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Chief Change Officer™
#220 Sihame El Kaouakibi: How to Fail Spectacularly—Then Win Even Bigger – Part Two
00:34:54
Sihame El Kaouakibi is a force of nature. A Moroccan immigrant, former Belgian parliamentarian, and fierce diversity advocate, she’s tackled burnout, bankruptcy, and political storms—only to come out stronger. She doesn’t just survive adversity; she thrives on it, calling herself “anti-fragile.” Part One dropped yesterday, and get ready for Part Two today.
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- [00:01]
TaxAct Voiceover
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- [00:44]
Vince Chen
Hi everyone. Welcome to our show. Chief Change Officer, I'm Vince Chen, your ambitious human host. Our show is a modernist community for change, progressives in organizational and human transformation from around the world. How do I even begin to introduce our first guest from Belgium who has Moroccan roots? Her name is Siam L. Kawakibi. She is a Moroccan immigrant, a burnout and bankruptcy survivor, a parliamentarian, a champion of diversity and inclusion. She's also the creator of Women Leaders OS and a women's leadership coach. She is all these and more beyond these identities. What truly impresses me are the experiences that have shaped these transformations. Some people thrive in politics, others in stability. C Ham thrives in adversity. She describes herself as more than resilient, she is anti fragile. I see her as someone who has learned over time to turn adversity into an advantage. It's not an inborn talent, rather it's something that nurtured and developed how. Let's find out. Politics, whether in government or the office, is something that some people are really good at navigating. Some people thrive in it and even seek out more of. Sounds like you saw parliament as a stage to make a positive impact on the communities you hear about. Your intentions were noble, but the environment made things worse. Not only were you unable to create the impact you wanted, but you also faced various attacks and toxic behavior. The same goes for office environments. Many corporate workers might be incredibly smart and capable, but they struggle to climb the corporate ladder because they either don't play politics, don't play it well, or aren't willing to play it at all. I've been in a corporate world and I've seen and experienced my share of political maneuvering. I've had my own struggles with mental health due to corporate politics. That's part of why I decided to become an entrepreneur, a free agent rather than being bound or controlled by that environment. For many people, whether they are considering a job change, a career shift, or even trying to change the world. As an entrepreneur, one key takeaway from is to choose your environment and culture carefully. In certain cultures and environments, you can thrive and Excel in others, you might struggle. It doesn't mean you are not smart or that your intentions are not good enough. Often it's the environment and the culture that holds you back, preventing you from achieving what you want to achieve. That's been my experience.
- [05:21]
Siham L. Kawakibi
Beautiful. Yeah, I can relate. I can relate. The environment is everything. If you feel you're surviving instead of thriving, you need to quit. You need to leave. Because a lot of women that I guide now, some of them really start because they're really these beautiful, amazing women, high positions, and they're still sometimes like in this environment with these political games, toxic leadership, and they stay. I'm like, okay, what's the plan? And the strange thing is that they cling. They. They just holding this situation. Holding. It's. It's holding them back. They're just stuck. And sometimes it's better to accept the rejection than feeling stuck, I think. So if the environment, the toxic environment feels like a rejection, maybe it's better. Rejection can be redirection, and it's sometimes better to just leave. And I think the most liberating decision can be to move on. And like you said, you need to find your tribe, you need to find your environment so you can try. But it's confronting, right. Being rejected. Why is someone toxic? It's like, for example, for women, of course. More and more women go into leadership positions. They're needed. Okay. And feminine leadership is actually based on empathy, emotional intelligence, also inclusivity. And I know that, and I was one of them, that it's no longer true that women need to, like, mimic masculine or male leaders. No, I think we should embrace our strength leads with our authentic selves, and I think we can relate. I don't know if you experienced, but I've experienced so many times called being irritated or too emotional after just being me in stating my points in a meeting with a lot of fashion. But it does affect you as a woman, as a person, as a human, as a. You lose your genuine vulnerable self because of it. And so I think when the moment you have to choose and you have to be someone that you're not. Yeah. You lose your authenticity. And that's so important in a leading position that you actually. Not only leading, but for everyone to be able to lean into your authenticity. And that's not possible in a toxic work environment.
- [07:31]
Vince Chen
I know you have your own consulting and coaching practice. You've developed what you call the women Leaders os, which stands for operating system. Can you tell us more about how this approach works? I know it is not A digital system like iOS, the Apple system. But I'm curious to learn more about how this operating system you've decide benefits your target audience. Women Leaders.
