Calm Parenting Podcast – Quick Tips for Dads Ep. 5: Navigating the Landmine of Kids & Sports

Host: Kirk Martin
Release Date: November 1, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Kirk Martin addresses the emotionally charged landscape of kids and sports, especially from a dad’s perspective. Drawing from his personal journey as an athlete and father—and work with thousands of families—Kirk offers relatable stories, practical strategies, and crucial mindset shifts to help parents avoid common traps: power struggles, misplaced expectations, and the pressure to turn childhood sports into something it’s not. The core message: focus on supporting your child as they are, not as you wish they’d be, particularly in the high-stakes, emotionally fraught arena of youth sports.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Reconciling Parental Expectations With Kids’ Realities

• Kirk’s Story: Kirk, a self-identified “hyper-competitive” kid, looked forward to sharing his love for sports with his own son, Casey, only to realize Casey wasn’t interested in traditional team sports.

  • “Guess what? He didn’t like ball sports. He wasn’t very athletic when he was young. So it’s like, what am I going to bond with my son over?” (03:07)

• Acceptance is Key: The process involved embarrassment, frustration, and learning to accept Casey as he was—including his disinterest in competition.

  • “That was when I learned that my son was just different. Different than I was. That he wasn’t motivated by the same things as I was. And I had to accept him as he is...” (04:00)

• Kids Change Over Time: Parental hopes need to be flexible. Kirk shares how, now as adults, his relationship with Casey has a new competitive edge—in hiking, not in team sports.

2. Individual vs. Team Sports – Honoring Differences

• Many strong-willed, intense kids struggle with team sports but thrive in individual activities where they can challenge themselves without social pressures.

  • “Many of our kids... gravitate toward more individual activities like rock climbing, gymnastics, martial arts, ballet, swimming.” (05:05)

• Sometimes, kids pick pursuits their parents know nothing about—carving out a space where they can be self-directed and free from parental control.

  • “My son... does ski mountaineering... because I don’t know how to do it. So I can’t give him advice. And that works much better.” (10:02)

3. Coaching Without Damaging Relationships

• If you must coach your child’s team, delegate discipline and direction during games to another adult—swap with another parent to minimize pressure and preserve the parent-child relationship.
  • “I had another father coach direct and discipline Casey during the game. And I did the same for his son... The only thing I was allowed to do was walk by, tap Casey’s helmet... and say, ‘hey, good job out there.’” (06:18)

4. Five Essential Tips for Keeping Sports Fun—Not a Battlefield

Kirk lays out a clear, five-point approach for parents:

Tip 1: Remember They’re Kids, Not Olympians

• Don’t lose perspective—most children won’t become professional athletes. Sports are just a phase, not their destiny.
  • “Your son or daughter are not going to be professional athletes or Olympians... they’re just kids who... are playing a game.” (07:24)

Tip 2: Understand How Strong-Willed Kids Work

• These kids resist extra practice and external pushing. Pushing harder rarely works; internal motivation is key.
  • “Your strong willed kids are not going to practice hard... Even if they have all that potential... They’re just not going to do it. Most of them won’t. Especially if you’re overbearing.” (08:05)

Tip 3: Say Nothing During the Game

• The best tactic is silence—no coaching, no yelling. “Buy duct tape” as a humorous metaphor for keeping yourself quiet.
  • “You are not allowed to say anything during the game. Nothing. Yelling doesn’t help. It just makes us look like idiots on the sideline.” (13:10)

Tip 4: Only Positive Feedback After the Game

• After games, focus purely on encouragement. No critiques or analysis—just ask if they had fun and compliment specific efforts.
  • “Here are the only things you can say: ‘Hey, did you have fun?’, ‘You did really well with A, B, and C out there. Proud of you. Fist bump.’ That’s it.” (14:12)
  • “You would hate your boss if... before you left the office, your boss... picked out three things you didn’t do well. So don’t do it to your kids.” (14:41)

Tip 5: Offer Practice Only If Invited—And Walk Away

• Wait for your child to come to you for help. Offer, then leave the ball in their court.
  • “Hey, if you want to come play catch or talk sometime, I’ll practice anything you want help with, and then walk away. Leave it.” (15:10)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On parental competitiveness and learning:

  • “I was on the side of the rink, like, pounding on the glass, like, ‘no, you got to put that kid’s head through the glass!’ because I was hyper-competitive...” (03:47)

• From Casey’s perspective (Kirk quoting his son):

  • “My dad used to yell at me during and after every single game, and all it did was make me want to quit. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right, so what was the point in even playing anymore?” (16:12)
  • “When my dad started complimenting me, I began to ask him for feedback after the game... he was able to give it to me in a way that was constructive and that I respected.” (16:40)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:07] – Kirk’s realization about his son’s lack of interest in sports
• [04:00] – Learning to accept your child as they are
• [05:05] – Kids gravitating toward individual sports
• [06:18] – Coaching your own kid: How to avoid conflict
• [07:24] – “They’re kids, not Olympians” mindshift
• [08:05] – Strong-willed kids resist extra pressure
• [13:10] – The “duct tape” rule: Stay silent during games
• [14:12] – Keeping post-game feedback positive
• [16:12] – How criticism drives kids away: Casey’s reflection
• [16:40] – The positive effect of waiting for kids to seek feedback

Tone and Style

Kirk delivers his advice with humor, humility, and firsthand honesty, mixing vivid personal anecdotes with practical takeaways. His approach is pragmatic, warm, and acknowledges the emotional complexity of parenting—especially when competitive instincts are involved.

Takeaway Message

Let kids own their sports journey. Support them without projecting your childhood or competitive ambitions onto them. Accept their interests and pace, keep feedback positive and minimal, and cherish the relationship above any scoreboard.

For more practical resources, visit CelebrateCalm.com or email Casey@CelebrateCalm.com