
In this episode, I walk with Captain Fantastic, a kind gentleman dressed in a brilliant captain’s outfit- his own form of soft rebellion. He talks about living life as an expression of himself, never to offend but always to be true. Captain...
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A
Excuse me. Do you have a moment by any chance? Yes, I do this series where I ask people if I could walk with them. I was wondering if I could walk with you.
B
Sure.
A
Is that okay?
B
Is there like a duration or distance?
A
A block or two, Just. However, wherever you're going, I would just walk with you there. Is that okay? And have a conversation. That's my cousin, he's on the camera.
B
Oh, nice to meet you.
A
Or I could hold it for you if you want. Oh, yeah, yeah, just clip it on there.
B
Let me do it right. I don't want to damage you equipment.
A
No, you're fine. It's sturdy. And then. Yeah, so we'll just walk wherever you're going. Where were you walking to?
B
I was going to stop to the mall up here. There are people I frequent every day. My whole life. I've had a lot of acquaintances and I'm used of it. Well, there was a show called the Mike Douglas show when I was a child and a guest said, I have millions of friends, millions of friends. They said they got so many calls. Everybody was like, how come you have millions of friends? But most of us struggle to just have one good friend. One or two good friends. You know, I have always had friends. Friends, and I have them, but I've been mostly to myself. But I like to say that you have a pretty smile and it's a nice day. It's a pretty day for a pretty lady. Is there any questions you want to ask?
A
Yeah, no, I just wanted to.
B
Hello. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Is that one of your many friends, Acquaintances? Hello.
A
Let's take a left. Sorry, let's take a left here so it's less. Less loud, if that's okay.
B
Oh, it's affecting the audio.
A
Yeah. But I want to say thank you for saying I have a pretty smile. I appreciate that.
B
Yes, you do. You. As my cousin would say, I don't want to say her name. Don't be saying my name on camera now. She would say, people like, when you smile, she'll make jokes like, they were all 32s. You got all 32. You know, anything missing or anything like that, which is a good thing. I started dressing this way about 2019 when my mom was admitted to the nursing home. She had to go through three of them. Unfortunately, she died there because she kept getting. She lost her ability to walk. And it happened at 52 when she got like arthritis and diabetes. And that's when I got arthritis in the knees. About 52 or 53. I hope I don't end up like her. Cause I love to walk. She from down south? She did not. Four blocks. I'm taking the bus. You know me, I walk it.
A
Yeah, same. I love walking, too.
B
When I was about 33 or 34, I walked. When we used to live in Bed Stuy, I walked from there to Greenwich, Connecticut. Took me about 11 hours.
A
Oh, my God.
B
I told my mom that morning, it was nine in the morning. I said, where are you going? Or something like that. Said, oh, I'm walking to Connecticut. She didn't believe me. Most mothers wouldn't. Oh, okay.
A
Well, yeah, we could go back this way.
B
Do you all have any questions?
A
I can just keep talking. Yeah, I want to know. No, I have so many questions for you. Is it okay if I ask you some questions? Yeah.
B
Should your cousin be in front of us?
A
Or you can get it from the back. He'll get it from the back for a while. But I was wondering, since you like to take a lot of walks and it sounds like you went on a pretty big adventure, we. What's something you've learned from taking these long walks?
B
It's therapeutic. I'm paranoid schizophrenic, but I've never been arrested. I don't attack people. I've been inferiority complex since fourth grade. That's like. You feel like you don't measure up to peers who may be more popular or more mature. Cause I was a class clown, you know? No one, no doctors ever told me I'm an inferiority complex. That's something I've labeled myself.
A
Oh, I see. But so the walking is therapeutic?
B
Yes. As long as I'm not being attacked by malicious, vicious voices or things, then that makes me want to go in the house. Makes me want to take lesser streets, travel.
A
Okay.
B
You know, like that.
A
Yeah, there's something.
B
Oh, we got the traffic. I don't want to get you hit now.
A
No. It's green for us walking. Especially when you walk for a long time. You're right. It's very therapeutic.
B
Especially when I have my music. It's this hat. So today I said it's not too bad today, so I don't need the headphones. What I hear, like, talk or bad things they can get through the headphone. But that's like, if it's like, really heavy talk.
A
But you could define.
B
I've heard things I don't see. Imaginary things. I've never had that problem.
