No Fap & Creatine Jacked: Matt McCusker's Life Lessons

Summary

Podcast Summary: Camp Gagnon – Episode: "No Fap & Creatine Jacked: Matt McCusker's Life Lessons"

Release Date: July 29, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of Camp Gagnon, host Mark Gagnon engages in a deep and candid conversation with stand-up comedian and author Matt McCusker. The discussion delves into Matt's personal journey with semen retention (No Fap), his use of creatine for fitness, and the broader life lessons he's gleaned from these practices. The conversation spans various topics, including mental health, parenting, fitness, philosophy, and personal anecdotes, providing listeners with a multifaceted perspective on self-improvement and discipline.

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Gardening and the Hardships of Farming

The episode begins with a light-hearted discussion about gardening and yard work. Matt shares his humorous struggles with gardening, highlighting his preference for planting a variety of seeds without strict guidelines:

[02:09] Matt McCusker: "I'm good enough. What I do is I just plant a ton of stuff, and it's just kind of like, whatever thrives naturally."

Matt contrasts modern farming's complexities with the simplicity of hunter-gatherer lifestyles, suggesting that while agriculture is demanding, it pales in comparison to the life of ancient foragers:

[03:22] Matt McCusker: "We were hunter and gatherers. We're so dumb."

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Parenting and Concerns About Pornography

A significant portion of the conversation addresses the impact of pornography on parenting and family life. Matt emphasizes the importance of avoiding porn consumption, especially after becoming a parent, to set a positive example and prevent children from accessing inappropriate content:

[11:19] Matt McCusker: "Once you have kids, you cannot watch porn and masturbate because if your kids catch you doing that, it's gonna ruin their whole life."

Matt and Andrew discuss societal attitudes towards pornography, highlighting the hidden struggles individuals face and the long-term consequences of exposure:

[12:22] Andrew Schulz: "Yo, that's a good point."

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Fitness, Creatine, and Performance Goals

The dialogue shifts to fitness, where Matt shares his approach to staying jacked through performance-based goals rather than aesthetics. He outlines his regimen with creatine, aiming to enhance his physical performance and overall health:

[08:16] Matt McCusker: "Instead of aesthetics, I go just performance based. That's what helps me."

Andrew and Matt discuss the optimal dosing of creatine, with Matt advocating for higher intake to combat sleep deprivation and enhance cognitive function:

[41:26] Andrew Schulz: "If you're taking five, stick with five. Talk to all the experts."

Matt recounts humorous experiences related to creatine use, including challenges with purchasing and the physical effects it has on him:

[42:11] Matt McCusker: "I have two months ago."

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Mental Health, Meditation, and Anger Management

Matt opens up about his past struggles with anger and the transformative role meditation played in his life. He describes how meditation helped him manage his temper and prevent destructive behaviors:

[31:32] Matt McCusker: "Meditation helped me because I learned to like, I would get angry and ... just have to let that feeling like course through your body."

The conversation explores the parallels between meditation practices and the concept of "goon brain," emphasizing the importance of mental discipline:

[33:25] Andrew Schulz: "Tell yourself. You're like, dude, once I just crack a B real quick, then I'll be good."

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Semen Retention (No Fap) and Lifestyle Changes

A core topic of the episode is semen retention, or No Fap, which Matt discusses extensively. He shares his commitment to abstaining from masturbation, citing benefits such as increased focus, discipline, and improved relationships:

[09:56] Matt McCusker: "I gave up masturbating for life. I'll never do it ever again."

Matt reflects on the societal stigma surrounding No Fap and its practical implications for parents, emphasizing the necessity of setting a positive example for one's children:

[11:15] Matt McCusker: "Once you have kids, you cannot watch porn and masturbate because if your kids catch you doing that, it's gonna ruin their whole life."

Andrew adds his perspective, acknowledging the challenges and the fleeting moments of weakness associated with No Fap:

[10:06] Matt McCusker: "I need you to be a little more real. I did that. I tried to use ChatGPT to be my personal trainer. And I was like, hey, be David Goggins. Be Jocko willing. ..."

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Diet, Fasting, and Nutrition

The hosts delve into discussions about diet and fasting. Andrew shares his experiences with intermittent fasting and high-protein, high-fat diets, referencing Dr. Jason Fung's work on insulin sensitivity and weight loss:

[43:42] Andrew Schulz: "His whole thing is just like one meal a day. High protein, high fats."

Matt concurs, sharing his own fasting regimen and its impact on his health and fitness goals:

[46:03] Andrew Schulz: "I've been doing that over the past like six months. It's been like transformative."

They discuss the benefits of reducing sugar intake, with both emphasizing the negative effects of sugar crashes and the importance of a balanced diet:

[47:02] Andrew Schulz: "Truly is just the sugar crash out."

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Philosophical Insights on Suffering

The conversation takes a philosophical turn as Matt and Andrew explore the role of suffering in personal growth and fulfillment. Drawing from Eastern philosophies and the teachings of the Desert Fathers, they discuss how moderate suffering can lead to resilience and a deeper appreciation for life's joys:

[77:58] Andrew Schulz: "Of course. And all like the cheap hits of dopamine are just gonna, exactly. Basically, just lock you into sadness long term."

Matt connects these ideas to his own experiences as a parent, emphasizing the purpose and growth that come from overcoming challenges:

[78:24] Andrew Schulz: "But parenting has shown me like, it, it does reveal the double standard that I hold for myself, you know, where like, I'm like, you can't look at the iPad, but I can go on my phone all day just doom scrolling."

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Anecdotes and Personal Stories

Throughout the episode, Matt shares various personal stories that illustrate his journey towards self-improvement and the challenges he's faced:

• Injuries from Physical Activities: Matt recounts his experiences with skating and sports-related injuries, highlighting the humorous and unexpected consequences of his active lifestyle.

  [56:14] Andrew Schulz: "But yeah, you mean that shit rock my world."

• Recording Mishaps: He describes incidents during the filming of his special, including accidentally injuring himself on camera, which added authenticity and humor to his performances.

  [63:39] Matt McCusker: "I have this giant."

These anecdotes serve to humanize Matt and provide relatable insights into the difficulties of maintaining discipline and focus in everyday life.

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Conclusion

The episode wraps up with Matt discussing his ongoing projects, including writing and collaborating with other authors to refine his craft. He emphasizes the importance of continuous learning and self-improvement:

[73:04] Matt McCusker: "I've been reading Elmore Leonard a lot. He wrote Get Shorty. ..."

Matt and Andrew reaffirm the value of discipline, presence, and balancing personal goals with family responsibilities. The conversation leaves listeners with a sense of inspiration and practical advice for navigating the complexities of modern life through discipline and mindful practices.

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Notable Quotes

• "Once you have kids, you cannot watch porn and masturbate because if your kids catch you doing that, it's gonna ruin their whole life." – Matt McCusker [11:19]
• "Meditation helped me because I learned to like, I would get angry and ... just have to let that feeling like course through your body." – Matt McCusker [31:32]
• "Instead of aesthetics, I go just performance based. That's what helps me." – Matt McCusker [08:16]
• "If you can get five, huge victory...you can have actually a better life as an older person." – Matt McCusker [28:59]
• "It's like, you can make your life better, and you should, but it's also, like, what people don't focus on is, like, how do you train the instrument which actually experiences happiness, which is yourself?" – Matt McCusker [80:34]

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Camp Gagnon offers a thorough exploration of Matt McCusker's personal development strategies, blending humor with deep philosophical insights. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own habits and consider the benefits of discipline, mindfulness, and purposeful living as shared by Matt and his insightful conversations with Andrew Schulz.

Transcript

[Mark Gagnon]

This message is sponsored by Greenlight. With school out, summer is the perfect time to teach our kids real world money skills they'll use forever. Greenlight is a debit card and the number one family finance and safety app used by millions of families helping kids learn how to save, invest and spend wisely. Parents can send their kids money and track their spending and saving while kids build money, confidence and skills in fun ways. Start your risk free Greenlight trial [e-mail] Spotify that's greenlight.com Spotify.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, I feel the resonance. Do you? This might not be 432 though.

[Shane Gillis]

This is Matt McCusker. He is truly one of the most fascinating minds in stand up comedy today and I absolutely love him. He is a stand up comedian, an author in one half of Matt and Shane's secret podcast.

[Andrew Schulz]

He's kind of just like a, like.

[Shane Gillis]

A hilarious Buddhist monk reincarnated into the.

[Andrew Schulz]

Body of a young black conservative. And today we go through everything, we.

[Shane Gillis]

Talk about semen retention and fasting and eastern philosophies and why suffering is actually good for you, about the testosterone and steroid allegations which Matt vehemently denies and even his, you know, mild challenge that he's doing with Hoss. This is an absolutely amazing episode. If you guys are fans of Matt and Shane like me, you're absolutely going to love it and I hope you.

[Andrew Schulz]

Guys enjoy it half as much as.

[Shane Gillis]

I enjoyed having it. So without further ado, sit back, relax.

[Andrew Schulz]

And welcome to camp the wild wild west. Matt McCusker. What's up brother?

[Matt McCusker]

What up, bro? Mark, how you doing?

[Andrew Schulz]

Thanks for joining me, dude. Thanks for having me in this beautiful narco paradise.

[Matt McCusker]

This is awesome.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, not too shabby. We're just going to be out here cooking up a sweat for a little bit, drinking Topo Chico's. You know what I mean?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

I think we're officially, officially landscapers.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

For real.

[Matt McCusker]

I like how when it's hot the landscapers wear more clothing though. They dress like fallout characters. Down here it's just like full on, full sleeves, face covering, visor, the other shiesty on.

[Andrew Schulz]

I'm like, I like that, I like seeing them out there. Just I guess you got to keep the sun off you.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, literally just gotta keep the sun off and wear like lightweight fabrics, I guess.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

But yeah, I'm waiting two more years. I'll probably start wearing a sheisty.

[Andrew Schulz]

Have you been doing, doing some yard work now that you're officially. A little gardening.

[Matt McCusker]

A little gardening.

[Andrew Schulz]

Are you a green thumb?

[Matt McCusker]

Not really, Honestly, I wish I was better, but I don't know. I'm good enough. What I do is I just plant a ton of stuff, and it's just kind of like, whatever thrives naturally. I kind of just roll with that because I just don't have the time or patience to be like, you know, I'll read the seed packets. It's like, you should plant it this time. It's like, bro, it's getting planted right now. I'm not gonna. I, like, they're like, measure them. Like, you know, one per inch. It's like I'm throwing these everywhere.

[Andrew Schulz]

He's got to leave it up to God sometimes.

[Matt McCusker]

Pretty much, that's how I. That's how I garden. I had a wild sunflower.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Take root. And that thing's been going nuts, so that's been cool.

[Andrew Schulz]

And that's God's will, you know, you just throw some seeds out there and just be like, lord, whatever, you destined for my yard.

[Matt McCusker]

I. For real, I farm like a guy from, like, 3, 000 years ago. I just stick my thumb in holes and scatter seeds.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And I pray I go stuff, girl. I actually took some radishes in. That was my one yield. I got some radishes.

[Andrew Schulz]

I feel like after, like, I tried doing this, like, just on my patio one day, just, like, getting little heirloom tomatoes.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And you do that for a little bit. You're like, dude, farming sucks. Like, I feel like. I feel like farming. We really. We really messed up.

[Matt McCusker]

That's hard. It's. To be the hardest thing in the world. And then if, like. Like, so many things can go wrong, and you're just.

[Andrew Schulz]

I feel like we peaked at hunting and gathering. Is that a crazy take?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, definitely.

[Andrew Schulz]

What?

[Matt McCusker]

For sure. We were hunter and gatherers. We're so dumb. For real. We didn't have any time to figure anything out.

[Andrew Schulz]

What do you mean? I feel like it was mostly time. I feel like it's mostly just, like, walking around, grabbing a berry. You know, you find a beaver, hit him in the head.

[Matt McCusker]

Imagine if you got hungry and you were like, this might be it. Every time you got hungry, you're like, this might be the time my whole family and I die.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, but you're also fasting. You're getting shredded along the way.

[Matt McCusker]

You're definitely shredded. But also, if you. You're definitely shredded. No one's denying that. But if you twist an ankle, like, your whole family died. If you, like, twisted an ankle and fell in the woods, that is true.

[Andrew Schulz]

Fried that's the pressure makes diamonds.

[Matt McCusker]

That's true. No, that's true. Then like, yeah, you like, they were like, keeping their ancestors skulls. Like, you'd have like, your house. You wouldn't have a house. You'd have a mud hut with, like, your parents skulls.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Laying there. Your wife stinks. Your wife would smell so bad.

[Andrew Schulz]

I just went to this doctor. I. I didn't go to the doctor as a pediatrician. We went to. And he was like, oh, yeah, well, a lot of kids are vitamin D deficient.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And I was like, oh, really? He was like, yeah. And it's not because of lack of sun. It's because of all the soap we're using. And I was like, hang on a second.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn, your pediatrician sounds actually cool. Just kind of like.

[Andrew Schulz]

No, he's chill as hell.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, we had. We had to seek him out. We had to find him.

[Matt McCusker]

That's. Yeah, true. They're kind of a rarity. A lot of them are like, if you don't do all this stuff, your kids are going to die.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah, no, that. We didn't have that because. Did you have pediatricians with your kids that were like, yo, if you don't do this, your kids are for sure. They're bad kids.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, well, ours and ours. And Philly, she was actually very good, but she was like, pretty gung ho. We had Covid babies and they were like, jab them. I was like, yeah, wait, let's just.

[Andrew Schulz]

See it through, you know, see what happens.

