A (0:00)

This Christmas, give the gift that transforms every night into a holiday. Cozy Earth Bamboo Sheets. It's a gift your loved ones will use more than anything else they unwrap. Cozy Earth Bamboo sheets are so heavenly, soft and temperature regulating that we take them with us when we travel because it kind of turns bedtime into bliss. Imagine giving someone eight hours of pure comfort night after night, year after year. That's what Cozy Earth Bamboo Sheets are a gift that keeps paying off in better sleep, brighter mornings and a calmer life. Wrap up comfort, wrap up luxury, Wrap up the best sleep they've ever had. Cozy Earth Bamboo Sheets because the best gifts are the ones they feel every night, head to cozyearth.com use my code CALM for up to 40% off and if you place your order by December 12th, you'll get guaranteed Christmas delivery. If you're listening to this after the 12th, don't worry, my code still works year round for 20% off. That's cozyearth.com calm and code calm. This message is sponsored by Greenlight. Hey, this Christmas, why not fund your child's first savings account and begin teaching your kids a skill that will benefit them for a lifetime? How to manage money, save and invest in a tangible way with Greenlight. Greenlight is a debit card money app made for families. You can send money to your kids or deposit their allowance immediately when their chores are completed. Then keep an eye on their spending and saving while your kids build money, confidence and lifelong financial literacy skills. It's one of the best things we taught Casey. Greenlight is the easy, convenient way for parents to raise financially smart kids. That's why millions of parents trust Greenlight and why kids love learning about money. Thanks thanks to fun games on Greenlight, the number one family finance and safety app. Don't wait to teach your kids real world money skills. Start your risk free Greenlight trial today@greenlight.com Kirk that's greenlight.com Kirk to get started greenlight.com Kirk.

A (2:17)

So do you have a child who is very picky about food and creates stress at mealtime? Probably. Do you have a child who will pick on siblings and then deny doing it? How about a bright child and like they get their math problems correct but then they dig in and refuse to show their work? That's frustrating. How do you not take it personally and take out your frustration on your kids? What if your kids feel entitled? How do you reset expectations knowing your kids will not be happy about it? And what expectations should you set if you're going to get Your child a smartphone for Christmas. Yes. We're going to discuss all, all of those things on today's episode of the Calm Parenting podcast. So welcome. This is Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm, and you can find us in our big christmas sale@celebratecolm.com so I want to provide some concise, concrete, creative answers to really tough questions. And even if you don't struggle with one of these situations, especially right now, because you probably will be, take the principles and apply them to different situations. So, number one, we have a picky eater who is creating so much stress at mealtime. Look, most of the kids we work with struggle with this. So you're not alone. They struggle with anxiety. Anxiety kind of lives in the stomach. It makes their stomach upset. And so that's why they will often crave simple carbs and comfort foods. A lot of our kids have sensory issues, so texture and smell of foods will affect them. That's a real thing. My number one piece of advice is this. Don't stress over it. I could reframe this and say we are the ones who are creating so much stress. And at mealtime, if you push and you talk about it all the time, you will create tension at the dinner table and you'll create so much stress over food that it will make it worse. Your kids will dig in and resist even more. It can even lead to eating disorders. Look, model healthy eating for your kids. Think about this. I really want you to focus on this. Focus more on what you eat than what they eat. Drop that rigid old mantra like making them finish everything on their plate, forcing them to try new foods. Look, come to my house and try to force me to eat something I don't like. It's not going to end well. Stop with that. Relax. Model it. They will eventually follow your example, probably years from now. Not on your timeline. And I promise you, if you push and force it, they'll just keep digging in. You know this with strong will. Kids, we talk about a all the time. You have to release them to do the right thing. But as long as you're hammering them all the time, it won't happen. So in the meantime, reduce the friction. Make it easier for your kids to get some good calories with protein bars kind of laying around in different spots. Do what works for you. Resist feeling judged or guilty, like you're not a good parent because your child doesn't eat a balanced diet. Casey ate horribly as a younger child. He just got progressively better into the teen years, and now he is incredibly healthy. You can look into gut issues with maybe a certain kind of a doctor or a practitioner that specializes in gut issues. So just think about those kids who have this stuff. Like a functional medicine doctor. That's what I was searching for. May help with that. Put this in your child's court and reframe this. I know this is semantics, but I've grown to hate saying, oh, our kids are picky. You know why? Because I'm picky. What does that mean? It means I have preferences about what I put in my body. We all have various preferences in life. There's nothing wrong with that. I just don't expect everyone