Teachers: 5 Ways to Help Students with Anxiety, Focus, Social Skills, & Transitions

Summary

Calm Parenting Podcast Summary

Episode Title: Teachers: 5 Ways to Help Students with Anxiety, Focus, Social Skills, & Transitions
Host: Kirk Martin
Release Date: January 10, 2023

In this insightful episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast, Kirk Martin addresses educators facing the daily challenges of managing strong-willed students who struggle with anxiety, focus, social skills, and transitions. Drawing from his extensive experience with over 1,500 challenging children, including those with ADHD, OCD, ODD, and ASD, Martin provides practical, actionable strategies to foster a conducive learning environment.

---

1. Supporting Students with Anxiety

Martin emphasizes the importance of providing students with anxiety-specific roles to alleviate their fears and build confidence.

[02:15] Kirk Martin: "Give that child a very specific job to do. Oh, Jacob, I'm so psyched that you're in my class. Listen, you are really good at doing X."

Key Strategies:

• Assigning Specific Jobs: By giving anxious students designated tasks, teachers can help them focus on something positive, reducing their anxiety about the unknown aspects of the school day.

  [04:30] Kirk Martin: "I gave him a very specific job. This helps create success by utilizing his strengths."

• Positive Reinforcement: Acknowledging and praising students for their contributions without overemphasizing ensures they feel valued without feeling overwhelmed.

  [06:45] Kirk Martin: "Instead of lecturing about how he needs to stop moving, I was able to say, 'Hey, nice job. Thank you.'"

2. Assisting Students Who Struggle with Sitting Still

For students who find it challenging to remain seated and focused, Martin suggests integrating movement into classroom activities without disrupting the learning environment.

[05:10] Kirk Martin: "If a child’s leg is bouncing the entire class, he probably needs to move."

Key Strategies:

• Secret Signals: Establishing non-verbal cues between teacher and student allows for discreet movement breaks.

  [07:03] Kirk Martin: "Here's what we're going to do. You and I are going to have a secret signal..."

• Defined Tasks: Assigning specific tasks like refilling a water bottle ensures that movement is purposeful and minimizes distractions.

  [07:25] Kirk Martin: "You're going to come up and do this and that. You get to end that scene with, 'Hey, good job. Thank you.'"

3. Enhancing Social Skills During Recess

Martin highlights the importance of structured social interactions to help students develop meaningful relationships.

[12:17] Kirk Martin: "One of the best ways to build friendships is by working on a project together."

Key Strategies:

• Collaborative Projects: Pairing students with shared interests on classroom projects fosters teamwork and mutual respect.

  [12:50] Kirk Martin: "Could you guys draw some reptiles for me? This helps build confidence and potential play dates."

• Short Play Dates: Facilitating brief, supervised interactions prevents dominant behaviors and ensures positive experiences.

  [13:30] Kirk Martin: "Play dates always have to be short because most of our kids are controlling and bossy."

4. Facilitating Smooth Transitions

Transition periods can be particularly stressful for students, especially those who are already emotionally exhausted by the day's activities.

[17:10] Kirk Martin: "It takes sometimes an enormous amount of emotional and mental energy to make it through the day."

Key Strategies:

• Visual Cues: Using visual aids and clear instructions helps students understand and anticipate the next steps.

  [18:00] Kirk Martin: "Picture these three things. One water bottle, three paper towels, front row of desks..."

• Specific Instructions: Providing detailed, step-by-step tasks during transitions reduces confusion and anxiety.

  [18:45] Kirk Martin: "Don't just clean the desks. Wipe them down with specific tools to prevent misuse."

• Sensory Engagement: Incorporating activities that engage multiple senses can calm students and provide a sense of accomplishment.

  [19:10] Kirk Martin: "Crossing the midline of the body, cross brain stimulation... it's very calming for a child."

---

Conclusion

Kirk Martin wraps up the episode by reiterating the importance of creating success for strong-willed and anxious students through targeted strategies. He encourages teachers to implement these techniques both in the classroom and at home, fostering a collaborative approach to student well-being.

