124: A Conversation with Kayla Malec on Life After Speaking Out About an Abusive Relationship

Summary

Podcast Summary: Cancelled with Tana Mongeau & Brooke Schofield

Episode: 124
Title: A Conversation with Kayla Malik on Life After Speaking Out About an Abusive Relationship
Release Date: June 20, 2025

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1. Introduction to the Episode and Guest (01:24 - 02:10)

In this heartfelt episode of Cancelled, hosts Tana Mongeau and Brooke Schofield welcome their guest, Kayla Malik. The hosts express their excitement and pride in having Kayla share her personal journey, particularly her experience in speaking out about an abusive relationship. Tana emphasizes Kayla's authenticity and her ability to transform a painful experience into a movement that empowers others.

Tana Malik (02:05): "You were able to turn something so unfortunate into such a beautiful movement. I hope you feel so proud of yourself."

2. Public Disclosure and Its Immediate Effects (02:10 - 04:05)

Kayla discusses the daunting process of publicly sharing her abuse story. She recounts technical challenges she faced while uploading her video series titled "He Doesn't Love You," including losing files and uploading errors. Despite these obstacles, the impact of her videos proved significant in raising awareness and encouraging others to leave abusive relationships.

Kayla Malik (03:20): "If I post this and nobody sees it, I feel like it didn't do what it meant to do... but then it was just so heavy."

3. Dealing with Social Media Backlash and Online Abuse (04:05 - 07:01)

After her videos gained traction, Kayla received overwhelming support but also faced harsh criticism and negative comments from individuals who dismissed her vulnerability. She expresses the emotional toll of reading derogatory remarks questioning the authenticity of her feelings and the sincerity of her actions.

Kayla Malik (05:39): "People think they can just critique your personality and have anything they want."

4. The Abusive Relationship: Unveiling the Truth (07:01 - 16:13)

Kayla delves deeper into the dynamics of her abusive relationship. She describes how her partner, Evan Johnson, systematically undermined her self-esteem and controlled her financially and emotionally. Friends and family began to see the changes in Kayla, prompting her to recognize the toxicity of the relationship. The revelation led to a painful but necessary breakup.

Kayla Malik (15:07): "He hates everything I love about myself. That's when I realized this dude was serious."

5. Legal Actions and Consequences for the Abuser (16:13 - 25:12)

Following the breakup, Kayla took legal action against Evan for domestic violence. She details the challenges within the judicial system, including limitations on transferring charges between states. Ultimately, Evan was sentenced to 22 days in jail for probation violations and other charges. Kayla expressed relief that his actions were being held accountable, preventing him from harming others in the future.

Kayla Malik (23:06): "He's always wanted his name to trend, and now it is—for being a woman beater."

6. Healing and Personal Growth Post-Abuse (25:12 - 36:27)

Kayla shares her ongoing healing journey, highlighting the difficulties of overcoming trauma and rebuilding trust in relationships. She acknowledges the lasting impact of her past experiences on her current behavior, such as becoming defensive in new relationships. However, she remains optimistic about her ability to heal and find healthy connections in the future.

Kayla Malik (30:11): "You are in an era where you're healing in ways you never thought possible."

7. Navigating Online Harassment and Bot Manipulation (36:27 - 55:00)

The conversation shifts to the pervasive issue of online harassment and the use of bots to manipulate public perception. Kayla and Kayla discuss how both she and her friend James Charles discovered that their social media platforms were being manipulated with fake comments to sway public opinion—negative for Kayla and positive for James. They explore the challenges of combating such tactics and the emotional strain it places on individuals seeking to tell their truth.

Kayla Malik (52:02): "It's like a website where you can buy comments to shift the narrative. It's the final boss of online manipulation."

8. Future Aspirations and Community Support (55:00 - 74:46)

Towards the end of the episode, Kayla expresses her desire to create a short film that portrays her experiences, symbolizing her journey through abuse and healing. The hosts and Kayla discuss potential collaborative projects and the importance of supporting each other's creative endeavors. They emphasize the value of community and authentic connections in personal growth and overcoming adversity.

Kayla Malik (67:36): "I would love to act out what I went through to symbolize my journey."

9. Closing Remarks and Messages of Support (74:46 - End)

In the final moments, the hosts and Kayla exchange heartfelt messages, reaffirming their support and admiration for Kayla's courage and resilience. They highlight the importance of staying true to oneself amidst public scrutiny and online negativity, encouraging listeners to focus on their own healing and authenticity.

Tana Malik (75:31): "You're messy, unapologetically yourself... keep speaking your truth."

---

Notable Quotes:

• Tana Malik (02:05): "You were able to turn something so unfortunate into such a beautiful movement."

• Kayla Malik (03:20): "If I post this and nobody sees it, I feel like it didn't do what it meant to do."

• Kayla Malik (15:07): "He hates everything I love about myself."

• Kayla Malik (30:11): "You are in an era where you're healing in ways you never thought possible."

• Kayla Malik (52:02): "It's like a website where you can buy comments to shift the narrative."

• Kayla Malik (67:36): "I would love to act out what I went through to symbolize my journey."

This episode offers a profound exploration of the challenges faced by individuals who publicly disclose experiences of abuse. Through Kayla Malik's candid sharing, listeners gain insight into the complexities of healing, the pervasive nature of online harassment, and the importance of authenticity and community support in overcoming personal trauma.

Transcript

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[Kayla Malik]

Hello, and welcome back to the cancelled podcast.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, my God.

[Kayla Malik]

We have Kayla Malik in the building.

[Guest Speaker]

Hi.

[Kayla Malik]

And I'm so. Oh, my God, I'm so happy you're here.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm like, still trying to process this. It's like the second we started recording, I'm like, in a shell right now. Wait. Okay, wait. I'm.

[Kayla Malik]

No. And you're fine.

[Emma]

We're so excited.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm so fucking excited.

[Kayla Malik]

I'm so excited to have you. And this is long overdue. She told us right before we started filming that you had this on your vision board. And I was like, dude.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, no, this is the one podcast. I watch this and then not love flying.

[Kayla Malik]

Yes. Like, I love you. First of all, I love you for that. And it's crazy because we were talking a while ago and wanted to have you on canceled, like, forever ago. And we were going to do it when you were doing the makeup. Like, people doing your makeup.

[Guest Speaker]

Thank God we waited.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah. Oh, my. I know. And it's crazy how much ends up, like, happening. And I still want to do something like that, like something light and fun, but I was just like, oh, my God. Cuz even, like. And I don't even know where I want to, like, begin Here because there's so much to unpack. But, I mean, I first of all just want to say, and we talked about this on Canceled, like, already. So forgive me for, you know, just harping on this. But, like, I am so proud of you, like, truly. I just. I always have thought that you are so authentically yourself, and that is such a beautiful thing. And I know how hard it is to, like, sometimes really talk about something that is so close to your heart and, like, share it to the world. And we were talking about it a little bit in the beginning, but even since you and I had that conversation in the beginning, so much has unfolded, and it's like, it's just so special to me that you and you've always been, like, a marketing genius, first of all. And not this is just marketing, but I'm saying that you were able to turn something so unfortunate, somebody else's actions that were so horrible, into such a beautiful movement. And, like, I don't know, just the amount of women who I feel like I've seen in your comments who are like, you've encouraged me to leave, you've done this. Like, I hope you feel so fucking proud of yourself.

[Guest Speaker]

It's, like, scary, because I get emails even now, and that video was posted almost two months ago. People like sharing their story and. And, like, it's. I don't even know how to, like, put it into words, but it feels like a weight, but in a good way. It's like, I'm so honored that people feel comfortable to share it with me, but then it's like, I don't ever know how to respond to it. It's like, I don't even know how I'm dealing with it yet, but it's like, I don't know. It was scary. It was so scary. And it was like the world was working against me when I was posting. He doesn't love you. Because I spent like, oh, my God. I filmed that video for six hours. And there was a Part one. Part two is supposed to be just, like, one whole video. Imovie crashed, lost all the files, had a refilm part 2, and then YouTube uploaded the wrong one. It was like, actually like a show. Like, it was a show. And I was like, that is the worst.

[Kayla Malik]

First of all, let me tell you something. I'm crashing out about Final Cut Pro or, you know, once a week, once a day. It is just something is always going wrong. So I feel you on that.

[Guest Speaker]

That.

[Kayla Malik]

But it's like, it's very cool that you prevailed and Even just, like, through that, like, got it all out there. And I even just, like, I feel like people don't often take into account the fact that you then had to sit and re watch that in the edit.

[Guest Speaker]

And that is what sucked. Because, like, even at the end with, like, all the videos included of, like, the actual abuse happening, I had never re watched those videos. And then I had to to sit and put it into the video. So I'm sitting there, like, put re watching those videos, putting it in, and then having to look back at exact dates and times. And then, like, once it's posted, it's like to have to relive it again because it's getting clipped and people are commenting about it. And I'm like, so happy because I'm so happy that it did what it was meant to do. Because I was like, if I post this and nobody sees it, I feel like it didn't do what it meant to do, like, to help other people and to bring awareness. But then even when it, like, did what it did, it was just stressful because it's like, yeah, it's heavy. It's so heavy. And like, yeah, it was a lot. Especially because, like, for the past nine months, I had been posting this dude every fucking day. And it seems so perfect. And that's something people, like, brought up. I get tagged in my old videos. It was like, but you look so happy in this. And I was like, holy shit. But I did.

[Emma]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

And that's like, what spiraled me, like, seeing how. But I faked it.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah. And it's so easy to, like, sometimes in that situation. That's a coping mechanism to try to keep the peace. And it sucks that even societally, like, you are having to deal with people, like, trying to rebuttal you or even the fact that you felt like you had to include these videos because, like, what if people didn't believe Just my word, like, you know what I mean?

[Guest Speaker]

And that's what actually, like, makes me want to cry, is the fact that I know for a fucking fact if I did not have video proof or picture proof, nobody would have believed it. And I know.

[Kayla Malik]

I know, dude.

[Emma]

I feel because you see it happen to so many people, and that's what sucks.

[Guest Speaker]

And especially since, like, y' all talked about this on, like, a few episodes ago where it's like, she's annoying, but I feel bad for her. I feel like if I didn't have the videos, it would have been like, oh, but she's, like, annoying on social media. So, like, is she just doing this for Cloud 100. That's like, so insane to me.

[Kayla Malik]

It's so insane to me that, like, people sharing their trauma, people being vulnerable. What you did was so noble, so hard, like, so hard to do. And then it invites all these people to like, think that they can then just critique your personality and have anything.

