Loading summary
Transcript2 lines
- [00:01]
A
The wrongs we must right, the fights we must win, the future we must secure together for our nation. This is what's in front of us. This determines what's next for all of us. We are Marines. We were made for this.
- [00:21]
B
Hi, welcome to Cheers. I'm your host, Avery Woods. Hi, guys. Welcome back to the Cheers podcast. I'm your host, Avery woods, and today we're doing a fun big sister advice episode. I love doing these because I had an older sister that was five years older than me, but she went to the Navy when I was about 15, I think. Yeah, 15 years old. And I just remember being alone in a lot of big things in my life where I didn't have her to confide in or get advice from. And I just wish everyone had that. And I feel like I've learned a lot as I've come into my adult years, but when I was younger, I didn't have someone I could confide in. And I just feel really honored that a lot of you guys will come to me for advice, whether it's in DMS or my comments. And we had a lot of people asking some advice on the last episode. So I just opened a question box on my Instagram stories to see what you guys need advice for. So let's do a little girly chat, shall we? Okay. I would say the majority of questions are asking about confidence and body positivity, which is one of my favorite things to talk about, as you know. And I think there's a lot of mixed opinions online right now, especially TikTok, about a lot of people who have created a body positive platform that have lost a lot of weight or been on Ozempic, which I don't think it matters if people are making changes in their life or using things like OIC or surgeries in order to better their confidence and also their overall health and well being. I have a lot of friends that have chosen to do that. And just because they look different doesn't mean they have different values or are unable to talk about body positivity and confidence. And I guess the most frustrating part is sometimes when people speak about body positivity, they get a lot of shame because they don't look a certain way or don't look how an audience would want to view someone talking about body positivity. I think it's just the classic don't judge a book by its cover. Because there's a lot of people in this industry that have a large public platform that deal with self confidence issues. Because everything that we do is picked apart and judged. And also I've even noticed certain things that start to bother me about myself because I do all my own editing on social media. So I'm just constantly watching myself and editing and there's certain things I do or certain ways I talk or my mannerisms and all kind of nitpick myself. And then I need to stop because it's just not healthy. And I think just because someone chooses to make a change and lose weight, because these were videos popping up on my for you page just the other day, talking negatively about certain creators that have lost weight or made a lifestyle change. And people are basically telling them, you can't be talking about body positivity and confidence anymore because you've lost a lot of weight. Which I don't think is true, because what might bother me about myself isn't necessarily going to bother someone else about themselves. For example, when I finished breastfeeding and my boobs were really saggy and had no volume, that was something that made me really insecure. The last episode I talked about how I want to get my nose done because my nose has been something that's bothered me since I was 15. The loose skin on my stomach, my C section shelf. There's just things that I'm not saying I'm overweight or that I, you know, need to be on Ozempic or anything, but I think when people look at you and your life and your platform, they'll look at me and say, oh, she's not overweight, she's pretty. She has money. What problems could she have? The. You don't know what's going on behind the scenes. So I feel like when it comes to body positivity and confidence, you have to just love yourself internally and you cannot compare yourself to anybody. That's the number one thing that I've learned is that I can go get a ton of work done and show a picture of a celebrity to a plastic surgeon and say, I want to do this or get on OIC and drop £20. I it will. It's always a chase, right? There's always going to be something else that you're going to go after when you're comparing yourself to others. You have to internally love yourself first. And again, you guys know I'm pro plastic surgery. I'm pro whatever the you want to do to your body to feel better about yourself. Because we all know I do. And like, for me, I feel like I have found a love for the things that used to really bother me. Like, for example, My loose skin. And you know what's really sad about that is I remember when we were in Kauai and I posted that photo dump that said mom bod. Because some of the angles you could like see my loose skin, my C section scar and stuff and stuff. And the comments ripped me apart and it was so wild to me. And I went on my Instagram stories and talked about it because people were saying that I was sexualizing myself when my kids were in some of the photos. Which if you think being in a bikini is sexual, that's a you problem. I can't help how people view me and my body because if I was in a one piece, they would probably say this, like, say the same thing. But what sexualizes something is a viewer's opinion of it and what they see, not what I'm thinking. I'm not thinking perverted sexual thoughts when I'm taking a photo on the beach with my family and wearing bathing suits. That's just the attire that you wear. And I don't know if it's just because I grew up in California and surfing and was in a bikini most of my