on yourself.
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B
Yeah.
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To be like, okay, I've got to find the guy. If you're. If you're, you know, like, just. Yeah, like. Yeah, exactly.
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B
They're out there waiting for you.
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A
Tiana said, do either of you have tips on dealing with grief? I mean, I could talk about this for a really long time. This isn't going to be this. What I'm going to say is not everyone's cup of tea. But this has really helped me. I think being really spiritually open helps you with grief. I think that if I really thought that the other side or whatever you want to think of it as, didn't exist, my grief would be a lot heavier. I think that I've been very open spiritually after my mom passed. And I see signs. I see all these. All those kind of things. All these confirmations of her still being with me have really helped my grief. I realize that that's not for everybody. That's just my experience. That's probably the number one thing that's helped me with grief.
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B
I think that that's beautiful. I agree. I think that grief is so personal. I think most people try to resist it. And I think that as I've experienced more of just life, it's been proven that I won't die of it, that I won't, you know, that I can lean into it a little bit more, that I can feel it. And sometimes I need to feel it in order for it to pass. Otherwise, it's just gonna come get me in a different way.
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A
That's so true. I've had that.
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B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm reminded of the, you know, the only way out is through, and you've gotta just feel the feelings and the sadness and the grief and the. And they're all really uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. And sometimes I think you do actually need to feel them alone. And sometimes I think you can ask for people to be with you in it or feel so that you feel supported, but I do think that you.
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You.
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You need to feel it and trust with a little bit, you know, every. Every. Every time you try, you'll build up more understanding that it will. Then pass. It. It. It will.
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A
Yeah. I agree. I love that, too. All right, Lexi. Ooh, this is a fun one.
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B
Yeah. I am crushing so hard on a colleague, but I don't want to make it awkward. Help. Oh, I don't know. I mean, I think that that's tricky, tricky, tricky. Dicky.
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A
As someone who married a colleague.
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B
No, we're calling him.
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A
A very serious colleague.
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B
Please. This is the time when you say where you found.
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A
Where you met him and where you were waiting. Colleagues. First off, we come from Grey's Anatomy. Everyone's banging their colleagues on that show. We're not the best people to ask. We're like, go in, Lean. Fully in. I need to know if you think this is being reciprocated, because if it's clearly not, then this is like.
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B
You gotta swallow the mission.
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A
Yes. And move desks.
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B
Yeah.
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A
If he's. If he's sort of, you know, lean. If you feel some vibes, maybe just, you know, maybe everyone goes out for a drink one night, and you just kind of see where it takes you.
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Lingering eye contact.
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A little lingering eye contact.
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B
Ooh, just like in the movies.
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I don't want Lexi to write us back, though, and, like, let us know. Lexi. We need to know more.
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B
Yeah. Yeah.
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A
You know, more in order to help.
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B
If we've helped at all.
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A
Yeah. Because if he's like, married with five kids, we're like Lexi. Okay. Danny.
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B
Oh.
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A
Danny said, how do you deal with insecurities, body, etc.
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B
Oh. I mean, I guess at what stage in my life.
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A
I know I was gonna say, like, I can let it go, which is always a good thing because I'm thinks.
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B
I could clearly work literally let it go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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A
I can literally just let it all go.
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B
When I was younger, I was not kind to myself. So if you want an honest answer, how I dealt with it was. I was mean to myself. I was, I was mean. And what I said to myself was not kind or supportive. And I made myself feel worse about it and I made it bigger than it was. And. And I dealt with it terribly. And I think that as I have matured, I am kinder to myself about my insecurities. And I think I have a greater understanding that everyone has them again. There's just so much power in knowing you're not alone. I mean, hence the. The concept of this conversation and what we hope to do with this podcast.
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A
Right?
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B
You're not alone. Everyone has insecurities. So I feel like, you know, how do you deal with them? I mean, how do you not. You're alive. Like, we all got something. And most the time, you know what? We were talking to Vanessa Lee about this. It's like most of the time, people don't see the thing that you're obsessing about, and so think about how much energy you're giving to something that someone else might not even notice at all. So then I think I just go, you know, what mind ever matter? This is silly. I'm not doing myself any favors. And if it's something that I could, you know, if I'm insecure about that I could work on that I think would be positive. Then I. I change it. And if it's something that I can't, then you gotta let go.
