Transcript
Kirk Martin (0:00)
Hey moms and dads, don't you just.
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Kirk Martin (1:20)
Do you ever try to get your kids to calm down and they get even more upset? Are you tired of trying to manage everybody else's emotions, including your spouse's, and prevent the next meltdown?
Co-host (1:34)
It's exhausting.
Kirk Martin (1:35)
So I want to show you three different ways to change these negative patterns so we can start to build some confidence so you can actually enjoy your strong willed child again. So that's what we're going to discuss on today's episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast. So welcome. This is Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm. You can find us@celebratecalm.com if you need help. Reach out to our strong willed son Casey C A S e y celebrate calm.com Tell us about your family. Age of the kids, what are you struggling with? We get together as a family, discuss it. We will reply back to you personally and usually really quickly because that's what we do. If you need help with any of our resources, products, even financial help, reach out to Casey. That's what he's there for and he will help you. So I know that your kids can be defiant and disrespectful, but if I had just one word to describe your kids, it would be frustrated. These are very bright kids who have visions of what they want to accomplish and they just get frustrated with themselves, they get frustrated with others and often what we try backfires so let's try to change our focus. Three areas this week and see how it goes. Now, first area I want you to do is this. I want you to think about this. I want you to change your goal, your objective, from I need to calm this child down to I need to give my child a feeling of control back. If this is all we accomplish on this podcast and all you do this next week, this next month, this next year, man, you're going to. It's going to change your family life, right? So when your child is melting down or upset, we typically focus 100% of our energy on getting the child to calm down. But when you are upset, when you're upset, is there any worse phrase someone can say to you? Then you know what? You just need to calm down, right? It's infuriating. That's why I say, you know what you need to do, right? And here's why. When you're upset, and especially when you're freaking out or melting down, you feel totally out of control. And this is true of 5 year olds and 50 year olds, and it's embarrassing. So when someone is watching you and trying to fix your mood, it's too much focus on you when you're at your worst, right? It's too much focus on what's going wrong. Because people, no matter what age, don't like to be looked at when they're struggling with their emotions or even with something physical. It's like putting a spotlight on someone at their worst and just as bad. No one likes to feel like they're being fixed. And that's why it always backfires when we as men tell our wives, you know what, there's no need to be upset. You're just overreacting, right? No one, no one likes to be told that. The other fallacy of trying this is that you're trying to fix someone else's mood, largely because it makes you uncomfortable. And we have the mistaken notion of thinking that it's our job to fix other people's moods and emotions. And it's not, and that's one thing I really want you to get from our materials, is that the only person I can really control in my life is myself, right? When I try to fix other people's moods and emotions, man, it always makes everything worse. It's a big enough job to control yourself, not everybody else. And by the way, for a lot of you out there, moms and dads, but a lot of the moms, you're wearing yourself out trying to make sure everybody Else is happy. Everything just goes right. It's exhausting. So at its essence, we all have control issues. You do, I do. It's the way we're made. We have an insatiable desire and need for homeostasis to make everything kind of regulated and in balance. And that's why I get a little bit frustrated when people say, oh, my child just likes to control things. Well, who doesn't? You do too. You seek to control your kids behavior all day long. So let's just drop that line of thinking and instead let's use that insight to our advantage.