Podcast Summary: "Intimacy Anorexia: Are You Starving Your Relationship?"

Introduction to Intimacy Anorexia

In the June 23, 2025 episode of Change Your Brain Every Day, hosts Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen engage in a profound conversation with guest Dr. Doug Weiss, a licensed psychologist and Executive Director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center. The discussion centers around the concept of Intimacy Anorexia, a term coined by Dr. Weiss to describe the active withholding of emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy in relationships.

Understanding Intimacy Anorexia

Dr. Weiss elucidates that Intimacy Anorexia is not merely a lack of sexual activity but a deeper emotional disconnect. He explains, “Intimacy anorexia is the active withholding of spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy from your spouse” (04:07). This leads to feelings of isolation within a marriage, where one partner feels neglected and alone despite the appearance of a stable relationship.

Causes and Development

Several factors contribute to the development of Intimacy Anorexia:

1. Sexual Addiction: Individuals may engage in sexual activities disconnected from their partner's emotional needs. Dr. Weiss notes, “they're still being sexual with it more than they are the soul of their spouse” (06:26), highlighting how addiction hijacks genuine connection.

2. Sexual Abuse: Those who have experienced sexual abuse may associate intimacy with pain, leading them to withdraw emotionally and physically from their partners.

3. Role Model Neglect: Growing up with emotionally distant or abusive parents can prevent individuals from developing healthy intimacy skills. Dr. Weiss states, “when we're not skilled because of our family of origin, we can duplicate the same patterns of a lack of intimacy” (07:00).

Symptoms and Impacts

Dr. Weiss shares insights from his research, revealing that women experiencing Intimacy Anorexia exhibit symptoms comparable to those who have been cheated on or are married to sex addicts. He emphasizes, “a woman who's being neglected is experiencing the same PTSD as a woman who is being cheated on” (12:29). Common symptoms include:

• Emotional Pain and Depression: Feelings of hopelessness and depression due to prolonged neglect.
• Physical Health Issues: Weight gain and other stress-related health problems.
• Social Withdrawal: Increased vulnerability as emotional needs go unmet, making individuals susceptible to seeking validation elsewhere.

Identification and Diagnosis

Identifying Intimacy Anorexia involves recognizing patterns of withholding and emotional distance. Dr. Weiss recommends counseling and educational resources such as his books Intimacy and Married Alone. He advises couples to engage in joint activities like watching informative videos together to foster understanding and initiate change. “If you give them the skills, they may start liking intimacy,” he explains (17:34).

Solutions and Recommendations

Addressing Intimacy Anorexia requires proactive steps:

• Education and Awareness: Understanding the problem through resources and counseling.
• Skill Development: Learning how to reconnect emotionally and physically with one’s partner.
• Mutual Effort: Both partners must be willing to engage in the healing process. Dr. Weiss mentions, “if they get up from that video and they're angry, mad at you, you're not in a situation that's probably going to change” (17:19).

Gender Differences and Broader Implications

The conversation also delves into how Intimacy Anorexia affects different genders uniquely. While women often bear the emotional brunt and seek deeper connections, men may respond by divorcing or disengaging without seeking counseling. Dr. Weiss highlights, “the Betrayed man is real” (25:16), acknowledging that men also suffer but may handle their pain differently, often opting for separation rather than seeking therapy.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

The episode underscores the critical importance of emotional intimacy in maintaining healthy relationships. Dr. Weiss emphasizes that neglecting intimacy can lead to severe emotional trauma comparable to other forms of betrayal. He encourages those affected to seek professional help and utilize available resources to rebuild their connections.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Doug Weiss (04:07): “Intimacy anorexia is the active withholding of spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy from your spouse.”
• Dr. Doug Weiss (12:29): “A woman who's being neglected is experiencing the same PTSD as a woman who is being cheated on.”
• Dr. Doug Weiss (17:19): “If they get up from that video and they're angry, mad at you, you're not in a situation that's probably going to change.”
• Dr. Doug Weiss (25:16): “The Betrayed man is real.”

This episode offers valuable insights into the often-overlooked issue of Intimacy Anorexia, providing both understanding and actionable steps for those seeking to restore intimacy in their relationships.