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- [00:00]
Avery Woods
Hi, guys. Welcome back to the Cheers podcast. I'm your host, Avery woods, and today I thought it would be fun to do a little advice column. You guys always ask advice in my Q and A's, and I figured we would just do an entire dedicated episode. I like this question in general, but the way that it's worded just makes it superior. How do I nicely tell my fiance to stop living in his friend's? What's your biggest advice in gaining confidence in yourself? Do you follow your heart or your head? I'm having such a hard time deciding. That's a great question. Navigating your mid-20s friend group at a completely different stage of life. Working your ass off for a degree, then realizing you hate the job. Master's plus degree. So here's the thing. I am a registered nurse, but I am sitting on a podcast here right now. What do you do when it feels like life isn't on your side no matter what you do? I get this. Hi, welcome to Cheers. I'm your host, Avery Woods. Hi, guys. Welcome back to the Cheers podcast. I'm your host, Avery woods, and today I thought it would be fun to do a little advice column. You guys always ask advice in my Q and A's, and I figured we would just do an entire dedicated episode. I also might look crazy and sound a bit tired. It is very late. We were actually going to record an episode tomorrow, but I got a call today from my team that I got invited to a really fun event with Unwell on Sunday, which means I have to fly out tomorrow at 1pm because it's on the East Coast. And we were like, there's no way we'll be able to record and upload and get edited and live for you guys Monday. And. And we like to be on a schedule. We like our episodes up on Monday for you guys because it just kind of screws everything up when we have to upload late. And we don't want to do that to you guys. So we're recording super late at night. I just put the kids down, and then I had leftover dinner that I made tonight. I had a second portion of it because it was so good. This pasta I made. So I just had a little late treat. I got some packing done because I was texting some of the girls going to the event and we were talking about what they're wearing. And so I was trying on outfits for about two hours, trying to figure out what I'm wearing. Because, listen, this is my first Unwell event. Okay? I need to look the part, I was go. I'm actually going to an event with Unwell in February, which I'm so stoked about. And I have a stylist that will help me with big events like that. And so obviously we have quite a bit of time to plan for that. But this one, I got like 24 hours notice. And so I was just kind of shopping through my own closet trying to figure it out. So I have clothes covering every inch of my floor upstairs. I don't even want to see it. I'm probably gonna leave it until I come home. But, yeah, I tell David all the time. I'm like, I think. I think I really do need to hire more help in my life. I feel like I. In my mind, I'm always so poor because that's what I'm used to. And so listen, I like to spend money, okay? Everyone knows that I like nice things, but I am such a perfectionist that I feel like when it comes to tasks and things like cleaning and organizing and editing my content, I'm so OCD that I have such a hard time giving that to someone else. But I was looking around my room today and I said, I think it's time. I think it's time to hire someone to help me because I feel like I'm drowning. And you know what? Sometimes peace of mind over money. Any day I will give up some cash in order to feel a little bit more organized in my brain, in my environment. Anyways, this is why I. In my head, I said, I'm gonna do a rapid advice column because I don't know how to shut the up. And this is an example of that. So let me open my phone and look at some of the these things that you guys submitted, or else I'll be talking your ear off for the next 45 minutes about things that you don't give a shit about. All right, let's get into it.