[Matt McCusker]

But they were. She was good. Other than that, she was good. She was just heavy handed. She's like, if you don't was. I was like, ah, we're gonna wait on that. She's like, well, that's fine. It's totally up to you guys. Your child runs a higher risk of dying, so we're just gonna let you know, like, all right, thanks, lady.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, a nuanced take, but she was good.

[Matt McCusker]

Our kid got sick a couple times, went to the hospital, and that's like super. Yeah. Like two things at once. And then like, you know, they're giving you the old. Like, ah, like, we don't really know what it is. And then like, the pediatrician would call us, be like, what is it? What did they say it was? And they're like, they don't know. She's like, dude, put me on the phone. And she just reamed them out.

[Andrew Schulz]

Really?

[Matt McCusker]

Then they actually ran the right test and figured out what it was. Like a double. It was like two different infections at Once. That's why it was so bad.

[Andrew Schulz]

Damn.

[Matt McCusker]

So they were able to figure out, like, bacterial versus viral and how they treat, you know? And again, the hospital, Children's hospital. Have you been there yet with your baby?

[Andrew Schulz]

No, dude. Praise the Lord.

[Matt McCusker]

That's to answer your question about Hunter gathering. That's when you go, oh, okay. Yeah. Actually, society is not all evil. The fact that we have children's hospitals is pretty fudgeing. Awesome.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

That's terrifying. It's so scary.

[Andrew Schulz]

It is sick as hell. Honest, Honestly. But I'll just. At this point, I just go to chat CBT.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Andrew Schulz]

I just started ChatGPT, and it's like, yo, here's what I'm going through right now.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. What should I do?

[Andrew Schulz]

My kids coughing up a storm. Is that chill or not?

[Matt McCusker]

I think it's pretty chill, actually.

[Andrew Schulz]

And then Chad, like, it's pretty good. I don't like the charge, but he will, like, just stroke my ego too much, though.

[Matt McCusker]

You gotta ask for brutal honesty.

[Andrew Schulz]

I will. And then it'll give me, like, two answers of honesty, and then by the third one, it's like, but you're a good dad.

[Matt McCusker]

Do you lock? You say lock in, and you can just be like, bro, stop fluffing me. I know I'm a piece of shit.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, did you stroke my shit right now?

[Matt McCusker]

I know I'm a piece of shit.

[Andrew Schulz]

I need you to be a little more real. I did that. I tried to use ChatGPT to be my personal trainer. And I was like, hey, be David Goggins. Be Jocko willing.

[Matt McCusker]

What did it say?

[Andrew Schulz]

It was like, yo, you're a little bitch. Like, get up in the morning. But then after, like, three days, it.

[Matt McCusker]

Was like, oh, you said be. I thought you said beat them. I'm like, damn.

[Andrew Schulz]

I was like, whoa, yo, yo, for real. Send a cyber attack immediately to Goggins. No, I said be them. I was like, pretend you're David Goggins.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay.

[Andrew Schulz]

And it was, like, pretty sick for, like, three days. But then it got very. I don't know, became very sycophantic immediately. And then it was just like, yo, you're good. Just chill.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that's nice. But you. You can use it. I feel like it's good for doing, like, I want to run the mile in this time. How do I train for that? And it'll be. It'll give you a good program.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. What's your mile time right now?

[Matt McCusker]

Right now? I got. I might actually retest tomorrow, but as of. As of, like, a couple Weeks ago It was like 6:58. So I got.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, that's solid.

[Matt McCusker]

It's not bad. I'm trying to get down to like sub seven. I mean, sub seven. Yeah, I got down to sub seven.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, are you. Are you cooking for like 5Ks?

[Matt McCusker]

Not really. I'm just trying to, like, I just like giving myself little fitness goals and like, rather than just work, if I just work out without like a point to it, I don't. I'll. I just won't really do it. But if it's like, let's see how low I can get this down, it's like, I'll actually do it.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, there's a. An article I read about this dude. He talks about this Japanese word for like a difficult thing to do, like a challenging task. It's a specific Japanese philosopher. I forget exactly what it is, but is basically like, every year, try to create a super difficult task. If it's like, hey, run a marathon in two and a half hours. Like, just like set a goal for every year, whether it's like a physical task, like some type of like, personal thing you want to achieve and just lock in on it for the year. And it makes things so much more fulfilling. Because now your diet is not just like, oh, I do this forever, all the time. It's like, no, I'm working towards this one specific personal goal.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, man. I've been trying to get shredded for like five years now, and it's just not been happening. I can't. I can't stop pigging out.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

But I've actually, I've shifted it. I don't do. Instead of aesthetics, I go just performance based. That's what helps me. Because if I like, if I start seeing any results, I go, dude, it's time. I can totally pig out again. So now I just go performance based, where I just pig out. But I'm trying to step the performance up to where, like, the physical goals are so hard that obviously aesthetic will just follow. Now I don't even care.

[Andrew Schulz]

You're in a contest right now of running battle. A duel. And what is the. What is the context of this duel?

[Matt McCusker]

Me versus my fat cousin.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I'm gonna win. I have. If I don't win, that's gonna be great. Shame on my family. But he's. He is a psycho. He was a D1 wrestler. I think he was D1. I'm not sure, but he was. He was definitely wrestled in college. And he is an absolute psychopath. So what weight Class heavyweight. I told you. He's fat. Fat cousin.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, cars. Cars are in your favor right now. You know what I mean?

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know. I don't know What? I don't know. He was probably. He probably wrestled because I know wrestlers are kind of weirdos where they like really shed a lot of weight.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

If I had a guess, he would wrestle at like one. You know, back in his prime, before he was fat and like 40 something. He probably wrestled at like 1 75ish, if that's a thing. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And he's pulling sub 7 miles right now.

[Matt McCusker]

He's doing like. He's getting close, though. He's doing like eight. But it's a. If it were three miles, he could have a chance to beat me because I'm not good on the distance.

[Andrew Schulz]

And when is this going? When is the. The thrilling Philly.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm doing a show in Atlantic city, I think August 16th or 18th. I forget. So then he's down the beach right around Atlantic City. So we're. I'm going to get a beach house there, like a couple days after the show and chill with my family and.

[Andrew Schulz]

Just race him and just lock in.

[Matt McCusker]

Just. I'm already locked in right now. I might skip the show and AC just to run.

[Andrew Schulz]

You see? More dialed today than I've ever seen you.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm dialed. Dude, it's crazy. I don't know what happened. I mean, dude, everyone. Everyone hates that I talk about this, but, dude, I. I gave up masturbating for life. I'll never do it ever again.

[Andrew Schulz]

When was the last time you got a stroke?

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, it must have been like at least a month and a half, two months ago.

[Andrew Schulz]

Respect.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. And it's like, that's another thing I've been trying and people like, we're sick of hearing about this. It's like, I. I mean, dude, imagine if you stop jerking off for the rest of your life. It's great. Every day.

[Andrew Schulz]

You're preaching the choir over here. Dude, I've quit masturbating. It's pretty easy to do.

[Matt McCusker]

It is.

[Andrew Schulz]

I've quit masturbating a hundred times. You know, like every couple. Every time I do it, dude, I.

[Matt McCusker]

Don'T know what happened to flip switch. And I go like, yeah, I'm never gonna do that again. And like, even it'll like, I'll think about it. And it's like, dude, you know, that's kind of weird. Don't even.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, do you remember the final beat, though?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it was like Any other one. It was just kind of like hotel room. Obviously I'm traveling for stand up.

[Andrew Schulz]

Just.

[Matt McCusker]

I couldn't sleep. I beat myself absolutely silly and was just kind of like, that's not it.

[Andrew Schulz]

You got to frame that video. Whatever the final beat was. Yeah, right. Dude, this is the final spillage, you know, I mean, put it up in your office in your compound.

[Matt McCusker]

I really. I genuinely don't remember. It was just like. It was just. I was just in a pornhole. I was in a goon hole online. Just. Just scrolling through.

[Andrew Schulz]

Dude, I've been trying to get off it for a while.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, when you have kids, you have to. That's my thing.

[Andrew Schulz]

Wait, why?

[Matt McCusker]

You can't be here's. You can. You can jerk off. If you don't have kids, it doesn't matter.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Once you have kids, you cannot watch porn and masturbate because if your kids catch you doing that, it's gonna. Their whole life.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, it ruins everything.

[Matt McCusker]

It ruins everything.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And it's also like, just gross.

[Andrew Schulz]

There is a little party.

[Matt McCusker]

Don't have a kid. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

[Andrew Schulz]

You can live it for you.

[Matt McCusker]

You can do whatever you want.

[Andrew Schulz]

Catch a beat on a weekend.

[Matt McCusker]

Whatever you want to do. Every day when you wake up, it literally, there's no.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean the morning beat. I mean, you might as well just go back to sleep. You know what I mean? It kind of just sucks the wind out of your sails.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you should. You should call a doctor on the morning.

[Andrew Schulz]

Talk to Chad. It's like, dude, keep beating it. Keep on stroking it. No, be David Goggins. Keep stroking.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, people are. People are mad. I don't want to hear about this anymore. It's like, that's fine. Again, it doesn't matter. You can do whatever you want. If you don't have K. Knock yourself out. But it's like once you have kids, you can't. You just can't be a porn dad. It's just weird. Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's not a great look.

[Matt McCusker]

No. Did you have like, friends whose like dads had porn, like, hidden that you could like, find?

[Andrew Schulz]

None I respected.

[Matt McCusker]

Exactly. Literally. Exactly. It's just weird. It's just a weird thing. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

I never liked it. We would sometimes find porno mags in the woods. That was kind of chill.

[Matt McCusker]

That's fine.

[Andrew Schulz]

Like, as a little kid, there was also.

[Matt McCusker]

Because of porn dads had a hide. Think about that.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yo, That's a good point.

[Matt McCusker]

So many children would see weird porn because fucking porn dads Would go out in the woods like cowards and beat off. Actually going to the woods, actually, that's kind of. I can respect that. Like, taking it outside like a dog that shits, like, really far away. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

This is the me time. You know what I mean?

[Matt McCusker]

That's why so many kids found porn. Like, literally that. And that's what I'm trying to say. It's like those porn dads back in the 90s or whenever literally gave children porn. They didn't do it. Like, a pedophile would do it, but gave it.

[Andrew Schulz]

Like how he gave weapons to Afghanistan.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. In a way.

[Andrew Schulz]

We just deserted. We left them there, and the Taliban was like, dude, how do you turn these things on?

[Matt McCusker]

They're like, it's too hot. We got to get the fuck out of here. Yeah, man.

[Andrew Schulz]

And the Taliban was like, dude, free tanks. That's sick as hell.

[Matt McCusker]

I know. They didn't. They weren't ready for them either. They shouldn't have them.

[Andrew Schulz]

Dude. I want. I want to see that. I feel like that's like 2001 Space Odyssey, you know what I mean? With the Taliban got all the tanks.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, they were just do some videos of them, like, around with them.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, they were just like, dude, how do you.

[Matt McCusker]

Also.

[Andrew Schulz]

Where's the charger for this?

[Matt McCusker]

I feel like, do they still have those tanks? Because I. I feel like someone swooped, just snag those things.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, middle of the night.

[Matt McCusker]

Because if I'm Russia and I hear the Taliban has tanks, I'm going, they're mine.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

If I. I. If I had a guess, someone was like, yeah, give me that to get the out of here, probably.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, that's what I would do.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. If I was. If I was any other. I mean, maybe America did it. I don't know.

[Andrew Schulz]

Can't be letting these boys roll around or sick Whip.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't. I don't think they know how to use them either.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, I mean, I don't know how to use them.

[Matt McCusker]

That's what I'm saying. I don't know.

[Andrew Schulz]

You deserted a billion dollars worth of tanks in my yard. They would just still be there.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I might. Yeah. Literally. I don't know how I would sell.

[Andrew Schulz]

Them at an antique shop. I'd be like, do you guys want these? I don't know.

[Matt McCusker]

You could scrap them.

[Andrew Schulz]

I don't even know how to do that. I just have to have someone come by, you know, honks, moving junk, and be like, yo, do y' all want this? I wouldn't know what to do. With it. But now I'm with you on the porn thing. Dude, I don't know. It's not a popular take. No, it's not like a cool position.

[Matt McCusker]

People get mad. They get mad. They go, we don't want to fuck you. This is all you ever talk about. I'm like, dude, it's. It's crazy. It's great. Did like, literally turn the page of your life for you? Oh, yeah. Like, because I could never understand it when I was younger. Like, if. Dude, if I had porn, my parents would freak out and I'd be like, why are they so annoying about porn? Like, shut up.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Then you cut. Then, you know, once you have kids, you're like, yeah, this is bad. You shouldn't have that.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, I mean, there's the. The semen retention, which is nice. You know what I mean? You get a little. Little boost, a little focus.

[Matt McCusker]

That's. Dude, that. That's the bigger thing. Really, you know, whatever porn is, whatever. But it's like, especially being in a long term relationship. For me, that was always the wedge. I was such a pussy brat the entire time. I'm like, no matter what was going on, I'd be like, I should be having sex more. And then being able to be like, I really think it's just getting older, but being able to, like, in a relationship like that, be like, I'm not even gonna apply any pressure on that front. I'm just gonna retain. And just. And also, again, it's an effective reverse psychology on your wife to be like, yo, I don't even care, bro. Yeah, for real. You just let me know. Tag me in.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, this note is mine.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Schulz]

You don't want it? I'm gonna keep it. Almost.

[Matt McCusker]

Almost.

[Andrew Schulz]

Kind of like I'm taking my ball and going home.

[Matt McCusker]

I guess. Well, it's that. And it's even like, yeah, I guess we can have. I guess we can have sex. Like, I'm gonna lose some of my power, which I'm kind of not exactly stoked about. But, you know, I took a vow and I will break you off.

