US Presidents Who Were Gay? Comedians React

Summary

Podcast Summary: Camp Gagnon – "US Presidents Who Were Gay? Comedians React"

Introduction

In this episode of Camp Gagnon, host Mark Gagnon delves into the controversial and intriguing topic of U.S. Presidents who were allegedly gay. Joined by comedians Luke Tuma and Christos, the conversation blends historical speculation with humor, exploring various presidents' personal lives and relationships to assess the validity of these claims.

Discussion on Specific Presidents

1. Abraham Lincoln

   • Bed-Sharing Rumors: Mark introduces speculation about Lincoln's sexuality, citing his close relationship with Billy Green.
     • Mark Gagnon (00:00): "Talking about all the presidents that were allegedly gay."
     • Mark Gagnon (01:35): "Billy Green, who shared Lincoln's bed back in the 1830s..."
   • Comedians' Take: Luke humorously dismisses the notion, emphasizing societal norms of the time.
     • Luke Tuma (12:30): "He's the least gay president of all time."

2. James Buchanan

   • Eternal Bachelor: Mark points out Buchanan as the only president never married.
     • Mark Gagnon (02:07): "James Buchanan? He's the only US President to never marry."
   • Close Companion: The relationship between Buchanan and William Rufus King sparks further speculation.
     • Mark Gagnon (06:56): "Buchanan shared a home with William Rufus King for over 10 years..."

3. John F. Kennedy

   • Close Friendships: JFK's inseparable bond with Kirk Billings raises questions about his sexual orientation.
     • Mark Gagnon (63:58): "Kirk Billings... people have speculated about a deeper connection."
   • Comedians' Perspective: Luke and Christos debate the nature of their relationship, ultimately leaning towards dismissing the rumors.
     • Luke Tuma (69:25): "JFK is straight. No, JFK is..."

4. George Washington

   • Lack of Heirs: The absence of biological children with Martha Washington leads to playful conjecture.
     • Mark Gagnon (44:34): "Washington and Martha didn't have kids together..."
   • Comedic Insights: The trio humorously attributes Washington's close relationships to non-romantic bonds of the era.
     • Luke Tuma (46:02): "You couldn’t get dogged out and like how you want."

5. Franklin Pierce

   • Tragic Personal Life: The death of Pierce's son and his subsequent friendship with Nathaniel Hawthorne are explored.
     • Mark Gagnon (57:48): "Pierce wrote to Hawthorne expressing deep gratitude..."
   • Comedians' Humor: Luke imagines a fictionalized romantic encounter between Pierce and Hawthorne.
     • Luke Tuma (58:40): "He tore my open last night."

6. Barack Obama

   • Alleged Fantasies: Mark references a historian's claim about Obama’s romantic thoughts.
     • Mark Gagnon (21:18): "David Garrow... Obama repeatedly fantasized about making love to men."
   • Comedians' Reaction: Luke accepts the claim unequivocally, while Christos challenges its legitimacy.
     • Luke Tuma (25:02): "Change plays as for homos."

7. George W. Bush

   • Dismissive Attitude: The conversation briefly touches on George W. Bush, with Luke firmly rejecting any notions of his homosexuality.
     • Luke Tuma (12:30): "He's the least gay president of all time."

8. Bill Clinton

   • Bodyguard Scandals: The episode discusses rumors surrounding Clinton's relationships with his bodyguards.
     • Mark Gagnon (26:17): "Reggie Love claims he was intimate with Clinton..."
   • Comedic Speculation: The comedians engage in exaggerated scenarios about Clinton's alleged behaviors.
     • Christos (30:31): "He's a powerful guy. You want to release."

Comedians' Insights and Perspectives

Throughout the episode, Luke Tuma and Christos provide a comedic lens to the historical analysis, often using humor to either support or debunk the claims of presidential homosexuality. Their banter includes playful sarcasm, exaggerated scenarios, and personal anecdotes that highlight societal perceptions of masculinity and sexuality.

• Skepticism vs. Acceptance: While Mark presents various claims and speculations, Luke often accepts them with humorous confidence, whereas Christos tends to challenge the validity, prompting debates that balance the conversation.

• Historical Context: The comedians frequently reference the norms and societal expectations of past eras, suggesting that close male friendships or certain behaviors could be misinterpreted through a modern lens.

Notable Quotes

• Mark Gagnon (02:07): "James Buchanan? He's the only US President to never marry."
• Luke Tuma (25:02): "Change plays as for homos."
• Christos (30:31): "He's a powerful guy. You want to release."

Conclusion

The episode of Camp Gagnon titled "US Presidents Who Were Gay? Comedians React" offers a blend of historical speculation and comedic interpretation regarding the sexual orientations of various U.S. Presidents. Through Mark Gagnon's facilitation and the humorous exchanges between Luke Tuma and Christos, the podcast navigates the murky waters of political history and personal lives, ultimately highlighting how perceptions of masculinity and friendship have evolved over time.

Final Thoughts

Listeners are encouraged to approach such speculations with an understanding of historical context and societal norms, recognizing that interpretations can vary widely. The blend of humor and history in this episode serves to engage audiences while prompting them to reflect on the complexities of analyzing personal lives within the political sphere.

Transcript

[Mark Agnon]

Talking about all the presidents that were allegedly gay.

[Luke Tuma]

I think Obama's been fully proven gay though, for sure.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, he wrote about his androgynous mind in a letter to his girlfriend. I make love to men daily, but in the imagination.

[Luke Tuma]

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[Mark Agnon]

Honest Abe?

[Luke Tuma]

No.

[Mark Agnon]

There's this guy, Billy Green, who shared Lincoln's bed back in the 1830s, back.

[Luke Tuma]

In the day you like? And I shared a room with my best friend.

[Mark Agnon]

That makes you gay?

[Luke Tuma]

George W. No. I could see this guy being gay.

[Mark Agnon]

Why?

[Luke Tuma]

Look how like, sad he is. Let's say your kid dies, right? You're in dire straits, your wife's a. What do you do?

[Mark Agnon]

You gotta suck his D.

[Christos]

You can go so crazy that you just lose your mind and become gay.

[Mark Agnon]

You guys know James Buchanan? He's the only US President to never marry.

[Christos]

Never married, no kids.

[Luke Tuma]

That's double extra gay. I mean, also, what's triple extra gay?

[Mark Agnon]

John F. Kennedy.

[Luke Tuma]

No. No way is that a joke. Lbj dude, he loved to show his to everyone.

[Mark Agnon]

Alexander Hamilton, Franklin Pierce, Bill Clinton.

[Luke Tuma]

I did ChatGPT and I said just name me 12 gay podcast and it was just your name 12 times.

[Mark Agnon]

That's not true. What's up everybody? Welcome back to camp. Yes, this is Tent Talks. This is where I explain the most interesting, controversial and fascinating stories from around the world and the Internet to my dumbest friends and. Oh, boy.

[Luke Tuma]

What the hell?

[Mark Agnon]

Whoa. What? What? What? You knew that. You knew that was a show. That's what we say every time.

[Luke Tuma]

Dumbest friends.

[Christos]

I thought you bring on smart people. Like CIA guys.

[Mark Agnon]

Exactly.

[Christos]

Historians.

[Mark Agnon]

Different segment. That's a different. No, no, no, no.

[Luke Tuma]

What's the section called where it's smart people?

[Mark Agnon]

No, that's smart camp. That's smart camp.

[Luke Tuma]

So we're at Dumbass camp.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. This is dumbass Camp.

[Christos]

No.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, yeah, I know.

[Luke Tuma]

I did actually a lot of my own research. I did a lot of my own research for this episode, but we'll get into it later.

[Mark Agnon]

Pushing this bit for the last hour and a half.

[Luke Tuma]

It did a lot.

[Mark Agnon]

It's a good but Bomb now. A bomb. Then let the record show them they.

[Luke Tuma]

Have to be queued in on some context.

[Christos]

Killing the entire time.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, the bit's been crushing, dude. Christos, I have to start the show. Like, I'm laughing too hard. Stop doing English.

[Mark Agnon]

He's Greek. He doesn't understand.

[Christos]

The producer was catching his breath and.

[Mark Agnon]

Wiping tears from his eyes.

[Luke Tuma]

Wiping tears from his eyes. And he doesn't speak a word of English.

[Mark Agnon]

Is that true, Christos?

[Christos]

I don't know.

[Mark Agnon]

You son of. You're going back on the boat, dude. We're send you a bit.

[Luke Tuma]

Transcended language. That's what people are saying, dude.

[Mark Agnon]

Telepathically.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Have you been watching the telepathy tapes that autistic kids have Telepathy?

[Luke Tuma]

Autistic children have telepathy?

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

What are they talking to each other? And they're like twins. Just the word. Trains.

[Christos]

The twins.

[Luke Tuma]

Twins.

[Christos]

Going south.

[Luke Tuma]

Chew.

[Mark Agnon]

Chew. Whoa.

[Luke Tuma]

It's like, whoa, box.

[Mark Agnon]

But that's not the topic for today, okay? Despite that being fascinating.

[Luke Tuma]

Roblox, the dark history of Roblox. Dark history of Roblox. Dude, have you been getting Live Leak recreations in Roblox?

[Mark Agnon]

No.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

What is it?

[Luke Tuma]

It's literally. It'll just. You know what Live Leak was? It'd be like ISIS beheading videos. They figured out a way around it, like, posted on Instagram. And it'll just be like, here's a gang shooting. Like, that was filmed, recreated in Roblox.

[Mark Agnon]

Can we pull this up, Christos?

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, we're going to Roblox Live Leak. Please.

[Christos]

Christos.

[Luke Tuma]

Dude, we got to have a guy to look up stuff.

[Christos]

Yeah, we need a guy.

[Luke Tuma]

Show me Live Leak Roblox, please.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Oh, this should be illegal.

[Luke Tuma]

Should be illegal. Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

All right.

[Luke Tuma]

So watching this, however, imagine Blind leak.

[Mark Agnon]

As like YouTube except with no rules. Hell yeah. All right, pause this. This is.

[Christos]

This is.

[Mark Agnon]

We got a new topic.

[Luke Tuma]

I can't believe you didn't know about Roblox Live.

[Mark Agnon]

The dark history of Roblox.

[Luke Tuma]

The dark history of Roblox could be a real video asset.

[Christos]

Yeah, that would be great.

[Mark Agnon]

That's sick as hell.

[Luke Tuma]

It's so dope, dude. I mean, horrible. I mean, it's like the worst thing I've ever seen. Like, you valday, Roblox. Yeah, 100%.

[Mark Agnon]

All of them.

[Luke Tuma]

It'll be like, yeah, the last horrible, horrible shooting that occurred. It's like, oh, I can go watching Roblox.

[Christos]

You have like Roblox Manioni.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Is that better? I feel like in a way, like kids shouldn't be exposed to these terrible things, you know, but maybe they're still aware of what's going on.

[Christos]

I think this is good. I think they should have Roblox porn.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Christos]

All ages.

[Mark Agnon]

All ages. I'm sure they do. Can you look that up real quick?

[Luke Tuma]

I mean, you roblox rule 34.

[Mark Agnon]

When I was.

[Christos]

When I was 14, 15, I was jerking it to live real people.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, exactly.

[Christos]

And that's not good for a kid's brain.

[Luke Tuma]

Real quick.

[Mark Agnon]

I mean, this is going to be. Oh, let's go.

[Luke Tuma]

She's beautiful.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, click on that one. His average, bro.

[Christos]

My best friend in Roblox.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, SF girl. Why is it. What is sf?

[Christos]

I don't think this is Roblox.

[Mark Agnon]

Ooh, this is gross.

[Luke Tuma]

Okay, well, it says rides average car.

[Christos]

Dude, how much is Mark hate these naked chicks?

[Mark Agnon]

This?

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, he's more of a guy. Does she have like tentacles? Look at her vagina. It's like tentacles.

[Christos]

This has got to be the first time Christos has had to pull up.

[Mark Agnon]

It's not. Little Pete had a searching some crazy stuff.

[Luke Tuma]

Little Pete shout out to Little Pete.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, Little Pete was making. We were pulling up some. Some arm.

[Christos]

I love you like.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Christos]

We had a Catholic historian in here, guys.

[Luke Tuma]

Did you show him Roblox? You got to show if he ever comes on again. Go I this. I don't know if this is in the Bible.

[Mark Agnon]

After the end of a three hour combo, you explain a lot of stuff.

[Luke Tuma]

Two hours 45 minutes in and you go, okay. You explained a lot of things that were fascinating. I had no clue about any of them. I'm going to show you something that I know you haven't seen before. And it goes a little something like this. Show me Roblox live. Leak.

[Mark Agnon]

No. Today we're not talking about Roblox. We're talking about all the presents that were allegedly gay. Great topic.

[Luke Tuma]

Good topic.

[Mark Agnon]

We're also. Okay, all right. Some people are already tuning off. Some people are pissed about this. I already know why. Because I was doing some research on it, and I clicked on a video. Someone had already done a video about all the presidents that were gay. And I was like, oh, sick. And I was watching. I was like, dude, this guy did a bunch of great research. And then I read the comments, and they were not happy.

[Luke Tuma]

Really?

[Mark Agnon]

All the. All the comments were like, this is lib propaganda making all the president gay.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

So I think in the interest of being nonpartisan. Okay. And appealing to Nazis.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

I think. I think we need to do debunking.

[Luke Tuma]

Adolf Hitler might have been gay.

[Mark Agnon]

Allegedly.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Which it seems we should do.

[Christos]

Top 10 rabbis that were gay. I think that'd be a good way to win the audience.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Yeah, we can.

[Christos]

What do you guys think? Top 10 rabbis that were gay. Top 10 landlords that were gay.

[Mark Agnon]

Yes, exactly.

[Christos]

Kind of throwing it out there. Some ideas.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, yeah. We can just include.

[Luke Tuma]

That's a good idea.

[Mark Agnon]

We'll start with the presidents. But not only are we going to be going through some of the rumors of why people think that they may have been gay or even just confirmed bachelors, but also just, you know, it's having a scrupulous eye and saying, is.

[Luke Tuma]

This just lib propaganda or were they really gay?

[Mark Agnon]

Or were they really just smoking pipe? What's up, camp family? What's up, campers? Two big announcements. Don't skip this. Two massive announcements. The merch store is back open. That's right. Camp goods is back in stock. We got these hats that I'm wearing right now. I've been rocking them both on here on flagrant. I've been wearing them on stage. We got a bunch more hats like the ones behind me. You can see them all here on the website. We also got some shirts. Oh, man. What is this one right here? Come on, now. Come on, now. Camp Gear for all terrain. We got some other ones. What is this one right here? Oh, this one's beautiful. This one might be one of my favorites. The colors. The colors are absolutely crazy. This is Camp Gagnon vintage wisdom across the globe. Come on now. We got all that and more on the store. We also got these sick mugs right here. You might have seen me maybe sipping from one of these and some of the recent episodes. These are sick. They are all available on the website campgoods Co. Check it out. Link is in the description. And by supporting the merchandise, you are obviously supporting the show. You're supporting me, and you're obviously, you know, supporting all the amazing people that make the show happen, like Christos, who is currently throwing me T shirts from underneath this desk here. So please check that out. Additionally, I'm on the road. That's right. I'm doing my one hour of standup comedy. Some of some of the greatest jokes ever written. Okay, that's not true, but they are my jokes and I wrote them. And I'll be in Rochester, New York March 26, and I'll be in Portland, Maine on April 27. And that one I'm I'm doing with Joey Avery. You know Joey Avery? A friend of the show. He sat across from me many times and I'm explaining some things to him. And he might be my dumb friend, but he is a brilliant stand up comedian. And we will be there in Portland, Maine. If you are in these areas, please come out. And we're adding a ton of dates all through the summer, so check out my website, themarkagnon.com for all tour dates and updated info. Come hang out with me. I talk to every single person after the show. If you want to kick it with me, maybe have a drink, I'll be there and I will see you guys on the road. Let's get back to the show.

[Luke Tuma]

I took a feminist literature class. Sorry.

[Mark Agnon]

Whoa.

[Luke Tuma]

I had to. To get a degree.

[Mark Agnon]

A degree in what?

[Luke Tuma]

In fucking money. I had to. For my English degree. I had to take like a women's lit class.

[Christos]

Can we get cuck in the chat?

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Oh yeah, we need a cuck in the chat. We also See me.

[Luke Tuma]

You should have seen me, bro. You should have seen me in. I was like, yo, this is like, not actually not chill.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, really? You were speaking out.

[Luke Tuma]

I was speaking out. I kind of regret it. I might have been a little bit too. I should have just silently been like, bullshit. Like it just got on with my life. But I had to be like, I'm going to start a big debate.

[Mark Agnon]

No. Did you actually.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, because there was these letters between women and then the whole was like a chapter in the class was like these letters between women who were friends in like the 1700s and they like wrote poems for each other and the whole thing was like, were they gay? I was like. Part of me was like, we're in college. We're in a college classroom right now. We're like, where they cooking So I took that energy into the debates and.

[Mark Agnon]

Let me tell you, you crushed.

[Luke Tuma]

I was lambasted.

[Christos]

We did this bit on the podcast. He's like, I took a women's literature class. I was like, yeah, just this Sky Mail magazine.

[Mark Agnon]

It is what it is.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, right.

[Mark Agnon]

It's like, oh, useless.

[Luke Tuma]

It's called a cookbook. Yeah, yeah, that's what I said. And everyone high five me. And I did a slam dunk.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, that's sounds sick as hell.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, sorry, go ahead.

[Mark Agnon]

We got a couple of good ones. All right.

[Luke Tuma]

Okay.

[Mark Agnon]

So I guess we could start most recently. Barrio.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, yes, for sure.

[Mark Agnon]

Wait, how recent were we? What'd you think?

[Luke Tuma]

I swear, if you were going to go a little too recent, I was going to be pissed.

[Christos]

Hey, man, watch it.

[Mark Agnon]

What you think T dogs?

[Luke Tuma]

You think there's no way T dog. No way. T dog's gay.

[Mark Agnon]

No.

[Luke Tuma]

He's like the least gay. He might be the least gay president of all time. Say what you will about him, economically, politically, you can disagree, but you can't go, the man's gay.

[Christos]

He's the least gay president.

[Luke Tuma]

He's the least gay president.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, yeah. No, he does. I will say all the people around him, like when we talked him on flagrant, all of his whole staff, everyone was so beautiful. All the women were tens.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

All the guys, elevens. They were hot.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, really? The guys were happy. Look at this beautiful man.

[Mark Agnon]

Look at him.

[Christos]

He's a beautiful man.

[Luke Tuma]

Look at him.

[Mark Agnon]

He just loves beautiful people around him.

[Luke Tuma]

I want to ask, he calls a guy beautiful. He call. He says beautiful a lot.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Have you noticed that?

[Mark Agnon]

Beautiful.

[Luke Tuma]

He goes, look at my beautiful man.

[Christos]

During, during the pandemic, he and Cuomo had a huge beef and then they made up for the sake of the country. And the way he like started showing respect for him in his press conferences. Go. And he's a. He's a handsome man. People, people say how handsome he. I can't believe how handsome he is. Women love him. Men love him. Is good, good looking guy.

[Mark Agnon]

Well, you know.