[20:30] Kirk Martin: "If we can help you in any way, please let us know. That's what we're here for."

Martin also offers resources for further support, including teacher training, parent workshops, and school assemblies through his organization, Celebrate Calm. Educators seeking to enhance their classroom management skills and support their students are encouraged to reach out via celebratecalm.com.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Assigning Roles to Alleviate Anxiety:
  "Give that child a very specific job to do." — Kirk Martin [02:15]

• Positive Reinforcement without Overemphasis:
  "Don't make a big deal out of praise; otherwise, they'll reject it." — Kirk Martin [06:45]

• Structured Social Interactions:
  "One of the best ways to build friendships is by working on a project together." — Kirk Martin [12:17]

---

This episode serves as a valuable resource for teachers aiming to create a more inclusive and supportive classroom environment for all students, particularly those facing behavioral and emotional challenges.

Transcript

[Kirk Martin]

Hey moms and dads, don't you just.

[Casey Martin]

Love when your child reminds you about a school project at bedtime the night before it's due? With Skylight Calendar you can avoid those last minute oops moments. It visually displays your family schedule in one place with different colors for each family member so you can eliminate those last minute surprises that upset your kids. Skylight Calendar is a WI fi connected digital display that syncs seamlessly with with all your calendars and visually showcases your family schedule on an HD touchscreen. You can manage events, chores and grocery lists on the go with the free Skylight app. This is a game changer for families like ours and your happiness is Skylight's happiness. So if in 120 days you are not 100% thrilled, you can return it for a full refund, no questions asked. This is a great Mother's Day gift and right now Skylight is offering our listeners throw $30 off their 15 inch calendars by going to skylightcow.com calm go to skylightcal.com calm for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. That's s K Y L I G H t c a l.com calm.

[Kirk Martin]

