Kirk Martin (12:03)
Your gut number five use time compression to your advantage. Now this is another really interesting concept. Sometimes homeschooling families are at a disadvantage because you actually have too much time to get schoolwork done. Because in a regular school there are artificial time limits. 45 minutes to a class and then the bell rings and we're done at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. But as a homeschooler you have all day and all night to get things done. Because at school you leave the kids leave the school. Here they never leave the school or the teacher. And that actually leads to more procrastination. And one of the ways I learned this is this. Early on Casey would travel with me to speaking engagements and we do homeschooling on the road and he literally do some of his work while we were driving, which was really awesome. But let's say we had a speaking gig at a church or school and we had to be there at 6:30pm so we'd roll into this new town at say 5:47 and we'd go right to a Panera Bread place. We now had 43 minutes to eat and get our work done before leaving for the live event. And what I discovered is that that definitive time limit, that 43 minutes compressed the time he had to get, say, his writing assignments done, that helped him focus. Because if he had three hours to do a writing assignment, which he struggled with, and I show you on that ADHD program, university program, how to do writing assignments with your kids, it's really, really cool. It's very, very different, but it's very, very cool. But he struggled with writing assignments till we learned how to do this and that 43 minutes, it's like it focused his energy. It was a defined limit. So he also knew it wasn't going to last forever. That's another key. It forced his brain to hyper focus. It also worked because we were eating, music was playing and there was activity going on there. See the rhythm from the eating and music actually creates rhythm in the brain and that was very stimulating. So I use this for myself all the time. I give myself a defined time limit to write a newsletter or a podcast. Use that at home. You can jump start your child's brain and get a success by saying, okay, in the next 17 minutes, let's knock out this assignment. Play some music, get some movement. I'm a realist. Some of your kids are so resistant. You could do the following. Hey, don't tell anyone, but we're going to do this worksheet together. We're knocking it out in 17 minutes. You do the odd numbered problems and I'll do the even numbered ones and you do it together. Well, isn't that cheating? Well, I have two responses. No. When you're doing the even number of math problems, you're actually showing your child how to do the work and you're actually teaching. And number two, you're just getting your work done. And that's called being smart. By the way, if you have or you get the calm parenting program, let your kids listen to Casey's Straight Talk for Kids program because Casey shares how he learned how to control his own emotions and impulses and how he learned how to use his brain most effectively. And your kids will like this because it's another kid talking to them, not some boring adult lecturing them. You can even have Them do a writing assignment based on three things they can begin doing differently in the homeschooling day or two ways. They learn how to deal with disappointment from Casey's program because he goes through that. You could give him a challenge of like, hey, Casey talks about coming up with a code word when you're upset and when you're. Instead of yelling at me, coming up with a code word, what's your code word going to be? I've got a lot of homeschooling families that listen to our programs and they use them as usually as curriculum. Go to home. Celebratecalm.com homeschool because you get a big discount there just for you because you're homeschooling. Or email Casey and he'll help you out with it. Caseycelebratecolm.com okay, number six, use rhythm. Use music. Chew snacks. Let them tap pencils if they're doing it alone. Right? Because some of you. I want your kids, actually, if you can let some of your kids spread out and do their schoolwork in a different room. So your kids usually have very busy brains, and it feels like there's chaos inside their brains. And that's why they always want to control things. It's why they control conversations, why they're bossy. It's why you can't get them to. Can't play board games with them because they're going to cheat, change the rules, or quit. It's all about creating order because they don't have it inside of them. Look, the reason they cheat is because that's a way of controlling the outcome of the game. All about control. And that's why we talk about a lot with kids when they, when they get upset and have meltdowns. The first thing isn't to try to get them to calm down. It's to give them something they're actually in control of. So one of the other things you'll learn in ADHD program is about the need for rhythm. Think about this chaotic brain that's not all that organized. It's got thoughts and feelings and ideas tumbling around like socks in a dryer. But now you