Cayuga's Waiters

Summary

Campus Files: “Cayuga’s Waiters”

Podcast: Campus Files (Audacy)
Episode Airdate: September 24, 2025
Host: Ian Mont

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the story of the Cayuga’s Waiters, Cornell University’s oldest and once-most prestigious a cappella group. Through interviews with former members, particularly author/journalist Mickey Rapkin and alumnus Nat Commissar, the episode explores the group’s vibrant history, its sudden and permanent ban from campus for hazing, and the larger cultural currents—around masculinity, campus tradition, and institutional accountability—that shaped its drastic downfall. Deeply personal, the story asks: what gets lost when a beloved institution is cut down, and what might survive?

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Cornell and Its A Capella Obsession

• Cornell’s Culture: While known for “gothic buildings” and high-profile alumni, Cornell also boasts a “near obsession with college a cappella,” with 18+ groups at any time.
  • “If there’s one thing Cornell is known for… it’s the near obsession with college a cappella.” — Ian Mont, 01:11
• Pop Culture Reference: The Office parodies that tradition, highlighting its presence in pop culture.
  • Quote from The Office character about joining a Cornell group. — 01:46

The Waiters’ Unique Legacy

• Founded 1949: Transitioned from formal Glee Club offshoot to a looser, fun-loving group.
• Camaraderie & Celebrity: Members described being part of an exclusive brotherhood, likened to campus rock stars.
  • “The Waiters felt like a drinking group with a singing problem.” — Mickey Rapkin, 04:22
• Spring Fever Concert: Annual high-profile show, reunion for alumni, and campus spectacle.
  • “You do feel like a rock star… It was like a thing for the alumni to come back every year.” — Mickey Rapkin, 08:01

Alumni Connections & Tradition

• Alumni’s Lasting Bonds: Even decades apart, the core culture of the Waiters remained the same for alumni like Nat Commissar.
  • “There are better acapella groups out there… but the culture of the waiters was pretty unusually spectacular.” — Nat Commissar, 08:46
• 'More Old Men': Alumni came together, forming performance groups to relive the magic.
  • “More old men! More old men!” — Various, 10:15

The Pitch Perfect Effect

• Mickey Rapkin’s Impact: Mickey’s experiences with the Waiters inspired his bestselling book Pitch Perfect, which led to the hit film franchise—a catalyst for the national college a cappella boom.
  • “They make this movie, and Universal’s like, host a screening for your friends… [the Waiters] are just, you know, in disbelief. Like, this absurd thing that we did is now in this movie.” — Mickey Rapkin, 14:27

The Dark Turn: Hazing Scandal

• Initial Signs: Nat Commissar is warned by a former classmate—now a Waiter’s parent—of brutal hazing.
  • “You really need to get involved with the group and see if you can do something about this hazing, because it’s horrible.” — Nat Commissar, 15:44
• Details Emerge: Hazing included physical and psychological abuse—ice baths, application of icy hot to genitals, and more.
  • “It was just heinous and stupid…manipulating them emotionally in such a way that they felt they were forced to do it. It was really horrid.” — Nat Commissar, 19:34
• Fraternity Influence: Hazing culture traced to ex-members of SAE, a fraternity previously banned after a student death, who joined the Waiters and brought practices with them.
  • “At the hearing, there was reference from several of the kids who testified that SAE members had brought this to the group…” — Nat Commissar, 21:18

Institutional Response and Ban

• University Actions:
  • Initial three-day hearings led to suspension and probation, with calls for alumni oversight.
  • “It was a lot of emotion, a lot of tears. I mean, not just the kids crying, but the people on this panel were shedding tears.” — Nat Commissar, 23:07
• Escalation: University prosecutor pushed for a permanent ban outside standard procedure, with no input from the group.
  • “She presented it without any testimony, without any defense… They deserve a permanent ban. That was it.” — Nat Commissar, 24:30
• Contrast to SAE: Despite the Waiters’ ban, SAE returned to campus only a few years after a student had died due to their hazing.
  • “It’s so heartbreaking...That fraternity was disbanded for a time and is back… It was like they were advertising, like, a pop-up restaurant. And I was like, this is so gross. A kid died.” — Mickey Rapkin, 26:57