around me to cater to my whims. And I don't want you to either. So try this. Set very clear expectations about your boundaries. Hey, I'm not going to keep a lot of drinks and food with sugar in our home. You don't have to convince your kids that this is right or that they should like it. It won't work anyway. Don't show them the food pyramid, because it's all wrong anyway. But then you can have this discussion. Look, I love that you know what you like and don't like. I love your independence. So why don't you learn how to make your own meals? I can show you, or they're not going to listen to you anyway. Or, so this is better. You can look up your YouTube videos where actually take a cooking class. You can be very independent, prepare your meals and be responsible for them. See, I love that. What would be wrong with this? What if your child made a couple big batches of the same food each week? Or a couple different foods each week, and then they just heat them up at dinner time every night? Can you live with that? Look, we often. We're grown adults who eat very healthy, but in the winter, we often do the same thing. Right. When Mrs. Collins goes to visit family, I make a big pot of chili and a whole tray of meatballs, and then I eat leftovers every night. I love the consistency. Why can't your kids do that? It gives them ownership and responsibility and teaches them a life skill. Now, I understand many of you are battling cultural norms and how you grew up. Well, we have family dinner together every night, and you eat what's set before you look. I get that there's nothing wrong with that, but in many families, it's not that awesome a time because dinner time is stressful. Like when before I learned how to control myself, it was always, Casey, sit up straight. Casey, you need to eat your food. Stop playing with your food. And now it became this time of just great tension all the time. And guess what? It wasn't that awesome. So do what works for your family with the more challenging child. Otherwise you will or probably your spouse are just making you are being the challenging one. So now if you do it the other way, you get to affirm your child and say, hey, you know what? It's pretty cool that you're only whatever age they are and you're responsible for your own meals. By the way, quick one with food. Here's a little birthday cake example that I thought of. So your daughter goes to a birthday party and she has birthday cake and she has too much. She comes home, her stomach is a little bit upset, she doesn't feel well. Good. That's a learning opportunity. Next time she goes to a birthday party, hey, honey, remember you didn't feel so well last time. Do you want to take an alternative snack? Maybe have half a slice of cake? And she'll be like, no, no, no. And she'll come home the second time and her stomach won't feel well. Well, guess what? Eventually she will say, you know what? It doesn't feel good when I put too much sugar or unhealthy food in my body. So next time I'm going to take something healthy. And once your kids own it themselves, they will own it for life. I prefer that. Okay, number two, Kirk. How can we handle an older child picking on a younger sibling? Look, there's so many different ways to approach this. One of the 17 programs you get with the Christmas sale is solely focused on sibling issues, because sibling issues really usually have nothing to do with sibling issues. They have to do with a child not feeling confident, so that child picks on the other one. Or. Or your kids have a very great need for brain stimulation, and so they irritate their sibling and get a response. So let me, let me give you kind of a different way to handle this. I like it in a more subtle way sometimes. So let's say you're doing something with your daughter that doesn't require eye contact, and you casually say, hey, honey, I've noticed lately you've been getting ready in the morning by yourself. Really appreciate that. It shows me you're growing up because you always start with a positive and then you pivot. I've also noticed you're picking on Jordan more lately. And I want you to think about this. People who pick on other people tend to do that because they don't always feel great about themselves or feel like something's out of Their control. So they control other people, but it ultimately makes them look weak. And you're not a weak person. So let me know if you need some help with that. Well, then you pivot and move on. Maybe you kiss her head and you give her some space to process that and leave the room. With strong willed kids, I like planting seeds, throwing out a couple suggestions. Perhaps she can begin doing some adult job around the house that she feels in control of. That makes her feel competent and confident. And then you offer to help and you give the child time to process and work on it herself and see how she responds. Look, if your daughter, if you need to be more direct, you. You can just do it in a firm, business like manner without long lectures and that moralizing tone about how important it is to be kind to each other. Your kids already know that you can identify this pattern in your own life. Hey honey, I've noticed that I tend to be more controlling with you and your sister when work feels overwhelming. So I've begun organizing things instead of controlling you because that gives me kind of a sense of accomplishment and control. See, now you're giving insight into human nature and you're giving her an alternative. You're normalizing it. So apply this to most of your correction with your kids. And by the way, did a really great podcast back in the spring. 