[Christos]

Yeah, yeah. It's kind of an Aziz level accusation. As much I hate the man. I'm a fucking card carrying Cuomo hater. Worst paisan of all time.

[Mark Agnon]

No.

[Christos]

Yeah, dude, I'm the Italian.

[Mark Agnon]

Why do we hit him like he's just got. He's got fat nips. That's basically all I know. And like, there's a bridge named after his dad.

[Luke Tuma]

Who's got fat nips?

[Mark Agnon]

Cuomo.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, Cuomo. Yeah, he's got fat.

[Christos]

I Would argue the nips are the only thing I like about him. Yeah, nips are my favorite part.

[Luke Tuma]

He's got some serious little peepers.

[Christos]

Sausage.

[Mark Agnon]

Sausage.

[Luke Tuma]

So not Donnie T. But some people.

[Mark Agnon]

Have suggested that Barack Obama.

[Luke Tuma]

Well, he killed his chef.

[Mark Agnon]

Allegedly.

[Luke Tuma]

He killed his gay lover.

[Mark Agnon]

Chef allegedly killed his gay lover, Chef Mike. Allegedly. Allegedly.

[Luke Tuma]

Big Mike had his kill.

[Mark Agnon]

Still getting around to that fix on your car?

[Christos]

You got this on ebay.

[Mark Agnon]

You'll find millions of parts guaranteed to fit. Doesn't matter if it's a major engine.

[Christos]

Repair or your first time swapping your windshield wipers. Ebay has that part you need ready.

[Mark Agnon]

To click perfectly into place for changes. Big and small, loud or quiet. Find all the parts you need at prices you'll love.

[Christos]

Guaranteed to fit every time.

[Mark Agnon]

But you already know that. Ebay things people love. Eligible items only. Exclusion supply.

[Luke Tuma]

I'm ready for my life to change. ABC Sundays. American Idol is all new. Give it your all.

[Mark Agnon]

Good luck on the golden ticket. Let's hear it. This is a man's world. I've never seen anything like it.

[Luke Tuma]

And a new chapter begins.

[Mark Agnon]

You're going to Hollywood.

[Luke Tuma]

Carrie Underwood joins Lionel Richie, Luke Bryant and Ryan Seacrest on American Idol News Sundays, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu. He goes, if there's one cop in this house, it's mine.

[Christos]

Big Mike. Chef to death.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, that's how he drowned.

[Christos]

Yeah, that's true.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. There are paddlebo.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. I have not researched that.

[Luke Tuma]

First of all, you're paddleboarding. Pause.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's as the kids say.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. I'm about to go paddle boarding. You pause.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Is that what you call it?

[Mark Agnon]

Diddy or no Diddy?

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, I'm going to paddle board. No Diddy.

[Christos]

So I have a. I have a thing about barrio. I.

[Luke Tuma]

You made love to him.

[Mark Agnon]

No.

[Luke Tuma]

Is this Tucker? Are we on Tucker just. He'll crack and suck off. Barry O. Wouldn't shock me.

[Christos]

Shows Chicago a few years ago. No, he. I know someone who knows some kind of high up political people in Chicago like the donor class and you know, Illinois politics and whatnot. And they were saying it was a known thing in Chicago that he was gay for a long time before he was president. Yeah. That it was like common knowledge. He's kind of on the under. Like we know people that are not out of the closet gay public figures, I would say. Right.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Christos]

Some public.

[Luke Tuma]

Exhibit A.

[Christos]

Really.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, yeah. Wait, no, actually I did. I forgot to mention this earlier. I forgot to mention this earlier.

[Mark Agnon]

What is it?

[Luke Tuma]

But I did a Little preliminary research for the. Because I knew the topic coming in. So I just looked up. I looked up on chat. I did the chat gbt, and I said, just name me 12 gay podcasters. And it was just your name 12 times.

[Mark Agnon]

That's not true.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, isn't that weird?

[Christos]

They actually double checked it on Grok.

[Luke Tuma]

I double checked with Grok and they were like, yeah, that. That checks out.

[Mark Agnon]

Me 12 times.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. And then I asked, like, just name anybody else. And they're like, we. The. It says. Sorry, it, like, just did that. Dot, dot, dot, dot, over and over.

[Mark Agnon]

What is gay about me? What? How am I gay?

[Luke Tuma]

You have sex with men.

[Mark Agnon]

I'll say it again. What is gay about?

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

The question remains, what is gay about? Is it gay to make love to a man?

[Mark Agnon]

Dude, I was talking to a Gu the other day.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, I bet you were.

[Christos]

Speak English.

[Luke Tuma]

It's all timing.

[Christos]

That joke. Yeah. That crossed the language barrier.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, that went. That translated to Greek instantly in his mind.

[Mark Agnon]

I was talking to a guy on stage platonically. Okay. Who happened to be gay.

[Luke Tuma]

Okay.

[Mark Agnon]

And I was talking about being with my wife, and that's really the only woman I've ever been with. And he was like, I more women than you.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

I was like, oh, that's. Whoa.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, that's definitely true.

[Mark Agnon]

That is kind of scary. I'm. I am one woman. I'm gay.

[Luke Tuma]

Same amount of men.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Christos]

Did you kind of, like, emphasize one of the words in the bit where you're like, she's the only woman?

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

She's only broad.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. I'm picking up what I'm laying down.

[Christos]

But.

[Mark Agnon]

But.

[Christos]

Yeah, but du Barrio, apparently it was, like, well known in the Chicago political scene, the Illinois political kind of scene. Donor, whatever. That he was closet. You know?

[Luke Tuma]

Well, I think he's bisexual.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, probably.

[Luke Tuma]

I think he's bisexual. I mean, the letters.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, the letters. Is. Is a little. Is a little tricky.

[Luke Tuma]

So if I make love to men in my mind every day.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Sounds like my diary.

[Mark Agnon]

You have a little Adidas going on.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. Dream about sucking.

[Mark Agnon]

Suck sucking. Yeah. He wrote about his androgynous mind in a letter to his girlfriend. In regards to homosexuality, I must say that I believe this is an attempt to remove oneself from the present. A refusal, perhaps, to perpetuate the endless farce of earthly life. You see, I make love to men daily, but in the imagination.

[Luke Tuma]

What the fuck is he saying?

[Christos]

It was an interesting spin on it. Wait, wait, so wait, the endless farce that is life?

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Of earthly life.

[Luke Tuma]

The endless farce of earth.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Christos]

Kind of like a nihilistic thing. Like none of this matters.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

He just read the Stranger and he's like, I'm gay.

[Mark Agnon]

He wants to do the Stranger.

[Luke Tuma]

He's doing the Stranger with a stranger. It's an actual stranger.

[Mark Agnon]

Also writing a letter to your girlfriend, Right? So just that alone.

[Luke Tuma]

No, I lived. Me and my girlfriend were a long distance for a year and a half. Didn't write her a single letter.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Not a single letter.

[Mark Agnon]

You wrote me a letter?

[Luke Tuma]

Yes, I did write you a letter before.

[Christos]

Interesting.

[Mark Agnon]

Recently, Paul?

[Luke Tuma]

No, I wrote you a thing. I left a thank you note for letting me stay.

[Christos]

Thank you for the.

[Mark Agnon]

Thank you for the.

[Christos]

Dick, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. Is that what you said?

[Christos]

That was in your letter?

[Luke Tuma]

Is that what you said?

[Mark Agnon]

What did you do in my apartment while you were alone for three? It is.

[Christos]

Jerk.

[Luke Tuma]

Are you asking if I goon and edged?

[Mark Agnon]

Did you edge in my bed?

[Luke Tuma]

I didn't edge or goon.

[Mark Agnon]

You didn't. Be honest, did you? I. Because I can check the wi fi. Did you goon in my apartment?

[Luke Tuma]

I didn't ed your goon. You know what I did do? I got pretty close to blackout drunk and then came back into your apartment and hung out with your cat and ate cheesecake and watched Lord of the Rings, Return of the king until about 4:30 in the morning. And I was like, dude, like, there wasn't AC DC playing, but like in my mind's eye, in my mind's ears, it was like.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

It was so much fun.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. And the cat tried to try to cop your cheese.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. The cat fully made love to my cheesecake when I stood up for a minute.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

That happened like the way like to the point where I was like, I cannot ingest this anymore. Like, if a cat like had a couple licks on something. Yeah, I can live with that.

[Mark Agnon]

That's life, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

The cat was like. Like, you ought to.

[Mark Agnon]

It was like, no, no, no, no, don't do that. No, no. That. It's a funny.

[Luke Tuma]

If you want to look at the list, that list is.

[Mark Agnon]

Is a farce of earthly life. Okay.

[Christos]

This is also. This is a perfect encapsulation of who Kristoff is. Like most guys, if they had the ACDC playing in their head, it's like they're flying down the highway on their motorcycle. They leather jacket. Kristoff's eating cheesecake with a cat on his chest.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

And watching Lord of the Rings. I'm with the boys, dude.

[Mark Agnon]

I was like sucking black my Name's M. No, I'm gay. Licking cop, sucking every day. The lyrics, dude, break my b. But yeah, he. He wrote this letter. Apparently there was other things. This guy, what is his name?

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, the Tucker guy.

[Mark Agnon]

David Garo claims the 44th president, quote, repeatedly fantasized by making love to men. This guy is a Pulitzer Prize winning historian.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, not the crackhead.

[Mark Agnon]

No. There was another guy that went on Tucker that did say that he bought crack and. And sucked off.

[Christos]

But this guy's a writer.

[Mark Agnon]

This guy's a writer. And he said. Yeah, that is that he was having gay fantasies, which. Does that make you gay?

[Christos]

He said that he was having a gay. He. So he was a historian.

[Luke Tuma]

He analyzed the letters and he's like, yeah, he's gay.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Like, we need America's top minds.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Yeah. This guy Garrow, a Pulitzer Prize winning historian, was the author of 2017 biography Rising Star, the Making of Barack Obama. And he said he repeatedly fantasized about making love to men, which, if fantasizing by making love to men makes you gay. What? Thoughts or crimes now? Yeah, like what, 1984. Yeah, right. Where does the buck stop?

[Luke Tuma]

Okay, that's interesting. I. It's. Yeah, it's fascinating. They had, like, a literary analysis of his gayness.

[Christos]

I think that if you feel compelled to put it into words and send it to a friend, that you're probably gay. It's one thing if I guess he just had the thoughts, but he needed to get them out.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. I think these.

[Christos]

These feel like burning thoughts.

[Luke Tuma]

How does Obama's brother feel about all this? Dude, Obama's brother is cracked.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Christos]

Gary Obama.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an insane.

[Luke Tuma]

What's his name?

[Christos]

Gary?

[Luke Tuma]

Is it Gary and Barry Obama?

[Christos]

I'm kidding. I don't know his name.

[Luke Tuma]

I don't know his name either. But he has like a Kenyan brother. He's like crazy online.

[Christos]

I thought it'd be funny if it was like, Frank Obama.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. It's an insane that he has the same last name because we just know Obama. Like, yeah, that's Obama. But he has a brother that's apparently been spouting off.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. He's been cooking.

[Christos]

Farrakhan looking. Mother.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Brother.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Christos]

Malik Obama.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. And then everyone's like, how would you ever think he wasn't born in this country? And you're like, what's his brother's name? Abagon Malik. How would you ever think that? Yeah, I'm not a birther, bro.

[Christos]

This guy looks like. This guy looks like an Uber driver who listens to Christian radio.

[Luke Tuma]

It's like in Congolese Christian radio, the.

[Mark Agnon]

Most racist you'll ever hear in your whole life is if this guy picks you up in an Uber. Like a Nigerian Uber driver.

[Luke Tuma]

Have you seen the Haitians? They are eating the dog. They eat the dog.

[Mark Agnon]

They go off.

[Luke Tuma]

You don't. Gay people, the black people, everyone. If you got that hat, you're not a fan.

[Mark Agnon]

No.

[Luke Tuma]

And that's probably why he hates his fucking gay brother.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

He goes, barry Obama is a. My brother sucks. Okay. We drop you off here.

[Christos]

He is what we call in my country a fudge backup.

[Mark Agnon]

Five stars.

[Luke Tuma]

Have you seen they suck the poo poo? They eat the poo poo. Have you seen they eat the poo poo.

[Christos]

Why are you gay? Malik definitely asked Barry if he's eating the poop.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, he asked him.

[Mark Agnon]

He says in a letter in 1982, I have thought about and considered gayness, but ultimately chose heterosexuality.

[Luke Tuma]

He said he chose it.

[Mark Agnon]

That's. That's according to the line dug up by David Guerrero in his 2017.

[Luke Tuma]

Wait, wait, wait. So Obama is quoted. That's a real quote from Obama.

[Mark Agnon]

According to my friend Zach's research.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, well, interesting.

[Christos]

You know, I. I never thought about the fact that closeted gay guys think that homosexuality is a choice because they're convincing themselves they just chose not to go that way.

[Luke Tuma]

Right.

[Christos]

Interesting.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

I feel like the more into, like, being gay as a choice you are, you're either like, actively repressing and going to, like. What's it called where you convert?

[Mark Agnon]

Like, gay conversion therapy.

[Luke Tuma]

Conversion therapy.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Or you're just like a really hate gay people. There's kind of no real.

[Christos]

Do you think if you're a gay guy and you're choosing. Choosing to be straight.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Christos]

Does it suck to bang ladies? Like, are you hating it when you're doing it?

[Luke Tuma]

How do you feel about it? Here go.

[Mark Agnon]

Big boom.

[Luke Tuma]

Big boom.

[Mark Agnon]

Big boom. Big boom. Rosa Parks. You're getting a big boom.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Have you seen that one?

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love it.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. All time Costco, guys.

[Luke Tuma]

But no, that's a good question. Like, they hate. They hate heterosexual sex.

[Christos]

Like, are you, like, are you banging a lady? And like, this is gross, dude.

[Mark Agnon]

I mean, I think you can kind of get there.

[Luke Tuma]

Okay.

[Mark Agnon]

If you had to. Or else you get killed.

[Luke Tuma]

Close your eyes and think of. It's a man's ass.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. You just do some Adidas and you just gotta.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

I wonder if it's that or like, part of me thinks, like, it's Just like physical. Like it feels good. It's still your. Your dick in a vagina. Like it still feels good. So if you can just disassociate enough, you could probably let one loose.

[Mark Agnon]

That's what I imagine. I mean, some of these guys have kids. There's been a long history of closeted gays.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Apparently running our country. Right.

[Luke Tuma]

So, Barry O.

[Mark Agnon]

So Dave Garrow's book apparently is. Is pretty controversial. As you can imagine. People have disputed this. Okay. So I'm not. I'm not sitting here.

[Luke Tuma]

Number one biggest critic is just Obama. Nope. Oh, you got to have those ribs.

[Mark Agnon]

One. One star on. On Goodreads.

[Luke Tuma]

One star. And yell from Barry Obama. I'm.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, this book sucks. But yeah. So apparently there's also another rumor tied to his former body man, Reggie Love.

[Luke Tuma]

Well, if you got a body man.

[Mark Agnon]

He worked as his personal aide from 2007, 2011. He was a college basketball star turned shadow hand. Star turned shadow handling schedules meals and does. Does like pickup games. And. And there's apparently he claims that he. He was the real deal behind Michelle. So this is what people are posting on X. Apparently he's like. He was. He was banging them also. So, yeah. Love has since gone private sector and the story stays a whisper.

[Luke Tuma]

Damn.

[Christos]

What do you mean, the real deal behind Michelle?

[Mark Agnon]

This is what people on. On X. Like, this was. This is what they said. This is just like a cryptic quote that. Yeah. That he was the one that has. Has sex with Barry.

[Christos]

Interesting.

[Mark Agnon]

Okay.

[Luke Tuma]

Do you think Barry's getting his back blown out or is he top.

[Mark Agnon]

He's topping for sure.

[Christos]

I think he's bottoming, dude. Powerful guy. You wanna. You wanna Release. Stand by. 10 toes down on that. Can we get a yo in the chat? Dude, ten toes down on that opinion. Apparently you're powerful, man. You want to get railed out by.

[Mark Agnon]

A dude Again, again, there's, there's. There's a controversy because apparently people say in Chicago days he was a regular at bathhouses. They called him Bathhouse Barry.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, yes.

[Christos]

This is what I heard.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Christos]

From someone.

[Luke Tuma]

And that's where you just go to tug guys. I heard.

[Mark Agnon]

And yeah, they say this. He was a. They called him a fixture in the. In the down low scene. A term for men secretly sleeping with men. No records, photos or credible insider support. This is all hearsay.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Nice.

[Mark Agnon]

And yeah, apparently fixture. Yeah.

[Christos]

So he's got all sorts in the dlc.

[Luke Tuma]

He's a fixture.

[Christos]

You ever see that episode of Law and Order SVU where the. They find A DL scene of black guys. The one guy's like, I date women. I have sex with men. I'm not gay. And then Ice T has to go. I tell you something, brother, that means you're gay.

[Luke Tuma]

It's a classic scene. Let me tell you something, brother, that means not gay.

[Christos]

I date women.

[Luke Tuma]

Obama.

[Mark Agnon]

Wait, what is this? Christos?

[Luke Tuma]

Is Obama gay?

[Mark Agnon]

Christos? What is the meaning of this? Yeah, I mean, this. I mean, no, that's. That's a power pose. That's Captain Morgan.

[Luke Tuma]

These are. Yeah, well, they, you know, if you can choose to be gay, you can choose to be Alpha too.

[Mark Agnon]

That's what I'm saying. So then there's Larry Sinclair, the guy who popped up in 2018 that claimed he had a drug fueled hookup with.

[Luke Tuma]

Obama in 1999. Who's the guy in Miami? The black. He. He was. He ran for governor.

[Christos]

Rick Ross.

[Luke Tuma]

Rick Ross. He ran for governor. Black guy got caught with a gay hooker, like surrounded in meth.

[Mark Agnon]

He died or something.

[Luke Tuma]

Did he die?

[Mark Agnon]

No, that.

[Christos]

You're thinking of Rob Ford.

[Luke Tuma]

No, no, no, no, no. It's an African American gentleman. He was in Miami. Like smoke, like Andrew Gillum. Gillum.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Male escorts.

[Luke Tuma]

Ooh, Gillum.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Apparently, I don't know all the details on this one.

[Luke Tuma]

Tons of maps. Death.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, but apparently I think the guy died.

[Luke Tuma]

Is Andrew Gillum dead?

[Mark Agnon]

No, no, Andrew Gillum is alive and well, but he did not return a call. Yeah, he didn't return a call from People magazine, so I don't know if people have checked on him since, but yeah, he was. He was found with an escort and cried every day. According to this article from Pink News.

[Luke Tuma]

Gillum. Pink News.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Democrat Andrew Page.

[Luke Tuma]

Big boom. We get that. 5.

[Christos]

Big boom. That was close.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, he was found. Yeah, he had this.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, it was really close.

[Mark Agnon]

Gay escort overdosed on meth.

[Luke Tuma]

Can you imagine if. If. If the gay meth guy was in charge instead of Desantis?

[Christos]

But it looked a lot different during the pandemic, I'll tell you that right now.

[Luke Tuma]

Guys, we need to stay home and look out the blinds. Yeah, yeah, we need to stay home and tweak.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, I think it'd be sick.