A
But you could differentiate. What can you differentiate what voices are?
B
I think I told them at one point I couldn't tell the difference between the voices in my imagination. They were blending together somehow. They fit with medication, which I won't say now I just hear. If I hear things, I know it's not my imagination. Plus it would be regular. So it was like three things. You had voices. You had my confusion of imagination. Hearing voices about confusion is added things to it and people. That's three things. And it was like a whole tri state. But there are always what I call the 30% who are always in my corner. The special winners. As it works. It was like the 70% dominated. But it's like a band, like an orchestra. I understand the orchestra. When they keep going, it's a boom boom, ba ba da boom, ba boom. But you gotta be careful with the flute because it doesn't have that boom sound.
A
Right.
B
But that's the instrument you have to be most careful with because it pierces through all that sound.
A
Okay.
B
And it can throw it off if it's not played correctly in tune with what the orchestra. Orchestra man wants or a woman wants. So the 30% were always. Hello. Always. There they are now, but they're more like in pockets, you know, advising me, you know, keep my wits about me and, you know, do what you want to do and things like that. They are more subversive. It's almost like a World War II. What they call the. What you call in French the resistance.
A
Oh, okay.
B
It's like the 30% is the resistance, you know.
A
Let's go this way, if that's okay. I'm not taking up too much of your time, am I?
B
No, not at all.
A
I had a question. So what's.
B
I don't want to mess about. Oh, you still getting trans? Yeah, I did like.
A
Oh, you're okay. You can still hear it, right? What's something you would want people to know about people who have schizophrenia?
B
I can't speak for other people. Cause I understand it's seven different forms. I think my mom, a doctor, told her long ago he's a mild type. He's not like the type who really like severe. And I don't attack people. I like to say that as far, I can't speak for other schizophrenics. It's been a trying time. It's been tough. I haven't hurt myself. I tried hurting myself in the past, but that was over different things.
A
Okay.
B
You know, that wasn't voices. Those were different things that caused that. We got the light yet?
A
Yeah, we got the light, but I.
B
I didn't do it.
A
I'm glad you didn't.
B
Yes, I'm. I'm glad you said that. Makes me feel like I'm not. I'm not a bad. I'm not such a bad individual.
A
You're not. You're not. Even from this walk, I could tell you're a very sweet guy.
B
Yes. My sister said, you got to remember this city is full of all kinds of the personalities.
A
Right.
B
Don't, don't. Don't dog yourself out. Just accept the fact that you're just one of those many personalities. What they say. Like, she didn't say this, but there's a story, a movie. 8 million stories in the naked city, which.
A
Let's go this way because of the trees. But, yeah, keep going.
B
Schizophrenia. I've always heard things I never see, imaginary things. So I can't really say much about schizophrenia. It's been a tough, tough thing. The word tough doesn't describe it. When at the highest point, it was very loud, it could go for 20, 40 blocks, but there was always the 30%. Now they're more in pockets in defense of me. Mostly they want me to keep my wits about me. Don't lose it and don't hurt yourself. You know, like. So. Any other questions?
A
I did have one other question. You mentioned that you started dressing which. I love your outfit, by the way. You started dressing like this. Yes.
B
Since 2019. My mom, she wasn't after. She was only supposed to be there two or three months so they can get her knees to work. But they didn't. And she ended up having to stay because she couldn't walk. Then I started experimenting with clothing and fashion. Julie, I never walked because you got to remember, I'm 58. I'm coming up and. Well, 80s and 90s, the 70s. I'm a child. The disco era. You couldn't wear really nice things. You might get mugged.
A
Oh, I see.
B
A guy told me, you have to know people to wear things like sheepskin and things like that. Cause they will take it off you, you know, and. But down here, the neighborhood changed. I said, if I wear certain things, they're not gonna like that and they're gonna stone me to death. But for some reason, they didn't. They actually. A lot of people thought, that's unique. You know, he's wearing these things. So now I just wear it as a hobby. You know, things like this. Usually when I'm dressed like this, I'm in a good mood.
A
Okay, good. So I caught you on a good day.
B
And it became like a permanent part of My personality. At days I want to dress conservative, but people be worried about me because some of them hear about my past and they be like, you're not intimidated by people. That's why you're dressing normal now, you know? No, just some days I just want to blend in with the crowd.
A
Right.
