Calm Parenting Podcast #545

Kids Who Struggle with Organization, Following Directions, Writing Essays, Turning in Homework?

Host: Kirk Martin
Date: December 17, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Kirk Martin addresses common struggles faced by children—especially those who are strong-willed or neurodivergent (ADHD, OCD, ASD, ODD, etc.)—with organization, following directions, writing essays, and turning in homework. Drawing from work with over 1,500 kids and years of practical experience, Kirk shares strategies to help children (and their parents) succeed without power struggles, frustration, or shame. The tone is practical, encouraging, and humorous, providing comforting perspective and concrete tools for families.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding the Disorganized or Forgetful Child

• The Brain Analogy (03:13): Kirk explains that many kids have neurotransmitter misfires (especially with dopamine), leading to brains that are “like traffic lights blinking yellow during rush hour—gridlock, frustration, chaos.”
• Kids often have “Ferrari brains but not good brakes,” resulting in busy thoughts, impulsivity, and a sense of lacking control.
• Control-Seeking Behaviors: Kids may try to control their environment or others in response to feeling chaotic inside (e.g., being bossy, cheating at games, collecting small items).

2. Practical Tools for Improving Listening, Memory, and Task Completion

• Be Specific and Novel with Directions (06:50):
  • Instead of saying, “We’re leaving in five minutes,” Kirk suggests: “We’re leaving in seven minutes—bedtime is at 8:51.” Odd, specific times are more memorable.
  • “Keep your directions concise, clear, and matter of fact.”
• Make Directions Challenging or Fun:
  • “Bet you can’t get dressed under your bed!”
  • Use games or challenges to stimulate engagement and brain connections.

3. Creating Traditions for Consistency and Security

• Traditions vs. Rules (09:26):
  • “Rules tell kids what not to do. Traditions create stability and an expectation of what to do.”
  • Examples: morning treasure hunts, consistent after-school routines, fun bedtime practices—even split custody benefits from shared traditions.
• Kirk’s Home Tradition:
  • “When anyone walks through my front door, they have to do it in slow motion. And the kids love this.” (10:43)

4. Non-Verbal Signals and Visual Organizers

• Use Songs and Nonverbal Cues (13:45):
  • Use music with specific routines—playing a song signals it’s time to get dressed or eat.
• Visual Schedules/Whiteboards:
  • Post daily or weekly commitments so kids can see and anticipate changes—let kids participate in creating the schedule for ownership.

5. Teaching Independence: Lists, Alarms, and Ownership

• Encourage Written Lists (15:54):
  • Don’t always be the reminder/timer; let kids write reminders, use their own phone alarms, set visual cues.
  • “Our son used to be the most disorganized, forgetful kid you can imagine, but now he’s a master list maker.”
• Visual/Concrete Reminders:
  • Kirk puts his car keys on top of his hiking poles so he can’t leave without them—linking tasks via objects kids can relate to.

6. Problem-Solving Turned Into Strengths

• Reframing Weaknesses as Strengths (19:04):
  • Kirk discusses a child who forgets to turn in homework—not as a failure, but as an opportunity to use creativity to compensate (e.g., photographing homework and emailing it to the teacher).
  • “Why are you continuing to punish this kid for an inherent weakness when you could be celebrating his ingenuity and problem-solving skills?”

7. Helping Kids with Essay Writing & Written Expression

• Control Parental Anxiety:
  • “If you’re anxious or you’re rushed, you’ll provoke a massive meltdown. So no standing over them.” (28:32)
• Interest-Driven Topics:
  • Let kids write about topics they like to create successes and build confidence.
• Flexible, Messy Processes:
  • “Vomit all of your thoughts onto paper.” (31:12)
    • Do a brain dump—get ideas outside the head to see and organize.
  • Allow first drafts to be purposefully messy—“notes in margins sideways, big circles or squares… if it works, let them do it.”
• Visual Outlining:
  • Use blocks or rectangles to visually organize introduction, supporting points, and conclusion.
  • Big ideas can be sketched with sidewalk chalk outside or on colorful pads inside.
• Accommodations and Sensory Tools:
  • Let kids listen to music, drum, chew gum, rock, or write standing up—whatever helps the thoughts flow.
  • “Don’t expect kids to write the way you do. The irony here is that our kids are probably the most creative, imaginative writers in the class. They just struggle the most.”

8. Managing Transitions and Following Directions with Visual Cues

• Paint Visual Images (40:11):
  • Turn directions into images kids can picture (e.g., “Put these three things in the trunk of a Lamborghini”)—words are fleeting, pictures stick.
  • Teachers can provide specific tasks with manageable steps and sensory input for smoother transitions, e.g., “Three paper towels, one water bottle, the front row of desks.”

9. Encouragement for Parents and Teachers

• Celebrate Strengths, Not Just Manage Weaknesses
  • “Affirm our kids instead of making them feel like there’s something wrong just because they do things differently.” (22:24)
• Kirk offers free resources for teachers (“ADHD University” and “Brain Boosters”) to expand support at school.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Brains That Seem Out of Control:
  • “They have Ferrari brains, but not good brakes.” (04:08)
• On Specific Directions:
  • “Bedtime is at 8:51. These odd, specific times stick in the brain partly because they are novel.” (07:10)
• On Traditions:
  • “Rules tell kids what not to do. Traditions create stability and an expectation of what to do.” (09:34)
• On Visual Reminders:
  • “I put my keys on top of my hiking poles because I knew we couldn’t leave without the keys, and I wouldn’t leave my hiking poles.” (17:35)
• On Reframing Weaknesses:
  • “That may be the most important part of this whole podcast. Instead of just saying, ‘well, you need to learn to do that, or else’… you have a weakness here, but you have a corresponding strength. Let me teach you how to use your corresponding strengths to help you overcome your weaknesses.” (19:58)
• On Early Writing Frustration:
  • “Casey used to crumple up his paper, throw it on the floor, and then he’d storm off in tears. And that’s pretty common with our kids.” (28:02)
• On Managing Parental Anxiety:
  • “If you’re anxious or you’re rushed, you’ll provoke a massive meltdown. So no standing over them, ‘Come on, you already know the answer!’” (28:32)
• On Writing Process:
  • “Vomit all of your thoughts onto paper. I know it’s disgusting, but it’s easy to remember.” (31:12)
• On Creative Solutions for Directions:
  • “Kids and husbands remember directions when you paint visual images in the brain, words kind of disappear, but images stick.” (40:55)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:13] - Understanding the distracted, disorganized brain
• [06:50] - Making directions concrete, specific, and fun
• [09:26] - The power of traditions for predictability
• [13:45] - Using non-verbal cues & music for transitions
• [15:54] - Lists, reminders, and creating independence
• [19:04] - Turning weaknesses into celebrated strengths
• [28:02] - Easing the writing process: brain dumps, structure, sensory tools
• [31:12] - The power of “vomiting” ideas onto paper; organizing messy thoughts
• [40:11] - Using visual imagery for directions and transitions

Further Resources

• Kirk offers to send “ADHD University” and “Brain Boosters” programs to teachers for free.
• Listeners can email for program help or financial assistance (Casey@CelebrateCalm.com).

Takeaways

Kirk’s practical, empathetic approach reframes everyday frustrations with organizational and academic tasks—not as deficits, but as opportunities to teach independence, celebrate unique strengths, and bring peace to parent-child relationships. The episode is rich with stories, humor, and specific tools for daily use.