Podcast Summary: Chief Change Officer Episode #408 - Jodi Silverman: When the Kids Grow Up, But You’re Just Getting Started — Part Two

Introduction

In Episode #408 of Chief Change Officer, host Vince Chan engages in an insightful two-part conversation with Jodi Silverman, founder of the Moms Who Dare community. Jodi shares her personal journey of transitioning from running a print business and raising a family to rediscovering her passions and purpose after her children have grown. This episode delves deep into the emotional and practical aspects of navigating the "empty nest" phase, offering listeners actionable strategies to outgrow themselves and embrace new beginnings.

Common Challenges Faced by Women in the Empty Nest

Jodi begins by highlighting the prevalent challenges women encounter once their children reach adulthood:

1. Feeling Disconnected from Adult Children: Many women feel a sense of detachment as their children transition into adulthood, often struggling to balance being present without becoming overbearing. As Jodi states, “[...] legal adults, but they’re not feeling disconnected” (02:28).

2. Loss of Purpose: The shift from daily parenting roles leaves many women searching for a new sense of purpose, having dedicated years to family life.

3. Difficulty in Forming New Friendships: With traditional avenues for connecting, such as school sports and activities, no longer available, women find it challenging to forge new friendships and community ties.

Jodi emphasizes that these challenges are especially pronounced during midlife and beyond, urging women to seek new connections and rediscover their individual identities.

Introducing the DARE Method

To address these challenges, Jodi introduces her DARE Method, a structured approach to personal transformation:

1. Decide: Make a conscious decision to focus on oneself. Jodi advises, “You get to put yourself at the top of the list now and start to discover or rediscover or reconnect to those lost passions” (05:45).

2. Awaken: Spark a renewed awareness of one’s desires and potential. “Awaken your heart again, awaken your mind again,” Jodi encourages (06:05).

3. Reimagine: Envision what life could look like beyond current circumstances. This involves reconnecting with past interests and dreaming about future possibilities.

4. Experience (Dare): Actively engage in new activities and experiences. Jodi suggests creating a list of interests and gradually daring to explore them, stating, “Daring doesn’t have to be a whole career change. It can be just little steps” (22:30).

Navigating the Transition from Fixer to Coach

A significant part of Jodi’s method involves shifting the parental role from a "fixer" to a "coach" or "advisor." By focusing on their own growth and boundaries, parents can foster healthier relationships with their adult children. Jodi shares her realization: “The number one parenting shift we all must make... is going from the fixer to the coach” (06:05).

Emotional Processing and Resilience

Jodi underscores the importance of confronting and understanding one’s emotions during this transition. She emphasizes that resilience stems from the ability to “think, feel and sit with our difficult emotions” (13:21). Acknowledging and processing these feelings is crucial for personal growth and building a resilient life post-parenting.

Insights on Fathers and the Empty Nest

The conversation shifts to how fathers experience the empty nest phase differently. Jodi discusses her husband Sam’s pragmatic approach to missing their children without feeling a deep sense of loss in purpose. She observes, “Most of the fathers I know... don’t have the same loss of purpose that a mom has” (09:32). Additionally, societal norms often condition men to mask their emotions, making their internal experiences less visible.

Maintaining and Rediscovering Couple Relationships

Jodi and Vince explore strategies for couples to maintain strong relationships after children leave home. Jodi introduces the concept of a Day Swap, where partners spend a day experiencing each other’s favorite activities. This practice fosters deeper understanding and reconnection. She elaborates, “Day swap allows each party... to feel seen, heard, understood, appreciated” (18:54).

Practical Tips for Parents Feeling Overwhelmed

Towards the end of the episode, Jodi offers actionable advice for parents struggling with the empty nest transition:

1. Seek Professional Help: For those experiencing severe depression or anxiety, Jodi strongly recommends finding professional support: “If you are struggling to get up every day out of it, find help. Go find professional help, always” (20:44).

2. Create a Personal List: Jodi advises parents to write down a list of activities they enjoyed before parenthood. This “brain dump” helps identify passions that can be reignited.

3. Take Baby Steps: Start by daring to engage in new or old hobbies without the pressure of perfection. “If you don’t like doing it, you could take it off your list. I tried. I don’t like that anymore” (22:30).

4. Balance Togetherness and Independence: Maintain both shared interests with a partner and individual pursuits to ensure personal fulfillment alongside relational harmony.

Conclusion

Episode #408 of Chief Change Officer offers a compassionate and pragmatic approach to navigating the empty nest transition. Jodi Silverman’s DARE Method provides a roadmap for women to rediscover their identities, build new connections, and embrace new chapters with confidence. Her insights into the emotional landscapes of both mothers and fathers enrich the conversation, making it a valuable resource for anyone experiencing or anticipating this significant life change.

As Jodi aptly summarizes, “A better you is already unfolding.” Listeners are encouraged to take proactive steps towards personal growth, ensuring that the departure of children from the home becomes a gateway to new opportunities and self-discovery.

Notable Quotes:

• “Permission to say, okay, I get to focus on me. I get to put myself at the top of the list now...” (02:28)
• “The number one parenting shift we all must make... is going from the fixer to the coach” (06:05)
• “Daring doesn’t have to be a whole career change. It can be just little steps” (22:30)
• “Our ability to feel and sit and understand our emotions is what will eventually create a much more resilient world” (13:21)
• “Day swap allows each party in the day swap to feel seen, heard, understood, appreciated” (18:54)

Additional Resources:

• Moms Who Dare Community: [Website Link]
• Follow Chief Change Officer on LinkedIn, Apple, Spotify, and YouTube @chiefchangeofficer

This detailed summary captures the essence of Jodi Silverman’s conversation on Chief Change Officer, providing listeners with valuable insights and practical steps to navigate life changes post-parenting.