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So I'm kind of different because I like the adrenaline rush of waiting until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. But I'm almost done because I got everyone I care about Cozy earth sheets and PJs and casual wear. Why? Because I live in Cozy Earth all day and I know how relaxed it makes me feel. And it's kind of fun using my own code calm@cozyearth.com to get extra savings on their Black Friday specials. Right now I'm even getting gifts for Casey's friends because I want them to be cool like me. So last year I bought myself Cozy Earth pullovers, joggers, and 3/4 zip shirts because I knew that's what I wanted. And that was even before they were a sponsor. Black Friday has come early at Cozy Earth. So use my Code calm to get 40% off in savings on top of their site wide sale@cozyearth.com Start your holiday shopping today at cozyearth.com and use code CALM for up to 40% off. Great deals and let Cozy Earth know the Calm parenting podcast guy sent you. Okay, let's talk kids and sports, because that is a landmine for dads. So I want to share some insights and tips with you. That's what we're going to talk about on this episode of Quick Tips for Dads. And welcome to the moms who are listening as well. I struggled with this a lot because when I was a kid, I was a really good athlete. My entire childhood was spent playing outside with friends and on teams. So it was a huge part of my identity. And then we had a son, and Casey comes along. I'm like, awesome. We're going to play sports. I'm going to teach him how to do this. And guess what? He didn't like ball sports. He wasn't very athletic when he was young. So it's like, what am I going to bond with my son over? And then it was embarrassing at times. I remember he was playing soccer. They put him in goal. He wasn't even paying attention to the game. He was turned around looking at other kids, and it was frustrating. And then he went on to play hockey, and I was a freak at the time. I would be in the stands just yelling at him. I remember one time a kid skated around him because he played defense and scored. And Casey went over and I saw him. He was like, nice goal. And I was on the side of the rink, like, pounding on the glass, like, no, you got to put that kid's head through the glass because I was hyper competitive as a kid. And you know what? That was when I learned that my son was just different. Different than I was. That he wasn't motivated by the same things as I was. And I had to accept him as he is, that he was never going to be that super competitive kid. By the way, they change. Now he's a grown adult. And guess what? I'm beating him this year on our hiking. I've got almost 400,000ft of elevation of vert this year, and he doesn't even have that. So we're still. Because I have more time than he does to go climbing. So what I will tell you as well is that many of our kids, they're not that great at team sports, but they gravitate toward more individual activities like rock climbing, gymnastics, martial arts, ballet, swimming. So keep that in mind. So a couple question guys ask. How do I coach my child's team without it ruining our relationship? Look, I love you being involved with your kids. It's awesome. I coached Casey's hockey team one year. Here was the arrangement we had. I had another father coach direct and discipline Casey during the game. And I did the same for his son. The only thing I was allowed to do was walk by, tap Casey's helmet in an affirming way and say, hey, good job out there. That's it. Otherwise, it just doesn't work because there's too much pressure on you and your child during those moments. Now, the other question I want to get to is how do we keep from yelling at our kids when they play sports? One is to realize your kids can't even hear you because they're 1800 other parents over there on the sidelines also screaming. So here's five tips for you. Number one, just realize your son and daughter are not going to be professional athletes or Olympians. It's very rare. They're just kids who for a period of time are playing a game. Number two, your strong will. Kids are not going to practice hard. They're not going to do the extra work, even if they have all that potential. And I know it's going to drive you crazy. Like if they would just practice. I never had an opportunity to do plyometrics. And we're willing to pay for tutors and coaches to teach you these things. They're just not going to do it. Most of them won't. Especially if you're overbearing. So don't spend extra money on equipment and fees playing travel sports. If your child is not internally motivated, know that strong will Kids often choose activities to pursue that you are not good at doing. It creates their own space. Casey, our son, does ski mountaineering, goes hikes up 4,000ft on his skis and skis down. You know why he does that? Partly because he loves it. He needs the intensity, the sensory needs. But it's also because I don't know how to do it. So I can't give him advice. And that works much better. Okay, I'm going to ask you if you want listen to episode 529 on October 22nd a couple weeks ago that I did. Who on Kids who Don't Listen to you, and I used an example of a kid who plays golf. I think you'll find that helpful. Okay, number three. Oh, first I'm going to ask you to listen to a 60 second ad so that I can make 2.5 cents. So if you go into our extra bedroom, you will see a pile of wrapped gifts ready for Christmas. Because Mrs. Calm loves doing early shopping. So she is psyched that Wayfair's Black Friday sale starts now. Just like our Black Friday sale. Get up to 70% off@wayfair.com we have four items arriving today from Wayfair, including a cabinet for her art supplies, these cool little lanterns for outside when we get home after dark, and cookware gifts for Casey and his wife. We like the fast, free shipping that makes shopping easy. Wayfair is the place to shop for all things home. Everything from sofas to spatulas. You can get up to 70% off during Wayfair's Black Friday sale. You've got enough stress in your life, so shop stress free at Wayfair and don't miss out on early Black Friday deals. Head to Wayfair.com now to shop Wayfair's Black Friday deals for up to 70% off. That's W A Y F A I R.com sale ends December 7th. Hey, thank you for listening to that. Okay, number three, buy duct tape. You are not allowed to say anything during the game. Nothing. Nothing. Yelling doesn't help. It just makes us look like idiots. Idiots on the sideline. Save your energy. Number four, after the game, here are the only things you can say. Hey, did you have fun? Hey, you know what? You did really well with doing A, B and C out there. Proud of you. Fist bump. That's it. Keep all of your criticism to yourself. You would hate your boss if every day before you left the office, your boss called you aside and picked out three things you didn't do well. So don't do it to your kids. Number five now, sometime, well after the game, maybe the next day, you can say the following. Hey, if you want to come play catch or talk sometime, I'll practice anything that you want help with and then walk away. Leave it. You want your child coming to you saying, hey, Dad, I really need some help learning how to catch fly balls. Will you hit me a few? And here's what my son tells men when he speaks to dads. He said, my dad used to yell at me during and after every single game, and all it did was make me want to quit. I felt like I couldn't do anything right, so what was the point in even playing anymore? Sometimes I get off the ice knowing I played a really good game, and instead of acknowledging that I had an assist and scored a goal, my dad would bring up my three missed opportunities. When my dad started complimenting me, I began to ask him for feedback after the game. Not right after, but later in the day, I would ask him for his insight and he was able to give it to me in a way that was constructive and that I respect it. Now, some of you have kids who will lose it emotionally when they lose a board game or at sports and they'll throw their tennis racket. If you have our programs, go through the Discipline that Works program. I go through that in great detail. If you don't have it, got a Black Friday sale. Just get it. It will change your family. It will change you dads and moms. Much respect to you for working so hard to change. If you need some help, reach out to caseyelebratecalm.com and we'd be glad to help.