introduce some rhythm through music, through chewing, through tapping on something, and that creates rhythm in the brain, and it can help your kids focus better. So I'd experiment with allowing your kids to listen to music and especially intense music. Look, when I was writing this, I was listening to intense music alive. I often find myself listening to a live concert. Why? Because there's extra energy to that and that focuses my brain and that can help with writing projects. Other subjects. Let your kids eat their breakfast or lunch or snack while doing schoolwork. Instead of it being separate, chewing brings blood flow to the brain. It's relaxing, and it often just helps your kids with this. So I'd encourage you to try this. Let your child stand at the kitchen counter where he or she can rock back and forth, chewing on a snack, listening to their music. Just try it. Number seven. Use movement to stimulate and focus the brain. One of the reasons you homeschool is so your kids aren't sit. Aren't stuck sitting in a chair for seven hours a day. So take advantage of this flexibility. Look, review vocabulary words and quiz your kids while they're jumping on a trampoline, while you're kicking a ball back and forth, while they're shooting hoops, while they're spinning. Some of your kids spin because they're trying to meet a vestibular need. So instead of getting upset, stop your spinning. Instead, say, hey, I'm going to review vocabulary words while you're spinning. And I bet they'll do it really well. We taught kids how to read while swinging on a swing. It's weird, but it works. Do you have a child who likes hanging off the sofa upside down? Good. Use that to your advantage. Why they do that? Because it brings blood flow to their brains and it probably needs. Needs a sensory need, that need that calms them. So walk into the living room and say, hey, bet you can't do your math worksheet upside down. Then you lie upside down next to your child and quiz your child. You bond that way over weird things. Do you have a child who likes confined spaces? Good. Let that child do schoolwork under the kitchen table. You put a blanket over the table. You now have a fort. Forts are cool. They can do their schoolwork under there. Give them a flashlight, let them lay on the floor, let them sit in a closet, even in the car. I have a lot of teenagers that will do their schoolwork in a car. It's like their home office, but it's private for them. Experiment with the movement. It's really, really helpful. Number 8. Experiment with doing work in different parts of your home, like the attic, the basement, a tree house, even the car, or out in public. And it may sound weird, but try it. We used to take kids to the local caribou coffee shop to do one or two subjects. They liked it because there were antlers on the walls. There was a fire going in winter, so it was cozy. Plus, you know what else it was? They were at an adult place while all the other kids were stuck in school. Then we drive to the local ice rink where they would do some more work. They'd skate a little bit at the lunchtime skate, got the endorphins flowing and then we finish up with a little bit more work. We just packed lunches and snacks to avoid paying for food. So number nine, just practice that. Do it in different parts of your home, Go out in public. Number nine, trade kids with another co op or homeschooling mom. Right? Some of you attend a co op or you know, other homeschooling families. There's other parents out there who also have strong willed kids who are great for other people but resist their own parents. So why not team up with that family? You get together a couple times a week for a couple hours of work and then let the kids play together. And perhaps the other mom or dad teaches your child math because they're good at that. While you teach their child writing. Try swapping kids with other people for a couple hours. Then your kids get to listen to someone with a fresh perspective and a different voice. Number 10, you're going to resist this, but it's probably the best idea out of all of them. Find an older couple in your neighborhood, your church to help you. And I know you're going to resist this at first, but think about it. You have this older couple, or maybe it's an old guy or an older lady in your home or in your neighborhood. And you know them. They're safe. They've already raised their kids. They're safe. They're patient. Look, they're a lot patient. More patient than you are because they don't have anything to do all day except wait for Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune to come on. I'm kidding. But they have missed having their kids around. Some of you even have retired school teachers in your neighborhood or church. So use them. Simply ask them. Look, I homeschool my kids and I've got one in particular who's really, really bright, but he resists me all the time. But he's got a huge heart. He loves helping other people. Would you have them over to your house sometime? Maybe once a week? Do you have anything that you need done? Because my son loves helping other people. Could you give him a job at your house? And then if he's down at your house, would