- [08:08]
Siham L. Kawakibi
Yeah, women leaders. Top forming women. The reason I created Women Leaders OS was it was exactly what I needed at many points in my life. Like I already shared. Going from doing very well to hitting rock bottom. It just leads you to a healing journey that guides you back to your true self. And you just realize that the path I realized that the bed I was on was nothing like what I used to love. It was actually far from what I believed in. And I just cared too much about achieving things and what other thought of me. And leading you as a high performing women juggling multiple responsibilities. Well, you do feel overwhelmed and you start questioning your path. And when I was doing this, I started several programs, investing my time in studies, etc. Therapy, coaching. And I realized I was alone. Of course many women were experiencing same struggles and took me three years and a lot of financial investment to get where I am now. And my belief is that it shouldn't take others three years and it should be financially accessible. And that's why besides my real consulting like what's more, my income being an impact, consulting on SEGs, supporting founders to scale sustainably, etc. I have this mission to do something with this recent button that the curveball life threw at me and it is like my mission. I always love to say my mission is to help 1 million women turning life challenges into life changes for the better. These women want to break through in their careers, but they want to do it without the burnout. They want to have more fulfillment in life. And it's possible. The world of women is my world and I needed to heal, to see and to deal with life's challenges. And I believe that other women can do the same. I also believe that there is a lot of strength and that what these times need, what the world needs for the moment is more women. Okay. But women still lack internal beliefs and also support systems. So it starts really with women deciding that they are worthy and willing to change and the women who are ready for change. I really want to support these women through my community, through my program. So this is a 90 day coaching program, one on one, not just about career advancement, but like I said about redefining success, reframing their challenges and helping them doing it because helping them re redefining for them what it means to be at our best again. What are your coping mechanisms? How can we change them? And just aligning professional Aspirations with this personal fulfillment is so important and these are beautiful journeys. But what I love most is actually the community. It's not the program itself. One on one is a community. Building a community of all these amazing women that just are supportive for each other, that they can learn, grow, ground, give up, redefine, achieve whatever in life and career together and just knowing that there is like this community with a sense of belonging that even in this high performing world where outside world thinks everything's fine and you're perfect, you're successful, what are your challenges? These people also have lives, they have relationships, a family. We all know we all have issues, we all have. Whether it's with health, whether it's with family or whether you want to repurpose and redirect and you don't know how because you were always on this high speed train, never slowing down, never seeing your true self, actually uncovering parts of yourself as a woman in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, doesn't matter. It's all different phases of life and taking time to slow down and having people that can relate is so important. And so why I call it an operator heating system is because it's my inspiration and I'm building it actually that I can you that I can. Actually I'm. I'm digitizing all the tools I use from life rule assessments, decision matrix, the ikigai of course, career path roadmaps, all these things, blueprints, habit trackers. I'm digitizing this so it can become real tangible tools. A toolkit actually that women can use whenever they want, wherever they want and still can lean into the support of a community. So in that way can be financially accessible, low tickets. And those who still want one on one coaching just they can jump on a call with me and then we can see if there is a match. That's what I do today. But actually I love these free clarity calls. I do every day. I have three spots every day, limited for women who really need some clarity. Feeling overwhelmed and sometimes 15, 30 minutes is enough and others need more. Okay, I'm there. Some just need a community, some need one one coaching. It's not a one size fits all, but I love the journey. It's learning by doing as well. Not perfect and that's great. None is better than perfect. The learning is in the doing for me and that's what I practice and that's what I share with all these amazing women.
- [12:57]
TaxAct Voiceover
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- [13:28]
Vince Chen
Like you said, we need more women leaders and we are seeing more of them emerge around the world. My podcast is global with guests from different parts of the world and a major part of the audience is in the U.S. but Sihan, you are in Belgium, in Europe, and I'm curious about any specific challenges or interesting phenomena related to women leaders in your country or in your culture. Are there particular difficulties or unique cultural aspects in Belgium or your part of Europe that may differ from those in the US or Asia? I love to hear about your observations.