Do you have a child or a student? Because we're doing this particular podcast for teachers, child or student who struggles with anxiety. Maybe they don't want to go to school in the morning. Maybe they have a frequent upset stomach. Or maybe it's a child who has trouble sitting still all day or focusing. Right? And what about the kids who struggle with social skills? Because a lot of strong willed kids connect better with older people or little kids or animals, but they struggle with kids their own age. Well, that makes school kind of tough and it makes recess even tougher. You know what else makes recess tough? Your strong willed kids can't lose. Well, and so they change the rules of the game. They cheat or they quit and they don't always play well with other kids. So what do you do at recess time? So you're not just managing fights all the time? And then we also have kids. Some of us have kids who struggle with transitions. I want to give you some very practical tools for the classroom in this episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast. So welcome. This is Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm. You can find [e-mail] so if you're a parent, feel free to share these ideas with teachers or send the podcast to teachers. If you're a teacher, thank you for doing what you do. It is extremely difficult job. Look, many of the people listening to this podcast Maybe have one or two strong willed children and we have enough trouble getting our one or two kids to listen to us. You've got like 20 or more kids and at least five or six, if not 10 of them have trouble listening and focusing and, and you've got to corral all of them and get them through an entire day. That's exhausting. And you don't always get a lot of support. So I want to, if I can provide a little bit of support. We've done teacher training all over the world. We love our teacher training. If you're ever interested in it, we can do it online or we can come visit you in person. We can combine teacher professional development training, a parent workshop, and my son also does school assemblies for kids teaching them how to control their emotions. So we kind of get everybody on the same page. Feel free, whatever you need. Reach out to our strong willed son who really struggled in school. So if you're a teacher, you wouldn't have liked my son. Reach out to him. But he's awesome now. Casey C A s e y celebratecalm.com so let's go through these and I'm going to do this kind of quickly and I'd ask you, if you struggle with other issues, email us and say, hey, do a teacher podcast on X topic and I will try to oblige you. So kids with anxiety, I'll just do this one really quickly. Here is the best thing you can do for a child who struggles anxiety. If you are a teacher, give that child a very specific job to do. Oh, Jacob, I'm so psyched that you're in my class. Listen, you are really good at doing X. Tomorrow morning, every morning when you come into my classroom, will you help me with X project? Because when he wakes up in the morning, his first thought isn't like, yay, it's a new school day. I can't wait to go to school and get in trouble all day and not connect with any other kids and fall behind and my parents are going to be upset at me. That's their experience, right? That's just reality. But if their first thought is, hey, Mrs. Henderson needs my help and I'm really good at doing X and she asked me to be her special helper. Now listen, if it's a 15 year old, you're not going to ask them to be your special helper. You know the right language to use. But the idea behind this is with kids with anxiety, anxiety is caused by unknowns, things you can't control. And if I'M with a child with anxiety, and I wake up in the morning, there are so many unknowns of what's going to happen on the bus, right? Am I going to have a test today? What if the teacher calls on me and I didn't do my homework or I don't do the assignment the right way? And what about I walk into the cafeteria and I sit alone because I don't always have a lot of friends? Or I turn other kids off? There's a lot of anxiety, and there are a lot of reasons why these kids shouldn't rationally want to go to school. But if I know that there's someone there who's giving me a job to do, who believes in me and said I'm really good at doing X, right? Like, even if I'm not good at sitting still and listening and recalling information for tests and doing assignments, use their gifts and skills. And here's one more. Make a positive personal connection, right? I used to tell Casey's teachers because he was really into ice hockey. I was like, if you just ask him how his hockey tournament went after every weekend, you will own him. He will do anything for you because you're taking an active interest in him. What about kids struggling with sitting still? So you've got a kid and he's moving all the time. Look, I learned to observe kids, and I can tell pretty quickly. If I'm a teacher and I walk into my classroom and there's a child whose leg is bouncing the entire class, that kid probably needs to move. I don't need a diagnosis. I don't need a diagnosis. I just need to watch their behavior, right? And so what I know is that kid has never stopped moving his leg. He probably needs to move in the middle of class. So usually what happens is little Jacob, we'll call him Jacob, or big Jacob, gets up in the middle of the class, just starts walking around the class talking to people. Jacob, sit. You need to sit down right now, right? And once you go to that negative tone, whether you're a parent or teacher, these kids either shut down or. Or they defy you really badly. And so I want to come up with. So here's an idea. This skews to a little bit younger. You can change it for older kids, but I may pull that child aside at recess or some other time, say, jacob, I can really use your help. Listen, when I'm teaching in class, my mouth gets really dry and I know you need to move. Look, I acknowledge simple things, Facts. You need to move. I didn't put a label on it. I didn't say that it was negative because it's not negative. It's just the way he's made. Right.

[Unknown]

And you need to move during class.

[Kirk Martin]

So here's what we're going to do. You and I are going to have a secret signal when I glance at you and I either touch my nose like that or pull on my ear, whatever it is you want to do. Here's what I want you to do, Jacob. You get up out of your seat, you come up to my desk, you grab my water bottle, you take to the back of the room, refill it, bring it up, sit it down on my desk, and then you sit down. You're not going to talk to anybody. You're not going to distract anybody. You're going to be Mr. Invisible. You up for that? Most little kids love being Mr. Invisible. Don't do it with a middle school kid. He'll get beat up for being Mr. Invisible. So, but here's what happened. So now you're in class, you know, this kid is starting to move and he's getting a little bit antsy after about 13 or 17 minutes. And you give him the secret signal, he comes up, grabs a water bottle, takes it back, refills it, sits on your desk. You get to end that scene with, hey, good job. Thank you, by the way. Always is for all of you. Parents and teachers praise strong willed kids very even. Matter of fact, don't make a big deal out of it. Otherwise they'll reject your praise and it's too much attention on that. Hey, good job. Thank you. Here's why I like this. Look, you don't have to use that exact thing, but here are the principles. One is this. I gave them a tool. I gave them a tool to help them be successful in class. Because just saying, you need to sit still for 50 minutes in class. It's never happened and it's not going to happen for him. So I give him a tool and I gave him a specific job within my boundaries. I didn't say, hey, little kid with a ADD brain, if you need to move, just run around the class or go out in the hall. I didn't say that. I said, after I give you this signal, you're going to come up and do this and that. You're going to refill it and you're going to sit down. I gave him a very, very specific job. Very specific job. And our kids tend to be very good at doing specific jobs for other people, not for the parents at Home. But they'll do that, especially if they feel helpful. You know why? Because you're creating success. Because you know what? I know if I'm a little kid and I have ADD or if I'm just one of kid on the spectrum, I'm not always really good at doing these other things, but refilling the water bottle, oh, I know how to do that. I'll do a good job at that. And it resets me. I gave that child 23 seconds because that's all it took. 23 seconds of appropriate movement within my boundaries in the class. I created a success. So that the end of that. Instead of lecturing about how he needs to stop moving and sit, how he has to sit. Sorry, I'm trying to talk too fast. Instead of sitting still. Instead I was able to say, hey, nice job. Thank you, that's really helpful. Then the next week I may say, hey, last week, really great job this week. I believe you're capable of sitting for 17 minutes or 22 minutes before I need to give the secret signal. I start to teach impulse control with that. By the way, I love that phrase. I believe you're capable. Right? That's awesome. Okay, so.