[Emma]

Negative to say in a scenario like that when they know, especially just like, what you've been through. It's like, how.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, it's like, yeah, hi. How the fuck do you watch a video of somebody Like. And the videos that I posted genuinely had like one or two edits in them. The second part of like, he doesn't love you, part two, no edits.

[Kayla Malik]

Like, it was so clearly authentic.

[Guest Speaker]

So authentic, so vulnerable. And I've like, it was the hardest thing I've ever posted. And then for people to have the audacity to be like, well, you were annoying in the past. Like, what? Who are you to comment that?

[Emma]

Like, that's so dumb.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, I just. Because now it's like, oh, she's dragging it. It's like, all about home to my room. Sorry.

[Kayla Malik]

You're fine, girl. You're booked. Busy as you should be, as you deserve. Okay.

[Emma]

I so don't subscribe to that concept of like, like dragging it on. Or like, oh, she's still talking about.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, let it go.

[Emma]

It's like, if something that horrible and that like, life changing happens to you, you should be allowed to talk about it for however long you need saying, like.

[Guest Speaker]

And I responded to people. I was like, oh, I was crashing the out. I had a bottle of wine and I was on my phone and this stupid Jennifer, I think her name was, she was like, bro, she was on some. Like, you're dragging this on. I was like, you, your boyfriend cheated on you in sixth grade and you're still going on about it like that.

[Emma]

Like, I find Jennifer's family, I'll. I'll send it to them.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, they're doxed.

[Kayla Malik]

Like, yeah, no, it is. It's because it's fudgeing nuts. That is the thing.

[Emma]

Your daughter's doing this?

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, she has an elf bar under her pillow. Babe, go.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah, like fudgeing. Exactly, though. It is so crazy. And it's like, if these people had the horrible things in their life, these two, like, aired out to the world, you know what I mean? Like, they probably wouldn't be able to handle, like, you are handling this with just like, even now, like, it's not like, a lot of people would probably also maybe Drop this and, like, fall off the face of the earth. And I think it's so dope that you're like, no, I'm going to fucking keep podcasting. And I am quote, unquote, drag as you should drag.

[Guest Speaker]

Drag it the fuck on. Like, yeah, it's so, like. Because I was like, okay, what do you want me to do? Okay, I got. I got my shit rocked for nine months. Let me just, like, do the Renegade tomorrow. Like, are you actually serious? And it's like, I have since I started social media, as annoying as it was, because also, like, I grew up online in a way because I started when I was 15. So it's like, I've always documented everything. So what do I look like dropping this heavy information and then healing offline and then going online? Like, get ready with me? Like, that's dumb.

[Kayla Malik]

Also, just how many people you are helping by documenting your healing process as well. Like, again, like, no matter how you handle it, I think it's beautiful. If you did want to just make get ready with me, I would still be like, yes, bitch. Work put that blush on. Right? You know what I mean? It's just like the fact that you are saying, like, look, like, this is still affecting me, and this is so. I just had to go to court and I'm. Now I'm worried about these things and I'm whatever. Like, you are being so real and I think. But also inspiring people that you can be multifaceted and life can heal. Because there might be these moments of weakness, but there's also these moments where you and Jacob are, like, sitting on a couch and laughing and making jokes. And that's exactly that.

[Guest Speaker]

And that's the thing. It's like, I just want to be able to, like. And I'm trying to focus on the people. Like, oh, this is helping me instead of the, oh, she's dragging it. It's just like, it's so hard to be the perfect victim. And I'm pretty sure Brianna Chicken Fry talked about that.

[Emma]

Like, I was just thinking about it. Yeah, you said that.

[Guest Speaker]

She's like, oh, you can't be the perfect victim. Because it's like. And then even if I did move on from it right away, they'd be like, oh, so how are you just not caring?

[Emma]

Yeah, it's a lose, lose, Right? I just think, like, people sometimes forget that they have the ability to scroll. And it's like, if you don't want to see it anymore, you don't have to see it anymore. But there are a lot of people who, who need to see it.

[Guest Speaker]

Right?

[Emma]

You know what I mean? Like, because it's not, it doesn't just go away. Like it's not like one day you're like, that happened. It's over.

[Guest Speaker]

No, literally. And that's the thing. It's like I know for a lot of people it's probably heavy to keep seeing this shit on your free page, which is like I've talked about. Like I know it sucks you go on my account. It's like deep, like kind of sometimes depressing things. But it's like that's what I'm going through.

[Kayla Malik]

And you're also helping somebody.

[Guest Speaker]

Exactly. Like somebody needs to see that somebody's going through the same thing. And then like this one like volleyball coach made a video and she was like, I coached these 13 year old girls at this middle school and they watched your video. And she was like, it really brought me to tears. Because now they're 13 knowing what DV is and what to look out for. And I'm like, that's exactly why I'm doing it. Because truly. And I've said this a million fucking times. If I saw that video, if somebody else had made that video, posted it and I saw that five months ago, I would have left. Yeah, I would have known it wasn't normal. But I felt so alone, so embarrassed. So like is this real? Is this normal? Cuz like when somebody can make you feel so low. But the next day like, because I remember the day after he had rock my shit.

[Kayla Malik]

I love your user. Honestly. I love your every time. I know I feel so bad.

[Emma]

No, no, no.

[Kayla Malik]

But you're me.

[Emma]

Like ever you want to say you're me.

[Kayla Malik]

I'm like I'm I. That where I'm coping with it. You know what I mean?

[Guest Speaker]

Like, it's like yeah, after he like rocked my in Hawaii.

[Kayla Malik]

I'm not lying.

[Emma]

I double down.

[Guest Speaker]

No, please laugh.

[Kayla Malik]

I just love you.

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[Guest Speaker]

We like went on the beach and we were talking and he like, dead ass. Like, imagine this man's doing all that. The next day we wake up and he grabs my ring finger and he's like, I'm going to put a ring on this, that white picket fence house. Like, I'm going to marry you. Like you're going to be Kayla Johnson. So it's like, okay, I'm going to forget what just happened because it's like, you guys, you.

[Emma]

You are so like, I don't know. The negative feelings are so strong that it almost like when you come back together, it feel you feel closer because you just like want to feel that so badly. Attach yourself to that feeling. Oh, it is a drug. It literally is a drug. And that's how so many people get caught up in abusive relationships for. For years and years.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah, because it also, on day one, it never starts like that and it snowballs and it is. We always talk about this, but a to relationship is arguably sometimes a harder addiction to break than like a drug addiction because it's those lows of no dopamine and then the serotonin and dopamine when you seek the approval and the whatever. And obviously also, like, we're all just girls who want someone to love us, and you know what I mean? Then you would develop this attachment to, like, you know what I mean, just this person. And it is. It's that dopamine and that roller coaster addiction. Like, I found myself in so many toxic situations for that reason for so long, and it's. It is just wild. And it's unfortunate that people like him also prey on that, you know, and like, know, like know what they're doing, you know, knew what he was doing.

[Guest Speaker]

The second I met him. And it makes me so sick. And I can't blame myself for not realizing, but, like, from the day I met him, he knew what he was doing. And then he. We were. He went to jail. Like, so when we met, I met him in Tennessee and then I flew back down to see him again and he had a court hearing for probation violation because he's a fucking dumb ass. Like, what the fuck are you doing? Put the fucking bottle down, Dr. You idiot.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

And so he gets sentenced to jail for 22 days. We're calling on the jail phone every day for 22 days. And since the day he got out of jail, of us knowing each other for maybe a month, we were together every single day until we broke up.

[Kayla Malik]

Probably also just latching onto your light, latching onto your success. And that's one latching on to this.

[Guest Speaker]

Brennan, one of my really good friends, he brought this up to me and it's when I started to realize, oh, this needs to end. He looked at me and he was like, kayla, he fucking hates you and everything you love about yourself. How you could talk to people, how you. You're just like, you're a talkative, optimistic person. He fucking hates. And I realize that, like, he hates everything I love about myself. And that's when I was like, holy shit. Like, this dude, like, dead ass.

[Emma]

I'll suck the life out of you.

[Guest Speaker]

He 100% did. There was, like, in December, right before things ended and we went to Hawaii, where we finally broke up. I did not leave my bed for a month. Like, it was the Most. Oh, it was just horrible. It was horrible. Like, he sucked everything I loved about myself out of me to where I was like a shell. And I remember. And I'd go to film at Tick Tock. I'd like, have to, like, be like, okay. I'd literally sit there and watch my old videos to see how I would act. And I would be like, okay. So I'd say this. Yeah. I'd have to, like, remind myself of who I used to be.

[Kayla Malik]

You got me. Oh, no, no, you really did. Because that's, like, so real. You know what I mean? Like, oh, I just love you. That. That's so sad though. Like, someone really will suck the life out of you so hard that you, like, don't even remember who you once used.

[Guest Speaker]

I literally did not know who I was. And that was the hardest part is like. And I went back home in December for my birthday. And I remember, like, my sister and my dad were like, you're so different. And I was like, what? But I was like. It's like I literally was the shell of who I was and I was becoming who he wanted me to be, which was like this, like.

[Kayla Malik]

Like submissive.

[Guest Speaker]

Submissive ass.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah. And you are the exact opposite of that. You've always, like, done you want to do. I remember even just stupid shit, like when. Just like silly shit. When you were, like, releasing piercings at Spencer's, I was like, I know there's probably someone in a suit telling her to release something. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you do exactly what's authentically to you and what's loud and what's on brand for you. And that's always who you've been. And I feel like that happens a lot sometimes too, to like, the loud, outspoken women like this guy. Guys will be so obsessed with that. And then they have it and then they're like, I can't handle this. And she outshines me and I feel inferior, so I'm going to dull her down.

[Guest Speaker]

Yes. And I remember I brought him with me to one of my Spencer's photo shoots. And he was sitting there, my mom told me, she was like, are you sure you want to bring him? Because my parents honestly were always spectacle of him. And I was like, no, he's great, whatever. And my mom was like, do not let him give any notes or control, like, the directive. And he was sitting there dead ass being like, no, maybe you should do this. Maybe you should release this.

[Kayla Malik]

And it's like, what the fuck do you know? You're not successful.

[Guest Speaker]

Thank you.

[Kayla Malik]

Like, you are. You build this brand.

[Guest Speaker]

He was financially responsible on me the entire duration of our relationship until I got him on the Snapchat payment program in December.

[Emma]

Like, you were paying for him everything.

[Guest Speaker]

He could not afford water if I didn't buy it for him. So, like, it's so insane. That's what would with me. It's like, how do you feel?

[Emma]

You should have been controlling him.

[Guest Speaker]

I just been slapping him, like, yeah, 100. Which is crazy. Like, how the. Are you gonna put hands on me and then know that you rely on me to drink water?

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, literally.