you consider doing a subject or two with him once or twice a week? Now, you don't want to do this because you don't want to bother that old lady or couple down the street, but you're looking at it the wrong way. This old lady or this couple would love having your bright child at their house. Why? Because your child brings energy and youth into their home. And your child is often really good with older people. And they'll carry on these great conversations. They'll be helpful, engaging, and it gives this older couple a new mission. They'll feel good helping a frustrated mom and break kid. And it gives them something to talk about. After being married for 45 years, what are they going to talk about all day? But now they've got this kid coming into their home and they're energized. I'm telling you, it is a gift to this older couple. And if you don't try it, you're robbing them of joy and purpose and you'll rob yourself of a really valuable resource. And don't apologize. I'm sorry to ask you this. Don't do that. Moms, stop apologizing for everything. You have needs. You're important. You're worthy of being helped. You help everybody else. You're worthy of being helped. So stop asking everybody in pleading tones and apologizing. You apologize to your husband for asking him. Stop that. You're an equal partner and you deserve to be helped and you're worthy of being helped. You do it for everybody else. Treat other people the way you want to be treated. You already treat other people that way and that means you're worthy of being of having an expectation that other people will help you. So chew on that a little bit. Anyway, here's the other part of that. Your child will really, you know, let me go back to that. Moms, I want you to break some of these generational patterns. One of those things that you could do during those 17 minutes that you get. Remember we talked on the first podcast every morning at 10:47am to 19:00pm work on breaking some of these generational patterns. Work on learning how to be more assertive and being more confident. Because the reason when people respect you is when you demonstrate self respect, that is a lofty and worthy goal. That's your own self development, your own education. Let your kids see you working on that. Because the best goal teaching you ever do your kids is what you model for them. So back to this older couple down the street that I want you to take advantage of using. You're not taking advantage. You're giving them a gift. Your child is going to like being the center of attention in their home. This older couple is going to dote on and encourage and praise your child. They're also going to be patient with him. But you know what else they'll do? They'll be tough on your child and your child will listen to them because they aren't you. And your strong willed child will come home feeling confident and good about himself, telling you all the things he did to help this older couple. And it gives your child an opportunity to do a service project to help with them do things around the house. And if you get really lucky, the older gentleman, maybe he's a retired engineer or maybe just likes tinkering with things and he can teach your child how to build and fix things. He'd be an awesome mentor for your strong willed child. Or this older lady might be good at working with your, with your daughter. It can be very grounding for teenagers to spend time with older people because they're very grounding and they have a lot of wisdom. You know what else it does? It gives you and your compliant child kids time to breathe and work and have peace at home for a couple hours while the strong willed child who is challenging is enjoying his time down at the Johnson's house. Please try this, it's really cool. Number 11 giving you a bonus. More than 10. Create successes with your most challenging child. Right. We start the morning with a small win. Let's keep getting those small wins. Let them read and write about something they're interested in. Make it a practical thing. When I was a kid, you know what I did? I wrote letters to the Kellogg's cereal company asking for a refund because they didn't give us enough cereal in the box. And I practiced my writing skills. And I also got a check for like A$32 because that's how old I am and how, how much cereal box cost back then. And I got something in the mail. It was kind of cool. So let them do some practical real life things, not these arbitrary schooling things that we do. Well, write about this subject that you don't care about. Well, that doesn't make sense. I spent a year during COVID mentoring inner city kids. And what I learned was if I made, if I made their assignments related to something they were interested in, they would do it. So I always had the little kids with math. I'd be like, okay, let's say you make it to the mba, you get your first contract, okay, Your agent's going to take 6%, government's going to take 28%, how much you're going to have left. And they would do it. Give them context. Let them write to someone they respect. Let them write to someone they disagree with, which is probably more likely. Let them read more adult type books and articles. Write