- [04:10]
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- [04:38]
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- [05:06]
Avery Woods
I like this question in general, but the way that it's worded just makes it superior. How do I nicely tell my fiance to stop living in his friend's. So what I'm gathering from this is that your fiance is hanging out with his friends and prioritizing them over you, which is never fun. I feel like he decided to take the next step and propose to you. Obviously you said fiance, so you're engaged. That is a commitment that he made to you. And if he's not able to prioritize you as his number one priority over his friends engaged, he sure as hell won't do it when you're married and when you have kids. Because although life gets more beautiful as you hit each stage of life, each stage also becomes a bit more difficult in certain situations, right? Like you get married, you combine everything together that's. You have to adapt to that. And I'm not saying it's bad, but there are more stressors that come in life as you hit different phases. And another example is kids. You know, you. You have more added stress and roles and responsibilities where you can't prioritize each other. So I feel like this is the time where it should be quite easy for him to prioritize you and you just need to sit him down and tell him, hey, you proposed to me, we're starting a life together. You need to show me that I am your number one priority because you are mine. And that's fair. And that doesn't mean you can't see your friends. I think it's just you have to have a healthy schedule and boundary regarding that. And he should respect your opinion. Quite frankly. I'm getting tons and tons of questions from nursing students about staying motivated in nursing school, how to get through nursing school, all those things. And this could also really apply to anyone in school right now. But obviously I would say the most obvious thing to say is keep your eye on the prize, keep your eye on the goal, and that's obviously graduating. And I know every day feels so long and excruciating. I remember being in nursing school last semester and I was like 200 days till I graduate, Are you kidding me? It felt like eternity, right? And I know you guys fill me on that because every single day you have new assignments, new things to Study new tests to take clinicals, and then if you have a job on top of that, it's a lot of work. And although I think college can be difficult in general, nursing school is like a totally different beast because of the grading scale. It's not the same for everyone, but for myself a 75% was an F. So the scale started at 76% was passing and that was a C. And then AN A was a 93% higher. So if you go to 92%, a 91, a 90, that was like a mid level B. And I remember that being really hard for me too because I was such a perfectionist. And so it's hard. Like nursing school is a full time job. I remember studying round the clock. I remember. And as far as advice goes, I will say obviously staying motivated, keep your eyes on the prize, it's worth it. It's such a huge accomplishment to graduate nursing school. But in order to kind of help yourself, I feel like learning your learning preferred learning method is key. For me, it's visual. I am a visual learner through and through. I'm obsessed with color coding things. I would get every highlighter you could think of and I would color coat my textbooks, I would write on color coded flashcards and I would take those flashcards everywhere I went. They were always in my purse. Whether I was sitting in the Starbucks drive thru line, I was reading my cards, if I was at the gym, walking on the treadmill, I would always do 12, 3, 30. And I would study my flashcards. And I remember because I was a visual learner, when I would take a test and read a question that I remember studying, I would be able to like kind of close my eyes and picture the color I was reading. That's why it's so important to know how you learn best. Because I'm not an auditory learner, it wouldn't help me to study using audio, it would only help me to study using visual. So don't waste your time studying with a method that doesn't help you because you're just going to waste your time. I will say I heard this advice before and it did work for me was find a study buddy or a study group in nursing school or college in general that has a different learning method than you have, so you're kind of forced to hear it in a different way or see it in a different way. And even though obviously I'm saying focus on your preferred method, sometimes there's certain things that don't click for you unless you see or hear In a different way. So that can also help. And I had someone in nursing school I was always studying with, and we had different learning methods, and it helped a ton to have someone to, like, bounce stuff off of. So keep your eye on the prize. Take it week by week. Make a schedule, have a notebook, organize things. I love being able to check things off, like tasks, so I would write what I had that week, Whether it was tests or something to study for or an assignment or a concept board. I loved being able to cross it off because it made me feel more accomplished. I'm like, okay, I'm one step further to my end goal. I'm trying to go through questions I'm getting multiple of. And the other one that's been asked a lot is, what's your biggest advice in gaining confidence in yourself? This is something I feel like I'm asked a lot about, but I don't have a set answer other than give yourself time. I feel like everyone becomes confident in their own way on their own time, and it depends what makes them feel confident in order to get there. I would say for me personally, I was not always a very confident person. I was always very insecure of my body. I was insecure of my voice. I was just a very reserved person person because I wasn't confident outwardly. And I would say what did it for me was one finding a partner that boosts you up, that's huge. You don't want to surround yourself with people that make you feel less than or don't allow you to be your full self around them. And that was huge for me because I remember being so insecure in my body that I didn't want him to see me in certain ways or certain angles or the way I was sitting or naked or whatever the case may be. And he just made me feel so good about myself that I truly started to believe it about myself hearing it from him. And I'm not saying you need someone to make you feel that way. You just need to believe it in yourself. And I always say, too, the confidence that people see, especially in public when they're like, how are you able to do that? How can you take a photo or make a tick tock or start your, you know, across the hallway? I always tell myself I will never see the majority