Change Your Brain Every Day Podcast

Episode: Charles Duhigg: How to Instantly Connect—The Science of Supercommunication
Release Date: April 7, 2025
Hosts: Dr. Daniel Amen & Tana Amen
Guest: Charles Duhigg, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and author of The Power of Habit and Super Communicators

1. Introduction to Supercommunication

Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen welcome Charles Duhigg to discuss the nuances of effective communication. They delve into common misconceptions, diverse communication styles, and the significance of active listening in building deeper connections.

2. Debunking Communication Myths

Timestamp: [02:47] Charles Duhigg

Charles addresses the prevalent myth that great communicators are inherently charismatic or extroverted. He emphasizes that effective communication is a learned skill cultivated through practice and attention. Charles shares insights from individuals who initially struggled with communication but transformed their abilities through dedicated effort.

“Great communicators are not born that way. They’re great communicators because they pay attention to how communication happens, and they practice until they get good at it.”
— Charles Duhigg [02:47]

3. Understanding Conversation Types

Timestamp: [03:39] Charles Duhigg

Dr. Amen highlights a key concept from Charles’s book: conversations fall into three categories—practical, emotional, and social. Charles explains the importance of identifying the type of conversation to foster understanding and connection.

“There are these practical conversations, which is about making plans together, solving problems. But then there’s emotional conversations where I tell you what I’m feeling and I don’t want you to solve my feelings, I want you to empathize.”
— Charles Duhigg [04:02]

4. Matching Communication Styles

Timestamp: [06:51] Charles Duhigg

Charles introduces the matching principle—successful communication requires that all parties engage in the same type of conversation simultaneously. He illustrates this with personal anecdotes, demonstrating how mismatched conversation types can lead to misunderstandings and conflict.

“The researchers said if two people or more aren’t having the same kind of conversation at the same moment, then they can’t really hear each other and they won’t feel connected.”
— Charles Duhigg [06:51]

5. The Power of Deep Questions and Active Listening

Timestamp: [08:04] Dr. Daniel Amen & [10:19] Charles Duhigg

Tana and Dr. Amen discuss the role of deep questions in enhancing communication. Charles emphasizes that the best communicators ask significantly more questions—especially deep ones that delve into values, beliefs, and experiences.

“A deep question is something that asks us about our values or our beliefs or our experiences.”
— Charles Duhigg [08:04]

He also introduces the technique of looping for understanding, which involves asking a question, repeating back what was heard, and confirming accuracy to prove active listening.

“Once we’ve done that, once we’ve said what I hear you saying is this, ask them for permission to acknowledge that we were listening.”
— Charles Duhigg [19:07]

6. Managing Mismatched Conversations and Conflict

Timestamp: [15:03] Charles Duhigg

Charles provides examples of how mismatched conversations can escalate conflicts, particularly in relationships. He shares techniques to navigate such scenarios by identifying the conversation type and aligning communication accordingly.

“When you’re having different kinds of conversations, it’s not that you hear what he’s saying and you’re like, you don’t understand. It’s that literally, his words are not entering your brain, and your words aren’t entering his brain.”
— Charles Duhigg [17:22]

7. The Importance of Close Relationships

Timestamp: [23:10] Charles Duhigg

Drawing from the Harvard Study of Adult Development, Charles underscores that having a handful of close relationships significantly predicts happiness, health, and success in later life. He connects this to effective communication, highlighting that meaningful conversations are the foundation of these relationships.

“Having close relationships with other people is the thing that makes our brain stronger. It makes our brain more healthy... and the way that we develop close relationships is almost always through conversation.”
— Charles Duhigg [23:10]

8. Digital Communication vs. Face-to-Face

Timestamp: [35:27] Charles Duhigg

The discussion shifts to the impact of digital communication on relationships and mental health. Charles differentiates between social media and online communication, noting that while social media can contribute to issues like anxiety, online communication itself can be a robust medium for emotional connections when used effectively.

“For them, it is real. And in fact... some of the messages are just a string of emojis. And what that is, that’s an emotional conversation.”
— Charles Duhigg [35:48]

He compares the adaptation to digital communication to the early days of telephone use, suggesting that familiarity and practice will enhance its effectiveness for current generations.

9. The Future of Communication with AI

Timestamp: [39:51] Charles Duhigg

Charles shares his perspective on the evolving role of AI in communication. While acknowledging the uncertainty surrounding AI’s potential to facilitate authentic human-like conversations, he remains cautiously optimistic about its future applications.

“Until we see where the future goes, it’s pretty hard to say how it’s going to shape us.”
— Charles Duhigg [39:55]

10. Practical Tips to Enhance Communication

Timestamp: [40:54] Charles Duhigg

Charles offers actionable advice for listeners to improve their communication skills. He encourages practicing deep questioning to foster meaningful interactions and strengthen connections.

“The best thing to do is just tomorrow pledge to ask someone a deep question... Ask how they feel about their life, and you’ll be shocked at how good you feel afterwards.”
— Charles Duhigg [40:54]

He provides examples of deep questions and illustrates their impact through personal experiences shared by the hosts.

11. Conclusion and Further Resources

In closing, Charles shares information on how listeners can learn more about his work through his website and encourages ongoing practice of the discussed communication techniques to foster stronger, healthier relationships.

“Ask the why of their life or about how they feel about their life. Why did you decide to become a doctor? And it’s magic.”
— Charles Duhigg [44:37]

Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen express their gratitude to Charles, reinforcing the podcast’s mission to empower listeners to take control of their brains and enhance their lives through better communication.

Key Takeaways

• Effective communication is a learned skill, not an innate trait.
• Identify the type of conversation (practical, emotional, social) to enhance understanding and connection.
• Deep questions and active listening are crucial for meaningful interactions.
• Matching communication styles prevents misunderstandings and conflicts.
• Close relationships significantly contribute to long-term happiness and success.
• Digital communication has both challenges and opportunities for building connections.
• Practical steps, like asking deep questions, can immediately improve communication effectiveness.

Notable Quotes

“The goal of a conversation is to understand how you see the world and to speak in such a way that you can understand how I see the world.”
— Charles Duhigg [00:00]

“When you say I liked having an emotional conversation with you, let’s move to the practical conversation. You’re going to be in sync.”
— Charles Duhigg [40:54]

For more insights and resources, visit Charles Duhigg’s website or explore their books, The Power of Habit and Super Communicators.