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Avery Woods (7:25)

I think when it comes to mental health, there has to be a light bulb that goes off where you realize, I'm not okay and I need help. And growing up in my family, I feel like I was the golden child. My sister's five years older than me, and she's an incredible human and has an amazing career and is doing so well for herself. But being five years younger, I remember her in her teen years doing dumb teen shit like we all did. But watching that from an outside perspective and seeing, you know, maybe her getting in trouble with my parents or negative things happening, I would internally take those notes and I would learn, like, hey, don't do that. Don't do that. You need to learn that, you know? And I felt like I was the child my parents didn't have to worry about. And so I immediately would go to, I need to be perfect. I need to do everything right. I need to get good grades. I, you know, started working at Starbucks when I was 16, bought my own car, I paid for my own health insurance at 16. Like I was pretty much completely financially independent when I was a teenager. But those are things that my parents expected from me and what gave me work ethic. But I was really scared to mess up because I didn't want to lose. I didn't want to disappoint them because I knew that they had gone through a lot when it came to my sister and so I didn't want to be a disappointment as their golden child, if you will. And that put a lot of pressure on me and I think that need for perfection bled into my adulthood, especially when it came to my mental health. It was really, really hard for me to admit that I was not doing okay because I still had that perfection mindset that I grew up with as a child and I didn't realize that until I started Consistent Extensive therap.

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Avery Woods (10:44)

I have talked to you guys about how therapy has truly changed my life and being such a busy mom on the go, being able to do therapy in the comfort of my own home has truly changed my life for the better. It is not an exaggeration. I feel like I always had an excuse to skip therapy or reschedule because it was inconvenient for me to leave the house and go somewhere. I don't have any excuses anymore and I sit down with my therapist on BetterHelp and it is so incredible. A new year is a new opportunity to feel lighter and you don't have to become a new person to do it. Signing up for therapy with Better Help can shine a light on what's been weighing you down and illuminate possibilities for the year ahead. Better Help handles the initial therapist matching work for you. Just take a short questionnaire to share your needs and preferences. And thanks to Better Help's industry leading match fulfillment rate, they usually get your match right the first time. And if your match isn't the right fit, switching to a different therapist is easy. Let Better Help provide you an unbiased perspective on your life so you can head into the new year taking only what truly serves you. You can't step into a lighter version of yourself without leaving behind what's weighing you down. Therapy can help you clear space. Sign up and get 10 off@betterhelp.com AveryWoods that's better. H E L P.com AveryWoods and that chase for perfection bled into every aspect of my life. And first it was school and then nursing school and then, you know, when I was starting to grow on social media it became such an obsession of like I need to, I needed to be the best, the most viewed, the most comments, the most viral. I need to gain this many followers. Like I was literally obsessed with it. It consumed every ounce of my being to the point where it was so unhealthy. And I know I talked about this in my social media episode where I was giving you guys tips on growing online because with that consistency is key. But my consistency was like five TikTok videos a day. Filming, posting, editing. It was all consuming. And I know a lot of people don't believe this, but I was literally working more hours on social media than I was in a 12 and a half hour shift. And the entire point of me being able to step away from nursing to work on social media was so I can be home more with my kids and spend more time with them. And it was, it was completely contraindicating it. Like I was face deep in my phone and I have so much guilt over that. And since then I've taken such a large step back. Which affects your views, it affects your monetization, it affects your commenting, your engagement. But now that I'm mentally sane I could care less. And that is something for me. I'm really Proud of because it shows growth, it shows maturity. And when I finally took a step back from social media and looked up from my phone and realized what was in front of me, realized the life that I had worked so hard for was right here, but I wasn't enjoying any of it because I wasn't paying attention to it. And I started focusing more on the relationships that were in front of me and the people and the connections and the life that I had made in real life. I, I focused on that and cared more about that than people's online opinions and being liked by the masses and the millions of people that don't even know who I am as a person. And that growth and maturity was really life changing for me because I realized why am I trying to impress and be liked by so many people that I've never met, by literally strangers? I need to focus on the relationships that are right here in front of me and pour into those and everything else is noise and, and that was a very healthy boundary for me to create and have. And that really helped when it comes to my mental health. Now, again, being the type of person that was raised to be perfect and thrive on perfection, you know, this last year, so much has happened and so much that's like not even real relatively online, mind you. Like, this is stuff with like my family and one of my children. Like we've gone through so much this year and I just stopped caring about what people had to say or what they thought because knowing what's going on behind the scenes and knowing it's far more important than my online Persona was a huge wake up call for me. And as well as realizing I wasn't okay, was also a huge wake up call for me. And David, my sweet, amazing, supportive husband, found me a therapist that I've been going to and it has completely changed the game for me. I think therapy is God's gift to this world. One of them. And I'll tell you why. And I'll tell you why I think therapy is amazing for anybody. Whether you have such an incredibly hard and challenging life or the easiest, breeziest life in the world. I think having a third party perspective to speak to about just your day to day, it doesn't have to be about your problems or anything super personal. But I found that my mental health in the last six months was dragging down everyone around me, especially when it came to my husband because he is my comfort person and the person that I reach out to the most and confide in the most because we share our lives. Together, obviously, and spend the majority of our days together every day. And I told my therapist, I was like, it literally feels like every day I wake up and get out of bed, and there is a gray cloud above my head. And no matter what I do, where I go, how successful I am, any career accomplishment, no matter what is going on, I feel this gray cloud just following me, like I can't get rid of it. And I was getting so frustrated at this because I had a moment in the driveway with my kids where I was sitting down watching them ride their bikes and scooters around our driveway with their lineup wheels, and they're giggling and laughing and having the best time, and I'm there with my husband. And I just remember thinking, this is my dream life. This is everything I've ever wanted and more. Because I don't care how successful you are, how much money I make, any career goal I check off the bucket list. None of that is going to trump being a mom. And that's all I've ever wanted. And I was looking at my family and my dream life and hearing their giggles, and I. I just remember thinking, like, why can't I be happy? Why? Why? Why can't I enjoy this incredibly beautiful life that I have dreamed of for so long? And David found me my therapist, and that really helped get that gray cloud away from me. And I'm not saying that it's not still there. I'm not saying that I don't have hard days, but it's given me a new perspective on life and shown me the priorities that I should be focusing on.