life, but I don't view being in a bathing suit sexual. I also don't view like anatomical part sexual because I'm a nurse and I don't know, I just. People always have some shit to complain about. But where I'm going with this is when I did that post, I wanted moms to see that you can rock a C section scar, you can rock loose skin. You don't need to go get a tummy tuck to feel beautiful and confident about yourself. It took me three years postpartum in order to feel better about myself. And I don't know if that was a mix between balancing out my hormones or the confidence I've gained while approaching 30 or just coming into the woman that I am, being surrounded by people that support me. But I just want to share that because even though it attracted a lot of hate for people being mad for whatever reason, even if it affected one mom in a positive way, that she knows she can look hot in a bikini on the beach with her loose skin or C section scar, then that's all I need. But I address it on my stories because people were saying that I'm not allowed to talk about having a mom bod because I've had work done, which is so interesting to me because again, if you have followed me on Instagram or were around that time, then you already heard this. But I. I talked about the fact that you're damned if you do, damned if you don't write. Because I talked about how I got lipo on my C section shelf and I shared that entire journey on my Instagram story and now it's being used against me. But if I didn't talk about that, then it would be I'm a liar and I'm not truthful and I talk. Can't talk about body confidence because I've had work done. So either way it's a lose lose for a lot of creators and people, you know, in the public eye, even people like the Kardashians, it's. They can't show any part of their body without being questioned about Ozempic or getting work done. Which have they gotten work done? Absolutely. It's very obvious. You can go back to pictures 10 years ago and they look like different people. But is that something that makes them happy and makes them feel better about themselves? Yes. Do you need to look at their content and watch them? Absolutely not. That's your choice that you're making. So I think it's just finding that inner confidence and doing what makes you happy and fulfills your heart. And I also don't think confidence comes from physical appearance. Like I said, it's internal. And I also just think confidence exudes sexiness. And when you're walking around in a room and your head is held high and your shoulders are back, people look at you like you make a statement. Same with this is going to get so tmi. But like, I'm sorry, when I'm on top of my husband naked and he's looking at me, five years ago I would have been like, don't look at me. Like, turn the lights off, that's so embarrassing. And I'm like, yeah, you look at me in the eyes. I'm right as I'm riding you, you know, because. And he looks at me and he's like, oh my God, you're so hot. Like you're so confident. I love that your people don't care about how you look. It's how you act and how you carry yourself that is what brings confidence. And you just gotta fake it till you make it. Because the more you fake it, the more you believe it yourself. Trust me on that. Is it normal to never have climax from penetration? Like sexual. Yes, it's very normal. I've talked about this all the time. The statistics are less than 30% of women can have an orgasm from only vaginal penetration. You need a vibrator, girl. I'm telling you, you Need a vibrator. And when you combine the two, your life will be changed. And if your partner is on board with that, that means they're insecure and you need to have a little conversation with them. Or you can just show them this clip. Hey, hey, men. If you're feeling insecure because your woman wants a vibrator, that's very normal. If you want to keep getting lucky, get her that vibe, okay. In my Amazon storefront. Oh, I like this one best non negotiable hygiene tips. Okay. I'm gonna do it from a woman's perspective because obviously I'm not a man, but there are certain things that I, like, train my husband to do. I think for women, you need to pee after sex. That's a big one. That's going to help avoid UTIs. Definitely wash your downstairs area. I love this one. Vaginal wash. I'm literally gonna look it up on target right now. Actually, I found it. It's called down there wash. I keep it in my shower. I use that after sex. You can even use it before, too. Sometimes David will come on to me, and I'm like, bro, I have been running around all day. Ran errands, went to Pilates, been with the kids. Like, I'm sorry. Before you go, put your face down in my south end area, I'm gonna need you to let me take a shower. Okay. And David wouldn't care if I haven't showered in three weeks because he's so obsessed with me. What it's like. However, sometimes it's about your own, like, confidence. And for me, I'm just like, I feel much better spreading my legs if I know I smell great down there. Okay. They also make wipes that I keep in my bathroom for that area. If you're, like, on the go. I also think it's great to have if you, like, work out on the go. And like, for my teenage daughters, I bought them these one, like, shower wipes. I think they're from Clinique. I can't remember. I also got them some from Amazon because my oldest is in weight training class in high school or junior high. Almost high school next year. It's actually crazy to think about, but I got her those because she's like, the showers are disgusting, mom. I don't want to use them. And I was like, use these, babe. Like, these will help you. So that's something I think is really important with vaginal care. I also think it is really important to, like, keep yourself groomed