Podcast Summary: Change Your Brain Every Day Episode: ADHD & Intimacy: The Physical Intimacy No One Talks About – Part 2
Release Date: March 17, 2025
Host/Author: Dr. Daniel Amen & Tana Amen

Introduction and Context

In this insightful episode of Change Your Brain Every Day, New York Times bestselling authors Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen delve into the intricate relationship between ADHD and intimacy. Building on the foundation laid in Part 1, this episode explores the often-overlooked aspects of physical intimacy affected by ADHD, offering personal anecdotes, expert insights, and practical strategies for couples navigating these challenges.

Personal Stories and Experiences

Tana Amen's Struggle with ADD and Depression

Tana Amen shares her personal journey with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and the profound impact untreated ADD had on her life. She recounts her experience with thyroid cancer in her 20s, which led to depression exacerbated by inadequate thyroid replacement therapy.

Tana Amen [00:00]: "I certainly didn't think I had it because I was doing pretty well in life... It doesn't matter if you're doing okay, if you're not meeting your potential. The point is, are you meeting your potential and how hard is it for you to get there?"

Dr. Daniel Amen adds context to Tana's struggles by explaining the biochemical imbalance caused by selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like Prozac, which can exacerbate ADD symptoms by altering serotonin and dopamine levels in the brain.

Dr. Daniel Amen [00:40]: "Every day you are making your brain better or you are making it worse."

Tana describes the adverse effects she experienced while on Prozac, highlighting the importance of personalized treatment.

Tana Amen [04:06]: "I didn't feel the depression, but something wasn't right... I ended up on a dare in Costa Rica with nothing. And I was stupid."

Treatment of ADD and Medications

Understanding the Impact of SSRIs and Alternative Medications

Dr. Amen elucidates the delicate balance between serotonin and dopamine in the brain, emphasizing how SSRIs can inadvertently worsen ADD symptoms by lowering dopamine levels.

Dr. Daniel Amen [02:00]: "...it takes people who have ADD and actually makes them more add, but they don't care. They're more ADD because it's also lowered their anxiety."

Tana shares her positive response to Wellbutrin, a medication that increases dopamine levels, contrasting it with her negative experience with Prozac.

Tana Amen [05:55]: "Well, how would you know unless you looked?"

Tana Amen [06:20]: "...with Wellbutrin it was great. Completely different response to it. Like, wildly different."

Biochemical Strategies for Managing ADD

The hosts discuss various medications and natural treatments that can help balance neurotransmitters, promoting better focus and emotional stability.

Impact of ADD on Relationships and Intimacy

Rejection Sensitivity and Emotional Responses

A significant portion of the discussion centers on how ADD affects emotional responses in relationships, particularly through Rejection Sensitivity Syndrome (RSS). This heightened sensitivity can lead to intense feelings of shame, withdrawal, or anger over seemingly minor issues.

Dr. Daniel Amen [07:40]: "Rejection sensitivity syndrome, which is very common in ADD people... And that can also lead to cheating."

Strategies for Enhancing Intimacy

Dr. Amen and Tana offer practical advice for couples, emphasizing gentle communication and understanding the unique emotional landscapes of partners with ADD.

Dr. Daniel Amen [07:59]: "The best way to handle it is gentle communication instead of I don't feel like it, say I love you and I want to be close. Can we plan for tomorrow?"

Tana Amen [08:26]: "Make sure that they understand that it's not about them, it's not personal, but rather it's something else, even though it feels personal."

Different Types of ADD and Intimacy Strategies

Dr. Amen introduces a comprehensive classification of seven types of ADD, each requiring tailored intimacy strategies:

1. Classic ADD/ADHD: Characterized by hyperactivity and impulsivity.
2. Inattentive ADD: Marked by distractibility and disorganization without hyperactivity.
3. Overfocused ADD: Combines OCD traits with ADD, leading to rigidity.
4. Temporal Lobe ADD: Includes mood instability and dark thoughts.
5. Limbic ADD: Involves emotional dysregulation and sadness.
6. Ring of Fire ADD: Features significant mood swings.
7. Type Seven ADD: Requires soothing techniques for anxiety.

Dr. Daniel Amen [22:00]: "There are seven types of add and I always think their intimacy strategies are a little bit different for each of the seven types."

Each type is explored with specific strategies to enhance intimacy, such as engaging in high-dopamine activities like watching a scary movie for certain ADD types to boost connection and excitement.

Family Dynamics and Emotional Safety

The conversation shifts to the broader impact of ADD on family life, stressing the importance of emotional safety and mutual understanding. Proper treatment of ADD not only benefits individuals but also strengthens family relationships by reducing conflict and enhancing communication.

Dr. Daniel Amen [20:41]: "It's the same concept that, and that's why it's a family issue. And it's why I always, I think of myself as a family psychiatrist."

Tana emphasizes the transformation that treatment can bring, likening it to restoring balance and harmony within family dynamics.

Tana Amen [21:22]: "Like if you were with someone really unhealthy and you suddenly get treatment and now you're healthy or healthier... you might notice it a lot more."

Conclusion and Key Takeaways

In wrapping up the episode, Dr. Amen and Tana highlight the critical importance of recognizing and treating ADD to enhance personal potential and relationship quality. They advocate for viewing ADD through a compassionate lens, akin to needing glasses, rather than as a deficit or excuse.

Dr. Daniel Amen [15:08]: "ADD is real and when it's left untreated, it causes real problems."

Tana Amen [15:08]: "If you're not treating it, you're not treating it."

The hosts encourage listeners to seek personalized treatment, maintain open communication with their partners, and foster emotional safety to navigate the complexities of intimacy affected by ADD.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Tana Amen [00:00]: "It doesn't matter if you're doing okay, if you're not meeting your potential and how hard is it for you to get there?"
• Dr. Daniel Amen [00:40]: "Every day you are making your brain better or you are making it worse."
• Tana Amen [04:06]: "I was making decisions that were crazy for me. Like, it's not like me."
• Dr. Daniel Amen [07:40]: "Cheating is more common in relationships where one or more people have ADD or ADHD."
• Tana Amen [08:26]: "Make sure that they understand that it's not about them, it's not personal."
• Dr. Daniel Amen [15:08]: "ADD is real and when it's left untreated, it causes real problems."

Final Thoughts

Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen provide a nuanced exploration of how ADD intersects with intimacy, offering valuable insights for individuals and couples alike. By sharing personal experiences and professional expertise, they illuminate the path toward healthier, more fulfilling relationships for those affected by ADD.

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