← Calm Parenting Podcast
Loading summary
Transcript4 lines
- [00:00]
A
This Christmas, give the gift that transforms every night into a holiday. Cozy Earth Bamboo Sheets. It's a gift your loved ones will use more than anything else they unwrap. Cozy Earth Bamboo sheets are so heavenly, soft and temperature regulating that we take them with us when we travel because it kind of turns bedtime into bliss. Imagine giving someone eight hours of pure comfort night after night, year after year. That's what Cozy Earth Bamboo Sheets are a gift that keeps paying off in better sleep, brighter mornings and a calmer life. Wrap up comfort, wrap up luxury, wrap up the best sleep they've ever had. Cozy Earth Bamboo Sheets because the best gifts are the ones they feel every night. Head to cozyearth.com use my code CALM for up to 40% off and if you place your order by December 12th, you'll get guaranteed Christmas delivery. If you're listening to this after the 12th, don't worry, my code still works year round for 20% off. That's cozyearth.com calm and code calm did.
- [01:09]
B
You know that parents rank financial literacy as the number one most difficult life skill to teach? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app for families with Greenlight. You can send money to kids quickly, set up chores, automate allowance, and keep an eye on your kids spending with real time notifications, kids learn to earn, save and spend wisely and parents can rest easy knowing their kids are learning about money with guardrails in place. Try Greenlight Risk free today@greenlight.com wondery do.
- [01:41]
A
You have a child who struggles with focus and attention? Is easily distracted, forgetful, maybe struggles with executive function and short term memory? Has trouble sitting still? Fidgets a lot? Is restless? Maybe you have a child who has impulse control issues and blurts out, who doesn't follow directions well, perhaps they're disorganized and time management is really difficult. Many of your kids struggle with anxiety and sensory processing issues. Do you ever get calls from school or even struggle with homeschooling your child? These are all really common struggles our kids experience. Whether you want to call them neurodivergent or kids with ADD ADHD to it doesn't matter to me. So should you medicate your child? If not, what are the alternatives? That is what we're going to discuss on today's episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast. So welcome. This is Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm and you can find us at our popular Christmas sale@celebratecalm.com and if you couldn't tell, I probably have a lot of the traits associated with ADHD So let's jump right into this. Some of you have a teacher or school recommend that you medicate your child. That is not right and sometimes it's not legal for them to do. And I don't like the pressure it puts on parents because it continually reinforces what we discuss all the time. Yep. We're trying once again to change a child instead of changing our approach. And in a few minutes, I'm going to give you 25 different tools to help your kids. And we'll also discuss medication. So here, here's how we think about medication. Look, I think we all would probably agree it's kind of a last resort because of all the serious side effects. Some kids hate the way they feel on medication. Some lose their appetite and feel lethargic. So a couple analogies. In the springtime, I struggle with pollen allergies, so I try to change my diet. And I eliminate dairy, sugar, and wheat because they're inflammatory. Now, if I need additional help during peak pollen season, I'll sometimes take Claritin for a brief period. Now, as a whole, we're really, really, really lucky as a couple to not be on any medication. So let's say I go to the doctor and my bad cholesterol is too high. I would not want the doctor to immediately put me on medication. Instead, I'd want to try all the other tools. First, change my diet, get exercise, reduce stress, and then I come back in three to six months and I check my cholesterol. And. And if the natural tools I'm using are helping, well, I'll just continue on that track. Now, if for some reason my body needed some extra help from medication, I'd consider taking a low dose while continuing with my diet and exercise changes. Now, look, I've done this for a long time. I've worked with almost a million families. I've worked with kids who have benefited from some medication at a particular time. It was like giving them glasses to wear if they were having trouble, trouble seeing. Now, do I want them to be on medication forever? No. But people have different family circumstances. Medication can help. So