down there. I'm not saying you need to be like a baby's ass. Okay? But when it kind of gets out of control, that is not supposed to be the cleanliest thing for you. So I did have a lot of people ask about how to shave, like the vag in the most clean, proper way. And I will tell you what I did before I got laser. You guys know I have laser hair removal. So I'm like a baby's ass down there. I'm not gonna lie. But what you need to do is you need to shave with baby oil and you need to get a razor that has either like a gel strip around it. I use the Venus ones or they have ones with soap around it. Gives you a nice clean shave. I've also heard you can put baby powder over it after, like once you're all dry. That kind of helps with avoiding shave bumps and like chafing and stuff on your underwear. So that will help a ton. Don't shave against the grain because that will give you a ton of razor bumps. Shave sideways. So I always shaved side to side. That helps a ton. Obviously. Deodorant. I've been doing aluminum free, so my favorite, salt and stone. Not sponsored or anything. I love their deodorant. It's a little bit pricey. I think it's like $20 a stick. But I buy it off Amazon and it smells so good. It's not an antiperspirant, so it's not clogging my sweat glands up in my pits. And then obviously I just love a good perfume. I love oil based perfumes. They last so long. I'm wearing or orabella. Is that what it's called? It's Bella Hadid's perfume. It's so good. I wear the salted Muse one. It's blue. I'm telling you. I put this on this morning wearing a sweatset. I've been working all morning, Scott and I just did that. That suspect challenge running back and forth. It's 95 degrees out in a sweatshirt and I can still smell myself and how good it is. Because when it's oil based, it'll stay on your skin much longer and you need way less. I only did three sprays. Back of the ears is key because when you hug people, that's where they smell you. I love doing it in between my cleavage down here and then I'll do on the inner parts of my elbow. And you want to tap them together instead of rub because you're rubbing all of the perfume molecules. Molecules away. So you're basically wasting all of the perfume product. Scott's looking at me like, holy right? Isn't that crazy? I know. I also love to do like a little spritz in the air for my hair also. Oh my God, the lush leave in conditioner is so good. It's so cheap and it makes my hair smell amazing. I've been putting it in Stevie's hair cuz she'll always and moan about her hair being brushed cuz it's so knotted. I'll put that in brushes right through and it smells amazing. David loves smelling her hair after I put it in. So those are some of my favorite, like little hygiene tips. Oh, another thing. Try to avoid wearing suffocating underwear. I know people talk about going commando. I'm commando right now. The. I'm always commando. If I'm wearing underwear, it's only because A, I'm in jeans because I'm not trying to have my lips get chafed off from denim. Okay? Ow. And or B, I'm wearing something that like could come up, like a short dress or something. Nine times out of ten, I'm commando. And you know what? Your girl does not get yeast infections for that reason because underwear is suffocating for women and that's what creates a lot of yeast infections. So just little fun tips for you. The more, you know, making it through the broke phase. We're struggling so bad right now. I cry every day. Oh, I wish I could hug you first of all, because I know that feeling so well. Scott and I actually just talked about this, I think like a week ago. And I was telling him about how even as broke as we were, when that was how I felt. Like I not only cried every day, but I would go to sleep, I would dream about the financial stress and I would wake up every morning and I was like, it's real life. Like I always thought it was a dream. And then I'd wake up and remember how much we struggled. And the worst part about it was when we were working so many hours over time, multiple jobs, so financially responsible, like we were not spending any extra money. We were so strict even at the grocery store. We sh. We shopped at Smart and Final in San Diego. And I, that's, I mean, I told you guys, like, that's how I learned to cook was I looked on Pinterest at recipes and we had an EBT card. When David was waiting for his police certificate or not certificate, but he had, he has like policing whatever. I don't even know what it's called. It's through the State and I needed to transfer from Arizona to California. We were waiting for that to happen. So he couldn't work as a police officer yet, and he was getting. He couldn't even get an interview at Home Depot. Like, we were applying to everywhere. And I was newly pregnant with Ziggy, had just started my first nursing job. So we were. We would get a certain amount of money a month from the state to help us. And we didn't have health insurance, so we did not get health insurance until Ziggy was. I think I was 32 weeks pregnant because there's a picture of David getting sworn into Carl's bad police department. And I just had this huge belly. My face was all swollen. But then we were like, oh, my God, he's. He finally got a job, and we finally get health insurance, so we didn't have to use EBT anymore. But that time in our life when we had literally nothing, the smallest moments mattered the most. Like, I remember sitting on the floor in the living room, putting our dinner that I would make we loved, like, Zupa Toscana, the copycat recipe from Olive Garden, or a pasta meal, sometimes even a box of Mac and cheese. And we'd sit on the floor with my big pregnant belly, and we'd watch the Office on repeat because we. Well, the only thing we had was Netflix. And at