[Andrew Schulz]

Technically. I swore before God that I would load you up with a nut every now and again.

[Matt McCusker]

It's like, you know, you don't have any of this stuff, so I should. I'll give you a little bit, but.

[Andrew Schulz]

There'S the least I could do.

[Matt McCusker]

Don't get used to it. But, dude, I'm telling you, it's. It's a. I don't know, man. It's just a weird thing. And it also, I feel like it streamlines your mind too. Like, when you're like. Because, you know, I'm like, I'm in like an office. I sit there all day and I write. When I have a goon brain, it's just like, I'm writing, writing, writing. And then it's like every 10 seconds, like, is it time to goon? And it's like, no, come on, man, it's not time. And then it's just like, writing, writing, right?

[Andrew Schulz]

Tell yourself. You're like, dude, once I just. I just crack a B real quick, then I'll be good. And then you get back there, it's like an hour later, and you're like, exactly, I'm not doing anything. Yeah, but your goon brain's like, no, no, no. You just need one rip and then you'll be fine.

[Matt McCusker]

That's what I'm trying to say, man. It's. I don't know. The main thing was, was like, for some reason, I had a deep seated belief that, like, if I were to reach a level of like, you know, if so many days would go by without me spilling, I would be like, so angry. Like, it was like a deep injustice that I'd be like, how? How dare you know my wife? Or if I wasn't with anyone, like, I should be spraying. And then when that goes away, you're just like, yeah, I'm just free to do my thing. And then it comes around and you're ready, because I don't know if you've ever been there before. If you're in a relationship and you're like, I don't think I'm getting any pussy tonight. I'm going to fap. And then what you do? And then it's just some weird coincidence. Your babe's like, let's have sex.

[Mark Gagnon]

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[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, every time. Dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Fuck. I fucking goon soft penis. We haven't had sex in a week now. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, that's.

[Matt McCusker]

Every time I like, I've gotten caught slipping like that. I'm like, I can't get caught slipping like that ever again.

[Andrew Schulz]

There's so many times with my. With my. My sweet lady that I. If I'm. If I'm on a retention wave and I just like proposition that. She's like, yeah, for sure. And it kind of catches me off guard. I'm like, wait, that's all it took? And she's like, yeah, dude, 100. 100.

[Matt McCusker]

That's what I'm saying.

[Andrew Schulz]

But if I just go the easy way, they get the cheap dope. You know what I mean?

[Matt McCusker]

They know when you're gooned. They absolutely know.

[Andrew Schulz]

And they catch you on it. You know what I mean? I think that's God's will. Once again.

[Matt McCusker]

I remember, I remember my. My wife hit me with that. She was like. I was like, dude, I'm traveling. I'm by myself. Obviously. This is when I had goon brain. But I'm like, I'm just going to like. She would be like. She would tell me like, don't jerk off in the hotel. And I'm like, I'm going to jerk off in the hotel.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

She was like, fine, if you do it, don't look at porn. I was like, what the fuck's the point of it? Then she's like, why do you have to do that? And I was like, what are you talking about?

[Andrew Schulz]

No, I did that for a little bit. I just did just. Just fantasy brain.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, yeah. And that, that's. It also doesn't feel great, you know?

[Matt McCusker]

No, it's weird. That can take, well, two things. It's like when you go pure imagination mode, it's like there's no safe search on it. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

You don't have the FCC block anymore.

[Matt McCusker]

You're also remembering porns in your brain. I always be trying to remember porns.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just your. It's just your own AI. It's your own internal AI just coming up with stuff.

[Matt McCusker]

But either way, sorry, that's.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's.

[Matt McCusker]

I get tons of. For talking about people always like, we don't want to hear about this anymore.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's like, I mean, not to mention, I. I also am like porn is a pretty tough industry to defend.

[Matt McCusker]

It's really evil.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's a. It's a name.

[Matt McCusker]

One woman who's thrived and came out on the other end.

[Andrew Schulz]

Sasha Gray was in an Eminem video.

[Matt McCusker]

That's best case scenario. Best case scenario is to appear beside the rap devil. That's top of the mountain. Other than that, it's like suicide, drug overdose, or you just look, they get wrecked. Dude, porn stars. Yeah, it literally. I don't know what it is, but like they age so fast.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, no, it's an insidious industry and I do think it is a little bit of a. There's a. Some depravity of the human will that goes into it. You know, like there's. There's a little breakdown of what it is. This really what's good for humans. I don't know. But I also grew up Catholic, so I've same. I have a bad compass for this stuff. Like I never had a guilt free nut in my life, you know, Never even now. You know what I mean? I will have consensual sex my wife for the purpose of procreation. And I'll get off of it and be like, yeah, was that good? Like, I gotta check.

[Matt McCusker]

It's too loud.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah, we ripped doggy on this one. Like, I don't know if that was in God's divine plan here.

[Matt McCusker]

No, for me that's. That stuff is fine. I don't. It's the. The thing that kind of freaks me, especially with the only fans because now it's like, I. I don't. I don't know many like, you know, smoking hot college age chicks, but I imagine there's got to be a temptation. If you're like a super, super hot and your Instagram's kind of popping. I'd imagine there's a temptation that's there to monetize like sex stuff that really wasn't there before. Onlyfans. Oh yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And then that's.

[Matt McCusker]

That's where I'm like, that's like, that's evil, that's bad.

[Andrew Schulz]

And then the pipeline is like, you get into. And you're like, I'm just gonna do feet. And then you do fee for a little bit and you're like, all right, the followers are falling off. You know what I mean? I got to create shareholder value over here. You know, I'm a pure capitalist. We have Q3 KPI's I got to lock in on. You know what I mean? And then you turn to like a business magnet and you're like, all right, fine. I'll just get into, you know, some, like. Like, lingerie.

[Matt McCusker]

But, yeah, well, dude, what's.

[Andrew Schulz]

And then you're getting triple dp. You know what I mean?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. That all comes. And it's also like, dude, if you're like, I'm gonna do that for some quick money and get out again, I don't. I'm not, like, sitting here like, it's fundamentally evil. But it's like, if your goals are like, all right, I want to have kids or whatever, it's like, okay, whatever again, whatever. Do whatever you want. But, like, if you have done porn before and now you're having kids, it's like, I don't know, man. That's a rough sell. Unless, like, your kid is just so cool and understanding, which is, like, I don't know. Who's that chill about? Naked mom.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, no, naked mom's a tough sell for any kid.

[Matt McCusker]

Naked mom, dp, possibly.

[Andrew Schulz]

But also, like, you do hear these women that are like, I. I gained financial freedom, and, like, I live in a penthouse in Miami, and this is exactly what I wanted. I'm like, all right, if that's your thing, I'm to say, no, I. I question that, too.

[Matt McCusker]

It's like, okay, yeah, financial freedom, it's cool if you're, like, running from a pimp, but if you're like. Like, if you went to college, it's like, yo, dude, you can do this. You can totally do this by getting a job, too. You don't have to show your butthole to strangers.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, no, I mean, you're. You're preaching the choir here, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

You know what I mean?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. But again, I. I always acknowledge I grew up Catholic, so I. I feel probably like I am sexually repressed. So I'm not always the best person to discuss, you know? Like, I. Like, I was just telling my buddy the other day, I was like, dude, I've. I used to be still horny when I was a kid, and I would try not to catch a beat. And I used to, like, I would pray for wet dreams.

[Matt McCusker]

I still do.

[Andrew Schulz]

But, yeah, like, the wet dream. Like, I remember, like, checking it with, like, like, my pastor. And I was like, yeah, yeah. Is that, like, what's the. What's the ruling on this? What's the.

[Matt McCusker]

What's the verdict?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. What. Is there precedent for this case?

[Matt McCusker]

What'd he say?

[Andrew Schulz]

And he was like, dude, that's just a freebie. And I was like, all right, sick. So I would go to bed, just bricked and I would just. Like, my parents, when I was 14, they got, like, an Apple itouch for me.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, dude.

[Andrew Schulz]

Which is exactly what I did.

[Matt McCusker]

The Apple I touched myself.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's like, dude, this is like Steve Jobs wanted me to do this.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude. The video. I was just talking to someone about this. Yeah, the video ipods were just porn machines. Yeah, they're porn machines. They're tiny. And you're like a tiny thumbnail porn machine.

[Andrew Schulz]

And then you can sometimes listen to music if you want to, but it is a porn machine.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's. I never had. I never had one. I mean, that's not to say I didn't want one when I was younger, but it was like.

[Andrew Schulz]

Your parents knew?

[Matt McCusker]

No, they did. I just didn't have an. I never had an ipod until, like, my brother gave me one. It was like an old, you know, the big Boy. I don't think I had video capabilities.

[Andrew Schulz]

Damn. But, yeah, I mean, that shit rock my world. And I would just lay in bed, just be like, God, just please, anything. Just back up a Latino on me. I just. I need this right now.

[Matt McCusker]

True. Please. I've been working hard. My thing is, like, you know, there is like. You know, maybe it's just my Catholic guilt, but it's like, I'm not particularly, like, dogmatic about any religion, but if you just. For me, when I look at stuff like that, I'm like, all right, so if we. You do have to repress. There's no way. You can't have, like, a society without being somewhat repressed, because you got to repress some things. Like, you have to repress violence. Like, you can't have a society without repressing violence. You have to repress sex. Because it's like, first of all, like, you can't. It's obviously. It's like, everyone can agree, like, yeah, you can't do that.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So it's like, it does have to be, you know, like, you have to set boundaries and limitations and, like. Yeah, this idea. Or people are like. Like, I read something on Substack where ladies, like, people tell me I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't eat as much as I want. I shouldn't have sex whenever I want. It's like, yeah, you shouldn't. Like, I'm not. Again, it's not like, shame on you, but it's like, just not a good idea, especially if you're a lady. It's like, dude, if you get knocked up, you're fucked. Yeah, a guy should be there, but some guys don't. And it's like.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. And it's not only on women. Like, I think obviously women feel the brunt of it, largely because society we live in. But I do think men hold the burden as well where they're like, yeah. You also shouldn't just be like raw dog. And every seven you see, you know.

[Matt McCusker]

No, that. Dude, that's why I'm the. I go to the gym around here and it's just like. I mean, it's like almost a joke. You see, just like complete yoga wedgie pants with like the butt cuppers. And I think they're doing it for the guys because the dudes are so desensitized that it's like, I think you need to now just keep. You got to be like almost naked to have a guy be like, oh, wow, dude.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's my biggest fear. At the gym I go to, it's like, get a lot of influencers.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. They'll pop in a lot of fit.

[Andrew Schulz]

Fluencers hitting the back squad. And then they got the camera set up.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And then my dumb ass is just in the corner, just belly hanging out. I'm like, oh, God, I'm gonna be on some girl's tick tock clip. Just jaw open like, Exactly.

[Matt McCusker]

No, I gotta ask her, like, can.

[Andrew Schulz]

You blur my face?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Do you? Yeah. Like, I didn't sign a release. Yeah, no, I. I go to my gym and I keep it just completely dialed in. I just try to just ignore everything because, you know, because it's also just like. I don't know, it's totally understandable to be like. Because I. When I could see a woman's nipples, when she doesn't wear a bra, my brain stem shuts down for like five seconds. And not like, oh, I. I'm. Look, it's just. It for real destabilizes my thoughts.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So it's not like one of those things like, oh, it's wrong. You shouldn't do that. But I'm like, you're punching me in the head. You put a. Yeah. You're putting a burden on me that, like, I didn't ask for. I'm just trying to, like, trying to. I'm trying. I'm trying to joke. I'm trying to work out. I meant to say that jerk. It's a 40 and slip, obviously.

[Andrew Schulz]

But it's like coming to the gym.

[Matt McCusker]

Trying to work out. And I'll go to the gym with my wife and she'll be like, the is going on here? I'll be like, babes Only gym in the area.

[Andrew Schulz]

If we get a discount.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Like, we need to come here. So just be chill.

[Matt McCusker]

Just look me in the eyes the entire time. We'll make it through this.

[Andrew Schulz]

We will do curls facing each other.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. But then they have their male counterparts. It'll be guys shirtless, juiced up.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Just absolutely.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

People been saying the dick print lately, and it's. That's gotta stop. That's for real. Gotta stop. Yeah. It's a weird arms race. It's like, dude, nobody's gonna win this.

[Andrew Schulz]

Dude, the baby arms. Right? It's a crazy look, but, yeah, for real. When do we stop? You know what I mean?

[Matt McCusker]

I mean, it'll probably, like, everything kind of goes in cycles and reverts, so I don't know. I, I, I'm just. I am just act, like, literally getting old, because I'll see women now who are, like, somewhat conservatively dressed at the gym. And I'm like, good, there we go. There's a good girl.

[Andrew Schulz]

You see all this, like, conservative Twitter where it's like, Muslims are taking over America. And you're like, nice. Hell, yeah. That's what we need. We need more Nakibs. We need more hijabs.

[Matt McCusker]

I mean, again, it's like, I don't ever have, like. I don't really feel, like, moral outrage about it. I'm not like, shame on you. I totally understand the drive towards all.

[Andrew Schulz]

Just your monkey brains lighting up.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Just exactly. It's like, bro, my monkey brain's lighting up. I'm trying to. I don't know. I feel like that's. That's one of my number one goals in life is, like, just to. And I'm not like, you know, I don't like to try to, like, sound like a lot of people talk about, like, you know, spiritual stuff, or they're like, I want to, like, completely shed my ego.

