Change Your Brain Every Day

Hosts: Dr. Daniel Amen, Tana Amen
Guest: Odette Annable
Episode Title: Odette Annable: On Perfectionism & the Pressure to Hold It All Together
Release Date: October 6, 2025

Overview

In this episode, Dr. Daniel and Tana Amen sit down with actress Odette Annable for a vulnerable, insightful discussion on perfectionism, living with (and questioning) ADHD, communication in marriage, the toll of chronic stress, and the process—and pressure—of holding it all together as a parent and partner. The conversation explores Odette’s lifelong struggles with attention, the pressure to be perfect from a young age (in pageants, acting, and family life), difficult emotions, and practical strategies for achieving better brain health and more meaningful connection.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Language of Relationships & Communication

Timestamps: 00:00–02:48, 08:11–14:12

• Communication as a Couple: Odette and her husband Dave struggle with “not speaking the same language,” leading to conflict and missed connection. Odette identifies a need—"If we can be patient with each other and learn how to speak each other’s language, I don’t think you could touch us." (08:28)
• Role of Directness and Vulnerability: Odette shares that her “masculine energy” and directness sometimes mask her sensitivity: “I present myself as this... I have a lot of masculine energy...I have this guard up when I’m not spoken to like a baby chick. But I am the baby chick. Shouldn’t he know that?” (09:49)
• Learning to Ask for What You Need: Dr. Amen and Odette discuss how you must teach your partner what works (“You have to teach him...and you have to teach her what works and what doesn’t.” – Dr. Amen, 10:18).
• Responsibility in Relationships: Dr. Amen stresses filtering words/actions through the goal of connection: “I always have this goal…for a kind, passionate relationship, 100% of the time. But rude thoughts show up… if I’m critical, I am not going to get what I want if I’m critical.” (08:44–09:44)
• Ownership Over Behavior: You can only control your own actions, not your partner’s (12:05–13:24).

2. Navigating ADHD, Energy, and Self-Doubt

Timestamps: 03:46–07:06, 06:59–07:12

• Odette’s Struggles with Focus: Odette describes lifelong attention issues: “I would read books and my brain would just start going...I finish the book and then I’d say, well, hell, I don’t even know what I read...I feel like I’m a squirrel.” (05:32–06:59)
• Discovery of ADHD: Only realized she might have ADD/ADHD five or six years ago (05:32).
• Impact on Self-Worth: Chronic frustration and a cap on potential, despite feeling she has more to give.
• Cyclical Mood Issues: Especially before her menstrual cycle, irritability and emotional reactivity spike: “Rage the week before...road rage...I’m just like, why am I so angry?” (07:12)
• Approach to Medication: Odette is cautious about dependence on Adderall; Dr. Amen advocates for experimenting to find the best support (30:09–33:14).

3. The Heavy Legacy of Perfectionism

Timestamps: 22:47–24:53

• Childhood Pageantry: Odette started beauty pageants at age four, planting the seeds for perfectionism: “Perfect, perfectionism, had to be perfect, you know, that whole thing.” (23:04)
• Negative Impact of Winning Culture: Dr. Amen draws a distinction between “being your best” and competing to “be the best”; the latter is “the prescription for misery.” (23:29)
• Memorable Quote: “When you have to be better than other people, it separates you from them. Now, when you have to be your best, well, then you can help other people be their best too. And then that’s inclusive.” – Dr. Amen (23:29–24:47)

4. Breaking Cognitive Patterns & Building Flexibility

Timestamps: 25:26–27:41

• Rigidity and Stress: Odette’s low flexibility score and need for things to go a certain way trigger distress. Dr. Amen introduces “The Rule of 12”:
  • “Twelve things are going to go wrong. Let’s promise ourselves we’re not going to get upset until the 13th thing.” (26:00)
• Toxic Negativity: Odette’s negativity bias comes up (scoring 33), and Dr. Amen recommends routines for gratitude and positive focus:
  • “When you wake up, I want you to go, today’s going to be a great day…When you go to bed, go ‘what went well today?’ and only look for what you loved.” (27:21–28:55)