I don't want to judge other people with that. I just want to look at it in a healthy way. So this is the framework I recommend if you have a child who has any of these symptoms. And again, to me, I don't really care about the diagnosis. I just look at the different symptoms and traits. And I like this to be very specific because it's not helpful to me to say, well, my child has adhd. I'm like, okay, that's way too broad. That can mean a hundred different things. So I want to develop very specific tools to help with very specific symptoms or struggles. So get out of pad of paper, on the left hand side of that pad of paper, make a list of of all of your child's specific symptoms or struggles. Now, I have a list here and it's organized into five sections. The first block of struggles is focus and inattention, easily distracted, executive function, following through on directions and forgetfulness. My second block is a child who struggles with sitting still, is fidgety and restless. The third section is impulse control, talks a lot, blurts out. The fourth block, disorganization, time management, struggles with short term memory. And then the fifth section is anxiety and sensory issues because those are comorbid conditions that many of our kids struggle with. So along the top of the sheet of paper, what are all the different tools we can use to help your child be successful? So I've listed the following. Changing diet, exercise, sensory pressure and exercise, parental self control and modeling. Proactively stimulating the brain, creating order and eliminating unknowns, Teaching kids new skills. And all the way at the right side of the top of the paper, I have medication as a last resort. And so what I like to do is begin working through each of these different sections. So this will probably take three hours if I listed everything because this is all in greater detail in our ADHD university program. It's part of the 17 programs we have with a Christmas sale. But I'm going to try to fit in a lot of ideas in the next 22 minutes. So we begin with things more within your control. Change your child's diet. I know this can be a challenge because many of you have kids who struggle with anxiety which upsets their stomach, so they seek simple carbs and comfort food foods. But we'll try to eliminate as much as possible sugar, food, dyes, preservatives and processed foods. Add more protein, anything healthy you can get your kids to eat. If your child's gut doesn't feel good or if they are hungry in school, that will cause them to be more irritable and distracted. So try to make some progress here. I've covered that in different podcasts, even seeing, say, functional medicine doctor to check on gut issues, lead your kids outside to get sensory exercise. I say lead them because you're probably going to have to get out there and play with them. So make it fun. Hide things in the woods, climb trees, get muddy, skip stones in the stream, get them crawling under or over Things Pushing and pulling bags of mulch, swinging. Hide their breakfast outside so they can get sensory needs met before school. Most of your kids are going to gravitate toward independent activities like rock climbing, martial arts, swimming, hobbies, hockey, gymnastics. All of those things are great because they meet sensory needs. And I can meet sensory needs and get kids movement which helps with focus and attention in the classroom. I just conducted training for teachers this morning via Zoom in Alexandria, Virginia and if you want us to do that, just email Casey about that. And I showed them how to meet sensory needs and get both hemispheres of the brain working together by just playing a Simon says game. You just stop class in the middle of class or beginning class for a minute and a half. Hey, Simon says touch your left knee with your right hand. Well, what are you doing? You're moving across the midline of your brain and body. It's cross brain stimulation. Hey, Simon says squeeze your elbows really tightly. Well, now I'm getting sensory pressure. And I demonstrated how to challenge kids with hey, bet you can't do 10 chair push ups in the beginning or middle of class for for a 60 second break, you put your palms down by your sides on the chair and then you lift up. It's easy and helpful for your kids. It's free, it's natural, it works. So you know that continuing to learn how to control your own emotions and impulses will help your kids self regulate. Practicing impulse control with your kids with their screens and with practical things every day can make a huge difference. And I've covered that in other episodes. Your perspective is important. Here are a couple of things I would not worry about.