[Luke Tuma]

You can have one guy over a day. That's it.

[Mark Agnon]

Just sit on the porch.

[Luke Tuma]

Just sit on the porch.

[Mark Agnon]

Just feel it.

[Luke Tuma]

Just fucking sweep the streets. We need to clean up the streets.

[Mark Agnon]

Based off of these rumors and scandalous evidence.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, yeah, he's fucking.

[Christos]

I think he's gay.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, he's.

[Mark Agnon]

Are we going full gay bi Or.

[Luke Tuma]

I think he's a bisexual man.

[Mark Agnon]

Okay.

[Luke Tuma]

I think he's some kind of like, queer label, maybe not anything specific. I mean, his wife is a trans woman. Okay, that's confirmed.

[Mark Agnon]

Alleged.

[Luke Tuma]

That's Confirmed.

[Christos]

Confirmed.

[Mark Agnon]

Bridget McCrone. There's maybe a case for that one.

[Luke Tuma]

Reggie Macron.

[Mark Agnon]

Have you seen this?

[Luke Tuma]

I thought she was just old.

[Mark Agnon]

No, no. Oh, she is. But Candace. Slam piece on her.

[Luke Tuma]

Really?

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, yeah. She's been doing a number.

[Christos]

Mrs. Emmanuel Macron.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Speaking of. Slam piece.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

How beautiful is Candace? Can we get.

[Mark Agnon]

Of course.

[Luke Tuma]

Can we get a thumbs up in the chat?

[Christos]

Queen Candace Owens.

[Luke Tuma]

She is so hot. It's like distribute act. I don't even care what she's saying.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, yeah. She's been going off saying that Bridget McCrone is actually Emmanuel McCrone's father, who that is cosplaying as a woman and cosplaying as his wife in order to, like, you know, control things.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, she's a piece. Can you look up Bridget McCrone? And she would see what this broad looks like. Yeah, I have a business.

[Christos]

She doesn't look that manly.

[Luke Tuma]

No, she doesn't really. She just looks like an older kind of plastic sick woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

So maybe she's just. I guess she was like 40 while Macron was like 17 or something.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, it's a big age gap. Maybe just a p. That's what I don't. I don't with that.

[Christos]

You show me a picture of this woman and you said, what does she do? I'd be like, she's got fake tits. She lives in Dallas.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

She's like an oil baron's wife.

[Christos]

Right.

[Luke Tuma]

Hands off on the ridge.

[Mark Agnon]

And go. Horns.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, hook them.

[Christos]

But I'm an elderly gay man. I'm actually an elderly gay man.

[Luke Tuma]

I'm a gay French man.

[Christos]

It's amazing what science can do these days.

[Mark Agnon]

Surgery.

[Christos]

You'd never even know. I'm an elderly gay Frenchman.

[Mark Agnon]

Also, Obama did legalize gay marriage.

[Luke Tuma]

Pause.

[Mark Agnon]

Not that that makes you gay.

[Luke Tuma]

That doesn't make you gay.

[Mark Agnon]

But just add it to the list. All right. You want another one?

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, hit me.

[Mark Agnon]

What's up, guys? We're gonna take a break really quick because you are a grown child. Yes. You're a giant man child. And you just love stuff in your face. And all the sugary cereals you ate when you were a kid, when you're just a fat little 8 year old, you would sit down on your couch and you would just eat these. These sugary cereals. And nowadays you try to do that like I have, you feel terrible, you go, oh, yeah, my blood pressure is rising. I do get a hangover from eating these cereals that I ate when I was a child. And that's why I want to talk to you about Magic Spoon. This thing right here, freshly opened because I was just engorging myself. Magic Spoon is all the flavors that you love that come from your favorite nostalgic cereals. Flavors like fruity cocoa, frosted. Do those sound familiar to you? Because legally I can't say what they are, but those are the flavors that Magic Spoon has. And here's what's amazing about Magic Spoon. It's the same taste. It's all the flavor packed into every bite from those childhood cereals. But 13 grams of protein, 0 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of net carbs. Yeah, imagine that, 13 grams of protein. This is protein packed cereal. So instead of being a little fat kid, you can sit down on Sunday morning, watch your cartoons and get freaking jacked. Yeah, you'll look like Ronnie Coleman or something. You keep on crushing these, you're gonna be diesel as hell. So instead of being a little fat boy, you can be a giant strong man but still keep your same habits of just sitting down and watching your cartoons. And. And for the listeners of this program, if you go to magicspoon.com camp. That's right, magicspoon.com camp, c a m. P. You're gonna get $5 off your next order. Five whole dollars. You can save and apply to therapy for figuring out your disgusting, twisted childhood of stuff in your face with processed sugars and red dye 40 and stuff like that. But with Magic Spoon, you don't have to worry about any of that stuff. It's all good. 13 grams of protein, none of the sugar, 4 grams of carbs. Get it today, Magic Spoon on Amazon or at your nearest grocery store. Or you can go to magicspoon.com campcamp for $5 off. Now let's get back to the show. You fatty. Honest Abe.

[Christos]

No, I've heard this. Yeah, I've heard.

[Luke Tuma]

I did hear this too, and I don't like it. He had a beard. His wife was a beard who was just. Maybe she was just schizophrenic. They were both ugly as sin. That's the thing they say, oh, his wife was so ugly. And it's like he was not good looking.

[Mark Agnon]

Can we get it?

[Luke Tuma]

Can we get a pic of old Honest Abe?

[Mark Agnon]

What's Abe's wife's name?

[Luke Tuma]

I don't know. Bessie. I don't know. Oh. Oh, Todd. Mary Todd.

[Mark Agnon]

Mary Todd.

[Luke Tuma]

Mary Todd.

[Mark Agnon]

Very good. Yeah, they added the Mary late back in the day.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. You didn't get to choose a new name. You just had to have two names.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Like, okay, Todd Lincoln. Mary Todd Lincoln.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

I mean, that's a tough look. Look.

[Luke Tuma]

No, she was uglier than.

[Christos]

She looks like John Belushi.

[Luke Tuma]

That's a soul man right there. No, she was also, like, known to, like. I love how they describe old crazy women, like, back in the day. Yeah, it's the best. They're like, she had flights of hysteria.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Well, do you know the term hysteria? The moon comes from the hysterectomy.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. Yeah. But you would do a historically moon, one of them. I'm thinking about lunatic tick. That's what I'm thinking of.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, type, though.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, but that's the moon. That's your period. That's your blood.

[Mark Agnon]

That's what I'm saying, bro.

[Luke Tuma]

You gotta be thinking, I'll line up. So when Aquarius is in the sky and you're bleeding, that's your man.

[Christos]

You gotta get the alignment of your mind.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, exactly.

[Luke Tuma]

Wait, so she had, like, probably, like schizophrenia or something, right? Or bipolar something.

[Mark Agnon]

There's been a lot. A lot of theories, but also really care.

[Luke Tuma]

Like, first kid, like, died. It was, like, really sad.

[Mark Agnon]

It's a whole thing. Her husband got murdered. Like, it's.

[Christos]

Which actually stuff happened back then.

[Mark Agnon]

Apparently Lincoln's kid just was like a little aside dad. His son was basically present at three presidential assassinations.

[Luke Tuma]

Whoa. Okay. Well, why were you not looking into this motherfucker?

[Mark Agnon]

Right. A little sketchy. I think Robert Todd Lincoln was his name. He was like a boy when his dad got shot and then brought to the White House. And he was like, oh, my God, my dad's dead.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

And then the next guy, McKinley, I think, was assassinated and he was like, working within politics. And then Garfield gets assassinated and he's there and calls the doctor that actually kills him on the train platform.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, good. What did the doctor do to Garfield?

[Mark Agnon]

He just stuck his fingers in the bullet holes. Yeah. Let's get this out.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. Dude. I love old medicine. I love old medicine.

[Christos]

William McKinley was murdered in the parking lot of my high school.

[Mark Agnon]

What?

[Christos]

Before it was my high school.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, he was trying to buy weed from Lou. Buffalo Drug deal gone wrong.

[Mark Agnon]

It wasn't Buffalo. It was at the World's Fair. Yeah, yeah.

[Christos]

Pan American Expo. Dude.

[Mark Agnon]

That's exactly right. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. He was like, so like, like ostentatious. Like he was like, I want to meet the people I want to be around.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

And then got murdered by Kolgosh. An old. An old, like anarchist.

[Luke Tuma]

Nice.

[Mark Agnon]

Took him down Colgos.

[Luke Tuma]

What is that? Do you know name, I think.

[Mark Agnon]

No, it's like Eastern European pastries they have in Texas.

[Luke Tuma]

Kolache.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, but yeah, he just. He took him out. Little pistol under the. Under the hand.

[Luke Tuma]

Damn.

[Mark Agnon]

But yeah, Robert Todd was at all of them. He got involved in politics, obviously. And his life is actually very sad. He's like, people didn't. People didn't like Robert Todd. They liked Abe Lincoln.

[Christos]

I mean, it sounds like they like Robert Todd.

[Mark Agnon]

Well, that's just how he's a bit of a drag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People get murked everywhere.

[Luke Tuma]

My brother's dead, my dad's dead, my mom's talking crazy. Shut up, Robert. To God. Stupid2name.

[Mark Agnon]

People think Abe's gay, though, because there's this guy, Billy Green, who shared Lincoln's bed back in the 1830s when they were young and scraping by in New Salem, Illinois.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, but dude, I mean, I started reading. I started reading Benjamin Franklin's autobiography and they do some gay. Back in the day. Back in the day. Back in the day. You like I. And I shared a room with my best friend.

[Mark Agnon]

Yes. Yeah. That makes you gay.

[Luke Tuma]

That makes you being.

[Mark Agnon]

Dude. Green later wrote, his thighs were as perfect as any human beings could be.

[Christos]

That's a little sad.

[Luke Tuma]

Whoa, whoa.

[Mark Agnon]

Praising Abe's build from those close quarters.

[Luke Tuma]

He praised Abe's build. That's gay.

[Christos]

That's weird.

[Luke Tuma]

Abe definitely had Marfan syndrome.

[Mark Agnon]

He might have.

[Luke Tuma]

He almost certainly had Marfanson. It's where you're all tall and gangly.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

It's like that's. There are more symptoms than being just tall.

[Christos]

Maybe I have marfans.

[Mark Agnon]

You might, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, I caught it early.

[Mark Agnon]

It's all in the legs. People can't tell by looking at you right now.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, I'm all legs.

[Christos]

I'm so tall.

[Mark Agnon]

All legs.

[Christos]

It's got to be a problem. I got tall colitis, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

Well, yeah, he had marfan, which is. Yeah, yeah, but it makes you like, tend to be very tall.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Okay, so it makes you like tall and wiry. Like you'll be like 6, 8 and like £160. Like you'll be super light, super tall.

[Mark Agnon]

It also comes with a bunch of other, like, health.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. Like your heart explodes. I don't know. It makes you die early.

[Mark Agnon]

But you're a romantic.

[Christos]

So we're getting a little closer with Abe Lincoln to gayness. Because it started with he shares a bed with his buddy. Not that gay. No, we've all done that.

[Mark Agnon]

That maybe his friend was gay.

[Christos]

We've all jerked off in a room with our friends when we're in middle school. Yeah, obviously.

[Luke Tuma]

I actually never did that. But we did take turns going to the bathroom.

[Christos]

We took turns going into my friend's computer room. Shout out Ryan. We took turns going into his parents computer room to jerk off. And then we would ask, how was it? And I'll go, it was great.

[Luke Tuma]

Which, which shift did you really good jerk off?

[Christos]

I got the second shift.

[Luke Tuma]

That's not bad.

[Christos]

Yeah, Tommy, patience. For sure.

[Luke Tuma]

That's a good question. Like, would you rather be the first? Like, what if there's five dudes? We're all hanging out. Yeah, we all gotta go rub one out in the other room. What order do you want to go in first? Really?

[Christos]

Probably I want to be third. I want to be able to, you know, I like.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, because like, I want them to like, sort out. I don't know, maybe if they're looking at stuff when we're sharing stuff.

[Mark Agnon]

That was like the history.

[Luke Tuma]

You go through the history, you see what they, you know, ended up going into. And you can like pick the best.

[Mark Agnon]

I think sending your boy porn, being like, dude, rub it out to this. That sort of.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, but when you're like 13, these don't. It's not. That's not in your mind yet. You're just working with limited resources. You're so excited by putting your. Your friend's magnificent thighs or whatever that you. You just jerk it. Yeah, I could say it wasn't gay. We all would watch porn and get bricked up. This is what happened. We all watched the same porn, got bricked up, went to the bathroom, did our biz.

[Mark Agnon]

Wow. Just from mem. Just from memory, just like thinking about.

[Luke Tuma]

Were you just so horny? Just.

[Mark Agnon]

Just rub it on the sink and you're like, that's all you need.

[Christos]

Yeah, well, really, what it is is at that age, you just can't imagine a night without jerking it.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. And we got in trouble because someone, whoever was last to go did not. They landed on the seat and his mommy found it. Mommy found it. The foul on the seat.

[Mark Agnon]

No way.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

So what did you guys do?

[Luke Tuma]

She just yelled at us, like kind of in passing.

[Christos]

She just said, don't come on my furniture.

[Luke Tuma]

Literally. Something like that.

[Mark Agnon]

That's so reasonable.

[Luke Tuma]

And we're all like, ooh, we're all playing Call of Duty and we're having a LAN party, so. Badass Mountain Dew, code red so far. Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

I mean, you kind of just gotta be like, sorry, mom. GG.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, sorry, mom. We were all just gooning and GG's.

[Mark Agnon]

Call it a day to just keep it pushing.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

So it doesn't end there with Lincoln, there's this guy, Joshua Speed, Lincoln's best friend.

[Luke Tuma]

Damn.

[Mark Agnon]

And from 37 to 40 named Josh Speed. Dude. Josh Speed. Dude. He shared a bed above Speed store in Springfield for four years when Speed got married in 18.

[Christos]

This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Upgrade your business with Shopify. Home of the number one checkout on the planet. Shop pay boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning fewer carts going abandoned and more sales going cha ching.

[Mark Agnon]

So if you're into growing your business.

[Christos]

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[Luke Tuma]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.

[Mark Agnon]

42. Lincoln wrote him, I'm not going without my trousers for nothing. No one's really sure what that means, but it seems some people indicate he.

[Luke Tuma]

Called him that his nickname was my trousers is that he's like, he's calling him my trousers.

[Mark Agnon]

I don't know. I'm not. I'm not going without my trousers for nothing. I don't know what that could mean.

[Luke Tuma]

I'm not going. I'm. It's a double negative.

[Christos]

That sounds. That sounds like he's saying, if you want me to take my trousers off, you got to pay up. Oh, like, I'm not going to take my trousers off for nothing. Like, if a guy accosted me was like, dude, Luke, take your trousers off. I be like, I'm not going.

[Luke Tuma]

Trousers for nothing.

[Christos]

You're going to have to.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, you're married. Like, you're married. You can't even be my little boo thing.

[Christos]

Show me the money if I'm going to take these trousers off.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

There's another one. Elmer Ellsworth and David Derrickson, two soldiers close to Lincoln during the Civil War. Ellsworth, a young colonial abe called the greatest little man I ever met in 1861.

[Christos]

This is a nice thing to say.

[Luke Tuma]

About that's just a nice thing.

[Christos]

You said that about me before.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, Luke all the time. The greatest little man I've ever met.

[Mark Agnon]

Despite his Marfan syndrome.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. To fight. He's fighting off Marfans right now.

[Mark Agnon]

He's a survivor.

[Christos]

Towering over you guys. My Marfan dude.

[Mark Agnon]

And then Derrickson, his bodyguard stepped in later, a soldier's wife. Virginia fox gossiped in 1862 that Derrickson sleeps with him when Mary was away getting gayer again.

[Luke Tuma]

The thing is, like, Mary Todd is such, like, a battle axe.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

You know what I mean? I think the crux or, like, where all this. The genesis of all of this is he has a shitty, ugly wife. So you're like, he's got to be gay.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Like, how does he love this, like, ugly, crazy bit?

[Mark Agnon]

President of the world, like.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, dude. Most powerful man in. On earth.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

You know, starts a civil war.

[Mark Agnon]

Got killed in the theater.

[Luke Tuma]

Got killed at theater.

[Christos]

Free the slaves.

[Luke Tuma]

You know, free.

[Christos]

The sisters are on ice, John. You know, all the sisters are trying to hop on that.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, bro.

[Christos]

He's the Travis Kelsey of his time.

[Mark Agnon]

So it seems like that's all the. All the ABE stuff. Just a lot of bed sharing.

[Luke Tuma]

But it was also a different time sharing beds, bro. Like, no one had any money. He was, like, born in a mud hut in Kentucky or wherever or in Illinois.

[Christos]

I'm going straight.

[Luke Tuma]

I think he's straight. I think he might be, dude.

[Christos]

Straight until proven gay.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, I think that's reasonable.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. I think we're straight until proven gay. I think Obama's been fully proven gay, though, for sure. Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

All right, how about George W. No. Washington cheerleader. George Washington. We'll get to that, though.

[Luke Tuma]

Wait, no, that's George. That's regular George. Yeah, that's a George dub.

[Mark Agnon]

This is Washington. Oh, no.

[Luke Tuma]

I'm thinking of age again.

[Mark Agnon]

There's. There's theories that kind of float around. Okay, so here's what. Here's. Here's the thing. Washington and Martha didn't have kids together.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. That's weird.

[Mark Agnon]

Even though she had two from her first marriage.

[Luke Tuma]

Well, he was probably shooting blanks, perhaps.

[Mark Agnon]

For a leader of his time, that's unusual. Most big shots had heirs to carry their name. Some point to that gap in wonder if maybe he wasn't into women at all. No little Washingtons running around Mount Vernon. Additionally, Alexander Hamilton and Marquez, Marquis de Lafayette, who I've seen in Hamilton. They were close to Washington during the war, and they sparked speculation. Hamilton, his aide. And. And Washington wrote in 1779, I have a high opinion of your merits. Showing trust. Lafayette, a young ally, admired him deeply and he says, says, my heart feels a tender affection for you.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, but bros just talked like that back then, dude. Like, there's lots of things like, that's.

[Christos]

Like saying, we locked in, twin.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

They just said, we locked in.

[Christos]

We locked in.

[Mark Agnon]

We Twizzy. For real.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, it's just like. Yeah. There was also, like, the regal thing can be gay. You know what I mean? The way, like, Lordly types talk about.

[Christos]

It, it is kind of gated hog like that.

[Luke Tuma]

It is kind of gated. Like, they have a powdered wig on and, like, blush and they're like, you know, I.

[Mark Agnon]

Heels.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, they're wearing clickety high heels, and they're like, have a cape on. I mean, Liberace actor swag. And then they're like, I hold you in such high regard that I. I pity the day that you leave my count. That I. That your countenance is not in my gaze. And you're like, yeah, yeah. Pause.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, yeah. Apparently, Washington wrote a note to Hamilton that was basically saying that, hey, you're being a little too familiar. You're sending me too much love and affection. He says in a letter from 1781, you treat me with too much familiarity. Setting boundaries. And then Martha in 1775, that's just saying I don't.