[Kayla Malik]

That's actually so crazy when you put it that way. But, yeah, I. I guess in my opinion, like, psychologically, what I think it is is it's like he feels so inferior that that's the only way he can, like, cope with it, which is pathetic.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Kayla Malik]

Fuck. Like. And there are so many men like that.

[Guest Speaker]

I found out after that he had been violent with his girlfriend before me and that, oh, they might get mad at me for this. Sorry, y' all. That his fucking brother has been violent with women, too. Like, it runs in the family, which is insane to me.

[Kayla Malik]

And then you wonder just, like, the childhood. Like, what happened in the childhood? What was his father and that he was adopted.

[Guest Speaker]

So he was adopted, but at a very young age. And right now, I'll even sit here and say his adoptive parents are the nicest people ever. They make great money. They've always done everything for him if he wanted anything, if he was short on money. Hey, mom, can you help me with this? Of course, sweetie. Like, great parents. So it does not make sense why he ended up the way he did.

[Kayla Malik]

I know. Sometimes I always wonder if it's, like, the adverse that, like. Like, I don't know. I've dated a lot of guys with, like, yes, mommies that tell them they're perfect, and then it, like, spirals there, you know what I mean? Into, like, their narcissism, you know what I mean?

[Guest Speaker]

This was a narcissist. And he's gonna admit it to me. Like, he only cared about and loved himself.

[Kayla Malik]

Like, yeah, 100. And just, like, that's so sad just to, like, prey on you in that sense. And in every sense. And just like. And it is just crazy, too, like, the fact that you just saying you were watching your old videos. Really? I just can't get over that. Because it is so crazy to get someone to a point that, like, you know, and it is. It's also just so wild on the flip side, of the coin. We were talking about this how, like, we would go to your page when all of this was happening and you look perfectly happy. And it's like, how. Just it's. You don't. You never know what someone's going through.

[Guest Speaker]

That's the thing. It's like, so insane because even I watched them back and I'm like, oh, wait, he did. Like, because when I went to Hawaii, like, oh, my God, the thing that went so viral, it was like, is he gonna propose to me this and that? Like, literally, that trip, he was rocking my shit, so it's like, so insane to watch that shit back and, like, know what was going on. And then I was on the phone with my stepsister earlier and she was like, oh, you never called me on my birthday. And I was like, oh, yeah, he beat the fuck out of me that day. Like, sorry.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Like. And then when. Cuz I've never honestly, like, told my dad to him about what happened. He's just, like, seen videos and shit. So he knows. But it's like, even him, he was like, I had no idea. Like, nobody knew. Emma didn't know the extent of it until she'd walk into it and I'd sit there and be like, you don't know what you saw. Yeah, it's just like, nobody knew.

[Kayla Malik]

Well, and it's the isolation. Like, oh, my God. You know, being with, like, someone like that, like, you, they will condition you to be afraid to say anything. And then it's like. You know what I mean? It just feels like this big secret that you're, like, harboring. And then it's like the shame. You start, like, you can start to get your own head about that. And it's so wild.

[Emma]

I feel like that's a major measure. Like, when I, in the past have start, like, stopped telling my friends things or felt like, ashamed to tell my friends things. Like, I feel like that's when you should always know that something is wrong because.

[Guest Speaker]

Right.

[Emma]

Like, you shouldn't be ashamed to tell your friends or your. Your family or whatever.

[Kayla Malik]

And I just can't even express to you, once again, just how iconic and amazing it is that you went from a point in your life where your best friends and family didn't even know about this, to exporting and uploading that to the world. Like, talk about a turnaround.

[Guest Speaker]

Talk about, like, oh, my God, one thing that feels so good is I remember when we were breaking up and I woke up and I was so pissed because in Hawaii, I ended up breaking it off with him because he put hands on me in front of too many people to hide it up. And then I told myself right before, that's crazy too.

[Kayla Malik]

Because when they start getting comfortable doing it in public in Hawaii, what the.

[Guest Speaker]

Fuck are you mad about? In Hawaii? Like, what the fuck?

[Emma]

Right?

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, the beach. That's what I'm. We're. Cliff.

[Kayla Malik]

But I dated people like that. So goddamn miserable with themselves that you could literally be looking at the most beautiful sunset on the most beautiful vacation that you didn't pay for. Mind you.

[Guest Speaker]

Thank you.

[Kayla Malik]

Thank you.

[Guest Speaker]

And like, what are you fucking mad about? And so he did it. And then I told myself, I was like, the day that I tell my mom is the day that it will end. And so I ran like down the road into a cul de sac and I called my mom and I was like, he's been physical with me. Da da da da. And I was like, okay, it's over. And then we ended up ending. And I looked at him and I was like, I'm going to ruin your fucking life.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

I was like, I will ruin you.

[Kayla Malik]

Because you ruined mine. You know?

[Guest Speaker]

And I fucking did. His name is trending. And he's always wanted his name to trend and now the fuck it is. Your name is trending.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

For being a woman beater.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

You. You look his name up on Google. It's Evan Johnson arrested.

[Kayla Malik]

And thank God.

[Guest Speaker]

Thank God.

[Emma]

And hopefully he won't be able to do it to anybody else as a result.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah, that's. And that's also just another like beautiful side of it. Yeah. Like stopping this person because imagine you guys just broke up. And then he went and prayed on another influencer.

[Guest Speaker]

Here's something that's actually fucking insane. I've. I haven't talked about this. So when we broke up before I went public with everything, he started talking to this new girl and they had been seeing each other and she didn't have TikTok or anything. So I released the YouTube video and Evan was hanging out with her every day. Like they were about to date. And she texts one of our friends and is like, hey, my friend just sent me the YouTube video. I don't have social media. I had no idea this was going on. But we've been together for the past month and I just realized I blocked him. And she was like, he was starting to get like low key physical with me. He would grab me really hard on Broadway. And then she found out that she was pregnant with his kid right before he went to jail.

[Emma]

Oh, no.

[Guest Speaker]

Like how fucking insane.

[Kayla Malik]

You saved that girl's life.

[Guest Speaker]

And it's insane though. And this. Oh, fuck. This is like the huge part. Fuck. Sorry.

[Kayla Malik]

You're fine, girl.

[Guest Speaker]

She. The reason that they connected is because she was crying to him. Being like, I was in a really abusive relationship. Like, this guy put me in the hospital. And Evan looks at her and goes, yeah, no, I get you. Like, my ex girlfriend abused me really bad. She cheated on me. Like she'd beat the fuck out of me.

[Emma]

And then her favorite move in reverse.

[Guest Speaker]

And then she found out he lied about everything and that he was beating me.

[Emma]

Stolen story.

[Guest Speaker]

Stolen, stolen, stolen. Ballard. Like, bye.

[Kayla Malik]

It's so that. And like, think about how fucking insane how much of a monster you have to be to either first of all, just already be on to the next. Like the fact that even in that time span he's already grabbing some other girl's arm and doing that. And to flip the. Oh my God. Imagine sitting there burn in hell.

[Guest Speaker]

This girl sitting there crying about this guy put me in a hospital.

[Kayla Malik]

And he's thinking, perfect victim.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh my God too. Like, my ex was really abusive bitch. The one thing I ever did is I slapped you in the face for calling me a slut. And then you shut me down a subway. So it's like you made that even.

[Emma]

And slapped him harder.

[Guest Speaker]

I wish to God I did. I wish to God I did.

[Kayla Malik]

You also become a product of that environment. Like, I think about the person that I was in, like my most toxic relationship. Like, you know what? I'm not that person. Like, now that my nervous system is calm and I'm with someone, like, happy, healthy, like I would never throw a lamp across the room. Like, I like, you get so, so lost in this world that like, you're matching the energy and if anything as well, like, it's like you're protecting yourself. Yeah. You know what I mean? It becomes like your defense mechanism against this person.

[Guest Speaker]

He made me somebody I did not know I was like. And I'm still dealing with this now because I've. I'm talking to some new guy, whatever. And like, I've noticed that Evan has made me such a toxic ass bitch. Like in ways that I never was.

[Emma]

I was like that in a new relationship. She relationship too. Because it's like you're so used to this, like being afraid to say things and stuff. So I was acting so differently.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Emma]

Than I normally would. And you have to like really take a second sometimes to like.

[Kayla Malik]

And once some recalibrate violates your trust like that yeah, you know what I mean? And violates all of these things. You're now doing all these things just innately to protect yourself.

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[Kayla Malik]

What patterns are you noticing now?

[Guest Speaker]

God, like, it's so annoying. Like, so I'm talking to this new guy and I noticed that I get so defensive immediately because I'm so used to that. So, like, if there's an issue, I'm immediately defensive and I cuss him out and I say the rudest fucking shit. Like, I'm such a bitch Like, I'll sit here and be like, fuck you. You're dumb as fuck. You're a bitch. You're a. And it's like, I didn't mean that. Like, I didn't mean to fucking call you those names. Like, why did I do that? It was a simple conversation.

[Kayla Malik]

And.

[Guest Speaker]

And then one thing I hate is I can't, like, play wrestle anymore. You know how, like, y' all are wrestling. Can't do that anymore, which pisses me off.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah. But, like, at the same time, that's. Don't blame yourself for that. Don't say, I can't do.

[Guest Speaker]

Right.

[Kayla Malik]

Like, someone fucking made me.

[Guest Speaker]

Made me that.

[Kayla Malik]

Unable to. Yeah. Like, that's not your fault at all. And it is. Yeah, it's wild. Like, you know what I mean? Because you're doing it just in defense. And I will say, though, it's, like, so noble and incredible that you're already, like, recognizing that. And I think that you are just so smart, like, you will be so willing to work through that. And it's. It takes years to undo.

[Guest Speaker]

And that's what's so annoying. It's, like, why? It's like. And it's something I can't harp on because it's like, there's nothing I could do. But it's so annoying that this one guy has made it such a. Like, has actually affected my life to where it will go on for years and years and years. And, like, I'll tell my kids about this, and, like, I can never trust a dude in the same way. And that's one thing. It's like, I could look at it in a positive or a negative. Like, it sucks that I'll ever be the same, but thank God I'm not, because I won't be as naive. I know what to look out for. But it's. It sucks because I was the most trusting girl ever. Like, I was so trusting. And I would give everybody my full heart. And that's, like, what a lot of people deserve. Because, like, I'm sure this new guy I'm talking to, he wouldn't me over. So it's like, why am I being a dick to him out of what I've been through? But I can't blame myself for that. And it's just like, this constant circle of, like, you know?

[Kayla Malik]

But you will continue to grow and continue to heal from so many of these things, you know, I feel like you'll heal from these things in ways that you never, ever think right now that you're even capable of.

[Emma]

Yeah.