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A
I also think one thing that I. That I thought was actually really, like, touching in the interview we did with Vanessa is she said the first question that she asked somebody that people get emotional about is, what do you love about yourself? And I think that in those times of insecurity, maybe ask yourself, like, what do I love about myself? And it just like every time that you have that negative thought, because we're all going to have that, like, also ask yourself the opposite today. What do I love about myself? Actually, my hair is, like, kind of falling in a cool way today. And, you know, I would continue to do that.
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B
I Love that. Yeah, I love that. It's sort of on the same, in the same vein as constantly thinking it's not going to work out, it's not going to work out, it's not going to work out. And being reminded like, well, what if it does?
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A
What if it does? Exactly. Yeah.
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B
Okay. Jamie wrote in and said, what are your thoughts on sleeping in a separate bedroom than your partner? This has gotten some steam. This is kind of popular.
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A
Okay. Can I tell you something? So Matt and I just went to Vegas for one night. It was my friend's birthday. Somehow it all like, you know, these trips never come together. And it was a last meal. Like, hey, me and my husband are going to Vegas. Does anyone want to come? And everyone was last minute, managed to find people to watch their kids. And we went to Vegas one night when I booked that hotel room, I booked two queen beds and I told everybody, because there's nothing I love more than sleeping separate from my husband. He is, I. If I can feel him breathe on me, it's annoying. It is. If his foot touches my foot, it's like I want to chop his foot off. Like it's. So we spent one night together in a king bed on spring break. We went for like a couple of nights away and we were in a king bed together and I wanted to murder him in the morning. Like it was dad, you know this about you. Night. Yes. So in our. So in our bed at home, the king bed that we have, we have a king bed. Love it. It comes with two separate mattresses and so we have a separate match. So I can't feel if he wants to roll around all night, go have at it. I have two separate duvets. So if he wants a tug on a duvet, that's yours. So basically what I'm saying is, is I fully support separate bedrooms. We just don't have another one for me to sleep in. If it was, I would love it. I would do it. Because you know what, you can have, you can have your intimacy and then you can get your sleep in.
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B
Yeah, I love it. You bang on in one and you keep another one first for someone.
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A
Exactly.
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B
There's your sleeping bed and you're doing it. Bed.
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A
Yeah. So I have strong, I have a strong opinion on this. I love a separate bedroom.
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B
I love that.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Okay. Taylor, I am newly dating a man with an eight year old daughter. How long should I wait before meeting her? I feel like all what I'm either getting this from a movie or multiple movies or just have heard This, I think a year, right?
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A
I think a year is good. I think you meet her, I think if you're in any way on the fence about this relationship, you don't meet her.
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B
Yeah.
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A
I think if you're really in. And it's, it feels like it's really going in that direction, then I think that you can meet her. Oh, yes. Warms my heart. Okay. Natasha, my girlfriend of three years gave me an ultimatum. My career, military or her.
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B
Okay.
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A
All right.
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B
Well, I mean, I don't love the language because I we. An ultimatum feels like negative, but I think, I think I might need follow up questions because I think if, if your girlfriend says, I can't, I don't want to do this. This isn't the life that I want.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Then that's really like, you gotta, you gotta listen and if it's. And you can't live without it, then you gotta listen to that. Tough choices. Either way, it's hard.
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A
It's hard, right? Nobody wants to be given an ultimatum, but if someone's telling you exactly right, like I can't do this, then it's a make or break moment. It.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Oh, it just is what it is a little bit.
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B
Yeah. And you're still in a choice moment because that will not get any better. That's one of those things that time does not, you know, help you out with.
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A
So agree.
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B
It would only get worse. Devin wrote in and said, I need advice on how to come out to my super religious conservative Southern family. That's hard.
- [25:45]
A
I'm a little rip off the band 80. If you're, if you are making the decision to come out to them, I don't think the way you do it is going to change the outcome of how they feel about it.
- [25:56]
B
Yeah.
- [25:56]
A
And I think that it's less about how do I, I need advice on how to do it because I think it just is what it is. Right. Like this is me, this is my authentic self.
- [26:07]
B
I think, I don't think you need to ready yourself.
- [26:09]
A
Yes, that's what I was gonna say. I think it's more about you feeling okay with the outcome either way. So you prepare yourself.
- [26:18]
B
Right?
- [26:19]
A
Yes, exactly. It's about you and not them.
- [26:22]
B
Yeah. Because if you know what your truth is and who you are and, and, and, and you know, because you put in my super religious conservative Southern family, you know, that they might feel. Well, you know that they're going to have feelings about it, then you need to be really ready with yours and because yours matter more.