[Christos]

You don't know me. Like, I don't know.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, exactly.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Like, yo, we're not.

[Christos]

We're not tight.

[Luke Tuma]

Like, black people have said that before. You acted too familiar.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christos]

You acting familiar.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, you gotta stand your toes.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

And Martha wrote in 1775, My dear General, as well and as happy as can be to be away from me. People look into this and they say, why is he happy to be away from you?

[Christos]

Every straight guy's happy to be away from their chick.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. This is not the straightest thing that's ever point into the straight category.

[Christos]

What are you talking about?

[Luke Tuma]

He's out with the boys. He doesn't want to be with his wife.

[Christos]

Dude, I love being around my girlfriend all the time.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, that would be. See, that's where I go. Lincoln might be a little sus. Because he's was like, bro, you're hanging out with this broad all the time.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Luke Tuma]

I mean, how many, like, gay dudes have, like, a crazy female friend?

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

That they're, like, tight.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

That it's like, totally. Like, they're inseparable.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

You know what I mean?

[Mark Agnon]

So Washington what do we say?

[Luke Tuma]

Not gay.

[Mark Agnon]

Not gay.

[Luke Tuma]

Not gay. Slave teeth.

[Christos]

I do. That's the only. I will say I was thinking about that. A good point to be made. Wooden teeth. Did the first set get knocked out by dudes?

[Luke Tuma]

Gummy George, was.

[Mark Agnon]

Was the cherry tree really just a metaphor? Yeah, you want wood in your mouth?

[Christos]

Cherry sort of get.

[Luke Tuma]

He chopped down the chair. Yeah. He can't tell a lie.

[Christos]

The cherry tree is what he calls a native American guy's cock.

[Luke Tuma]

But yeah, you suck on my cherry.

[Mark Agnon]

He did have slave teeth. Isn't that wild?

[Luke Tuma]

He had slave teeth. Yeah. They weren't. There's the wooden teeth thing, which is a myth. It was. They just had slave teeth, which I want to know just. Just out of a cure.

[Mark Agnon]

They were not grills, you racist. What is wrong with you?

[Christos]

I was just curious, dude, if I was going to take body parts from my slaves. I'm giving myself Tommy John surgery. Give me the ligaments, dude.

[Mark Agnon]

Fast twitch.

[Luke Tuma]

It's definitely the big meat hogs. They. They're rocking around, dude.

[Christos]

I want to be.

[Luke Tuma]

I want. I want a piece.

[Mark Agnon]

We're just describing a Jordan Peele movie.

[Luke Tuma]

Already exist called Meat Hogs.

[Christos]

I'm giving myself. It's called the hell. You're going meat hog. I'm going acl, mcl, pcl. Give me the knee ligaments, dude.

[Mark Agnon]

I want to be able to dunk.

[Luke Tuma]

Extra bone so I'm faster.

[Christos]

I'm getting. I'm getting new accounts.

[Mark Agnon]

Do they have an extra bone?

[Luke Tuma]

I've heard that that's a. That's a racist myth that black people have extra bones in their body.

[Mark Agnon]

And that's why they're so fast.

[Luke Tuma]

That's why they're so fast. There's also that guy in the 70s or 80s, I think it was a basketball announcer who like said this or. No, you know what he said? He said that it was selective breeding from slavery. That's why all the black guys play in the NBA and white guys don't.

[Mark Agnon]

That's the most insane theory. I remember hearing that and I was like, there's no way. And then I googled it and I was like, yeah, there's still no way.

[Christos]

I actually did think that for a while, but now when you see Luca, Cooper, Dean, etc, I was being racist.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, poverty makes you sick in sports.

[Luke Tuma]

I also think basketball is like the easiest, like, cheapest sport. That's why, like, they would dominate baseball too. They would dominate hockey. But these are expensive sports that require equipment.

[Mark Agnon]

Well, now, now, now. Black dudes are chopping it up with snowboarding.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, that guy's awesome. What's his name?

[Mark Agnon]

Zed Powell.

[Christos]

Yeah, Zed Po.

[Luke Tuma]

He's doing like, I love. Dude, they just. Black dude comes in, does some. You've ne. Actually never seen before. Literally putting the sport, like, just changing. Yo, he's awesome.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, you just need enough time. Time. And then black dudes will take it over and then just make it sick as hell.

[Luke Tuma]

There'll just be one who's like, nasty at it. And they're like, I guess we can do that now.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, I guess we don't.

[Luke Tuma]

I guess we just shred that.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, I guess we're pool players. All right. Franklin Pierce.

[Luke Tuma]

I don't know a thing about Franklin Pierce.

[Mark Agnon]

Some people suspect that he sort of, you know, drowned his sorrows in Nathaniel Hawthorne's arms after losing everything. But other people think this is just a story that people.

[Christos]

What did he lose?

[Mark Agnon]

People are looking into it.

[Luke Tuma]

Do we know Nathaniel Hawthorne? Who is that a. Who's he? That sounds familiar.

[Mark Agnon]

Nathaniel Hawthorne. Let's get a. Let's get a quick Google search.

[Christos]

And I want to know what lost this is. I'm. I'm interested.

[Mark Agnon]

He's a. He's a novelist. He wrote the Scarlet Letter.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, okay. Yeah, I knew. I heard of him.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. And he also wrote Young Goodman Brown. Couple other books.

[Christos]

Young Goodman Brown, he doesn't find. Funny dude.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. Humorless looking mother never lasts in his life.

[Mark Agnon]

His mustache is sad. He's got a frowning mustache. But yeah. So this was. Some people have speculated they had some type of secret romance. A trist, if you will.

[Luke Tuma]

I could see this guy being gay.

[Mark Agnon]

Why? What's up? Guys? We're going to take a break really quick because I need to tell you about how you are potentially entitled for some compensation. That's right. You may have been injured without even knowing it. And I think statistically, most Americans have been injured by this. We know that our food is poison. Many of these companies, these massive conglomerates, are pumping our food with stabilizers and gums and other processed chemicals that are illegal in most other countries. But for some reason in America, they are fully legal and they are allegedly causing many health problems. That's a very small alleged. I actually just read a book about this ultra processed humans. It's fascinating that the processed chemicals that are going into our foods are terrible for you. I mean, if you were to take a baked cookie and a cookie that's filled with processed preservatives, even if they have the Same exact nutritional profile, the one with the preservatives and all the gums and stabilizers and ultra processing chemicals is going to be worse for you by, by a far, far margin. So if you have been exposed to many of these ultra processed foods, they've been known to be addictive, they've been known to, to target children, and they can potentially cause chronic diseases such as type 2 diabetes, fat fatty liver disease, both of which were unheard of 40 years ago, but now affect the lives of thousands of children. It looks like the people over at Morgan and Morgan are fighting for the people once again. That's right. Morgan and Morgan, America's largest law firm. I mean, they have, you know, handled thousands and thousands of cases, recovered billions of dollars for their clients, and now they are targeting the ultra processed food giants of the world. Okay. So if you or your child has been diagnosed with one of these diseases that I mentioned before, you may have legal options. They have helped thousands of families seek justice against these big corporations and they are ready to fight for you as well. So if you are interested, go to for the people.comgagnon. that's right. That is f o r the people.comgagnon. if you're interested in potentially hear more about the way that these companies can be affecting you and your health and the health of your family and how you may be entitled for compensation because of that. Now I do have to disclose. This is a paid advertisement. Now let's get back to the show.

[Luke Tuma]

Look how like sad he is.

[Mark Agnon]

What? Gay guys sad.

[Luke Tuma]

All I'm saying, if you're gay, if you were gay in like the 1840s.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Luke Tuma]

You'd be bummed.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. You probably would be over.

[Luke Tuma]

You'd be so bummed.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

You couldn't get dogged out and like how you want.

[Mark Agnon]

You could do all. You just had to do Adidas, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

You couldn't get dogged out. You had to like make it about your trousers or something weird. It makes no sense. You had to live above a guy's store.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Also, I just searched that trousers line. Couldn't even find it on Google.

[Luke Tuma]

So maybe it's made up.

[Mark Agnon]

It might just be just. Just grock being like these guys are all gay.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Okay, we got to double check that. But Pierce and Hawthorne, they go way back to Bowdoin College in 1820. They're buddies. And Hawthorne stepped up big time when Pierce ran for president. 1852. He wrote Pierce's campaign biography, gushing. He has won my heart by the charm of his manner sounding starstruck. And then their friendship lasts decades. And it's the foundation for why some wonder that there was some type of. Some type of deeper connections of gay shit.

[Christos]

This sounds like another good friendship.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, it sounds like the boys.

[Mark Agnon]

So Pierce was a wreck after his 11 year old son had died in a train crash. Okay. Right before he took office, he wrote to a friend. How I shall be able to summon strength for my duty, I do not know. Showing how broken he was. Some say he leaned on Hawthorne during this mess.

[Luke Tuma]

Dude, I heard his wife was a. About that. I'm remembering this.

[Mark Agnon]

Really?

[Luke Tuma]

I think Pierce's wife was mean as hell to him. About.

[Christos]

She blamed him.

[Luke Tuma]

She like blamed him like we should have never been on that train.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, wow.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

So yeah, his wife Jane shut herself away in grief and basically just like kind of blamed him.

[Luke Tuma]

Yes.

[Mark Agnon]

And that's where that's.

[Luke Tuma]

He fell right into the arms of old mustache Nathaniel.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, exactly.

[Luke Tuma]

Seen it a thousand times. Times.

[Mark Agnon]

Exactly. Kid dies in a train crash.

[Luke Tuma]

Seen it a thousand times.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, it is. It's almost a stereotype.

[Luke Tuma]

One of my friends kids died. God forbid. Yeah, God forbid. Died in a train accident. I'd go, okay, you're gay. All right, so I'm kind of. You're going to do some kind of queer, I get it.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

But just know, it's a face.

[Mark Agnon]

So Pierce had Jane and three kids before the awful house accident. Hawthorne admired him, and afterwards Pierce made him the consul to Liverpool in 1853. And he says I owe him much gratitude for his kindness. And some people say, look, that's not a love note, okay?

[Luke Tuma]

No, it's not a love note.

[Mark Agnon]

Pierce's life was a spiral of booze and despair after his son's death. But nothing so far points to this romantic bond. And their bond was real, but not that kind.

[Luke Tuma]

Okay, you know what I think did happen? This is just. This is all speculation, but let's say your kid dies, right? Your wife's a shut in, you're drinking, you're booze and heavy. Your boy's there. Your boy's always there for you. Nathaniel Hawthorne.

[Mark Agnon]

Yep.

[Luke Tuma]

Who's might be a bit on the soft side. He's a writer. He's a writer.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Wrote the Scarlet Letter. Isn't that about like a cheating woman and you know, you should have empathy.

[Mark Agnon]

Adulterous woman.

[Luke Tuma]

Adulterous woman. Adulterer gets the A. You know, so this guy has empathy for women.

[Christos]

Yeah, pause, pause.

[Luke Tuma]

He's writing books like in their favor. Early feminine early male feminist activity. Pause A fudgeing. Yo. Yeah, now you're. But you're in dire straits. Your kid's dead. Your wife's a fucking bitch.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

What do you do?

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, sucks.

[Luke Tuma]

You're in a. You're sort of rocking a hard when you're blacked out.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

You're blacked out at your boy's house. Who's a little. Little light in the loafers. What happens? You wake up. Oh, Nathaniel was in my ass last night.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Nathaniel tore my open last night.

[Mark Agnon]

It's not his fault.

[Luke Tuma]

It's not even his. It's just more like a low.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

And maybe he got sober after that.

[Christos]

You're like, I thought I was going to get drunk, come over here. He's going to bake me a nice quiche.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Christos]

And then all of a sudden, next thing I know, his in my mouth.

[Luke Tuma]

Next thing I know. Dude, it's like. You ever watch the Lighthouse?

[Mark Agnon]

No. What is that?

[Christos]

Great movie.

[Luke Tuma]

Great movie.

[Christos]

Willem Defoe, Robert Pattinson.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. So they go crazy in a lighthouse, and then they're fighting and they're screaming and they're getting drunk, and at one point. And they go to kiss each other.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

And you go. And it's earned and it feels real. And I think that happened to Nathaniel Hawthorne and Franklin Pierce. I think that did happen. I'm watching that.

[Christos]

You can go so crazy that you just lose your mind.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Christos]

Become gay.

[Luke Tuma]

You could go so crazy that you have sex with your gay friend.

[Christos]

You do something psychotic.

[Luke Tuma]

Something like, something fucking crazy.

[Mark Agnon]

There's another thing also with Buchanan. So Buchanan is another one that I think ties in with Franklin Pierce.

[Luke Tuma]

They were banging each other.

[Mark Agnon]

It gets. It gets deep. Buchanan's is. Is interesting. Okay, so you. You guys know James Buchanan? All time great president.

[Luke Tuma]

I don't know a single thing.

[Mark Agnon]

I don't think I know anything.

[Luke Tuma]

I don't know a single thing. Buchanan.

[Mark Agnon]

The only thing people are gonna know about Buchanan, some people thought he was gay.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

But this guy lived with William Rufus King. King in a way that some people say went way beyond friendship. Okay, so Buchanan didn't marry, and he shared a home with William Rufus King, an Alabama Senator for over 10 years in Washington, D.C. they were close, and so close that people started to take notice. 1844, Andrew Jackson, who didn't like Buchanan, called him Miss Nancy.

[Luke Tuma]

Wow. Well, Jackson was a. Yeah, Jackson was a wild guy. He's definitely the type of. To be like, you're gay.

[Mark Agnon]

He called Buchanan Aunt Fancy. And that was shots, fire.

[Luke Tuma]

So Funny.

[Mark Agnon]

And it became, like, a name that, like, stuck around. Yeah. The two guys that live together.

[Luke Tuma]

Dude, that's like Trump Tier.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

That's like Sleepy Joe Fancy.

[Mark Agnon]

You know who Trump's favorite president is?

[Luke Tuma]

No way. Aj.

[Mark Agnon]

Aj.

[Luke Tuma]

Dude. I mean, aj, look at all.

[Mark Agnon]

You got to find the picture.

[Christos]

That's his favorite president.

[Mark Agnon]

Trump was like. He's like, yeah. A lot of people say I'm just like Andrew Jackson.

[Luke Tuma]

I can see the. The.

[Mark Agnon]

He loves him.

[Luke Tuma]

Well, they're both.

[Mark Agnon]

He's got a portrait in the. In the Oval Office. And yeah, he just, like, he signs all his docs hold. Where is he at? Oh, there you go.

[Luke Tuma]

Nice.

[Mark Agnon]

Just every time he's giving a speech, he's like, yeah, just got my boy over my shoulder. Also, Andrew Jackson is responsible for giving us Florida fun fact.

[Luke Tuma]

Yep.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, he, like, went in, I think.

[Christos]

Was it not Louis now, Louisiana purges Jefferson Thomas Jefferson, baby.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, okay.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. TJ locked it up.

[Christos]

1953.

[Mark Agnon]

He was tweeted he wasn't he in.

[Luke Tuma]

Louisiana and, like, grabbed it, like, maybe it was. I don't remember. But there was someone, I think a future president, like, bought it and then, like, went back to the White House. I don't know how you'd fact check this, but, like, he was over there and bought it because it was so cheap, but, like, there was no way of communicating stating that this is a good deal and we should do it, but he had the authority to do it and then just came back and did it and was like, by the way that happened.

[Mark Agnon]

And everyone's like, sick as hell.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, great. But it was like, the kind of thing that he didn't necessarily have a clearance from the president to do, but he kind of did it.

[Mark Agnon]

Well, that's what he did in Florida, basically. So I think he was like. I think he was the. What's the. The main guy in charge of the military. He's like the. The. The main general or some shit.

[Luke Tuma]

Attorney General. No.

[Mark Agnon]

Something like that. And basically was just like, yo, we got to go into Florida because these Seminoles are, like, killing our guys. And so just like, without really clearing it with the president at the time, AJ Just went in there, just like, I'll take that. Thank you very much.

[Luke Tuma]

Nice.

[Mark Agnon]

And just scoop the whole thing. And then Spain was like, bro, what the. You just killed a bunch of our guys, too. And he was like, look, we had to go and defend our people. It was a whole mess. Da, da, da, da. And that's why we got float.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, he was kind of like, Andrew Jackson, that's kind of like the Trump comparison. He kind of would just do. Yeah, he was just kind of do. It was very Forgiveness permission guy, you.

[Mark Agnon]

Know, he also has the sickest assassination attempt ever.

[Luke Tuma]

What is that?

[Mark Agnon]

Guy tried to shoot him, Brought out a gun, gun misfires. Oh, ditches the gun, has another gun.

[Luke Tuma]

Nice.

[Mark Agnon]

Also misfires. No, both of them jammed up, they say due to the humidity in D.C. at the time.

[Christos]

Damn.

[Mark Agnon]

And yeah, both the guns jam. And then he's like. They tackle the guy, and Andrew Jackson's like, un, un, un, unhold me, because I want to beat the out of this guy with my cane.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, yeah, yeah. He beats him up with his cane.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. And he's like, yo, this dude that rules. Yeah. So wild guy. But yeah, Buchanan, he was basically like, hey, we just live together, okay? So there's nothing. Nothing out of the norm. All right?

[Luke Tuma]

10 years is a long time to live with another man if you're a successful statesman. You know what I mean?

[Christos]

This is a game.

[Luke Tuma]

Did he have a wife and kids?

[Mark Agnon]

Buchanan did not.

[Luke Tuma]

He was a bachelor his whole life.

[Mark Agnon]

Can you double check that? I don't know if Buchanan married, but I don't at the time that they were together.

[Luke Tuma]

Think he was at his age. If he's in D.C. he's living with the same guy for 10 years.

[Mark Agnon]

That's a long time.

[Luke Tuma]

And I'm married. No wife, no kids.

[Mark Agnon]

I've not been with my. I've not lived with my wife for 10 years. Think about that. And I'm just one of the straightest guys, you know?

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, one of the straight. Well, actually, if we pull up grock.

[Christos]

He was engaged, but she died. He had several.

[Luke Tuma]

Go do gay.

[Mark Agnon]

He's the only US President.

[Christos]

It's never marry, never married, no kids.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, dude. I mean, that's us. So, like.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

What.

[Mark Agnon]

What.

[Luke Tuma]

What years was he?

[Mark Agnon]

The 1840s.

[Luke Tuma]

So, yeah, man. People got married, dude. Yeah, you got married, you had kids.

[Christos]

Yeah, that's extra gay for back. That's a good point.

[Luke Tuma]

That's double extra gay. I mean, also, what's triple extra gay is that, dude, I mean, the amount of, like, you have a kid, like you have a wife or, like, and she dies. Like, the turnaround rate on wives back then was like, next week, I'm there. I'm literally her sister Tamara.

[Mark Agnon]

He's also the President of the United States. Yeah, like, it wouldn't be hard to tell.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. Probably some, you know, grade A puss.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. So King, his roommate wrote to Buchanan 1844. I am selfish enough to hope you will not be able to procure an associate showing that he didn't want to share him. After King died in 1853, Buchanan wrote, I am now solitary and alone, having no companion in the house with me.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, he's a gay man. Super gay. Super gay guy.

[Christos]

Zesty as hell.

[Mark Agnon]

1800S, bro. People wrote letters to each other.