that time, I think it was like $9 a month. And I just remember sitting and being so happy. Like, even though we were super financially stressed and we had no idea what life had in store for us, we had no light at the end of the tunnel. We really didn't. And in that moment, we were just happy, and we were still so in love. And I think the hardest part is that financial stress really tears a relationship apart. I think that's actually the number one reason for divorce right now. It's like infinite. Infidelity and financial stress are the two hardest things, which is very valid. Like, I mean, we were stressed out, and you take it out on each other, you know, like, what would you buy this for? Oh, I. You know, you start bitching at each other for because you're so stressed out, and then having a baby on the way on top of that. Oh, my God, it's horrible. So I just think what's the most important is to look at the positive side of things. Look at what's going good in your life. What are you doing for, like, to set up your future. For instance, we just were kind of in a weird waiting period where we had to wait for David Stuff to transfer to California. I needed my license to transfer from the state of Arizona to California because I took my NCLEX in Arizona. So I was working on a temporary license in California. And when that happens, big hospitals won't hire you. So I was making shit money at that time. Even though I'd pass my nclex and I was an rn, I was waiting for my credentials to transfer. And that's when I finally got hired to Rady Children's. And when that happened and David got his job, we were finally like, okay, we're, we're going to be okay. But I mean, it was a struggle for a long time. I would say the first, I mean, we met in2014. Ziggy was born in 2018. So I would say the first four to five years of our marriage were a huge struggle financially. So to be where we are now has definitely ingrained in us how to be financially responsible and make sure we're set up for the future so that that doesn't happen again. And so we can also help the people around us that struggle financially because we know how difficult it is. You know, back and forth twice within five years with my ex. Last breakup, he cheated. How do I close that door? Lots of you guys have been reaching out about going back to your exes. Let me tell you something, they're an ex for a reason. Yeah, I just think when you love someone like that, it's really hard to tell them no. And you need to know your self worth. And I think it's really hard to know your self worth without A, finding yourself on your own and B, when someone finally proves your worth. And I'm not saying you need someone else to tell you you're worthy because that's not the case at all for me. My ex boyfriend before I met David was not a good experience for me. And I'm not going to go into details, but there was a lot of substance abuse. There was just a lot of really bad things that happened. And I was with him since I was 15 years old. So I, I grew up really quick. I saw a lot of bad things really young, and I didn't know men like David existed. And I also really want to give David credit in the sense of he was not always this man. And I'm not saying that he was a bad man or treated me bad in any sort of way because that's not the case. He's always just been incredible. But I met him when he was 24. He's 36 now, so the Growth I have seen and it's so true what they say. First of all, men mature way later than women. And secondly, the first like from 24 to like 29. I'm not saying a relationship was bad because it wasn't. Obviously I wouldn't have married him and had his children, but it wasn't as consistent as it is now. And there was a huge change when David turned 30 and his maturity, the way he carried himself, being unashamed of prioritizing me and our family. Because I think when you're younger, as a man in your 20s and you're surrounded by a bunch of 20 year old men, there's a lot of people that have opinions that sway you and a lot of guys think it's immasculine to prioritize their women. And I don't know why that is. And again, I will say this over and over again. It's so sad to me how many comments I've received and I've seen so many other creators receive. Mind you, these are creators that I know personally and I know how incredible their relationship is behind the scenes. Like outside of being filmed where when we share our experiences of our husbands really doing the bare minimum, there's always comments. The overcompensation is crazy because I know you're miserable. Is our standard that low, ladies? Like, is it really? Why is our standard so low nowadays? Because dating apps have just up dating and like meeting people and being personal. I remember we were on a date once and it was pouring rain and it literally was. I was, by the way, I was vlogging our date night. So I had the c. My camera open and David go stay right here, gets his umbrella out and walks around to the other side of the car on the passenger side, opened up the door, held the umbrella for me so I could walk in and my hair and makeup and outfit wasn't ruined. That is basic behavior that a man should have towards a woman. I'm sorry but like the amount of comments I was like, the overcompensation is so crazy. Like, I know you guys are secretly miserable. I'm sorry, that's the bare minimum. Like where are your standards at? Because in no way did I show that to say like, oh my God, he goes above and beyond. He's the best. No, he just does what he should. And I've talked about Campbell too, and Jet and I love them. I think they're so sweet and I think it's the same for them. Like I think it's so sad that women's Standards are so low that when we're treated right, they think it's to compensate for really