- [10:05]
I hate the papal people label our kids as hyperactive. Look, when you put kids with a lot of energy like our son in the right environment, that energy is a distinct advantage. Our son excels leading in a dynamic, fast paced environment and skiing up mountains. But he always got labeled because he had trouble sitting still in a chair for seven hours at school. But that's an arbitrary environment. In the real world. These kids get jobs that require or allow them to move and it becomes an advantage. Our kids struggle to focus on subjects they're not interested in. That's the way the brain is supposed to work. Know that many of your kids are going to hyper focus on a very specific skill set or or interest in life. They're not usually generalists. They'll go very deep in a specific field. My oldest brother is the world's foremost expert in his niche field. You don't have to be good at Everything. Even though everybody tells our kids that lie. I like giving kids perspective. I explain clearly to Casey, hey, everybody has weaknesses and corresponding strengths. The key to being successful in life is spending 90% of your time and energy cultivating your unique strengths, not fixing every supposed weakness. I would tell them, look, you're going to struggle with sitting still and memorizing information for tests because that requires short term memory. But the real world values your critical thinking skills, your ability to see patterns and make decisions and lead other people, and all of your energy. So you'll struggle in school with arbitrary expectations. Oh, but you're going to struggle. You're going to crush it in the real world. And, and that has proven true. I did two really excellent episodes last spring. They're titled A script to explain your child's diagnosis or struggles. Episodes number 490 and 491. Really, really helpful. One way to combat anxiety and meltdowns is to eliminate unknowns. One of our favorite strategies on Sunday night was discussing the week's schedule ahead of time. Because your kids aren't great when you change plan plans at the last minute. So we'd say, hey, I know usually on Wednesday you do X, but this Wednesday you have a doctor's appointment. We always had a whiteboard in the kitchen. It's great because you have multiple kids so they can visually see what's going on that week. Now what I want to cover are the big issues and strategies that you can do and use to help your kids with focus and attention, managing their time, organization, et cetera. So the first section was trouble with focus and attention. Easily distracted, executive function issues, forgetfulness. And a lot of those things are related to brain stimulation issues. Because many of your kids don't get enough blood flow to the brain. Their brains are physiologically under stimulated. Which is why your kids are always trying to stimulate their brains. You've noticed this. How do they do it? Poking their brother, getting a reaction from siblings, arguing with you, pushing your buttons because then you get upset. Procrastination. Look, if you wait till the last minute, guess what? You get an adrenaline rush because now there's pressure and you get blood flow to the brain and it actually helps you focus more. That's why sometimes kids laying off the sofa upside down, blood flow is rushing to their brain. It helps them focus. Fidgeting. Fidgeting is a fantastic way to stimulate your brain. We just have to do it in appropriate ways during homework time and in school. So all those activities are designed to stimulate their brains. Well, what do medications usually do? Well, usually they are stimulants. So what I'd rather do at first is say, hey, what are all the positive ways my child can stimulate his or her brain naturally to help with focus and attention? Chewing gum or a snack or the tassels of their hoodie sweatshirt improves concentration in class. Don't forget to stimulate their olfactory senses. Why do some of us like working in a Panera bread or a coffee shop? I don't even drink coffee, but this smell stimulates my olfactory senses and I concentrate better there. So sometimes during homework light a candle with a certain scent or have their kids do homework while you're cooking. I know a lot of parents now who are taking their kids out to do tough work assignments out at a restaurant for this very reason. Plus like coffee shop makes your kids feel like they're in college or older. I used to put a little of my this is weird but I used to put a little of my edge gel shaving lotion under Casey's nose when he was little. It would stimulate his brain and he liked feeling like a grown up who shaved. Okay, think about this. How many of you have kids who will rock back on the legs of the chair? Well, why are they doing that? I want you to be relaxed this holiday season because you're such busy parents. Wayfair.com just made gift giving easy for us. We have so many different people to buy gifts for with such different tastes and needs. So we went to wayfair.com and got wine glasses and a decanter for our wine enthusiasts, an espresso machine for the coffee lovers, throws and sofa pillows for relatives who moved into a new home and a cute dog bed. Boom. Done all in one place. All of these great gifts ship fast and free and I love that we get accurate email updates for delivery from one place, not like seven different online shops. So we know what is coming when. Get last minute hosting essentials, gifts for all your loved ones and decor to celebrate the holidays. For way less head to Wayfair.com right now to get to shop all