[Christos]

No, not companion man gay anymore. That's some Sam Smith dude.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, dude. Your roommate of 10 years dies and you're, like, weeping. You know what I mean? It's like, come on now.

[Christos]

Also, anybody I know, their roommate dies and they're throwing a party.

[Mark Agnon]

Honestly, a good point.

[Luke Tuma]

They're just posting on, you know, Facebook, Marketplace.

[Christos]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Apparently, after Buchanan dies, his niece acquires his estate and burns most of his.

[Christos]

Papers, which some drawings.

[Luke Tuma]

It'S just stick figure, sucking cock and just his. Me.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, he did write a letter to his. His fiance, Ann Coleman, in 1819 and said, you are all that my heart desires. Prior to her. Her untimely death.

[Christos]

That'd be the first time a man lied to a woman.

[Luke Tuma]

You're all my heart desires. Yeah, that's not even. See, I would never say some shit like that.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, right. You're straight.

[Luke Tuma]

I'm straight as hell. I'd never say some shit like that, bro.

[Mark Agnon]

So what do we think? James Buchanan.

[Christos]

Gay.

[Luke Tuma]

Gay for sure. Gay. 100% gay.

[Mark Agnon]

All right, we got another. We got a banger here.

[Christos]

Let's go.

[Mark Agnon]

John F. Kennedy.

[Luke Tuma]

No.

[Christos]

No way.

[Luke Tuma]

I'm just watching. Is that a joke?

[Mark Agnon]

Some people have said, some people have suspected. Okay?

[Luke Tuma]

He might have just put his in.

[Mark Agnon]

Anything that is possible. And this is where we have to have the by category. Okay, so despite his Catholic upbringing, Kennedy was inseparable from his friend Kirk Lemoine. Lem Billings. So Kirk Billings. The pair were inseparable. And. Can we just pull up a picture of JFK and. And Kirk Billings. They were inseparable, with Mr. Billings helping run Kennedy's presidential campaign and even served as an usher at his wedding and even getting his own bedroom at the White House.

[Luke Tuma]

House.

[Mark Agnon]

Although their relationship was considered platonic, author Jerry Oppenheimer claims that the pair had a friendship that included oral sex. According to Jerry Oppenheimer. Jack. Always on the receiving end.

[Luke Tuma]

Okay, well, I'm glad we cleared that up.

[Christos]

Yeah. He wasn't sexy.

[Luke Tuma]

Can you scroll down to the. Their picture?

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, we got. Yeah, hold on. Let's scroll down a little bit.

[Luke Tuma]

It's just a picture of Mark.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, no, you're more south than me.

[Luke Tuma]

You're South Florida, brother.

[Mark Agnon]

You're from South Florida. You're from South Florida.

[Luke Tuma]

You're from Miami.

[Mark Agnon]

I'm from Miami. Skirt.

[Christos]

Let's be clear. You guys are both part of the gay men's courses.

[Mark Agnon]

Can you pull up, go back and search a picture. There's one of them that's they're shirtless and it's just fire. Dude.

[Christos]

That one right there. Look at that.

[Mark Agnon]

That, yeah, look at on the left.

[Christos]

Left one left.

[Mark Agnon]

I mean that one is fire.

[Christos]

Tell me these guys are on at Fire island right now. Dude, that's taken Brighton, Provincetown, on the beach.

[Luke Tuma]

I don't know.

[Mark Agnon]

Go to the one on top left of the whole screen.

[Luke Tuma]

That one.

[Mark Agnon]

No, scroll, scroll. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, that one.

[Luke Tuma]

Nah, they're holding a puppy. Oh, that's sweet.

[Mark Agnon]

It is sweet. Young Jack Kennedy was a handsome guy.

[Luke Tuma]

He looks like Jimmy Neutron, dude. I don't think so.

[Christos]

Yugi Hower.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, yeah. So some people say. Yeah, some people say he was gay. In 1937, Billings wrote to JFK saying, I'm counting the days until we're together again, bro.

[Christos]

Gay.

[Luke Tuma]

Okay. We just kind of established something that might just, you know, it would be applicable to all. All like everything we're talking about now. Yeah, it is gay to write another man a letter no matter what you say in the letter. But didn't I wrote you and your family a thank you note? Let's start to be clear. Family, I wrote you and your family a thank you note.

[Mark Agnon]

That is true.

[Luke Tuma]

I wouldn't describe that as a letter.

[Christos]

Yeah, but it did start with my dearest Mark.

[Mark Agnon]

Yes, there was also jizz on my toilet seat again. Dude, what the hell?

[Luke Tuma]

I never goone or edged in your place. I'm just the moment I got to a hotel.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, dude, that's what hotels are for.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh my God. I'm rubbing my butt cheeks on the curtains.

[Christos]

Keep saying this thing about rubbing his butt cheeks. That's like a 10 times floss my.

[Luke Tuma]

Asshole with the curtains.

[Mark Agnon]

Jackie said in 1864. And look, this is just oral history. Yeah, she said in 1964. Lem was around a lot. He was a part of the family.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, I mean, honestly, dude, you know what it is? These guys crush puss together all the time.

[Christos]

You think that's what it is?

[Luke Tuma]

A hundred percent.

[Mark Agnon]

He helped him put it back in.

[Luke Tuma]

He helped to put it back in. Probably group sex. Probably like orgy type activity, which like poly, poly. You know what I mean?

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

So he's probably like a little gay, you know? What? I mean, you hold your boy's hand while he's in something else. Yeah, I think that's really on.

[Mark Agnon]

A lot of these are just pointing trains.

[Christos]

Yeah, they're just pointing at gay friends.

[Mark Agnon]

It's like a lot of these are like, yo, this guy's friend was gay. So duh. Yeah, it's like if that's what's making you gay.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. If you're really close to a gay guy all the time in like 1842. Fishy.

[Christos]

Yeah, fish, fishy.

[Luke Tuma]

Worthy of. Worthy of speculation. Gaydar.

[Mark Agnon]

Back then, the technology didn't exist.

[Luke Tuma]

They didn't have gay.

[Christos]

I'm undecided. These pictures are sus. For sure.

[Luke Tuma]

Dude, I'm telling you, dude, if you're in the Kennedys and you're in the Hamptons or like wherever the they would party. Nantucket. Dude. Dude, summering in Nantucket with your boy, just crushing puss. Crushing beers.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, I. There's a picture of me like this with any of my different friends, it'd be so.

[Luke Tuma]

Dude, how fun would it be?

[Christos]

Yeah, that's actually a great point, dude. If you got pictures of me and my friends, everybody's gonna think I'm gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm pretty touchy.

[Mark Agnon]

So that.

[Christos]

That's the evidence.

[Mark Agnon]

That's the evidence for gay. Then the evidence for straight is that he was banging out Marilyn Monroe.

[Luke Tuma]

He was definitely crushing her.

[Christos]

Judith Exner. Can we pull up juice? Exner.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, Exner. Judith.

[Luke Tuma]

I mean, have you seen pictures of Jackie Onassis? Not a looker, not a good looking woman.

[Mark Agnon]

It's so hard to tell. For the.

[Luke Tuma]

Have you seen the meme that she eats? Eats metal?

[Christos]

This is not helping his case.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, that's a dude. Okay, never mind. That's a good one.

[Christos]

She's a piece.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, never mind. A little bit.

[Mark Agnon]

They did her dirty with that.

[Luke Tuma]

Definitely would.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Wood, right?

[Luke Tuma]

I'm talking about. But yeah. Oh, my goodness. She's beautiful.

[Christos]

Yeah, she's hot.

[Luke Tuma]

She's stunning.

[Mark Agnon]

Dude. My all time favorite, like old school babe. Hedy Lamar.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, classic.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, my God.

[Luke Tuma]

I mean, this transistor something radio.

[Mark Agnon]

She invented WI fi or some.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, she invented WI fi probably.

[Mark Agnon]

But like, even for the time, like, even for now, like if you saw this girl walking in Soho, now he'd.

[Christos]

Be like, God damn, babe.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, and that's like, no. No surgery, no. No makeup even.

[Christos]

Let me pull up Sophia Loren, please.

[Luke Tuma]

Old school Sophia Loren.

[Mark Agnon]

Is this from the 90s?

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, Sophia Lorenzo. No, no, no, no, no. I'm thinking of oh, young.

[Christos]

Oh, click that first picture, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, she's a piece, bruh.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christos]

Come on.

[Mark Agnon]

And what. What year is this?

[Luke Tuma]

It looks like the 60s or 70s.

[Mark Agnon]

Whoa.

[Christos]

She looks like the chick from Water Boy.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, I love that girl.

[Christos]

She's hot as hell. Creepy hot.

[Mark Agnon]

She's born in 1934. You're gonna get a picture of her now.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Is she dead?

[Mark Agnon]

Apparently she's still alive.

[Luke Tuma]

It didn't have a 90.

[Mark Agnon]

It didn't have an end date. So the question remains, you know, how prime of piece.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, she got up.

[Mark Agnon]

So the question is, would you.

[Christos]

That's not bad, actually, for 90.

[Mark Agnon]

Take 90. Take down now. With all due respect, take down now. Just as a legendary callback, just be.

[Luke Tuma]

Like, yo, it's not even legendary enough, dude. People are bang. Sophia Loren. And people like, who. Who's that?

[Mark Agnon]

But you show them a picture, be like, this girl. And they'd be like, whoa.

[Luke Tuma]

You know, I love. Is that. What's her name? She's like, got huge jugs. She's like 80. Who? Saran Sarandon.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, Susan Sarandon.

[Luke Tuma]

I would dog out Susan Sarandon right now. She's so hot.

[Christos]

Is a baby.

[Luke Tuma]

She's like 80. She's legit like 80. Helen Mirren still probably would.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, let's.

[Christos]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

And she's got hogs. Hogs on her.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

She's got monsters. Monsters.

[Mark Agnon]

I mean. Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. She might be 72 there, but still. Enhance.

[Christos]

Good neck, though. Your neck gets old. That's a pretty young neck.

[Mark Agnon]

Look at that.

[Christos]

That's a youthful neck.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, she's got a glow now.

[Mark Agnon]

The whole thing's holding together.

[Luke Tuma]

She was the. With the guy from Shawshank forever.

[Christos]

Tim Robbins.

[Luke Tuma]

Tim Robbins. They never got married, but they've been together forever.

[Christos]

Really?

[Mark Agnon]

All right, how about lbj? What's up, guys? We're gonna take a break really quick because I'm sitting here in my beautiful tent, as you can see, every week, day in, day out, and people always ask, they say, mark, how do I have a tent like that? I want to. I want to sit in a beautiful tent and invite a lover, a friend, you know, someone that I appreciate and adore. I want to give them a good time inside my tent. Well, it's easy, thanks to the good folks [e-mail]. that's right. Bluechew is the original OG brand, offering chewable tablets. And what do these tablets do? Oh, I'm glad you asked. They are going to give you the just in a stronger, harder, and Longer lasting sexual performance. Performance. That's right. They're going to help you pitch a tent, any place, anywhere. And the best part, it's all done online. That means you don't have to go to a doctor's office and talk to them. Be like, oh, I'm feeling some type of way. Look, this is not for people that are lacking necessarily. This is for people that want to have the best experience of their life, whether it's Valentine's Day, birthday, a funeral, who knows, whenever you need it. You never know when. When you could use bluechew. And we have a special deal for the listeners of this program. That's right. Try your first month of BlueChew for free. That's right. Completely free. Mark, is it gonna work for me? Is this, hey, it's free. Why not just try it? Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring this podcast. All right, now let's get after it and let's get back to the show.

[Luke Tuma]

Dude, he loved to show his to everyone. Really?

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Before we get to LBJ's JFK, we're saying.

[Christos]

Is that why we call it a JFK?

[Luke Tuma]

JFK, I'm saying is JFK is straight. No, JFK is.

[Mark Agnon]

I think he's Diddy straight.

[Luke Tuma]

He's Diddy straight. He gets so horny.

[Mark Agnon]

Like Diddy just everyone.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, I think he gets so horny.

[Christos]

You r Justin Bieber, you don't get to be straight. You don't get to say you're straight. You Justin Bieber, you can't just.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, you're actually right. Diddy straight.

[Mark Agnon]

Default is straight.

[Christos]

If you rap Justin Bieber, you raped Meek Mill or fucked him, essentially.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, that's fair. Okay. That's fair. I'm not going to put Diddy straight on him.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, I'm not going to put Diddy straight on him. I also wouldn't put straight on Diddy, but that's what I'm saying. I would say prolific rape, they would.

[Mark Agnon]

Just say, no Diddy. That's a good point.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. But this is where I think he got so horny sometimes in like freaky group sex shit that he would like fucking throw a cock in his mouth every now and again. But he preferred pussy, I think.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Fucking trunk of cock. I can't do a good job.

[Christos]

Sexual.

[Luke Tuma]

So, like bisexual. But I would almost say, like, he was just down to clown. Like, I wouldn't even think. You know what I mean? Like, he probably had A. He would have a girlfriend, have a wife, you know, he would never like marry a man, date a man. But he'd get freaky.

[Mark Agnon]

But he would do these things.

[Luke Tuma]

He was just on freak mode.

[Mark Agnon]

Not because of.

[Luke Tuma]

Was easy, because it was had.

[Christos]

Because it was had.

[Luke Tuma]

JFK's freak offs.

[Mark Agnon]

Have you heard these stories where he's in Cuba?

[Luke Tuma]

Is he having free coughs?

[Mark Agnon]

He's apparently they. He has like a threesome in Cuba when Cuba was like Las Vegas and it's like open and like things are fire and it gets like recorded or like they have like photographs or some.

[Luke Tuma]

Wow.

[Mark Agnon]

And this is when he was just like a young senator.

[Luke Tuma]

Is it devils?

[Mark Agnon]

What. What is that?

[Luke Tuma]

Devil's threesome. Two guys?

[Mark Agnon]

No, I think it was a Minaj fire.

[Christos]

Nice fire.

[Luke Tuma]

Very cool.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

So like in Havana, back in the bro, it must have been pieces sipping some daiquiri at the casino. Sick ass in Havana. Was it Batista was or did he overthrow the. I think Batista was the one America liked.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

And then.

[Mark Agnon]

And then Fidel came in.

[Luke Tuma]

Fidel came in. I could be wrong about that.

[Mark Agnon]

Pull up on a. With a little coupe.

[Luke Tuma]

I don't know.

[Mark Agnon]

I think you're correct.

[Christos]

Fidel was a real r. Rascal.

[Luke Tuma]

Fidel could have played for the Mets.

[Mark Agnon]

No.

[Luke Tuma]

Really? Yeah, Fidel tried out for the Mets.

[Mark Agnon]

That's pretty sick.

[Luke Tuma]

What? Yeah, he. He tried out for the Mets and didn't make it and then ended up throwing the government. That was his sort of B plan. Literally a plan was throw strikes. Yeah, Castro, he's in a Mets uniform.

[Mark Agnon]

That's sick.

[Luke Tuma]

He played like spring training for the Mets.

[Mark Agnon]

Criso, is you there. We should pull that up. The. The Fidel.

[Luke Tuma]

There's a picture of him, I swear to God, in like Mets gear.

[Mark Agnon]

I mean, that's.

[Luke Tuma]

How fire would that be though? Fidel was nasty, bro. Dude, I went and saw Fidel and Queen. Oh, look at him right there.

[Mark Agnon]

Whoa. I mean, that's wild. Oh, he even threw it old school. I love.

[Luke Tuma]

He was a pitcher, I think.

[Christos]

Look at that. Oh, he looks great.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. And then check that out.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, with the Gogs.

[Luke Tuma]

With the Gogs on. Dude with the. Eric Gagne, sick as hell.

[Christos]

I think I'm a Fidel guy. I think I like Fidel.

[Luke Tuma]

No, Fidel is pretty cool. You know what I mean? It's just aesthetically, maybe you don't agree with his, you know, communist authoritarian politics, but he could throw a nasty heater.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, he's also like, unfortunately an all time winner. You know what I Mean, like, whatever you say about him. Like, the CIA tried to kill him a million different ways.

[Luke Tuma]

They're putting poison in his cigars. Yeah. There are explosives, right? Was it an explosive?

[Mark Agnon]

Everything. They did everything. Like, literally, like, there's a whole. They. They hired the mob to try to kill Fidel.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, for sure.

[Mark Agnon]

It's like they hired two Sam G. And Kana and Johnny Roselli. Two, like, famous Italian mob guys from Chicago. Yeah, the Buffalo goons. And they hired him to go down there and try to kill him.

[Christos]

We had a mobster, Stefano Magadino, that was a Buffalo mobster.

[Mark Agnon]

Really? Is he still. Still active?

[Christos]

No, no, he's dead now. He's one of Capone's guys.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, really?

[Christos]

Stefano Megadino?

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Stefano Megadino.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

But yeah, they try. They try to get Fidel. There's a story from. From a woman that was hired as, like, a honey pot to get Fidel.

[Luke Tuma]

And then she just like them, Right.

[Mark Agnon]

Look at that. Literally. Oh, hell yeah. But yeah, this woman goes down to Cuba, seduces him. And what she has to do is she has to put a bro. She has to put a cyanide in, like, his, like, pill. Like a cyanide pill in his drink or something.

[Luke Tuma]

Or something.

[Mark Agnon]

And the cyanide pill, like, melts. And then she, like, can't do it. She doesn't want to get on her hand. And she's like, oh. She comes out of the bathroom. Fidel's like, so you're going to kill me, huh?

[Luke Tuma]

Whoa. Badass.

[Mark Agnon]

And he's just sitting there, spread eagle, just on the bed, just full.

[Luke Tuma]

Just busted in her this before.

[Mark Agnon]

And he goes, you're going to kill me. And she goes, yeah. Pulls out a gun, throws it on the bed, goes, do it.

[Luke Tuma]

Whoa.

[Mark Agnon]

This is. This is the story. This is the story she told. And sick. He goes, go ahead, do it. I'm right here, dude.

[Christos]

I'm a Fidel guy.

[Mark Agnon]

And she, like, grabs the gun and she's like. And then just starts crying, puts the gun down. And then they.

[Luke Tuma]

Dude, badass. What about Trudo? That's. That's Fidel's kid.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, that's what the. That's what the record says.

[Luke Tuma]

He kind of looks like him.

[Mark Agnon]

No, he looks extremely, like, fitting image.

[Luke Tuma]

And they. They were doing. They were partying in Cuba.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, his parents were partying. Trudo's mom was down there.

[Christos]

Trudo.

[Luke Tuma]

Do you think he put on brown face to look like Daddy? I just like, daddy. And they're like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm Aladdin.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. I'm a baseball player for the Mets.

[Luke Tuma]

Know.

[Mark Agnon]

I'm. Yeah. I mean, he looks a lot like.

[Luke Tuma]

He does kind of look. Oh, dude, he looks so Cuban in that one.

[Christos]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

He's a mustache away from just being.

[Christos]

Dominican where he's got the goatee going.

[Luke Tuma]

That's crazy, bro. He looks like Pedro Pascal.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christos]

Cuban queer.

[Luke Tuma]

Hey, easy. Whoa. That's probably where he got the idea to.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Freeze bank accounts.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. He just hates the truckers, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

He hates truckers. Truckers, man.

