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So do you have a child who struggles with focus and inattention, is easily distracted, forgetful, maybe struggles with executive function, has trouble sitting still, fidgets a lot, is restless? Maybe you have a child who has impulse control issues and they talk a lot, they blurt out in class, or perhaps they're disorganized and time management is really difficult for them and they struggle with short term memory. And in many of your kids also, it's anxiety and sensory issues. Those are very common traits that many of our kids, whether you want to call them neurodivergent kids, kids with add, adhd, it's common struggles. So what I want in this episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast is to give you a couple dozen very practical tools to help these kids. So that's what we're going to talk about on today's episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast. So welcome. This is Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm. You can find us@celebrate calm.com One of the common questions we get all the time, and I want to answer it right here is, well, what do you think about Educate medication for our kids? And I just say it like this, like most of you, we would want to do that as a last resort. Why? Well, because of all the serious side effects, it changes how your kids feel sometimes it makes them lethargic, can definitely impact their appetites and a lot of other different side effects. But I look at it this way. If I were to go to the doctor and the doctor said, hey Kirk, you've got high cholesterol, I want to put you on this medication, I'd say, hey, wait, let what are all the different tools we could use first before we have to go to medication? And I'd want to start, I change my diet, I would get more exercise, reduce stress and then come back in three months or six months and say, hey, why don't we check my cholesterol again? And if those natural things I'm doing are working and helping, well I'll just keep doing them. If for some reason my body needed some extra help from medication, I'd want to take a low dose and I'd continue doing all of the diet, exercise, lowering stress, and just see if that worked. So I kind of do the same thing when we get to medication for our kids. And just so you know, where we come from, I mean, knock on wood, we're really lucky. The only medication I take is really Claritin, sometimes in the spring, when allergies get really bad if I need it. But I also reduce dairy, wheat and sugar because those are inflammatory. So, look, I'm not an absolutist on this. It's like, you should never give a child medication. I've done this for a long time. I've worked with almost a million families. I have worked with kids who benefited from some medicine, medication at a particular time. It was like giving them glasses to wear if they were having trouble seeing. Now, do I want them to be on medication forever? No. But I also don't want people to be judged for that because it can help. And different people have different family circumstances. So I don't want to judge other people with that. And I just want to look at it in a healthy kind of way. So this is the framework I would use if you are. If you have a child who has some of these symptoms, I would get a piece of paper, large piece of paper, and on the left side of the paper, I would write down all of their specific symptoms. Because one of the worst things we do is say, oh, my child has ADD or adhd. What will work for them? Well, that's so broad. There are all those things I mentioned at the beginning. It's like, well, what part of that is your child struggling with? Because what I want to do is bring very specific tools to bear on very specific symptoms or struggles. So on the sheet of paper that I have in front of me, I've written down, I kind of have this in five different blocks. That's arbitrary. It's just the way that I organized it. The first block of symptoms or struggles is focus and inattention, easily distracted executive function, following through on directions and forgetfulness. My second block is a child who struggles with sitting still, is fidgety, restless, maybe sensory issues. Third block is impulse control, talks a lot, blurts out. Fourth block would be disorganized time management, short term memory struggles. And then the fifth one is anxiety and sensory issues, because I know those are comorbid conditions, but they kind of fit with a lot of the kids that we work with. So now on the left hand side of the paper, I can identify the very specific things that my child struggles with. Now, along the top of the sheet of paper, what are all the different tools we can bring to bear to help this child be successful and help overcome some of these struggles? So I've got diet, exercise, sensory exercises and pressure. Parents learning self control and creating a good environment for the kids, proactively stimulating the brain, creating order, limiting, eliminating unknowns, teaching kids new skills. And all the way at the right side of the top of the paper, I have medication as kind of the last resort. So let me start going through each of this. This will not be comprehensive because the podcast, I try to keep it to 25 minutes and this would take two hours if I did it all. But let me give you some ideas. So first, one of the first tools I would bring to bear is I change the child's diet. So I'm going to, you know this already, but I'm going to try to eliminate food dyes and preservatives and processed and eliminate sugar as much as possible and get more protein and healthy foods. And I know this is hard because many of your kids struggle with anxiety and so their stomachs are upset a lot, so they seek simple carbs. A lot of your kids are going to eat, only going to eat chicken nuggets and Mac and cheese and simple carbs and breads and pizza. I get that. But just think, if your child's gut doesn't feel good, their stomach doesn't feel good. Well, that causes all of us to be irritable and then that causes us to act out. That will always. That will also cause a child to struggle with focus and attention because my stomach doesn't feel good. So work on diet, exercise. Look, I'm going to be tough in some of these things with you because