Calm Parenting Podcast Episode #538

“Tired Of Being Judged & Having Your Child’s Spirit Crushed? 10 Quick Tips”
Host: Kirk Martin
Date: November 23, 2025

Overview

In this episode, Kirk Martin explores the challenges parents of strong-willed and neurodivergent children face, especially during the holiday season when family scrutiny intensifies. Drawing on his experience with thousands of families, Kirk provides ten practical strategies to help parents handle judgment—protecting their child’s spirit, changing the family dynamic, and ensuring both children and parents feel confident and empowered.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Holiday Trap: Judgment & Second-Guessing

• Kirk opens by acknowledging the unique struggles faced by parents of strong-willed or neurodivergent kids, especially around the holidays when family gatherings multiply the opportunities for judgment.
• Mainstream parenting approaches often “backfire” with these kids, leading to increased parental self-doubt and second-guessing.
• Quote:

  “It's difficult. You didn't do something wrong and there's nothing wrong with your child. They're just different and it's hard.” (03:07)

Tip 1: Be Confident (03:55)

• Parents’ confidence sets the tone—kids pick up on it!
• Typical discipline methods may be seen as “coddling” by others, but parents should trust their understanding of their own child.
• Quote:

  “Your confidence is critical in these situations because you know what, your kids will even pick up on your confidence.” (03:58)

Tip 2: Set Your Child Up for Success (05:05)

• Strong-willed children often excel at “adult world” skills, not “kid world” tasks. Stack the deck for them to shine at family gatherings by letting them display their talents (e.g., building, cooking, helping grownups).
• Engage relatives: Give your child a specific mission during the gathering that matches their strengths.
• Kids should do projects or responsibilities that focus their energy and show their best sides.
• Quote:

  “We're not raising our children to be kids. We're raising them to be adults. And they will crush it in the adult world.” (05:46)

Tip 3: Plan Breaks & Alone Time (08:57)

• Extended gatherings are overwhelming; proactively schedule time away with your child.
• Errands, drives, or walks help decompress, reset, and reduce the chance of meltdowns.
• Practical Example: Volunteer to “run to the store” or escape to a local park together.
• Quote:

  “Getting good sensory pressure and exercise before Thanksgiving dinner is really helpful.” (10:00)

Tip 4: Show & Tell—Show Off Their Strengths (11:10)

• Bring a project, creation, or video that showcases what your child does well.
• Change the narrative from grades and compliance to creativity, kindness, or ingenuity.
• Create your own “report card for life” to spotlight skills often unrecognized by traditional measures.
• Quote:

  “I don't want you having to compare your child on a playing field that isn't level. I want you showing off your child's gifts and talents.” (13:00)

Tip 5: Take Back the Narrative—(With Humor!) (14:20)

• Kirk models snarky (but insightful) replies to common judgmental comments from relatives, illustrating how to add perspective without being defensive.
• (Example)

  “Oh, you’re still raising your child to be a compliant rule follower. How sad.” (16:24)

• The goal is not to alienate but to, with confidence, reframe expectations and priorities.
• Quote:

  “You are not raising your child to be good at childhood stuff, which is largely arbitrary...You’re raising your child to crush it in the adult world.” (15:24)

Tip 6: Educate & Give Perspective (19:02)

• Equip yourself with facts about neurodivergent brains—be able to explain your child's differences and strengths.
• Share real examples showing how school or traditional environments may not be set up for your child, but their gifts will shine in real life.
• Cite stories of relatives who found success by not "fitting in."
• Quote:

  “It’s not a sympathy play. It’s just helping family and friends see your child as a human, not just a difficult kid.” (21:48)

Tip 7: Ask for Help, Be Vulnerable (24:05)

• Involve relatives: “Could you listen to a couple episodes of this Calm Parenting Podcast?”
• Explain your balanced approach and ask for support.
• Share helpful resources and invite them to join your learning process.

Tip 8: Enjoy & Accept Your Strong-Willed Child (27:04)

• Acceptance shifts your attitude, which family (and your child) will notice.
• Quote:

  “Once you really understand why your child does these things...your attitude towards your child will change and your family will pick up on that.” (27:10)

Tip 9: Unified Parenting—Get on the Same Page (28:04)

• Present a united front as parents; don’t allow family judgment to divide you.
• Emphasize calm, assertive leadership without blame or guilt.
• Fathers: Model emotional control and leadership; mothers: release guilt and anxiety.
• Quote:

  “There’s no way around this. Either you get control of your own emotions, or nothing will change in your home...” (29:15)

Tip 10: Confidence—Again, It’s Critical (31:10)

• Kirk concludes by reinforcing the central importance of confidence.
• Never apologize for your child being different; project assurance in your approach.
• When you’re confident, kids and family members respond positively.
• Quote:

  “I want you to be confident even if you’re partly faking it...Your child is going to kill it in the adult world.” (31:18)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On comparison:

  “I don't want you having to compare your child on a playing field that isn't level.” (13:00)

• On family tradition:

  “I was thinking about how much I miss Uncle Bob being here. He was always so quirky...he ended up being the most successful, and he loved his life. That's what I see in our daughter.” (22:33)

• On asking for help:

  “Hey, I could really use your help. We can do this dance for many more years...but I know you genuinely do care and want to help. So here is how you can do that...” (24:11)

Important Timestamps

• Holiday Struggles Begin: 01:40
• Tip 1: Be Confident: 03:55
• Tip 2: Set Up for Success: 05:05
• Tip 3: Plan Time Away: 08:57
• Tip 4: Show & Tell: 11:10
• Tip 5: Take Narrative Back: 14:20
• Tip 6: Educate & Perspective: 19:02
• Tip 7: Ask for Help: 24:05
• Tip 8: Accept Your Child: 27:04
• Tip 9: Unified Parents: 28:04
• Tip 10: End with Confidence: 31:10

Final Takeaway

Kirk Martin delivers actionable, empathetic advice for parents of strong-willed kids, especially amid family gatherings and heightened scrutiny. His core message: Build your confidence, empower your child to shine in their own ways, and change the conversation with relatives through preparation, perspective, and unified parenting. Most importantly—help your child see their differences as assets, not deficits.

Holiday survival plan: Prepare. Celebrate your child’s uniqueness. Walk into gatherings with confidence—and maybe a little humor, too.

For more resources or to connect with Kirk’s community: Visit www.CelebrateCalm.com
Questions? Email Casey@CelebrateCalm.com