of these people ever again unless I'm with my close people, who I don't really care how I'm acting around them. I won't see those people again. And if they want to judge me, that's way more of a reflection on them than it is on me. And as far as the bedroom, I will say you being confident in the bedroom when you're naked and you're most vulnerable, that is going to turn your partner on so much more. And I always think that in my head when I'm like, is this awkward? Is this weird? But then I'm looking at his face, I'm like, oh, no, we're good. Like, he's. No, he's fine. So I think that. And then I also think for myself, having kids really boosted my confidence. And obviously, obviously postpartum and your body changing, there was obviously times where I felt very insecure and just not myself, but seeing what my body was capable of, being able to grow, birth, nurse, a child was really a beautiful thing. And. And I, I felt so much gratitude towards my body. And so that made me love it even more. I also think confidence just radiates happiness and livelihood. And I feel like life is too short to not be comfortable in your own skin. You get one life, you get one shot at this. Enjoy yourself, just have fun. And if you feel insecure and not confident because of the people surrounding you and saying things to you or comments or looks towards you, that makes you, you feel less than or not confident, you need better people around you because you deserve better than that. Do you follow your heart or your head? I'm having such a hard time deciding. That's a great question. So I would say I mix both. But it also depends on the situation, right. If we're talking about business, I'm definitely going to follow my head if it's regarding family or helping people that I care about, most likely my heart. But I think you need to make sure that you're making a decision that you are comfortable with, and that's not putting you in a situation where someone's taking advantage of you. And I'll give you an example. This was advice that David's grandfather had given to him a long time ago. And that was, when someone asks you for money, give it to them as a gift. And not expecting them to pay you back, don't give it to them as a loan. Because nine times out of 10, you'll probably be disappointed in the end. And that will come between the relationship that's there. And so we've had that a lot of times where we, you know, have given family members or friends money because they're in need, and we're able to do that and we're happy to do that, but we don't, you know, expect them to pay back in return. And I feel like that's kind of an example of both using our hearts and our heads, because in our head, we know it's probably not likely to get that money back, but in our hearts we know it's the right thing to do, if that makes sense. But, you know, there's also situations where I see, or I've seen, and I've also been in certain situations where, when it comes to relationships, when I see a friend that is so infatuated and in love with their man and they treat them like shit, or they constantly cheat on them and they're just forgiving them over and over and over again because they're following their heart because they love them so much, which that love is valid. That's a very valid thing. You have a history in a relationship, but in your head, you know it's probably going to happen again. And when shit starts not adding up in your head, you're like, oh, fuck, is this person cheating on me again? Or are they up to no good? You know, but because you follow your heart, you're stuck back with that person. So I think it just depends on the situation. And it's also really hard when your heart overpowers your head. You know, if you've been in love or been hurt like that, you know that exists where you are so confident in your heart because you love them so much that it overshadows your brain and you can't process and think through the situation logically. Navigating your mid-20s friend group at a completely different stage of life. So, meaning you have multiple friends in their 20s and you guys are all experiencing different stages of life. That's totally normal. I think we talked about this in a previous episode, but for a woman especially 20 to 30 is insane. Like, so much changes in that decade of time. It is hard to be a woman in your 20s. And I am so looking forward to turning 30 this year. I'm just saying I. I have never felt more myself and just ready to just be stable and established in life and kind of get out of that 20s phase. And don't get me wrong, 20s were amazing. They were beautiful. But if you think about it, in my 20s alone, I got married, I graduated nursing school, I became a stepmom to two. I had Ziggy, I had Stevie. I worked my first nursing job, went around a bit, you know, continued my career as a nurse, blew up on social media, left nursing for social media, moved to Arizona. Like, it's crazy. I think about it, and I'm like, I literally lived a lifetime just in my 20s. So it's so hard when you have a group of people around you and you're all experiencing different stages. Like, I have a single friend, I have friends that are married with kids. I have friends that are just married, friends with boyfriends, friends that are divorced. It's so hard. Especially like when you guys are trying to plan hanging out. It's probably really difficult with schedules and things don't add up. And when you're all together, you might not be able to connect on the same things. Like, I remember giving birth to Ziggy really young. Even when I started dating David at 18 and I had two step kids, like, I did not relate to my friends anymore. My friends are all 18, 19 years old. And like, what you do this weekend? I'm like, oh, I made Mac and cheese for the girls and studied for nursing school, you know, and all my friends were out partying. And that's okay. It's just different stages of life. But it was hard to navigate and I remember feeling really lonely at that time. So I think, as for everyone, no matter what stage you're in, just check in on each other, See what the vibe is. If you're in a group, like do a group text, hang out, see if you can figure out a day that works best for everyone. See what's easier for other people that are maybe struggling. My thing is just communication and it's hard to understand what someone else is going through or what their situation is if you guys don't talk about it. So I feel like just have healthy communication and kind of work with everyone's schedule and learn to adapt a bit when someone else's life is shifting. Because although that might be difficult for you because you might not be able to get as much time with a certain friend, just think about what they're going through as well, because they probably feel the same. They just aren't ready to talk about it yet.