Reflections on Hazing, Masculinity, and Loss

• A Culture Shift:
  • Mickey asserts the Waiters did not historically haze and laments how swiftly group cultures can turn.
    • “It was built on camaraderie and love.” — Mickey Rapkin, 25:15
    • “These ideas take root so firmly…and you so badly want to be part of this thing that you’ll sort of do anything.” — Mickey Rapkin, 25:15
• Ambiguous Legacy: Mickey expresses regret the punishment was so sweeping, impacting thousands for the actions of a few.
  • “There were so many other ways to teach the lesson than to just disband the a cappella group.” — Mickey Rapkin, 26:12
• Enduring Alumni Grief:
  • The loss of the Waiters has a lasting emotional impact, with efforts to revive the group continually stymied.
    • “Every couple of years, there’s an email chain…But in some ways, the damage is done.” — Mickey Rapkin, 27:37
• What Makes a Waiter?: The group valued personality and “a big heart” over pure musical talent.
  • “What makes a waiter a waiter? A big heart, a lover of life, someone who wants to have fun.” — Mickey Rapkin, 28:14

Hazing, Brotherhood, and Vulnerability

• Personal Toll: Mickey connects hazing to toxic masculinity, which has impacted his relationship with his seriously ill brother.
  • “It’s like this culture of hazing keeps you from being able to say ‘I love you’… The same one that’s keeping me from hugging my brother and telling him how much he means to me.” — Mickey Rapkin, 29:52

Closing Thoughts

• Brotherhood without Barriers: Ian Mont observes that the original Waiters were a different, positive model for male friendship—one based on “family, camaraderie, and most of all, love”—and argues that hazing undermined this unique, healthy culture.
  • “What the waiters presented…was a different way of being a man…no pressure, price of admission.” — Ian Mont, 32:22
• Hope for Redemption:
  • Even as the original group’s revival seems unlikely, alumni like Mickey and Nat hope the spirit of the Waiters can return in some form.
    • “You gotta get the waiters back together. You gotta put on a concert at Carnegie Hall…maybe I can right this other wrong with the waiters.” — Mickey Rapkin, 33:06

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The Waiters felt like a drinking group with a singing problem.” — Mickey Rapkin, 04:22
• “You do feel like a rock star, you know. And it was like a thing for the alumni to come back every year and go to that show.” — Mickey Rapkin, 08:01
• “More old men! More old men! More old men!” — Audience & Alumni, 10:15
• “These young freshmen and sophomores were standing up and saying this is stupid. This is not something I will accept.” — Nat Commissar, 20:31
• “Hazing is disgusting…these kids are vulnerable…you’re putting them in danger, making them feel shitty about themselves.” — Mickey Rapkin, 25:15
• “These ideas take root so firmly and you so badly want to be a part of this thing that you’ll sort of do anything people ask you to do.” — Mickey Rapkin, 25:15
• “It just felt like, what are we doing here?” — Mickey Rapkin (about SAE’s quick return), 26:57
• “A big heart, a lover of life, someone who wants to have fun.” — Mickey Rapkin, on what makes a Waiter, 28:14
• “This culture of hazing keeps you from being able to say, ‘I love you’… it’s all sort of one story.” — Mickey Rapkin, 29:52

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Cornell’s a cappella culture & Waiters intro: 01:11–04:48
• Mickey’s journey to joining Waiters: 05:25–07:02
• Spring Fever / Waiters alumni: 07:48–10:20
• Pitch Perfect origin & impact: 12:58–14:57
• First news of hazing emerges: 15:44–16:39
• Student hearings/consequences: 19:22–23:30
• Permanent ban announced: 24:30–24:58
• SAE’s contrasting return: 26:39–27:28
• Discussion of masculinity, loss, and brotherhood: 29:03–32:22
• Mickey’s personal reflections on his brother: 29:52–33:43

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Tone & Reflection

The episode moves from nostalgic and humorous reminiscence to somber introspection, combining campus lore with hard questions about community, gender expectations, and generational change. The speakers openly wrestle with grief, anger, regret, and hope. The episode closes on a note that is equal parts elegy and call for a healthier kind of brotherhood—one where love, not suffering or exclusion, is at the core.