- [14:23]
Siham L. Kawakibi
And experiences because my program is online and I actually focus on the world. So most of the women actually indeed come from the us, Canada, even India, one from Singapore. Indeed it's the MENA region, Middle East, North Africa. It's actually beautiful to see how actually the cultural context, the face, the layers are universal really. When we talk about feminine energy, masculine energy, or male women, it's X, whatever, all these layers, it's really universal. And so when we talk about feminine context, when we talk about what women, a woman or women experience experience in leadership positions, it's. That's actually what I can, can really draw today from all these different women all around the world I talk with every day. And so the cultural sense activity is really not depending on like local context. It's. I think it's more cultural. It's about cultural challenges women face. But there are again universities about sexism, it's about racism, it's about societal expectations and these different layers you need to provide the other guidance and support. So I have women who say, look, the last 10 years I had coaching, but they were all male coaches, life coaches, business coaches. But they don't seem to grasp the deeper layers that women face. They just have just hit like the boundary. I cannot dig deeper with this coach. So actually I need a woman whom I can relate and I think that's logic. It's like going to therapy. If you go to couple therapy, for example, relationship relationships. I know here in Belgium, for example, we have a lot more and more intercultural couples. So couples that you know with different ethical backgrounds, etc. And it brings certain again other complexity with it. So the therapists here, most of them are native Belgian. So they are mostly white. And after two or three sessions these couples face difficulties because they cannot dig deeper. The therapist cannot relate with the world, with the cultural, with the implicit language that just, yeah, is part of their, the intercultural world. And so that's why I love the fact that we are with so many different kind of coaches, that there is diversity. And that's why I chose the niche of women. Of course I can coach men. There are also men who are jumping on calls with me and want to work with me and yes, please, let's go. But I just know that's why I choose this high performing woman. I am, I was and I am a high performing woman and just feel I can relate more to different layers. When we talk about relationships, when we talk about your position as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as a lover, as whatever the first female board member, as the first female, whatever, we are confronted always with the same judgments, with the same difficulties, complexities. And that's so nice that you don't need to put all your energy in explaining all these things and someone can just relate and you can just put in the work together. That's what you want. You want to put in the work. You don't only want to overcome it, you want to learn to live with difficulties and to accept actually the different, the curveballs and the challenges that life throws at you. And so I think it's more that it's more like really cope with cultural, yeah. Culture and gender or maybe for others religion and sexual orientation. I think these are all these different layers. So that's why the supportive community with all these different kind of women is so important because there they can really share experiences, gain insights, support each other. It helps combat isolation and it really brings a sense of belonging that mostly something they miss in even very inner, inner circle with friends or maybe at home even. So that's why it's great to have that kind of sense of belonging and find it somewhere. But it's not linked to a country or something because also for me I was born here, but I'm Moroccan. But in Morocco I'm Belgian. So in the world I'm just Siham Moroccan, Belgian woman that today has women leaders OS and is an impact consultant. And I thrive in actually be situations where we have challenges and people want impact and we can just work together, collaborate and inspire common goals and do things together. That's I think not country or geography, but really like just the environment. Like you said, it's more hybrids and I love that I Love that.
- [18:55]
Vince Chen
So basically you're saying that while you work with women from different parts of the world, you found that many of the challenges they face are universal. Yes, there may be local cultural elements or influences, but many of these issues across cultural, for example, being judged, whether it's for being married, having children, not having children, being lgbtq, having long hair, short hair. These judgments aren't limited to women in Belgium, in New York, San Francisco or Hong Kong. They're simply issues that women everywhere face. You're helping women from different corners of the world navigate these universal challenges.
- [19:57]
Siham L. Kawakibi
Actually, what I deal with is life challenges like I had have hit rock bottom and I had to uncover my values, my beliefs, I had to accept situation I was in that I couldn't go back. So it's really about life. It can be medical, it can be healthy, it can be divorced, can be grief, it can be indeed problems with your child, can be problems just with yourself, just lack of self belief, lack of confidence because all this cross cultural context did to you and how you cope with it, and maybe it's coping mechanism in the wrong way, maybe it's burning you out, etc. So for me the great thing is that we all face life challenges and that I just love and I'm good at reframing these challenges to possibilities, to people, to grow and to lead you to fulfillment and success in life and career without turnouts. Learn how for example, to set boundaries. Not seeing it as if you're a people pleaser, not seeing it as something selfish or mean. And the cultural context across cultural context is a surplus. The fact that we also all these different layers experience all these different ways. That's why I can be a bit better match for someone or the person I can coach. High performing woman can be a better match for me. We just, we can relate.