- [20:50]
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- [21:22]
Avery Woods
Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears.
- [21:25]
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- [21:30]
Avery Woods
So a couple of days. I love it when his daughter moves back in.
- [21:33]
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The last time you walked out that.
- [21:34]
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Door, you looked back at me and.
- [21:36]
Avery Woods
Gave me a double burn.
- [21:37]
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I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations.
- [21:40]
Avery Woods
The wheels come off.
- [21:41]
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Can we try to talk to each other like rational adults?
- [21:44]
Avery Woods
If you watch the news lately, that's.
- [21:45]
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Not a thing anymore.
- [21:46]
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- [21:48]
Avery Woods
And stream on Hulu. How do you stay motivated and go to the gym and be productive? I have shared that I feel like my relationship with fitness has recently changed. Well, not recently. In the last year, I really committed to Pilates and that's solely because I finally found a workout that I actually enjoy. Listen, if I didn't like a workout, you are not going to catch me dead doing that multiple times a week. There's no way. What's the point? You know, exercise and fitness and moving your body should be an enjoyable thing. There's multiple ways to do it. There's no reason why you should be forcing yourself to exercise and be miserable doing it. Just find something that works for you. And it's 21 days, I believe, to create a habit. And so when I found Pilates, I was like, okay, I'm committing to three days a week. So I did Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and then David and I were lifting together Tuesday, Thursday. That was kind of like our little gym day together when the kids were at school. And then I kind of hurt myself a little bit by lifting too much. And so I started going to Pilates more and more, and I realized that's really what I loved. Also, specifically for my body, having two C sections, Pilates has been incredible to help me build my abdominal strength and kind of help with my C section shelf a little bit because the entire time your abs are activated. And also, I am a workaholic and I don't get off my phone. I'm constantly working or doing meetings or checking emails. And so Pilates is my one hour every day. Monday through Friday, my phone is put away. I get to focus on myself, move my body, relax a little bit, and I just feel so much better when I start my day that way. I also really look forward to the weekends. And I've never worked a standard job, right. I've never had like a Monday through Friday 9 to 5, because I started my career as a nurse, So I worked three 12 and a half hour shifts. So. And then every third weekend was my scheduled work weekend where I'd work Saturday, Sunday. So I've found joy in a routine. And that routine is getting my kids off to school, going to Pilates, getting some work done, picking them up. And then I love that on Saturday, Sunday I don't go to Pilates. I'm home all day with the kids. We just spend time together. Obviously I'll do still do some content here and there, but not as much. And I won't film ads or do meetings or emails. So that routine really helps me. And I feel like routine helps motivate you in general because you'll start to find stuff that works for you and then you'll look forward to it. Like, I love Fridays. Now I, I get why people in the corporate world, like, love Fridays because they have the weekends off, right? I love Fridays because I have my kids at school, I do my Pilates, I get the rest of the work done for the week, clean up the house, whatever the case may be, pick the kids up, and I'm like, I get the next three days or two and a half days of my babies and it's so nice. So I just feel like you have to, A, find something that works for you and B, get in a routine where you wake up every day looking forward to it and you know what the day looks like for you. Another thing too that I'll add is I do feel like it's much easier to get in routine when you work out earlier in the day because as the day goes on, you get more and more tired. No one wants to work out at 5pm okay, no one wants to do that. And you're not going to. Some people do. I don't know how. I'm just not like that. I'm so exhausted by the end of the day, you're not going to catch me dead in the gym. Okay? So, but that's. Again, that might not work for you, that might just work for me. And you might be a night owl, but find something you like. Create a routine, stick to it for 21 days in order. Create a habit. You're golden working your ass off for a degree, then realizing you hate the job. Master's plus degree. So here's the thing. I am a registered nurse, but I am sitting on a podcast here right now. So listen, you know what no one could take away from you, Queen, is your education. No one can strip you of your degrees. There is so much more in a degree than just what you studied. It's so much more than a piece of paper. It's experience, it's knowledge, it's skills that you will take with you for the rest of your life. I love the knowledge I have from my nursing school degree and from my career that I worked