Calm Parenting Podcast Episode Summary Episode: 10 Ways to Get Your Husband On Board #475
Host: Kirk Martin
Release Date: May 2, 2025

Introduction to the Episode

In this insightful episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast, host Kirk Martin addresses a common and pressing concern among parents: how to engage husbands in adopting effective parenting strategies. Recognizing that many mothers often find themselves carrying the bulk of parenting responsibilities, Kirk aims to provide practical, actionable advice to foster collaboration and harmony within the family unit.

Understanding the Challenge

Kirk begins by empathizing with mothers who feel undermined by their husbands despite making concerted efforts to manage parenting effectively. "I know for a lot of moms and wives what they need most this Mother's Day," Kirk acknowledges, highlighting the emotional toll and the desire for mutual support in parenting roles.

Strategy 1: The Soft, Compassionate Approach [02:45 - 05:10]

Kirk emphasizes the importance of initiating conversations with compassion and understanding. Instead of confronting or criticizing, he suggests acknowledging the husband's good intentions while highlighting the lack of effective tools.

Kirk Martin [03:00]: "You're a good guy. You're a good husband. Your intentions are good. You just don't have tools."

By relating shared experiences, such as discussing how both partners were not taught modern relationship skills, mothers can create a bridge of empathy and encourage husbands to embrace new parenting methods without feeling judged.

Strategy 2: Invitations and Starting Small [05:11 - 07:20]

Introducing changes gradually can prevent overwhelming the husband. Kirk recommends inviting husbands to engage with specific resources, such as listening to a short podcast episode together.

Kirk Martin [06:00]: "I've listened to this guy's podcast, and I realize I let the kids get away with things too much... Could we listen to this together?"

This strategy fosters a collaborative environment where both partners can learn and grow together, making the process less daunting.

Strategy 3: Using Analogies that Resonate with Men [07:21 - 09:50]

Analogies can be powerful tools to convey complex ideas in relatable terms. Kirk suggests using parallels from areas where husbands excel, such as their professional roles.

Kirk Martin [08:30]: "We want the quarterback who walks into the huddle, takes a knee, and says, 'We're going to march down the field, execute our play.'"

By comparing effective parenting to leadership in sports or business, husbands can better understand the desired behavior in a familiar context.

Strategy 4: Relating Parenting to Workplace Behavior [09:51 - 11:30]

Kirk advises drawing direct comparisons between how husbands handle situations at work versus at home. Highlighting the inconsistency can motivate change.

Kirk Martin [10:15]: "At work, when an employee is having an issue, you don't start yelling... Instead, you show appreciation and guide them on improvement."

This approach not only underscores effective communication but also underscores the value of maintaining professionalism and calmness within the household.

Strategy 5: Acknowledging Intentions and Shared Responsibilities [11:31 - 13:00]

Recognizing each other's efforts fosters mutual respect. Kirk encourages mothers to express appreciation for what their husbands already do right, reinforcing positive behaviors.

Kirk Martin [12:45]: "Hey, I really like how you handle that. That was awesome."

Positive reinforcement can motivate husbands to continue engaging constructively in parenting.

Strategy 6: Addressing Coddling and Emotional Dynamics [13:01 - 15:09]

It's essential to communicate the impact of certain behaviors without assigning blame. Kirk suggests explaining how specific actions affect the mother's emotional well-being.

Kirk Martin [14:20]: "When you talk to me like that, it hurts me. It makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells."

By owning part of the conversation, mothers can create a safe space for open dialogue about emotional dynamics.

Strategy 7: Setting Specific, Time-Bound Changes [15:10 - 16:40]

Kirk advocates for establishing clear, actionable goals within a defined timeframe to facilitate manageable changes.

Kirk Martin [15:50]: "Honey, could we try this for the next week? Let's get very specific about what you want to change."

This method allows both partners to monitor progress and adjust strategies as needed without feeling overwhelmed.

Strategy 8: Combining Assertiveness with Support [16:41 - 18:05]

Assertive communication ensures that the mother's needs are clearly expressed while maintaining a supportive tone.

Kirk Martin [17:00]: "It would really mean a lot to me if you just listened to this one podcast."

This direct approach, coupled with the assurance of support, can encourage husbands to take proactive steps in parenting.

Strategy 9: Introducing Tough Talk When Appropriate [18:06 - 20:30]

In situations where softer approaches may not yield results, Kirk advises having honest and direct conversations about the consequences of continued behaviors.

Kirk Martin [19:15]: "We have three options here. We either listen to this podcast and work on this together, or we go to a therapist."

However, he cautions that this strategy should only be employed when the relationship is emotionally and psychologically safe.

Strategy 10: Highlighting the Importance of Connection and Intimacy [20:31 - 22:15]

Finally, Kirk underscores the significance of emotional bonds and how positive interactions with children can enhance marital intimacy.

Kirk Martin [21:10]: "When you de-escalate situations and connect with the kids, that makes me want you."

By demonstrating effective parenting, husbands not only improve their relationship with their children but also strengthen their marital connection.

Conclusion: Emphasizing Collaboration and Mutual Effort [22:16 - End]

Kirk wraps up the episode by reiterating the importance of teamwork in parenting. He encourages mothers to utilize the provided strategies, adapt them to their unique family dynamics, and continuously communicate their needs and appreciation.

Kirk Martin [21:50]: "Moms, dads, if you're listening, dads, you're good people. This is hard work and you're breaking generational patterns. Moms, try this."

He emphasizes that embracing these methods can lead to a more harmonious household, reduce stress, and foster a supportive environment for both parents and children.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Kirk Martin [03:00]: "You're a good guy. You're a good husband. Your intentions are good. You just don't have tools."
• Kirk Martin [06:00]: "Could we listen to this together?"
• Kirk Martin [08:30]: "We want the quarterback who walks into the huddle, takes a knee, and says, 'We're going to march down the field, execute our play.'"
• Kirk Martin [10:15]: "At work, when an employee is having an issue, you don't start yelling... Instead, you show appreciation and guide them on improvement."
• Kirk Martin [12:45]: "Hey, I really like how you handle that. That was awesome."
• Kirk Martin [14:20]: "When you talk to me like that, it hurts me. It makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells."
• Kirk Martin [15:50]: "Honey, could we try this for the next week? Let's get very specific about what you want to change."
• Kirk Martin [17:00]: "It would really mean a lot to me if you just listened to this one podcast."
• Kirk Martin [19:15]: "We have three options here. We either listen to this podcast and work on this together, or we go to a therapist."
• Kirk Martin [21:10]: "When you de-escalate situations and connect with the kids, that makes me want you."
• Kirk Martin [21:50]: "Moms, dads, if you're listening, dads, you're good people. This is hard work and you're breaking generational patterns. Moms, try this."

Final Thoughts

This episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast serves as a comprehensive guide for mothers seeking to engage their husbands more effectively in parenting. By blending empathy, strategic communication, and practical actions, Kirk Martin offers a roadmap to transforming family dynamics, reducing conflicts, and fostering a nurturing environment for children. Whether it's through compassionate conversations, relatable analogies, or setting clear expectations, these ten strategies provide valuable tools for any parent striving for a more harmonious household.