not being happy. And I think if you guys are ever reading those comments or see that and think it's fake, please know that it is possible to have your happy happily ever after. And your dream relationship can come true, because there are better people out there for you. And I think it's important just to set boundaries for yourself. And although it's hard. Listen, he might got that really good dick, okay? Your ex might got that good dick. And sometimes when you're comfortable with them, that sex is great, okay, I get it. But you need to close that door and not open it. Because if they're walking all over for all over you and you know your worth and they keep you over them, you deserve better. Block them. Find yourself. I swear, a week will go by and you're going to be like, you know what? I'm going to be okay. Surround yourself with people that you love and are going to support you because there is better out there. And when you least expect it, it will happen. How to be more confident with sex and in the bedroom, you've come to the right place. So, I mean, I kind of talked about this before, but you just got to fake it till you make it. I even have moments, too, where I'll, like, make eye contact with David, and I'm like, what are you fucking. What are you looking at? Like, he's like, you. I'm looking at you. I am a big, like, intimacy person. I'm like, listen, there's moods, okay, where I'm like, face down, ass up, okay? There are those moods where Avery woods becomes a porn star with her husband. Scott's dying. But I like connection. And I've. I mean, I've talked about this a million times where if David and I are having an off day, I do not want his penis inside of me. I don't get that thing away, all right? But I feel like when I'm connected with him, it's so much better in the bedroom. And when you're confident, your man is going to be exploding metaphorically and physically. The fact that I'm sober, I'm just high off life in a blue lagoon, okay? You can't stop me. You. I'm really blue today, aren't I? Okay, so here's what I'll say. With confidence in the bedroom, I feel like you can kind of build it up, meaning depending on what you're not confident about, whether it's the sound you make, how you look, the lights being on positions build up to it. For example, in the beginning of our relationship, I. I mean, I was also. I was very young, 18, 19 years old. Like, I didn't know how to be the freak that I am now. Okay, listen, as I approach 30, it's true what they say, okay, about being 30 as a woman, like, David can't keep up with me. But in the beginning, I feel like I just wanted all the lights off. And David was like, I can't see you. And so I remember we would put on like a lamp, the nightstand and put like a blanket over it. So it was like ambiance. And we'd light a candle. He could like barely see my figure, but in my head, it was like beaming LED lights on me is how I felt. Now the lights could be on. Even these big ass lights could be on me, and I wouldn't give a. You just have to build up to that comfortability. And I also think confidence can come from communication. So if you're talking to your partner about what they like, then, you know when you do it in the bedroom in your head, you're like, yeah, I know he likes this. I know she likes that. You know, like, that will help you because you know that they're freaking out because they're so turned on by you. And when they're turned on by you, you're turned on by yourself. And you're like, yes, this is. This is it. This is what I'm looking for. Oh, I like this. High quality clothing brands with prices that aren't super expensive and will last. So what's super expensive? That's what I want to know. First of all, I think when you are building your wardrobe, you need to build from staple items that don't need to cost a shit ton of money. For example, nothing irks me more than when you see an influencer link a plain white t shirt for $300. Why do you need that? I sometimes will even have a hard time buying a shirt from skims and it's like, $45. Can I afford it? Absolutely. But what did Jeffree Star say? You don't stay rich by spending a ton of money. You know when he was flying coach and everyone's freaking out, like, it's true. And do I like to spend money? Sure. Do people hate that I like to spend money? Absolutely. But I save a lot more money in other ways. Like when I do cooking videos, people are shocked that I buy great value. I'm like, yes, I buy all my groceries from Walmart. What the wrong with that? Like, yes, I love Trader Joe's, but I also love Walmart. Like, it's just there's things that you can compromise on and I think when it comes to basic clothes, you can compromise. For example, Whitney Simmons. Love her more than anything. We were just in LA together walking around and she had the hottest pair of jeans on I've ever seen. Literally fit her ass and her waist perfect. I said, those are giving designer. And they were from zara. Probably like 50 bucks. Yes, 50 bucks can be a lot for jeans. Okay. But I also have a Goldie jeans that are $250. So it just depends. I also think like Target has a lot of really great basics. Was it London? Yes, my nail tech, London was wearing the cutest pair of jeans a couple weeks ago and I was like, holy, I'm obsessed with those. Where are those from? She goes, walmart. They were like baggy dad jeans. I think they're like 25. You do not need to spend a lot of money when you're building a basic wardrobe now. I like to invest in things that are accessories that will last a long time and be used no matter what seasons. For example, bags and shoes and jewelry. Have I spent a lot of money on outfits for like red carpets and stuff? Yes, absolutely. But I think when it comes to basic clothes, like, you guys know, I