[Kayla Malik]

And I think that like, the new normal is so important too. Like, you know, because it's so easy to be, like, I wish I could just be that girl that I was before this.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Kayla Malik]

And it's a hard thing to kind of almost mourn like, who you once were. You know what I mean? But you, you will find a new normal. And I just, I hope you do. Just at night, you go to bed and you focus on all of the good that you've done.

[Guest Speaker]

That in such good words, to mourn the person I used to be. That is a hundred percent what it is.

[Kayla Malik]

But, you know, but you're also now there's that you have to think of all of the new amazing things that you are. Like, you are so, you are so well spoken and so strong and so smart and like, you, you have your own back in a way that you've never had your own back before. Like, you know what I mean?

[Emma]

And no one's ever going to take advantage of you in the way that you've been taken advantage of.

[Kayla Malik]

Yes.

[Emma]

Find somebody who like meets you halfway and is like, very patient with you because, like, obviously there are like, little things about you now that maybe.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah. That you want to work on.

[Emma]

Any, like, guy worth D is gonna understand, like, first of all, what you've been through and.

[Guest Speaker]

Right.

[Emma]

And adapt accordingly. You know what?

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah.

[Emma]

Like, right.

[Guest Speaker]

And that's, that's what I'm hoping for. And it's more the annoying part that like, I hate being single, but I know I like, have to be because, like, you gotta heal.

[Emma]

Nobody likes being single.

[Guest Speaker]

Nobody. Yeah, it's like, it's, it's a major part in life. Which is like.

[Kayla Malik]

I will just say, even with like, Trisha and I always talk about how Moses and Makoa both like, definitely sat by us while we still weren't fully healed up here and we're patient and dealt with our. That we were carrying from these past things. That is like, you are absolutely. Because you are so, like, lovable and fun. You're gonna find the perfect person. You're lovable, you're funny, you're smart, you're beautiful. Like, and so like, it's crazy how beautiful you are in person too. It's wild.

[Guest Speaker]

Three hours on the makeup chair.

[Kayla Malik]

Baby. No, but just like your bone structure. I'm talking about your bones. You are so beautiful. And, and I get you wanting to like, date and whatever, but being single is also just a beautiful thing.

[Guest Speaker]

I do like being single and I, I enjoy the freedom of it. But it's also like I love a FaceTime.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh my fucking God. Wait, I just remember something what happened on the way here. It has to do with the whole situation. I got a call from Evan's jail.

[Emma]

What?

[Kayla Malik]

What?

[Guest Speaker]

So I have the jail phone saved, the number saved in my phone, the Sumner County Jail. And I get a call saying this is a Sumner County Jail. You have a collect call from. And it was a signing like Chase and it's Evan's friend in jail was just trying to call me. I literally just remember the same jail. Yes. No, I did not pick up. I was like, what the is going on lately?

[Emma]

Oh my God.

[Guest Speaker]

Hold on.

[Emma]

I wouldn't have been able to help myself.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah.

[Emma]

Why are you calling me?

[Guest Speaker]

I have it saved in my phone as Jailer Rooney. Yeah, I love jailer. The context is Jail Rooney. It's like collect call from like Chase. I'm like, what the. Yeah.

[Emma]

Because they have to say their own name in so yeah, have a collect call from.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, yeah, you know what? And the only way they would have my number is if Evan gave it to them.

[Kayla Malik]

Well, and that's. Here's what I'm gonna say though. You are now vibrating on a. Just a completely different frequency than you once were. You know what I mean? Like you are just elevating every single day. You know what I mean? Like you are, you are coming out of this, you are healing other people and when you start vibrating on that high ass frequency, the amount of people from the trenches that are gonna be grabbing up at you like this county jail. Yes, yes. Are trying. Of course they are. Cuz it's all they have. It's. And they want, they want that free ride up to that frequency with you.

[Guest Speaker]

You know, And I do wish I answered. I want to know like what do you have to say? But like we have a no contact order, so could.

[Kayla Malik]

I think it's hard not to answer. Trust me. Obviously I'm so Curiosity kills the cat. But I think it's so good that the like just no contact is so good for you and your mental because it's like every time you have any of those conversations. Yeah, you might be curious but you also might just get, get so mentally dragged back to that place which you don't deserve and you've done so much work to not be. You know what I mean? Like even going to court, like first of all, the way you did all of that was so iconic and incredible.

[Guest Speaker]

So good about it. Like I did not take my eyes off that he could not look at me. He was stuttering. And then my dad was clapping when he got locked up.

[Kayla Malik]

I just got chills.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, he's sitting there alone too. Like, your family couldn't even show up. No friends, nothing. He was sitting.

[Emma]

Oh, that's good. Honestly, I would be so ashamed if, like, his family did show up and like, wanted. Wanted to support him through that.

[Guest Speaker]

Right?

[Emma]

Any good parent, sit that one out.

[Kayla Malik]

100.

[Guest Speaker]

That one now is so real.

[Kayla Malik]

100 that out, babe.

[Guest Speaker]

Somebody in his family, though, is posting on a Snapchat for him, which I think is.

[Emma]

You're kidding. For money?

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, yeah, like the rewards program.

[Emma]

Oh, have you no shame?

[Guest Speaker]

No. They're posting like he just went to Miami. It's like, actually the funniest.

[Kayla Malik]

He's in jail and everyone knows it.

[Indeed Advertisement]

Just.

[Kayla Malik]

That's sad too. Like, someone being so right.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm like, probably paying off the lawyer fees because his parents bailed him out.

[Kayla Malik]

Like, and maybe don't monetize off of this image. Like, when something so horrible happened to someone else, it's fucked. People are fucked.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm so curious to see what will happen when he gets out. Like, so when.

[Kayla Malik]

How long is he in jail for?

[Guest Speaker]

A year and a half. So I'll be like turning like 23 by the time he gets out.

[Kayla Malik]

Oh, you're a baby. I didn't even know you were only 22. Wait, wait, you're 21?

[Guest Speaker]

20.

[Kayla Malik]

Oh. Oh, you're a baby.

[Guest Speaker]

No, And I hate it. And I hate it. And I hate it.

[Kayla Malik]

You shouldn't hate it. But I felt the same way. I hated feeling like a baby too, because I was like, bitch, I've been through enough trauma that I feel 80, right? And you know what I mean?

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, it's just annoying, like, to not even be 21 yet, though. Cause it's like, oh my God, like, there's so much shit I just want to film myself doing. I'm like, having fun and going out, but it's like, ugh, I can't yet.

[Kayla Malik]

But also, look at all that you've accomplished and learned before. You are literally allowed to get a mimosa at brunch. Like, like, look at all that you've. You're a baby. That's. That is like. And I know that in so many ways you probably don't feel like one. First of all, you're running a whole business empire. You know what I mean? You are like. But that is so impressive. And you are so, so far ahead of your years, which I know is a double edged sword. You Know, but it. It's so cool to see, like, how smart and eloquent and all of these things that you are.

[Guest Speaker]

Thank you.

[Kayla Malik]

And, oh, my God, that. That makes me feel so much, like, better almost, because it is over.

[Guest Speaker]

And it's all like, oh, yeah, at 20. Thank God, babe. Like, yeah, that. Yeah.

[Kayla Malik]

And you're gonna be 25, frontal lobe developed, and you're gonna be like, I ate down.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, I'm so. Wait, how is it, like, when your frontal lobe just like, oh, I don't.

[Emma]

Think mine's there yet, to be honest. I'm 28. I'm like, any day now.

[Guest Speaker]

You're not 28.

[Kayla Malik]

No, it is.

[Guest Speaker]

No, you're not.

[Emma]

Am I?

[Kayla Malik]

I know. She looks 19. It's so wild.

[Emma]

Maybe 29 in, like, three months. Months.

[Kayla Malik]

And I look 80. So there's.

[Emma]

Wait, right?

[Kayla Malik]

I don't know my own age anymore.

[Guest Speaker]

Saying, wait, what the. I'm, like, actually praying I have your jeans. That makes my eyelids done.

[Kayla Malik]

I love Just got my eyelids done.

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[Kayla Malik]

I will say the frontal lobe thing was very crazy for me. But one of my biggest takeaways that I wish I could have told myself in my early 20s was give yourself the most amount of grace like, that you could ever give yourself. Because it's like, I look back at me and you're so far ahead of me. But like, me at 20, like, I was a imbecile idiot with no brain cells, just like Tasmanian Deviling through life.

[Emma]

But also, no, not even her. I'm like. I'm saying for me, both.

[Kayla Malik]

All of it like and it's. But also at the same time, I was beating myself up for everything. What I was wearing, what I was doing, what I was saying, who I was dating. All of those things. And in reality, it's like, you're not supposed to have anything figured out and just, like, give yourself grace in that.

[Guest Speaker]

But you are such an inspiration. Like, I think you should also give yourself so much credit. And I. I know you do, and I really hope you do, because, like, at 20, you had tana turns 21. Like, you had a MTV show that's a flag. Like, the.

[Kayla Malik]

It was a different time, you know? And, yeah, even then. Like, even at that time, I was so critical on myself, and it's like, you're doing the best with the cards that you were dealt.

[Guest Speaker]

You're at. You are both of y' all successful ass podcast. I love you great ass boyfriends. Like, y' all are up. It is.

[Kayla Malik]

And all of. All of those things I did and all the times I fell and got up in my early 20s. 20s brought me to this beautiful era of my life. So it's like, I just hope you know that, like, you are. You are in an era where, like, up all you want, give yourself all the grace, and everything will work out for you. Like, you know, it just. It really will. And it's. It's just nuts the way you're really dealing with all of the way so many people are trying you, you know.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, yeah, that's the whole thing. Like, the online of it all. And then, like, it. Which I get people being like, I feel bad it turned into a drama, but I'm like, I feel like the second you take shit online, that's what's gonna happen. You could sit here and be like, say the most traumatic shit, and it will become a drama. But then, I mean, like, obviously, James didn't help that.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah. At all, dude.

[Guest Speaker]

At all.

[Kayla Malik]

That whole situation is crazy. Like, just so crazy. And I don't know how much you want to talk about it, so I don't want to like you.

[Guest Speaker]

I will say every.

[Kayla Malik]

It's just like, I don't know, like, you guys were collabing. He's doing your makeup. Like, I don't know if you ever looked up to him or watched his videos or anything like that.

[Guest Speaker]

That's what's fucking insane is when I was like, 12, 13, he came out with the morphe palette. My grandma fucking waited in the little morphe line, fucking bought me his palette, his makeup brushes. I met him at Playlist Live back in, like, 2019. I was freaking the fuck out. And I'll give him credit for this. He is the reason I am where I'm at. He was the first person to reach out to me, to be like, let's collaborate, and started.