here's the deal. You are just going to have to change the, your family culture. And I know you're tired after work, but you have to get out and get these kids moving. And they're not going to want to. So you're going to have to lead them. They will follow you if you don't try to convince them and you get outside and you make it fun. I would encourage you as much as possible before school, get some sensory exercise. And you've heard me talk about, you know, hiding things, a treasure hunt for little kids in the morning to get them up. And whether it's hiding something they have to go find in the basement or outside I love creating an obstacle course in your basement or backyard. Something your kids have to crawl through, crawl over, climb under, swing on things, pushing, pulling things, really effective. But if you can get some of those sensory needs met before school, it's very settling for your kids. And then after school, rock climbing, martial arts, swimming, hockey. Some of your kids like to spin a lot. It's really, really helpful to do those things. Okay, now parents, we talk about this all the time. You learning to get control of your own emotions will have a big impact. Practicing impulse control in your own life and practicing it with your kids with their screens and with practical things every day can make a big difference. Having, having an orderly home and some routine, super helpful. That calm response so you can play a part in that. What you prioritize in life will be extremely important. And this is up to you. Look, a lot of these things that we kind of get on kids about, I believe are very arbitrary. Like even I, one of my, I hate the fact that we call it hyperactivity because when you put kids with a lot of energy in the right atmosphere, all of that energy is extremely advantageous. Advantageous. But sometimes it's like, well, they're hyperactive because they can't sit still in a chair for seven hours during school. Well, to me that's an arbitrary standard because after you get out of school, it's not a life skill. You don't ever have to sit still for seven hours a day. And they get jobs where they, they're, they're moving. So I don't worry about that one so much. What about. Well, they struggle to focus on in subjects they don't care about? Well, that's the way the brain is supposed to work. You're supposed to be, you're supposed to focus on certain things. And many of our kids are specialists. I have an old, my oldest brother is a specialist. He was the world's foremost expert in his field. And so the idea that you're supposed to do your best with every different subject, I don't believe in that. Because virtually nobody does their best at everything we prioritize. And I would rather you, despite all of this discussion, which is about helping relieve, alleviate many of our kids symptoms, I would really rather you focus 80% of your energy on cultivating your child's strengths, their gifts, talents and passions. One of the mistakes we make is trying to fix everything that we think needs to be fixed. And a lot of it doesn't. It's arbitrary. And when we're too busy trying to fix everything we're not cultivating their strengths, which is what they're going to spend their life doing anyway. I like having conversations with kids. It's what we talked to Casey about is look, look, you're going to struggle in school sometimes because you struggle with short term memory. It's just one of your weaknesses. And so memorizing information for tests, it's going to be harder for you and so school is going to be harder for you. It's like a child with dyslexia. School is going to be very hard and taxing for those kids. And so you have to provide a lot of decompression time. But then I would tell Casey, but here's one of your See, for every corresponding weakness, there's a corresponding strength. And you're great at strategic thinking and you are very. That's why you're so good at arguing and putting together Legos and seeing patterns and things. All of those things are and critical thinking skills. Those are going to benefit you in life. See, that's really helpful to bring that kind of perspective because then you start to view your child differently. Reducing Unknowns One of our favorite things was on Sunday night we would talk about the coming week schedule because your kids aren't great when you change plans on them at the last minute. So we'd say, hey, I know usually on Wednesday you do X, but this Wednesday you have a doctor's appointment. We always had a whiteboard in the kitchen. It's great because you have multiple kids and they can visually see what's going on that week. So that's those are a few issues. What I want to get into now are the big ones that you can do to help your kids in these situations. So are you missing someone this holiday season and want them to be part of your get togethers from afar? Do the grandparents or loved ones live far away but wish they could be close to you? We've got the perfect gift for you. Skylight Frame is the touchscreen digital photo frame your whole family will love. You can upload thousands of photos with your phone and watch them appear in seconds. It's easy to use. 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All those things that our kids do, those are stimulating their brains. And so what do what do medications usually do? Well, usually they are stimulants. So what I'd rather do at first is say what are all the things that I could teach my child to do that will stimulate his or her brain to help them with focus and attention? So I'm just going to rattle through a bunch of things here. So in the classroom I can put a sensory strip underneath the child's desk. I've done this one before, shown it before, but it's double sided tape with some different textures on it and I tape it underneath the child's desk. Why? Because research and science say that when kids rub textured objects, it improves concentration during homework time in school, motion and rhythm extremely helpful. That's why I like kids doing their homework, standing at the kitchen counter, listening to intense music, chewing on gum or a snack in school, sometimes chewing on something. That's why your kids chew on the tassels of their hoodie sweatshirt. Making things a challenge. That's