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Avery Woods (19:29)

It's my favorite day of the week. Every Thursday, I go straight from my workout to therapy. God bless my therapist, because I probably smell like in there after my workout. But I just never thought I'd be the therapy person. And now here I am preaching about it. For me, I felt like it was a little bit hard for me to fully confide in a therapist in my house. And that's probably because David also is home working with me, and so he probably hears my appointments, and it doesn't feel as private. Not like I'm, like, talking shit about my husband and my therapist or anything. No, no, no. It's just. It's a very vulnerable place to be. Like, my therapist will say one thing, and I'll immediately start crying. Like, I don't know what it is. But, like, being in her presence just, like, activates a different side of me, and I'm really grateful for that.

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Avery Woods (20:22)

And another thing, I'm really excited for. In addition to switching from online therapy to in person therapy is she set me up with a psychiatrist, and I was prescribed a rescue anxiety medication. But it was more so for, like, the rare panic attacks and traveling and because I get really anxious on flights. But I quickly learned that as my mental health was declining, my panic attacks were getting worse and worse and few and far in between. And I was like, I'm not gonna just, like, pop these, like, Smarties. I need something that's more consistent. And so she got me in touch with a psychiatrist. And something I think is really cool is he actually takes your blood and he looks at your blood panel first to see if anything's out of balance to fix that first before medicating. And so I have my appointment coming up, and that's something I definitely want to update you guys on and share, because she was like, you definitely need to be on something more consistent when it comes to depression and anxiety. Um, and so, see, that's the other thing too. It's. It's so crazy because even just a couple of years ago, I'd be like, oh, I would never take medication. I know I can do. I can work out. That's my therapy. Which, mind you, there are things that can help your mental health, aside from medication, that have really changed the game for me that I want to talk about. But I was so anti therapy, anti medication, because I had that perfection mindset growing up again. Like, I didn't want to admit anything was wrong. I had a really hard time with that. And as I've gotten older and live so much more life, I'm like, the best thing you can do for yourself and for all the other people around you is just to be honest, like, come into. Like, take a look into your own soul and your own mind and realize that no one is perfect. And if people think that they are, that's a flaw.

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Avery Woods (24:18)