[Kayla Malik]

No, you're at where you're at because you're you.

[Emma]

Yeah, but that was. That was nobody else.

[Guest Speaker]

I feel like I. I feel like I have to give him.

[Kayla Malik]

I understand.

[Emma]

I mean, but no, thank you.

[Kayla Malik]

I understand exposure, but the exposure with somebody who doesn't have. It doesn't stick. So I. I agree with that one, like. And I mean that. I do mean that. But that's. That's just wild to not only feel over by somebody that you consider a friend. I know he was on his acquaintance, intense tangent, but, like, I'll agree we.

[Guest Speaker]

Were definitely acquaintances, but I don't.

[Kayla Malik]

But you also idolize this person for so long. So then that is also, like, heartbreaking.

[Guest Speaker]

Acquaintances was like 300 people. Like, I meet people at a party once and I follow them on Instagram. We never talk again. And I wouldn't. Yeah, do that also.

[Kayla Malik]

This is our first time hanging out, like, in depth, and I wouldn't go your thing.

[Guest Speaker]

I would not do what the. Especially after, like. Like, he knew. Like, all I'm gonna say is, like.

[Emma]

He, like, he knew.

[Guest Speaker]

I literally texted him. It was abusive. It was this, it was that. And then you fly him out and you DM him. And then what pissed me off was the screenshots. Did y' all see the screenshots that he posted on his story? Trying to, like, clear it up. It's. So when we were in Hawaii, like, right before we broke up, James and Evan were DMing, and he had sent. They were like, doing like a snap thing where you go like that, and.

[Kayla Malik]

And like, that's just weird. Strange, right?

[Guest Speaker]

Strange as fuck. And so I talked about it, and then James was like, well, I'll post all the. All the receipts and posted all the text messages up until me and him broke up. And it's like. So y' all just didn't talk about flying him out to la? Like, was everything else on vanish mode? Like, where did all the other messages go?

[Kayla Malik]

100%.

[Guest Speaker]

So it was so weird.

[Kayla Malik]

I've had so many of, like, my gay friends even just, like, I'll overhear them talking about this, and they're like, I'm not flying somebody out to emotionally support them. That's just the takeaway that I've. I received.

[Emma]

I don't know if I understand that.

[Guest Speaker]

I don't understand any of it because.

[Kayla Malik]

It'S like, like, you're not doing that as a multi millionaire with a core friend group. You're not like, let me outsource.

[Emma]

Especially someone you don't know. It'd be one thing if it was somebody you knew, like, close with, and they were really going through it, right?

[Guest Speaker]

And it's like, but then the whole thing that he set up being like, oh, well, I didn't understand that Kayla was actually going through it, even though he knew me more than Evan.

[Emma]

Well, what did you have to do, send pictures? I don't get that.

[Guest Speaker]

And it's like, you don't get that. But then Evan texts you, I'm depressed, so you fly him out and you're there for him and you believe everything he's saying. Like, it's just like.

[Emma]

Like, yeah, I don't.

[Guest Speaker]

So many holes in that story. And then it's also like, you guys formed an entire friendship off of the basis of you thinking he saw it.

[Kayla Malik]

You're very emotionally intelligent. And it's one thing if your friend is saying, like, oh, like, you know, I'm really happy you're with, like, a goodlook guy. But, like, I've always hated that. Even with the gays. It's not that I think that, like, you know what I mean? Like, if I'm friends with, like, a gay, like, guy in Los Angeles, if he's responding to my story, being like, God, I want to your boyfriend so bad, or, he's so hot. He's so hot. He's so hot. I'm like, okay, wait a minute.

[Guest Speaker]

A fucking saying that's the only thing he would ever text me is, he's so fucking hot. He's so fucking hot. He's so hot.

[Emma]

He's consistent, right?

[Guest Speaker]

At least he stood. He stood real. He stood real with this.

[Kayla Malik]

Like, yeah, he committed to the bit dead ass. That also just makes me think that then it's like, I don't know if I was responding to someone's story. Constantly being like, they're so hot. They're so hot. They're so hot. And then they break up and then I'm flying them out. Like, I have my intention. My intentions should then just be friends. Like, thank you.

[Guest Speaker]

That's my whole fucking thing. And then it's like, if you really weren't doing anything wrong and you didn't think you were doing anything wrong, you wouldn't have lied to me when I asked if he was at your house.

[Emma]

Did he lie?

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, yeah, I texted him. So basically, James flew him down. And this is before we were on. No, we were on no contact. So I didn't know why Evan was going to LA or anything. We'd been broken up for a month. James knew we broke up. And then Evan posted a picture in a backyard, and it said, encino, California, which is.

[Kayla Malik]

You put the.

[Guest Speaker]

Put the location, and it is James Charles's backyard. So I text James and I'm like, weird question. Is Evan at your house? He's like, your ex, James. Why would he be here? No, he fucking was. And he dead ass was.

[Kayla Malik]

That's like.

[Emma]

Yeah, no, that.

[Guest Speaker]

What the was.

[Kayla Malik]

And then also, as if, like, there's a thousand backyards that look like that, right?

[Guest Speaker]

Like, I recognize the tree. And then I. This is so, like, bad. But, like, then me and Emma were, like, so crashed out, we got in her car and we would just keep driving past his house, and we were, like, trying to make sure. And then I.

[Kayla Malik]

Honestly, at 20 years old, that's pretty noble.

[Emma]

You know, me at 20, like, jumped the wall.

[Guest Speaker]

Then I made a fake number and I texted Evan off my Google voice. I was like, my name's like, Greg. We met a while ago. Da, da, da. Like, meet me at least.

[Kayla Malik]

No, I love it.

[Guest Speaker]

I was like, my name's Greg. Me and Young Gravy are going out for some drinks at Thai Angel. So he ends up spending, like, $90 on an Uber to tie angel to meet you.

[Kayla Malik]

You're so real, Gravy. You're so real there.

[Guest Speaker]

And he's calling the number, and we're like, no, no, no. We went to a different spot down the street. He starts Ubering from place to place in LA trying to meet you.

[Kayla Malik]

Thank God, though. And sometimes a guy who's that eager.

[Emma]

To meet Young Gravy, it's really funny.

[Kayla Malik]

Too, because I feel like Young Gravy would have been in on this.

[Guest Speaker]

It's so tough.

[Kayla Malik]

No, and it's. That's just real as, like, honestly.

[Emma]

So valid. I catfished, like, a guy one time. Well, my ex, honestly, for, like, six months after we broke up. I'm not kidding.

[Guest Speaker]

That's why I got Tinder. I was catfishing people. And I was like, maybe I shouldn't say that.

[Kayla Malik]

No, I know you did.

[Emma]

I did You.

[Kayla Malik]

She had a whole separate phone for it.

[Emma]

Honestly, it was like, I have a catfish phone. Yes.

[Kayla Malik]

And it's real as, like, it's.

[Emma]

You deserved it bad.

[Kayla Malik]

No.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, some people deserve that. Like, oh, wait, I love a catfish. That's what I do on Tinder. They ban me, though. You know Maggie Linderman, that one, like, badass. A picture. I'm sorry, Maggie. I'm so sorry. But Like, I was catfishing, and this one guy had a picture of a dead deer, and I was like, are you gonna kill me? Like, you killed that deer band?

[Kayla Malik]

No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you don't need Tinder. You're gonna meet the love of your life.

[Guest Speaker]

I will never download a dating app.

[Kayla Malik]

You might meet the love of your life on your podcast. That, like, I'm kind of thinking that, like, I love you and Jacob Sartorius together.

[Guest Speaker]

I love us, too.

[Kayla Malik]

I love that I just made you choke. I'm so sorry.

[Guest Speaker]

Because I love us too.

[Kayla Malik]

Oh, my God, I do. You guys just have, like, a really great dynamic, regardless of what happens.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, that's the thing. It's like. And I know he's gonna see this, but I. I truly love Jacob, like, with my whole heart, and he's changed my life in a lot of ways, and it. Oh. Like, I wouldn't. I wouldn't ever want to ruin what we have, though.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

But it's like, that is somebody genuinely that I love so much, and, like, who knows what would happen in two years.

[Kayla Malik]

100%.

[Guest Speaker]

And that's real, Pam.

[Kayla Malik]

Yes, that is 100% real. I feel felt like that about Jeff when we were, like, podcasting and working together all the time. It was like, oh, my God, I love this friendship. And even if people ship it and, like, whatever, I wouldn't. We're both in nutcases. And, like, whatever, you know, it's like. And then what's meant to be will be. Like, if you guys are meant to be.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, I will say, I've never met a guy that respects me the way that he does.

[Kayla Malik]

Like, which is so sweet, because regardless of whatever ends up even happening, you will always be so grateful for him in this period of your life, for healing you, like, in that way or, like, being a part of your healing journey in that way. Way.

[Guest Speaker]

Right. Like, no matter what, he's helped me through so much. He's changed my life, and I've always wanted to start a podcast, so starting it with him was just, like, that was so fun, and he's helped so much, and I'm like, the type of. I will not respond to an email or a text so he'll do that shit for me.

[Kayla Malik]

Like, real as.

[Emma]

Like, thank God it's important for you to just have men in your life, especially that you can trust right now and just something, like, to put your energy into, like, something that you're excited about that, you know, isn't, like, your dating life, you know?

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Literally.

[Kayla Malik]

And you're killing it. Like, you really just are. And I just. Like, I can't even believe it. I can't believe that he. A year and a half is like, the judicial system is so interesting because. What do you mean, a year and a half right now? Like, hard.

[Emma]

A lot of people get off with even less. You know what I mean?

[Guest Speaker]

What's crazy?

[Emma]

Have to live in fear all the time, right?

[Guest Speaker]

And that's what's crazy, is the max that he could get for the domestic violence. It's a misdemeanor. A. So the max he could get was a year. That was it. But then he had two other charges, a DUI and a probation violation. And he was going to face up to five years if it was taken to trial. But that would have been months on months on months. And I was like, fuck that shit. Give him a year and a half because that's him in my eyes, serving the year that he took from. You lost, right? And then plus six months of his. So I was like, give it.

[Kayla Malik]

Damn, I have chills. And I respect you for that, like, tax. I feel like it's so easy for people to say, like, oh, go to trial. Like, I've done that so many times in my life where I felt like someone was wrong and I didn't want to go to trial because I didn't want to have to relive for that amount of time. You know what I mean? Right.

[Guest Speaker]

I was not trying to go to trial. And it's like, I'd have to sit there and have his lawyers be like, well, why'd you stay then? And it's like, I cannot sit there in front of all these people being like, I stayed because I was scared. I stayed because I was embarrassed. Like, I was not going to do that especially. It just. It wasn't worth it to me. And then I know his life is ruined regardless when he gets out of jail.