B
That's when I started dressing in costumes and jewelry and all this stuff. And in fact, on my mom's deathbed, a few days before she died, I used to wear Roman stuff and everything. And I sat in. Wear the Roman helmet. She said, wear what you want to. Rare. But anyway, so.
A
Have you ever wondered. Sorry? Have you ever wondered why maybe. Excuse us. Let's go. Have you ever wondered why it lined up that you started dressing like this around the same time your mom went into the nursing home?
B
I felt freedom because she could. She had a heavy hand on me throughout my life. She explained there's practicality to things. The reason I didn't let you go out all night and stuff like that, like the other kids and do what you want is because everybody knows their child. Everybody knows their child, and you're not like those children. In certain situations, you don't know what to do because you're not in that element. So I have to keep you. You have to be more like walking groups, things like that.
A
She's protecting you, kind of.
B
Yeah. She's Practical reason. It has nothing to do so much with meanness. It's about keeping you safe.
A
Yeah. Yeah.
B
Because the law is you got to keep your child safe pretty much.
A
Right. You know, Sorry we in your way. I'll let you get ahead real quick, maybe. Yeah, we'll blur it out. Don't worry.
B
Okay. She would have fun with it sometime. As I got older, she'd be like, you know, use a nut. You know that? Use a nut. You know, let me know. I'm her nut. She has nut nuts. She accepts my peculiar nut personality jokes and all that. Is there a bee or something? Yeah. Oh, maybe we should watch for this bee. I got a bee sting many years ago and it hurts.
A
Yeah.
B
Yeah. I'm not looking forward to that.
A
Yeah, I think it's gone now.
B
Oh, good. Good, good, good. We're wearing dark clothes. I think they like light stuff.
A
Yeah, that's true.
B
But anyway, so back to the cop. That's. So she was like this transformation because I got to. I felt I was being put in a box as a kid, you know, I wanted to be out at night to go to the dances. This is Bishop Laughlin, where I went oh, really? When I was freshman year, somebody threw a French fry and nickel at me. They missed to hit the table. Do you know I never went back to the cafeteria till my senior year?
A
Really? Because of that?
B
Yeah. Cause I was not only antisocial, but attitude and fearful. That affected me. I hid for, like, the first two years in high school. Stayed in a guidance counselor role. There was another place I stayed in the library. You know, on the surface, it looks. Wow. He's in the library. He's studying. Oh, he's learning. No, he's hiding. You know, so that's how the clothing. It came about because I wanted freedom. Was a soft rebellion, not a hard rebellion. Let me wear these clothes, you know, I'm not wearing things to intentionally offend people. My father wanted me to go to Hampton, a prestigious black university. Back in those days. 85 back then. But I didn't have the heart to tell him, I want to go somewhere where I could spread my wings and be who I want to be.
A
So where did you go?
B
Because if I stay here, I'm confined to it. Because I went to University of South Carolina.
A
Right, okay.
B
Which was sixth in a nation. I did want to go to be advertising copywriter. I want to walk to my own beat. I don't want to be always the class clown, even though in high school I was serious. But the hip kids always know you can't fool them. It's like what Abraham Lincoln said. You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time. The hip was new. He's a square. I'm trying to be cool. And the hip kids is drawing like, that's what he is. I remember I was like, 86 or 87. I'm coming from the university, and I didn't do well. My mom tried to get me back in, but I'm like, that's. I can't catch that stuff within that short amount of time. So I just dropped out. But somehow I'm still. As one rapper said, I'm still live on arrival. They're making a film. I don't want to mess up. Oh, okay. Nice to meet everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Nice accolades from a nice man, a nice gentleman. Yeah, yeah. That's basically it. I didn't have these problems in high school. I didn't have them in college. But yet still I stand. Hello. Any other questions? No, I don't talk. I feel that, in a way, making a joke. I've talked to friends on the phone. For some reason, they start getting sleepy after two or three hours.
A
Really?
B
Are you still there? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, sorry, I'm wondering. Wait a minute. They should hire me. Just put old on the phone for people who sleep deprived and they will be knocked out, actually. Huh.
A
I was gonna say it's been really nice listening to you, actually. Usually I'm like in my head trying to think of the next question, but you just answer all my questions without me even asking them. So it's been nice and relaxing to walk with you. I've kind of just gotten the chance to listen.
