Intimacy Anorexia: Are You Starving Your Relationship?

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Intimacy Anorexia: Are You Starving Your Relationship?"

Introduction to Intimacy Anorexia

In the June 23, 2025 episode of Change Your Brain Every Day, hosts Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen engage in a profound conversation with guest Dr. Doug Weiss, a licensed psychologist and Executive Director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center. The discussion centers around the concept of Intimacy Anorexia, a term coined by Dr. Weiss to describe the active withholding of emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy in relationships.

Understanding Intimacy Anorexia

Dr. Weiss elucidates that Intimacy Anorexia is not merely a lack of sexual activity but a deeper emotional disconnect. He explains, “Intimacy anorexia is the active withholding of spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy from your spouse” (04:07). This leads to feelings of isolation within a marriage, where one partner feels neglected and alone despite the appearance of a stable relationship.

Causes and Development

Several factors contribute to the development of Intimacy Anorexia:

1. Sexual Addiction: Individuals may engage in sexual activities disconnected from their partner's emotional needs. Dr. Weiss notes, “they're still being sexual with it more than they are the soul of their spouse” (06:26), highlighting how addiction hijacks genuine connection.

2. Sexual Abuse: Those who have experienced sexual abuse may associate intimacy with pain, leading them to withdraw emotionally and physically from their partners.

3. Role Model Neglect: Growing up with emotionally distant or abusive parents can prevent individuals from developing healthy intimacy skills. Dr. Weiss states, “when we're not skilled because of our family of origin, we can duplicate the same patterns of a lack of intimacy” (07:00).

Symptoms and Impacts

Dr. Weiss shares insights from his research, revealing that women experiencing Intimacy Anorexia exhibit symptoms comparable to those who have been cheated on or are married to sex addicts. He emphasizes, “a woman who's being neglected is experiencing the same PTSD as a woman who is being cheated on” (12:29). Common symptoms include:

• Emotional Pain and Depression: Feelings of hopelessness and depression due to prolonged neglect.
• Physical Health Issues: Weight gain and other stress-related health problems.
• Social Withdrawal: Increased vulnerability as emotional needs go unmet, making individuals susceptible to seeking validation elsewhere.

Identification and Diagnosis

Identifying Intimacy Anorexia involves recognizing patterns of withholding and emotional distance. Dr. Weiss recommends counseling and educational resources such as his books Intimacy and Married Alone. He advises couples to engage in joint activities like watching informative videos together to foster understanding and initiate change. “If you give them the skills, they may start liking intimacy,” he explains (17:34).

Solutions and Recommendations

Addressing Intimacy Anorexia requires proactive steps:

• Education and Awareness: Understanding the problem through resources and counseling.
• Skill Development: Learning how to reconnect emotionally and physically with one’s partner.
• Mutual Effort: Both partners must be willing to engage in the healing process. Dr. Weiss mentions, “if they get up from that video and they're angry, mad at you, you're not in a situation that's probably going to change” (17:19).

Gender Differences and Broader Implications

The conversation also delves into how Intimacy Anorexia affects different genders uniquely. While women often bear the emotional brunt and seek deeper connections, men may respond by divorcing or disengaging without seeking counseling. Dr. Weiss highlights, “the Betrayed man is real” (25:16), acknowledging that men also suffer but may handle their pain differently, often opting for separation rather than seeking therapy.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

The episode underscores the critical importance of emotional intimacy in maintaining healthy relationships. Dr. Weiss emphasizes that neglecting intimacy can lead to severe emotional trauma comparable to other forms of betrayal. He encourages those affected to seek professional help and utilize available resources to rebuild their connections.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Doug Weiss (04:07): “Intimacy anorexia is the active withholding of spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy from your spouse.”
• Dr. Doug Weiss (12:29): “A woman who's being neglected is experiencing the same PTSD as a woman who is being cheated on.”
• Dr. Doug Weiss (17:19): “If they get up from that video and they're angry, mad at you, you're not in a situation that's probably going to change.”
• Dr. Doug Weiss (25:16): “The Betrayed man is real.”

This episode offers valuable insights into the often-overlooked issue of Intimacy Anorexia, providing both understanding and actionable steps for those seeking to restore intimacy in their relationships.