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Transcript

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[Ian Mont]

One of America's eight Ivy League schools, Cornell is an extremely prestigious institution. Its ranks include 64 Nobel laureates, 33 Rhodes scholars, 663 Olympic medalists, 10 current Fortune 500 CEOs, 35 billionaires, and most important of all, approximately 1,000 acapella obsessed singers. In fact, if there's one thing Cornell is known for, it's not the academics or the alumni network. It's the near obsession with college a cappella. It's become so well known that it's the butt of jokes on shows like the Office.

[Mickey Rapkin]

What am I gonna do? Move back to Cornell? I know it's pathetic to relive your college years, but cut me some slack. When I joined Here Comes Trouble, I became a freaking rock star in college.

[Ian Mont]

But one day, the Cornell community was shocked to learn that the oldest and most prestigious a cappella group on campus, the Cayuga's Waiters, had been shut down and permanently banned from campus. I'm Ian Mont. This week on Campus Files, the Cayuga's Waiter.

[Mickey Rapkin]

Cornell is. It looks like you think college is gonna look like when you're a kid and you close your eyes, like these gothic buildings and people on the quad playing Frisbee. I mean, it's like a cartoon of what a major university is gonna look and feel like.

[Ian Mont]

That's Mickey Rapkin. Nowadays, Mickey is an author and a freelance journalist. Back in the 90s, Mickey got his first experience at Cornell while visiting his brother.

[Mickey Rapkin]

My brother went there. Actually, we're totally different people. He's a Division 1 athlete, was the captain of the tennis team, and I was like a weird freak. But he found this home there. He loved the school, and I had so much fun visiting him. It's such a beautiful place. This is going to be so corny. But you walk around and you sense hope for what the future is going to be and what you might do with your life.

[Ian Mont]

Mickey arrived at Cornell in 1996 as a communications student. And the first day was a bit overwhelming.

[Mickey Rapkin]

Basically, you show up at college and acapella is like thrust in your face from the first day, whether you want it or not. Okay? It's like there's acapella groups singing underneath these archways where the echoing is so beautiful. And they're standing in front of the campus store handing out flyers, recruiting for auditions. It's inescapable, unavoidable.

[Ian Mont]

On one of the first nights of orientation, there was a big event in Bailey hall, the largest auditorium on campus. It was a showcase of all the student groups you could join, a bunch of which were, of course, a cappella groups.

[Mickey Rapkin]

Listen, there's so many acapella groups at Cornell. Like, at the time, there was 18. I'm sure there's more now. There's every kind of acapella group you could imagine. There's an a cappella group for Jewish students called Chai Notes. There's a million acapella groups.

[Ian Mont]

But that night, sitting in Bailey hall, there was one group that immediately stood out, the Cayuga's Waiters.

[Mickey Rapkin]

And I remember the waiters immediately. They just looked like they were having more fun than anybody else. I just remember the vibe and the atmosphere. Some groups are more serious about the musicality. The Waiters felt like a drinking group with a singing problem. Like, it was way more about the social activity. Like, if you were having fun, the audience was going to have fun. And I just so desperately wanted to be a part of that.

[Ian Mont]

The Waiters were founded in 1949, the oldest still active a cappella group on campus. The name comes from Cornell's old school song, or alma mater, about the waters of Cayuga Lake, visible from Cornell's campus. The name is a play on the phrase Cayuga's Waters. And within just four years of their founding, the Waiters went on their first tour and recorded their first album. In the years since, they grew beyond their more buttoned up Glee Club roots to become more fun, goofy and loose. Nicky auditioned three times starting his first semester freshman year.

[Mickey Rapkin]

I auditioned at the end of freshman year again. I auditioned at the beginning of sophomore.

[Ian Mont]

Year, and each time he was rejected.

[Mickey Rapkin]

Each time, I was like, never again. They missed out. It's their loss. But then, you know, I would inevitably see them performing somewhere on campus, and I'd be like, oh, God, they're really having fun, and I want to be a part of that. And then the middle of sophomore year, my fourth and final audition, I was like, this is. This is it. This is the last time.

[Ian Mont]

After his fourth audition, what would be his final attempt? Mickey is waiting in his dorm for some sort of news.