5. Lifestyle Stress, Health Habits, and the Hollywood Factor

Timestamps: 16:16–21:25

• Pain and Emotional Health: Chronic pain is linked to stress and negative patterns in the brain. (16:23–17:06)
• Alcohol and Mental Health:
  • Odette reflects on her decreasing alcohol use after negative experiences: “It doesn’t make me feel good. It feels like the worst poison ever…It’s a two to three day deal...I’m depressed, I’m anxious. It’s not it for me.” (18:53)
  • Dr. Amen questions why alcohol is omnipresent on television, highlighting the normalization of unhealthy behaviors (19:34–20:14).
• Cultural Pressures: Drinking is normalized both in the acting world and socially—Odette notes, “Props, it’s almost immediate. They have to ask you...What do you want to drink in the scene?” (19:58)
• Cognitive Dissonance: Dr. Amen encourages seeing alcohol/marijuana as poison for a healthier relationship with substance use: “No, I like myself more than that.” (21:06)

6. Optimizing Brain Health—Personalized Recommendations

Timestamps: 27:41–33:47

• Brain Scan and Results: Odette’s scan shows a healthy-looking brain but with some anxiety and ADD/ADHD features, possibly affected by past head trauma (29:10–29:47).
• Supplement and Medication Insights:
  • Dr. Amen suggests trying Focus and Energy, Peak Energy, Brin T Max, PMS Relief, Everyday Stress Relief, and experimenting with Concerta vs. Adderall.
• Consistency Challenges: Odette’s struggle isn't knowing what works, it’s sticking to habits: “Every year for New Year’s, I write one word down…and it was ‘consistency’ and I just fucking can’t do it. It’s crazy.” (32:40)
• Self-Compassion: Dr. Amen reiterates: “Every day, you win or you learn...The only thing I can control is my behavior. Does my behavior fit the goals I have for my life?” (33:47)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On perfectionism:
  • “When you have to be better than other people, it separates you from them... That’s the prescription for misery.” – Dr. Daniel Amen (23:29)
• On personal agency:
  • “How much control do you have over him? None. How much control do you have over you? Everything.” – Dr. Daniel Amen & Odette Annable (11:49–11:57)
• On ADHD symptoms:
  • “I feel like I’m a squirrel… I bounce around. If you could see the zigzags that I do all day long… At the end I’m so frustrated because I feel like I could be doing so much more, but there’s a cap to what I’m able to do, and it’s so frustrating.” – Odette Annable (06:06)
• On alcohol and the media:
  • “Why is there always alcohol? … Our children just think that’s normal.” – Dr. Daniel Amen (19:37–20:14)
• On setting the tone each day:
  • “When you wake up, I want you to go, today’s gonna be a great day… And when you go to bed at night…only looking for what you loved.” – Dr. Daniel Amen (27:21–27:41)
• On self-blame and growth:
  • “Every day, you win or you learn.” – Dr. Daniel Amen (24:47, 33:47)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Communication challenges & intro: 00:00–02:48
• ADHD symptoms and self-doubt: 05:32–07:12
• Emotional reactivity and self-critique: 07:29–09:49
• Responsibility and behavioral control: 11:49–13:24
• Perfectionism background: 22:47–24:47
• The Rule of 12 (flexibility coping skill): 25:26–26:07
• Daily positivity routine: 27:21–28:55
• Alcohol and Hollywood norms: 18:49–20:14
• Personalized supplement/medication strategies: 29:47–33:29

Takeaways

• Perfectionism and early life pressures can deeply impact adult brain health and self-esteem.
• Communication and vulnerability are critical to connection in relationships, especially for those with different processing and emotional styles.
• Brain health is a daily practice: Responsibility, gratitude, flexibility, and experimentation are key components.
• Culture normalizes unhealthy coping mechanisms—challenging personal cognitive biases is essential for self-empowerment.
• There’s always room to experiment with what works best for you—medication, supplements, and lifestyle changes.

End of Summary
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