Transcript

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Women who are married to sex addicts, women who have been cheated on, and women who have been starved by intimacy, anorexia. We ran them through multiple tests. They were within 1 or 2% of each other on every single scale. So a woman who's being neglected is experiencing the same PTSD as a woman who is being cheated on. Doug Weiss is a licensed psychologist and the Executive director of Heart to Heart.

[Host]

Counseling center, known for his work with people struggling with addiction and trauma.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

No one wakes up and says, you know, I want to starve my spouse. Well, they get here through, number one, sexual addiction. Even if they're using their spouse's body, they're not. Their eyes are closed and they're disconnected. The other reason is sexual abuse. If someone's been sexually abused, sex is painful and they don't want to go there. The other one is role model neglect. Where mom and dad were, intimacy, anorexic, emotionally distant, unavailable or abusive and unsafe. And when we're not skilled because of our family of origin, we can duplicate the same patterns of a lack of intimacy.

[Co-Host]

And what do you do about that?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Well, if you're married and alone, I would definitely.

[Dr. Daniel Amen]

Every day you are making your brain.

[Co-Host]

Better or you are making it worse.

[Dr. Daniel Amen]

Stay with us to learn how you.

[Co-Host]

Can change your brain for the better every day.

[Dr. Daniel Amen]

Whether you're a police officer, firefighter, emt, therapist, or other personnel, you have to face high intensity, stressful situations on a regular basis. In some cases, you have to make split second life or death decisions. The job can lead to critical incident stress, lack of focus, irritability, difficulty relating to others on the job, lack of motivation, excessive alcohol or drug use, and more. Hi, I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. As a psychiatrist and brain health expert, I've worked with hundreds of first responders and I've seen that all of these issues are related to brain health problems. Brain dysfunction is the number one reason why first responders have trouble on the job and in life. To perform at your best, you need to be at your best. This means you need to optimize your brain because everything you think, do or feel is based on the physical functioning of your brain. Coaching yourself and your colleagues to better brain health is the key to being more effective. My Change youe Brain Change youe Life for First Responders course can help you do it. By following the simple yet powerful brain health strategies in this course, you and your team can develop peak performance. Better decision making, greater resilience, more energy, less fatigue, better moods, critical incident stress reduction, healthy skills and coping mechanisms. Stronger communication skills in high risk, emotionally charged situations, and so much more. With a better brain always comes a better life and a better first responder. The time is now for a brain health revolution, and it starts with you. Sign up now.

[Host]

Welcome back to the Change youe Brain Every Day podcast. We are having such a great conversation with Dr. Doug Weiss. This is part two.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

And.

[Host]

And I just want to show his book, Forgiveness for Everyone. It's coming out soon and we'll let you talk about that a little bit. But we're just having such a great conversation about intimacy and betrayal and addiction. It's just fascinating to me. So we want to talk. We want to kick this segment off with intimacy anorexia, understanding it and how to overcome it. And what does it even mean? Not an eating disorder.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Absolutely. Well, we want to do that. I mean, intimacy anorexia. And you've had clients who've had this and, you know, people who've been through this. Okay. Intimacy anorexia is the active withholding of spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy from your spouse. Everyone else thinks you're a wonderful person, but when you go home, you close your heart's door and your spouse feels outside. He or she feels married and alone. We have conversations. I feel like we're roommates. I feel like we're business partners. I don't feel loved. What we need to do, go to counseling. We need to get jump started. You're having this dialogue on a regular basis every couple years about the pain that one person's in. And intimacy anorexia is real. Starving. A spouse is real. And it's a term that we, we, we coined because I was seeing, I was working with sex addicts and I was running into this couple and this guy who's a sex app, but he's not touching his wife for five or 10 years at a time. I'm like, well, that doesn't make any sense. So what am I really looking at here? And develop into intimacy anorexia, the concept. And it's really helped people understand what's going on inside that sexless and married relationship, you know, and the lack of intimacy. Some of them will be sexual, but they're not intimate. They don't give their heart to you. And when you marry someone who doesn't give their heart to you, you feel so alone when they're laying next to you and you feel like you're just going through the motions day after day. And it hurts. And the longer you go, really, the first 10 years, you will try, try, try, try, try to do everything you can to be loved by them. The second decade, you will tend to either get yourself busy with the kids, volunteer, you will get distracted, or medicate. As you move into the third decade, you get hopeless, and your heart can actually stop. It's just like, I got nothing left. Because for decades, you've put nothing in there, and it's gone.