why your look, your kids like to do things the hard way. It's partly because that stimulates their brain. So we had these camp kids at our house. It was always a challenge. Hey, bet you can't sweep the floor with the broom behind your back and between your legs. But you can't do this chore blindfolded or backwards. So I make it more difficult because that is what motivating and motivating a child, that internal motivation, man, you get a lot of blood flow from that ownership, giving them ownership over how they do it. Here's a weird one. Stimulating the olfactory senses. Why do some of us like working out at a Panera Bread or a coffee shop? I don't drink coffee. But you know what it is? It's the smells do it. So sometimes during homework, light a candle with a certain smell. Or sometimes the kids will do their homework while you're cooking because that is stimulating the olfactory senses. You can try this. Look, the hyper part of what I want to teach kids in all of these things is I want to teach them how their brains work, that there's nothing wrong with their brains, but that they have really good brains and they actually have the ability to hyper focus when they're interested in things. And so I would encourage you teach your kids this and then observe your kids notice what you're doing. How many of you have kids who will rock back on the legs of the chair? Well, why are they doing that? Well, it brings good sensory pressure on their backs and on their legs. There's also brain stimulation because when I'm rocking back in my chair, there's a chance I could fall back and crack my head open. And so there's the challenge. And so some of our kids, they like lying upside down off the sofa. Again, they're getting blood flow to the brain when they're doing that. So walk in the room and say, but you can't do your math homework upside down. Some of your kids are spinning. So do review vocabulary words and math facts while kids are spinning, while they're doing jump ropes, swinging while you're kicking a ball back and forth while they're jumping on a trampoline. You've heard me talk about replacing the table of death with a fort. That they do their homework underneath the table in a closet. You can ask them questions and quiz them while they're tossing a ball in the air. There's so many different things you can do for these Kids. So number two, kids who struggle with sitting still, they're fidgety, restless, some sensory issues in the classroom. I have classrooms where kids are allowed to sit on an exercise ball and you can do all kinds of exercises in the class. I've talked about doing the refilling. So I'm a teacher and I know a child needs is struggling to sit still. I have a pre planned routine with that child. I may give them a secret signal and that means, hey, you've got to come up, grab my water bottle, take the back room, refill it, sit down. I gave the child 23 seconds to move in my class with a very specific job and I get got to give them a fist bump because they're good at completing those jobs. We've talked about the sensory strip. How about this one? I have a backpack in the back of the room, a red backpack with heavy books. And at some point during the class they say, oh, I need your help. Could you take that red backpack next door to Ms. Johnson's class because she's got a blue backpack with things. I don't know if you're going to be able to carry it because it's kind of heavy. Our kids love that challenge. Carrying heavy bags, really good for shoulder stability and the writing process. So I'm using a lot of these things. Here's another chair push ups so I can do this. I just did training for some teachers in Alexandria, Virginia and we talked about do this in the beginning of class or middle of the class and you get your kids to say, hey, I bet you guys can't do 10 chair push ups. So you put your palms down by your sides on the chair and then lift up. Simon says games are fantastic for this. Simon says touch your left knee with your right hand. What are you doing? You're moving across the midline of your body is cross brain stimulation. Simon says squeeze your elbows really tightly. Now I'm getting sensory pressure. There's so many things we can do with this. Moms and dads number three, impulse control talks, blurts out. Normalize this. They're supposed to be impulsive. Why? They're kids. But remember to practice the impulse control things that we've taught you with screens. With turning their screens off two minutes early in order to get an extra 10 minutes the next day. We've talked about that talk Ticket ID in class. Look up some of the past podcasts where we've gone through tools for teachers. I did one in mid August on that one. Really effective disorganized time management Issues. Look, here's a big deal. You are not going to get these kids to manage their time. That is a very neurotypical approach. But neurodivergent kids and people like me, we work on energy. It's about managing our energy and with momentum, about doing homework at times in schoolwork. Our son, we used to do it at the hockey rink when he got off the ice. Why? Because his endorphins were flowing and he was. And he loved being there. And we do it at certain times of the day with older kids. I take them out at night and we do our work out at Buffalo wild wings at 9 or 10 o'clock on a school night. Why? Sometimes that's really. It just really helps with organization things. Taking a video of the room, of how to organize the room, because that's very visual. Putting music on while you do it. I mentioned the whiteboard. I'm painting images in the brain. Kids tend to remember things better when you paint an image, when the brain. So when I used to talk to Casey to get him to do a couple tasks, I say, hey, picture putting these three things in the back of a Lamborghini because he was really into cars and he remembered that some of you have kids who will do their homework but forget to turn it in. So instead we make a deal with the teacher. Child comes home, does their schoolwork, they take a picture of it on the phone and then you can email it to the teacher. There are a lot of practical things to do with anxiety. I've been through that in a ton of podcasts. We normalize anxiety, we give kids missions to do. And the