[Mickey Rapkin]

So two guys come in, like, hey, we just want to let you know a lot of the guys really like you, but it's not going to work out. And we just, you know, wanted to tell you personally. Then they walk outside, and then, you know, 15 guys come rushing into the room, and there's a song that they sing, and they immediately take you out to go celebrate that night. You're immediately part of the family. I remember, like, the first night we went out at the time, like, our big bar to hang out was this bar called rlof's in Collegetown. And, you know, you just, like, you go into this bar and you're, like, a little scared, and you go downstairs, and there's all these guys in the corner, and they're like, hey, they're so happy to see you. It's like, cheers. They're just psyched to see you. And inevitably, at a certain point, someone pulls out that pitch pipe, and nobody in the basement of this bar has asked for us to perform. They're, I'm sure, not even vaguely annoyed, like, openly annoyed. But then, you know, suddenly you're singing, and it's just fun.

[Ian Mont]

Being a waiter was a whole different experience. It was sort of like being a mini campus celebrity.

[Mickey Rapkin]

Listen, I'm dating myself a little bit, but we used to record CDs, like, physical copies of CDs, and they were for sale at the campus store, and there was a record store in town for a while that would sell. And I come home from class, I'd be walking through campus, you know, past a dorm, and you would hear our CD being played out someone's window. You know, it's like every dumb movie about music where the band hears their song on the radio for the first time, and they're like, oh, my God, calling each other. That's really what it was like. You know, you would go through the campus door, and like, freshmen would be like, oh, like, Darren, the waiters. It was a thing.

[Ian Mont]

Every year, the waiter's schedule centered around an event called Spring Fever. First hosted in 1974, spring fever was the waiter's annual showcase. In the movie version of this story, it would be the climax.

[Mickey Rapkin]

You go out there on stage, Bailey hall, you know, 1800 people, whatever it is, big lights, and you're staring at the audience and they're cheering like they're roaring. It's loud. You do feel like a rock star, you know. And it was like a thing for the alumni to come back every year and go to that show.

[Ian Mont]

With more than 50 years of history, there were a lot of waiters alumni to go around.

[Nat Commissar]

To this day, when I see alumni, people will know me as a waiter before anything else.

[Ian Mont]

That's Nat Commissar. He started at Cornell in 1977. Although their time at Cornell was about two decades apart, the experience of being a waiter was the same.

[Nat Commissar]

It is an absolute blast. And rehearsals, I can just float back to rehearsal and think, all of us just sitting in a room, trying our best to stay focused on the music at hand while we're laughing our heads off about whatever inane thing might have been going on. There are better acapella groups out there. There are a lot of better acapella groups out there. But the culture of the waiters was pretty unusually spectacular.

[Ian Mont]

And this brings us back to the annual Spring Fever show. Nat and another friend named Jonathan were watching the current group when Nat had an idea.

[Nat Commissar]

I said to Jonathan, I want to organize a reunion of hand picked individuals from across multiple years, and I want to come back and perform at Spring Fever the following year. And then I went about the task of cherry picking those individuals, and I think we ended up with 12 or 13 the first time we did it. And we went back in 1999 and we were the guest group at Spring Fever and we blew the current students off the stage. And I'm not trying to brag, the guys in the group, Mickey Rapkin, Ryan Terry, they would all tell you the same thing.

[Mickey Rapkin]

Nat for sure is correct. The alumni group was better than the current group. They're great. And as they're leaving the stage, the crowd is cheering. More old Men. More old men.

[Nat Commissar]

More old men. More old men. More old Men.

[Mickey Rapkin]

So then this alumni group, they adopted this as their name, More old Men. And years later, they invited me to be a part of More old Men. And I did it. 10 years ago.

[Ian Mont]

Mickey graduated soon after that first More old Men performance. When he left the waiters, they were as strong as ever. But a few years later, things would begin to change behind the scenes, the group began to develop a darker side in private all while college a cappella was experiencing a renaissance.

[Kristen Bell]

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[Ian Mont]

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[Kristen Bell]

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[Mickey Rapkin]

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[Ian Mont]

Um, that's a hard question.

[Nat Commissar]

Something that you can strive for, that.

[Kristen Bell]

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[Mickey Rapkin]

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[Ian Mont]

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[Nat Commissar]

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[Ian Mont]

All right, we are back from a brief intermission. Let's get back to Mickey.