love my sweat sets from Mayfair. I love my bodysuits from Skims. I love my baggy dad jeans from Levi's. Those are like, I think like $78. But I've had them for three years, so to me that's worth the money because it's longevity. You guys know I love free people as well, which can be on the pricier side. But some of their basic items like in their Free people movement line and their activewear can be a little more budget friendly. I also love Princess Polly, which they just opened a Princess Polly at Scottsdale Mall. I feel like we need to go. We need to go. Oh, also another favorite for both myself and David and actually my girls now. Abercrombie. I love Abercrombie. Listen, if anyone's going to come from me about the CEO, that was their previous CEO. I see people commenting about that when people are sharing Abercrombie. Get your facts right. It was their previous CEO. Okay, we're fine. But their quality of jeans is crazy for me to be able to find a pair of jeans that fits my waist and my thighs and my ass and the length because they have short, regular and long. I appreciate that so much their quality of tops. They're like baby tees are super thick and flattering love. And then I also love investing in bras from skims their fits everybody triangle bralette. I have every single color since I got my boob lift because I couldn't wear underwire for a long time. Nor do I need to because I have a boob lift. I love their bra so much. How to end a friendship that is no longer serving you. It's very one sided. I feel that so much. I've had that happen quite often and I feel like it depends on the situation and I kind of need more context because. Are you wanting to distance yourself or like cold turkey cut them off? I do feel like having a conversation is essential in the sense of I don't like to leave situations with bad taste in my mouth, like bad experiences or feelings. And I'm the type of person that would prefer to talk it out. And unfortunately I've had situations with friends that just choose to block me on everything and never speak to me again. Which I think speaks more about their character than mine. Because if you don't want to speak to me, that's totally okay. You don't want a relationship with me, that's fine too. But I would like to talk about why and kind of like end it on good terms. Now if you me over, I will block you and I will never speak to you again and get a restraining order while I'm at it. But that's if you're doing me dirty. You know. Now as far as your situation, I think when you're older you get to have control over your life and you get to choose who is benefiting your life and who is not. And sometimes you just need to cut off the toxicity and there's nothing wrong with that. And there's a lot of people in this world and sometimes two people are not meant to be in each other's lives. You just don't, you just don't vibe. You can't figure it out and you don't know why and that's fine. And even though those conversations are extremely hard to have and it can be really awkward and you don't want to hurt their feelings, it's better than just leaving like leading them on. And then you build up so much resentment and anger that you just implode and explode on them, it's just not worth it. So I think, you know, meeting up and talking about what's bothering you is the best way to handle it. And just be honest, like I don't, I don't like see this continuing moving forward and you know, even though that makes me sad and I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I just don't want it to be so bad that I resent you. And I think it's just what's best for us. Because although there's been people that have completely fucked me over, I'll still have love in my heart for them and like remember our experiences together and support them from afar. And you could want that with your friend or you could not. So I think it's just depending on how you want your future to be moving forward with them. I also think it really helps for me, I like to write things down, like write down what they're, the positivity they're bringing in your life versus how they're weighing you down. Kind of like a pros and cons list and kind of get your words together because you also don't want to sit someone down and just roast their ass and be like, so here's all the horrible up things that you've done to me and how you make me feel. No, you don't want to do that. You want it to be productive. It doesn't even be carried out or turned into like a blow up. But I do think it's important to protect your peace. And if they're no longer serving you in that relationship, then there's no need for them to be in your life anymore again. On that note, getting so many questions about how to deal with friendship breakups, which we've talked about. I think we did a whole episode about this actually, because your girl's been through it. Okay. I think friendship breakups can be even more heartbreaking than romantic relationships ending. And I think it's because you almost feel like, how do I word this? It's almost. It's different when it's not a romantic love, meaning you hear about relationships breaking up and you're like, I love them so much, but the relationship isn't working. When a friendship is ending, it almost feels just like so personal and that they're coming for you and who you are as a person and your character. And it's just really hard. It's hard because it makes you do a lot of inner reflecting. It's hard because you're embarrassed. It's hard because it affects other friendships around you and relationships around you. But what I will say is after experiencing this, I've realized it's a blessing in disguise when you're able to have that toxicity gone. Also, it can make you realize how toxic it actually was when you're