- [21:13]
Vince Chen
I'm curious, what's the Persona of the women leaders you tend to work with or those you are most drawn to helping? The reason I raise this question is because honestly, in my view, when mainstream people talk about women in leadership, it still feels a bit generic. Especially before COVID I noticed that mainstream media tended to showcase a certain type of woman leader. Someone who might fit into a traditional mood, such as happily married with two or three children, long hair, maybe blonde, maybe blue eye. Essentially the ideal wife's role model in the eyes of men. This image doesn't differ much from the so called women's role models of the past, but we know that in reality there's so much diversity in the world of women. Leaders. Now that we're in 2024, moving into 2025, the world is changing rapidly. So back to my original question. What types of women leaders do you like to work with or would you like to work with more? I believe even within the world of women leaders, we need more diversity.
- [22:43]
Siham L. Kawakibi
Like the Persona I work with or I love to work with are these women are amazing, okay, Already. They don't need someone to grow or help nurture some kind of talent or something because they are talented and they already achieve so many things. But sometimes you go through moments of self doubt, fear of failure, even success and still lack motivation. Okay? And when you're high, performing in a golden cage, you just want to stick to your comfort zone. And it's these women that I love to work with. Help them recognize this challenge as a first step to overcome and overcome these challenges and moving forward with this, gaining back this confidence and self belief and determination and letting them know that like these challenges, they are totally conquerable. Okay, Maybe you don't see it for the moment because you were always high performing, successful and something happened to you and you're now confused and overwhelmed. It's about gaining that clarity and direction again, about repurposing. And I think with some tools, solid guidance, a great support system with women leaders os I can really help women to navigate from the place where they are to who they are becoming. So you need to learn or you need to try to avoid burnout, you need to learn how to release stress, you need to learn how to relieve pressure, you need to learn how to relieve guilt when not working, for example, okay, start enjoying these little playful moments in lives. And then when we have this, when we have this personal part of life and relationships, etc. I love to work with this woman to of course, a successful career and can be a new job, a new dial. But mostly I work, love to work with founders because I'm an inspiration myself and I know what it is to take a project from zero to hundreds. And so I just love to work. So I have this woman, I cannot say for what institutions she works in New York because it's one of the most lone institutions. She's a high level director there and she wants to pivot. She's tired of the environment. She actually moved from the other part of the world to New York to have this position. And then after years she's, this is not my environment. I cannot drive here. This is too much bureaucracy and I'm more entrepreneur. I was always a VC, etc. And now she contacted me and she asked, okay, can you help navigate actually the closure of this chapter? So I can. I don't burn up bridges. I can know. Just live in a friendly manner, and I don't know how to communicate. My culture is different. So can you help me there? Because with my private political experience, I can. That's one thing. And on the other hand is that. And I have time. I have some savings. I can take six months to build my new business, but I don't know what it will be. Can you help me? I love to do that. I love to help someone who is confused or who is like, a little bit new direction, help them in the present situation and start crafting their future together. That's. For me, those are great journeys because I also learn a lot and we do it together. And it's really. Yeah, it's really personal, and it's so. I'm so grateful that these people jump on a call with me and can relate with me and just trust me to. Yeah. To go on this journey with them, because it's quite important, right? The next 10, 15 years of your lives is always important. The next Runway.
- [26:09]
Vince Chen
Yes. You mentioned the word trust in the last few interviews with different guests. Whether they were coaches, tech innovators, or someone in recruitment, trust has come up as a key theme. As we enter the AI era, where we'll see more and more applications of AI in our daily lives, the importance of humanity, with trust as a major component, remains crucial. Trust is hard to build, hard to find, and once broken, difficult to repair. For you, as a coach and consultant, trust is a key success factor in pursuing and accelerating your agenda to make an impact on women leaders. To wrap up our interview, I'd like to ask you to share genuine advice with our listeners. Whether they are young women in their 20s or more experienced women in their 40s, 50s, or 60s, you work with women from various backgrounds. So what are your top three pieces of advice for women facing life challenges, feeling lost, or struggling to find direction? Perhaps they might eventually reach out to you for consulting sessions or seek help from a therapist or psychologist. How can they begin to feel more relaxed and take the first steps towards getting unstuck?
