B (13:33)

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A (13:37)

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B (13:40)

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A (14:04)

So here's another kind of real life example of these two boys who they like to wrestle a lot. And one day when no one was looking, they took the good pillows off the sofa and they got duct tape and they tied the pillows to themselves so they could go outside and wrestle and throw themselves against each other without getting hurt. Well, what happens? Well, they kind of ruined the pillows and they're all dirty. And so the natural response of any parent is what were you guys? What were you thinking? Like what were you thinking? Now you ruined my pillows. And see that now we go down that negative route. So does that mean we just say, you know guys, I love when you ruin my stuff? No, but my first step is to just control myself from for a moment and take the get the larger picture, larger perspective. That's partly why I like to be calm, is because it slows my world down inside so I can see situations in a different way. There will be a consequence for this, but the first thing I want to tell my kids is, hey, awesome job being outside playing together. Because how many of us, we complain, they're on their screens all the time, why won't you go out and play? And then when they do go out and play, they don't do it in a way you want because they get dirty and messy or they throw something at a neighbor's house. So hey, you guys were outside playing, that was really smart. You knew that you were going to throw yourselves at each other and wrestle. So you did it in a really safe way. That's a really creative solution to that. Well done. And again, just think your kids, they don't think, think things through. That's why consequences are very limited, especially for younger kids, because they don't stop in that moment and think, huh? Let's think this through, brother or sister, do you think mom or dad will be upset at us if we do that? They don't. They're impulsive because that's what you're supposed to be when you're a kid, impulsive and go do stuff. And so they know after they get done playing, when mom or dad comes out, the pillows are ruined. So when you first come out, you're like, hey, nice job playing outside. That was smart. You didn't get hurt. Very creative. It's like, here's another part before we get to the consequence. It gives you some insight. These are kids who have some sensory processing needs. It makes their bodies feel settled in order to get that physical pressure. So that gives you an opportunity now to say, hey, if I don't want my kids using the pillows, throwing themselves at each other, I can sign them up for martial arts class. Getting involved in rock climbing. Just had a parent whose son wanted to do ballet. And just think about that. Just thinking ballet, how intense that is. And that physical pressure on your body, man, that's really, really healthy. Swimming, ice hockey. Our son did because he liked to throw himself at other kids. You know, shoveling mulch in the backyard, doing that heavy work is really good for them. Now you don't just have to be some permissive parenting. Oh, I just love it when my boys are creative and destroy my house. It's not what I'm saying. So at the end of this, you can say, hey, guys, love your creativity. Love that how that happened. But you just ruined. Destroyed the two pillows. And so you're going to have to do some chores around the house in order to earn some money to pay for replacement pillows. There's nothing mean about that. There's nothing that that's appropriate because you did encourage them. You recognized all the good things. But you're also saying, hey, next time, think it through a little bit more or come tell me, hey, mom, we want to throw ourselves at each other. You got a better way to do that without ruining your pillows? You could also go to a thrift store, which I love, and buy stuff there that they can now use or have them buy it because it's really cheap there. So that in the future, when they want to do things and destroy something, it's just something you got from a thrift store. What about same thing. Like little girl or little boy? This was me when I was a little kid. I don't know why. When I was a little kid, I got scissors and I just cut my hair, and then I hid in the cabinet underneath the sink. My mom couldn't find me. This is back in the day. Like, parents had, like. She had, like four boys within six years, so she lost count of us. But anyway, same thing Right. Like daughter made a mess trying to cut her bangs. They're not going to look right. So child's going to be embarrassed. You might be embarrassed. And again you come in and in this case I'm a little bit curious and instead of honey, what were you thinking? Now we're going to have to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's not everything is shame. Because sometimes when kids make bad choices, like, hey, you just made a bad decision, there's no shame there. But there's a consequence for that. That's perfectly fine. But in this case I'd be curious about it, like, why did you want to cut your bangs? Was it the sensory feel of it? Was it just that it was something new when you were bored, it figure that out. But there's different ways you can handle these situations. There's like little kids who get food out and they just make their own dinner or their own meal. Well, what happens? They're going to make a mess out of everything. They probably not going to do it the right way. It's like the toddler who puts twist ties in his shoes so he doesn't have to learn how to tie his shoes. Your kids just do things different in different ways. And so this coming week, what I want you to do is pause, just stop before you react. It