on an outside perspective. I think one of the hardest things too about friendship breakups is when other people. I'm sorry, when that friendship or that person or people decide to speak to so many other people in your life about you and the experience that happened in that relationship and everyone just kind of goes along with it and believes it and sides with them. And then you're just kind of standing there alone like, hey, is no one going to ask me what happened? Are y'all just going to shit talk me? Like that's really hard. And for me I've just noticed it's not worth my time. And I think there's a lot of people I could call and say, hey, wait. If you want to hear what happened or like what I've experienced, I'm willing to tell you. But like why? If they're not willing to reach out and listen, they don't want to know because they've already made their mind up. So once you grow on your own and time has passed, cuz time really does heal all. I feel like you'll take a step back and realize there's a lot that you learned from that situation. There's a lot you learned from that relationship. It taught you what you need in a friend. That's like for me, I have so many great people around me now because I know what I'm worth and I know that I'm not unworthy of great friends because for a long time I felt like I was, I was like, what the is wrong with me? Like, why does this keep happening? Why do all these people keep fucking me over and not caring about my feelings? And when you find those people, you realize that there was no fulfillment in that friendship. And although again, like I said, you will always have love for them and remember your memories, but you're going to be in a better place. And although it sucks right now and your heart's probably broken and, and you're in a bad place, it will get better over time. And it will get better as you grow your people around you and you have that support system because that's what's going to get you through it. And you will only come out stronger in the end. And I'm sure those people will look back and realize what a great human you are and probably regret decisions that they've made if they were not being very nice to you. Oh, how to get over people pleasing girl Preach to the choir. I'm so bad about that. I feel like this year has been a great year of growth and boundaries for me because I'm such a people pleaser. But the issue is being a people pleaser in an industry like this is people love to reap the benefits. And that's what's really hard is when your life exponentially changes and all of a sudden you have all these great connections and money and you get PR and people think you're cool because you have the status. I am always a people pleaser. I never want to create conflict or arguments and I just want to stay neutral. But boundaries are also very important because if you people please your life away, people are going to step on you all day long. And I think there's a difference between being a people pleaser and just being a nice human being. Like I want to go above and beyond for everyone in my life, but not to the point where I'm dragged down myself, where I have nothing left. So I think it's just thinking in your head when you're speaking to someone or in a situation where you feel like you're people pleasing. You're almost like lying, like compensating because you don't want to be truthful and honest because you're a people pleaser. You need to do some inner like self reflecting and tell yourself, is this how I really feel if I'm honest? Is it going to be more beneficial when you people please? You might not be helping a person in the way that you could be if you were honest. And I've done a great job this year at being honest with myself, with the people around me, my family, my friends. Because sometimes you almost resent those people if you aren't, for example, if something is festering inside of you, but you're a people pleaser and you don't want to speak to that person about it. You are going to hold that in forever and resent that person for no reason. It's just because you aren't being honest with them. And it's hard, it's hard, it's challenging when adult conversations like that happen with your relationships because it's awkward. Like no one wants to have conversations like that. But you also need to put yourself first sometimes and protect yourself. So just remember that. Dealing with girls who are low key haters, but pretend to be my friend, do I be nice or not? Oh my God, I relate to that so much. It's so funny to me because even in my neighborhood, at my neighborhood gym, at my kids schools, I have so many haters. And they all suck my dick all day long, talk to me, ask me for a photo, like, look at me and smile. And I'm like, they don't know that we have mutual friends. And I know you guys are all opening your mouth about me and being nasty on other websites that are really gross. So here's my thing. I don't feel like it needs to be a situation where they're called out. I think the best thing to do in situations like that are just kill them with kindness. Because I know who my haters are. I see them almost every day. I see them in my everyday targets and like I said, gym, school, drop off, string the golf cart around my neighborhood, I see them and they see me. And I will never be anything but kind. Because if you are hating me because of things that other people have said about me that are either made up or through a rumorville, and you're judging me off of that without even getting to know me, that's such a reflection of that person. It's just sad, right? Like, you have to feel sorry for them. And what it is, it's a lack of confidence in them because they see you confident and thriving. And if they don't want to work on that themselves, that's