[Mickey Rapkin]

Fast forward, I don't know, eight years after graduation, whatever. I'm working at GQ magazine in New York and this book agent calls me. He's like, oh, I really like your writing. Have you thought about writing a book? The only thing I want to write a book about is college acapella groups. And he's like, that's a terrible idea. What else do you got?

[Ian Mont]

Turns out that was about it.

[Mickey Rapkin]

Anyway, a couple weeks later he calls me back and he's like, listen, if that's really the only thing that you want to do, let's Give it a shot. So I do this book proposal and we send it out and we, like, miraculously get four offers for this book. It's a nonfiction book. True story. I follow three acapella groups over the course of the 2006, 2007 school year. Basically, I'm still writing the book at this point, and I get a call from my book agent, and he's like, do you want to have lunch with Elizabeth Banks? I was like, what? He's like, someone in my office gave her the book proposal. The book's called Pitch Perfect.

[Ian Mont]

Mickey took the lunch invite from Elizabeth Banks, who would soon play Effie Trinket in the Hunger Games. By the end, he was sure it was too good to be true.

[Mickey Rapkin]

I was totally wrong. They did everything they said they were going to do and more.

[Kristen Bell]

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[Nat Commissar]

They may not be perfect, but they'll.

[Mickey Rapkin]

Pitch slap the competition.

[Ian Mont]

Pitch Perfect, the first Pitch Perfect movie premiered in 2012, unleashing upon the world a torrent of preteens obsessed with learning Anna Kendrick's cup song. But for Mickey and the waiters, it was an incredible moment.

[Mickey Rapkin]

They make this movie, and Universal's like, host a screening for your friends in New York. Great. I invite some people from my office, but really, I invite the waiters. And we're at the Universal screening room and we watch the movie. And I've obviously, I've been to set, you know, I've been involved. I've seen the movie. Like, it's not. It's not the first time I've seen the movie, but I was seeing it, you know, through their eyes, and they're just, you know, in disbelief. Like, this absurd thing that we did is now in this movie.

[Ian Mont]

Pitch Perfect became a trilogy, following the fictional Barton Bellas through competition, celebrity downfall, and successful return. It was no short of a cultural phenomenon that launched acapella to a new level. And while neither the book or the movie are directly about the waiters, both exist because of them. The movie series kicked off a college a cappella boom. And all that time, Nat, the organizer of more old men you heard from earlier, is still involved with the group. From the outside, the waiters are still a group of goofy young men singing songs, but beneath the surface, completely out of view of outsiders, including alumni like Nat, who a dangerous side to the waiters had emerged. That dangerous side, however, would come out into the open when Nat chats with the mom of a current waiter.

[Nat Commissar]

So I'm talking to the mother of one of the current group members, and she and I had attended school together, so we had a basis of friendship and conversation. And she said something along the lines of, you really need to get involved with the group and see if you can do something about this hazing, because it's horrible.

[Ian Mont]

According to the mom of a current waiter, her son had been severely hazed while joining the group.

[Nat Commissar]

And then she described what was going on. And I talked to her son, and then the same day talked to the guy who was the leader of the group and said, is this what's going on? What's going to happen? And the guy said, yeah, it's just. It's tradition. You know, we've always done it, and this kid's telling us this is the way the waiters have always been. And we said, no, it's not, and it has to stop now or something bad's gonna happen. He said, oh, he kind of gave us the, you know, you old farts.

[Ian Mont]

The waiters and college a cappella in general are booming in popularity. But in the background, a pattern of brutal hazing appears to have taken root. Nat and a few other alumni kept pushing the group to shut it down before someone got hurt.

[Nat Commissar]

But a few months later, the charges were brought.

[Ian Mont]

Just months after Nat learned of the hazing, Cornell brought charges against the group and with them a whole array of possible penalties. The group would be given one final chance to state their case in three days of hearings before a disciplinary committee. If they failed, the group could be banned.

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[Mickey Rapkin]

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[Ian Mont]

Only a few short months ago, Nat Commissar learned his college acapella group that Cayuga's waiters had begun hazing new members and now Cornell was aware and ready to punish the group.