doesn't mean you're going to be inside. Like, I just love that my kids make messes and do things wrong. But with a kid who made something, you say, hey, I like your initiative. I like the creativity. I like that you are wanting to be independent. That's what it is. I like that you wanted to be independent and do this yourself. Now there's going to be a mess all over the counter. And instead of this is my own personal opinion. You have every right to say, hey, you made the mess, you clean it up. But my experience says strong willed kids are just not going to do that. So you put on some music and say, you know what? Let's celebrate your independence and your creativity and that you gave that a shot. I'll help you clean up, which means you're going to do most of it and then I can show you and start teaching you how, how to cook for yourself in these situations. Now you're starting to teach your kids how to be responsible for themselves. The girl that stayed up till 2am Just think of what we learned from that and how we were able to build her up and say, hey, you are clutch under pressure. And then teaching her how her brain works. I want you to do that. With your little kids. And hey, here's why you did that. Because you have a natural need for your brain to be stimulated. So you can either do it this way, hitting your brother, but you're just going to lose your stuff and get in trouble. Or if you got a really big heart, I can show you different ways to get brain stimulation doing something else. So here's the insight. So let's try that this week. Here's the insight I want to give you into these kids. And it's not enough to do like an entire podcast on it, but it relates to this. Your kids will often strong will kids will often choose a different area in which to excel in life. And I'll give you an example. So growing up, I was really good athlete, playing ball sports. So of course, become a dad. Got a son, I want him to play ball sports. Guess what? He's not very good at it. He ends up choosing ice hockey, which is skating, and he skis really well. Guess what are two things I'm not good at doing? Skating and skiing. Now, did he do that on purpose? I don't know. I think it's probably subconscious because I've noticed this in most of the families that I've worked with is the child will choose an area that's their own. Because, you know, what my son knew is no matter what he did, he would never really be able to please me or live up to my expectations. Adaptations with ball sports, because I was really into it. So he chose other areas. And now I can't lecture him. It's not me teaching him how to do those things. It's actually the reverse, which is he's teaching me how to ski. And so you'll find I found this in families sometimes where you have, like, two highly educated parents, right? Both doctors or have master's degrees, doctorates. The child knows, look, I can never exceed your expectations. I can't even live up to them. And so they kind of shut down because they want their own area. So what I encourage you to do is one is be aware of that and let your kids shine in an area that is not yours. And I also want to encourage you this week, let's pick a behavior or a situation that comes up or that irritates you a lot. Flip around the script in your brain from, why can't they do it my way? Why do they always have to do it this way? And begin doing a couple things. One is ask, why do they do it the way they do it? Slow your world down. Be a detective. This Week you will learn about what motivates your child and about how their brains work so that you can work with their nature. And instead of letting your own anxiety and control issues dump all over them so that they feel like the bad kid or the kid who can never please you, now look at situations and say, ah, that's why they're doing it that way. Because if you can acknowledge that and affirm that and then teach your child and say, oh, I know exactly why you're laying upside down or off the sofa. Because when you do that, blood flow rushes to your brain. That's actually really good for your brain and it helps you concentrate. Here are five other ways in order to you can stimulate your brain and do homework more easily. This is why you stay up late at night. That procrastination. Do that this week. And then what happens is your kids begin to look to you as a source of wisdom, as someone they trust. Because you're just not commenting all the time on negative what they're doing wrong. You're saying, oh man, I never thought to do it that way. Now I figured out why you do that. Be curious and say, I am curious. Why did you do it that way? Because it seems to work for you. It's just different than I would do it. Now you can problem solve and teach them. Okay, you've got your goal. Find an irritating behavior, flip the script around and let's begin affirming and teaching our kids. I do encourage you learn let your kids listen to the podcast. If you have our programs on the app, we can. Even if you have older kids who have their own phone, we can send Casey's straight talk for kids program, the ADHD University program, the strong will child program, any of them. We can send them directly to your child or just play them in the car because then your kids begin to hear, oh, that guy's describing me. That's how my brain works. So there's nothing wrong with my brain? No, it's. It just works differently than other kids do. Or the teacher's brain works or mine works. So how can we do this the way it works for you? Have those discussions. It's really cool. Okay. Moms and dads respect you so much for working so hard to change. If we can help you in any way, let us know. Okay? Love you all. Talk to you soon. Bye bye. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.

B (26:31)

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