in nursing. I love that I have that. I love that it shaped me into the person that I am today. I love that I'm able to help give people medical advice if they need it, or when my best friends will send me a picture of their kids rash and they're like, what the fuck is this? I'm able to tell them and help them, you know. So I actually was talking on my Instagram stories the other day about how I paid off my student loans, and I was so grateful to that. Which, by the way, after we walk through this question, I want to speak on that. Because our government's corrupt, okay? My mind was blown. But don't look at it as a waste. There's nothing wrong with studying something, getting a degree. And you work in the degree and you realize you don't like it because how do you know, right? You don't know until you try it. And although there's, you know, volunteer programs and internships in college, it's not the same as when you're working at full time out of school, right? You're not going to truly know. And that's okay. That is so common for so many people. And again, there are so many jobs out there that you could try, that you enjoy. And even though you might not have a degree for that job, you still have a master's degree, which shows hard work, dedication, and education. That is all that matters. So don't feel down about it. There's so many more opportunities out there, and no one can take away your education and your degrees. As far as student loans, I actually wrote this down that I wanted to talk about it, but then I forgot until you asked this question. So thank you for asking that question. I was bitching on my Instagram stories the other day about this, so if you already saw that, then please ignore this. But when Covid happened, Biden administration put a freeze on the interest gaining on student loans, which was a slay because obviously a lot of people lost their jobs. Student loans are so fucking expensive. And how are you supposed to make a student loan payment when you're not working? Right? I was working full time as a nurse. I was not making any payments because it was frozen And I didn't want to. And I wasn't anywhere near the situation I'm at now. And I always told myself like when they start picking back up, I'm going to pay because I don't want the interest to absolutely wreck me. So that's what I did. As soon as they went back into effect, I set up automatic payments. I owed 55, 700 and something dollars for my bachelor's degree, which by the way is nothing compared to what a lot of people pay, which is sickening to me. Like I know someone that just sent her daughter to college and her freshman year of college was $94,000. So if you think about it, a four year degree is $400,000. Insane. That is a house. You know, I'm starting to think maybe other countries are looking pretty good because tiktoks might be gone. And then other countries you just pay, yes, you pay a little more taxes. Okay, I get it. But you have free education and free health care. Those are like the two most expensive things for American people. Like for us, when we left our previous career and we lost our health insurance, our out of pocket health insurance for the six of us is insane. It's absolutely insane. And it's like you have to have it just in case, especially with the kids, you know, fucking fall off their bike. And then I'm like, well shit, you know, you never know what's going to happen. But same with education because the interest rate is so insane. So anyways, I was making a payment of like $740 a month. I think $700 and something dollars a month. That was my minimum monthly payment. If I was a nurse and David was a cop and I didn't do social media, I wouldn't have even been able to pay the minimum. I would say we'd maybe be able to pinch out 300amonth, 400amonth if that, with all of our overhead and stuff. So I'm like, holy shit. Okay, so I'm paying 700amonth and David's looking at it because I went to go pay it off in full. I paid it off in full, which I was so grateful to be able to do because he looks and it says if I had paid the minimum monthly payment a month, I would be paying off student loans for the rest of my life. That is insane to me. I then think about if I was working as a nurse and not doing social media and not even being able to afford 700amonth and paying 3 to 400amonth, I would have my Kids would have to pay off my student loans. I would die with student loans. That's crazy. That's so sad to me that so many young people want to go get an education to better their lives, their family's lives, to. To break traditions in their family, you know, maybe be the first to graduate college and get a degree. And then for the rest of their lives they're working to pay off their student loans. It's really sick to me. I had a sweet mom message me when I was talking about it and she was like, I just had my first baby and I'm going back to work. While when my baby's 3 months old, instead of being a stay at home mom just to pay off my student loans, it's like, what the. So I'm. I. It is kind of nice though, that our world is shifting a bit. Where I was personally raised, like education, education, education. You have to be educated, you have to have a degree to be successful. When. I really don't think that's the case now. I think it depends on experience, work ethic, passion, creativity. The world is becoming so creative now with social media that I don't feel like you need a degree depending on what