What Anxiety Feels Like For Kids

Summary

Calm Parenting Podcast Summary: "What Anxiety Feels Like For Kids"

Host: Kirk Martin
Release Date: March 11, 2023

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Introduction to Childhood Anxiety

In this enlightening episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast, host Kirk Martin delves deep into the intricate world of childhood anxiety. Recognizing the pervasive nature of anxiety among children and adolescents, Kirk aims to bridge the understanding gap between parents and their kids, providing both groups with valuable insights and practical strategies to navigate these challenging emotions.

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Understanding Anxiety as a Normal and Healthy Emotion

Kirk begins by emphasizing that anxiety is both normal and healthy, especially for middle and high school students. He explains that anxiety often stems from dealing with unknowns and situations beyond one's control, leading to feelings of nervousness and the urge to control external circumstances.

“Anxiety is normal and healthy. It’s caused by unknowns, things you can’t control.”
— Kirk Martin [01:30]

He reassures listeners that experiencing anxiety is a natural part of growing up, particularly during the tumultuous years of adolescence where hormonal changes and shifting social dynamics are prevalent.

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Personal Experiences with Anxiety

Drawing from his own life and experiences with his son, Kirk shares his longstanding battle with anxiety. He candidly discusses how anxiety has influenced his daily life, from disrupted sleep patterns to struggles with focus and motivation.

“I have wrestled with anxiety my entire life, and our son has too. Most kids and parents we work with struggle with anxiety.”
— Kirk Martin [01:45]

This personal touch not only humanizes the discussion but also builds a connection with listeners who may be facing similar challenges.

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Manifestations of Anxiety in School Settings

Kirk provides a detailed portrayal of how anxiety manifests in the school environment. He describes a typical day for an anxious student, highlighting common struggles such as:

• Sleep Disruptions: Difficulty aligning the body's natural clock with rigid school schedules leads to late nights spent ruminating over uncontrollable factors.

  “I don’t always sleep well because my body and my hormones are on a different natural clock than the artificial school schedule.”
  — Kirk Martin [02:30]

• Academic Challenges: Anxiety exacerbates difficulties in focusing and sustaining interest in subjects that don’t naturally engage the student, despite having the capability to hyper-focus on areas of genuine interest.

  “In school, you are required to have good short-term memory because you have to memorize information for tests and then sometimes forget it.”
  — Kirk Martin [03:15]

• Social Struggles: Feeling disconnected from peers, leading to a sense of isolation and increased anxiety during social interactions.

  “I struggle to connect with the other kids in my class. I just kind of find them boring.”
  — Kirk Martin [08:30]

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The Double-Edged Sword of Sensitivity

Kirk discusses the heightened sensitivity that often accompanies anxiety, describing it as a double-edged sword. On one hand, this sensitivity fosters deep empathy and creativity; on the other, it makes individuals more susceptible to feeling slighted or personally attacked.

“I feel things deeply and usually... empathize with outcasts, hurting people, animals. But it also means I feel slights more deeply.”
— Kirk Martin [09:00]

This duality highlights the complexity of anxiety, illustrating both its strengths and vulnerabilities.

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Parental Perspectives and Empathy

Addressing parents directly, Kirk urges them to empathize with their children’s experiences. He likens prolonged anxiety to being stuck in a job that one dislikes, emphasizing the lack of control children have over their educational environment compared to adults’ ability to change jobs or careers.

“Imagine someone else signed you up and made you go to a job for 12 straight years that you didn’t really like... when you’re a kid and you’re in school, you can’t do this.”
— Kirk Martin [10:45]

By fostering understanding, parents can better support their children in managing anxiety.

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Strategies for Managing Anxiety

Kirk outlines several strategies to help both children and parents manage anxiety effectively:

1. Normalization: Recognizing that anxiety is a common experience helps reduce stigma and self-blame.

   “If you feel like that, what I want you to know is you're perfectly normal. There's nothing wrong with that.”
   — Kirk Martin [11:30]

2. Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Developing techniques to handle anxiety, such as mindfulness, strategic thinking, and leveraging strengths like empathy and creativity.