No one is born perfect. No one's a perfect human being. And that's also something I have to remember when it comes to social media, because people like to judge based off past mistakes and cancellations, if you will. And I will say as human beings, we up, we make mistakes, we learn and we grow and we move on. That's what it is to be a human being. Because again, no one's perfect. It's just not normal to make those human mistakes and learn and grow and be a better person in front of millions and millions of people. If everyone was held accountable by millions of people for every mistake that they've made in their life, we would all be canceled. And when comparing people online as well, just because they're not posting about their mistakes doesn't mean they're not making them. And that's okay. No one is perfect and everyone's learning and growing, but as human beings, what a privilege that is to be able to learn from those mistakes, grow, move on and be a better person for the people in your lives and people around you. Another thing that I've really come to terms with that I feel like has helped me personally in my journey is you can't control anyone's opinions around you or their perception of you, what's going on in their mind and their opinion is out of your control. The only thing you can control is who you are and how you feel. And this last year I came to the terms of whatever anyone's opinion of is me, both online and in person is out of my control. The only thing I can do is try to be the best person I can be, try to be the most supportive Friend and spouse and mom and person to anyone around me, learn from my mistakes, apologize, grow, and not make that mistake again. And something that I like to talk about with Mama Deb, who's like, basically, my adopted mom, is, we always say, you walk away with clean hands. And that's what I have the ability to control. And at the end of the day, all I want to be is a good person. Even if someone fucks me over, I just want to know that I did the right thing. And even if I know that someone wouldn't do that for me, knowing that I am trying to put my life on hold or maybe put it on the back burner so I can help someone or guide them or be supportive, I don't ever expect anything in return. And that's something that I've had the ability to control and. And come to terms with, knowing that I'm a good person and I try to do the right thing. And I feel like last year, for months, I was so negative to myself and telling myself I was a terrible human being and a bad person, a bad mom and a bad friend. And then I had to take a step back with my therapist, and she was like, well, hold on. Look at this situation in a hole. Like, look at what you've done or what you've communicated and the way you were treated. That's out of your control. What they're doing is out of your control. And that was really hard for me because I am a control freak. And again, raised in perfection. The only thing I can do is control what I'm doing and what's going on in my brain, and I have to protect myself. And that realization has opened my eyes to so many different things. And I saw Kate Winslet talk about this on a podcast, who is the actress in Titanic. Obviously, she's amazing. And she was like, you can't give a shit. Which she did not say this verbatim. She probably said it much classier than this, but she was basically like, you can't give a shit what anyone has to say about you. You can't give a fuck about their opinions. All you can do is control you, your actions and your mindset and what you think of yourself. And I loved that. I live every day so I can go to bed at night knowing I did the best that I could and was the best version of myself. Not just for me, but. But to support those around me so that when I lay my. My head down on my pillow at night, I can sleep good, knowing that I did the best that I could, and that for those that needed me, I was there to help them. And I was the best spouse I could be and the best mom that I could be. And trust me, like I said, perfection isn't possible. So not every day is perfect. And there are days where I go to bed and I'm like, oh, I wish I did this. I wish I said this, or I wish I was more patient with the kids when it came to this. But again, as humans, that's. That's a natural thing to realize that and learn and grow. And, you know, I see a lot of quotes on motherhood of, you know, if you're going to bed at night questioning if you were a good mom that day, that already makes you a good mom. It already makes you a good parent. Questioning if you were the best version of yourself that day. And that's with any situation, right? If you're questioning your decision or the way you treated someone or how you communicated, that already shows you're striving to be better, which is far more than what most human beings are doing every day. It seems people, from what I've seen, especially with younger people, I say younger people, like, in their 20s. I'm only 30. Everyone thinks I'm, like, 50. But listen, I'm getting Botox soon, okay? Leave me alone. It seems that people don't want to communicate. And I saw Kiki Palmer talk about this on a podcast, and she was like, I don't understand this. Young people. And just, like, cutting people off or blocking people, I don't get it. She's like, would you do that with a family member? If a family member made a mistake and did something or said something that you didn't like, would you just block them? Would you just never speak to them again? No. That is what being human is. How. How do you move forward and be better for not just yourself, but for each other? When it comes to being a parent, whether it comes to your spouse, a relationship, a friendship, it doesn't matter. You have to be accepting of people being human beings and living life for the first time and being able to communicate and move on from that. And I loved when Kiki was talking about this, because she was like, that is what being a human being is. And when people aren't able to do that and learn and grow, I believe it does show a lack of maturity. And trust me, I've had that before in the past where people have done me wrong, and I'm like, you block. Never talking to you again. But my mind has really shifted and I feel like that is a reflection of my mental health and where I was. Not. Being in a good state of mental health really affects everything and everyone around you, and I wasn't the best version of myself. Those were learning lessons for me that I've been able to grow from and move on. And I'm grateful for those experiences because I truly feel like I came out a better person.