[Unknown]

So let's geek out together for a.

[Kirk Martin]

Minute over gut health, because I'm really into this.

[Unknown]

I just learned that prebiotics are the.

[Kirk Martin]

Food that help fuel the growth of.

[Unknown]

Healthy bacteria, the probiotics in your gut. So you have to have both. And that's why AG1 helps my digestion, calms my stomach, and keeps me me regular. Look, I've loved my morning AG1 routine for years, long before AG1 became a wonderful partner to the podcast.

[Kirk Martin]

It's a quick, easy win because I.

[Unknown]

Start my day with 75 vitamins, probiotics, prebiotics, and whole food sourced ingredients. I just don't have that stomach distress anymore, where that bloating, you know, that kind of interferes with your day and puts you on edge. Plus, my weight is down. I've got energy for this hiking season. I'm drinking my AG one right now while I'm recording this, and I think.

[Kirk Martin]

You should as well.

[Unknown]

AG1 is offering new subscribers a free $76 gift.

[Kirk Martin]

When you sign up, you'll get a.

[Unknown]

Welcome kit, a bottle of D3 and K2, which I love, and five free travel packs in your first box. So check out drinkag1.com calm to get this offer. That's drinkag1.com calm to be kind to your gut. So we just moved into a new home with no landscaping, so we were thrilled to discover Fast Growing Trees. They take the hassle out of creating your dream yard. No more wasting your weekend driving around being overwhelmed by big garden centers that.

[Kirk Martin]

Don'T have what you want.

[Unknown]

Fast Growing Trees is the biggest online nursery in the US with thousands of different plants and over 2 million happy customers, including us. Get your plants delivered directly to your door in just a few days. Their Alive and thrive guarantee ensures your plants arrive happy and healthy. Plus, you get support from trained plant experts on call to help you choose and care for the right plants. This spring, Fast Growing Trees has the best deals for your yard, up to half off on select plants. Plus listeners to our show get an additional 15% off their first purchase when using the code Calm at checkout. That's an additional 15% off at fastgrowingtrees.com using the code CALM fast growing trees.com CALM offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply.

[Kirk Martin]