- [26:46]
A
Yeah, they do that's the truth. Yes.
- [26:48]
B
You're going to be on the right side of history and all things. So I'm. I'm with you. And. And. And I think, you know, I want to say, like, the optimistic side of me wants to say people surprise you.
- [27:04]
A
Yeah, that's what I was gonna say, too. You never know. You never know to prepare yourself for the never knowing.
- [27:10]
B
Yeah. But I. But my heart is with you because that's. That's a hard one. That's really hard. Yeah.
- [27:15]
A
There's a lot of people listening that probably are in that situation.
- [27:18]
B
Yeah.
- [27:32]
A
Cece says, I am 16 and want to pursue acting. Do you have any tips on how to get started?
- [27:40]
B
Oh, I do.
- [27:41]
A
I do, too. Okay, you go. What's your tip?
- [27:44]
B
Well, I have a daughter that's very interested in acting, and I was like.
- [27:50]
A
What do you do?
- [27:51]
B
Yeah, because I. I think I just straight up, you know, I mean, again, I was a little bit. Well, it's actually Poppy and Josie. They're actually both very interesting.
- [28:00]
A
Really?
- [28:00]
B
Yeah. It's very. I know. Very cool, I think. But I would tell myself stories in the mirror, and I would just. I'd conduct my own little acting classes. I'd like, you know, come up with the monologues, all that. But it turns out that you actually can do a little snooping around, and in almost every environment, community, not sure how close or how far. There are all these incredible little theater moments. And so we found two of them. One for Josie's age and one for Poppy's age. And you can really start with scene study. And, I mean, listen, I'm a big believer this was my path, but I think that I. I enjoyed it. You. You need to do the work first. You need to go to the classes first. You need to figure out, you know, where you sit in it and. And what people's feedback is and really be around people that you trust and ask them to be honest with you and, like, whatever. It sounds cheesy, but hone your craft, because it's definitely not worth it to just be famous. You don't want to get into a situation where you want to be, you know, you just want to be in that. In that light. You got to really, really, really love it. It's a lot.
- [29:09]
A
It is a lot. I. I've had this discussion because I don't think that Hayden wants to do acting, even though she's in a little. She's in a. She's in a little acting theater class right now. They're gonna do the Descendants. I'M doing it more because she's. She's with her friends and it builds confidence. But I agree with you. My journey was very much from a really young age, probably maybe eight, starting in theater. And I just think that that is the way to go. So if she did want to start acting, I would not want her to act as a child, to be honest, on TV or film, but I would fully support her doing theater. So I just think that, you know, theater is everywhere and that's the way to go.
- [29:56]
B
Yeah. Okay. Sandra says how to survive your late twenties. Single, unsure of my career path and just feeling lost.
- [30:05]
A
Sandra, you are. Everyone.
- [30:07]
B
Yes, you are.
- [30:09]
A
Yes. We talk about. We describe the 20s as being in the trenches, and it really is. I was. I didn't start dating Matt until I was 28 and I was broke most of my 20s. And your 20s are hard. They are unsure of a career path and just feeling lost. Okay, let's really think about this. Well, we've talked about this a little bit before, Jess, and we've talked about our dream boards manifesting.
- [30:41]
B
Yeah, the vision boards.
- [30:42]
A
The vision boards. I really do think that they help because I think that you get specific.
- [30:48]
B
About what you want.
- [30:49]
A
You have to get specific about what you want. And so when you're sitting with a big, giant white piece of paper and you're like, okay, what does my career look like? I'm going to make a picture of it, then you have to really think about it and start to. Yeah, just get specific. So I still think that's the way to go.
- [31:07]
B
Yep.
- [31:08]
A
These things are a journey, though. I also would say just don't put any pressure on yourself. It's okay that you're single. It's okay that you're unsure of your career path.
- [31:17]
B
Oh, I'm going to be a little contradictory. And not, not in the. Listen, do it.
- [31:22]
A
I love it.
