Episode Overview

Podcast: Calm Parenting Podcast
Host: Kirk Martin
Episode: Quick Tips for Dads Ep. 7: Ever Get Triggered? Try These 3 Steps
Date: December 5, 2025

In this focused and practical episode, Kirk Martin zeroes in on the challenge of being triggered as a parent—especially for dads. He explains why getting triggered is normal, offers a three-step process to manage triggers, and delivers funny, honest, and relatable examples from his own life. The episode is specifically designed for parents raising strong-willed children but is packed with wisdom for anyone who finds themselves reacting to stress in family life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Normalizing Triggers (02:00)

• Main Point: Everyone gets triggered—whether by lateness, defiance, disorganization, or emotional outbursts.
• Quote:

  "Do you ever get triggered by your kids being late or not listening to you or little things going wrong? Of course you do. Because you're human. We all get triggered. There's nothing wrong with that at all." (02:03 - Kirk Martin)

2. Step 1: Identify Your Triggers (02:30)

• SWOT Analysis Metaphor: Kirk encourages listeners to borrow the mindset of sports teams and businesses—know your vulnerabilities (triggers).
• Practical Exercise:
  • Ask your family what your triggers are—they’ll know!
  • Common Triggers:
    • Kids being late or not listening
    • Messes
    • Sibling fights
    • Missing an exit while driving
    • Your spouse being emotional
• Anecdote:
  • Kirk shares his military upbringing and how his dad’s standards for punctuality became a personal trigger:

    "If you're not five minutes early, lined up and standing at attention, well then he considered you late." (03:09)

3. Step 2: Map Out Your Reaction Pattern (04:10)

• Self-Reflection Example:
  • Missing a highway exit leads Kirk to self-criticism (“Why did I do that? I’m so stupid.”), which turns into time anxiety and, ultimately, tension and conflict in the car.
• Quote:

  "Now because my stupid missing that exit, now I’m going to drive even faster. So what happens? It gets very tense in the car and then you’re more likely to snap at your child and then your wife feels like she has to run interference for you and then that makes you more upset. See how that works?" (04:32)

4. Step 3: Develop a Calming Routine (05:16)

• Routine Importance:
  • Use the analogy of football teams drilling under pressure.
  • You need a practiced, go-to calming strategy for when you’re triggered.
• Suggestions for Calming Activities:
  • Hot shower
  • Organizing the garage ("I can make this space look better. This is within my control.")
  • Mowing the lawn
  • Run, push-ups, building something, sitting and reading, making a list
  • Listening to music, a quick nap
• Quote:

  "One of my first ones was I just sat down. You know why? Because it is very hard to yell and get upset when you’re sitting down. It’s much easier when you’re standing up and pacing through the house." (06:49)

5. Shortcut: Do the Opposite of Your Impulse (07:30)

• Counterintuitive Practice: Instead of escalating, do the opposite of your initial impulse.
• Casey Story:
  • When Kirk’s son would dawdle, Kirk’s repeated urges (“Casey, grab your backpack”) only slowed him down more.
  • Realization: The child wasn’t rejecting authority, but responding to parental anxiety.
  • New Approach: Sit, speak in an even tone, ask questions, or even offer a compliment.
• Quote:

  “He wasn’t rejecting my authority, he was rejecting my anxiety.” (08:17)

• Memorable Tip:

  "Do the opposite of what you normally do." (07:57)

6. Ongoing Support and Encouragement (09:08)

• Offers Calm Parenting resources for deeper work and points out that working on triggers is a powerful gift to your family.
• Quote:

  "If you say, you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to work on myself, I’m going to work on my triggers, and I guarantee she’ll be like, that’s all I want for Christmas and my birthday for the next five years. Because that’s what my wife said to me." (09:27)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “The strong-willed child lives to push your buttons. And that’s not your child’s issue, that’s yours, because you have so many buttons to push.” (03:20)
• “[When you get upset] it’s usually because something’s out of our control. That’s why when kids get upset, my first step is not to say you need to calm down, it’s to give them something they feel in control of.” (05:35)
• “It is very hard to yell and get upset when you’re sitting down.” (06:51)
• “He wasn’t rejecting my authority, he was rejecting my anxiety. And that was triggering me.” (08:17)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:03 — Normalizing parental triggers
• 02:30 — Identifying and owning your triggers
• 03:09 — Personal anecdote: Military punctuality as a lifelong trigger
• 04:10 — Mapping out your reaction chain
• 05:16 — Calming routines & why they matter
• 06:49 — The power of sitting down
• 07:30 — Doing the opposite—new strategies with strong-willed kids
• 08:17 — Recognizing child’s response to parental anxiety
• 09:08 — Invitation for further help and encouragement

Takeaways

• Getting triggered is universal and nothing to be ashamed of.
• The three-step approach:
  1. Identify your specific triggers.
  2. Map your typical reaction pattern and acknowledge the escalation.
  3. Create & practice a calming routine—have a concrete, practiced plan for what to do when triggered.
• Sometimes, doing the opposite of your first instinct can break the escalation cycle.
• Working on your triggers is a meaningful gift to your family—and yourself.

For more resources or personalized help, Kirk Martin invites listeners to explore the Calm Parenting programs (“30 Days to Calm,” “Dad’s program”), emphasizing that positive change starts with the parent’s self-awareness and willingness to do the work.