[Mark Agnon]

Even though his dad looks like a trucker dude. Yeah, his dad's an all time trucker.

[Christos]

He really does.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Dude, he looks so much like him, bro. I feel like Paul Dano could play. Fidelity kind of looks like a Paul Dano.

[Christos]

Paul Dano rips.

[Luke Tuma]

I Love Paul Dano.

[Mark Agnon]

LBJ, 37th president, United States, 63 to 69. And he dodged a bunch of scandals. But his close personal friend and de facto chief of staff, Walter Jenkins, was outed as gay. 1964, President elect Jenkins was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct with another man in a public YMCA restroom in Washington, D.C.

[Luke Tuma]

It'S fun to stay at the.

[Mark Agnon]

Forcing him to resign. His political career was over. Johnson insisted that he had no idea about Jackson's personal life, saying, I couldn't have been more shocked to hear about Walter Jenkins if I heard that Ladybird had tried to kill the Pope.

[Luke Tuma]

That's his dog. Lady Bird's dog, right?

[Mark Agnon]

I think so, yeah. Opponents had made a lot of mileage out of the suggested innuendo with a bunch of bumper stickers at the time saying, all the way with LBJ, but don't go near the YMCA bars.

[Luke Tuma]

Bumper stickers were too long in 1960.

[Mark Agnon]

Cars were bigger.

[Luke Tuma]

It wasn't picky cars.

[Christos]

Good point.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. These had a long.

[Christos]

You got room on back of your Lincoln for that. Room for a mouthful on the back of the Buick.

[Luke Tuma]

Yo. Pause.

[Mark Agnon]

But. But, yeah, but Jenkins was gay. He was sucking off a guy in the YMCA bathroom.

[Luke Tuma]

So funny.

[Mark Agnon]

And. But he had been friends with Johnson for decades, handling his schedules, secrets, everything.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

And yeah, Johnson was like, dude, I don't know anything, but maybe this.

[Luke Tuma]

This is like another just complete speculation. That's a good guy to have. Is like, you're a guy with secrets.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. No, it's like, you have the biggest.

[Luke Tuma]

Perfect guy to have. Like, well, that's why I tell Luke everything. Because huge secret that I don't want to dis. Close.

[Mark Agnon]

Speaking of Italian mob guys. You know, the mob opened up all the gay bars in New York.

[Christos]

Well, it's just good business.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Apparently I shouldn't say all, but they open up some gay bars in New York.

[Christos]

These for nooks you can spend money.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, these. These creative guys, you know, and they end up going to gay bars like, you know, cops or, like, a local politician. And then the mob is like, oh, we saw that you were at a. This gay bar. And the cop is like, how do you know that? And he's like, well, we own it.

[Luke Tuma]

Well, we own it.

[Christos]

We know it's, like, profit from the largely unregulated gay nightlife scene at the time.

[Luke Tuma]

Largely unregulated?

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Fat Tony's Cafe.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, they own the Stonewall Inn.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Wow.

[Mark Agnon]

I guess.

[Christos]

Look at that.

[Luke Tuma]

Wait, so Stonewall. I don't. The only thing I know about Stonewall is that cops raided it and then they fought him off. Yeah, that's the whole thing.

[Mark Agnon]

They threw a brick or something and that. That's. Yeah, I think they, like, won. Like.

[Luke Tuma]

They won, like, an altercation with the.

[Mark Agnon]

Cops, like, the Alamo.

[Luke Tuma]

So the mob wasn't involved in that, were they?

[Mark Agnon]

I don't believe so.

[Luke Tuma]

Okay. I was just curious.

[Christos]

I think it was more of a misunderstanding. What was the Stonewall thing?

[Mark Agnon]

That was a drag queen's name misunderstanding. She was there, like. But, yeah, apparently it was like the Alamo. The cops came in, they defended it, and they became, like, a bastion of. Of king rights.

[Luke Tuma]

Well, maybe not the Alamo. The, like, type.

[Mark Agnon]

Right?

[Luke Tuma]

I mean, got up.

[Mark Agnon]

Well, the Mexicans held him off for a little.

[Christos]

Remember the Alamo?

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, but they got. The people at the Alamo. Got up. That was the whole thing. They got like. It was like they shouldn't have stayed. There was like, one versus a million.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, but the Mexicans won.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, the Mexicans won.

[Christos]

Don't take away the gay Alamo.

[Luke Tuma]

No, I'm saying. No, no, no. I'm saying the Alamos were. They won at Stonewall. They did not win at the Alamo.

[Mark Agnon]

I think the Mexican. Mexicans, like, like, fought them off and, like, won. And then they eventually later got. Got conquered. But, like, for, like, a little window of time, I think. I mean, yeah, they had.

[Luke Tuma]

They held off Mexicans for a while, but they got owned. I think you're supposed to, like, remember. Maybe I'm remembering the Alamo incorrectly, but in my head was, like, there was, like, six dudes and, like, 6 million Mexicans.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, I thought it was the other way around.

[Luke Tuma]

No, there Was like they were way outnumbered by Mexicans. That's why it was so brave.

[Christos]

Oh.

[Luke Tuma]

And they were holding down the Alamos the fort. And then the Mexicans totally overtook it. But like they did surprisingly well for how few of Americans there were at the Al.

[Christos]

Six American guys and like 2,000 Mexicans pull up on BMX bikes.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

One van come out.

[Luke Tuma]

It's a six foot wall. They need to like. It's a six foot wall. It takes them 12 years to climb it.

[Mark Agnon]

Just six guys with a hammer.

[Christos]

Just like just 20 guys in a U haul.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, I think that's right. I don't know. Maybe I'm Someone's in the comments mad at me and I'm sorry if I misremembered the Alamo.

[Mark Agnon]

My ye in the comments.

[Luke Tuma]

Kristoff get can give a. Kristoff's gay and he doesn't know the album.

[Christos]

Kristoff gay Krist chat.

[Luke Tuma]

But we talk about lbj.

[Mark Agnon]

Lbj. He says, I can't imagine life without him. When a reporter had asked about Jenkins homosexual friend.

[Luke Tuma]

That sounds like a good friend. Dude, if you dude a gay guy to keep your secrets.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

So fire.

[Mark Agnon]

Who's better to gossip? Your theory.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. 1964, he told a friend. This is a hell of a mess. I've lost my best man.

[Christos]

Best man.

[Mark Agnon]

Probably.

[Luke Tuma]

They're boys, I think. Well, LBJ used to like a pool's out.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Infamously loved. And he had a huge dick.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Christos]

Is that why they call it a Johnson?

[Luke Tuma]

It might be.

[Mark Agnon]

That's.

[Luke Tuma]

That is a good question.

[Mark Agnon]

That's a great question. Apparently LBJ called his penis jumbo. Yeah. And he would not. He would not zip up his pants and then ask colleagues if they had ever seen anything as big as his penis.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Christos]

That's awesome.

[Luke Tuma]

He had a monster hog. Another thing he did. Dude, there's a recording of him asking for bigger pants.

[Mark Agnon]

No.

[Luke Tuma]

Have you heard about this? He's like calling and he's like kind of joking and bragging. He's like, dude, honestly, these pants like my too big for them.

[Mark Agnon]

I just found. It's a quote. He says, and another thing, the crotch down where your nuts hang. It's always a little too tight.

[Christos]

Yeah, dude, he had a monster penis. He looks like a guy with a big pretty. Wait, I go gorge. He's also his penis gorged.

[Luke Tuma]

It was gorgeous.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Christos]

So he was just off and that. He pretty much reduced much of his presidency to a literal dick measuring contest.

[Mark Agnon]

Sick.

[Christos]

Let's not stand too close to people to amplify his size. Big personality, curse like a sailor, dirty jokes, whipped his cock out. This guy rules.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, he sounds awesome.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, he killed Kennedy. I think he.

[Luke Tuma]

You think so?

[Mark Agnon]

No, I don't think so.

[Luke Tuma]

No. That was the CIA and the mob.

[Christos]

I knew a black dude in college who whip his john cock out all the time in the common area of the dorm.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh yeah, There was a kid in my high school did that.

[Christos]

Yeah, but guys are big dicks. Whip them out.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Oh yeah. Well, if it's big on soft. Yeah, yeah.

[Christos]

If it's big on soft, he's crazy.

[Luke Tuma]

I have a big soft penis. Really? Yeah, and a really small hard penis.

[Mark Agnon]

You're a shrinker, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

I am? Yeah. Some people show as gross. I'm a shrinker, you know.

[Mark Agnon]

Really?

[Luke Tuma]

Dude. I have like a 4 inch penis. Soft. And then it gets hard and just goes from here to here. It just changes angles.

[Mark Agnon]

That. There's no way.

[Luke Tuma]

I swear to God.

[Christos]

That's crazy.

[Mark Agnon]

That's sick as hell.

[Christos]

Mine is like a queer Eye for the straight guy level. Glow up, dude.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh ye. Same dude. I'll get out of a cold shower and be like. I. No one can see me like this.

[Luke Tuma]

No, I'll get out of a warm shower and be like, dude, I have like a string bean down there. And then it gets hard. I swear it goes just from night, you know, from 180 to 90.

[Christos]

Lifts up.

[Luke Tuma]

It just. Yeah, it just changes directions.

[Christos]

That's crazy.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, it's small hard.

[Mark Agnon]

Hits the big soft, small hard. Did you got a Nazi, bro?

[Christos]

Yeah, you do.

[Luke Tuma]

Wait, why?

[Mark Agnon]

You could just Hiles.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christos]

If I'm in a bad situation. Dude, I'm wearing spandex. I'm in the cold. My. Looks like. Why are you wearing dam when I'm cycling? Obviously, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

He cycles in like full. Have you heard this?

[Christos]

Mark is very supportive of my cycling.

[Mark Agnon]

Genuinely supportive.

[Luke Tuma]

But I mean he's one of the top 12 gay podcasters.

[Mark Agnon]

But yeah, we are doing cycling camps.

[Luke Tuma]

Cycling camp.

[Christos]

Cycling rules.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, it is a tough look. It is. You have to do a whole outfit for it. Like it's one of the few sports.

[Luke Tuma]

Some gym shorts, bro.

[Christos]

Dude, you're not aerodynamic. Dude, you're gonna change. You don't even know.

[Luke Tuma]

This is so funny, dude. He wants to go two miles an hour faster so he has to dress like he's on the Jamaican bobsled team. He's just trying to feel the rhythm. I'm wearing my tiny.

[Christos]

It's time.

[Luke Tuma]

Is John Candy standing beside you while.

[Mark Agnon]

You My brother got in a fight with a cyclist in his clippy cloppy shoes.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. No good.

[Christos]

Your brother cycles, though.

[Mark Agnon]

My brother loves to cycle, but he, like, was. He was with the cycle, and the cycler was, like, trying to take the road. My brother's honking at him. They get to a red light. Cycler gets off his bike, unclips, unclips, and then literally just, like, gets up to the window. He's like, dude, what the. And then, like, he's like, you want to fight me? My brother's like, you're wearing.

[Luke Tuma]

You're wearing. Yeah. You got your taps on.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. It's insane, but, like, you can't fight someone in tap shoes. Yeah.

[Christos]

No.

[Luke Tuma]

You can't have sex with a woman if you wear that kind of stuff, right?

[Christos]

Whoa.

[Mark Agnon]

Evidently. Evidently.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, Jumbo. I want to hear more about Jumbo.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, dude, Jumbo is. Is insane calling you gay.

[Luke Tuma]

I'm like, describe his penis more in detail.

[Mark Agnon]

In detail.

[Luke Tuma]

Put a pin on you being gay. Describe the penis, please.

[Mark Agnon]

Johnson once urinated on a Secret Service agent's leg while the agent was giving him cover. The president told him. He says, don't worry, my son. It's my prerogative.

[Luke Tuma]

Wait, so, okay, giving him cover? Like, was he getting, like, shot at or something?

[Mark Agnon]

I don't know.

[Luke Tuma]

There was no LBJ assassination attempt.

[Christos]

I think he was doing his job. The guy was just doing his job.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, I'm assuming him.

[Christos]

And he pissed on his leg. That's fucked up.

[Mark Agnon]

Insane. Apparently, he loved to conduct his meetings while sitting on the toilet or urinating in a sink.

[Luke Tuma]

He's a sink pisser.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

You're a sink pisser, Mark?

[Mark Agnon]

On occasion, yeah.

[Christos]

What is with this pissing in the sink thing?

[Mark Agnon]

At my home? Only in my home. Okay.

[Luke Tuma]

That's your sink. That's worse.

[Christos]

Let me ask you.

[Mark Agnon]

Don't tell my wife.

[Christos]

I don't understand the allure.

[Mark Agnon]

It's just that I don't have to. Like, the sink is at different.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Problem?

[Luke Tuma]

Well, it's about 6 inches higher than where you're standing.

[Christos]

I can't even.

[Luke Tuma]

This is how. This is how Luke washes his hands? Just washing up.

[Christos]

I can't even.

[Mark Agnon]

One drop of water. He's like a little mouse goes near a gutter in a rainstorm.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, I'm done. I think Luke took a shower.

[Christos]

Bribe. Marfan syndrome. This is how you're gonna treat me?

[Mark Agnon]

Well, do this.

[Christos]

I can't even. You know what's up? You're not wrong. I mean, look, I'M you. More than one dropping water. I'm a mouse.

[Mark Agnon]

Can you do the sound of Luke doing a cannonball into a pool?

[Christos]

I'm.

[Luke Tuma]

You have a little booster.

[Christos]

I don't have a booster. They can't see.

[Mark Agnon]

Dude, look at me.

[Christos]

I'm towering over.

[Luke Tuma]

You're sitting on, like, a. A Cut to the up.

[Mark Agnon]

We have an upskirt cam.

[Luke Tuma]

We do have an upskirt cam.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Yeah. I have another fun little presidential anecdote. So during the presidential campaign of 18. 1800, Thomas Jefferson. This is in line with LBJ just being an insane person, but Thomas Jefferson accused John Adams of having, quote, hideous, hermaphroditical character, which is. Which has neither the force and firmness of a man nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman.

[Luke Tuma]

So that's. Who said that about John Adams?

[Mark Agnon]

Thomas Jefferson.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, but John Adams was like a. Yeah, he was like a dork. John Adams was like, dorkor. Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

I didn't know that.

[Luke Tuma]

He was a dweeb.

[Christos]

And also, you got a transition. Like, that's Jefferson saying, you want some? Funny.

[Luke Tuma]

I. I think he's saying, like, bro, you're such a. You're not even good enough to be an actual yo.

[Mark Agnon]

That's really what he's saying. He's like, you're not a man or woman.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, you're like, neither. Like, you kind of just like, you're a dickless man and, like. But you're not even, like, a pleasant woman.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, Yeah, I think that's.

[Luke Tuma]

I mean, I think he's dunking on him because everyone hated John. John Adams, if I remember correctly. Really? People did not like John Adams.

[Mark Agnon]

I've never heard that before.

[Christos]

Was he just, like, petty?

[Luke Tuma]

I don't know if he was petty, but I'm trying to remember stuff about why they would hate him. But I think I've just always heard he was kind of, like, by the books kind of pencil nerd. I was, like, trying to kind of do the. Like. He was kind of like a Carter type, you know?

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, I'm pretty sure John Adams represented the British after the Boston Massacre.

[Luke Tuma]

Sounds right.

[Mark Agnon]

And he was like, they are entitled to duplicate process.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Or something like that.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, it was stuff like that where they cared about, like, just doing things the right way, even if it was like. Or, like, by the book's way. Even if it was, like, kind of illogical or immoral in that specific context. He wasn't, like, gonna bend on those things. He's like, no, the rules are the rules.

[Christos]

I hate people, like, that.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mark Agnon]

That guy sounds awesome.

[Luke Tuma]

Okay. Just kind of dork. He was kind of dork.

[Mark Agnon]

Sounds like he was good moral character.

[Luke Tuma]

And such, like integrity. That was fucking annoying.

[Mark Agnon]

It sounds like it was a follower. Upstanding and good guy.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, for sure.

[Mark Agnon]

I got another one. This is not necessarily a president per se. Okay.

[Luke Tuma]

Luke Tuma, President of the gmcfs. What was it?

[Mark Agnon]

I'm not you guys.

[Christos]

That's.

[Luke Tuma]

What's so weird is that you made the trek down.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, yeah, that is a good point.

[Luke Tuma]

You became Buffalo and you moved down to Florida. Remember that?

[Christos]

I was a missionary. I was trying to make you guys holy, right?

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, more like something else.

[Mark Agnon]

Anyway, Alexander Hamilton never became president, but some people did say that he was gay as well as his affairs with women. Doubt has been cast over his relationships with men. Now this again, this comes from PinkNews.com okay. During the American Revolution, his letters to his friend John Laris and Marques de Lafayette grew more affectionate and flattering. I always pronounce it wrong. Marquis de Lafayette.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, I literally.

[Mark Agnon]

I look at, I see that name. I just think of the dude from Hamilton. This guy has a black guy. In my mind, I see Marquez. Yeah, literally. That's why I call him Marquez.

[Luke Tuma]

He's Marquis Marquez, the Lafayette. It's like his title is Mar.

[Mark Agnon]

I thought he was Haitian. Mar. He's not Haitian.

[Luke Tuma]

No, he's just a white guy.

[Christos]

That's a. That's a Haitian ass name.

[Luke Tuma]

Marquez de Lafayette.

[Christos]

Yeah, that's a Haitian name.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. I went to school with Marquez de Lafayette.

[Mark Agnon]

That's like a. Like a Broward running back or something.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, yeah. You started running back in my high school.

[Mark Agnon]

Gotta be. Many accounts describe Hamilton as feminine. In one letter, Hamilton describes himself as a jealous lover over Lauren's failing to reply, adding, like a jealous lover. When I thought you slighted my caresses, my affection was alarmed and my vanity peaked.

[Christos]

Whoa.

[Mark Agnon]

He wrote in another letter after the departure of Lawrence. I wish, my dear Lawrence, it might be in my power by action rather than words to convince you that I love you. I shall only tell you that till you bait us. Ado.

[Christos]

I mean, this is an out of the closet homosexual.

[Mark Agnon]

Really?

[Luke Tuma]

I disagree.

[Mark Agnon]

I hardly knew the value had taught my heart set upon you, bro.

[Luke Tuma]

I don't know. He said like a jealous lover though, right? Like kind of a tip off that it's not.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Hey, I'm using a metaphor.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. I'm just metaphorically saying like a jealous lover. Like you ever get into like a fight with a real Close friend. And you're like, what are we, my girlfriend? Like, you get to that point where you're like, you're bickering with, like, a close friend.

[Christos]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, so you start.

[Luke Tuma]

You're like. Then you're like, okay, we're both dudes. Let's stop doing. This is gay. Yo. And that's kind of what he's getting at. He's like. I'm like, dude, you're making me feel like a jealous lover. Dude, what's your problem?

[Mark Agnon]

This could be a nail in the coffin right here. He said again in the same letter, you should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal my affections without my consent.

[Christos]

He got. Oh, this is. I'm sorry I called him gay. This is a rape victim.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we're taking this back. But wait, he said at the beginning of that same letter. Is this a different letter?

[Mark Agnon]

I think that was a. Same order.