[Emma]

Like, yes, yeah, he'll continue doing time, right?

[Kayla Malik]

Yes.

[Guest Speaker]

He's going to be on probation after this. So he's on his probation. Like, thing is, he's not even allowed to operate a social media account under his name for two years.

[Kayla Malik]

Years.

[Guest Speaker]

Once he's out, then what about bitch running his Snapchat? Thank you. That is literally.

[Kayla Malik]

Well, I wonder, though, like, if we could, like, you know what I mean? Like, I love we. I'm in on this. I'm like, listen, like, take him down county. Hey, yeah. Because that's kind of insane. That. Yeah. The person running the Snapchat with that must be Happening. Have you talked to, like, lawyers about that?

[Guest Speaker]

I need to talk to the DA I've just been, like, so, like. Because I'm also trying to press two felony charges in the state of California. So I've been, like, focused on that a little bit. And that's scary because what's annoying as fuck about that judicial system shit, they can't even, like, transfer those charges to Tennessee. So it's like he would only get arrested for the two felonies if he came to California and got pulled over.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah. Oh, my God. Get him over here.

[Guest Speaker]

Yes.

[Emma]

Tell him, young gravy.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm like, james, let's work it out on the remix. Get him back out here, James, please.

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[Kayla Malik]

Speaking of James Charles fucking working anything out. You were talking about bots and comments, and I'm so intrigued by this, and I just. I want to hear, like, are you okay talking about this?

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, yeah.

[Kayla Malik]

You're sure?

[Guest Speaker]

Okay. Oh, yeah. Okay, so to give me.

[Kayla Malik]

Just give me the tea, Give me the lore. I need to, like, understand what if I heard this correctly, when I just.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, no, you did. Okay, so me and James did our research, because when James posted his apology video, there was a lot of the same comments, like, exact same comments over and over again with, like, 30, 000 likes. But their account was like, like a bot. And we're like, what the. So we talked about it on an episode, and then somebody reached out to us who's, like, in the social media world and sent us a screen recording of this app that you can use to buy comments to shift the narrative of what people think about you.

[Kayla Malik]

I'm like, no.

[Emma]

What's it called?

[Kayla Malik]

Shut up. Prove it tomorrow. Brooke has like, 20,000 comments that are like, best.

[Emma]

I'm going to be a hero tomorrow.

[Kayla Malik]

No, but that's so it's. It's an app.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, it's like a website and you can dead ass like buy like comments basically to shift the narrative and buy these comments likes. And what I think is interesting is Michaela Testa made a TikTok being like our accounts are getting bought. And I was like, sorry, love you, Michaela.

[Kayla Malik]

I just love an Australian so much. I love an Australian accent. You're actually me.

[Guest Speaker]

And I was like, what the fuck does that mean? But I think she was talking about like the comments because all of a sudden, after his shit started to get bodied, I made three videos in one day. It was just part one, part 2.3 about the James situation. The next day I posted one more and I'm getting thousands of comments being like, she's dragging it over and over again. And the accounts weren't real people. And I'm like, what the fuck? So my account started to get botted, Michaela started to get bodied, and then James was also getting boded with like the same comments, but his are positive and ours are negative. Negative.

[Emma]

Do you think. Do you know how on Instagram it, like, it hurts your account?

[Kayla Malik]

You know what I mean?

[Emma]

Like, if you buy followers or whatever.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Emma]

It hinders your account. Do you think Tick tock is like that or No?

[Guest Speaker]

I. I honestly don't think so. There's.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah, I was just gonna say, like, clearly not. If he's like getting numbers like that. That is like.

[Emma]

But sometimes like when you do that, then, then it has to be bots from that point forward because you get like, like shadow ban or at least.

[Guest Speaker]

Whoa. It doesn't make sense. Yeah, I'd get a comment being like, she's dragging it. Posted 3 minutes ago. 10,000 likes. What does that even mean? What does that even fucking.

[Kayla Malik]

That's not physically possible.

[Guest Speaker]

Physically possible. And it's the same fucking comment. I go on their account and it's not a real account. And then I just get sent this website where you can literally do that. And it's more effective to do that than to like censor words and censor this. Because your account doesn't get shadow banned, apparently.

[Emma]

Shit.

[Guest Speaker]

So that's like bonding an account, like a real fucking thing.

[Kayla Malik]

No, I believe, like, I believe it 100%. We see bot comments all the time. Like weird, strange.

[Guest Speaker]

Yes you can.

[Kayla Malik]

But I did like botting someone else's.

[Guest Speaker]

And that's how they lace. I finally get you now, girl. Like that in an account means, like.

[Kayla Malik]

That is so so. So that's like some crazy intel into, like, just this world. And like, even. I don't know, just even, like, people being able to pay to shift public opinion at a whole new people have.

[Emma]

Been doing it, you know?

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah, but that is like, final boss. Like.

[Emma]

Yeah, it's just something new comes every year, you know?

[Guest Speaker]

Right. And it's like, smart as. Honestly, like, like, that is smart.

[Kayla Malik]

It's just like. I know, but, like, the society that we're living in.

[Emma]

I was telling you, that's how everybody should know that you are being fed. You know what I mean? Like, you are being fed the information that you're consuming. Like, the narrative against everybody. Like, you do not know these people or what's going on.

[Kayla Malik]

Like, botting. She's dragging it. I was telling you this. But you have to put. She's dragging it on.

[Guest Speaker]

No, I have to, like, that's the best thing I've ever heard in my life.

[Kayla Malik]

I need it on a baby tee. I'm wearing it every day. You're going to make six figures off of it. And it's like. And honestly, good on you. Like, a lot of people probably would have never, like, figured that out.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, yeah. Me and Jacob were sitting there and, like, we cracked the fucking code because it just doesn't make sense.

[Kayla Malik]

That is just like, I'm imagining if, like, that was around just, like, for always and forever. Like, all the people who would have used it.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, everybody.

[Kayla Malik]

You know what I mean?

[Guest Speaker]

God, I would have. Honestly, if I was James, I'd be doing the same thing. No, I. I wouldn't. It's crazy. And it makes me mad when people are like, oh, well, y' all just forgive him for everything. But then it's like, okay. But then y' all get mad when I still talk about it. Like, you know what I mean?

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah.

[Emma]

You know you'll never win, right?

[Guest Speaker]

Literally, I just feel like I'll never win with it. So that's why I've just, like, given up on it. And I'm like, I'll just do.

[Kayla Malik]

For your own peace and your own freedom. Because it really is true. You could do or say anything. Like how you were saying earlier, if you just came online not talking about it, it'd be people. Those. I always think, like, the people who just are leaving that senseless, you can't win type of hate. It's like, you can't win with those people anyhow. Like, if you came online tomorrow, never spoke about it again, it would be. She's unfazed. She moved on too fast so this never happened. Blah, blah, blah. The way she says. And if you keep talking about it, it's. She's dragging it. But comment or not. And it's like you just have to live for you and do it feel like you.

[Guest Speaker]

What you are to stop caring about what those. You will never win with them. So it's like, what the fuck's the point? And they're probably at home. Like, it's like the stupid fudgeing Reddit posters. Like, I don't.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Like I literally don't give a fuck.

[Emma]

Read it.

[Guest Speaker]

I don't know.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

You know Emma, she has a really bad Reddit addiction.

[Emma]

Oh, we've been.

[Guest Speaker]

I already.

[Kayla Malik]

We'll heal you.

[Emma]

I've already been telling her. She showed me.

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[Emma]

In her frequently visited.

[Guest Speaker]

No, I've never checked Reddit block the web. I refuse. I refuse. I will not go on there and read.

[Kayla Malik]

I think even just reading comments, it can be very scary when you're in like a fragile mental space to like be in taking so many opinions about yourself. You know what I mean? Like, it's just because then they start to form your actual idea of who yourself is and like just all of those things, you know, it makes you.

[Guest Speaker]

Question who you are. Like, it's so.

[Emma]

And change. It makes you change who you are.

[Guest Speaker]

Yes. And it's. That's the worst thing. It's like, okay, I'm gonna start acting like this and not acting like this and it's like. And then you. And then I never want to be the type of person where it's like, I'm different on camera than off camera. It's like obviously, period, I'm filming a 60 second tick tock. I'll be a little bit more like energetic. But like, I don't want to change my whole personality.

[Kayla Malik]

100 and it's very hard sometimes notice.

[Emma]

That you're doing it. Like I catch myself where I'm like, I wouldn't have normally said that but I'm, I'm panicking, pandering to like what I think people want to hear or like, oh yeah. Or trying not to say things that I know will like upset people. It's just like, it's crazy.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah. If anything, I think it, I don't know, I guess for me, like just doing this for so long, I think about all the times where it probably would have been easier for me to just like act a certain way and like, you know what I mean? Like act a different way. Like it would have Just been less resistance. You know what I mean? Like, giving the people what they want or giving the brands what they want or, like, doing whatever. But it's like, I'm so happy I didn't. Because I. It's. It's so much harder to, A, do this for a living, B, sleep at night. Like, when you're like, I am this whole different person.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Emma]

You'll find yourself trying to put on a character, you know?

[Guest Speaker]

Right.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

I feel like.

[Kayla Malik]

And you're not a character. You're so full of life.

[Guest Speaker]

100. I feel like I wouldn't be able to go to sleep if I was. Like, I know I'm. If somebody were to come up to me in person right now and I'd be different. Like, I would literally not be able to sleep.

[Kayla Malik]

But that's how you've also built this, like, beautiful empire, is by just being so authentic to you.

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[Kayla Malik]

Mike. Even just hearing we were talking, I think this was off camera before, but, like, you're so smart with your money and you're like, just. I'm happy that you're, like, reaping the benefits, you know?

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, no, I'm too scared to, Like, I. The only designer thing I've ever bought was, like, two months ago, and it was my, like, diesel bag. Like, I'm too scared.

[Kayla Malik]

Be careful.

[Emma]

It's a slippery slope.

[Kayla Malik]

No, but it's good.

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[Emma]

I was like, I didn't even believe in it. Like, literally six months ago. I was like, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Like, why would you ever spend money on that? And then something along. I don't know what.

[Guest Speaker]

I slipped.

[Kayla Malik]

That might have been my influence, honestly. And I'm sorry.

[Guest Speaker]

And I'M looking at the jewelry. I'm feeling influenced, dude.

[Emma]

No, because flavor. Flavor or something. She's got nothing but diamonds.