things home. That's W a Y f a I r.com Wayfair Every style Every home. So you know what brings us a lot of joy? Getting a text from our daughter in law saying OMG this hungry root, coconut curry, broccoli and pepper bowl is to die for. Like many young couples, she and our son are working extra long hours during the holidays so we're treating them to a couple extra hungry root meals each week. They love hungryroot because it eliminates having to decide what to have for dinner and making that stop at the grocery store when they're tired and hungry. Hungryroot replaces expensive carry out with healthy, delicious meals that only take minutes to prepare. Plus, you can find kids meals that even picky kids love. We love Hungerroot. So take advantage of our exclusive offer. Go to hungryroot.com calm and use code CALM to get 40% off your first box. Plus get get a free item in every box for life. That's hungryroot.com calm code calm to get 40% off your first box. Hungryroot.com calm code calm so rocking back on their chair provides this good sensory pressure on their backs and on their legs. It feels good. There's also brain stimulation because look, when I'm rocking back on a chair, oh, there's a good chance I could fall backwards and crack my head open. I, I know it might not be the way your brain thinks and how you process things, but that's what they're thinking. They love that challenge. We just have to meet those sensory needs in positive ways. So I've mentioned this. They can do homework standing at the kitchen counter, rocking back and forth, chewing on a snack, tapping pencils, listening to music. All of those things stimulate their brains. They create rhythm in the brain, which helps them process, process more effectively. You put a blanket over the kitchen table. Now you have a fort. It's dark under there, so you give them matches. That's okay, don't do that. But you give them a flashlight, they can do homework the way Abraham Lincoln did. It's stimulating. You make chores a challenge, but you can't do that. Chore backwards or blindfolded. Quiz kids on their vocabulary or math facts while they spin, swing, jump rope, lay upside down off the sofa, do homework after intense exercise. We went through a ton of things in episode 518. 10 Ways to Improve focus and executive Function. Now, what about kids who struggle with sitting still? They're fidgety, restless, have some sensory issues. I have classrooms where kids are allowed to sit on an exercise ball. And we mentioned doing Simon says games and chair push ups. Tape. A piece of double sided tape with different textures on it underneath your child's desk. Research and science say when kids rub textured objects, it improves concentration and helps them sit longer. The next set of struggles is impulse control with kids who talk a lot or blurred out. Look, your kids are supposed to be impulsive while they're kids. I just did a podcast on this one, so remember to practice Impulse control with your kids with screens. And we did that with like, hey, if you turn it off three minutes early tonight, you get an extra 10 or 12 minutes on your video games the next day. We've talked about giving kids a talk ticket in class to redeem. Instead of just blurting out, you're giving kids concrete tools to make different choices. You're creating a success and building confidence when one other one would delay gratification. Your kids asked to do something instead of just saying no, say, you know what? Ask me again after you do X. And then their eyes light up and they're like, oh, I might be able to get this, but I have to do this first. That's really cool. Look, you're not going to get these kids to manage their time. You're not getting me to manage my time. I do not manage my time. That is a very linear, neurotypical approach. But neurodivergent people like us work on energy and, and momentum. It's about managing our energy, not our time. It is a critically important concept to teach your kids because this is the way they will work most effectively their entire lives. I just heard the founder of Spotify talked about this and how he uses it in his everyday life. It's fascinating. Casey and I both do our best thinking at odd times on weekends, later at night. It's why I like taking your kids to do homework at 9pm at a local restaurant, during holidays, and especially after exercising or hiking because the endorphins are flowing. We used to take school work for Casey to complete after hockey games. Doing work in public can be extremely helpful because we're picking up on the energy that music. Wherever we are, visuals are important. Our visual kids. Sorry, I'm going so fast. I'm trying to fit three hours into 22 minutes. So. Our visual kids tend to remember things better when you paint an image in their brains. So I used to talk to Casey and in order to get him to do a couple tasks, I say, hey, picture putting these three things in the back of a Lamborghini because he was really into cars and he would remember that. Some of you have kids who do their homework but forget to turn it in. So. So you could make a deal with a teacher. Child comes home, does their homework. You take a picture of their schoolwork on the phone and then email it right away to the teacher. That's acceptable to me. Teachers can help our kids. I just did this one in our training. Back into the classroom. Hey. A lot of our kids struggle with transitions. Hey, when you come back in from recess. I could really use your help. Picture these three things. One water bottle, three paper towels, and the front row of desks in my