Calm Parenting Podcast Summary: Episode #442 – Q&A on Social Skills, ADHD, Impulsivity, and More

Release Date: January 26, 2025

Host: Kirk Martin, Founder of Celebrate Calm
Podcast Title: Calm Parenting Podcast
Episode Title: Q&A: Social Skills, ADHD, Impulsivity, Physically Explosive, Testing, Refusal, Anxiety #442

Overview

In this special Q&A episode, Kirk Martin addresses a myriad of challenges faced by parents of strong-willed and neurodiverse children. Drawing from his extensive experience with over a million parents and 1,500 challenging kids, Martin provides actionable strategies to navigate issues such as ADHD, impulsivity, social skills deficits, physical explosiveness, anxiety, and resistance to medication. The episode is structured around real-life questions from listeners, allowing Martin to offer personalized insights and solutions.

1. Neuropsychological Testing for Children

Key Discussion:

• When to Consider Testing: Martin emphasizes that testing is beneficial if it can secure services in schools or provide unique insights beyond common diagnoses.

• Cost vs. Benefit: He cautions that comprehensive testing can be expensive and may only confirm what parents already observe about their child’s behavior.

Notable Quote:

“[00:03:15] ‘No matter what diagnosis you get, what label you put on it, at the end of the day, you have to understand what's going on inside your child's brain and heart so that you can help them at the root level.’”

Strategies:

• Prioritize understanding the child’s internal experiences over labels.
• Implement practical strategies before opting for costly testing.

2. Handling Lying and Stealing in Adopted Children

Key Discussion:

• Underlying Causes: Martin links such behaviors to unmet emotional needs and physiological understimulation, especially in adopted children who may have experienced early trauma.

• Positive Alternatives: Suggests channeling the child’s entrepreneurial spirit into positive outlets like small businesses or service projects.

Notable Quote:

“[00:05:42] ‘I know you've got a big heart. I know that you love money, because many of our kids do. They're not greedy. They just like it. They're born entrepreneurs.’”

Strategies:

• Recognize and address the root emotional needs driving the behavior.
• Provide alternative activities that fulfill the same psychological desires.

3. Managing Impulse Control and ADHD

Key Discussion:

• Impulse Control as a Skill: Emphasizes that impulse control must be practiced consistently in real-life settings like stores and restaurants.

• Alternative to Medication: For children resistant to medication, Martin advocates for strategies that manage energy and maintain momentum.

Notable Quote:

“[00:08:15] ‘Impulse control is a skill that you have to practice.’”

Strategies:

• Use delayed gratification techniques to build impulse control.
• Incorporate movement and sensory tools to help children focus and reduce hyperactivity.

4. Dealing with Physical Explosiveness in Children

Key Discussion:

• Relationship Dynamics: Physical outbursts often stem from broken relationships or unresolved emotions, such as feelings of abandonment.

• Validation and Support: Martin advises validating the child’s feelings and providing safe outlets for anger instead of enforcing rigid expectations.

Notable Quote:

“[00:14:30] ‘You need to validate the fact that yeah, you should be angry at your dad and you shouldn't want to talk to him right now. That is a very healthy thing to do.’”

Strategies:

• Acknowledge and normalize the child’s emotions.
• Establish positive activities and mentorship to channel aggressive energy.

5. Building Social Skills in Neurodiverse Children

Key Discussion:

• Asynchronous Development: Many neurodiverse children interact better with older peers or adults rather than children their own age.

• Respecting Individual Preferences: It's crucial to recognize and respect a child’s choice regarding social interactions while providing tools to improve social competence if desired.

Notable Quote:

“[00:20:10] ‘If you struggle with this, go back and listen. In July, I did two podcasts, two weeks in a row on social skills and sibling squabbles. I think you'll really help it.’”

Strategies:

• Use phrases that model adult-like communication without lecturing.
• Encourage deep, meaningful friendships if the child prefers fewer social interactions.

6. Strategies for the Teen Years

Key Discussion:

• Maintaining Connection: Emphasizes the importance of close connections and patience during the teenage years.

• Positive Reinforcement: Focus on honest praise and recognizing the child’s strengths without pushing for forced friendships.

Notable Quote:

“[00:23:50] ‘Connection is everything. Be the parents who don't do drama. Even though a teenager in tweens world is complete drama.’”

Strategies:

• Engage in activities that foster bonding without pressure.
• Provide opportunities for teens to shine using their natural talents and interests.

7. Handling Medication Refusal

Key Discussion:

• Creative Solutions: Martin shares success stories where making medication intake “gross” or using appealing mixtures helped reduce resistance.

• Consistency and Simplicity: Utilizing straightforward and honest strategies to encourage compliance.

Notable Quote:

“[00:27:30] ‘I like simple stuff like that.’”

Strategies:

• Incorporate playful or exaggerated tactics to make medication time quicker and less stressful.
• Adapt strategies based on what works best for the child’s temperament.

8. Addressing Anxiety and Refusal to Participate in Events

Key Discussion:

• Control Over the Unknown: Anxiety often arises from uncertainties; providing control over aspects of the event can alleviate fear.

• Collaborative Planning: Involving the child in planning helps them feel prepared and reduces anxiety.

Notable Quote:

“[00:31:45] ‘Anxiety is caused by unknowns, things out of my control. So what can your daughter control? What does she wear? What is the pre-dance dinner?’”

Strategies:

• Break down events into manageable and controllable parts.
• Engage in problem-solving conversations to address specific anxieties.

Conclusion

Kirk Martin’s insights in this episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast offer a compassionate and practical approach to managing the complexities of raising strong-willed and neurodiverse children. By focusing on understanding the underlying needs and emotions of children, validating their experiences, and providing actionable strategies, parents can foster a more harmonious and supportive environment. Whether dealing with behavioral issues, social skills deficits, or anxiety, Martin emphasizes the importance of connection, respect, and tailored interventions to support each child’s unique journey.

Final Quote:

“[00:35:00] ‘Moms and dads, thanks for sharing the podcast. Thank you for working so hard at this. We have so much respect for you.’”

For More Information:

• Website: www.CelebrateCalm.com
• Email: Casey@CelebrateCalm.com
• Programs: Explore the ADHD University Program and other resources at Celebrate Calm.

This episode provides invaluable guidance for parents navigating the challenges of raising children with diverse needs, emphasizing empathy, understanding, and strategic action to promote calm and effective parenting.