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So I meet people hiking now who recognize me from our Instagram videos. And yesterday a couple said, I hope you're not offended because your parenting advice has helped us with our two strong will kids. But we're even more glad that you introduced us to Cozy Earth. We have never slept better than with our Cozy Earth bamboo sheets and PJs. And I laughed because it was kind of refreshing not having to answer parenting questions on the trails. So instead, we took turns gushing over our Cozy Earth pullover shorts, bamboo sheets and pants. The guy was like, feel how soft this pullover is. And I was like, dude, I know I wasn't lying when I said we live in Cozy Earth and you have to try the new bubble Cuddle blanket. Head to cozyearth.com use my code CALM for 20% off. Best selling sheets, towels, pajamas and more. Make sure Cozy Earth knows we sent you. That's cozyearth.com and cozy earth calm for 20% off. So how do we discipline without drama? How do we discipline in such a way that it actually causes our kids to respect us more and it actually works? That's we're going to talk about on this episode of the Quick Tips for dad series. So welcome. This is Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm. So let's jump into this, men. And I know there are many wives listening as well, so welcome to you as well. So look, remember, discipline means to teach. To teach by modeling. It means to show kids a different way to handle things. It's more about problem solving. Guys, when we're at work and we've got, say, a younger colleague or someone who messes up, hopefully we're not just going around yelling at them like, go to your cubicle. No, we're pulling them aside and we're teaching and showing them a different way to do their job to get better results. It's not about punishing, sending kids to their room. It's not about using fear and intimidation. So here's the one thing I want you and I to stop doing. And I was guilty of this for a long time. Stop just barking consequences at your kids that you can't keep. I would do this. I get so frustrated. And I kind of felt helpless. Like, why is my son doing this? Why does it have to be so difficult? And I get frustrated. Say, you know what? No video games, no food for two weeks. Well, obviously you can't enforce that. Or I do something like no video games for two weeks. And then I would go away on a business, business trip and I would leave my wife to actually have to follow through. And what happens is your kids know that you can't actually enforce your consequence and so your kids begin to lose respect for you and your wife loses respect for you. So I don't want that to happen. So here is one aspect of how I like to do discipline. It's called keeping your promises. So here's the language. Hey, look, I promise if you choose to do X well, this will be the outcome, right? Hey, I promise you if you continue to speed teenager while you're driving, you will have chosen to lose your driver's license for the next three weeks. And I'll do a few more examples. But here's why I like the language. Because it's about, hey, I'm making a promise to you and then instead of just enforcing the consequence, I'm keeping my promise. Well, that speaks of personal integrity. So you can trust me when I tell you something. Oh, I just do what I told you I was going to do. And what I want you to hear right now even in this example is even matter of fact tone. Hey, you know what, that's just not going to work here. I remember one time when Casey, our son, came in late, past his curfew and I did didn't look up when he walked into the house. I was up like reading and I just said, hey, did you have a good time? He's like yeah. And I said well great. I said, well just remember to drop your keys and driver's license on the kitchen table. Because what was agreed upon was I promise you if you continue to miss your curfew, you will lose your license and keys for the next two weeks. See, there's no drama. Your kids will create drama, but you don't have to participate in that drama. So let's see how we apply this to discipline your kids with their screens because this is a huge deal nowadays. First I'm going to ask you to listen to a 60 second ad because I make 2.5 cents from that and I appreciate you doing that. No one really understands how many details you as moms and dads have to manage every single day. That mental load can be exhausting. With Skylake calendar you can relax knowing all the details of your family schedule are visually displayed in one place with different colors for each family member. That brings peace of mind knowing there will be no more last minute surprises that often trigger your kids. Skylight calendar seamlessly syncs all of your calendars. You can manage events, chores, even grocery lists on the go. With the free Skylight app and that means less stress. Try it for 120 days and if you're not 100% thrilled, you can return it for a full refund, no questions asked. Right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15 inch calendars by going to myskylight.com parenting that's myskylight.com parenting for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. My S, K, Y L I G H T.com parentheses parenting so let's apply this to screens because it's a big deal in our homes and I think we can use this in order to teach our kids impulse control. They don't have it, so we have to teach. So here's one example of how to do it. So you've got a couple kids and I say, hey, this afternoon I'm going to give you 43 minutes to play your video games. I like interesting time limits because the specificity is grounding. And also for your kids, neurodivergent kind of ADHD kids. It sticks in the brain. So here's how it works, guys, I'm going to give you 43 minutes to play your video games. But here's what's not happening anymore. When I come in and say, hey, time to get off your video games, I don't want that whole, hold on, we need to save it. We need to get to next level. Wait, can't we just have 10 more minutes? I want to eliminate that drama because it is draining. So I said, guys, I'm going to make you a promise. If when I come in after 43 minutes, you do not turn off that video game immediately, I promise you will have chosen to lose your video games for the next two days. I didn't say the next two months. Talk, you know, talk this over with your wife beforehand so you come up with some common, a common agreement ahead of time on what the consequences can be. So when I come back into the room, look, when they're little, I'm going to maybe set a, give them a little reminder for it. But I want to come in and say, guys, time. Now, as they get older, I want them to learn to do it on their own without you having to remind them. Now if they start that whole hold on, that's not fair. We didn't get, you know, guys, I just wanted to remind you, you just chose to lose these for the next two days even. Matter of fact, there's no drama. I'm not lecturing. You know what, When I was a kid, we didn't have these things. You Know what? How many times do I have to tell you if you're going to. No, none of that drama. It is short and sweet. And I simply do what I promised you I was going to do, and quickly they will learn. Oh, I can trust you. Because when you tell me something. Yeah, you go ahead and do it. Now, let me give you one more. In this, it is this. So let's say your kids, you give them an hour to be on their screens of any kind. And you could say this. Hey, if you turn your screens off three minutes early tonight, because I'm a realist and it's hard for them, so I'm not going to give it 10 minutes. If you turn your screens off just three minutes early tonight, I will give you an additional eight minutes on your screens tomorrow night. What I'm doing is teaching them delayed gratification, that if they do that, if they give up a few minutes now, they'll get more minutes next night. Now, obviously, you have to put limits on this. This is just an example. But again, keep your promises so dads out there stop barking. Consequences, giving consequences you can't keep. Instead, keep your promise. And I found as a guy, I actually use this in all my relationships, whether it's in business with friends. Friends. Because you know what? It holds me accountable to actually say, hey, if I'm going to promise you something, that means I'm going to do it. And, guys, we're very big into personal integrity. And so you can mix this together and teach your kids impulse control and delayed gratification all works together. I would encourage you. I just did a whole episode on Consequences. And what's even better than that, it's episode five. 22 is on September 28th, so take some time. It's only like 22 minutes long. Listen that. Hey, thank you for listening to this series. I appreciate you digging in, doing the hard work as a dad, because this makes a big difference. And your wife will love this so much if you will stop putting her in the position of having to be responsible. And she knows, oh, that's really cool. So, hey, much respect to you all. Bye. Bye.