a them problem. But you're thriving, Queen. And all they could do is maybe ask for some advice if they need it. But I feel like that's the issue with womanhood nowadays, is no one could be happy for someone. Like, I don't know why more women can't just cheer other women on. Like, I see people thriving and I'm like, yeah, Queen, get it. Even. Even when I talk about how when I was a nurse and I was so broke and, you know, we were struggling and I was building up my social media career, I saw other women doing what I wanted to do and I'm like, yeah, Queen, get it. Like, get your bag, go shopping. I want to see what you buy. I want to see you unbox your designer bag. I want to see your new house tour. I want to see what car you bought. Because I'm not only cheering them on, but I'm manifesting that for myself. And I don't know why more women can't do that. They automatically see another woman succeed and they have to make up an excuse of why they can't like them. And I just don't get it. And again, that's such a huge reflection of themselves and their insecurities. But when you don't have that mentality, you just think a different way. And I think the girl that ask this question is like me in that sense. And if there are people in your direct life doing that, you should not be associating with them anymore because they are only trying to purposely drag you down because they hate that you exude confidence and success. And that's okay to have that boundary and kind of, you know, back away slowly. But sometimes that just has to happen for. For you to grow and find people that are going to support you and also for them to realize like yeah, that was really up of me. You know, I don't blame her for distancing herself because I was not supportive and not nice ways to set boundaries with in laws. Wedding planning has been an eye opener for me. Oh well, first of all, I'm sorry, that sucks too that you're having to deal with that while wedding planning. Because it shouldn't be like that. It should be people supporting you because that's such a stressful time. I didn't even plan a wedding and I've seen how stressful it can be for people and I'm seeing that now trying to plan a vow renewal. But you know, I would say first of all, what's your partner doing to help alleviate this? Cuz it is his parents. And I think that's a huge reflection on your partner. And I'm really thankful that David has been nothing but supportive when it comes to his parents. Cuz we've obviously talked about the boundaries we've set with them. But you have to realize going forward that this is your life with their son. And although you respect them because they're your son's parents, there's going to be a time in the future where they're not around and it's just you guys and your family. You need to create a life for you. You might not have the same values as them or want to raise your kids in the same way as them, but point blank, period, it's your and your husband's life. And the way you guys want to go forward with your family is your choice. And how you want to raise your kids is your choice. If you listen to everything that they do, you're going to resent them, you're going to resent your husband, you're going to raise your kids in a way you're not happy with. So I think even though it's awkward, I think sometimes being honest is the best way. And if they don't take it maturely, that's just a reflection of them. And that would be really sad because you're going to be their daughter in law. Like, they should respect you. You are the bride. Respectfully. I mean, the groom's important, but like, it's your wedding, it's about the bride. So I would say if you haven't talked to your fiance about it, I would speak to him about it and say, hey, what your parents are doing with X, Y and Z is really upsetting for me. It really hurts my feelings. I'm having a really hard time with it because I don't want our special day ruined. And I also think if those boundaries are not respected and they're not reciprocating or like taking, you know, not advice, but if they're not listening to what you have to say and making a change, maybe there needs to be changes in the wedding where they're not as heavily involved. And that's really sad. But it's your wedding queen. Like, you got to set boundaries because it's your day forever. And the worst thing you could do is have a wedding where you didn't have these boundaries and then you resent them and your husband forever because of what happened at your wedding. You don't want negative memories associated with the biggest day of your life. That's not fair to you. So I would say just address it with your husband or your fiance so maybe you guys can figure out a conversation to have with your in laws. But you've got to make those boundaries now before you get married, because if you continue on letting them do this, they are going to walk all over you for the rest of your life and you're just going to resent them for it, which you don't want, Especially when it comes to the future and you having kids and they're involved with your kids. You don't want that. Okay, my angels, that is it for today. Today is Sunday, so we're gonna go over to a friend's house and go watch football. But we have some really exciting things coming up. We have some fun guests coming. We have some big changes for the Cheers podcast, and I can't say a word about it, but you're gonna your pants because it's pretty crazy. So I love you. Thank you for being here. We wouldn't be here without you. And I just can't believe we've gotten to a point where we're moving to the next level when it comes to Cheers. And all it was was me and Scott. So we're very proud of this and we're so grateful for each and every one of you. So we love you so much. Cheers.