[Nat Commissar]

I sent an email out to a group of maybe 10 or 12 core members of the group across the years who always been involved. We formed this not a board because we weren't official in any way, shape or form, but a group of alumni who were going to deal with this issue.

[Ian Mont]

Cornell scheduled three days of in person hearings to investigate the case. Nat attended as the alumni representative and remembers hearing the students describe the hazing they were subjected to.

[Nat Commissar]

I don't want to drag them through that mud again. That was painful enough to share in that room. Suffice it to say it was just heinous and stupid. Making people do things that they just shouldn't do and manipulating them emotionally in such a way that they felt they were forced to do it. It was really horrid.

[Ian Mont]

The exact details are confidential, but Cornell would later publish a summary of the case stating that some members were required to sit naked in an ice bath in a bathroom during an organization trip. Some were required to apply icy hot to their genitals. The summary also acknowledged that more dangerous hazing practices were present but not specifically described. So while you're in those three days of hearings and you're learning the details of what's happening, was there ever a moment where you thought, okay, maybe this group isn't recoverable?

[Nat Commissar]

No, I never had that thought. Matter of fact, I had the antithesis in that these young freshmen and sophomores were standing up and saying this is stupid. This is not something I will accept. I think it's important to note that there is so much bravery and so much integrity in those young Men who stood up to say no to this. I mean, it really kind of gets whitewashed in all of the horrible behavior that was there. But I really admire those kids that said, no, we will not do that anymore.

[Ian Mont]

The hazing Nat heard about during the hearing was disturbing, but there was an even more shocking connection between the waiters and a fraternity that had been kicked off campus five years earlier.

[Nat Commissar]

So I knew there were SAE members over the years. Heck, one of the guys that I sang with Roger heard back in the 70s and 80s was an SAE. So there's always been fraternity members in the waiters over the years. At the hearing, there was reference from several of the kids who testified that SAE members had brought this to the group when George the Dune died, that when they were disbanded, that they felt found an outlet.

[Ian Mont]

If you're a longtime listener of Campus Files, the name George de Dunne may sound familiar. Earlier this season, we covered how George was subjected to brutal hazing at the hands of his SAE brothers, ultimately leading to his death in 2011. Following George's death, SAE was barred from campus for five years and kicked out of their fraternity house. Apparently, a number of SAE brothers from that time were also new members of the Cayuga's waiters.

[Nat Commissar]

Coincidentally, at the same time, several of the waiters had decided to rent a house together in Collegetown. But it became the waiters hangout, almost the waiters fraternity house.

[Ian Mont]

It was at this rented house that much of the hazing took place. By the end of the hearings, a partial picture had come together. It appeared that a group of former SAE brothers may have introduced some of the hazing practices which led to George de Dunne's death. To the Cayuga's waiters following SAE's temporary suspension. All of this complicated the case.

[Nat Commissar]

So there was much discussion about what the penalty would look like because the rules didn't really encompass non fraternal organizations.

[Ian Mont]

At the end of the hearings, the waiters received a temporary suspension and an extended probationary period.

[Nat Commissar]

And then there'd have to be a faculty person who was going to be an advisor, and the alumni would have to create a board and oversee the group, which everybody felt dandy about. I mean, it was three days of testimony. It was a lot of emotion, a lot of tears. I mean, not just the kids crying, but the people on this panel were shedding tears.

[Ian Mont]

Mickey was close to the group, but he was working on a second book and was busy with his day job. So the ruling was a surprise for him.

[Mickey Rapkin]

In like 2016, this story breaks Cornell acapella group suspended for hazing. And I was like, what? And this report kind of made it sound like it had been systemic, that it had been going on for decades, that it was a fundamental part of this group's history, and it was devastating. I at first felt bad for the kids, but I was also frustrated for the group that people would think this was a part of our history, that this thing that I had loved so much was somehow built on this, like, rotten core.

[Ian Mont]

But the temporary suspension wouldn't stand for long. Earlier, you heard Nat say that the rules around hazing didn't really account for non fraternal organizations. According to Nat, the lead prosecutor on the case wasn't satisfied with a temporary suspension.