[Andrew Schulz]

Get out of the Matrix.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Or whatever. I don't think about it like that, but it's like, if there is. If there are some inner adjustments I can make just to make my life, like, 20 easier. That's what I'm after.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

It's like, I do think as you get older, like, again, I'm. I'll be 40 next year. I have two kids. It just doesn't fit into, like, what I'm doing. To be, like, an absolute goblin. And being like, oh. Oh. It just. It would literally my whole life up.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And it just, it just like. It's one of those things where as you get older, like, If. And this is just my perspective, but if it's like, if I were at 40, to be, like, orienting myself around purely worldly goals at one point, you just become kind of a joke. Because, like, you know, if you're like an old, you can become an older, wealthy guy, but it's like, what? I'm gonna college chicks. So it's. It's just weird. It's just kind of weird. And then it's like, I should be hanging out with my kids. And I'm like, I have a hot new girlfriend. Girls, please understand your daddy. Yes.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's just like, yeah, you kind of missed it.

[Matt McCusker]

If you can work on, like, shedding that now, I think you can have actually a better life as an older person, which nobody really cares about. Everyone wants to have, like, a cooler life now.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

But I'm kind of over indexing on, like, the. A very chill life as, like, a 56 year old.

[Andrew Schulz]

That was kind of my goal. I don't know. Like, I was like, dude, I'm gonna have a kid at 28.

[Matt McCusker]

Sick.

[Andrew Schulz]

We were gonna have some earlier and then, you know, some issues, but I was like, having a baby at 28. All my friends were like, dude, you're psychotic.

[Matt McCusker]

No, it's a move.

[Andrew Schulz]

I was like, this is awesome. I'm still young.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

I still got energy. I can. I can wrestle with them.

[Matt McCusker]

I wish I had kids earlier. That was my thing. I mean, it's like, I'm glad I didn't because I was an absolute maniac. But it.

[Andrew Schulz]

You also need the right gal.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, the gal. Them is big on that. So you got to, like, find the right one. Like, I would never pressure someone to be like, yeah, dude, have kids young and it don't. It don't matter, you know? I mean.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, yeah, no, it could be. It could get very bad and very ugly.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

What's up, guys? We're going to take a break really quick because we got merch. If you don't know, we got camp research and development merchandise. You can see it right here. Also, my buddy Andrew Schultz was actually just out hanging with his fam, having a good old time. All of a sudden, a dude walks up to me, goes, yo, what's up, Schultze? And guess what? He was wearing this shirt right here. So shout out to that legend, whoever you are. You're the man. I appreciate that. And if you want to cop your very own camp threads, go to camp-r d dot com. We're dropping all sorts of new gear. You can See some of the images here of some of the products that we got. And anytime you buy a T shirt, you help this show directly operate. It is a huge, huge lift and I'm very grateful for everyone that reps the gear, especially at the live shows. Seeing you guys wearing the T shirts at the shows truly makes my life. It's the coolest thing ever. I cannot believe people are actually wearing clothes that me and my friends are designing and sending imessage chats like, yo, you think this is cool? It's the craziest thing in the world. And I'm so grateful for everyone that does it. Check it out. We got the link in the description. Now let's get back to the show. What's up guys? I'm on the road. That's right. I'm going to Chandler, Arizona, San Diego, California, Burlington, Vermont, Montreal, Toronto, Detroit and a bunch of other dates that I will be adding to my website, markagnon live.com I would love to see you guys there. Obviously, if you don't know, I'm a stand up comedian and stand up comedy is my passion. It's the thing I love to do and seeing you guys all come out to the shows truly makes my life. I hang out after the show and say what's up to everybody. So if you want to come through, check out the show, say what's up to me. It would mean the world. You can see me at all these dates and more on my website markagnon live.com and I'll see you guys on the road.

[Andrew Schulz]

Do you meditate? Are you a big meditation guy?

[Matt McCusker]

I like it. I used to do it a lot. I don't do it as much anymore but I do try to do it like every night before I go to bed and like, or just like if I catch like 10 minutes I'll try to just like actively work on slowing my mind during COVID I did it like a lot.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And I got like way better at like dude, I used to like feel like break shit. Like I would get so angry.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh really?

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, dude, I was a monster. I would like especially when me and my wife were first together. We first were like living in a house. We were like having our. She was pregnant. Did we get an argument? I would fudgeing like throw an olive oil bottle at the wall.

[Andrew Schulz]

I was bad.

[Matt McCusker]

I was fucking mania.

[Andrew Schulz]

I was an Italian domestic violence, just an Irish fast.

[Matt McCusker]

It was so bad. I was, I dude never smash olive oil. It never came out. I, I put primer over it. I put spackle I did everything. And those little oil spots would bleed through. And every now and again she would just go, yeah, it didn't work. And I just remind me of my rage. And I'd be like, that's like a serious problem.

[Andrew Schulz]

Something poetic about it though. There's something beautiful about seeing the oil seep through just as a remnant of your anger.

[Matt McCusker]

I had oil in my ceiling and I actually chipped. We had. It wasn't hardwood, but it was like, you know those like fake hardwood floors that are like composite plastic?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I spiked a mug and it chipped the floor. So I had a chip on my floor that I covered shamefully with a rug. And I had a olive oil splatters in my ceiling that would like bleed through paint. It was just some weird thing I just never really figured out or dealt with. And then that's where meditation helped me because I learned to like. I would get angry and I remember it vividly. I'd be on like, we had like carpeted steps in her house in Philly. She would do something, it would piss me off. And I would just be like, you know, you get angry and you're like, you don't even think about it. You're like, I'm about to say a bunch of. That pisses her off now because her. Now I'm mad at her. Yeah, it's, you know, obviously, like, it's all her fault, you know, whatever. That's what you're thinking. And then I do remember, like learning how to like, stop and just like, especially when you want to break and just letting that feeling like course through your body. And then the first couple times that it like comes and goes, you're like, holy. I just averted like a three day, drawn out argument.

[Andrew Schulz]

Wow.

[Matt McCusker]

Just because I was able to go like, slow down and be like, yeah, dude, you're pissed right now, but you're not a toddler. You can't spaz.

[Andrew Schulz]

Interesting. It's kind of the same thing as goon brain, you know, I mean, it's equal same thing.

[Matt McCusker]

It's just lizard brain taking the helm.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, I'm. I'm grateful. I never had that. I never had like, like anger. I always went internal. I was just like, oh, I suck. I'm an idiot. I'm the worst. You know, which is not healthy either.

[Matt McCusker]

I would externalize. I'd be like, you're a idiot. You suck. I'm gonna break something down to that. You're an idiot.

[Andrew Schulz]

I'm doing an end zone dance, dude. I'm spiking. This thing. Yeah, that's, that's, that's tough.

[Matt McCusker]

No, I'm telling you, the meditation helped. I got real into like, you know, it's like, it's like that cliche thing where they're like, I got into Eastern philosophy. But like, dude, some of that is awesome, man.

[Andrew Schulz]

There's a reason it existed for 4,000 years.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, dude. And like there was the one thing. There was. I forget. I forget what it was from. I like, I read obviously not all the Upanishads, but I read like a book that had like selected different things. There was one thing they like a passage in there that I thought was awesome. It was like this guy. I don't. There's always like two dudes just like talking. But he was explaining the self as like a horse drawn carriage. And there's. Your senses are the horses. So you have. The horses are pulling the thing. And if, you know, if your senses are running the show, you're gonna crap. Like, you have horses going this way, one horse going that way. It's chaos. So then you have a guy just kind of whipping horses. That's like your ego being like, hey guys, knock it off. And it's just like this. You're just like kind of just, you know, it's like this violence on violence thing. We're just kind of like angrily trying to get these external or this, these internal impulses that are just completely out of control trying to run in the show. And it's like this feedback loop where, you know, it's just like, it's just not working. Yeah, you have an ill equipped person who's. He can like, you know, he can hold the reins of the horse, but he has no idea how to like truly navigate. And the whole point of the story was there's a rider inside of the caravan and that's your, like, they call like your real self or whatever and you need to like wake that inner thing up. That can actually watch your mind work from within your mind. Yeah, that makes sense. You can watch like, oh, I'm thinking this thing. But just because I'm thinking it doesn't mean a. It's, you know, reality. It's like, these are just my thoughts. They could be so wrong. They probably are. And that like getting that ability to like get distance within your own mind and be like, yeah, I'm pissed right now. I'm having all these things. I want to do all these things. I'm noticing myself having them. And then you can just kind of like let go. And that's you know, they say it's like your higher self or whatever.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I mean, that one that struck, that one was like a gold mine for me. I was like, oh, yeah, I should maybe have, you know, I need a deeper level of myself.

[Andrew Schulz]

Get these ponies under control.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, these ponies under control.

[Andrew Schulz]

I need these goon horses are, the.

[Matt McCusker]

Anger horses are all out of control. The person that I'm, you know, my level of awareness is just like spazzing like, stop, stop, stop.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yet the rider has to wake up and be like, bro, it's out. Basically. It's like this is outside of your pay grade for like steering my life consciously.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, of course. Because like now you're just angry at yourself for being angry. Oh, your senses will spike up. You're angry. You can't control your emotions. These are external things that get put into your subconscious. Now you're mad through childhood trau the way that you are. And now you're mad at yourself for being mad.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And then that doesn't help.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you go, oh, I up again.

[Andrew Schulz]

And then you're pissed off, dude. I mean, Daniel Kahneman, you ever read him? He's like a behavioral economist. He has a similar thing where it's like system one and system two thinking and system one, it might be flip flop, but system one is basically like. He describes like an elephant and a guy on top of the elephant.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And like your system one is like the, that's the, that's the rider. That's your active thought.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And that's like what you like ought to be almost like Kant. It's like, that's like who you aspire to be. And then you have the elephant, which is like your system too. And that's kind of like your passive subconscious. And eventually the rider will get tired and then your system two takes over and basically have to train your system too into doing the actions of your system one. And that's through like, you know, immersion and like sort of constant behavioral. Constant behavioral. Like re patterning.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that's the same. The Zen has the same thing with like the ox hurting. Do you ever see that? Like there's like six pictures and it's a guy in the woods being like, just chilling. Then he sees like the footprints of an ox and he discovers the ox and he's like, what the is this? He has to tame the ox and he gets to ride the ox back home to his village and he's like, I've, you know, conquered my inner weird stuff. So I, I, it Can be possible. It's one of those things where I think people. The trouble. The trouble is people go, I've conquered it 1,000%. And it's like, no, you didn't.

[Andrew Schulz]

So you never conquer it.

[Matt McCusker]

If you can get. If you can get five, huge victory.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You know what I mean? Especially with, like, nerve. That's the other thing with anxiety. It's another one where it's like, especially for doing. Like, when I started headlining, I would do shows and, like, I would get to a green room, and there my initial thoughts would be like, this is wrong. I'm bad. This isn't the right place. I'm going to ruin this. I'm gonna this up.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And then I'd have to go perform and, like, make people laugh. And, like, that's how I feel. I'm like, this is not good. So just learning how to be like, yeah, I actually am very nervous right now. But, you know, it's fine. I'm just gonna do what I got to do. And, you know, eventually that, like, it just all goes away. But so it's just. I feel bad when people never learn how to, like, get past that stuff. Because you genuinely can. That's my big thing. Because everyone's like, oh, well, you just think you become like a floating on a cloud map. It's like, no, dude, your life will still be very hard. But yeah, you can definitely make it better for yourself.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. You never reach. What is it in. In Hinduism? The what, enlightenment or, like, mukti or moksha. Yeah, like, you never, like, reach it ultimately, like, you reach it when you. When you die. But, like, the whole purpose is trying to, like, get it close to that perfect form.

[Matt McCusker]

Or maybe some people do. I don't know. It's like, I'm gonna try to do it. That's my goal. But it's like, I don't know. I don't. Again, it's just. For me, this is one of those things where it's like. Like, I did it last night. I, like, woke up in the middle of night to get my kids. I'm like, fuck, I'm not gonna fall asleep. I'm gonna be tired. And then what I usually do is go, fuck, dude, chill out. Stop freaking out. And I try to, like, make myself not spaz, which just freaks me out even more.

[Andrew Schulz]

Of course, you're trying to tame the horses.

[Matt McCusker]

And I just laid there and I was like, damn, spazzing. I might not fall asleep. And I just lay there and I just was like, whatever, and then pass out.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So yeah, that's a big one, man. Like learning how to.

[Andrew Schulz]

Well, that's how I view fitness. The same way. Because I love working out, but like, I don't do it for women. Like everyone, all my friends, like, dude, like, you're already married. Like, what, what's the point? And I'm like, well, the point is just like daily, like doing something difficult every single day and like trying to get better at doing hard things.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, dude. And it's like I also just feel like if I don't work out.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh yeah, of course.

[Matt McCusker]

And I will say I love. I flex on my wife all the time. When I'm getting any gains, I stand because we have like, you know, the set up in the bathroom. It's like her sink, my sink. I just stand in her mirror as she brushes her teeth. And I'm like, bro, my back.

[Andrew Schulz]

You are so lucky you got this barrel of snakes literally out in the bed next.

[Matt McCusker]

That's literally verbatim. I'm like, how do you deal with this? She's like, shut the up, shut up. I actually, I, I was talking to her last night and I again, I have been lifting just because I, you know, I'm obviously goals oriented in terms of like performance and maybe my body's adapting. I don't even pay attention. I don't know. But people have been like, dude, you're getting jacked, man. And like I've been. We went out last night with some of our friends from the neighborhood and some of the husbands were just teasing me, being like, dude, what the man, what are you doing? And I was telling her, we're like, you know, end of the night we just got back from hanging out and I was like, dude, I was like, I. I really wish, like, you know, my friends would stop like pointing out the fact that my shoulders have gotten bigger. It makes me feel really weird. I was like, can you send a message to like all their wives? Like tell them? She's like, you're such a fucking idiot. Shut up.