Social skills and recess. We've been through why our kids struggle with that, but here's an idea for you again. This skew is a little bit younger, but I can skew it older if you need. So I may pull Jacob aside and say, jacob, listen, I could really use your help. Listen, I've noticed you're really good at drawing and you're really into reptiles. Next week we're starting a new unit on reptiles. So I've noticed Jimmy in class also is really good at drawing because I've seen his graffiti in the boy's bathroom and it's really inappropriate, but actually very good. I'm just kidding, right? But I noticed Jimmy's really good at that also. So could you guys do me a favor? Could you at recess if I brought some poster board out or put it in a room in the corner, could you guys draw some reptiles for me? Because then next week I can hang that on the board and everybody can see that you're great as an artist and that would really help me out. A couple things I've done here. Now I've given him a job to do and I've created a success again. Instead of, hey, run along and go play well with the other boys. Jacob doesn't know how to do that, so it always ends up in tears and he's in trouble. And this way I've also paired him with one other child because that really helps in the One of the best ways to build friendships is by working on a project together. And so then next week when I hang those things up, it also helps with confidence because other kids get to see, hey, Jacob struggles in class a little bit, but man, that kid can draw. And then other kids know, hey, he really likes dinosaurs. I do too. And now you have a potential play date and teachers you could share with a parent of like, hey, Jacob gets along really well with Jimmy. That might be someone you could set up a play date with. By the way, play dates always have to be short because most of our kids are controlling and bossy. So if you just say, hey, go run off and play. Your strong willed child's gonna boss around the other kid. So again, at home I give them projects to work on and sometimes I give them projects to work on with me so. So I can teach them how to relate socially and build those things. But again, those things, that's all about creating successes. One more transitions. So let's say it is after lunchtime or recess and you haven't done this and the child's like, his face is all red and he's kind of upset or he sat at lunch alone and now he's got to come in and get ready for class, especially maybe in the afternoon, right? Because many of these kids, by the time the afternoon comes, they're emotionally worn out. Please realize that for many kids, and this was me, this was me in middle school, I was wiped out. It takes sometimes an enormous amount of emotional and mental energy to make it through the day. And if you throw in if kids got dyslexia, then everything he or she does is really, really hard and taxing. So they are often done. That's why parents after school don't make your first question, hey, how was school today? If your kids don't like school, what are they supposed to say? Yeah, it was awesome. Nobody sat with me, nobody played with me, and I got in trouble and got sent to the principal's office and I fell behind and I take too long on tests so it feels like I'm stupid. That's how school was. So I don't ask that and definitely don't ask, like, do you have any homework? Right? Because a middle school child is going to be like, no, did it recess? And they just lied to you. Start off with something else. Decompress a little bit. Okay? It's not like when you come home from work, your spouse is always waiting or someone's there like, hey, how was work today? Hey, do you want to get out those papers you need to grade? Why don't we do that right now? And teacher, why don't we, you know, honey, why don't we do. Why don't you grade your papers while I stand behind you and ask you if you're done yet and why is it taking you so long? Right. Like change things up a little bit. So the transition back in is going to sound familiar to you. Jacob, I need your help. When we come back in from cafeteria or back from lunchtime or recess, here's what I need you to do. Picture these three things. Because research says kids often remember things best when they visualize and picture it so one water bottle, three paper towels, front row of desks on my classroom. You know what I want you to do, don't you? You want me to clean the front row of desk. Yep. That would really help me out. So when he comes in, watch it specific. I didn't say just clean the desks because he might use a whole roll of paper towels. And I didn't. And I made it specific. So he's not spraying down other children with the spray bottle. But here's something else that we add to this. He's now spraying down those desks in the classroom. Everybody else is coming in. His brain is focused on that. And now he's wiping down the desk. You know what we're getting sensory pressure. Remember Karate Kid. Wax on, wax off, we're going. I'm missing my words here. Sorry for this. I'm really trying to make this fast. Crossing the midline of the body, cross brain stimulation, cross brain. So that we're getting both sides of the brain working together. It's very calming for a child. And now he's getting some physical pressure on that desk, cleaning it. And for many of you who are ocd, like I am a little bit, you know how good that feels when you see something that was dirty and now it's clean, There's a sense of accomplishment, a sense of order inside that feels good. And again, I get to say, hey, nice job. Put the water bottle back, throw the paper towels away. You're a good helper. So let's try to use those principles. You can use them at home, you can use them in the classroom. If you need help, reach out to Casey C A S e [e-mail] you. You can even put in the headline teacher and say, and you can email us with like, hey, can you do a podcast on X topic? Or you can say, hey, can you come to my child's school and train the teachers? And Casey will get back to you very, very quickly and we'll make it work. But if we can help you in any way, please let us know. That's what we're here for. Love you all and talk to you soon.

[Unknown]

Bye.