[Nat Commissar]

The prosecutor went to another part of the administration, I don't know to whom, and said the rules were not applied. There is no rule that says a non fraternal group can get off this lightly. And she presented it without any testimony, without any defense, to another group of individuals who looked at it for 45 minutes and said, the evidence is clear. They deserve a permanent ban. That was it.

[Ian Mont]

On April 25, 2017, Cornell announced that the Cayuga's waiters would be permanently disbanded. Mickey, outside of being a waiter, was also a member of a fraternity in undergrad. He wasn't in SAE specifically, but he does remember being hazed by his frat.

[Mickey Rapkin]

I was in a fraternity. We got hazed in my fraternity. Hazing is disgusting. These kids are vulnerable. They've come away from home for the first time, they're new to this place and you're putting them in danger, making them feel shitty about themselves. It's disgusting. I think this is one of the scariest parts of college campuses, is that these ideas take root so firmly and you so badly want to be a part of this thing that you'll sort of do anything people ask you to do. But it was so not a part of the waiters at the time when I was there, and not for many years after, that wasn't what the group was about. It was built on camaraderie and love.

[Ian Mont]

But hearing how quickly the waiters culture had changed from one of camaraderie and love to a culture of hazing in just a few short years is hard to reckon with. To this day, he feels conflicted about this ruling.

[Mickey Rapkin]

There's absolutely a part of me that thinks there should be a zero tolerance policy for hazing. But I do feel in this instance, they made a really arbitrary decision to disband this group, that means a lot to a lot of people, and not just to people in the group, to a lot of students who went to Cornell, a lot of alumni. And there were so many other ways to teach the lesson than to just disband the a cappella group.

[Ian Mont]

Mickey remembers hearing the news about George Dedun's death at the hands of Georgia's SAE brothers and how SAE received a temporary suspension in 2020. Shortly after the waiters were banned, SAE applied to return to campus and was given permission to begin recruiting again in 2022.

[Mickey Rapkin]

It's so heartbreaking. And that fraternity was disbanded for a time and is back. And I remember looking into that incident, and that fraternity had, like a website up and it was basically like, heralding the return. It was like, coming soon. Like, it was like they were advertising, like, a pop up restaurant. And I was like, this is so gross. A kid died. Listen, a kid shouldn't have to die for you to change the rules, obviously, but it just felt like, what? What are we doing here?

[Ian Mont]

In the years since, the Waiters have attempted to return on multiple occasions, each time encountering roadblocks. By this point, more than eight years have passed.

[Mickey Rapkin]

Every couple of years, there's an email chain, a WhatsApp group. We gotta get the group back. How do we do this? But in some ways, the damage is done. Colleges have no institutional memory because every four years, there's a whole new turnover of students. So you're starting from scratch.

[Ian Mont]

Which begs the question. Campus groups like the Cayuga's Waiters or even SAE have a culture that makes them unique. With that continuous connection broken, would a new group of waiters actually be true waiters? What makes a waiter a waiter?

[Mickey Rapkin]

It's so funny. At auditions, you would sit around after and you'd be like, okay, this guy technically is a good singer, but is he a waiter? Like, is he gonna be fun to hang out with? You know, you're looking for the personality probably more than you're looking for the musicality, sometimes probably to our own detriment. But what makes a waiter a waiter? A big heart, a lover of life, someone who wants to have fun.

[Ian Mont]

When I wrapped up my calls with Mickey and Nat, that's where things stood. There were no active plans to revive the Waiters, but there was a very active group of alumni with complicated feelings about the fate of the group that meant so much to them. While I was writing this episode, Mickey contacted me, saying there was something important he wanted to talk about.

[Mickey Rapkin]

I felt like when we Were talking the other day, there was sort of this elephant in the room for me, and I. I wasn't sure that if I want to get into it or not. And it just felt like.

[Ian Mont]

Mickey called because he'd been thinking about his own experience with hazing. Not in the waiters, but in the fraternity he belonged to. Hazing and the culture it comes from for Mickey, cultivate unhealthy relationships between men.

[Mickey Rapkin]

You know, the same culture that tells you the way to bond is by, you know, making your quote, unquote, brothers vomit. That's the way to become a family.

[Ian Mont]

Mickey is thinking a lot about this right now because his actual biological brother is sick. The two of them are very close, but still, they were socialized in a way that makes it very hard to express real feelings for each other.

