Calm Parenting Podcast: Episode #557

Faster Mornings & Smoother Transitions: 10 Ways to Get Kids Unstuck
Host: Kirk Martin
Date: January 28, 2026

Episode Overview

Kirk Martin tackles the everyday battle many parents face: getting strong-willed kids moving in the morning and navigating tough transitions throughout the day. Drawing from real-life experiences with his own son and thousands of families, Kirk offers practical, compassionate, and occasionally tough-love strategies to stop power struggles, reduce anxiety, and make mornings smoother for both parents and kids. The episode is packed with actionable tools, memorable anecdotes, and signature humor.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Controlling Your Own Anxiety

Timestamp: 00:47

• Parents’ anxiety can trigger morning power struggles; children often react not to the authority, but to the anxiety behind it.
  • "Kids aren't rejecting your authority, they're rejecting your anxiety." (Kirk, 01:14)
• Take a moment before waking kids to adjust your own attitude and tone.

2. Connection Over Compliance

Timestamp: 02:14

• Start mornings with genuine compliments—notice strengths, not fake praise.
• Ask kids opinions about things they care about to engage them cooperatively.
  • "Hey, if you get ready, come downstairs. I'd love to hear your opinion on X, because our kids are often very opinionated." (Kirk, 03:16)
• Respect some kids’ need for quiet in the morning.
• Be curious about their world and interests, even if it doesn’t align with your own.

3. Using Interesting Time Limits

Timestamp: 06:44

• Use unusual, memorable time boundaries (e.g., "We leave at 7:21am").
• Incentivize readiness with quality time based on their interests.
  • "If you're ready by 7:14, I'll give you seven minutes of undivided attention. You can show me some TikTok videos...things I hate more than anything else in the world." (Kirk, 07:24)

4. Addressing the Root Cause: Anxiety & School Resistance

Timestamp: 08:10

• Name and validate underlying anxieties about school or transitions; never try to convince them out of their feelings.
  • "Of course your stomach's a little bit upset. You're going to this place...sometimes you're bored, you don't always get along with kids." (Kirk, 09:25)
• Collaborate with teachers to give kids a sense of purpose (a ‘job’) upon arrival, easing transition stress.

5. The 'Tough Approach'—Clear Expectations and Consequences

Timestamp: 12:13

• Sometimes, respecting your child means holding them to high standards with matter-of-fact consequences.
  • Example: For every minute late leaving for school, Kirk’s son forfeited ten minutes of screen time.
  • "My time is very important and everything doesn't have to be catered to the strong-willed child." (Kirk, 14:45)
• Follow through with consistency, even if the child is frustrated or angry.
  • "I promise you that if you are three minutes late, you will forfeit thirty minutes of your time...That's personal integrity." (Kirk, 19:28)

6. Giving Kids Tools for Success

Timestamp: 20:44

• Instead of always focusing on consequences, empower kids with tools:
  • Morning treasure hunts (hide breakfast or objects for fun)
  • Obstacle courses for sensory engagement
  • Challenge notes: "I don't know if you're strong enough to move this mulch…"
  • Adult-style jobs (make coffee, prepare breakfast)
  • "A lot of times what's happening with strong willed kids is you're trying to get them to be more like you or their siblings... Work with their strengths." (Kirk, 24:50)
• Affirm their efforts and successes, even small ones.

7. Breaking Generational Patterns

Timestamp: 25:41

• Share of a mom’s story: her son listens to the podcast and finds it helpful and funny—a sign that change is possible and valuable.
  • "Thanks for helping families who want to break these generational patterns. That's your life's work." (Listener email, quoted by Kirk at 25:50)
• Encourage parents to include kids in listening and discussing strategies.

8. Ownership within Boundaries

Timestamp: 28:11

• Give children ownership over how they get ready, as long as they meet the one key requirement (e.g., ready by 7:21).
  • "If you are smart enough to wear the clothes to bed that you are going to wear to school the next morning, that's brilliant...I don't care how you get it done." (Kirk, 28:45)
• Emphasize letting go of micro-managing the “right” way to do things, and instead affirming progress.
  • "The more you care about something, the more they will reject it." (Kirk, 30:29)

9. Affirm Progress, Not Perfection

Timestamp: 32:01

• Celebrate effort and success in making the bus, not the messiness of the process.
  • "If you come to them and just say, like, fist bump, 'Hey, nice job making the bus this morning,' but inside you're like, that was horrible, it’s a train wreck." (Kirk, 32:22)
• With consistency, kids often start adopting better practices over time.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Kids aren't rejecting your authority, they're rejecting your anxiety." (01:14 – Kirk Martin)
• "If you are smart enough to wear the clothes to bed you're going to wear to school the next morning, that's brilliant." (28:45 – Kirk Martin)
• "My time is very important, and everything doesn't have to be catered to the strong-willed child." (14:45 – Kirk Martin)
• "The more you care about something, the more that they will reject it." (30:29 – Kirk Martin)
• Listener child: "Yeah, he helps me and he's kind of really funny." (Listener email, 26:08)

Practical Takeaways

• Control your own emotional state each morning; kids are sensitive to it.
• Connect authentically—notice real strengths and share genuine compliments.
• Be curious and respect your child’s interests, even if they’re different from your own.
• Set specific, unusual time limits to help kids focus on transitions.
• Validate kids’ anxieties and collaborate with school staff for easier transitions.
• When necessary, use firm, clear consequences—but always follow through calmly and without emotional escalation.
• Empower kids with tools and routines that suit their natural strengths and preferences.
• Give kids as much ownership as possible within clear boundaries.
• Affirm effort and progress; avoid perfectionism.
• Involve kids in conversations about what routines and strategies work for them.

Important Timestamps

• 00:47 – Why managing your own anxiety is essential
• 02:14 – Building connection right away in the morning
• 07:24 – Using odd time limits and rewards
• 09:25 – Addressing anxiety about school
• 12:13 – The 'tough approach' with clear and consistent consequences
• 19:28 – Modeling integrity by following through
• 20:44 – Giving kids practical ‘tools’ and playful strategies
• 25:41 – Breaking generational habits and including kids in the conversation
• 28:11 – Ownership and letting go of perfectionism
• 32:01 – Affirming progress, not perfection

Closing

Kirk Martin wraps up by encouraging parents to try these strategies throughout the day, not just in the morning. Let children listen to the podcast, get their input, and celebrate progress. Reach out for support if needed, and keep breaking those generational cycles through compassionate, informed parenting.