Calm Parenting Podcast

Quick Tips for Dads Ep. 1

Host: Kirk Martin
Date: September 1, 2025

Episode Overview

In this inaugural episode of "Quick Tips for Dads," host Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm, focuses on practical advice for fathers raising strong-willed children. Kirk draws on his extensive experience with challenging kids—including those with AD/HD, OCD, ODD, and ASD—to share life-changing strategies that avoid both authoritarian and overly lenient parenting models.

The central theme is breaking the cycle of constant correction and criticism, instead empowering dads to take a calm, authoritative, and affirming approach. Kirk delivers actionable dos and don'ts, making the episode concise, relatable, and instantly useful.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Challenging the Traditional Dad Model

• Kirk shares his background, growing up with a career military father known as "the Colonel," who used fear and intimidation as discipline ([02:04]).
• Many fathers struggle with not having positive role models and default to behaviors they experienced as children.
• Rejects both authoritarian and overly sweet approaches, advocating instead for calm, authoritative leadership:

  "I don't want to do the authoritarian approach, but I also don't want to do that really sweet approach that a lot of our wives do, because that doesn't work with strong-willed kids either." — Kirk ([02:22])

2. The Format of "Quick Tips for Dads"

• Short, actionable episodes (7-9 minutes each), released every two weeks.
• Each episode focuses on one specific behavior to stop and one to start.
• Designed to cater to dads' preference for direct, concise guidance.

  "Tell me what to do, tell me what to stop doing." ([03:04])

3. What to STOP: Correcting, Criticizing & Nitpicking

• Kirk urges dads to resist the impulse to correct, criticize, or point out mistakes for two weeks ([03:27]).
• Recognizes the struggle:

  "I know you're going to struggle with this because all men are like, 'If I'm not correcting my kids, then I'm not being a father.'" ([03:34])

• The constant effort to spare kids from making the same mistakes often leads to shutdown and resistance from children.
• Suggests involving spouses as gentle reminders (using a code word or physical cue to back off when dad’s in “lecture mode”) ([05:10]).

4. What to START: Affirm & Acknowledge the Positive

• Instead of pointing out flaws, intentionally notice and affirm what your child is already doing well—without qualifying statements or "buts."
• Praise should be straightforward and matter-of-fact, not gushing or fake:

  "Just affirm and notice what they're doing well and just acknowledge that. But you can't say 'but if you would just apply yourself more.' No buts in there." ([08:04])

• Examples of affirmations:
  • "Hey, I just saw your brother was irritating you and instead of reacting, you walked away. Man, that shows me you're growing up. Fist bump. Walk away." ([08:17])
  • "You know what I've noticed? When you argue with me, it shows good critical thinking skills. You're also very persuasive." ([08:33])
  • "You're very precise, which is useful if you want to be an architect, surgeon, or engineer." ([08:46])
• Emphasizes celebrating progress, not expecting perfection.

5. Reframing Strengths in Struggles

• Kirk shares how he reframed his son Casey’s focus on video games as a demonstration of valuable traits ([09:18]):

  "When you play Call of Duty 2, you are persistent, you don't give up until you win... You are a leader when you do that. You, when you play that, man, you don't let anything get in your way."

• Even if it felt hard or seemed untrue in the moment, Kirk insisted on affirming the positive attributes underlying his son’s behavior.

6. Final Challenge and Encouragement

• The “two-week challenge” recap:

  • Stop correcting and criticizing.
  • Start affirming real, observable positives; don’t use fake praise or mention other things you wish they’d change ([11:20]).

• Kirk wraps by honoring dads’ efforts and encouraging persistence:

  “Men, I respect you for this. Thanks for working so hard to be an awesome dad. Go out there and crush it.” ([11:41])

• Recommends related episode:

  “488 – 11 ways to correct your kids without provoking a big power struggle.” ([12:00])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On traditional correction:

  "You're hurting yourself. You're ruining your future... If you would just do these, you could optimize your life... you'll have an amazing future... I get that. And that impulse in you is really good. And we need dads who are teaching and showing. But I'm getting ahead of myself." ([03:52])

• On affirmation:

  "When I praise strong will kids, it is very even, matter of fact, it's just a statement of fact." ([08:14])

• On skills shown in arguments:

  "You have very good critical thinking skills because you listened to what I said and then you took that in and you came back with a counter argument. And that shows good thinking skills. You also are very persuasive in your communication." ([08:33])

• On his own growth:

  "And then I would walk out of the room and think, I don't know if I really believe that. And that was really hard for me." ([10:09])

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |---------------------------------------------|------------| | Kirk's childhood & parenting models | 02:00 | | Introduction to episode format | 03:00 | | STOP: Correcting/Criticizing/Nitpicking | 03:27 | | Strategy: Enlist spouse as gentle reminder | 05:10 | | START: Affirming & Acknowledging Positives | 08:04 | | Examples of effective affirmations | 08:17 | | Video games as a metaphor for strengths | 09:18 | | Two-week challenge recap | 11:20 | | Final encouragement & related episode promo | 11:41-12:00|

Takeaways

• Dads of strong-willed kids: Stop correcting and criticizing for two weeks; start affirming genuine strengths you see in your child—no strings attached.
• Practical challenge: Use your partner as an accountability ally; practice matter-of-fact affirmation.
• Mindset shift: Recognize and value attributes in your child—even in behaviors you don’t understand or appreciate (like arguing or gaming).
• Kirk’s tone: Honest, self-deprecating, encouraging, and practical—focused on simple, real-world application.

For more strategies, check out episode 488: "11 ways to correct your kids without provoking a big power struggle."