[Host]

Well, we have to talk a little bit about, at that stage, emptiness syndrome. Because when women have emptiness syndrome and especially if they don't feel like their spouse is their best friend, it's. It's rough. I mean, I know I just sort of went through that, but my spouse is my best friend. But it's hard.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Absolutely. Well, any additional pain, Right. If you're already in pain, it's more like being starved. It's like, if I would fast for a month, I would not be the same Dr. Doug Weiss. I would be angry, frustrated, short.

[Host]

Right.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Impatient. Right. And. And so when you're being starved, you get altered in the process. It's the partner betrayal, trauma. We'll talk about that in a little bit. But the intimacy anorexia is real, and people can find out about that. But also, like, how does someone get that way? Like, no one wakes up and says, you know what? I want to be a sex actor. Hey, you know, I want to be an intimacy anorexic. When I grow up, I want to starve my spouse. That's what I want to do. Well, they get here through number one. We talked on the earlier podcast about sexual addiction. They hijacked their sexual template, and they attached to an it instead of a soul. And during marriage, they're still being sexual with it more than they are the soul of their spouse. Even if they're using their spouse's body, they're not present. Their eyes are closed, and they're disconnected. Okay. Which is a really bad sign, and it's really bad sexuality. You want to have your eyes open, lights on, nursing, conversation, connect. And there's a whole book called upgrade your sex life. It'll blow your mind. It's great stuff. Okay. But that's one reason. The other reason is sexual abuse. We talked about that. Well, if someone's been sexually abused, sex is painful. And they might not want to have it, or they might want to be really in control of it, or they might want to, like, not be as present in it because it might be pain, and they don't want to go there. Okay. The other one is a role model. Neglect, where mom and dad were. Intimacy, anorexic, emotionally Distant, unavailable, or abusive and unsafe. And so especially if it's the cross gender parent, you don't learn to attach to the cross gender, so you learn to function cross gender. And when you get married, you go into functionship with cross gender because you don't know how to relate to cross gender. Wow, does that make sense? And so your, your skill is limited. And therefore humans, in my experience, tend to do, don't tend not to do things they're not good at or don't know anything about. Like I don't know anything about motors. If my car breaks down, I will do what every guy does, lift up the hood and then call aaa because I don't know what to do with that thing. Right. And when we're not skilled because of our family of origin, we can duplicate the same patterns of a lack of intimacy and connection. Now those are the easiest to work with because if an intimacy orex wants to get better and wants to have intimacy, I've seen that miracle happen thousands of times. But I've also seen where someone says, no, I'm not letting you in. Even if you give me the skills, I'm not coming out to play. And that's hard to stay married to. That's hard to day in, day out do life with because you're paying a price every day with your soul because of the neglect, because we're meant to be poured into and pour out, pour in, pour out, you know, and if we have that going on, life is great. Like my wife and I have a great relationship. We connect and we pour into each other and we're able to. It's a give and receive and fun. We attack each other, we play. It's great, right? But when you're in a situation where one person might be doing all the initiation and the other person's not doing that, they'll forget your birthday, they'll put you in pain if you want to be intimate. They'll put you in pain if you suggest that they're not wonderful. Right. That's not fun anymore. And that's kind of how intimacy and Rex, it can develop.

[Host]

Interesting.

[Co-Host]

It's so common for me to talk to couples who haven't touched each other in years.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

I know, isn't it sad?

[Co-Host]

I just like, that's so sad.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

It's so sad. And then the spouse, we have a whole book on married and alone and the statistics on that are massively damaging.