[Andrew Schulz]

No, I need to put this on Facebook immediately. Just like you put in like the HOA group chat, you know what I mean? Just be like, hey guys, been getting a lot of compliments about my jack physique and my godly body. If it'd be possible to just kind of cut down on that, you know what I mean? Like, I don't comment on your fat fugly body. So maybe it's returning kind of.

[Matt McCusker]

I kept telling her, I'm like, I feel like a girl with huge tits. I'm like, it's not cool. I'm. I'm also not. I do not have that.

[Andrew Schulz]

No, no, no. You're never being the trend allegations.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm telling you. I swear to God. I'm open for the test at any time.

[Andrew Schulz]

You test me for getting usada. We're getting usad out here.

[Matt McCusker]

Please.

[Andrew Schulz]

Imagine if I pulled out. If I just got. If I got Dana to come out and test real quick.

[Matt McCusker]

Right? I would do it right now.

[Andrew Schulz]

Now we got it. We got to check. You're on the creatine.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I'm on the crease.

[Andrew Schulz]

Macrodos.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I've been fucking with the macro.

[Andrew Schulz]

You saw the. You saw the same Instagram post I saw. It was like, dude, 20 grams a day, you're never gonna be tired.

[Matt McCusker]

I know a guy who does 40. But, yeah, it was just from Twitter. My friend was ripping. My friend Egan, he was the one who opened my eyes to the cree. He goes. Because I was doing, like, you know, the regular five. It does do something to your brain.

[Andrew Schulz]

You're doing, dude, five.

[Matt McCusker]

Five's nothing. I started. I started bumping it to, like, 10.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's supposed to be five. This is not medical advice. If you're taking five, stick with five. Talk to all the experts.

[Matt McCusker]

Do say five is totally fine. They say, like, it just builds up over time. Yeah, but there's a study. I don't know how true it is. They say if you take heavier doses, it. Whatever it does in your brain, combats sleep deprivation. Like, the actual physical effect.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's exactly what I saw. So I've been bumping it, like, 15, 20.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, and it's awesome. I. One time I tried to buy creatine on Amazon and wouldn't let me because I didn't have my id, and I had to, like, put in my ID on Amazon.

[Matt McCusker]

What?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, it's like watching porn in Texas. You gotta, like, lock in with the feds.

[Matt McCusker]

You had to put the fucking ID in there.

[Andrew Schulz]

You had to put, like, my license to prove I was over 18. I didn't have it on me, so I was like, whatever. So I kept on clicking different ones, trying to find one to get through. None of them went through. And then a week later, my wife calls me. She goes, what did you order? I was like, I try to get creatine.

[Matt McCusker]

The FBI legit.

[Andrew Schulz]

We got 10 boxes of creatine just stacked up in my lobby. My neighbors think I'm just some psycho just stacking creatine like. Like there's a recession coming.

[Matt McCusker]

I Know someone who tried? No. You know what? I've seen people bring protein powder on the airplane. Just like a white powder in a bag. And it's. Bro, I can't bring another plane because.

[Andrew Schulz]

I get swabbed every time.

[Matt McCusker]

Really?

[Andrew Schulz]

TSA comes over, goes, hey, excuse me, Jack, dude, can you just open your bag real quick? And they go, what do you got in here? I got. It's creatine. They go, mind if we swab it? I got. Test me, right, bro?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, just take it. I'll take some. I'll take five GS right now.

[Andrew Schulz]

I'll take it to the face. I'll snort it.

[Matt McCusker]

Actually didn't get a good night's sleep. You might as. I might have to take 10 grams out of there real quick.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. You seem sleep deprived. You've been here since 4.

[Matt McCusker]

Does it. Your stomach up?

[Andrew Schulz]

I don't know. I've just. No, not really.

[Matt McCusker]

I took like 15 the one morning, and it doesn't. But I notice I'm not hungry all day.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

If I. If I have, like, a ton of it in the morning.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know. I thought. When I was little, I thought it was, like, the most serious in the world. I was like. Like, when people are on creatine. When I was, like, younger, I was like, yo, he's on creatine.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, The. The linebacker on the high school football team.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Taking creatine.

[Matt McCusker]

You're like, oh. Like, yeah. You know that stuff comes out of your skin, right? My people tell me, like, if you don't drink enough water, like, you just break out and crazy. It's like, it's not true at all. Yeah, you can take so much of that shit. I think worst comes to worst, you just get diarrhea.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, whatever, dude. Honestly, the thing that's, like, been so helpful, and I do this on the road. Specifically, I've been reading the work of Dr. Jason Fung.

[Matt McCusker]

Who's that?

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, dude, your Fung daddy. You're gonna love Fung Dad. He's sick as hell. He's.

[Matt McCusker]

What's his thing?

[Andrew Schulz]

So his thing, he's a big fasting guy.

[Matt McCusker]

Nice.

[Andrew Schulz]

And. And he's just like. His whole thing is, like, weight and, like, weight loss is completely connected to insulin spikes.

[Matt McCusker]

That makes sense.

[Andrew Schulz]

Which is controversial. A lot of people are like, no, it's just calories and calories out, obviously. It's just, you know, laws of thermodynamics. But his thing is, like, increased insulin will create insulin sensitivity, and then increased insulin sensitivity will make Your body not be able to process food and nutrients properly. You're just gonna have huge spikes. So his whole thing is just like one meal a day.

[Matt McCusker]

Sick.

[Andrew Schulz]

High protein, high fats.

[Matt McCusker]

Nice.

[Andrew Schulz]

Just like steak, butter, vegetables. How's that? Once a day, like three o'. Clock. And then you'll get. If you can get like 180 grams of protein in there in one meal, you'll rock. You'll be rocking. And I've been doing that over the past like six months. It's been like transformative.

[Matt McCusker]

Really.

[Andrew Schulz]

I feel amazing.

[Matt McCusker]

Did you blow work and all that stuff?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, and everything's great. I got like kind of high, like cholesterol.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't worry about that. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

But then I'm like, I don't know. My whole family's got high cholesterol. That is nice for your brain. Stops Alzheimer's or whatever.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I'm not worried about that. My dad has type 2 diabetes and I was on the doorstep of like pre type 2 diabetes.

[Andrew Schulz]

Did you get a glucose monitor?

[Matt McCusker]

No, I should get one.

[Andrew Schulz]

They got one on Stello.

[Matt McCusker]

Really?

[Andrew Schulz]

Stella is the one I use. It's just like, it's like a non diabetic kind of. Like I'm. I consider myself like the Scooter Braun of like medical quackery.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Like, I just do it all. I find I'm like, dude, Vegas nerve stimulator. I'll buy it. Going to sleep with a contraption on my neck, just shocking me in the middle of the night.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

But I did the glucose monitor. That was awesome. Connects to an app on my phone.

[Matt McCusker]

Really?

[Andrew Schulz]

I wear it for like two weeks and it's just like every time I eat, I can see my glucose go up and down. Every time I work out, I see it go up and down. Like I can just track it throughout the day. And then like, I can see how different foods impact me. So, like, I didn't realize food that I thought my whole life was like nutritious and super delish.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

It was actually terrible.

[Matt McCusker]

It's.

[Andrew Schulz]

My mom made shepherd's pie. All time favorite meal.

[Matt McCusker]

So good, dude.

[Andrew Schulz]

Shepherd's pie is like.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Truly goated.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's awesome.

[Andrew Schulz]

I think it's the greatest meal ever invented. And I would argue, I went home, I crushed it, and my insulin was like, higher than ice cream. What? And I was like, what is this? And she's like, oh, yeah, it's all the corn. Corn, mashed potatoes, a little bit of protein.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

But like his whole theory is just like only natural foods. One Meal a day. High fat, high protein and I'm not hungry for 48 hours.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you don't really need. I, I did a, I did like a four. It was a four or five. No, it was four. We were supposed to do a five day fast but I had to do a show and I broke it the day before. But I did a four day by the way too. I did stand up on a two day fast. I was ripping, bro.

[Andrew Schulz]

That, that's what I. So that's what I do on the road.

[Matt McCusker]

You really don't need that much. So you just don't eat when you travel pretty much.

[Andrew Schulz]

Unless I'm eating like high quality foods. Like today we went to like a healthy food restaurant in the Domain. It was like true food.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And like it was great. I just got like salmon, steak, vegetables and like I feel great. That's the only thing I'll eat until tomorrow. Tomorrow evening. And I might even just push it if I feel good doing a show on a fast. I don't know if that's just like dude, I'm might be biased, but I feel good.

[Matt McCusker]

No, I did, I was worried, I did it at the mothership and I was like worried that I was going to like pass out. Just in my head I'm like, what if I fudgeing? Just completely glitched. Then after the first I was like kind of nervous for five minutes and once I settled down I was like, you just feel so sharp.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So I. My fasting wise, what I like is I did the four day. I was like, that was a bit much today. And then break with bone broth on the third day and then eat on the fourth. Dude. Like trying to get better because I can pig. That's the other thing.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's my ultimate. That's my biggest vice of anything in my life. Truly is just the sugar crash out.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And the only thing that curbed it. My whole life I've been trying to figure out ways to get off sugar. I'm like, oh, I only do this know it's just high fats satiate me and I just don't crave sugar at all.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that's actually. Yeah. I just don't eat them anymore. I just like for the most part. I used to just like kind of especially with kids, you're like, you guys want some cookies? And then you just eat seven.

[Andrew Schulz]

Well dude, a wife is the worst thing. It's like unbelievable because women have self control. I don't know how or why kind of my wife will get like, a cookie and then just. I'll open the fridge and there'll be, like, half a cookie. I'm like, what is this? She's like, I'm working on it. Yeah, we ordered this two days ago. She's like, yeah, you know, I'm just. I'm nibbling.

[Matt McCusker]

That makes sense. I always call up, my fridge is my wife's food museum. She's like, saves all this takeout. And I'm like. I'm like, we have to eat this right now. Yeah, that was the other thing, too. I'd be like, I have to finish all this food. And it's like. Because I'm like, I don't want to throw it out. It's like, yeah, I don't want to waste food, but at the same time, it's like, also shouldn't treat my body like a trash can. Like, if I can't. If I'm going to, like, feel sick from eating all this food, dude, I should probably just let it go.

[Andrew Schulz]

I literally have a note in my phone from the last time I crashed out on sugar. And the note on my phone literally just says, like, hey, you feel bad when you do this?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

You don't like doing this? Like, it's literally like. It's like a suicide note to myself. It's like, hey, you're gonna regret this. You're better than this.

[Matt McCusker]

That's my thing with sugar. It's like, I don't like it. Like, I don't. The feeling I get after. First of all, like, if I'm eating ice cream, first two bites. Awesome. I'm like, this is awesome. I love this.

[Andrew Schulz]

Diminishing returns, though.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. By the time I have finished, like, a cup, I'm like a. I feel terrible. My mouth feels all weird. And then I'm like, like, damn. I really wish I didn't do that.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So now that's what I just, like, same thing. I'm like, we're out. We're out to dinner last night. And she was like, my wife's looking at the dessert menu. It's like, I'm not getting anything. I'm not. I'm not eating. I don't need dessert.

[Andrew Schulz]

You can't do a bite. Because if I do a bite, I'm spiraling.

[Matt McCusker]

No. Yeah. Share it with me. I'm like, I, first of all, know I'm gonna make sure I get more than you if we're doing that.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Second of all, it's like, no, I. I don't. I don't want it I don't want it at all.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're able just do a little bit and just move on. Not me.

[Matt McCusker]

They. Dude, it's almost like I've, like, tried it because I've tried to tell her, like, stop eating sugar altogether. And she's like, I have to, like. She's like, I get my period. Like, I have to eat something fucked up. And it's like, why? She's like, you don't understand. I'm like, whatever. Fair enough.

[Andrew Schulz]

She wouldn't get it. Dude, you're just full of semen.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Schulz]

Jacked, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Literally, they have no idea, the full semen thing. They have no. I have no fucking conception.

[Andrew Schulz]

They think they know, but it's like, dude, you don't even. That's wasn't even half my power.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, what I gave you was just a. That was just a taste.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that was. Well, they also. They have no idea. My. My. My brother was explaining it. He's like. He was telling his wife. He's like, look, you know, you, like. Girls have anxiety all the time about, like, a hundred thousand things. You guys are like, oh, I gotta get a calendar. He's like, I have that with coming. It's just all the time. I'm like, when am I gonna bust?

[Andrew Schulz]

Dude, the panic bus is crazy. Just being just anxious. Just like a squirrel in the woods. Just like, dude, I gotta get this.

[Matt McCusker]

That's. That's. That was my move. Traveling. So I'm like, I can't sleep. And it was just panic bust. Hit the button, pass out, bro.

[Andrew Schulz]

The thing with not sleeping, that helped me so much. One, take a little supplement. Yeah, take a little. Oh, what they call it. Starts with a G. I can't believe I'm forgetting Gaba. No, it's ghb. No trend.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. No.

[Andrew Schulz]

I can't believe I'm. I can't believe I'm forgetting the name. But, yeah, it's just like a supplement that people take. Oh, magnesium.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I take my. I do magnesium and L. Theanine. Yeah. I started with the. The dark arts of. Now I'm blanking. Melatonin.

[Andrew Schulz]

Whoa.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's so. It's super. Like, it's not habit for me. I'm like, yeah, it is.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Because I would take it, and first of all, like, it put. I'm, like, sensitive to. So I would take melatonin, and it puts me, like a weird twilight state for, like, 20 minutes where I'm like, I just feel weird. Especially if I have, like, caffeine. In my system.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Because then it like fights against the melatonin. The caffeine are battling.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I just feel wretched. And then I do get like a wildly fitful night of sleep. But the problem is like, I didn't want to take this every night. So yeah, I had to. I was like, I'm traveling, I should take melatonin to reset my circadian. And it was just like I would get home like, let's take it again. And I would start taking it every night.