3. Open Communication: Encouraging ongoing dialogue between parents and children to address feelings of anxiety and seek practical solutions together.

4. Professional Support: Reaching out for specialized assistance when necessary, emphasizing that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

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Encouragement and Hope for the Future

In his concluding remarks, Kirk offers words of encouragement to anxious youth and their parents. He underscores the belief that life becomes easier post-teenage years and that the skills developed in managing anxiety will be invaluable in adulthood.

“Middle schoolers, high schoolers, you've got a great future ahead of you. You're going to crush it in the real world when it counts.”
— Kirk Martin [12:04]

He invites listeners to reach out for personalized advice and support, embodying the podcast’s mission to provide practical, life-changing strategies for families facing anxiety.

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Conclusion

Kirk Martin’s thoughtful exploration of childhood anxiety serves as a beacon for parents and children alike. By validating feelings, sharing personal experiences, and offering actionable strategies, the episode equips listeners with the tools needed to transform anxiety from a debilitating force into a manageable and even empowering aspect of growth.

For more resources and support, listeners are encouraged to visit CelebrateCalm.com or reach out via email at [e-mail].

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Note: This summary excludes advertisement segments and focuses solely on the substantive content of the podcast episode.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

I wanted to record a special podcast so that both teenagers and parents know exactly what anxiety feels like, because anxiety is a big deal. It's something that I have wrestled with my entire life, that our son wrestled with. And most of the kids and parents that we work with struggle with anxiety. And what I really want you to know is this anxiety is normal and healthy. See, anxiety is caused by unknowns, things you can't control. And that makes everyone anxious or nervous. And it makes everyone want to control people or situations around them. And so if you're a middle schooler or a high schooler, of course you're anxious. It would be weird if you weren't anxious. It's the hardest part of your life, right? You're caught in between being a little kid and a young adult. Your hormones are changing daily. The social scene is pretty much fake and it's unlike it will ever be the rest of your adult life, right? You almost have no control over your life. You're told what school to go to, what classes to take, what to eat every day, and you have very little control over that. So of course you feel anxious. Of course it feels like something inside of you just feels a little bit off and it kind of just annoys you and it's unnerving and you can't always put a name to it. You can't always tell exactly what it feels like. But sometimes it makes you want to withdraw a little bit to stay home because that feels more safe, it feels easier, and that's normal. So let's say you are in middle school or high school. Here's what a day may feel like, right? And it could be. I'm going to put it in your terms because this is what I felt like even in middle school. I missed a lot of school. Middle school. And what I didn't realize at the time is because back then we didn't know these things. I didn't realize it was just anxiety, right? So here's what it feels like. I don't always sleep well because my body and my hormones are on a different natural clock than the artificial school schedule. And I stay up late. Why? Because that's when my house, meaning my parents and the world get quiet. And that allows me to think without all the noise. I also stamp late, thinking situations over in my mind and running different scenarios out. And sometimes I don't sleep that well because I'm anxious thinking about all these things that I can't control. And when I wake up, I'm not all that excited to go to school. And here's some of the reasons I don't like school. I may struggle in school, it's not because I'm dumb, but I genuinely struggle trying to focus or be interested in something I really don't have an interest in. By the way, that's the way the brain is supposed to work. Your brain, you're curious about things that you're interested in, right? On the weekends, parents you don't put up, pick up books and watch documentaries about subjects you don't care about, right? It's the way the brain is supposed to work, right? But here's what I also know. If I'm interested in something and curious about it, I can actually hyper focus and remember everything. And I get anxiety about tests because I struggle with memorizing facts. See, I'm really good at strategic thinking. I'm good at seeing patterns in things. But short term memory really trips me up. By the way, middle schoolers, high schoolers, here's what I want you to know. In school, you are required to have good short term memory because you have to memorize information for tests and then sometimes forget it, right? But in the real world, when you're an adult, you will get paid to have really good strategic thinking. And you will, I promise you. I know you're really good strategic thinkers. That's partly why you're good at pushing people's buttons and arguing with your parents because you're a good thinker and that's what we want in the real world. But sometimes school, in school, it makes taking tests harder. Now, if I have dysgraphia means I have trouble with fine motor skills, right? That makes writing really hard. Or if I have dyslexia, then I will feel really frustrated, right? Because it's like I have to work five times harder than everyone else in class. And to be honest, by midday I am mentally and emotionally tapped out.