job you want to do. Obviously, if you're a neurosurgeon, please, for the love of God, go to medical school. But again, it's like, what's. What is that? $500,000 in student loans? It's crazy. How do I not panic over the littlest things? Someone gave me advice once and it was actually regarding parenting. But I think it goes really well with this question, and that's ask yourself, is it really that big of a deal? And I loved. My friend had told me that with parenting because I remember being like, you're so chill. You're such a chill mom. And certain things will make me anxious. And so I feel like when that happens, my kids, they're not punished, like they don't get in trouble, but because I don't want them doing certain things because of my anxiety, they're punished in the sense of they're not allowed to do it then, you know. So in the last, like year or so, I just asked myself, is it really that big of a deal? Usually the answer is no. So I feel like that really helps in life in general. Kind of ask yourself, is it really that big of a deal? For example, the TikTok ban. Everyone's asked me about the TikTok ban. I have to ask myself, am I going to be okay? Is my family going to be okay, are we going to have a roof over our head? Are we still going to have an income? Are we able to save money and put money in our kids college account still? If the answer is yes, it doesn't matter. It's out of your control. I always, I always think about that too. It's like, can I really do something to change this situation or is it completely out of my control? If there's nothing I can do to change someone's mind or change a situation, I cannot dwell about it because it's just adding to my stress. I'm trying to get into content creation but I feel so cringe whenever I record Help. It's like that for everyone, I promise you. Everyone is so cringe. And the only thing that's going to break that cycle is being in front of the camera more. You've just got to keep practicing until you find a groove that works for you. I look back at videos from a couple years ago and I want to throw up, up in my mouth. Honestly, seeing myself do certain things or the way I talked or change my voice. I was like, who the is that trying to be someone that she ain't embarrassing. That's normal. You can look back at any content creator's content from back when they first started and it's polar opposite. It's totally different because it is very uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable to record yourself and edit yourself. It's a weird thing. It's not natural. But you just have to keep up with it because I promise you will become way more natural with time. Full time mom with an almost nine week old baby. How do I sleep train taking care of babies? Get that program, I'm telling you. And if you can't afford it, Google it because the advice is everywhere. It's all the same for taking care of baby. She is amazing. I sleep, I, I slept trained. Is that right? I slept trained both babies with taking care of babies and it worked incredibly. Remember I was a full time nurse when Ziggy was a newborn. I was actually a full time night shift nurse. It was extremely important for me to be able to sleep train the babies or else I would probably not be alive. I don't even know how I would survive, especially with breastfeeding and stuff. So taking care of babies is incredible. She's amazing. I'm pretty positive. She's a previous NICU nurse that wrote a sleep training course and like blew up over it. So, so, so, so worth it. And I think she has YouTube videos as well with some advice. Advice for A spicy honeymoon. Oh, my God, I love that sexy lingerie. You need some crazy outfits. I need you to walk out into that room where he's laying on that bed and his eyes pop out of his head. Okay. The other thing, too is they have, like, a lot of really cute little sex board games now, or like some with dice and card games where you're kind of, like, forced to try new positions and have fun and ask each other spicy questions. I feel like that's really cute. Maybe try edible stuff. I'm pretty sure there's like, flavored lube or isn't it like a. Is it chocolate? And I'm trying to ask Scott. Scott knows more about that stuff than I do. But, you know, you could get some cute. A lot of you guys are asking how to genuinely get into content creation. Like, kind of getting the ball rolling and starting. The number one thing of advice I could say to you is just consistency. You have to be consistent. And I know it's hard in the beginning. Like, I remember I posted my first tick tock, and that was during the first surge of the pandemic in like 2019 or 2020. 