B
Thank you. Now to find my way back, I'll have to go back to Florida Street.
A
Do you need help with that? We could walk back with you if you want.
B
I took turns.
A
Okay, yeah, I'll help you.
B
I don't normally walk this way and I am a born raised Brooklynite, but certain areas not because it's like, it's a danger. I had no reason to travel these areas.
A
Yeah, we'll walk back with you. We'll turn right here and then we'll start walking back with you.
B
Oh, okay.
A
Yeah. But the last question I like to ask the person I'm walking with is if you could leave my audience with one message, what would it be?
B
I would say for the young folk, especially those in high school or junior, especially high school. I believe in onward and upward, young fellows and girls and stuff like that. And young fellows and lasses. I think lasses is a fancy word for girls. I don't want to say the wrong thing and somehow receive hate mail over the airwaves. I mean it in a nice way. Don't do like I did. When I went to the university, they had remedial courses. They had everything. I'm messing with this thing again.
A
You're okay. He'll let us know.
B
I didn't take the remedial courses. On my first exam paper, it was red everywhere. Red. I mean, comma, splices, non subject, verb, agreement. All kind of things he said with a wry smile. I think they call that kind of smile. I'm sorry, but you need remedials. That's what you need.
A
So going back to your advice, you were saying for young people, when they go to college, they should do what?
B
They should take the remedial courses.
A
Okay.
B
Because a kid on the university, he was a junior, he told me. I know what your problem is, man. You're proud. You gotta get over that. We'll stop at Satan the. The next block or two, okay? I don't want to eat up all your film and stuff.
A
No, I really enjoyed this. I really appreciate you.
B
I think at the next light, we stop and I continue my walk. I got my bear in my bag. I sit with my bear.
A
Okay.
B
I have two bears.
A
Bears.
B
Bears.
A
Oh, like teddy bears?
B
Stuffed animals.
A
Oh, okay.
B
Let me show you one right now, out of my bag. I got this. Lately, I haven't given them my name. The other one is Brandon Bear from Macy's. I'm not, like, demented. It's just a form of, like, a little buddy. But I know it's a toy.
A
Yeah, I know.
B
I know. It's. Let me see.
A
Oh, it's a panda bear.
B
Let's see the bear.
A
He's so cute.
B
See?
A
Wait, what's his name? You haven't given him.
B
I haven't given my name. Maybe. Maybe Herbie or Kirby or something like that. If he was a dog, I would name him Herbie Fun Doggy.
A
You know, we named these mics.
B
What, Pooba and Pooby.
A
Yeah.
B
So you got a bear.
A
Yeah. He's really cute. It's a boy.
B
Yeah. It looks like a boy.
A
It does look like a boy.
B
Bears were named after. After Teddy Roosevelt. Did you know that? The president.
A
Wait, I might have known that because.
B
He was into, you know, the proper words. Into natural things, animals and forestry. And his name was Teddy. They gave him a compliment and named things like this a teddy bear. But he was nobody to mess with. Yeah, he. Yeah. Yeah. The mayor liked him. He came to a place where I'm at. Yeah. He said, I like the guy with the beads. I like him.
A
Where is that? Oh, no.
B
I don't want to get him dirty. No. Yeah. Feet first. Don't want to blood rush. I get dizzy spells. Even though it's a toy, I don't want to get dizzy spells.
A
You're right.
B
You're right. That's cruelty to air. Cruelty to stuffed animals. Don't do stuff like that.
A
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I really enjoyed our walk. I won't take up too much more of your time, but I can go now.
B
I can let you go.
A
Yeah. Let me grab the microphone, too.
B
Oh, I'm about to walk off with joy.
A
Yeah. Let's come over.
B
I didn't mean to do that. Honestly, I didn't mean to do that.
A
I know. Everyone forgets. One time someone walked off and I had to, like, chase them down, and they had totally forgot. We both forgot.
B
On a bike or something.
A
No, they. They were walking, but I. I didn't Realize until much later that, like, I forgot to grab my mic.
B
A compliment. I say to ladies. Here it goes. I'd like to say that me and you know that you're the star attraction out here and all these other girls are the supporting cast between me and you.
A
Thank you. I appreciate that.
B
It's not you saying that. You're not blowing your own horn. I'm giving you the compliment.
A
I appreciate that. Thank you so much. You gave me so many compliments today.