- [27:57]
Siham L. Kawakibi
When you're feeling lost, mostly lost, something. Okay. And the moment you lose almost everything you. Everything you cared about, you have to believe that you will overcome this loss. We all did. And if you're back in shape, you just realize that nothing in life can happen that you cannot overcome, and maybe even you actually don't overcome it. You work through it. And live differently. And to believe this, you need really to trust the process. And it's something. It may sound vague, but it's something you have to believe in. You cannot change the situation you're in if you don't believe it. And the path you're on will. Will roll out. How it will roll out, it will manifest. That's. That's how it is. And another part is there's so much about glamorous success, but there is always another side. Okay? Everything you see when you're feeling lost and confused and you envy all these other people, just know that there's always another side of growth. Okay? So there are extraordinary people that you envy when you. But they are also in deep pain, even if they are millionaires or have social status and they are going through depths of darkness. So don't mirror yourself with these people when you are lost, because I did. I envied so many people. I was focused on the other instead of focusing on myself. Okay? You lose time, you leave energy, you leave. You lose self belief, confidence, everything you need to start your transformation. And the other part is just success is moving through the peaks and the lows, equally embracing what is drawn at us. That's success. The rest is noise. If somebody says to you, this is success, look at me, don't believe it. Success is failure. Stumbling, maybe bankruptcy, scandals, trials, whatever it is, Just know that the real success and wealth is inside you. And when you find that source, you become resourceful to wrap it up. I always say to the community of women I work with, you will always be in. You are going to make mistakes. You are not perfect. Okay? The learning is in the doing. So embrace the change. Lean into the resistance you feel. But also be grateful every day. These three things that you're grateful. Focus on the abundance that you're surrounded with, whether it's love or the little things. Instead of focusing on the lack of something, the voids, okay? Your future will pan out just as it's supposed to be. And let your values guide you. I think that's for me, the most important thing. And if you really want to have something very tangible, what helped me a lot and helps a lot of people I'm surrounded with is creates a structured daily routine. Okay? Do these daily walks in nature. They're brain juice. Start journaling. Practice gratitude. It really helps. Stay positive. Pursue something like a further education. It can be. Of course, there's so many free courses online. Do something that sharpens, that keeps you sharp, that sharpens your knowledge. For example, you don't feel you're not able to learn. No, you keep on learning. Engage in sports. So important. And, and if you're really in a dark period, of course you need therapy, of course you need to understand and manage your mental health through professional help. But all these little things, it's compounding. It's compounding to change. It's compounding your transformation. And it's. I can assure you it works. It didn't only work for me, it works for all these amazing women I work with. For sure.
- [31:44]
Vince Chen
Yeah, I can truly resonate with a lot of those points. For example, the concept of success has become more distorted since the rise of social media. The glorification of success has only gotten worse with everyone talking up their achievements, making everything seem more glamorous than it really is. But honestly, this projection is not only misleading, it can also be entirely false. There's so much happening behind the scenes that people don't show. If you take those projections as truth or benchmarks for your own efforts, you end up losing because the benchmark isn't even real. Instead, you should focus on, on your own progress. Making progress every day, whether it's learning something new, reading a few pages, taking a short course, or exercising, is empowering. You see yourself improving day by day, and that's what matters. Learning is both empowering and an investment. People often talk about helping women become more financially independent, dependent. Focusing on financial investment, but investing in yourself, learning new skills, earning certificates, or even exploring fields like prompt engineering can be incredibly lucrative. It opens up new opportunities that can eventually turn into financial gains. Learning is an investment in yourself. Women around the world have often been bound by certain systems and structures since childhood. Whenever we deviate from those expectations, we face judgment and discouragement. We need more healthy positivity to help us advance, even if it's just bit by bit. Because as you said, everything compounds over time.
- [34:09]
Siham L. Kawakibi
Yeah, exactly. Oh, pleasure. It was really nice. It was really, it was lovely to do. This was one of my first podcasts was in English. So sorry for my maybe some mistakes, but I love doing this and to share some, I think just real stories. Like I said, I think it should be part of impact to contribute to people's stories and people's journey. So it's always a pleasure to contribute in, in this way. Yeah.
- [34:36]
Vince Chen
Cm, you are being modest is your first time as a guest on an English speaking podcast and it's also my first time as the host and creator of one. A lot of my guests don't have English as their mother tongue. Neither do I. But we are stepping up and moving forward to make our voices heard. And in a noisy world, that's what really matters. Thank you so much for joining us today. If you like what you heard, don't forget, subscribe to our show. Leave us top rated reviews. Check out our website and follow me on social media on this Chan, your ambitious human host. Until next time, take care.
- [35:58]
TaxAct Voiceover
TaxAct knows small business owners can sometimes use a little help with their taxes. That's why TaxAct has expert assist, a team of live tax experts ready to answer any questions you may have. Think of them as your own personal sidekick. Not like one of those funny talking animal sidekicks. More like the super smart nerding out on tax code and business casual attire sidekick, but just as helpful and lovable tax act. Let's get them over with.