whole idea is I want to bring to bear. It's been about 19 minutes, I think. I've tried to fit in like 25 different ideas here. We can do all of these things first with the teachers at home. And then what we do is say, okay, I have about 12 different things listed down here that my child was struggling with. Hey, diet is helping with that one. Exercise seems to be helping with. Getting that sensory exercise in the morning before school seems to help him sitting still and teachers giving him a job to do, hey, that's a whole lot better. And we go down the list. And then if there are still some things where your child is really struggling, if you want to go back to this doctor or psychiatrist and say, hey, I've been doing all these tools here, we're still struggling with this. What else could we do? If you needed to go to medication, at least now it's very, very specific. Instead of saying, well, we just medicated our child because he has adhd. Well, that's just way too broad for me. And now you can measure the effectiveness of the medication. Is it actually helping in this area? And I'm. And I like that approach. What I believe is that for many of your kids, if we bring enough tools to bear, we won't need the medication. And I will share something with you which you may be horrified by. But it's interesting. There was a time when Casey was in second grade when the school kept pressuring us, hey, you need to put them on education. Put them on or medication. Medication. And so I sent them a note one day, and I said, hey, I just wanted to let you know we put Casey on medication. The psychiatrist said it may take a few days for it to kick in. Now, the truth is, we hadn't put him on medication. But here's what's really interesting. It changed. It had a placebo effect, not on our son, but on the school and how they viewed him. And they started being more patient with him. Now, I'm not saying this is right or wrong. You can judge me if you want, but it worked really well. Because then when we went in, they were so much more willing to help because they thought he was on medication. And they started saying, yeah, we're noticing a difference. Nothing had changed but how we. How they had viewed our child. And they started working with us on some of these other accommodations. I would encourage you. Here's my bigger point in all of this. I always want to give kids tolls. I want to teach your kids that there's nothing wrong with their brains. That in many, many, many situations, especially in the adult world, this kind of brain is advantageous. That ability to hyper focus, man, that is huge. The ability to see patterns and things critical. Look, companies don't pay a lot of money for people just to follow directions. They pay people a lot of money. For what? To have good critical thinking skills. Those who are willing to take some risk and those who are leaders. I really, more than anything else, want you to teach your kids how their brains work and spend 80% of your energy cultivating their gifts, talents, and passions, because that's what will change their life. Look, and I'll say this honestly, we have a program. It's called ADHD University. It's part of the whole package. Back in the day, when that first came out, we charged $495 for that program. Why? Because it was way cheaper than testing, way more effective, and gives you dozens and dozens of Tools. I've only hit a small portion of what we go through in that program. So it was worth a lot and now it's one of 14 programs in the get everything package. Just that program alone is worth what you would pay. So I encourage you with this. Two things. Go to celebratecalm.com we have a big sale going on now where you get it for half price. If you need help financially, then you email Casey and we will help you. But I think it is critical that you go through that program so you understand how your kids brains work. And I'd love for you to have conversations with your kids about it and even let them listen to it. Let them listen to Casey's kids program and the strong willed child program so they understand themselves. It's a really cool thing. So this week I know I fit a lot in there. Take a few of these tools and then let's start implementing them into your daily life. I've done some podcasts back in mid August on homework on for teachers and then in the past I've done a lot for teachers. Let's see if we can start implementing some of these things and making progress. Praise your kids as they begin making progress in different areas. Say, that was really cool, man. You usually struggle with that, but man, you're really doing that well. Ask your kids, how do you want to do your homework differently? Look, I've had kids, I want to teach them to go into class and say, hey, Mr. And Mrs. Teacher, I know I struggle in this area. Would you mind if I sat under my desk and did my work? Because I can focus much better when I'm just down there under myself. I promise I won't play with anybody's feet. I'm not going to distract anybody. I want your kids to learn how to be assertive about what they need. Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Teacher, look, I do struggle in about halfway through class. I just, my body feels like it just needs to move. Is there some kind of movement I could take halfway into class? If I gave you a little signal, Could I go and refill my water bottle or yours? Or could I move that heavy backpack next door to Ms. Johnson's class? Teach your kids this. That is extremely valuable for their entire lives. And I'll just finish with this. Our son is 31. He knows all this about himself. He, he works his day around this. He knows how to manage his energy, not his time. And he uses so much of this. I just worked with him today, actually. I met him at a local coffee shop after the gym because he knows after the gym, I do my best thinking work. So when your kids understand that their brains are good, that there's nothing wrong with them, and here's how it works best, it's kind of like an engine. It's like, here's the best oil and here's the best gas for your engine to work. That's what I want to teach them. Okay. Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing the podcast. We can help you in any way. Let us know. Okay, Love you all. Bye.