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Avery Woods (33:11)

I see a lot of questions from you guys that you submitted, so we're going to go through them. Advice on Getting out of a Mental Rut so I know I talked about how, you know, if you're not ready to take the step for therapy or be on medication. There are so many things that I've learned to do to help my mental state outside of those options and I'll share kind of what I do that helps me. And then if those things aren't for you, then we can kind of talk about other things. But for me, working out consistently has changed the game for me. Even if you don't have a gym or can't go to Pilates, just getting outside and going for a walk out in nature can help immensely. I will say, like over the kids winter break we had so much rain and the kids weren't in school so so we were all cooped up for a while and I was going a little bit bananas. I'm not going to lie to you, I was having a really hard time with it. And I also consistently was not working out because my routine Monday through Friday is I dropped the kids off at school and then I immediately go work out. And so not being in that routine, I was like, what's going on? I'm not well. And once I got back into routine I was like, oh, I'm okay. I'm thriving again. So routine is also key. Get yourself In a good routine that you genuinely enjoy and look forward to. If you don't look forward to it, why are you doing it? That's the point of life, right? Enjoy yourself, work hard, but also do things that you find fulfillment and joy in. Surrounding yourself with people that care about you and love you and are there to listen when you're having a hard time and know how to fill your cup up. I know the people I can call to vent or talk to or want to go grab a drink with because I know they're going to fill up my cup. And there's nothing better than having that support around you. How do you stop yourself from overthinking? Oh, my God, I'm such an overthinker. And again, just having someone to talk to in therapy every week helps me get out my random thoughts and chaos and noise in my brain because I can just kind of word vomit. And then I feel like I have a clear conscience. I know this sounds crazy, but talking to yourself, like, if you're not in therapy or don't have a therapy appointment for a while, even in the shower, I'll, like, go through thoughts and think out loud. Journaling also has helped me immensely. Being able to write my thoughts. I started journaling every single morning. I talk about what I'm looking forward to, what I'm grateful for, hard things that I've gone through this week, random thoughts, just anything. Just being able to write it out helps so much. And if you're not into writing or journaling like that, even my notes app, I'll just, like, jot down random things that come to mind. And that has really, really helped me. How to stop worrying about what others think of me. Honey, if you were everyone's cup of tea, you'd be a mug. You got to stop, Karen. Like, you cannot care about what other people's opinions are about yourself. And like I was talking about before, the only thing you can control is who you are, the actions that you take, what's going on in your mind. Everything else is noise. And you don't even know. Like, you don't know. If you meet someone and you're like, oh, I really like them. They really like me. You don't know what their opinions are about you internally or what they're saying to other people. All you can do is control you. And learning that and realizing that will be a game changer for you. What is your favorite hobby that helps with mental health? I mean, I wouldn't really call therapy a hobby, but therapy and working out and here's the difference, though, because everyone loves talking about my weight. This is the most consistent I've ever been in the last six to eight months when it comes to my health journey. Because for a decade I was like this when it comes to working out. Just up and down, inconsistent. Because I didn't find a workout that I genuinely enjoyed and looked forward to. You guys know I love Pilates, but doing Pilates five days a week with no cardio and pretty much eating like shit didn't do much for my body. It wasn't until I mixed Pilates with weight training and started intermittent fasting and cutting calories and also upping my protein. I, like, doubled my protein intake and that was the biggest change I've ever seen in my body. Thank you, my bestie, Whitney Simmons, for telling me that. She was like, bitch, you are not eating enough protein. And I was like, I'm gonna get fat. And she was like, no, you're not. Cheeto's looking at me. Sorry, Cheeto. He was taking a nap on the rug and he's really mad that I'm yelling. But finding a consistent workout that you like, you don't need to go to the gym, you don't need to go to an expensive workout class. Just even if you got a weighted vest and went for a walk, that is amazing. And that's something that sometimes I don't want to go to Pilates and I don't want to weight train, and sometimes I'll just go for a walk around the park with some music on. Amazing for my mental health. And I'm getting some steps in. So, yeah, I would definitely say working out is my favorite hobby when it comes to giving my mental health a little bit of a break. And again, when it's a workout that you actually look forward to, it gets you excited, it gets you motivated to be up and going. And trust me, it's not fun waking up at 6am every day and immediately rushing to get my kids to school, packing their lunch drop off, but then going straight to my workout. I have something to look forward to, and that's an hour of time for myself, and I'm so grateful to have that break. All right, you guys, I hope you enjoyed this quick little mental health update slash podcast episode. I again am filming a YouTube video for my personal channel where I've been documenting the last six months of my mental health journey from when I was severely depressed to. I haven't finished it yet because I'm waiting to get updates on my medication situation, but I just want it to be very vulnerable and raw and real. And when I watch the footage back from when it started, it's actually insane to physically see the difference in my body. So pale, sunken in cheekbones like I just wasn't well. And it's funny how that correlates too to social media because all of the comments made about my physical appearance, people not realizing that was a huge reflection of what was going on in my mind.

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Avery Woods (39:56)

But it is hard to be vulnerable and talk about your mental health state when you are a social media influencer because they're like how hard could your life be? And trust me, I get it. But not everything is shared online.

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Avery Woods (40:10)

Sending everyone so much love life is hard and we all face challenges and don't let anyone devalidate that for you. I hope this helped. Cheers. I will see you guys next week.

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Avery Woods (40:56)

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