[Host]

And I hear that a lot. I hear that a lot from just the women that I know in my groups. It's it's like I just feel like I, you know, I had the kids to focus on. That's what I was trying to get at, right? So it was fine. I was fine being alone because I had the kids, I was functioning. Now I don't have the kids. And I'm not buying anymore.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

No, because now you're looking for a relationship, right? And the absence of that relationship becomes so painful. And in the fact you've invested 5, 10, 15, or 20 years of your life into something that doesn't have any return, you go, what am I doing? I only have so much time left now I'm in my 40s or 50s, and do I really want to be unloved the rest of my life? And that's a real question for those that are married and alone. And the married alone material has lots of statistics on what they go through. Depression, weight gain. You know, I did a conference one time in a women's conference, and a lady came up to me and said, you know, I think she said, you know, would you pray for me? Or something like that. And I looked at her, she was significantly overweight, she had low self esteem, and I could just tell she was. I said, I don't mind doing this, but go home and ask your husband if he's looking at pornography, okay? Because she had all the symptoms of that. But he was also living with intimacy, anorexic, being starved. And a woman who is starved is different than a woman who's not starved. And a man who is starved is different, okay? And that does make you vulnerable. You know, if you're even reasonably attractive and you're out there and you're starved, the other, the other gender can smell it and they can go, oh, well, that's not being cared for, right? You know, like when you see a car that's not been washed, you can sense it and go, wow, that's interesting. And then they start complimenting and it can get into trouble, okay? It's still, you make your own choices in that situation, but the pain is real. Actually, in the book Partner Betrayal Trauma, you'll find this fascinating because you like to do research. So three different populations. Women who are married to sex addicts, women who have been cheated on, infidelity, and women who have been starved by intimacy, anorexia. We ran them through multiple tests, okay, pre and post. And I was expecting, like you would, well, there's going to be some variances here. We're going to find this situation causes this, this causes this. And. But when, as I went through the research, and I went through several times, what I was blown away with Dr. Aman was this. They were within 1 or 2% of each other on every single scale. So a woman who's being neglected is experiencing the same PTSD as a woman who is being cheated on or a woman who's married to a sex addict. She has the same symptoms. Exactly. And so they're the kind of the silent pain that we don't hear, except for, like, you and I. They come to our office and they say, hey, we haven't had sex in 10 years, 15 years.

[Co-Host]

There's gender differences, intimacy, anorexia.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

No, but I can say that a male anorexia, because men and women, you know, girls are supposed to be good, and guys, you know, we're allowed to be not so good. But so when you tell, that's when you tell. I know it doesn't fly and it's not true, but culturally, that's kind of the thing. So when a female anorexic, you tell her that she's not being good, she has a real problem with that because they're an object relationship with self as well as others. So if they're not in the good box, they feel like they're in the all bad box. They're either all bad or all good. And. And intimacy is doing some very bad things. Okay. It's. It's not kind to starve somebody of physical affection. It's not kind to not praise them. Okay. It's not kind to continually point out the 2% you don't like about them when they're 98% perfect and you're less than that. Right. Okay. And it just. It just continue to build this wedge. And it's intentional. That's the thing. We have a DVD about that. And when.

[Co-Host]

When we call pain thinking of a patient. And if you're married to a narcissist who really just sees themselves and they don't see you.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Right.

[Co-Host]

You're sort of married to an intimacy anorexic.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

You will experience the same symptoms, but for different reasons. Right. Just like I have a lot of ladies married to sex acts who think they're narcissists. Well, we've done studies on our MMPIs, and ours were lower than the general population because the symptoms of narcissism was based on the addiction, and the immaturity of the addiction wasn't based on a characterological problem. Does that make sense?

[Host]

That's really what.

[Co-Host]

If you really are married to.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

If you're married to a narcissist they're married to themselves. Right, but this is what's similar. The similarities are, and we have a DVD called Intimacy Anorexia, Sex addiction and Narcissism. Okay? So there is a whole like hour and a half of me explaining this, okay, but this, the symptoms are the same. They're both an object relationship, A narcissist and an intimacy anorexic. So you're not real, okay? You're part of the their thing. Okay? So in that way they are the same. They are both married to themselves, okay? And they will both let you pay the bill. Okay? So if I'm in pain, I'm going to hurt you if you're going to.

[Co-Host]

Have to.

[Dr. Daniel Amen]

Married to themselves.

[Co-Host]

Right, but you pay the bill, right? Because like, suppose someone who's been withholding for 20 years and then you have to pay the malimony.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Well, there's that. That could cost you. That could cost you. No, but that's, that's valid point.

[Host]

Yeah, or when, when they go to get divorced and that person looks at you and goes, what? What would. What, what's wrong? Nothing's wrong.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Well, they're not in pain. See, that's the problem, right?

[Host]

They don't understand why they're not seeing.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

A message, isn't in pain because they're not desiring intimacy. The person who's more normal, who wants intimacy is the one in pain.

