Calm Parenting Podcast Episode #485: Anxiety Over New Activities, Summer Camp, Moving, School & More

Host: Kirk Martin, Founder of Celebrate Calm
Release Date: June 1, 2025

Introduction to Childhood Anxiety

In Episode #485 of the Calm Parenting Podcast, Kirk Martin delves deep into the pervasive issue of anxiety in children, especially as they face new activities, summer camps, moves, and the upcoming school year. Recognizing that many children today grapple with various forms of anxiety, Kirk aims to equip parents with actionable strategies to support their kids effectively.

Understanding the Root Causes of Resistance

Kirk begins by exploring why children exhibit resistance to new experiences. He explains that anxiety in children often stems from a combination of factors:

• Busy Minds: "We have kids with very busy brains. It feels like thoughts and ideas and emotions are tumbling around like socks in a dryer" (03:45).
• Sensitivity to Reactions: Some children are highly sensitive to how others perceive them, leading to fears of rejection or embarrassment.
• Need for Control: When children feel that many aspects of their lives are unpredictable, they may attempt to control situations or others to regain a sense of stability. This manifests as bossiness, insistence on routines (like wearing the same hoodie), or avoiding new foods.

Kirk emphasizes that these behaviors are not signs of defiance but rather manifestations of deeper anxieties. "Anxiety is caused by unknowns, things you cannot control," he states, highlighting the physical symptoms such as upset stomachs that often accompany anxious feelings.

Personal Anecdotes and Lessons Learned

Sharing his personal experiences with his son Casey, Kirk illustrates the challenges parents face when dealing with anxious children. He recounts attempts to coerce Casey into attending a taekwondo class through bribes and threats, which only exacerbated the situation:

"I would respond first with a useless bribe. Hey, if we leave right now, we can stop at McDonald's and get a Happy Meal. That way we'll all be happy. That doesn't work." (07:50)

Kirk candidly discusses the flaws in the "love and logic" approach, which assumes rational decision-making from children who are, in the throes of anxiety. He explains how traditional punishment methods often fail to address the underlying issues, leading to strained relationships and increased resistance.

Effective Strategies to Address Childhood Anxiety

1. Normalize Anxiety

Kirk underscores the importance of acknowledging and normalizing anxiety rather than dismissing it. By validating their feelings, parents can help children feel understood and less isolated in their struggles.

"Say that, 'Of course your stomach is a little upset. You should be anxious. You're going to a new place you've never been...'" (09:15)

By sharing his own experiences with anxiety, such as feeling nervous before giving a presentation, Kirk models acceptance and coping, reinforcing that anxiety is a natural and manageable emotion.

2. Assign Missions to Foster Control

Providing children with specific roles or missions can empower them and redirect their focus away from anxiety. Kirk suggests:

• Vacation Missions: Letting children plan aspects of the trip, such as finding local restaurants or activities, gives them ownership and a sense of control.
• School Preparation: Visiting the new school during the summer to familiarize them with the environment and assigning them tasks like helping a teacher can ease the transition.

"Always ask the adult in charge... to give your child a specific mission or job to do." (11:30)

This approach not only reduces anxiety by creating familiarity but also builds confidence as children succeed in their assigned roles.

3. Create Familiarity Beforehand

Introducing children to new environments before they officially begin can mitigate anxiety. For instance, taking them to visit their new summer camp a few days in advance allows them to acclimate without pressure.

"Let your kids listen to this podcast so they understand themselves better and they feel understood." (14:10)

Kirk emphasizes gradual exposure as a key technique to help children adjust comfortably to new settings.

Teaching Lifelong Coping Skills

Beyond immediate strategies, Kirk highlights the importance of equipping children with tools to manage anxiety throughout their lives. Encouraging activities like exercise, creative tasks, and mission-based responsibilities not only address current anxieties but also foster resilience and adaptability.

"Now I can know, well, this is normal. This is part of the anxiety... It also can make them very, very creative." (13:05)

By understanding their anxiety, children can learn to navigate challenges effectively, transforming their sensitivity into strengths such as creativity and persuasive abilities.

Success Story: Empowering Aiden

Kirk shares an inspiring story about Aiden, a 10-year-old from Kansas City, who proactively addressed his anxiety by leveraging his strengths:

"Aiden actually approached his scout leader on his own and said, 'I get a little nervous, but I'm really good at tying knots and rock climbing. Could I help teach other kids how to do this?'" (12:50)

Aiden's initiative not only alleviated his own anxiety but also empowered him to support his peers, demonstrating the profound impact of the strategies Kirk advocates.

Conclusion: Building Trust and Understanding

Kirk concludes by urging parents to adopt a calm and understanding approach, viewing resistance not as defiance but as a cry for help. By scaling back reactions and focusing on teaching rather than punishing, parents can strengthen their relationships with their children and provide invaluable support in managing anxiety.

"Discipline means to teach, not punish." (14:45)

Through patience, empathy, and strategic interventions, parents can help their children navigate the complexities of anxiety, fostering healthier, more resilient individuals.

Key Takeaways

• Recognize Anxiety as a Valid Emotion: Understanding that anxiety is a natural response to uncertainty helps in addressing it effectively.
• Empower Through Missions: Assigning roles or tasks gives children a sense of control and purpose, reducing anxiety.
• Gradual Exposure to New Environments: Familiarizing children with new settings ahead of time eases the transition and builds confidence.
• Teach Lifelong Coping Mechanisms: Equipping children with tools to manage anxiety ensures they are prepared for future challenges.
• Build Trust and Open Communication: Viewing resistance as a sign of anxiety rather than defiance fosters stronger parent-child relationships.

Notable Quotes

• “Anxiety is caused by unknowns, things you cannot control.” (03:45)
• “Anxiety lives in the stomach.” (14:20)
• “Discipline means to teach, not punish.” (14:45)

For parents seeking to understand and support their anxious children better, Kirk Martin's insights offer a compassionate and practical roadmap to fostering calm and resilience in the face of life's uncertainties.