classroom. And. And now the child knows, oh, you want me to clean the front row of desks? The directions here are very specific. I said three paper towels, not the whole roll. And now the child is cleaning those desks, pressing down on them to get sensory pressure. Remember, wax on, wax off, that motion you're crossing the midline of the brain and body. They get a feeling of and a sense of accomplishment from doing something. And at the end of the scene, the teacher gets to tell your child who's often on trouble and read on the behavior chart. Hey, thank you for your help. You're really good at that. See, it's why I like if you have our programs, email Casey. We will share the relevant downloadable programs with your child's teachers. So they have all of these programs, all of these ideas they can listen to, and then you get to create a positive experience in the classroom. Teachers just need some creative tools, like home. We do. So now just think, we've gone down that left side. We've addressed like, okay, my child struggles with all these different 10 different things, say, and now we have brought to bear changing diet, exercise, all these different tools. And we say, hey, diet is helping a little bit with this area. Sensory exercise is helping my child sit still longer. Moving heavy books is helping with the writing process. Using visuals is actually helping with organization and recall and transitions. But my child is still struggling in these three specific areas. So now if you want, now at least you can go to the doctor or psychiatrist and say, hey, there are three specific areas where we need some help. Is there a specific medication that can address those specific needs? See, that way you can begin with a low dose and measure the effectiveness of the medication and against those three or how many ever specific struggles, as well as any side effects. And I believe that for many of your kids, just using this entire toolbox of different tools will help alleviate in many cases the need for medication. So I mentioned before that I think it's really unethical. It's not what I think it is. It's unethical for schools to recommend that your child be medicated. It's not their job to do that. So one time we kept getting pressured to medicate Casey, and I think it was in second grade. So I sent a note to the school saying, hey, just wanted to let you know, we put Casey on medication. The doctor said it may take a few days for it to kick in. Now, the truth is we hadn't put him on medication. But here's what's really interesting. And I'm fine if you want to judge me for that. It had a placebo effect. Not on our son, but on the school and, and how they viewed him. Teachers began, they started being more patient with him. Now, I'm not saying this is right or wrong, but it worked really well because the school was much more accommodating of Cayce and even said, hey, we're noticing a difference. The only thing that had changed was their perception of him. I'm not recommending that you do that, but it is interesting. So three more big important points. I want your kids to know there's nothing wrong with their brains, that they have all the traits necessary to be wildly successful in life. That their natural abilities to hyper focus and see patterns and think strategically are huge advantages in the real world. Companies don't pay people a lot of money just to follow directions. Oh, but they do. People pay people money. If you have good critical thinking skills and you're good at making decisions and if you're willing to take some risks and you're a leader, that's what our kids have. I want your kids to know how to work most effectively with their brains. Look, I watch Casey do this routinely. Working on momentum, managing his energy instead of his time working while listening to music and fidgeting. He spends most of his energy playing to his strengths. And I want your kids to learn how to advocate for themselves. So listen, this email from a mom, it was really cool. She said we let our son listen to the programs. He was most fascinated by the ADHD University program and said, it feels like this guy knows my brain. He also goes to sleep listening to Casey's program. And those two programs are worth the price even without the sale. So thank you for that, Mom. So he actually went into school and on his own. My son asked his teachers, I know I struggle to focus while doing my worksheets. Would you mind if I sat under my desk and did my work? Because I can focus much better when I'm in confined spaces and nobody's watching me. I promise I won't distract anybody. If that won't work, can I sit in the back of the room on the floor with my back against the wall? Could we try that for a week and see how I do? And he asked another teacher if they could have a code word and pre planned job for him to do, like moving backpacks when he got fidgety so that he could move. And the mom said, I am so proud of him. He's taken responsibility for completing his schoolwork, but he just does it in odd ways. And I've seen his confidence grow and he's always talking about his brain now and how good it is and how he's going to use it in the future. Now that is what we are after. I love that. So if you don't have the programs, take advantage of the Christmas sale. Do that over the holidays, let your kids listen over that break coming up and take over ownership. If you need help, need help financially, email Casey C A s e y celebratecolumn.com thank you. I know I rushed this a lot, but I hope it was helpful. Much respect and love to you all. Bye Bye.