[Host]

Like, I don't understand why you have a problem with this.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Right? Because they're getting their needs met. They're getting touched, they're getting praised, they're getting their birthday celebrated.

[Co-Host]

Okay, just by themselves.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

No, no. Like if they're married to a normal person, you're going to buy them a Christmas presentation, you're going to buy them birthday present, you're going to praise them, okay? You're going to touch them, you're going to want to pursue them, right? Because you really do enjoy them. So they're getting a lot of their needs met. You're just not okay? And so that's what I mean by paying the bill. You. It's kind of like you're doing all this initiation, but eventually you find out that it's not being reciprocated. And then you're you emotionally. And also if you try to call them on the carpet, you're the one who's going to get blamed. Okay?

[Co-Host]

So is the intimacy anorexic, the person who's not getting love or is it the person giving love?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

The person who's not giving it.

[Co-Host]

So you actively to One. And so what do you do about that?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Well, if you're married and alone, I would definitely, first of all, get. Get informed. Just, you know, you can go and [e-mail]. get informed because you'll be reading your. Your life story in the two books, Intimacy and Married Alone. You'd be like, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh. And we get thousands of phone calls a year because of that. It's like, this is what I'm dealing with. I didn't know what it was then. Get help. They can do intensives, they can do phone counseling, but it has to be in connecting to that. Now there's intimacy. Rex Book, workbook, Step book.

[Co-Host]

There's good loops with this podcast. What are some steps people can do if you're married to an intimacy anorexia?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Well, again, find out. Make sure it is what it is. Okay. All right. And if it is intimacy, actually, then you can ask them to read the book or watch the video. I usually say watch the video together. And if they get up from that video and they're angry, mad at you, you're not in a situation that's probably going to change.

[Host]

Or if they say, I don't know what you're talking about. Everything.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

If this is like, oh, my gosh, this is me now, there's hope. There's hope. Because what do you think?

[Host]

What are the. What are the chances that they're going to. That someone who's doing that is actually going to go, okay, I have a problem.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Oh, we've had many.

[Host]

Really?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

We've had many. Who. I'll never forget this lady who called the office and said, I just watch your dvd. That's me. And my husband is in so much pain. I can't believe I've done this to him. Because sometimes you just don't know what you don't know. And sometimes, like, you've written many books and you give them paradigms, and people will say, oh, well, that paradigm fits. Oh, that helps me, because now there's a solution. Because now I have a paradigm that makes sense. Right? And when you give them a paradigm of, like, intimacy, anorexia, and it works, and the solutions work, they're happy. And some people don't want to be that way. They don't want to be withholding. They don't have the skills to do it, and the work gives them the skills to do it, and then they start liking intimacy. I can't tell you how many I can think of hundreds. If not More than that, probably more than a thousand. Where the intimacy anorexic was the one who was really loving it. It's like, oh my gosh, I can share my feelings and it's safe. Oh my gosh, I can give and receive praise. I didn't know I could do that.

[Host]

So they just never experienced it.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

They didn't experience it.

[Host]

Do you find. I'm just curious, do you find a bigger percentage of that population comes from trauma in their childhood or does it come from other sources? Like where does this develop?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

And as we talked about earlier, any one of those roads can come from sexual addiction by. By the template. Okay. Because you're not their preferred object. Okay. It can come through where there is trauma, where they are setting you off, or they can't let you all the way in and feel safe because you haven't done the work yet. And it can come from role model neglect and parenting or an attachment, lack of attachment to the opposite gender parent. Any one of those four things can set you on the screen.

[Host]

So you don't really see a significantly more of one or the other.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Yeah, not really. I mean, we do a lot with sexual addiction, so we see a lot more sex addicts. But if you took it generally, I don't think you would see that it would pan out much.

[Co-Host]

I was just thinking, but it's going to grow. Early in my career, I studied children and grandchildren of alcoholics. And my first wife, when I was in medical school, tried to kill herself.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Oh, wow. And.

[Co-Host]

And I've talked about this publicly. And I took her to see a wonderful psychiatrist. And I came to realize if he helped her, which he did, it wouldn't just help her, it would help me. It would help our children and help our grandchildren. And it came out that her dad was a raging alcoholic, which she denied initially, said, no, he wasn't an alcoholic. Even though he beat her mother or even though the police were being called. I mean, it was.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Symptoms were there.