2020, I can't remember. But it immediately got like a hundred thousand views when I had no followers because that's how easy TikTok was building. And then I would post like three months later. That's not gonna do anything for yourself. I should have started posting consistently, but I didn't know. And I also was working full time, so I was exhausted. So I would say just be consistent with it, because even if you don't feel like it's getting anywhere, it will one day. You have to think about me as an example. I started sharing my life on Instagram at 19 years old. I just. I signed with my management team two years ago, and I'm 29. So for eight years, I was posting for nothing. Basically, like, I wasn't making any money. Right. And obviously, like I've talked about with you guys before, I became contract with Cherokee Scrubs, and my first contract was 500amonth, which was a huge deal for me. That, like, really changed our lives at the time. And it just. It starts slowly, but it will eventually pick up. And it might have took me, taken me eight years to get where I'm at today, but it's so worth it. I'm so glad that I never gave up and didn't stop. What do you do when it feels like life isn't on your side no matter what you do? I get this. I feel like this was what was happening when I was pregnant with Ziggy and a little bit before, because I remember when I finally got into nursing school. And then just a few months later, David had to move to San Diego to take care of his grandfather full time on hospice. And I obviously was stuck in Arizona in nursing school. And so I lost my husband, my number one support, during one of the most difficult times of my life, which was nursing school. And then after his grandfather died, we went through a lot of really bad turmoil with his family. They got really money hungry, and it was just a whole complicated situation. I remember being served on Christmas Eve from a lawyer trying to get money from David's grandfather's will, and it was just such a mess. And we were grieving and so stressed because we had no money, because David obviously left his career to take care of his grandfather on hospice. And then I failed my nclex and I failed my NCLEX again. And I was like, what the. I just finished nursing school. I've been counting on this for two years to contribute to my family. So we're not broke as fast, and I can't pass the goddamn state boards. But then I eventually passed, and I got a job, and we had Ziggy, and we moved, and then, you know, more things happen with his family. And then that's the last time we talked to his parents, which was when Ziggy was 10 months old. So it was just a lot all at once. But we're here today. And, oh, also, I forgot to add, before Ziggy was born, we also went through a full custodial battle with the girls. So we were also in court for months trying to figure out the custody battle, because we were living in two different states at the time, so it was just a lot. And we also had no money to support anything. Any amount of money that we made or we had in our savings account was to pay a lawyer. I ended up selling my car. So we only had one. One vehicle at the time. And we were, like, sharing it, going to different job interviews, and me trying to take the boards and all these things. So it was just a lot. But I will say you just need a good support system around you, because I wouldn't have survived without David and my parents. And although sometimes it feels like you're just constantly getting up and hitting a wall again, and getting up again and hitting a wall again, just constantly being knocked down, there will be a time where you will get a break and in the midst of it all, still take time for yourself. And don't get to the point where you give up because it's only going to make it worse. You just have to push through because the universe eventually works out and you will dig yourself out of whatever hole you keep getting knocked into. And use me as an example because I've been there and it's so hard. But have a good support system. Keep getting up, don't give up. And ask yourself, is there anything I can do to make the situation better or get out of the situation I'm in right now? Lots of mom questions, which I love. I had a few people ask advice for first time moms. And first time mom life is so magical, but also so overwhelming. Just because there's no amount of preparation that anyone can tell you or give to you that will really make you understand what it's like to be a mother. And I don't say that in a way to scare you. I mean it in the sense of not just the hard work that comes with being a parent and raising a child. It's just the hormonal changes as well as a woman can be really hard to deal with. And obviously some people get it worse than others, but it's not really a feeling you can describe to people. And I remember feeling that with Ziggy. Obviously I had the girls, but he was my first baby that I birthed. And I remember I was. I never really struggle with mental health issues, but I remember people would tell me about baby blues or postpartum depression. I'm kind of like, oh, okay, yeah, whatever. And I remember sitting in the recliner and feeling just like I couldn't stop crying. Like every day the sun would start to set and I was so stressed out about night time with him because I was so exhausted and I knew he's gonna be all up all night breastfeeding. And I would just sob and sob. And then I remember one day I was like, holy, that's postpartum blues. Like, that's what people are talking about. So what I'll say is, aside from the difficulties that come with it, everything is outshined by the joy and the love. It is the most incredible thing when you become a mom because your heart truly does double in size. Like, you look at this baby and you're like, I could never love anything more than this. It's the greatest thing in the world. And all they want is you. They just want to be with their mom. And it's just so special. So I'll just say enjoy every single second. It goes by so fast. I know everyone says that, but what I would give to go back and cuddle my newborns one more time. It's just so magical. And even though it's hard and it's stressful, you'll never get that time back. Like I saw a video and it