B
Yes. They roll off the tongue when they're easy on the arms.
A
You're also very handsome and I love your outfit.
B
Thank you for the compliment. Makes the old boy feel good.
A
Good.
B
Makes the old boy feel young and relevant.
A
You are young and relevant always.
B
I have many nicknames. I don't want to use my real name.
A
What nickname should we use?
B
I have cats and. Fantastic.
A
If you go on YouTube, I get a lot of views too. Is that okay?
B
Yes.
A
Okay.
B
In fact, a girl told me I went viral in one of my Roman outfits.
A
Oh, really?
B
She asked, can I take your picture? Are you on Instagram? I don't share Instagram. You take my picture. And another girl told me, who doesn't know this girl, she went viral in that Roman suit. Is that good enough?
A
Yeah, that's good.
B
So you're on YouTube.
A
Yeah. Do you want to take a picture of this so you can watch it when it goes up or.
B
Yes, I know how to take a picture. Picture.
A
Yeah. Let me. And then.
B
And I thank God for this. You being in the these days and chapters of my life today.
A
Yeah. Thank you.
B
Well, it's been nice.
A
Yeah.
B
Meeting you. And I've enjoyed the walk.
A
Same. Yeah.
B
And it feels good to be in your presence.
A
Yours as well, you know.
B
And maybe our foot pass will cross again.
A
Yeah, maybe it will. It will be so magical if it does. Have a good day.
B
See ya.
A
See ya.
Podcast Summary: Can I Walk With You?
Episode: “This is what it actually feels like to have schizophrenia…”
Host: Thoraya
Date: October 2, 2025
Location: New York City
In the season opener of "Can I Walk With You?", Thoraya invites a Brooklyn native (referred to as B) for a walk through NYC. The conversation unfolds spontaneously as they stroll, focusing on themes of mental health—particularly schizophrenia—personal history, coping mechanisms, and the expression of individuality. B generously shares insights into his lived experience with schizophrenia, memories of his family, fashion choices, and lessons for young people.
“Most of us struggle to just have one good friend. One or two good friends. ...I've always had friends... but I've been mostly to myself.” ([00:42])
“I'm paranoid schizophrenic, but I've never been arrested. I don't attack people.” ([04:01])
“It's therapeutic. ...As long as I'm not being attacked by malicious, vicious voices or things, then that makes me want to go in the house.” ([04:01], [04:35])
“There are always what I call the 30% who are always in my corner... The 70% dominated. ...It's like a band, like an orchestra... But you gotta be careful with the flute because it pierces through all that sound.” ([05:31]–[06:51]) “The 30% is the resistance, you know.” ([07:30])
“I understand it's seven different forms. ...I can't speak for other schizophrenics. It's been a trying time. ...I haven't hurt myself. I tried hurting myself in the past, but that was over different things.” ([07:53]–[08:39])
Dressing differently became a form of self-expression, tied to a feeling of new freedom ([10:29]–[13:00]):
“I felt freedom because she had a heavy hand on me throughout my life. ...It's about keeping you safe.” ([13:00], [13:49])
Childhood experiences of being “put in a box,” as well as memories of discrimination and shyness at school, influenced his desire to express himself ([14:40]–[16:20]):
“It was a soft rebellion, not a hard rebellion. Let me wear these clothes, you know, I'm not wearing things to intentionally offend people.” ([15:18])
“Don't do like I did. ... I didn't take the remedial courses. ...You gotta get over that.” ([19:29]–[20:39])
“It's just a form of, like, a little buddy. But I know it's a toy.” ([21:20])
On Friendship & Isolation
Describing Schizophrenia
On Personal Growth and Rebellion
On Advice for Young People
A Sweet Goodbye
The tone is warmly conversational, dotted with humor, poignant anecdotes, and respect. Both Thoraya and B approach sensitive topics with candor, compassion, and mutual curiosity. B’s openness about his mental health, sense of style, and challenges is both disarming and enlightening, making the episode a heartfelt and honest portrait of resilience and individuality.
This episode provides an intimate, street-level look at what living with schizophrenia can feel like, beyond stereotypes or clinical labels. Through candid storytelling and gentle wisdom, B offers not just a glimpse into his world, but advice and encouragement for all—reminding listeners to accept themselves, seek support, and walk their own unique path.