[Co-Host]

Yeah. And what we learned is they don't talk, they don't trust, and they don't feel.

[Dr. Daniel Amen]

Feel all addictions.

[Co-Host]

And there are 30 million children of alcoholics and I wonder how many of them might end up with this intimacy anorexia. Because you don't feel. Because that's dangerous.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

The other thing is now we're in a generation where they can go to the computer in their phone and they can attach to fake relationships in that way and feeling like they're actually doing that, but not having a real relationship in reality. So we actually have Another venue to escape that we didn't have before. But we have a book on beyond the bedroom which is for adult children of sex addicts. And it's the same thing. The statistics on their attachment in their primary relationships are challenged. They have a lot of issues because of the sex addiction in their family. Because when you're, when you're being raised by an addict, you're being raised by about a 12 to 14 year old. Because in addiction you stop developing whenever the addiction starts happening consistently. And most.

[Co-Host]

That's very important point. So your brain stops developing when you start being addicted to whatever.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

It's not just your brain is spiritually, emotionally and morally because you're just so morally is the right and wrong stuff. Right? So you just, you literally rob your brain of, of. Of. Well, your development. You rob your development because you're stuck in adolescence. Because when you feel, you go to it, you don't process the feeling, you don't figure out, you don't ask for help, you don't grow, you don't change, you just medicate and you come back to the same problem. And so if you're being raised by a 14 year old, you're going to be challenged. Right?

[Co-Host]

You talked about spiritual anorexia. What, what did you mean by that?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Well, I don't know that I use the term spiritual anorexia. I mean, you can withhold spiritually. That was what I said is an intimacy, actually, you withhold spiritually. So they might be a pastor, they might be a medicine man, rabbi. I've dealt with all of them. Okay. And even though they're the spiritual figure, when they are home, they won't connect spiritually with their spouse. They won't pray with them, they won't. Now in church they'll raise their hands or they'll be in the, they'll be the people in the front pray. But when they go home, they don't connect. And it's even harder in that community because whether you're the wife or husband of a spiritual leader and then they're your spiritual leader and your spouse and they're neglecting you. That's hard on the soul.

[Co-Host]

Yeah, well, it's a lack of authenticity.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Absolutely. But they're in object relationships with self and others. So it's about managing the image.

[Co-Host]

That's such an interesting concept.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Yeah, well, object. Well, let's go down there just for one second. Object relationship is basically where people have no value. That's why as a narcissist, they can lie. Or as an anorexic they can withhold, et cetera. People have no value, okay? There are no rules and there are no consequences.

[Host]

That's my worst nightmare, okay?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Now the reverse of that is relational reality, which is people have value. Like, we've committed our careers to helping people because. Because they have value, okay? There are rules. We didn't write them. And there are consequences if we disobey them. Right. And there's a. But. Those are two different operating systems. But they're inside human beings and they're working off of one or the other. And you got to make sure you're working with someone who's on the same program as you are. Otherwise you can get messed up.

[Dr. Daniel Amen]

Are there dating clues?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Yes.

[Co-Host]

To your dating and intimacy. Anorexic.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Yeah. Get. Get your daughter finding Mr. Right. It is a master's level course on how to date. I'm not kidding.

[Host]

I feel like all girls do that right now.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

It's three hours long. It's 200 page workbook, okay? And it goes into all this stuff on how to look for. This is so important versus a child. Because addicts, they. Their development's robbed, right? So they look like adolescents. So you can find that out. And a mature man looks like a man, okay? But you got to know that there's male is not man.

[Host]

There are just so many male. Yeah. There are so many adult frat boys walking around that just never outgrew Greek life.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

That's because they're still drinking and they're still born.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Their addiction robbed them of development, okay? That's why they're still in bars at 50 years old. Like, okay, that might have been fun when you were 20, but come on. Right? So to your point. So, yeah, but the women. You're right. Women do need to be informed, okay? That's why, like you, I went in the studio, I spent hours going through this, teaching on finding Mr. Right. Why? Because for 40 years, I've listened to the broken hearts of really good, beautiful, incredible women who had their lives destroyed by men who were boys when they were dating. And they're like, Dr. Weiss, is there anything you can do to help my daughters? And after, you know, you know this, someone keeps sending you the same message. You're like, okay, you need to solve that problem. You know what to do here. So go in there and just get it done. And, okay, you go in studio, you shoot it. But it's been one of our best selling things. Because women don't have a class on how to find Mr. Right. They just don't so they just go out there and they get used and abused, and if they get lucky, they get lucky.