[Kayla Malik]

No, it's ridiculous. But I'm gonna tell you something. Half of these are dhgate dupes I have. I mean, mine aren't, but I'm saying they're. But I wish they were because they're duped so well like that. It's like. Like this bracelet is like the love of my life. I bought this bracelet and I spent $7,000 on this bracelet. And one of my roommates ordered the dhgate version to see the difference. And I am not kidding you. I have a friend who works at Van Cleef, and he was sending me links to ones that they. As the workers wear in the store because they are that indetectable, like, the weight and all. It's like, why the. I just lost her link.

[Guest Speaker]

No.

[Kayla Malik]

And I'm like, I'm buying them off the gate. You lost the original Hermes one. Sienna, you were an idiot forever buying those. How do you lose a shoe? It was on your foot when you left the house. Like, you're literally an idiot. I lost a pair of shoes. Shoes. I left with them on my feet and then came home with them off my feet.

[Emma]

You don't.

[Kayla Malik]

You don't deserve the. You buy them off the gate, bitch.

[Guest Speaker]

Wait. Oh, that literally happened to Emma once. She fucking went out to the club, came back shoeless.

[Kayla Malik]

It's. No, no, I feel you. We need. There needs to be a community.

[Guest Speaker]

That's the whole reason I will not buy expensive shit. I just know, like I say, I'll destroy it. I'll fudgeing. Destroy that shit.

[Kayla Malik]

We always talk about that too. And just, like, trendiness, too. I still fall victim all the time.

[Emma]

Like, I try to buy, like, timeless. I won't spend a lot of money. Money. Unless something is like, I know I'll have.

[Kayla Malik]

She's made me better in that way because.

[Guest Speaker]

Really good.

[Kayla Malik]

Why was I buying neon as chaps?

[Emma]

No, we'll never know black or brown or like, you know what I mean? It has to be like an everyday.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. No, even then, though, I get so anxious about it. Like, I don't know, like, do you.

[Emma]

Get guilt from spending.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, my God. I'll go home and cry. Like, I actually go home and cry. Like, what the.

[Emma]

I have, like, a scarcity complex with money. I feel like.

[Guest Speaker]

You ever just get scared that, like, one day you'll wake up and everything will just be, like, empty. And then it's like, oh, my God, this Bag could have just paid my rent.

[Kayla Malik]

We actually, it's funny, before you got here, we were talking about that on that episode that we were just filming, like, we were. The scarcity.

[Emma]

Like, and it's so, like, what's on her wrist could pay her bills.

[Kayla Malik]

That's why jewelry makes me happy.

[Emma]

Or like, that's like an actual, like, appreciating asset.

[Guest Speaker]

Like a bag.

[Emma]

Not so much unless it's a jumbo flap.

[Kayla Malik]

But other, like the Chanel ones.

[Emma]

I would cost more than my car. But also bought, by the way.

[Kayla Malik]

That's the thing. It needs to be appreciating things to at least sleep at night a little better. But like, oh, also just the gate. Like, I'm not kidding. I'm buying those air lights in every color.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kayla Malik]

It's just dumb. It is. It's like, I have no excuse. I'm just an idiot. I'm a sheep.

[DraftKings Advertisement]

I just.

[Kayla Malik]

I get serotonin for my stupid new product.

[Guest Speaker]

See, and that's the thing. I'll sit here and be like, I wish I was that way. Like, I want to.

[Emma]

Like, no, you don't.

[Kayla Malik]

Phenomenal.

[Emma]

Picking up cigarettes with the intent to start smoking. It's not broke. Like, do not. Do not do anything.

[Kayla Malik]

100 look good.

[Guest Speaker]

They just always look good.

[Kayla Malik]

And being in LA right now.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, but you know, you go to Barney's and you see the. With like the everything. I want to be you so bad. You know, it's like, and we are.

[Emma]

When they won't be wealthy. When they're older.

[Guest Speaker]

Damn.

[Emma]

Which you will be if you keep saving.

[Kayla Malik]

She's real. And just the consumerism of everything, like we all are always in comparison. It's like, I need. I need those suede brown micro shorts. No, you don't.

[Guest Speaker]

I just like, somebody buy a 300 hairbrush because it's supposed to make your hair softer.

[Emma]

I'm not even kidding. It's in my bag.

[Guest Speaker]

No, wait, Brooke, are you actually. You bought it? Wait, Brooke, did you actually.

[Emma]

On my life. It's in my bag.

[Guest Speaker]

No way. Like, the $300 hairbrush.

[Emma]

I don't have it with me. It's the one that I. The one I left at your house. And then I had to buy a new one, so I bought it twice.

[Kayla Malik]

She left it at my house. And she was actually like. Cuz I'm like, why the do you care so much? You left a hairbrush in my house? I'll get it back to you. And then I found out and I was like, oh, yeah, you should probably.

[Emma]

Get it so it makes your hair so shiny.

[Guest Speaker]

So it's real.

[Kayla Malik]

Does it work?

[Guest Speaker]

It's a thing.

[Emma]

My first one got sent to me. The second one I bought, but it.

[Kayla Malik]

Was, there's no hope for me, my bald blonde ass. Like, nothing as we love it. We bought it, though. It's ours. You know what I mean?

[Emma]

I have a wet brush in my bag. The one. But you know the one now I have the one with the little blue back.

[Kayla Malik]

Oh, my God. I mean, I would try it if my hair was real or could ever be soft. I'm growing it out. I'm trying, but you're making me miss my bleach and tone.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, I bleached it this morning with, like, the box. I was like, I did.

[Emma]

I did my own too. And I had a bleach and tonight tone.

[Guest Speaker]

It's so fun.

[Kayla Malik]

I'm so envious of a who can Garnier fructis box and go blonde. No.

[Emma]

I would buy the powder and the developer and I would literally, like, sit and do a whole bleaching tone.

[Guest Speaker]

Same. Once I did that and I burnt my hair off, though. My hair was, like, steaming, and then I had to get a mullet.

[Emma]

You know what you have?

[Guest Speaker]

Or I did this really bad bottom.

[Emma]

Half first, washed it, and then the top half. If you try to do it all at once, you'll go.

[Guest Speaker]

That was my problem. I mixed, like, 50 milligram developer and my, like, steaming, and I was like, what the is going on? And then I had to, like, get a mullet. It was green and black. I looked so scary. Like, I actually, like, bit.

[Kayla Malik]

It's kind of iconic, though. You would think, where's Brad Bondo video.

[Emma]

About my bleach and tone video? He was like, what the hell is wrong with this girl?

[Kayla Malik]

What do you. Why your hair was so long and healthy, though?

[Emma]

Safe to do. I know.

[Kayla Malik]

Oh, it's just not.

[Emma]

I got lucky.

[Kayla Malik]

I can't get my hair to, like, lift, though, on my own. That's the thing.

[Emma]

Because you have a naturally.

[Kayla Malik]

I think you have black hair at this point.

[Emma]

But your. Your, like, hair texture is like, you.

[Kayla Malik]

Have the thicker hair, very coarse, which you'd think I wouldn't be bald, but.

[Guest Speaker]

I want a coarse hair. I have thin little hair.

[Emma]

I have baby hair. Like, fine, Very fine.

[Kayla Malik]

I know, but, like, look at y' all eating me up, mogging me. What do you mean?

[Emma]

Like, oh, your hair is fabulous right now. I'm so happy that you're in your.

[Kayla Malik]

Like, I'm in my.

[Guest Speaker]

Look at this root I love a root.

[Emma]

You would love dark hair. I would love to see what your hair color actually is.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. Would you ever.

[Emma]

It's a lot darker. Like, it's darker than this.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah, it's dark. It's, like, very, very dark. But I wonder if that's lack of sunlight sometimes. Like, if I was out in the sun for a little bit, like, I think I'd gain a few shades.

[Emma]

I got a comment video yesterday being like, the hair color is a choice. I'm like, it's literally not a choice. It's my. It's my natural. Wait, wait, what the. The hair color is definitely a choice. It said. I commented back. I'm like you, Jessica.

[Kayla Malik]

As if you chose, like, chartreuse.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, it's.

[Kayla Malik]

It's brown. No.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, what the.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[Guest Speaker]

Would you ever go brunette?

[Kayla Malik]

I would never say never. And I am growing it out, and it's getting darker as we go. And I'm continuing to do that. That for sure. I'm still. I'm. I'm learning to get less emotionally attached to the blonde, But I'm so emotionally.

[Guest Speaker]

I feel you so much on that. Like, I want to be.

[Kayla Malik]

I love you. The plant, everyone crawling under the camera. So sweet.

[Emma]

I think it would eat so hard. I think it would turn the world upside down if you popped out brunette. And I think you would look so, like, I always trust that, like, if something's growing out of your head, it's going to look good on you. Like, you. You wouldn't look like with your maybe.

[Kayla Malik]

In my full piece era. Like, maybe after. Like, just next year.

[Emma]

Like, I cut a. Like, imagine we come back to canceled years, and I have a bob in.

[Kayla Malik]

Europe brunette, and I'm. No. And I have black hair. It's funny.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, my God. And there's, like, wedding rings.

[Emma]

Oh, I better have a wedding ring before cancel. It's gone.

[Kayla Malik]

And you're our flower girl.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, my.

[Kayla Malik]

You and Jacob are married.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, my God. That would be really.

[Kayla Malik]

So speaking of, I guess you two even just, like, doing your podcast. Is there anything else you want to do or you're working on? It's crazy that you immediately popped out and just like, with a conglomerate with Spencer's. Like, already you were doing that.

[Guest Speaker]

That was so, like, a fever dream. Because I did ask DM them on Instagram, and I was like, I really have a good idea. And they just, like, responded to me and I was like, thank God.

[Kayla Malik]

That's so sickening, though.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, I. I do not get brand deals. I don't get. I haven't had a brand deal in, like, the past two years or something.

[Kayla Malik]

That's, like, so wild.

[Guest Speaker]

So, yeah, the fact that they answered, I was like, thank God.

[Kayla Malik]

I will get you brand deals, bitch.

[Emma]

Damn. But that just shows you. Are we supposed to be outreaching?

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah, yeah. No, it's important. A lot of the best things do come from, like, really, like, were you reaching out?

[Guest Speaker]

I guess.

[Emma]

Your shot. I feel like Trisha always says that the worst they could say is, no.

[Guest Speaker]

That is so true.

[Kayla Malik]

It's so true. But yeah, just with this new podcast and everything. Do you have anything else that you want to do? Any dreams, any goals? Anything that you.

[Guest Speaker]

I really. Okay, this might sound so weird when it comes out of my mouth, but, like. Okay, wait, hear me out. Like, you know.

[Kayla Malik]

No, I love it. I love it. Hear me out. Okay.

[Guest Speaker]

You know how, like, baby. Baby reindeer. Like, like the. The.