[Andrew Schulz]

And it's like I can't have it start sleepwalking.

[Matt McCusker]

And though I would just do I sleep like if I'm like dead, I take it. I don't because I have, I have like, I have tons of dreams. Anytime I've done like sleep tracking with like aura rings and stuff. I'm in REM sleep for like four, three and a half, four hours a night. I don't really get a lot of deep sleep, which is probably bad, right?

[Andrew Schulz]

But you ever heard of the, the zombie killer? This is a guy that took a sleep medication in Canada in the 80s. Crazy story. Psycho, right? So he, according to the story, he plays a rugby game, he's exhausted, he takes a sleep medication. Like a prescription?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Knocks out, wakes up in his truck covered in blood, calls the police. He goes, I don't know what happened. I'm in my truck, I've been gone for the past eight hours. I think I was sleepwalking. Someone sent help, his hands are all cut up. Turns out he like murdered his mother in law and his father in law. Drove to their house, killed him. He goes to the courts in Canada. Typical Canadian courts, you know, Trudeau's Canada, they basically say, yeah, it was just a mistake, he didn't mean to. Gets off and creates precedent for like this sleepy zombie killer that just like murdered people. And his alibi, like, yeah, I was sleepwalking. I have no memory. I took a sleep medication. I don't know what happened.

[Matt McCusker]

I killed my in laws.

[Andrew Schulz]

The perfect, the perfect crime.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm guessing the marriage didn't last.

[Andrew Schulz]

I, I gotta double check the data on this. This is back in the 80s, you know. Damn crazy, right? So it could happen to. Be careful with melatonin.

[Matt McCusker]

I was a sleepwalker back in the day. I used to walk. I tried to jump out the window when I was little.

[Andrew Schulz]

No way.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, screen stopped me. I was just, I had my, I shared a room with my brothers and I had my foot pressing against the screen trying to get out. My brother was Just like, yo bro, you got.

[Andrew Schulz]

You might have been MK Ultra, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

I might have been.

[Andrew Schulz]

CIA was trying to take care of you, dude. Tapped into your sleeper.

[Matt McCusker]

Just trying to kill myself at night. It was, it was like two story. I would have been falling from like. Yeah, I would have, I would have been dead for sure. I would have been severely up. Maybe I would have lived.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, it depends. You were inline skating back then.

[Matt McCusker]

True, I was, I was, I was bored back then. I, I, when I was younger, I was a skateboarder, but I had a, like a secret passion for rollerblading. But it was just like completely taboo.

[Andrew Schulz]

You caught the end wave of it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it would have been like if I bust. I was way better at rollerblading than I was at skateboarding. And I was, I was like okay at skateboarding, but I was like nasty at blading. But if I like busted out the blades while my boys were all boarding, it would have been, yeah, you can't. They would have kicked me. I would have got exiled.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, the worst part is you just got to put your shoes in the skate park. You know what I mean? Like, like you gotta just like leave your, your Aetneys just like on the ramp.

[Matt McCusker]

First of all, they'd be like, we're taking these at knees. You can't wear them anymore.

[Andrew Schulz]

Any privileges denied. You're going home barefooted.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude. I started skateboarding like after years and years of not doing it. There's like a pump track.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I've been ripping that thing on a skateboard.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's the greatest. And you loosen up the trucks real good.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, you have to. Oh no, no, no. Sorry. I had. Mine were way too loose when I bought it and I like, I remember right, like there's like they're building around my house. So like they're always building new houses around it still. So like I got my skateboard home. I didn't realize the trucks are so loose. I hopped on it in front of a bunch of construction workers. Wheelbite completely had to like they flew out, went 40ft away and I just like walk away like I'm such a loser.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, it's my kids.

[Matt McCusker]

It's a kind of fat 40 year old just falling off a skateboard and me like, so it goes.

[Andrew Schulz]

I had an adult fall after picking up skateboard after not skating since I was a kid.

[Matt McCusker]

It's up when you scared, dude.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's insane. Yeah, like I like, because I skated when I was a kid. Yeah, just like normal shit. I would Just like, drop in like bulls. I only did vert skating. I never liked street skating.

[Matt McCusker]

That's pretty sick.

[Andrew Schulz]

I just loved, like, going up ramps and, you know, hitting like.

[Matt McCusker]

You should hit this pump track. It's literally. It's not far. It's. It's 20 minutes from here.

[Andrew Schulz]

I would love this.

[Matt McCusker]

It's. Dude, you hop on it, you literally drop in, and it's just, you know, you have like these little concrete waves that you literally pump your legs. Yeah, you get.

[Andrew Schulz]

They used to have one of Williamsburg. They. They patch it up. They. They drilled over it.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude.

[Andrew Schulz]

Gentrifiers took over our town.

[Matt McCusker]

It's heaven. I. I put in. I'll like, play music I used to listen to when I skateboarded as like a seventh grader. Like, what?

[Andrew Schulz]

Just.

[Matt McCusker]

Just Y2K311, dude. It's like three. It's amazing. It's rap metal the whole time, dude.

[Andrew Schulz]

Just amber just crushing amber.

[Matt McCusker]

Just literally. Dude, it's. I. I do 311 music. The first album. It's so sick. And then I'll. You just kind of like. It's like. It feels. And I've only surfed like once or twice, but it's like. It's similar where you're just kind of like. I mean, it's totally different, but you're kind of just like locked in a groove where you're like. Oh, yeah. You're not pushing off. You're completely being propelled. And you got to like, you know, like, get good at like, coming up on a big quarter pipe, coming down, dropping. And there's a. There's like all these little turns. And there's one way. If you do it, you gain speed. And there's this thing. It's like, probably as tall as, like, that tree, like, where the things diverge right there. And if you're going fast enough, you catch a little bit of air, then come down. Really? I mean, like, I'll see pro skaters do it, and they'll get like fully six feet up in the air. Yeah, I'll get like. I'll get that much. Dude, I'm in heaven. I get like an inch of air and I'm like, holy fuck.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, that's so sick.

[Matt McCusker]

It's awesome.

[Andrew Schulz]

But also a lot of that. You can even air out without even going up. Like, if you just kind of like pull the board up when you're on the wall, like, you kind of. You still catch the wave a little, but it's scary.

[Matt McCusker]

As an adult, you're like, dude, if.

[Andrew Schulz]

I fall So I went back to the skate park. There's one right next to studio we record the pot at. And my buddy Andrew has it. It's called Substance Skate Park. It's sick. And I was just going through cruising around and I would just like listen to music and I was like, all right, I'm gonna go to the big one, drop in. And it's like a ten foot pipe. And I dropped in on it and just like hit the sidewall and I'm like like 190 and I just crash into it. And like people walked around, they were like, are you okay? I was like, yeah, dude. I used to fall when I was a kid and it was fine.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And now that as a grown man, I just had like, my knee was up.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you're. For a while. I, I, my left knee is still up. I've gotten hurt this year more than like the last 10 years combined. I, I went on a zip line pretty much again, like it was about, let's say like the height of the top of a six foot ladder. Like those, those like lights would be the zip line. My kids are there. I'm like, it was like an Airbnb we rented and we've been there before and I've done it before, no problem. So, guys, check this out. The second time we went there, jumped on it, it just completely snapped out. So I like literally jumped from six feet up and just landed ass first, luckily in like soft grass. And there was boulder, like giant boulders sticking out of the ground. I would have been, but my knee was like right here was just from, it was just my right knee. I don't know, it was over here fried for like, could have been a good settlement. Four months. Yeah, I can't, man. My dad drilled that into my head. He was like, you can't sue people, dude.

[Andrew Schulz]

You can't litigate when you're being dumb.

[Matt McCusker]

He's like, yeah. He's like, you also jumped off. Yeah. It's one thing if you get like sideswiped by a truck. It's like, dude, you jumped off a zip line. You're £190. It's not for you.

[Shane Gillis]

What's up guys? We're gonna take a break really quick because I gotta tell you a story. Imagine you're sitting in your house, it's cold outside, it's, it's a little snowy. And you're like, man, I just want a panini. So you go and you order it, you know, from doordash or something like that. And it never gets to you. You're looking at the app. You're like, dude, it's been four hours. Where's my panini? You're calling? No one answers. Well, this is a true story that happened. There was a woman, a client that was working as a doordash driver, and she slipped and fell on an icy walkway outside of a Panera Bread in Fort Wayne, Indiana. She breaks her elbow, which leads to surgery and hardware having to get inserted into her arm. She can't work. And originally, you know, she sues Panera. And Panera's like, okay, we'll give you like 125,000. But then the good people over at Morgan and Morgan fought for her and got her the million dollar verdict that she deserved. Yes. If you never heard of them, Morgan. Morgan is America's largest injury law firm.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

And they are that way for a reason. They've been fighting for the people for over 35 years. Now.

[Andrew Schulz]

I'll be honest.

[Shane Gillis]

If I ordered, you know, a panini and the woman gets paid a million bucks because she slipped, I mean, it's a tragic thing to happen, of course, but I deserve a little bit of that. I, I should get a cut at least, right? I'm the one to order the panini. If I never ordered that panini, she never would have slipped, never got a million bucks, which obviously she deserves. You know what I mean? But maybe next time she gets a million and million point one, I can get a cool a hundred thousand out of that. Regardless. All I'm saying is if you're ever injured and you are looking to get the money that you deserved, the compensation that is entitled to you from your injuries, Morgan and Morgan could be the way to go. Hiring the wrong law firm can be disastrous. I mean, you can be locked up and litigate, It's a nightmare. But hiring the right law firm could substantially increase your settlement. And with Morgan and Morgan, it's easy to get started. Their fee is $0 unless they win. That's right. Their fee is free. Unless they win your case, you don't pay zero. You pay zero cents. Unless they win your case. You can visit forthepeople.com gagnon g a g n o n that is f o r the people.com gagnon or dial pound law. That's pound 529 from your cell phone. That's for the people.com gagnon. Or click the link in the description below. And thank you so much to the good F folks over at Morgan and Morgan for sponsoring this program and making this show possible. With this paid advertisement. Let's get back to the show. What's up, guys? We're gonna take a break really quick because you need to rebrand your crotch. That's right, you need a full rebrand on your dong. And you're gonna do it with Bluechew. Because Bluechew, their tablets aren't just for better sex. No, they are. Like if Tony Robbins give a motivational speech rate to your rates your wiener, you know, I mean, you're gonna feel amazing. Look, I just took one of Bluechew's tablets today, and suddenly, I mean, look at me, I'm glowing this table, absolutely getting crushed underneath it, right? My penis is given a press conference. Okay, Feeling great. Never been better. So whether you're trying to make, you know, a memorable moment with your. Your sweet love or you're just trying to give, you know, a friend of yours or a girl, you know, like a, you know, some crazy group chat fodder, something for the girls to gossip about. Bluechew is absolutely the chewable tablet delivery service that you need to bring the thunder. And the best part is that we got a special deal for the listeners of this lovely program. Get your first month for [e-mail]. just use the promo code Gagnon at checkout. All you gotta do is pay five bucks for shipping. That's like a cup of coffee. All right, five bucks for shipping. You're gonna get free Bluechew straight to your door. So upgrade your legacy. Let your name ring out for eons. And let's get back to the show.

[Matt McCusker]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.

[Andrew Schulz]

With the price of just about everything going up, we thought we'd bring our prices down.

[Matt McCusker]

So to help us, we brought in a reverse auctioneer, which is apparently a.

[Andrew Schulz]

Thing Mint Mobile unlimited premium wireless, Everybody. To get 30, 30, better get 30. Better to get 20, 20, 20. Better get 20, 20.

[Matt McCusker]

Better to get 15, 15, 15, 15.

[Andrew Schulz]

Just 15 bucks a month.

[Matt McCusker]

Sold. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

[Shane Gillis]

Of $45 for three month plan equivalent.

[Mark Gagnon]

To $15 per month required. New customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow. After 35 gigabytes of network's busy taxes and fees extra.

[Andrew Schulz]

Cmintmobile.com that is a tough look. I remember, like, ziplining as an adult again. My parents had one as a kid coming off the treehouse. It was so sick.

[Matt McCusker]

It's awesome.

[Andrew Schulz]

But, like, I would. I was on it and then like, I let go and it just whipped up immediately, like, hit my chin, just knocked my Whole back.

[Shane Gillis]

Rock them, sock them.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, it was tough, but, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. As like a, you know, late 30s falling from six feet, it felt. I thought I was like, I. I was convinced I broke my neck. And, like, I was Christopher Reeves. Like, when I. When I hit the ground, I was like. My little nephew was laughing at me. I'm like, it's not fucking funny. Shit. The fuck? I was so mad.

[Andrew Schulz]

Just rage quitting.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Well, I was just like, dude, stop fucking laughing. I might have to go to the hospital. And I was like, walking around, my kids are looking at me. I, like, was like, I'm just going to go. They've seen me get up so many times.

[Andrew Schulz]

Really?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I broke my nose. Boogie boarding, body surfing. I broke my nose just at the.

[Andrew Schulz]

Beach, at a sandbar. No way.

[Matt McCusker]

Made him line up. I was like, guys, watch this. My wife's like, come on. Like, we're done. I was like, watch this, guys, before we go in. And I. I rode one wave. They weren't paying attention.

[Andrew Schulz]

I was like, guys, final wave.

[Matt McCusker]

Pay attention. I made them. My family stood right at the edge of the surf, and I was like, stand right there. And I just came in flying. I. I went too fast. And I think it was like a young lady's boogie board flew up and it cracked my nose, dude. I was like, broken three places.