11 Ways to Correct your child so they actually listen. Go look that one up. Number three, we're considering getting our child a smartphone and iPhone for Christmas. What should we plan for? So here are three ideas. 1. Create crystal clear expectations from the start and rigidly enforce them. I am flexible with food and a lot of things, but screen usage can get out of hand very quickly. Hey, no screens in the bedroom. No social media before age 16. Your phone is turned into the parents every night at 9pm or whatever time you choose. What are the repercussions if their attitude changes and their grades begin to drop? Be very clear and consistent because we have kids who will argue and if you give them an inch and they will take 500 miles. Number two, use this as an opportunity to connect with your kids. This is really important. I don't want you to hand your kids these devices and then have them disappear to their bedrooms and into their own world. So be curious about things they are interested in without being negative. I always tried to bond with Casey about things he was interested in, even if I found them to be kind of like mind numbingly stupid. Be curious. Number three, Protect your kids. Your kids are naive. They're not aware that there are 6 billion strangers on the other end of that device. You know, I'm not an alarmist, but I'm genuinely concerned about what your kids are exposed to without you knowing. ChatGPT has 1 million conversations each week about suicide. For 10 to 14 year olds, suicide is the second leading cause of death. These companies are not going to protect your kids. You and I need to see what's happening with our kids online. Back in the day, I had to ask Casey, hand me your phone. Now, there are really cool apps you can use. My favorite is an app called Bright Canary because I've got all kinds of friends and my brother uses it with my nephew. Takes like 2 minutes to install on your child's phone. It will give you peace of mind. One of the reasons I like Bright Canary is because it is the only app that will send you alerts about everything that your child types on any app they use on their iPhone. And that includes Snapchat, Instagram, Roblox, Discord, ChatGPT, all the AI chats and companions. So if your child sends or receives messages and anywhere that mention drugs, depression, suicide, porn, the app flags this and sends you an alert in real time so you can address issues before it's too late. You've probably heard the heartbreaking stories about AI encouraging good kids to commit suicide. With an app like Bright Canary, you will get an instant alert that your child has typed concerning words on his or her iPhone so you're not caught off guard. It can be life changing, life saving. Now, many parents say, oh, I don't want to spy on my kids. And my response is big tech is spying on literally everything your kids say and do online. You see, I want to be the one who knows more about my child than anyone else. Doing this is simply a loving, protective thing to do for your child. Here's another thing. The Bright Canary app also allows you to see all incoming and outcoming text messages, images and videos, even deleted text. And the app will flag that content. My brother loves Bright Canary because he doesn't have to spend hours going through my nephew's phone because he gets AI summaries at the end of the day. Look, you and I have impulsive kids who crave that dopamine hit, so they're a little more vulnerable. Before you hand over an iPhone to them, make sure you install an app like Bright Canary. That way you have peace of mind even when you're sleeping. So you go, go to the app Store, download Bright Canary. You can start a free trial today. Highly recommended. Now what about that child who won't show their work in math class? This is fascinating. Or what about when you've allowed your kids to kind of be a little bit entitled? Or what if you get rushed and snap at them? So you know what brings us a lot of joy? Getting a text from our daughter in law saying OMG this Hungry Root, coconut curry, broccoli and pepper bowl is to die for. Like many young couples, she and our son are working extra long during the holidays, so we're treating them to a couple extra Hungry Root meals each week. They love Hungry Root because it eliminates having to decide what to have for dinner and making that stop at the grocery store when they're tired and hungry. Hungryroot replaces expensive carryout with healthy, delicious meals that only take minutes to prepare. Plus you can find kids meals that even picky kids love. We love Hungryroot. So take advantage of our exclusive offer. Go to hungryroot.com calm and use code CALM to get 40% off your first box. Plus get a free item in every box for life. That's hungryroot.com calm codecalm to get 40% off your first box. Hungryroot.com calm code calm I want you to be relaxed this holiday season because you're such busy parents. Wayfair.com just made gift giving easy for us. We have so many different people to buy gifts for with such different tastes and needs. So we went to wayfair.com and got wine glasses and a decanter for our wine enthusiasts, an espresso machine for the coffee lovers, throws and sofa pillows for relatives who moved into a new home, and a cute dog bed. Boom. Done all in one place. All of these great gifts ship fast and free and I love that we get accurate email updates for delivery from one place, not like seven different online shops. So we know what is coming when get last minute hosting essentials, gifts for all your loved ones and decor to celebrate the holidays. For way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to get to shop all things home. That's W A Y f a I r.com Wayfair Every Style Every Home.