[C]

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[A]

Sometimes for people like us, school just isn't our thing. And look, if my parents are successful or I have a sibling who, who's really good in school, then it feels like I'll never be able to live.

[C]

Up to their expectations.

[A]

So why even bother, right? It's like it's never good enough and I don't really value grades that much. So sometimes I just shut down and don't even try that hard, right? But if you put me in adult situations outside of school, sometimes I feel right at home. I crush it then. It's partly because I usually connect back better with adults or with little kids and animals. But see, I struggle to connect with the other kids in my class. I just kind of find them boring. And I'm not a joiner. I don't like doing the popular things just because they're popular. And that leaves me feeling left out sometimes, even though I've kind of chosen that.

[C]

It's not like I get bullied or.

[A]

Anything, but I'm just not on the same page as my classmates. I don't want to do what everybody else is doing. So I may walk into a cafeteria or homeroom and no one's mean or anything. It's just that they're all talking and laughing with each other and I feel left out. I'm sitting with them but I'm not part of them, right? And that's stressful, right? That feels awkward as a teenager, right? Because the most important thing for you as a teenager is social life, right? And walking through the halls can be a little overwhelming. It's chaotic and loud and the ringing bells and the horseplay throw me off and I'm sensitive at times and see, that's a double edged sword. It's good because I feel things deeply and usually. Side note, if you feel things deeply, usually you're a very creative person, right? And so you will feel empathy for outcasts, for hurting people, for hurting animals. But it also means I feel slights more deeply, right? I take things more personally. I may sense of a teacher doesn't really like me and so that hurts or causes me to shut down to protect myself. So look, when I wake up in the morning, all I can think about is this, how hard school is going to Be how no one really understands that and just thinks that I'm not trying, and how I'm going to feel different all day for my classmates, eventually feel overwhelmed and anxious, and sometimes my stomach is upset, so I don't always feel like eating. And that anxiety wants me to stay home where I feel safe and comfortable. Right? So if you feel like that, what I want you to know is you're perfectly normal. There's nothing wrong with that. And for the parents, think about it this way. Imagine someone else signed you up and made you go to a job for 12 straight years that you didn't really like, that you weren't always really good at, and you had to work with people you didn't really like a lot. And every day you've got a different boss telling you what to do throughout the day. And every year, those bosses change. And so they all have different expectations and different personalities. See, right now, as an adult, you can change your job, you can change your industry, you get a new boss if you want. But when you're a kid and you're in school, you can't do this. So it is hard and it does cause anxiety, and that's normal. And so for the middle school and high school kids out there, if you're feeling anxious, nervous about things, it's perfectly normal. Don't beat yourself up for it. Don't think that you're weird. It would be weird if you didn't feel anxious. What we really need to do is discover how. How to handle that anxiety in healthy ways. Right? Because I've struggled with anxiety for 57 years. What I've learned is how to normalize that anxiety, how to overcome that anxiety and to work with it and work.

[C]

With my natural wiring.

[A]

And that's what my son has learned how to do. Right? So you can email us, right? Email our son, Casey C A s e y celebratecalm.com with any questions you have or if there's circumstances you struggle with. And we'll try to email back with specific practical ways to help with anxiety. In the meantime, middle schoolers, high schoolers, you've got a great future ahead of you. You're going to crush it in the real world when it counts. I promise you. Life gets easier after the teenage years, so if we can help in any way, reach out to us and let us know. But everything's going to be okay. Love you all. Talk to you soon. Bye.