[Andrew Schulz]

No fucking.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. We didn't leave the beach. We had to, like, go home.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't get my nose fixed.

[Andrew Schulz]

You're officially done. You got to get a reset and everything.

[Matt McCusker]

Your eyes were all black and completely black eyes, dude. For like a week. It sucks so bad.

[Andrew Schulz]

And that's the worst way to do it, too. It's like, hey, I try to show off in front of my family.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, they were scared.

[Andrew Schulz]

You gotta say, you got in a fight.

[Matt McCusker]

I came out of the well, I came out of the water and my nose was, like, moved over. And my daughters were, like, crying, they were so scared. And I was like. It rang my bell. So I was like, oh, yeah. Kind of, like concussed a little bit, bro.

[Andrew Schulz]

I did that on a wake skate one time. I was wake skating behind my friend's boat in high school, and I fell just, like, on the wake, and then, like, came up out of the water and just wakes. Kick to the face. I didn't break my nose, but it split me real good. And I was just bleeding everywhere. And I still. I didn't even know. I was like, no, I'm fine. And they're like, no, you're ruining the boat. Up. Yeah, there's blood everywhere. Swim back.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, dude. I. I was recording my special, like, two weeks ago, I think, and a lot of the intro, a lot of it's shot in pov.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So they have, like, a guy, like a body double to operate the cameras. It's like a pretty. It's like a serious rig. And one of the shots, I was like, let me do it. And they were saying they're like, rule of thumb, like, we don't let people do it, but they're like, fine, dude. Just like, whatever. I went so hard. It was like. I did a thing where I had, like. I was sitting down, I kicked my leg, like, to be like. Because I was, like, angry in the thing. Dude. The camera just came right at the thing. Came up night two of filming, I had a giant fucking wound in my forehead. And it was like, a big deal. So you gotta, like, match the footage and everything. I was like, fuck. Because I had it. I have this. We're still figuring it out now, but I have for the night, too. I had a. Like, literally, as an active wound, they had to put liquid bandage, and it kind of just like, kept it in place.

[Andrew Schulz]

No way.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I rocked myself in the head with the cam. With the cam.

[Andrew Schulz]

Dude, these POV guys are real warriors, huh?

[Matt McCusker]

They are, dude. That's.

[Andrew Schulz]

How are they doing it with that? You know? How would they even do that? We gotta look at the science, I think.

[Matt McCusker]

Classics. Just camcorder. This was like. It's made to look like you're. It looks like you're, like, seeing out of the person's eye.

[Andrew Schulz]

Gta.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. So it looks a little like you just see arms and legs running around. But I. I wore it for five seconds and hurt myself. And it's the same thing. Like, it got. I have. They sent me the footage where I'll show you after. But it was like, I hit my thing and you hear clonk in the head. And you just hear my wife, like, are you all right? And I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. Well, relax. I'm fine. So you just hear people like, oh, shit, dude. Sit still. There's just four straight lines of. Just a cut bleeding on my head.

[Andrew Schulz]

I was like, like, nothing worse than injuring yourself than having, like, sit in it for a little bit. Yeah, I mean, like, I was being a dumbass. Like, I've done that before. Like, I was like, hit a ramp, like, when I was a kid. And then you fall and everyone's watching, and you're just like, oh, well, this is gonna be a whole thing.

[Matt McCusker]

He's gonna lay there.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, you're gonna tell my mom. She's gonna be mad at me.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, I could have, like, for real ruined my special because it was like, I have this giant and, like, we'll see what happens. But I have this giant.

[Andrew Schulz]

Did you have to address it?

[Matt McCusker]

No, they, they. It was really funny. So they, like, they put liquid bandage over it just to see, like, because we had. We taped one night. So we're taping the second night, and the idea is to, like, get the best footage, but if you got a splice, you want to look exactly the same, right? So I have like one night where it's normal, and the other night where it's just like. You can totally see it. But it's like they. What they do is they put liquid bandage and then they try to, like, cover it with makeup, but then, which was fine. They got it to kind of match. But then as soon as I start doing stand up, the rest of my face turns red. No, there's just a white, pale white.

[Andrew Schulz]

Patch in the middle of my head. Just the reverse Hindu. Just full. Just one dot in the middle of the forehead. You didn't sleep at all that night. You're on 50 grams of creatine. You're juice to the gills. You're just jacked and white dotted.

[Matt McCusker]

But it was. Honestly, it's funny because, like, it was a big deal. It was like, you know, it's the second night of filming and it's like they're trying to get it to match and everyone, like, it was like kind of a freak out. It's like a collective freakout. And I literally had to just be like, guys, there's nothing we can do. Just.

[Andrew Schulz]

We have cgi.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that's it too. I was like, guys, I'm pretty sure if they make Transformers explode, they can cover up a tiny patch on my forehead. But it was just another again, it was like, thank God. That's like. That's the thing too. When you try to sell, like, the meditation stuff on people, like, I don't see the point. I just sit there and I get angry. It's like, yeah, why are you getting that annoyed to sit in a chair silently for 10 minutes? That's a major problem. Yeah, you can't literally just exist in yourself for 10 minutes without having a absolute kind of like borderline psychotic. A light psychotic episode to the point where you're like, I tried that. It's not for me. It's like, yeah, you have problems, dude. Yeah, you can't sit in a chair without bugging out. Like, that's not good. But luckily, I had done all that stuff to where, like, you know, it's like. It's kind of intimidating. You're on a big thing. There's a crew of like 30 people. There's all these cameras, like, oh, fuck.

[Andrew Schulz]

All there for you.

[Matt McCusker]

I've sold this special, all this stuff, and I had to, like. It was just one of those things. I had to be like, they're like, oh, man, if only we didn't. I'm like, dudes, we. We literally talking about what we could have done is totally pointless. Patch me up. I'm gonna. Let's just rip these shows.

[Andrew Schulz]

I just need an eyepatch.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, just fuck.

[Andrew Schulz]

Get me out there, dude. I could let this thing fly. It would honestly help. I'd be dead serious. If you just had a full black eye. The special never addressed it. People might think. They might think you're Illuminati, though. They might think you're black. They're like, dude, Claus Schwab got to him. Dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude. I was like. It was a huge victory for me to be like. I, like, just kept my cool and was just like, guys, let's just do it. Like, there's nothing we could do now. My forehead is.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, we're crossing the Delaware, boys.

[Matt McCusker]

It is what it is.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And it was one of those things that made me laugh because, you know, I get in my head with that. And it was like. Like just the first night, you know, you're all nervous. And I was more relaxed after cracking my head because it was just a reminder, like, yeah, dude, you're a dumbass. Like, don't be that serious. Like, you can't. You're not built to be serious. If you try to be serious, it's just bad for your body because you cracked your head. Just go rip it and do your thing.

[Andrew Schulz]

It kind of takes the pressure off.

[Matt McCusker]

It really. It kind of did in a weird way. It was just like, well, all right. Well, I might have. I might have blown this.

[Andrew Schulz]

I've done that before. I go on stage. Like, I get in my head where I'm like, is this outfit? Like, I'm not a hat guy. I can't wear hats. That's not funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Like, also, no one can wear hats on stage. Only black cops stomachs. You can't wear it. I've tried the baseball hat thing, even just like trying material out. And it's like, I. I was in my head the entire one of My Jerry Seinfeld with a hat. I was like, take this thing the off your head.

[Andrew Schulz]

But like, I've spilled like mustard on my shirt before and it's the best sets ever.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Because I walk out there, I'm like, nothing matters. Who cares, dude?

[Matt McCusker]

My. I think this was the last time I filmed my special. I was taking a. Between shows and I. I don't know if it was doing the special, just. I might have just been like headlining at Heel. I don't know what it was, but I was doing a show and it was like, you know, kind of high at the time, high pressure situation. And I was taking a. And you ever like, you're not like angling your dom correctly and you pee through?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, I've been there.

[Matt McCusker]

I pissed all over my leg and I just had to go. I had pee soaked.

[Andrew Schulz]

Just a full piece.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I had like a. I would say like a 4 inch in diameter patch of piss soaked jeans and I like went out on stage and I was like, I literally pissed all over my jeans before I came up here. And everyone's like, ew. And I was like, oh, I'm just kidding. I literally did. I was like, I pissed my pants kind of. Yeah, effectively. I effectively pissed my pants.

[Andrew Schulz]

But again, it just kind of just shows the absurdity of life.

[Matt McCusker]

And you're like, yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Schulz]

It doesn't matter. Let's have fun.

[Matt McCusker]

Exactly. It's like, what, am I trying to look cool? I just pissed myself. I banged my head. It's like, I'm not cool. This is what it is.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. You had to pull a daddy daycare or whatever. No, what's the. What's the Sandler movie where he. Oh, Mr. Deeds.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know. That's Billy Madison.

[Andrew Schulz]

Billy Madison, everyone.

[Matt McCusker]

Piece of pants.

[Andrew Schulz]

Exactly.

[Matt McCusker]

But yeah, that's. Yeah, you just got to let it rip.

[Andrew Schulz]

Okay, before we dip, I just wanted to ask you, as an author, are there any books that you recommend or any Wikipedia wormholes you've been going down Currently.

[Matt McCusker]

So two prong. So if it's like, I. I've been writing a lot of fiction lately. I. I've been. I wrote a book. I self published. I actually took it off Amazon because now what I've been doing with writing, it's like, like I. I love writing. I do. I literally do it kind of like all day as much as I can and. But it's like I also want to produce. I want to start like producing books. And I've recently. With like the. So my whole point Is like, I've teamed up now. So I like, I had that first book. I did it. It was okay. I, like, reread it because I wrote it so long ago. I reread it. I'm like, ooh. Like, I gotta. Like, I've gotten better. So I don't. Like, I just felt kind of like, not embarrassed, but I'm like, I could make this better. Sure. But then, like, I started working with one of my friends who's, like, for real, fantastic writer. So now what I. What I've been doing with him, his name is Pedro Salinas. He's the man. I took, like, my old book. And I'm like, yo, tear this thing apart. And then we're gonna. Let's reimagine this book. Keep all the characters, the settings. Let's just like, almost like a version 2.0. Well, let's just brainstorm. But he kind of handles a lot of the kind of high level, like, pro stuff. So it's like I can now I can just sit there and just be like, this is what I want it to be about. He can be like, well, that doesn't make sense. This is great. And we just go back and forth and we just. We're writing like two books right now. Like that. That. Which is kind of sick. And then now I just do a sub stack where I just write, like, just like essays and. And put them out for free.

[Andrew Schulz]

Well, dude, I was even going through some of the articles on your website. Oh, yeah. So fun. Like, they're like, did you read Dave Barry growing up? No, he's like, just a humorist. Just like a funny guy. I read him when I was a kid. But, like, that just like, I didn't realize until I read his that like, just words like prose can be so funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Like reading your stuff. It had a similar energy. Or I was like, I'm laughing more at this than I do, like, like a lot of comedy specials. Because, like, there's something about, like, internalizing and reading in my voice.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

The words. Yeah, that is funny to me. Maybe it's just like an innate narcissism. I don't know. But, like, I'm just reading. I'm like dying, laughing, reading an article.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, that's. That's kind of my. That's been my mission for a while. Especially with, like, the podcast and stand up again. You get so in your head and you're like, oh, like, entertainment's one of those things where, like, you know, you know, comedians, everyone, people. If you once it works out for you. Like, like so many people do it and you know, you make no money at all, then it works. And like you stand up's one place that always freaked me out where, like, you'll see people making like doctor salaries who are miserable. So, like I should be making 50, 000 times this. And that's to me is like a track. If you get on that, you're just going to be miserable forever, of course. So I try, you know, again, I'm not perfect at this. I try to be like, let me just genuinely make an effort to like make people laugh at their. Like give them little things they can like just escape the absolute torture and hell of like a regular job. Job. Yeah, like 90 of regular jobs. Some, I guess, could be fun. But it's like, let me just focus on that instead. And it makes it just. It's like you're not like, I'm like, you know, I'm so nice. It just makes me. It takes the anxiety off me. Really.

[Andrew Schulz]

Dude, the hard hard boner test is so fun.

[Matt McCusker]

Someone turned that into a video with like, really subtitle. It's my. Because I forgot I wrote that. And then I saw a thing on Twitter or something and it was like someone took it and turned it into one of those like Hope Core type videos where they. Dude, it's. It's awesome, man. But I've been like, that's. My whole point was I've realized, like, all right, novels, I'll get there one day, but I'm not there yet. Let me like really work on like the things that are truly in my wheelhouse. And then like books that I want to do, I write them with my friend who's actually equipped to produce like a publishable, like, you know, like, professional grade thing because, like novels, it's like I could eek one out, but it's. It's not going to be the level I want. I need help to do that.

[Andrew Schulz]

And so this fiction book, is it. It fantasy?

[Matt McCusker]

No, the fiction book. So the one I'm doing right now is like the original one that's like a 2.0 was like a kind of like a crime novel that I wrote based. It was like a. I came up with it when I was in Philly, like loosely. Just like I didn't make up a lot of it and some of it was like somewhat true stuff or whatever. And then like, so I did that and then I'm reworking that one now to make it just kind of better. And then the other one Is more kind of like a weird fantasy kind of sci fi one. Not sci fi, but it's like more fantasy than kind of grounded in reality.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's sick.