[Kayla Malik]

Okay.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, the guy who went through all that, like, acted in it later.

[Kayla Malik]

Yes.

[Guest Speaker]

I would love to do, like, a short film or something.

[Kayla Malik]

Oh, that's beautiful.

[Guest Speaker]

Act out what I went through to, like, portray what it was and, like, to kind of, like, symbolate or whatever the word is.

[Emma]

Symbolize.

[Guest Speaker]

Symbolize. There we go.

[Kayla Malik]

I didn't know. I was like, yes. Symbolic.

[Guest Speaker]

Symbolic was crazy.

[Kayla Malik]

Me as symbolic. I'll be saying that next week.

[Guest Speaker]

Symbolic. Yeah. And, yeah, that's, like, my goal, honestly. So you should go on Worst X ever.

[Emma]

I thought about doing that.

[Kayla Malik]

Oh, that is that Netflix show.

[Emma]

It's a series, but it's, like, episodic, where every episode is, like, a story of, like, a horrible relationship and, like, the crazy things that they've done. And I'm like, I got a fake Australian who killed his family.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah. You guys could go on together.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, my God.

[Emma]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

I would love to do, like, a reality dating show, even.

[Kayla Malik]

That would be so fun, too.

[Emma]

Like a dating what not to do.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah, there's so much there because you.

[Guest Speaker]

Don'T have your phone for, like, two months. And I'd, like. I need to post on Snapchat.

[Kayla Malik]

Like, I would know you could find someone to do it for you. We know that now.

[Guest Speaker]

Wait. Oh, yo, the Johnson's, please.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah, right. Like, they just start a whole business and that.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, I got my.

[Emma]

Too Snapchat. Like, super fruitful.

[Guest Speaker]

What does that mean?

[Emma]

Like.

[Kayla Malik]

Profitable.

[Emma]

Profitable. Like, like, do you make a lot of money on.

[Guest Speaker]

That's, like, my number one income.

[Kayla Malik]

I love snobby Snapchat. It's so fun. It's fun, too, because it falls in the Same like bucket. I always tell her this. I tell her to start it every day because it's so cool. Because it's so authentic. Like, you don't. You can literally just post your life and it's so authentic.

[Guest Speaker]

It's so fun.

[Emma]

I don't know, I'm like, I don't want to share more, you know, in fact, I want to share.

[Kayla Malik]

No, but it could be that you cooking something or like, literally I just.

[Guest Speaker]

Got to wake up to start doing it. And it's like once you start, you won't turn back. I got Emma to do it. I'm trying to get everybody to do it. Like, that is. Is like, it's so fun.

[Emma]

I don't get it, honestly. I need someone to sit down with.

[Kayla Malik]

Me and watch me. I would, I absolutely would. I think it's so fun. It is wild. When Snapchat money came out, there's. There's always just certain things as an influencer where I'm like, this feels so, like. Yeah, like, this is crazy that, like, I mean, granted they're running ads through it and people get to enjoy your content for free, so it's not like scammy, it's just like, what do you, like, just influence. Your paychecks are wild.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, I'm just like posting selfies right now. But it's so fun. Like, I love Snapchat because I left the TikTok creator program like two years ago.

[Emma]

Really?

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. I hated that. It like shadow bands you.

[Emma]

Really?

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, I hate it.

[Emma]

I love it.

[Guest Speaker]

You're on it.

[Emma]

Oh, yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

It doesn't shadow.

[Kayla Malik]

I've made maybe 37 cents.

[Guest Speaker]

That's what I'm saying. Like, I hate it.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah, I can't.

[Emma]

They just started doing, like, if they feel like your quality is like high or if you feel. If you feel like your content is high quality, they give you a bonus. So, like, what? Sometimes, sometimes they'll do like times too. Like, multiply your money. If they think like, oh, times well made. Made.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah, I. Well, I mean, I could work my whole life to try to get that times too, and I would die without it.

[Guest Speaker]

No, I'm literally not.

[Kayla Malik]

Shit's filmed on a toaster and I've got a hair sticking straight up. Like, I'm not getting. Oh, my God.

[Guest Speaker]

But that's insane. I just hate doing like a minute longer videos too. Like, I. Oh, I. I love it.

[Emma]

I'm like, let me chop talk.

[Kayla Malik]

No, I really will be making like 10 minute tick tocks and then I just make like three and a half cents. I should figure it out. But whatever, I'll be fine.

[Guest Speaker]

It was like the days we can make like a 15 second audio sync video and you get paid like 15 bands it or whatever.

[Kayla Malik]

That was a thing.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh my God. That's when I first started. It was like you could get paid off of videos that were like a second long and I was making so much money. And YouTube like used.

[Emma]

YouTube used to be so much more profitable than it is now.

[Kayla Malik]

Oh my God. I just had a copyright.

[Emma]

You got to live through it.

[Kayla Malik]

I did get. I did. I loved that area.

[Emma]

If you've been. If you've been.

[Guest Speaker]

I. I've never been like that consistent on YouTube ever. It's so hard.

[Kayla Malik]

It is hard. It is like so hard. Shout out Jay Ron.

[Guest Speaker]

And starting off as like a, you know, tick tocker. It's like hard to like go from short form to long form. So it's like I. And I hate editing. Like you edit your own videos, right?

[Kayla Malik]

I edit now. I edit like 50 of them. Like literally 50. 50. I'll kind of. I'll do a video. J Rod. I'll do a video. I'll do a video just to make it like. And you can tell the ones he does like. It is nuts. I'm like smashing my palm on the keyboard.

[Emma]

I just know you're good.

[Guest Speaker]

I don't have the like what you want the, the patience to sit there and like re. Watch what I just said?

[Kayla Malik]

Like same. I get it.

[Emma]

It's hard sometimes I'll return to it like months later and then I'll feel like, oh, I can't post this now, it's too late.

[Kayla Malik]

I love posting late though now. Cuz it's like whatever. It's still. It's a time capsule. That's how I look at it. You know what I mean? And it's camp. Exactly.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Kayla Malik]

Like you know what I mean?

[Emma]

We're like, yeah, Katy Perry just went to the moon.

[Kayla Malik]

No, I know. That's the worst thing about touring is they even like this one in our next episode being like they're to going to be like a week later or something. And I'm just like, yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

When do you guys go back on tour?

[Kayla Malik]

We go back in July. You would kill touring too. I didn't even think I want to.

[Guest Speaker]

Do that with Jacob so bad.

[Kayla Malik]

You guys will you 100% well. And you could do like a whole ass variety show with him. He makes great music. On a side note, he's so talented.

[Guest Speaker]

I like collab on Sweatshirt with him.

[Emma]

Yeah.

[Kayla Malik]

Why wouldn't you feature on I. Oh, my God. I'm like, okay, we need. We need. She's dragging it. Merch. We need you featuring on Sweatshirt, please.

[Guest Speaker]

That's.

[Kayla Malik]

Yes.

[Guest Speaker]

Like a sweatshirt remake.

[Emma]

Yes, Sweatshirt with.

[Kayla Malik]

And you could be like, I don't want your sweatshirt.

[Guest Speaker]

You know who. Just Yami to make her a diss track. Who? Mahaboo.

[Kayla Malik]

No way. Do it. You know Lomabu.

[Emma]

I don't know you.

[Kayla Malik]

I don't know.

[Guest Speaker]

Actually take her on a trip, fly her to New York, sign my nail on her tits.

[Kayla Malik]

And then. Who did he have in the music video? Who did he have in the music video? Oh, yeah, like, during Baby. Baby, Baby.

[Guest Speaker]

What's his name?

[Kayla Malik]

Blueface. After Blueface and Christian broke up, he made this song and he had Chrisean in the video, and it, like, broke the Internet. You should 1000% do that. I love a diss track.

[Guest Speaker]

I want to do a diss track. So cathartic.

[Kayla Malik]

Yeah, it really is.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, my God. I feel like I could really cook. I feel like I would really cook.

[Kayla Malik]

Especially and just try all the things. I feel like you're in this era of just, like, freedom and you are so, so creative. And once again, I feel like. I mean, at least I'm thinking about me just as your biggest supporter and fan of everything you do. Like, so many people are gonna love whatever you want to do. So I'm just so excited to see you, like, try all those things. And, like, I just. I love you and I want to have you back on even to, like, Kiki. It's so crazy that you are 20 years old and you are, like, this well spoken.

[Guest Speaker]

Thank you. No, like, I'm, like, honored to be on here. Like, these. This is Dead Ass. The one podcast that I will consistently keep up with because I'm so sorry.

[Kayla Malik]

I'll recommend some better ones.

[Guest Speaker]

It's so good. It's so fucking good.

[Kayla Malik]

Like, I love this and we love you and you. Like, I was just saying this to Camilla and I don't want people to start saying, like, Tina says this to everyone. They're gonna anyways. But I don't say this to fucking everyone because it takes a special breed of human for me to see any part of myself in them. And, like, just from the beginning when we were first messaging, I'm always like, oh, my God, like, so many of little things that you'll do just randomly. I'm like, that reminds me of Baby me in a lot of ways. And, like, I don't know, just even you Being blonde, having all your necklaces, it's like, making me think of just. And I just, like, I want nothing but the best for you. And, like, I always have, and, like, you know, I'm always there for you and just all of those kind of things. And I just fucking love you.

[Guest Speaker]

I love you guys.

[Kayla Malik]

And I just. I'm really, like, it's an honor. Like, you could have done any podcast in the world to talk about all of this. And it's. I was with Trisha the other day, and Trisha was talking. Talking about how much that she loves you. And then we were looking back at the first few episodes of Just Trish, and you were one of them. And the title was, like, Kayla Malik loves Tana Mongeau. And I was like, oh, my God, that's just so sweet. And I'm, like, just so happy to, like, form a beautiful friendship and just, like, be there.

[Guest Speaker]

You guys really are an inspiration, more than you know. And, like, as a viewer of the podcast, like, the way that y' all go about shit in a way of, like, I'm saying this because I want to say it and not giving a fuck and just, like, the friendship of it all and, like, show, like, George Gate, like, shit like that. Like, the fucking fights of it all, like, it's real as fuck. And I just. I love you guys.

[Emma]

Thank you for coming on.

[Kayla Malik]

You are one of the girlies, you know what I mean? Like, you are when we talk about the girls who get it and, like, whatever like, that is. So you. And I appreciate that. Messy, unapologetically, yourself. And just, like, even when maybe people might want you to shut the up, doubling down and, like, just continuing to speak your truth how you want, like, this is your life. And, yes, those haters and those bots. And I just love you.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, I love you guys. Man, this is so fun. A thank you.

[Emma]

Thank you, Sam.