Calm Parenting Podcast: "Feeling Powerless with Video Games? 2 Ways to Take Back Control"

Host: Kirk Martin
Release Date: June 5, 2024
Description:
In this episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast, Kirk Martin addresses the common struggles parents face with children engrossed in video games. Drawing from his extensive experience with challenging children, Kirk provides practical strategies to foster connection, reduce power struggles, and harness the positive aspects of gaming to support children's development.

1. Navigating the Challenges of Technology in Parenting

Kirk opens the discussion by acknowledging the overwhelming presence of technology in today's parenting landscape. He empathizes with parents who feel "powerless and even hopeless" against the tide of digital distractions that dominate their children's lives.

Notable Quote:
"Do you ever feel a little bit powerless and even hopeless, like we're swimming against this tide of technology?"
[01:20]

He emphasizes the societal pressures and norms that often leave parents feeling like bystanders rather than active decision-makers in their homes.

2. The Importance of Connection Over Power Struggles

A central theme of the episode is the significance of building a strong connection with children to mitigate conflicts over technology use. Kirk advocates for avoiding reflexive rigidity and instead adopting an approach that fosters understanding and collaboration.

Notable Quote:
"Instead of standing from over here yelling or barking at your kids over there... you enter into their world, you connect with them, and then you draw and lead them back out."
[04:15]

Kirk shares his personal journey of shifting from a confrontational stance to a more engaging and inquisitive approach with his son, illustrating how connection can transform parenting dynamics.

3. Understanding What Children Gain from Video Games

Kirk delves into the underlying benefits that video games offer to children, particularly those who are strong-willed or face challenges like ADHD, OCD, ODD, or ASD. He outlines several key areas where gaming contributes positively to their development:

• Challenge and Strategy:
  Video games provide a platform for strategic thinking and problem-solving, which Kirk identifies as crucial skills.

  Notable Quote:
  "When you're playing your video games, you are persistent, you're goal-oriented, you're focused. You problem solve, you overcome challenges, you try new games."
  [37:50]

• Leadership and Confidence:
  Through roles like team captain or game leader, children develop leadership qualities and gain confidence from their accomplishments within the game environment.

• Order and Structure:
  Games offer clear rules and consistent enforcement, providing the structure that many children thrive on.

• Competence and Accomplishment:
  Achieving goals and completing missions in games fosters a sense of competence and boosts self-esteem.

Kirk illustrates these points with anecdotes about his son’s experiences with Call of Duty and later activities like ice hockey refereeing and flying airplanes, demonstrating how gaming skills translated into real-life competencies.

4. Utilizing Technology Tools to Enhance Parenting

Transitioning from challenges to solutions, Kirk introduces practical tools that parents can leverage to better manage their children's gaming habits. One such tool is the Kinjo app, which assesses the quality and educational value of Roblox games.

Notable Quote:
"An app like Kinjo gives you back some power. You don't have to guess which games are helpful and beneficial. It does that for you."
[29:30]

Kinjo helps parents guide their children towards games that offer greater cognitive challenges and learning opportunities, aligning gameplay with developmental goals.

Additionally, Kirk shares his collaboration with Kinjo to provide listeners with a 15% discount on Kinjo Plus subscriptions, enhancing accessibility to these beneficial tools.

5. Practical Strategies for Parents

Kirk outlines two primary strategies for parents to regain control and support their children's growth amidst the digital landscape:

1. Entering the Child’s World:
   Engage with your child's interests by asking insightful questions about their gaming experiences. This fosters mutual understanding and opens avenues for meaningful conversations.

   Notable Quote:
   "Watch. This is a really important point. We're always like, oh, that's useless... but playing your video games is meeting a lot of internal needs inside of you."
   [24:10]

2. Providing Alternative Opportunities:
   Identify and support activities that fulfill the same needs that gaming does, such as challenge, structure, and accomplishment. Kirk exemplifies this by helping his son transition from gaming to becoming a successful ice hockey referee and eventually learning to fly an airplane.

   Notable Quote:
   "You put your kids in situations in which they have strengths and they come alive and they succeed."
   [21:45]

6. The "Killer Close" – Empowering Words for Your Child

Towards the end of the episode, Kirk offers a powerful endorsement for parents to communicate affirmatively with their children. He provides a script that parents can use to reinforce their child's strengths and potential.

Notable Quote:
"Say something like this to your child: 'Hey, I need to apologize. Sometimes I get so focused on what you're not doing and it probably feels like you can never please me. But the truth is that you have every quality necessary for success in life inside of you right now...'"
[46:00]

This heartfelt message aims to shift the parent's perspective from criticism to recognition, encouraging children to recognize their inherent strengths and envision their future successes.

7. Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Kirk concludes the episode by reiterating the importance of connecting with children and using available resources to turn technological challenges into opportunities for growth. He urges parents to prioritize their own self-improvement to better support their children and invites listeners to engage further through additional podcast episodes and resources.

Notable Quote:
"Now, when my child is out in the real world, when he's doing things for other adults and when he's playing video games, I see all these traits. One day you're going to crush it in life. Let's begin here."
[47:30]

Conclusion

In "Feeling Powerless with Video Games? 2 Ways to Take Back Control," Kirk Martin offers a compassionate and strategic approach to parenting in the age of digital distractions. By emphasizing connection, understanding, and the strategic use of technology tools like Kinjo, he empowers parents to transform video game challenges into opportunities for their children's personal growth and development. This episode serves as a valuable resource for parents striving to navigate the complexities of modern parenting with confidence and empathy.

For more resources and to connect with Celebrate Calm, visit www.CelebrateCalm.com or email Casey@CelebrateCalm.com.