[Matt McCusker]

But, but in terms of the. Answer your question. Sorry for the long tangent, but to answer your question, for fiction, what I've been doing is I, I read. I've been reading Elmore Leonard a lot. He wrote Get Shorty. He wrote like, he wrote like 45 books and a lot of them have been turned into movies. But he writes in like a very clear like. Because I. When I wrote my first book, what I did was I try to like prove I was a good writer by just like over explaining things like the classic thing of like, and the sun was beautiful and dazzling, you know, shit like that, that he kind of does like the opposite where it's like very lean and you know, so I like, I just read books that I like and I like actively dissect them where I'll be like, that was a really cool passage. I take a picture of it and I'll like kind of break it down so that when I am writing I have like a toolkit of like, here's all the things I liked, here's why I like them. How do I. What are better ways to like show, you know, X, Y and Z? So I've been doing that with fiction books, just like reading them, breaking them down, non fiction. Right now I'm in like a bit of a slump. But I, I have been reading about the Desert Fathers and that's like my favorite right now, where it's like the guys who. I guess it was like the 4th century, right when Christianity became the, the official religion of Rome. These guys were like, this is up. Because it really, it was like, they were kind of. I mean, it's kind of like we were talking about in the very beginning they were clashing against a pagan society where they're like, again, it's not. I don't like to talk about this stuff being like, you're evil if you will do this or do that. Like, like not at all. We're all pulled to do that kind of stuff. But they, their philosophy of the world was like the only thing that only, you know, treasures and pleasures that can be had are in this temporal worldly existence. You know, that was like Rome, like glory to your family, riches subjugated everyone.

[Andrew Schulz]

Balian orgies.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, exactly. Literally, like, yeah, we're gonna pack this thing full of like ladies, we're gonna have some freaks. We're gonna laugh at them. Might the freaks too. It was just like. It was just. You would try to gain worldly status and just make yourself as comfortable and kind of like, titillated as possible. And these early Christian guys were like, it's not it. And they ran to the desert just to be like, hermits in the desert and just figure out, like, just a better way, basically. I've been reading. It's like, the book is full of. It's called the Wisdom of the Desert. And it's full of just their little, like, sayings and aphorisms.

[Andrew Schulz]

This is Merton.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, Thomas Merton. He's the man. He was all. He was a monk as well. But that's. As I get older, I just like reading about monks. I'm like, it's such a crazy thing to be like, literally everything in the world. You're supposed to just swear it off.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, just. Just pure ascetic lifestyle.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's up. And I'll never do that, but it's cool. I like to read about it and.

[Andrew Schulz]

You ever read about the agory of India? These are like the dudes that they're. They're typically like Shivite, like mystics. And so they like, have a devotional path to. Or no, maybe they're Vishnuvite. Yeah, I think they're Vishnuvite. Which one's the destroyer?

[Matt McCusker]

Shiva.

[Andrew Schulz]

Shiva. Shiva. Shiva. No, they're Shivite ascetics that. That basically see death as like, pure escape. And so they're like. They like, just live out in the wilderness and like, they cremate their dead and like, bathe in the ashes. Like, you might have seen pictures of these guys. They're just like, coated in the ashes of the dead. And they see it as like. They're like, sort of like temporal gaining of like, enlightenment and moksha that they're able to like, connect with the ultimate destruction, which then leads to enlightenment. And like, all death is rebirth. The flowers die, then they grow new flowers. And like, they're just pure aesthetics that just live out there and just. Just bathe out in the. Yeah, cremation.

[Matt McCusker]

I just. I. I don't know what it is. I love hearing those guys thoughts. They're like. Because the. The book. The desert book is. It's kind of similar where they're just kind of like chilling in little huts. And the whole thing was like, you know, if you're fast and cool, but if you get like, attached to the fact that, like, how sick it is that you're fasting, they're like, you're doing it wrong.

[Andrew Schulz]

Right.

[Matt McCusker]

You missed might as well. Just eat a meal with your boys at that point. Like, so it's like, I don't know, there's something to be said. The reason I like to read it is like, it's not a stretch to be like, the way things are going now, it's not very great to be like, you know, addicted to social media. Addicted to like, only fans. Porn. It does, it does kind of strip away. You know, if you're a young guy, it's like, I want to have a family at one point. But you're just like in debt because of like, you know, online gambling. Only fans. You're like, there's. You got to break out. There's some. There's need to be some like, breakaway thing or just like, you know, just a reordering of, you know, how do you orient your life and like, what is a. You know, how do you exist in a way that doesn't make you like, furious and feel horrible all the time?

[Andrew Schulz]

Of course. And all like the cheap hits of dopamine are just gonna. Exactly. Basically just lock you into sadness long term. And that like, kind of detachment from worldly pleasures is kind of a better long term bet.

[Matt McCusker]

It's like we're. We're pretty locked into that. Like, it's. I. With kids too. It's like I catch myself all the time. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna put on TV so you guys can watch tv, so stare at my phone. And it's like, yeah, probably not the best. I mean, I wouldn't. I'm not like a purist on it. Obviously. You need your little breaks to chill, of course.

[Andrew Schulz]

But parenting has shown me like, it, it does reveal the double standard that I hold for myself, you know, where like, I'm like, you can't look at the iPad, but I can go on my phone all day just doom scrolling. Just like a war and horse.

[Matt McCusker]

Do it in front of you too.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah. You can't though. You. And you can't eat sugary food. But I can order cookies at 3am and just crush.

[Matt McCusker]

They'll try. I'll be on my phone like, what's that? I'm like, oh, you just, just. You guys don't even look at this. Yeah, this will you up.

[Andrew Schulz]

I just hold my kids to such a different standard than me.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

You know, I mean, it's like not fair. And so it calls me to be like, oh, maybe if I'm gonna make him not eat sugar, maybe I should be a little more disciplined with my diet. And if I'm gonna, like, encourage him to go be active and play outside. Maybe I should be outside.

[Matt McCusker]

You know, that's my thing. Yeah, that. That's. That's pretty much it. It's like, yeah, what the. That, like, if I had to boil it down, it's like, again, I'm with my kids, tired. I'm, like, annoyed because I've been, like, you know, herding them around all day. Like, hurry the up. Stop doing. And it's like, if I can catch myself in those moments, being like, I just want to look at my phone. I just want to break. I have to do all this stuff at work. If I can, like, learn to shut that down and be like, nah, man. I'm chilling with these guys. Like, it's. It's literally up to me to come up with something fun to do.

[Andrew Schulz]

Be present.

[Matt McCusker]

It's cool. Be present. And, like, you know, just like, you know, so I've been really. And just reading about the Desert Fathers does help me. Where I'm like, yeah, these guys were in a fucking hut that they built in the desert with literally nothing. Yeah, it's like, I can figure this out. I don't have to be such a. That I'm like. Like, I haven't had any time to check my Twitter. It's important for my job. I have to look at it. It's all right, dude.

[Andrew Schulz]

Christopher Ryan wrote a great book called Civilized to Death. And basically, he just sort of explores, like, our modern compulsion towards, like, just being happy in the present and just not ever really being actually present, but just constantly seeking, like, other hits of happiness.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I. Dude, I literally just wrote a substack about this, really. Just about harvesting joy. It's like, you have to. It's all about, like. Like. And again, I. I say this. I always include myself in this, but it's like you grow up with the idea, like, if you can arrange your external circumstances in a certain way, there's going to be, like. You know, in those movies, like, we got the missing piece, and it, like, unlocks everything, starts glowing blue, and you're like, we've opened the gate, the portal. It's like it doesn't exist. Like, there's. In my opinion, it's like, you can make your life better, and you should, but it's also, like, what people don't focus on is, like, how do you train the instrument which actually experiences happiness, which is yourself?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Like, there's no external circumstance that is truly going to unlock that. That. But you can train your mind to have Like a steady, slow drip of, like, just kind of contentment that wasn't there before.

[Andrew Schulz]

Furthermore, is suffering inherently bad? You know what I mean? Like, we have such an aversion to suffering and, like, obviously gross suffering, like, at scale is, like, atrocious and obviously is terrible. But, like, minor forms of acute suffering in your daily life. Is it actually always bad?

[Matt McCusker]

No way. I think it's good, man, because, like, before I had kids, I had all the free time in the world, and I'd be like, I'm bored. What am I doing with my life? And now I have no fucking free time. So when I get it, I'm like, oh, yeah. If I get an hour that I can just, like, do whatever I want. Yeah, it's fucking amazing. Yeah, so I'll. It's like, yeah, you have to kind of, you know, eat some shit and just in life in general, because if you never had anything bad happen to you, I can't even. I can't imagine that.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

What is the fucking freak.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, truly. I mean, this is like the nice thing with kids is also gives purpose to the suffering. Like, all suffering is sort of purposeful, which is very much like a Viktor Frankl idea. It's like, yeah, dude. Like, you're suffering for a reason, and as long as you're suffering for a reason, it's. It's endurable, you know? I mean, like, you can get through it. Like, you can sort of rationalize.

[Matt McCusker]

That's. Dude, again, that's what the desert fathers are all about. A lot of their sayings are like, dude, if your life's easy, you're. You need a hard life. If your life's not hard, like, you're. You need a hard life. And, you know, and again, not to, like, fetishize your own suffering, but just to be like, just what it is. Dude. Dude.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, no shit's hard.

[Matt McCusker]

It genuinely doesn't feel good a lot of the time.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

But, you know, if you can use your kind of, like, creative powers to like, somehow turn it into a thing that feels kind of, like, good and beautiful. It's like, huge. Huge. W. Yeah, of course.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's the way I look at, like, life already has so much acute suffering. You can just try to rationalize that you don't necessarily need to, like, self flagellate.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

You know what I mean? Like, you'll see some of the radical boys getting after it. The Catholics do this all the time. They'll just whip themselves in the back.

[Matt McCusker]

And you're like, yeah, all right. Right. It's not necessary. I don't think you have to do that. And it's also, you know, this is like, the people say this and it's. It's like true, but it's also like, whatever. It's like your levels of suffering, if you like mash them up against people all over the world, it's like, it's laughable. But it's still this. You're still suffering. You're still like, well, dude, I. Look, I haven't starved to death my whole life, so obviously I can't. I would, you know, I can't appreciate this meal as much. But it's like.

[Andrew Schulz]

But suffering is a gas, as they say. It consumes the space that it exists in. So, like, you know, not to like, equate. I think it like, you know, you can get into like a point where you're like, dude, my suffering isn't even worse worth anything because there's people that really suffer. It's like, well, to you, like your mom dying.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Which up is.

[Andrew Schulz]

Is objectively terrible regardless. You know what I mean? Like, the death of your dog is terrible. Perhaps someone has worse suffering, but to you, in this exact moment, it's a bummer. And like, you're able to kind of like sit in and like, and cope without having to ideally just jump to like, cheap pleasure.

[Matt McCusker]

That's the, that's the, what you call it? Schopenhauer, it was like a pessimistic German whatever philosopher. And his big thing was like, yeah, the way the world's set up, it's like, you're gonna be miserable no matter what. Even if you somehow arrange things in a way to where they're like, favorable, you know, compared to everyone else, say, like, you become super wealthy or whatever. It's like, then you're just bored. He's like, best case scenario, he's like, no matter what. It's like if you free yourself from like the abject suffering that just comes with, let's say, you know, seven eighths of the world that, you know, if you're. If you're like one. You know, if you're like the 1 8th that like, is somehow lucky to have decent circumstances, the hawk of boredom just going to circle over you and just peck at your head for the rest of your life, you'll just be bored and distracted.

[Andrew Schulz]

Whoa, that's kind of heavy.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he was. He was no. 1. Everyone thought he was kind of a bummer.

[Andrew Schulz]

But he's also like, not a free will guy either. I'm pretty sure he's like, yeah, dude, free will's not even real.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know. I don't know what the guy. His whole thing was like. He. He called it the will, which is like, just the animating force of the universe, and that was the thing driving humans forward. Yeah, I guess he was just like, you're. I think you would have said, like, you have free will, but only to, like, only to the point where to realize that, like, shit's up, as good as you can do. He's like, literally his. His, like, prescription was like, find some books, man. He's like, find something cool to read.

[Andrew Schulz]

And otherwise find a cozy nook.

[Matt McCusker]

Find some cool to read and just.

[Andrew Schulz]

Go to Scholastic book fair and just go to town, you know?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. He's like, save. Yeah, save up. Do your summer reading. Get the pizza book. Get the pizza club and.

[Andrew Schulz]

And let it rip, dude. Matt McCusker, this has been wonderful.

[Matt McCusker]

Thank you, man. Appreciate it.

[Andrew Schulz]

I really appreciate the time. It's been a pleasure getting to know you better.

[Matt McCusker]

Thank you, man.

[Andrew Schulz]

And yeah, this is awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

We got to shred the pump track.

[Andrew Schulz]

I actually would be completely down.

[Matt McCusker]

All right, maybe today or tomorrow I'll hit you. Let's figure something out for sure.

[Andrew Schulz]

Hell, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

All right.

[Andrew Schulz]

Thank you, brother.

[Shane Gillis]

What's up, people? Quick announcement. If you are a fan of Camp.

[Andrew Schulz]

Gagnon or religion Camp, I have great.

[Shane Gillis]

News because we are dropping History Camp.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's right. This is the channel. We're going to be exploring the most.

[Shane Gillis]

Interesting, fascinating, controversial topics from all time throughout all history.

[Andrew Schulz]

Right. You probably know about Benjamin Franklin.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know, Thomas Jefferson, Nikola Tesla.

[Andrew Schulz]

Interesting figures from history and you probably learned about in school, and they were pretty boring.

[Shane Gillis]

But not here.

[Andrew Schulz]

No. As you know, I was raised by a conspiracy theorist.

[Shane Gillis]

So I'm going to be diving deep into all of the interesting, strange, occult.

[Andrew Schulz]

And secretive societal relationships that all of these famous, influential men from our shared past have. So if you're interested, please go ahead and subscribe to the YouTube channel. It will be pinned in the description as well as the comments. And if you're on Spotify, this doesn't really apply apply to you, but these episodes will be dropping as well. Just go ahead and give us a high rating because it really helps the show.