- [31:23]
B
It's a push pull for me. I feel like pressure is looked at as a negative thing, and sometimes it's actually a very positive thing. You just have to know yourself and where you are because sometimes you actually need to put a little bit more pressure on yourself sometimes. I think I hear a lot of people, you know, maybe since the dating situations on phones now and everything else, like, think they're going to meet, you know, the person of their dreams while they're sitting on their couch, probably. I mean, maybe, but like, also maybe put. Put a little pressure on yourself to go make a plan with a friend, get out, like go do something. Or. Or if it's not. If Whatever is happening and you are feeling lost, try something different, like, what is it that you're doing? And then maybe do the opposite or do something different than the thing. You know, like, don't keep doing the same thing and expecting something different to happen. And at least it will shake up your algorithm a little bit and maybe even, you know, invite you to look at things in a different way. And maybe you'll see something that you didn't never even seen before, and then you can. On your vision board.
- [32:27]
A
I love that Eliana says, I love my husband a lot, but our sex life is so blah. How do I fix this?
- [32:37]
B
Oh, refer to one of our earlier episodes.
- [32:42]
A
Yes. Toys, toys. I'm gonna do it. I think. I mean, listen, I. I think that you gotta. So if you. Maybe you start with a conversation where you're like, listen, it's time to spice it up. Like, let's. Let's make things fun. Let me. Let's role play, because maybe you'll find out that you're super into something that you didn't know that you were into.
- [33:08]
B
Nikki Glaser was on the Goop podcast, and she was talking to Gwyneth about being very turned on by her boyfriend having sex with other women she watches. And I was like, well, I don't know. I actually didn't. I. I want to. I'm going to listen to the whole thing, but I. It was a snippet, so I don't know. I mean, listen, I think it kind of depends on how. How far you want to go.
- [33:32]
A
We're doing this storyline on Grey's Anatomy with Owen and Teddy, and it's not going well. Let's do one last one.
- [33:38]
B
Yel said, I caught my sister cheating on her boyfriend. I'm so lost. I don't know what to do.
- [33:45]
A
You're gonna do nothing.
- [33:46]
B
Yeah, you're gonna. What do you.
- [33:47]
A
What do you mean? You're gonna do absolutely nothing, and you're gonna say to your sister, dude, what the. And then you're gonna not mention it again.
- [33:57]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just gonna zip it. Zip it. Landon says, how important is height in a relationship? The guy I'm seeing is quite short, but a gem.
- [34:07]
A
Can I tell you something that just made me laugh a little bit? If I was ever referred to as a gem, that would have. That's it. She's already killed it. You're not into him. There was never a point where Matt and I were dating, and they're like, what's he like? And I'm like, he's a real gem. If I had said that, my girlfriends would have been like, why are you still together?
- [34:34]
B
My gosh. You know, it's true.
- [34:36]
A
Have you.
- [34:37]
B
I do think it's true.
- [34:38]
A
There's no heat to this.
- [34:40]
B
No, no, no, no. You.
- [34:41]
A
Clearly, for you, it's important. There's no. There's no heat to this gem. So clearly, for you, Landon, height is quite important.
- [34:52]
B
I think we should finish it there. But I can add to this that I. I gave it a shot. In my dating days, there was a guy who. I was a real gem.
- [35:03]
A
Yeah, he was a real gem. How short did you go?
- [35:07]
B
And he was very, very funny. Very funny? Yes.
- [35:12]
A
I mean, yes.
- [35:13]
B
Not radically short.
- [35:14]
A
Same height as you.
- [35:16]
B
A little bit ish. But, I mean, I liked to wear heels so often. Not as. Not. Not. He was shorter than me.
- [35:24]
A
Yes.
- [35:26]
B
And. And then I, you know, I kept sort of judging myself, so. Landon, I'm with you. I understand. I was judging myself for not being into it, and so I just kept being like, you know what? Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming and. So much fun. So funny. So great. Whatever. And then we had, like, a proper makeout session.
- [35:46]
A
And the breath you just took was so stressed.
- [35:49]
B
It was so. It was so stressful because I. It was. We were standing, and it's just the ratios were off, so. Landon, I guess I would ask yourself, like, it's. It's not about how important is height in the world or whatever. What's the feel like to you? How are the ratios? What's your stature? Yeah, And. And then. Yeah, that's. That's what I'd say. We got.
- [36:17]
A
That was so funny. We got to do. I. I miss this. Yeah, we're gonna do more of these. Send us more. And we didn't even get to get through everybody today, so we're gonna have to go back. But send us your. Send us your stuff.
- [36:33]
B
Yes, please. You've. Nothing. Nothing gives us greater pleasure than thinking that we can be of help and. Or that we know best. Yes.
- [36:43]
A
I think we can call it the end of the episode.