[Host]

So we're going to get creamed in the comments because I just need to play devil's advocate for a minute because we keep talking about women being hurt and men hurting women. We've got to talk about the flip of this for a minute.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Absolutely. The Betrayed man is real. I have a video on that. So it's not like I don't do stuff on both sides. And it's real. And the women that are culturally younger than I would say, 35 have been raised in a sexual culture where they're expected to be these sexual amazing creatures who do all kinds of crazy things. And they are also kind of influenced to use their seductive skills to capture man instead of their intellect, their spirit, their soul, their goals, their future, their political alignments. And in trying to find someone who they just. They just need to be cute. And they spend all this money getting plastic surgery when they're like, they're only 20 years old. I mean, come on, you're great. You don't need to be improved. Right. And so it's a sad time, but we are living in a situation where men are getting betrayed at record numbers. That's actually one of the. The highest number of calls that have increased in our practice is men being betrayed. That's why I put together the Betrayed man, because men won't always seek counseling for it. So we put it, of course, because.

[Co-Host]

They should be better.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Right.

[Co-Host]

They don't need help.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Right, Right. And they don't want to. They're not going to talk another guy and say, yeah, my wife cheated on me. They're not going to do that. But they will watch a video and do the anger work and the grief work and understand what they need to do. But they. They'll take it more that way. And if they want more help, they'll call for counseling, but they won't necessarily come in. They'll usually just divorce her and move on.

[Co-Host]

Amazing.

[Host]

So are men more likely to file for divorce if this happens?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Absolutely.

[Host]

Interesting.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Absolutely. Because it's an ego. I don't know that I want to put a label on the. Why? All I can say is that our genders are made differently, and women have a capacity to embrace that kind of relational pain that many men find it hard to find that capacity. They're like, okay, fine, that's what you want to do.

[Host]

You know, do you think it's more ego or is it.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

It's just an easy way to Solve a problem. You know, it doesn't. It may not. It's. They still have to deal with their hurt and their trauma because they've been traumatized, but they're just. They're just different. Way they. Way they see it, they might give them one more chance. But the men are pretty much black and white on that thing where women are kind of like, okay, you know, all right, you know, because women are thinking, what about the kids, family, about the future, about the grandkids, about the. Where they're going to live?

[Co-Host]

Well, their brain got remodeled when they had babies, and all of a sudden, everything is about the unit.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Oh.

[Co-Host]

And they put up with lots of stuff, but then when they go through menopause, they're like, I'm done with you.

[Host]

Rewires again.

[Co-Host]

Rewires again.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

All right. That sounds like a great book.

[Co-Host]

We are with Dr. Doug Weiss. You've been listening to change your brain every day. His new book, forgiveness for everyone. A path for letting go and moving forward. I love that. Forgiveness helps your brain for sure.

[Dr. Daniel Amen]

This is out when now.

[Co-Host]

They can get out now. Go to Amazon or they go to our website. Drdougweiss.com Dr. Dougweisse.com Doug, thank you so much.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

It was so much fun.

[Co-Host]

Thank you coming and being with us. We're grateful for you.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Well, thank you.

[Host]

So interesting.

[Dr. Daniel Amen]

You're in war for the health of your brain. Everywhere you go, someone's trying to shove bad food down your throat that will kill you early or give you an addictive gadget, put terrible news in your head, making you anxious. Hi, I'm Dr. Daniel Amen, founder of Amen Clinics and Amen University. My wife Tana and I created the Brain warriors way course. It's 26 hours of content where we walk you through, specifically in detail, how to have a better brain and a better life. From the food you eat to the thoughts you think to the strategies that you can engage in every day. If you want to survive and thrive, you have to become a brain warrior.

[Co-Host]

You can subscribe to the podcast. Leave us a comment. There'll probably be many on this or a review. Share it with your friends. And remember, you can change your brain every day.

[Dr. Daniel Amen]

Sa.