[Luke Tuma]

He said like a jealous lover. And then by the end, he goes, you took advantage of me.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. You took, like, you. You took advantage of my. You stole my affections.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, maybe he got his affection stole. Pause. And then. And he. And then he was like. Now he feels, like attachment to the guy.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

And he feels, like, bad about it.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Do you know. You know what I'm saying?

[Christos]

Stockholm syndrome.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. And could be.

[Mark Agnon]

I don't think that's gay. I think.

[Luke Tuma]

No, I don't think that's gay.

[Christos]

I think he got R for sure.

[Mark Agnon]

But something. Something sketchy might.

[Luke Tuma]

Well, that's 100%. That's.

[Mark Agnon]

Something sketchy might happen.

[Christos]

He definitely got right. But that doesn't make you here. I mean, someone you know.

[Luke Tuma]

No, I think he, like. I think it sounds like he got kind of backstabbed by this close friend of his. Pause and then. Backstabbed is funny. He got backstabbed.

[Christos]

Are you let another man stab you in the back?

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Is. Is Luigi Mangione. Is he gay?

[Luke Tuma]

No. What happened to Luigi Mangione is that he had back surgery that made his cock not get hard. And he went in cell mode, but he was too hot to be incel mode, so he's decided to take ayahuasca in Hawaii and then lost his mind and got really mad at health insurance company because of his back surgery stuff. Even though he had money and he was like, yeah, it was still a pain in the ass for him, like, because of the insurance companies. No pun intended. And he just shot the guy in the back because he went crazy taking mushrooms.

[Christos]

I also think it wasn't that he couldn't dick hard, is that he just couldn't. He couldn't stroke, dude.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, I mean, yeah, the back is so integral to the stroke, I think.

[Christos]

Yeah, he couldn't stroke. And. And if you're also. If the lady's on top, that's still pressure on the lower.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, it's probably, you know, maybe it aggravates some kind of, like, lower spine type.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

What's that called where it goes down your leg?

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Christos]

Sciatica.

[Luke Tuma]

Sciatica. Sciatica. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Surf induced sciatica.

[Christos]

He should have done it. Like, you ever see when, like, black dudes are getting twerked down and the friends hold him? You should have gotten dagger.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, you should have got dagger. Dance. Jamaican.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, it could have fixed his back or something.

[Luke Tuma]

Like.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, crack something back in place. Yeah, but is that the first killer from Ayahuasca?

[Luke Tuma]

No, I don't think so. Not. Maybe not ayahuasca specifically, but like psychedelic, deranged, like. I mean, that's. Yeah, that's Mankins. Yeah. I mean, they were definitely like, you know, slamming mushrooms and throwing babies down the well.

[Christos]

Anybody, though, so put some perspective on Manson, dude.

[Mark Agnon]

Are you a man?

[Luke Tuma]

Lawyer.

[Christos]

Well, he didn't kill anybody.

[Mark Agnon]

Are you Manson Pill.

[Christos]

Stop lying on my man's name.

[Mark Agnon]

That's crazy.

[Luke Tuma]

My boy Charlie.

[Mark Agnon]

Dude, speaking of Fidel, did you know Manson auditioned to be in the Monkeys? The band.

[Luke Tuma]

Makes sense. Have you listened to his music? No, it's not bad. No, I know your game, girl. Pretty good song.

[Mark Agnon]

Can we pull that up?

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, I don't know if it's gonna be copyrighted, though.

[Mark Agnon]

I mean, just for us, though. Yeah, just for the vibe.

[Luke Tuma]

I think it's about know your game or something like that.

[Mark Agnon]

The. I mean, yeah, we can pull this up, but hell yeah. Charles Manson's audition for the Monkeys. Nope. Says definitely fake, but I don't care.

[Luke Tuma]

Well, we don't. This is a misinformation. Hey, where the Monkeys?

[Mark Agnon]

This is an urban legend. I'm sorry for misleading the audience.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, he was in jail at the time that he might have been auditioning.

[Christos]

He's a good singer.

[Luke Tuma]

He's got a pretty good voice. He's. I like the vibrato.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, it's not terrible.

[Luke Tuma]

It's not bad.

[Mark Agnon]

There's kind of like an ominous, you know, gloomy now. Yeah, well, even then. Even then. Well, now.

[Luke Tuma]

No, he will.

[Christos]

Like, this guy's trying to win me over.

[Luke Tuma]

I used to love him. No. Yeah, but he had like, a A record deal. And he. I think he made a record. I think it just bombed.

[Mark Agnon]

Really?

[Luke Tuma]

I think he. Yeah, there's a full record. He has a full record out.

[Christos]

That's crazy. LA guy. He's a Hollywood guy. There's just guys hanging around.

[Mark Agnon]

Well, the Beach Boys.

[Luke Tuma]

The guy from the Beach Boys loved him.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. No.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. One of the Beach Boys. I forget which Beach Boy. It's the shitty one. That guy everyone says is a fucking asshole. Brian or. No, Love. I think his last name is Love. And everyone says he's a fucking asshole. Really not. I was thinking of the main guy, Brian.

[Mark Agnon]

Brian Wilson and Brian Wilson.

[Luke Tuma]

Mike Love. Mike Love. And. And Charles Manson were like boys.

[Mark Agnon]

That's wild.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. I guess that just happens in la, right?

[Luke Tuma]

You just rub shoulders.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Psycho people that go and kill actresses and stuff.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, I mean.

[Christos]

Oh, it was Dennis Wilson. That's who it was.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, it was Dennis Wilson. Never mind. I thought it was Love. Everyone just hates love, so I assumed it was him.

[Mark Agnon]

No, this guy actually unknowingly invited Satan into our mist. When the Beach Boys. Dennis Wilson became friends with Charles Manson, his life changed forever. Whoa. Acid orgies, new dinner parties, death threats.

[Christos]

So he was in. Was he in the Manson family?

[Luke Tuma]

I don't think he was fully in the Manson family, but he was definitely boys with Manson.

[Christos]

Sounds like he was kind of in Manson.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, it sounds like he was probably trying to get him in there.

[Mark Agnon]

I mean, that's wild.

[Luke Tuma]

This is so funny. I mean, new dinner parties, acid orgies and dinner death threats. Sounds like a good time to me.

[Christos]

I partied.

[Mark Agnon]

Right. All right. This one is. Is gotta be complete. Okay. Bill Clinton.

[Luke Tuma]

I. I reserve kind of like the JFK mode. I think some guys are so horny that they just, like, throw their dick at the wall. I mean, pro. You know, rest in peace. And I don't want to speak ill of the dead, however, you know that. What was the. The music producer said? Richard Pryor. And it was Richard Pryor. And the guy from the Godfather. I'm blanking on his name.

[Mark Agnon]

Brando.

[Luke Tuma]

Brando. We're, like, fucking each other.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, I'd heard that.

[Christos]

Yeah. I heard Marlon Brando got down.

[Luke Tuma]

See, I could see Marlon Brando, like, being bisexual and just fucking Richard Pryor.

[Christos]

Fuck, dudes.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. You just get bored. You're like, I'm just going to fuck anyone.

[Luke Tuma]

I think this.

[Christos]

I wonder that part of that roast where he goes, paul was there when I fucked my first fat.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, no, he's talking to Paul Moon.

[Christos]

He's doing a roast and they're on a dais, like a county central style roast back in the day. And he starts laughing. He's like making fun of Paul Mooney. He goes, paul was there when I fucked my first F. The crowd goes nuts.

[Mark Agnon]

Prior says this.

[Christos]

Yes.

[Luke Tuma]

So he just fully is like, yeah, I'm gay.

[Christos]

Oh, he was open about being bisexual. Yeah. He was, like, joking around that Mooney was there when he banged his first dude.

[Luke Tuma]

Wow. I didn't know that about Prior. I thought it was a secret.

[Christos]

No, no. Secret. No.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, I mean, that's insane.

[Christos]

He made jokes about it.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, I had no clue.

[Christos]

He's a fucking man, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

Prior's the man.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. All the time, dude. Imagine if he did a gay special. Like, how sick would that be?

[Luke Tuma]

A gay special?

[Mark Agnon]

Like, if he, like, openly talked about being gay on stage.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. I was gonna say. I know. I've never heard of Crazy dude.

[Mark Agnon]

Super homo. The name of his.

[Luke Tuma]

I've never heard him talk about. Yeah, I never heard him talk about it on stage.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Not that I recall that.

[Luke Tuma]

He was open.

[Christos]

You got to watch the rose clip.

[Luke Tuma]

Okay, great. Crazy.

[Christos]

So fun.

[Luke Tuma]

It's also crazy to just call a guy the F word after you had sex with him. And everyone. And everyone laughs.

[Mark Agnon]

I mean, that's like Eddie Murphy's first special.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, my God. It's kind of unwatchable, those jokes.

[Mark Agnon]

Delirious is insane. He always.

[Luke Tuma]

You're. You're like, jesus, got to keep walking around. I know. You're like, God damn.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. And the crowd's just like.

[Luke Tuma]

And he's crushing. Yeah, It's a bit much.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Maybe I'm going to sound lib Cuckville, Maybe.

[Mark Agnon]

Boomer.

[Luke Tuma]

Bit much.

[Christos]

You get a cuck in the chat.

[Mark Agnon]

Boomer, you don't understand what the kids like. The kids like that, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

The kids in the 80s when the special came out.

[Mark Agnon]

That's how boomer you are, bro. You're late for the kids in the 80s, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

I got unked so hard the other day at a show.

[Mark Agnon]

What happened?

[Luke Tuma]

This chick said, you're chopped. Have you heard this?

[Christos]

Know what that mean, bro?

[Luke Tuma]

I don't know.

[Christos]

You're chopped.

[Luke Tuma]

And she was like, you bugging? And I was like, I've heard bugging. I know bugging, bugging. And then she was like, mid, you're mid or something. And I was like, how am I mid? And bugging and chop. I don't. I know admit I know bugging. But chopped is the first thing you say. I have no idea what this word means I'm not.

[Mark Agnon]

I'm not that familiar with really giving you the business.

[Luke Tuma]

Dude.

[Mark Agnon]

Dude.

[Luke Tuma]

So she's saying this?

[Christos]

Yeah, Talking some.

[Mark Agnon]

I talked to one.

[Luke Tuma]

She doesn't say it to me. She said it to these other people who are being annoying in the crowd because they were being rowdy.

[Mark Agnon]

Does this happen a lot when you're on stage?

[Luke Tuma]

Dude, I get heckled more than any. I'm the most. Heckle motherfucker. Did I. Everyone's like, do their bully hackles go up and they're like, fuck this dork. Red hair, pudgy ginger. You're fucked.

[Mark Agnon]

That's awesome.

[Luke Tuma]

100%.

[Mark Agnon]

How are you getting heckled?

[Luke Tuma]

I can tackle every day. Your data is like gold to hackers.

[Mark Agnon]

They're selling your passwords, bank details and private, private messages.

[Luke Tuma]

McAfee helps stop them. Secure VPN keeps your online activity private. AI powered text scam detector spots phishing attempts instantly. And with award winning antivirus, you get top tier hacker protection. Plus you'll get up to $2 million in identity theft coverage. All for just $39.99 for your first year. Visit McAfee.com, cancel anytime terms apply. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just 15amonth. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a try. @mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate, first 3 months.

[Mark Agnon]

Only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] so he does get heckled a lot.

[Luke Tuma]

I get heckled more than I never thought of. Swear to God. I get 2x the rate.

[Mark Agnon]

What was.

[Christos]

Have you got a good one?

[Mark Agnon]

Or is it. Yeah. Or is it just people just being mean?

[Luke Tuma]

It's just like. They just like chirp at me, like with a little making fun of you thing, you know.

[Christos]

Wow, that's awesome. Next.

[Luke Tuma]

Gay.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, that's tough.

[Christos]

Wow, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, I get heckle a lot.

[Mark Agnon]

I've got. I've got.

[Christos]

You're a disrespected man.

[Luke Tuma]

You wonder why I'm like this.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

My whole life.

[Mark Agnon]

Go Luigi, man.

[Luke Tuma]

I'm going full man, man, man.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh yeah. That's insane. Yeah, I've gotten next joke before that. Infuriated. Whoa.

[Christos]

That would have driven me nuts.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Christos]

Back in Freak out.

[Mark Agnon]

Daytona. You remember that place? A star lounge or whatever.

[Luke Tuma]

Wait, where?

[Mark Agnon]

It's like the Winner Circle. Winner Circle?

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, Winter Circle group.

[Mark Agnon]

Some like old biker lady next.

[Luke Tuma]

Winter Circle, I thought was Lakeland or something.

[Mark Agnon]

Maybe. I.

[Luke Tuma]

They're all the same.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, right. Just Florida roadshow, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

I mean, Deltona, Daytona, deland, deland, all the same Palm. What's the Palm Coast? Not Palm Coast. It might be Palm Coast.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

They all just blame Orange something. Orange sucks. It all sucks. It's all wall to wall shit.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Northeast Florida is brutal.

[Mark Agnon]

Next joke.

[Christos]

Yeah, St. Augustine's nice, except for Jacksonville.

[Luke Tuma]

And St. Augustine, but I mean, like a little lower than that.

[Christos]

I mean, Jacksonville, Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Gainesville. Gainesville, you can have a good time.

[Luke Tuma]

Gainesville is a swamp.

[Mark Agnon]

But no, it's a uf and sick.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, I guess so, man. But I don't know.

[Christos]

I'm a St. Augustine cat.

[Luke Tuma]

I love St. Augustine.

[Christos]

I'm a St. Augustine Cat.

[Mark Agnon]

He is Cat.

[Christos]

Like, I'm a St. Augustine.

[Mark Agnon]

No, dude, I saw a great heckle. It was a Jimmy Carr. Someone heckle Jimmy Carr and said. He's like, oh, my. You saw this?

[Luke Tuma]

I thought.

[Mark Agnon]

I thought it was funny. He goes, my father died watching one of your Netflix specials. And Jimmy's like, really? He died? What? He's like, yeah, we watched as a whole family. And Jimmy goes, was he sick? He goes, no, he wasn't sick. He just died of boredom.

[Luke Tuma]

That's pretty good.

[Mark Agnon]

It's just like classic, like British dryness. Yeah, I found it very charming. And Jimmy just clapped. I was like, oh, that's.

[Luke Tuma]

He goes, that's a good.

[Mark Agnon]

That's a good Jimmy Carlo. That's exactly.

[Luke Tuma]

Don't laugh like that, Jimmy. You're making it up.

[Mark Agnon]

He says he laughs on the inhale. I saw him in a podcast. He was like, yeah, I laugh. I laugh on the inhale.

[Luke Tuma]

So no other human does that?

[Mark Agnon]

Exactly.

[Luke Tuma]

No, he's like that. It's like Nelly from the woods.

[Mark Agnon]

Anyway, old Billy Clinton, people think that he was gay.

[Luke Tuma]

No, D.C. was not gay.

[Mark Agnon]

I only bring this up because it became a famous clip that Ann Coulter accused Bill Clinton of being a latent homosexual. She said on her show and became a big news story at the time. I think that sort of rampant promiscuity does show some level of latent homosexuality.

[Christos]

That's a chick who got cheated on and she's bitter about it.

[Luke Tuma]

No, I agree with AN Colton.

[Christos]

No, she's. She got.

[Luke Tuma]

That's kind of what I'm saying. No, that kind of Promiscuity leads to latent homosexuality. I don't disagree with that at all.

[Christos]

This is a lady who got cheated on. She's going, you want to that many girls you're gay?

[Luke Tuma]

She's pissed. She's pretty.

[Christos]

This before. No one's ever said that to me ever.

[Mark Agnon]

Really? Yeah.

[Christos]

Number one, I don't cheat. Black men don't.

[Luke Tuma]

Facts.

[Christos]

Black men. And yeah, No, I think that's a lady who got cheated on. She's been.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Well, first of all, N. Coulter is a psycho.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, that doesn't help.

[Luke Tuma]

Would.

[Christos]

But also, you're nuts.

[Mark Agnon]

No.

[Christos]

Get the hell out of here.

[Luke Tuma]

Look at me. Young.

[Christos]

She looks like a broomstick.

[Luke Tuma]

I know.

[Christos]

Get out of here.

[Luke Tuma]

She's terrifying.

[Christos]

Look, can you pull her up, please?

[Luke Tuma]

Can you pull up young Ann Coulter? Can you put Ann Coulter leaks? Come on, bro. She looks kind of like a horse thing.

[Christos]

She looks like a rape.

[Luke Tuma]

Feed her a sugar cube.

[Christos]

She looks like she's been dead for years.

[Luke Tuma]

Dude, that one, that one on her IMDb. I mean, dude, this girl, this is the kind of girl you meet at Christian sleepaway camp, and she just is a freak.

[Mark Agnon]

What roast was she on?

[Christos]

Dude, this is gross, man.

[Mark Agnon]

I don't like all those angles.

[Luke Tuma]

I don't know.

[Mark Agnon]

But do you remember?

[Luke Tuma]

Yes. She was on her. And she bombed her dick off.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Christos]

She sucked Donald Trump.

[Luke Tuma]

Rob. What a ridiculous.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Ann Coulter's roast of Rob Low. Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Look at her.

[Christos]

Nice.

[Luke Tuma]

She's kind of nice with her nice swoopy hair. I like it.

[Mark Agnon]

I mean, yeah, but remember Tommy. Lan.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, peace. Peace Central. That's one thing that happened to her.

[Mark Agnon]

I don't know. I, I, I think she just, like, went away with her bags of money. Just like, I'm good.

[Luke Tuma]

I think there's left wing needs.

[Mark Agnon]

I think hotter. Like pundits.

[Luke Tuma]

100% sure. The hottest is AOC. AOC is beast.

[Christos]

No, she's bab.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, she's a P. Look up AOC feet picks.

[Mark Agnon]

But we need more of that.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, for sure.

[Mark Agnon]

I think if the left wants to really make an impact in 20. Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

I was saying this earlier. What we need, like, what you need on the left is like a guy with sort of like, Bernie's, like, kind of ethic and integrity.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

And tits and Susan's and like, like, fervor. But maybe a young white hot guy.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

And I know just the guy.

[Christos]

You know?

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

You're a big Bernie, bro.

[Luke Tuma]

I love Bernie.

[Mark Agnon]

So do I. It's really. Yeah, it's, it's, it's he's really a nice guy, it seems like.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. I mean, even if you don't agree with like his like left wing policies, I think there is like admiration of integrity. Kind of like a John McCain, but a. Like a socialist, you know, I told.

[Mark Agnon]

You I took a. I took a political alignment test when I was in.

[Luke Tuma]

College and you're Bernie Sanders.

[Mark Agnon]

I got the most.

[Luke Tuma]

As you're gay.

[Mark Agnon]

You know, most people are like, yeah, you know, I'm like, I'm socially liberal.

[Christos]

But I'm like this.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, have you seen this girl?

[Luke Tuma]

This looks like a porn star.

[Christos]

I know this girl. She's. She's from Florida and she's right. Yeah, she's. She's of course red pilled hard.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. You get to a level of hotness where I think you just are conservative.

[Luke Tuma]

No, you know what it is that's.

[Christos]

A problem for the left, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

It is an area to pull those ugly people out. This is going to sound sexist, but. Or not sexist. Wait, what did you say?