a rebuttal on a political forum. Anything that engages their curiosity. It's a practical outlet for them. Number 12 I already mentioned this, but I'm going to mention again. Let's have dad do a subject or two subject or two with the kids or the strong willed child when he gets home from work or the next morning or even late at night with a teenager because Dad's got that fresh voice and he may excel in a couple subjects. Look, it could be on a weekend, it could be late at night. I've mentioned this before in other podcasts. Let's say you've got a teenager and dad has this big project working he's worked on. He says, hey, teenage son, teenage daughter, listen, I got a cram for this big project. I got some work I've got to figure out tonight. I know when you get to college you're probably going to procrastinate. You're going to have to cram at the last minute. Why don't you grab your schoolwork? We're going to go out to IHOP or maybe Taco Bell, whatever, and we're going to do a work session until late into the night and your child will feel like an adult. And it's way more fun doing work late at night, IHOP or Taco Bell than is sitting at a desk. And dad gets to take stress off Mom. Dad gets his work done at IHOP and the kid gets his work done. And Dad's available. This is important. Dad's available to his child to help with that schoolwork. But he's not just sitting there waiting for him to get it done because he's working on his stuff. Mom. That's a really good tool too is be busy, especially with your older kids, doing some of your own work so you're not just waiting for them to mark down those answers on that page because that's frustrating. 13. Affirm your child for what he or she is already doing well, it's so easy to get frustrated with our kids and point out all the things they're doing wrong. But let's break that cycle for the next week. Affirm your kids. Affirm what they're already doing well for their unique gifts or talents. That's praise for progress, not perfection, because that's more motivating than just correcting your kids. Number 14 one of the most important things you must do with a Resistant child is to discover what motivates your child and discover what they care about, not what you care about. You and I care about good grades and good behavior and doing your work to the best of your ability. And some of you have a compliant child or neurotypical kids or those who just enjoy doing their schoolwork and they're already internally motivated to do their best and be conscientious with their schoolwork. But it simply does not work to impose outside motivations on your strong willed child. They have to own it themselves. They simply don't care and they'll shut down or do nothing and no consequences will work with this child, as you've already found. And this is usually when parents of older kids schedule a call or two with me, because here's what we have to do. Because until you discover what they care about, nothing will matter and it will be an endless struggle. Now, I don't have time to go through this in detail, but do remember the phrase mission and mentor. I want you to find ways for your resistant child to use his or her particular natural gifts, talents and passions. Doing something he or she enjoys, something they're good at outside the home, accountable to another adult. This could be working a job, volunteering at an animal or a homeless shelter. Helping an older couple working at a daycare because they're really good with younger kids. It could be starting their own business, something they care about, something they have ownership over. Helping a local soccer coach because your child's really good at soccer and they help and they're really good with younger kids. So they help this guy or this lady who's coaching younger kids. See, now they're accountable to another adult who will likely praise them, but who can also speak into their lives in ways that you can as a parent. See, I always made sure that as a teenager, Casey had two mentors and two missions. One, he had a flight instructor and he also had a boss at the ice rink because in order to do those two things, he loved learn how to fly, and doing his work because he loved his job, but he didn't love homeschooling. He had to get his work done. See, and that was motivating. And those role models and mentors reinforced all of those lessons. And other people sometimes can say things to your kids in ways that you can't. So I could keep going on, but this is running long. So let your kids listen to this. See what ideas they come up with. Go through the Calm Parenting program. It's on sale specifically for homeschoolers. @celebratecolm.com Homeschool There's a program just for your kids to listen to. There's 13 programs to go through. They will change your family life. Let them listen to these other programs because it will help them feel understood and get on the same page with your spouse. So thank you for doing what you're doing as a homeschooling family. We know it's a big sacrifice and it's really hard and let us know if we can help in any way. Please share this podcast with other homeschoolers. We'd love to help you all out. Love you all. Bye.