[Mickey Rapkin]

For the last 18 months, my brother has been battling brain cancer. It's awful. He can barely see, he can barely hear. He's in a wheelchair. Thankfully, he's mentally amazing, sharp as he's ever been, Making jokes, everything. When we talked the other day, I was in the basement at my brother's house, where I've sort of been sleeping because he's in the guest room, which is on the ground floor. I'm so lucky that I can be there. And I know that my brother knows that I love him because I'm there so much, you know, but it's like this culture of hazing keeps you from kind of being able to say, I love you. And it's like that culture that we came up with is the same one that's keeping me from hugging my brother and telling him how much he means to me and how much I appreciate him.

[Ian Mont]

Have you tried talking to him about some of this?

[Mickey Rapkin]

No. You know, he falls asleep at night, and I try to sit there, you know, in the chair next to him as long as I can in case he wakes up and needs anything. I just want him to know that I'm there. And he knows, obviously, that I love him. And we've had conversations where I've been able to thank him for things that he's done over the years and being so supportive and all that. But I still. When I leave, we do, like, a pat pat hug, you know, like guys do. It's just in thinking back on it, it's all sort of one story.

[Ian Mont]

For Mickey, the emotional barrier he feels between him and his brother is directly connected to the death of the waiters, as he puts it. It's all one story, and I think he's spot on. I'D argue that the waiters are a brotherhood in a lot of ways, just like a fraternity. And when the waiters started hazing, joining the group became about survival. You earn your place as a brother by being a man, proving yourself, not cracking. The measure of success is how well you can hide your misery and discomfort, how emotionally detached you can be. There's a reason hazing is rare in sororities. It's a product of what we see as essential to being a man. So when a group begins to haze, they're really measuring how good you are at performing this particular version of manhood. At one point, the waiters were an antidote to this kind of hyper masculine way of relating to other men. For more than 60 years, the Brotherhood of the waiters was instead about family, camaraderie, and most of all, love. What the waiters presented to Mickey, Nat and hundreds of others was a different way of being a man, A way that showed love and affection openly. A path towards a brotherhood with no pressure. Price of admission. I think in some way, Mickey's brother could see the way that different path has enriched Mickey's life. After all, he'd been there by Mickey's side, cheering him on at every opportunity.

[Mickey Rapkin]

Despite all of this stuff going on in his life, he's sitting there and he's like, you gotta get the waiters back together. You gotta put on a concert at Carnegie Hall. And you use this show at Carnegie hall as a launching pad to announce, you know, you're bringing the waiters back to campus. There's something about my brother's illness that it's like, so unjust that this athlete, this God that I looked up to my whole life is in this position and I can't fix that. And, like, maybe I can right this other wrong with the waiters.

[Ian Mont]

Mickey's older brother, John Rapkin, passed away on Friday, August 29th. John was 51 years old. It's possible, and maybe even probable that it's too late to bring the waiters back to campus. But in spite of that, both Mickey and Nat hope that the waiters can still be what they once were. Only time will tell.

[Nat Commissar]

Foreign.

[Kristen Bell]

Campus Files is An Odyssey Original Podcast this episode was written and reported by Ian Mont. Campus Files is produced by Ian Mont Eliot Adler and me, Margo Gray. Our executive producers and story editors are Maddie Sprunkiser and Lloyd Lockridge. Campus Files is edited, mixed and mastered by Chris Basel and Andy Jaskowicz. Special thanks to Jenna Weiss Berman, J.D. crowley, Leah Rees Dennis, Maura Curran, Josephina Francis Kurt Courtney, Hilary Schuff, Sean Cherry, Laura Berman and Hilary Van Ornam. Original theme music by James Waterman and Davey Sumner. If you have tips or story ideas, write to us at campus files pod gmail.com what's up guys? I'm Jordan Robinson, host of the podcast the Women's Hoop Show. We're heading towards the home stretch of the WNBA season and there is so much to get into every episode. Twice a week I'm joined by one of my amazing co hosts as we dissect the biggest games, performances and even some off court drama. The playoffs are quickly approaching and now is the best time to tune in. Who will come away as this year's champion? The competition is heating up and so are we. Listen to and follow the Women's Hoop show available now wherever you get your podcasts.