was talking about how difficult night feeds are and staying up all night and getting up every hour, two hours, three hours, whatever the case may be. And changing diapers and breastfeeding at God awful times, right? And pumping. That's the only time that it's just you and your baby. Like that's your quiet time at night, right? Like that's such a huge bonding moment. And I remember even when I was so tired, I just loved that. I love when it was just my little babies in me. So I would say too, just really prepare your partner to help support you. Because even though it's a teeny tiny little baby and there's two adults, you both are going to be very involved and you're both really needed, especially at night, you know, taking shifts. When Stevie was born, I remember we figured out a really great routine and that was obviously she was exclusively breastfed until I would say about six weeks. I started introducing bottles, but so I was pumping while also breastfeeding. So I was storing up milk for when I went back to work when I was working at the hospital. And I remember I would, we would put Ziggy down for bed at like 6 and and I would feed Stevie and then I would shower and go to sleep and David would hang out with Stevie on the couch downstairs. He would like watch a movie or watch golf, whatever, and then feed her a bottle like 11, put her down next to me in the bassinet and then she would wake up at like two or three to feed. So I was able to sleep from like 6, 6:30 to like 3am Just from that one bottle. So I'd only have to wake up at 3ish. Obviously every night's different depending on if the baby's gassy or teething, whatever the case may be. And I would nurse her at 3, change her diaper, re, swaddle her, put back, put her back to bed, and then she'd be up at like 6:37. And so I was technically only up with her one time that whole night. So figuring out a routine that works best for you guys, whether it's you napping during the day or at night, that is key because sleep is also a huge reflection from, of your mental health. Like if you are sleep deprived, you're going to struggle even more hormonally and emotionally. So just planning that out with your partner and making sure that you feel supported in it. My boyfriend of two years cheated on me. I'm riding an emotional roller coaster. Help me. First of all, I'm so sorry. You do not deserve that. Cheaters are disgusting. I. I do just don't understand. You know, I always think in my head, just break up with them. And I know that's awful, but I just think in my head, like, why? Why did you need to do that? Right? Why are you trying to fill a void in what could be a happy relationship? And if you're truly unhappy, why are you stepping outside your relationship instead of just going to the source and talking through why you're not happy as far as recovering from it? You need to focus on you. You need to prioritize yourself. You need to do things that you haven't been able to do for yourself in the last two years. You need to create space. Because I don't know if you're taking him back or not, but I'm sure he's probably going to try to come back to you. So you need to set boundaries, block, and start moving on. Because here's the thing, like I was talking about earlier in the episode, if you start getting sucked back into that hole where you're thinking with your heart and not your head, it's going to happen again. And it sounds like he's not ready to commit, which means you dodged a bullet. You can find so much better. I promise your heart will heal. And it might not feel like it now, but there will be someone that is going to treat you like the queen that you are and give you what you deserve, which is loyalty and respect. And obviously your ex did not show that to you, and that's not okay. You deserve more than that. So I would say take time to grieve, cry, be emotional, scream in your pillow, rip up his photos, have a bonfire of a egg his house, do whatever the fuck you need to do. You deserve to do that. But also in between that, go out with your girlfriends, go party at the club. Like, have a good time. Have wine nights indoors. Go get a pedicure, get a facial, get a massage. Like, treat yourself and learn to love yourself for who you are. Because him cheating is not a reflection of you, It's a reflection of him. Does not mean you're not good enough. Does not mean you're not hot enough. Does not mean you're bad in bed. Does not mean all these things that women think about when their significant other cheats on them. It shows way more about him than it does about you. So focus on loving yourself. You're going to move on. You're going to become even more confident of a woman out of this, which means you're going to find an even better man to take care of you in the future. All right, you guys, that wraps up our little advice column. I hope you enjoyed it. I had so much fun. I am so tired, though. I need to pack because we have our flight tomorrow and I'm so excited to hang out with my unwell fam. We're gonna try to vlog some on YouTube, so make sure you follow my personal YouTube account. It's the same as my Instagram. It's just at Avery woods with Two Eyes. Also, follow me on Instagram in case you aren't, because apparently Tick Tock is probably going blackout tomorrow, so that's really interesting. Anyways, at least we have the podcast. Thank God for you guys, because I don't know what we'd be doing. All right, love you guys so much. Cheers.