[Mark Agnon]

He wants you land Omar to drop him, bro. That's crazy.

[Luke Tuma]

I definitely would for Omar.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. I know what she looks like.

[Luke Tuma]

You don't know what she looks like?

[Christos]

Well, I mean, she's all, you know, she's all swaddled.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, she's swaddled, dude.

[Mark Agnon]

Lauren Bobert. Say what you will, Bobert.

[Luke Tuma]

And she's a freak's out. Yeah, yeah, she's a guy off at Hamilton or whatever.

[Mark Agnon]

Beetlejuice.

[Luke Tuma]

Beetlejuice made him come three times.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, I mean, yeah, she's an absolute dime.

[Luke Tuma]

I mean, this is ridiculous.

[Mark Agnon]

Like an actual dime.

[Luke Tuma]

No, this is like. You know what? Okay, I'm. You know.

[Mark Agnon]

Dude, she's.

[Christos]

I like her in her little congresswoman outfit.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, me too. Dude, hot people are less likely to be left wing, dude.

[Christos]

How does she look hot with a tie?

[Luke Tuma]

Well, because ugly, cuz. Ugly is a form of downtrodden. You know what I mean?

[Mark Agnon]

They understand oppression.

[Luke Tuma]

Yes.

[Mark Agnon]

You're marginalized group.

[Luke Tuma]

You're marginalized in some way. I mean, Luke is a screaming limb.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. Yeah, big time. Lim big time.

[Luke Tuma]

He looks like a dog.

[Mark Agnon]

Union doctor work.

[Luke Tuma]

This is completely about me, dude. Yeah, you can have like red hair and be fat and like freckled and then be like. I love. I love the right wing. It just. It's like, come on, dude.

[Christos]

Well, yeah. You think it's too much.

[Luke Tuma]

It's too much.

[Christos]

Okay, I get.

[Luke Tuma]

I mean I told you about. Yeah. Blind Republic. There's a. I'm in a blind Republican.

[Mark Agnon]

Really?

[Luke Tuma]

A black Girlfriend.

[Christos]

Oh, man.

[Luke Tuma]

Did he know that's what I asked? First question, I go, I have horrible news.

[Mark Agnon]

She's just on the side.

[Luke Tuma]

Lakeisha. She's. She's not who you think she is, but no, it was in that feminist lit class.

[Mark Agnon]

Really?

[Luke Tuma]

Because I would argue my little like, you know, this is actually stupid. Which it was, but I didn't have to make a big stink. And then I swear, like, I'm like, blind. The guy comes up to me, he's like, yeah, you know, I'm. Yeah, I agree with everything you say, man. I'm fucking.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, I like when they do that.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. He's like, yeah, dude, my girlfriend's black. I believe. I was like, you don't have no one. Everyone's black.

[Mark Agnon]

The world is black. Actually, the world be racist.

[Luke Tuma]

Literally. Do not see color.

[Christos]

Funny to imagine.

[Luke Tuma]

I'll tell you, they're loud. I'll tell you that much. They're loud.

[Christos]

So funny to imagine. Women's lit. Like, this stinks, dude. This lady's a hack, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, off reading braille. Oh, oh, bumpy. Pump, pump.

[Mark Agnon]

Gavin Newsom this ass.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, I'd love to smell California probably smells like.

[Mark Agnon]

Oh, dude. Every time I get in an Uber in Florida, I tell them like, yeah, I'm coming from New York. Every Uber driver goes, sorry about that. Yeah, every time.

[Luke Tuma]

It's so weird.

[Mark Agnon]

It's hilarious.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, every, like, yeah, they, they're so. This is like another thing like we're talking about, like, guys who want land, they only like. They're so homophobic, they don't even want to be near another man. I need 12 acres between me and the next cute gu or I don't know what the fuck.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, exactly.

[Luke Tuma]

I'll never understand the not wanting to, like, I need to be a three.

[Christos]

Day walk from a citadestical.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, like, what is. Why do you need this? What do you need this?

[Mark Agnon]

What if I walk into his mouth?

[Luke Tuma]

They're so scared. Like, those land people, they always seem so paranoid to me, you know, they need a lot of land and no one near them. I'm like, what do you think people are going to do to you? What happened to you? Are you okay?

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, no, the head is a little bit paranoia. On the other hand, I would love, love some land.

[Luke Tuma]

I like land for the sake of land. But I don't like the. I don't like it for the sake of, like, distance from other humans.

[Mark Agnon]

I want a commune.

[Luke Tuma]

A commune would be fire, dude. People in my family honestly tossed out the idea of a Commune. And I was totally on board, dude.

[Mark Agnon]

I've talked about my family. We've seven kids. My parents have seven kids.

[Christos]

I said, yeah, I actually don't want to live in a commune. I hate it.

[Luke Tuma]

I don't want to do that at all.

[Christos]

Sharing stuff like that.

[Luke Tuma]

He's a terrible sharer.

[Christos]

I don't like to share only.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, dude, I feel like commune, you get like seven different families.

[Mark Agnon]

No, dude, wait, What? No, that's not all. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Christos]

Chill, dude.

[Mark Agnon]

Well, let me see. Do you have, do you have a family pick?

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, quick family.

[Christos]

I don't want to live in a commune. I don't like.

[Mark Agnon]

I want to be in a right wing commune.

[Luke Tuma]

No, I don't want to be in a right wing commun.

[Mark Agnon]

This, this is.

[Christos]

Want to be the left wing commune. It's stinking, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

I want to be in a hippie.

[Mark Agnon]

You want to be in Chaz.

[Christos]

It's going to smell so good.

[Luke Tuma]

No, I don't want to do drugs though. I don't like doing hard drugs like that.

[Christos]

Okay, so it's a bunch of libs. No drugs.

[Luke Tuma]

This sounds like they can do drugs all they want.

[Christos]

Sounds like a bummer.

[Luke Tuma]

You sound like a bummer.

[Christos]

A drugless.

[Mark Agnon]

My political score is basically this exact thing. Oh, yeah?

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

I was, I was socially conservative, fiscally liberal.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, me too.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. I was like, what?

[Luke Tuma]

Dude? I, I, I tried to do a joke about it.

[Mark Agnon]

Really?

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. It never made any sense, but I did what I was like, it was. Was ironic, but the joke was like, socially, you know, socially conservative, fiscally liberal. Like, everyone should be like, taken care of and have played. I mean, not gays, but like, that was the joke.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

And I was like. And then I was telling my friend about this and he's like, you are Catholic. I was like, yes, because I was raised Catholic. And I think that just got in there.

[Mark Agnon]

Also, the test was a little sketchy. It was like, do you support abortion in the ninth month? And I was like, I don't know about that. And they were like, do you think everyone should have a home? And I was like, yeah, that sounds cool.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. And they're like, I think everyone agrees with those two things, though Virtually everyone questions. Yeah, if there were a Democratic thing to be like late term abortion, it would get voted no. It would get voted no. If there are. And if also Republicans. And this is a hackneyed thing, but it's like Republicans and liberals want the same things. They just do it a different way. Like it's Just one person claiming, no, the way for everyone to afford a home is this way. Way. No, the way for everyone to afford a home is this way. So everyone wants everyone to own homes. There's no one who's like, no rent for life. I like that. Unless you're a psycho.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, that's true.

[Christos]

Yeah.

[Luke Tuma]

Unless you're like one of these like tech accelerationist freaks.

[Christos]

Fiscally liberal, socially conservative.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, you're definitely. I think I'm really Catholic. We're all ethnically Catholic.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, we're all Catholic. I think we're all Catholic.

[Luke Tuma]

I think that's part of it.

[Mark Agnon]

It's like you should be able to.

[Christos]

You know, keep a roof over your head without working two jobs, but also keep it in your pants.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, everyone should have bedroom that they keep everything inside of.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, pretty much. I don't know. I think. But I don't know how socially conservative I am, really. I don't know. Like, I support gay marriage, but I like. I also in and support abortion.

[Christos]

I gotta be honest, I went to Provincetown one time and there's dudes walking dudes around on leashes and it's weird.

[Luke Tuma]

See, I'm gonna get that out of my look. It is weird.

[Christos]

But then we got a party, dude. They have fun.

[Luke Tuma]

Okay.

[Christos]

It's a vibe. I'll be honest. It's a vibe.

[Luke Tuma]

You know what?

[Mark Agnon]

Not a mon.

[Luke Tuma]

Key west is a vibe.

[Christos]

Key west sucks dick. I hate.

[Mark Agnon]

You hate Key West.

[Luke Tuma]

Key West.

[Mark Agnon]

You would love Key west, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

Dude, you're not on. You gotta be on Margarit.

[Christos]

Dude, I'm not a Key west fan. The only thing good about Key west is Tom, Dustin and James Patterson and the boys running the comedy Key West.

[Luke Tuma]

You don't like Key West?

[Christos]

No, dude, it's.

[Luke Tuma]

I love Key West.

[Christos]

I have a good argument for why.

[Luke Tuma]

Okay, hit me.

[Christos]

It's all hammered white boomers. It's too much, dude. It's shitty guys playing Brown Eyed Girl. Terribly. And drunk people from places like Buffalo who are like 54 years old with their red sunburned chest singing along to this horribly played song.

[Luke Tuma]

You're just not grill pilled. Yeah, you got to be grill pilled.

[Christos]

It's just too much in one place, dude. And they're all the same type of person.

[Luke Tuma]

So you go there for a long weekend, you look at a chicken, you have like a daiquiri with seven shots of rum in it and you. It's like. It's like Bourbon street if Jimmy Buffett invented it. It's fire.

[Christos]

I'm not A Key west guy. I'm. I'm a New Orleans guy and, you know, I love Florida. Key west is not my shit, though.

[Mark Agnon]

We got it. We got to do a boys trip.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, we got to do a boys trip. Second group of dudes I've talked about doing a Key west boys trip. Qs Boys this week in. In New York. I don't know. Everyone wants to go to Key West.

[Mark Agnon]

Added to.

[Luke Tuma]

Added to the list.

[Mark Agnon]

Newest gay podcast podcasters.

[Christos]

Those guys, though. Tom Dustin Patterson and them.

[Luke Tuma]

Probably a blast.

[Christos]

They're all.

[Luke Tuma]

That guy. He's hilarious.

[Christos]

James Scott Patterson hilarious. And he's one of the most fun people to drink with in the world.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, really? I've never drank. I just saw, like, clips.

[Christos]

He's got, like a.

[Mark Agnon]

He's like an author.

[Christos]

He's got a. I don't know.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Christos]

Boston guy. Yeah, he's. He's an author.

[Luke Tuma]

He's got, like, a James Patterson.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Christos]

Going to kill himself vibe, for sure.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah.

[Christos]

But, like, in a fun way. Like a fun Foster Wallace. Nice party.

[Luke Tuma]

Foster Wallace and Party Foster Wal and.

[Christos]

Big Al's, the other one. And the. They're all Boston guys, so they were big in Boston when I started there. And they're all, like, 50 years old. They live together, and they all just do shows at K West. And we would get. After every show, we're getting ham.

[Mark Agnon]

And you didn't like this place. It sounds like everything you love in life.

[Christos]

That was actually really fun.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, you just had a great time.

[Christos]

Some of it was a little much.

[Luke Tuma]

Dude, you gotta go beach bum mode. Have you seen Beach Bum?

[Christos]

The beaches are whack there, though.

[Luke Tuma]

There's no real beaches but you. To go beach bum mode.

[Christos]

Okay, wait, what do you mean by that?

[Luke Tuma]

Have you seen the movie Beach Bum? No, dude, it's great. It's. Matthew McConaughey plays a character called Moondog, who's like. He's like a poet. He writes these, like, little poems, and he just, like, gets up and, like, he's crazy, and it's. It's awesome.

[Christos]

You know, I was also there.

[Luke Tuma]

It's Harmony Corinne, Spring Breakers.

[Christos]

Honestly, I was also there right when. Let's go Brandon was happening and those boomers. It was a little much. Let's go, Brandon.

[Luke Tuma]

Really? Was it Trouble fight in Key West?

[Christos]

Yeah, but specifically, I don't even mind that Trump's. Trump's cool with me. It's more like the phrase let's go. Brandon was really starting to annoy me.

[Luke Tuma]

And they were screaming.

[Mark Agnon]

No, they caught a liquid that one. And then they really leaned it.

[Christos]

It was like Boomer Facebook. It was like a Boomer Facebook meme island at the moment.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, that sucks.

[Christos]

It was a little much.

[Luke Tuma]

That sucks.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah. That's tough. All right. Do you want to end with just an honorable mention?

[Christos]

Yes.

[Luke Tuma]

Luke Tuma.

[Mark Agnon]

Not a little bit. Can you just pull up Dwight Eisenhower? How we're gay. I mean, this girl is so attractive.

[Luke Tuma]

It's crazy beautiful.

[Mark Agnon]

Absolutely.

[Luke Tuma]

Anything you do, she can shoot me.

[Mark Agnon]

Right between the eyes. I don't give a. Yeah, pull up an image and. Yeah, that one right there. This is just. I don't know if there's any.

[Luke Tuma]

Get out of one of them. Make America.

[Mark Agnon]

I don't know if there's any other evidence to support this. Like, you just click on the one below it. Yeah. Zoom in there. So what do you think?

[Christos]

Gay or not?

[Luke Tuma]

I mean, he's really happy.

[Christos]

Look at that.

[Mark Agnon]

Dude.

[Christos]

Honestly, it's not just the cross legs. No straight man has that good a posture.

[Luke Tuma]

Also, look at that arm out. That right arm is brutal. I mean, that's sorority pose. He's on sorority mode.

[Mark Agnon]

And just a little smile and everything.

[Luke Tuma]

That's like Fidela King Kappa. That's brutal.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, I'm gonna go gay on that one.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah, he's gay. He called out the military industrial complex.

[Christos]

Gay.

[Luke Tuma]

Dude, we're spending all this money with things.

[Mark Agnon]

That's what Big Mike is, dude. Military industrial complex. That's the one. That's the one I support. You know what I mean?

[Luke Tuma]

Damn.

[Mark Agnon]

All right. I feel like we figured it out.

[Luke Tuma]

We got it.

[Mark Agnon]

There's probably some other. Got down to Brad. There's probably some other gay presence out.

[Luke Tuma]

There's a couple more gay podcasters on this list, Right?

[Mark Agnon]

Not true.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, it's still just all, you know.

[Mark Agnon]

Okay, that's. We're gonna edit that part. Okay. I'm not. I'm not having that. But I feel like we learned a lot about American history. I feel like we got to learn a little bit about each other. Yeah. I mean, I hope the people. People at home.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah.

[Mark Agnon]

I love the people at home. Yeah. Maybe discover things about themselves.

[Luke Tuma]

Absolutely.

[Mark Agnon]

We do have a large gay audience.

[Luke Tuma]

And a big gay host. Check out the rough week podcast.

[Mark Agnon]

Podcast.

[Christos]

Thank you for having us, Mark. This was wonderful. Yes. On all podcast platforms. Audio, YouTube, Patreon, the whole deal. You know, Patreon, you know, just dip your tone. Enjoy the YouTube. Enjoy the audio. See what you like. What's on Patreon?

[Mark Agnon]

What's on Patreon?

[Christos]

We got two extra Episodes every week.

[Mark Agnon]

Two extra.

[Christos]

Two extra.

[Mark Agnon]

Whoa.

[Christos]

One five dollar tier.

[Luke Tuma]

You get one.

[Christos]

That's. You get one. Ten dollars here. You get a second one. And that's our debate show, Gentleman's Duel, where we bring in takes that we know the other one's going to hate and we debate them. It's our version of first take.

[Mark Agnon]

Can you give me an example of a take that they got Kristoff just.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh, what could take livid.

[Mark Agnon]

What?

[Christos]

What? What's a take that made you the most mad?

[Luke Tuma]

I don't know.

[Christos]

I said psychedelics are for homos.

[Mark Agnon]

And.

[Christos]

He got really pissed. He didn't like that.

[Mark Agnon]

Psych.

[Christos]

Likes are for gays.

[Luke Tuma]

I can see that Dwight Eisenhower was on a head.

[Christos]

I'm tripping right now.

[Mark Agnon]

Wait, what? What was when you did with Luke that.

[Luke Tuma]

I pissed him off really bad.

[Mark Agnon]

Yeah, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

Oh. I said Chinese food's better than Italian food. I mean, wow.

[Mark Agnon]

Wow.

[Luke Tuma]

That hottest.

[Mark Agnon]

Sounds crazy, but also a sick take.

[Luke Tuma]

So true. I love that it's un. And they invented noodles. And then guess what? Italian.

[Christos]

This is what starts.

[Luke Tuma]

This is what everyone. This is what Italian food is. It's different shapes of noodles.

[Christos]

Oh, that's not what it is. You've never been to Italy.

[Luke Tuma]

I've been to Italy.

[Christos]

You haven't been there.

[Luke Tuma]

I have been.

[Mark Agnon]

Chinese food is seafood based.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. When I was 16, I went to Italy. I said, this place sucks goombly. I wish I was in China.

[Christos]

Subscribe to the Patreon. That's so disrespectful, dude.

[Luke Tuma]

Dude, I love.

[Christos]

Sucking off the Chinese.

[Mark Agnon]

Dude.

[Luke Tuma]

I love it.

[Christos]

He sucks off the Chinese so hard.

[Mark Agnon]

Dude. He's commie pill. Dude.

[Christos]

You're actually coming?

[Luke Tuma]

All right, guys, seriously, like, we joke around a lot. We?

[Christos]

You call me Glazer.

[Luke Tuma]

You're a fascist. You're Italian. You look Mussolini.

[Christos]

Yeah, Mussolini made cool faces.

[Mark Agnon]

This is horseshit.

[Luke Tuma]

That was another short king.

[Christos]

Yeah, dude, really?

[Mark Agnon]

How tall is he?

[Luke Tuma]

He might have been in Luke's height. 5, 4, 5, 5.

[Mark Agnon]

Wow.

[Christos]

Marfan Synd. Get this all it's running through the Italian community, baby.

[Luke Tuma]

Yeah. Mussolini was quite short, I believe.

[Christos]

Shout out to my short king.

[Mark Agnon]

Well, thank you, gentlemen. I appreciate you guys.

[Luke Tuma]

Thanks for having us.

[Mark Agnon]

A wonderful episode.

[Christos]

Very fun.

[Mark Agnon]

Let's do it again soon.

[Luke Tuma]

Absolutely.

[Mark Agnon]

If you've made it to the end of this episode, that's because you rock with us. And for that, we rock with you. You are sophisticated. You enjoy honest, true communication. A highbrowed type of person that understands this history is not just dates and names. It's is a tapestry of human triumph and tragedy from the day Nostradamus made his first prophecy to the morning Paul Revere took his midnight ride from ancient oracles to modern revolutionaries. That is why I need you. If you have not already, please sign up for Today in History. Our free newsletter, Today in History brings you the stories that matter, the moments that changed everything, and the secrets hidden in time. Join thousands of of history enthusiasts who get their daily journey through time. Don't let another day of history pass you by. Take the conversation to your inbox. Sign up now through the QR code or link in the description Today in History because history's stories shape tomorrow's world. Thank you for watching the episode. We'll see you next time.