Calm Parenting Podcast - Episode #472: What It’s Like To Be A Mom…From A Mom

Host: Kirk Martin
Guest: Jess (a real-life mom from New England)
Release Date: April 25, 2025

Introduction

In episode #472 of the Calm Parenting Podcast, host Kirk Martin takes a heartfelt departure from his usual monologue to present the raw and unfiltered experiences of motherhood through the voice of Jess, a real-life mom from New England. Acknowledging his own lack of firsthand experience as a mother, Kirk aims to authentically capture the essence of what it truly means to be a mom by sharing Jess's intimate reflections and insights.

The Complex Identity of Being a Mom

Jess opens up about the multifaceted nature of motherhood, describing it as a journey of "rebuilding herself" and likening mothers to the mythical phoenix—constantly deconstructing and reconstructing their identities (00:02). She emphasizes the diversity among mothers, including adoptive moms, those who have faced infertility, single mothers by choice or circumstance, and even those who appear to have the "perfect life" yet struggle internally.

Notable Quote:
"To be a mom is to be a person rebuilding herself. It is to be a person completely deconstructed and broken down." (00:02)

The Worthiness Wound and Societal Pressures

Jess delves into the pervasive sense of inadequacy that many mothers feel, stemming from societal expectations and ingrained beliefs from childhood. She discusses how mothers often place their needs last, deriving their self-worth from their roles as caregivers and constantly comparing themselves to others.

Key Insights:

• Inferiority and Comparison:
  "Moms feel inferior in so many ways. We fall victim to comparisons. Oh, I need to be more like her." (05:35)

• Societal Expectations:
  Women are encouraged to be everything, yet when they express confidence, they are told to tone it down and be humble, leading to a dichotomy where mothers feel they are either too much or not enough.

Notable Quote:
"To ourselves, we are not enough. But the moment we step into our power, we are too much." (07:20)

Over-Responsibility and Self-Doubt

Jess addresses the overwhelming sense of responsibility that mothers often carry, feeling accountable for every aspect of their family's lives. This over-responsibility leads to constant self-doubt and a fear of failure, exacerbated when parenting challenges arise, such as raising a strong-willed child or navigating parenting a child with ADHD, OCD, ODD, or ASD.

Key Insights:

• Overly Carrying Responsibility:
  "We take so much responsibility for literally everything around us. It's too much." (15:00)

• Impact on Self-Worth:
  The constant need to perform and provide positive experiences for family members ties a mother's self-worth directly to their perceived success or failure in these roles.

Notable Quote:
"Self-doubt is really hard to overcome when you feel like it's your fault that this other human is struggling or won't be successful because of the way they were or were not parented." (17:45)

Reclaiming Self: The Path to Self-Love and Authenticity

A significant portion of Jess's narrative focuses on the necessity of self-love and reclaiming one's identity outside of motherhood. She highlights the importance of embracing all parts of oneself—the inner child, the passionate teen, and the authentic adult.

Key Insights:

• Self-Love and Compassion:
  Emphasizing that the journey out of feeling inadequate lies in self-love and self-compassion, Jess encourages mothers to reconnect with their inner selves and acknowledge their own needs and desires.

• Embracing Authenticity:
  "Being authentic to yourself every single day and in every way you can." (30:10)
  Jess underscores the power of authenticity, advocating for mothers to live true to themselves without seeking external validation.

Notable Quote:
"It's okay to say something or be something or someone that feels right for us, that isn't right for other people." (27:50)

Vulnerability and Building Stronger Relationships

Jess discusses the challenges of vulnerability, particularly for mothers who fear that showing their true selves might lead to abandonment or judgment. However, she argues that embracing vulnerability leads to stronger, more genuine relationships and personal growth.

Key Insights:

• Strength in Vulnerability:
  Allowing oneself to be vulnerable can strengthen relationships and provide the courage to be authentic, despite the fear of how others might perceive it.

• Balancing Strength and Sensitivity:
  Mothers can balance being strong and sensitive, embracing their full range of emotions without the fear of judgment.

Notable Quote:
"Being vulnerable is super hard for me personally. Even though I'm pretty open, I get scared to show myself. But it worked out well because it has strengthened relationships with people that I care about." (40:45)

Embracing Uniqueness and Letting Go of Perfection

Jess encourages mothers to embrace their unique selves and let go of the unrealistic standard of perfection. She highlights that being true to oneself, even if it means not everyone will like it, is empowering and essential for personal fulfillment.

Key Insights:

• Unique Identity:
  Embracing one's uniqueness allows mothers to contribute authentically to the world, celebrating all parts of who they are, including their flaws and imperfections.

• Rejecting Perfectionism:
  Letting go of the need to be perfect enables mothers to accept failure as a natural part of growth and to nurture a healthier self-image.

Notable Quote:
"We can be both good and bad. If we want to do so, we should be both." (23:15)

Conclusion: A Message of Empowerment and Support

Kirk Martin concludes the episode by expressing profound gratitude to Jess for her vulnerability and willingness to share her story. He reinforces the message that mothers are not alone in their struggles and that communities like Celebrate Calm are here to offer support and resources. Kirk affirms the strength and resilience of mothers, reminding them that they "kick ass" and are "great moms."

Notable Quote:
"Moms, you kick ass. You're not alone. And you're great moms." (49:55)

Final Thoughts

Episode #472 of the Calm Parenting Podcast offers a deeply personal and honest exploration of motherhood through Jess's candid reflections. By addressing the internal and societal challenges mothers face, the episode serves as both a mirror and a source of solace for listeners, encouraging self-compassion, authenticity, and the reclamation of personal identity amidst the demands of parenting.

If you’re navigating the complexities of motherhood and seeking relatable insights and support, this episode is a must-listen.

Resources:

• Celebrate Calm Website: www.CelebrateCalm.com
• Contact: Casey@CelebrateCalm.com
• Social Media: Facebook, TikTok, Instagram (@CalmParentingPodcast)