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Chief Change Officer™
Sihame El Kaouakibi: Rising from Rock Bottom to Achieve Peak Performance — Part One
00:26:13
Sihame El Kaouakibi joins us as our first-ever guest from Belgium with Moroccan heritage. Her story is remarkable—she’s faced burnout, bankruptcy, and adversity head-on to become a parliamentarian, a champion for diversity, the creator of Women Leaders OS, and a leadership coach for women. It’s the lived experiences behind these achievements that make her story so compelling. Part One.
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- [00:00]
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- [00:17]
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- [01:01]
Siham L. Kawakibi
Every team, every topic, everywhere. This is Believe.
- [01:17]
Vince Chen
Hi everyone. Welcome to our show. Chief Change Officer. I'm Vince Chen, your ambitious human host. Our show is a modernist community for change. Progressives in organizational and human transformation from around the world. How do I even begin to introduce our first guest from Belgium who has Moroccan roots. Her name is Siham L. Kawakibi. She is a Moroccan immigrant, a burnout and bankruptcy survivor, a parliamentarian, a champion of diversity and and inclusion. She's also the creator of Women Leaders OS and a women's leadership coach. She is all these and more beyond these identities. What truly impresses me are the experiences that have shaped these transformations. Some people thrive in politics, others in stability. Siham thrives in adversity. She describes herself as more than resilient. She is antifragile. I see her as someone who has learned over time to turn adversity into an advantage. It's not an inborn talent, rather is something nurtured and developed.
- [03:16]
Siham L. Kawakibi
How?
- [03:18]
Vince Chen
Let's find out.
- [03:22]
Siham L. Kawakibi
Hello. Hello. Yes, I'm here.
- [03:25]
Vince Chen
Thank you. C ham has over 20 years of experience across both the private and public sectors, along with a wealth of personal experiences. There's so much we can talk about today. Before that, could you give us an overview of your journey through the key milestones of your life and career? Then we'll explore different elements in more detail.
- [03:56]
Siham L. Kawakibi
All right. What an opening. That's quite a story. Right? So for the people listening, my name is Siham. I was born in 86 to Moroccan immigrants in Belgium. I Was raised there, studied there, worked there in the past 20 years. I was an entrepreneur, actually five time founder, former member of parliament. And yeah, I actually have to just be very honest. As a young woman of color, I did face a lot of adversity. And my milestones started there. I think because I found a way through education, hard work and luck to transform adversity into a sort of resilience. My experience really sparked for me a super deep desire to to turn these societal hurdles into driving force for change. So my milestone is there the nonprofit work I found that design implements award winning empowerment programs, IT education programs for youth and women. But simultaneously I did enter the entrepreneurial world. Co founded several firms especially focused on next gen inclusion and diversity. Yeah, that was like the first 15 years. And then five years ago I entered politics as a member of parliament and that changed really everything but for the worse. Where entrepreneurship is a positive sum game, I can assure you politics is a zero sum game. It became this toxic work environment. And yeah, a couple of years ago, three, four years ago, I went through a very difficult burnout period of burnout, diagnosed ptsd. So it forced me to slow down. During slowing down, what is a privilege today that you can slow down? I healed, started pivoting and actually I really went from being burnt out, confused, overwhelmed, even bankrupt to to now being back in the best shape of my life. Physically, mentally I'm resilient. But actually more than resilient, I love to say I'm anti fragile. I really find strength in adversity and I'm in a career that I'm more proud of than ever. So I can proudly say that today I'm a skin in the game consultant. Impact and innovation is my thing at the intersection of people, prosperity planet and actually it's about converting SDGs into tangible results. And besides consulting, I love coaching high performing women because we can relate. And I think that's also the way we met Vince.
- [06:18]
Vince Chen
Yes, we met through common friends and explored common topics. Which is one of the reasons why I really wanted to interview you. You have so much knowledge and real experience to share. As I mentioned in the show notes, I don't sell the success stories of my guests. They are obviously successful in their own way and in their own space. But what makes this podcast special is the real stories, the live experiences, which some sometimes aren't very pleasant. You mention mental health, which is undoubtedly a hot topic in today's world. Honestly, in a world as complex and challenging as ours, who can truly say they are perfectly mentally healthy? We all have to deal with different kinds of stress and burnout. So let's stop here. Let's talk about mental health. If I understood you correctly, is this something that stems from your years in politics or doesn't go further back maybe to your childhood, adolescence or work life in the private sector? Please share more about the challenges you faced.
- [07:59]
Siham L. Kawakibi
Yeah, I love the question again because like you said, mental health is something a lot of people deal with today. People, it's not only about measuring mental health and having more assessments and having more people going to therapy or talking about it. It's really an issue that in this difficult times where everything is a little bit confusing, where we have a lack of leadership as well, a lack of sense of belonging, sometimes that the things that are happening in the world also just weigh on people. And for me, politics was maybe ignited something that that was of course leads to something from a young age and of course as a child. Okay. But it's the last four years that have been transformational. You know, like I said, I was always on top of my game, going like a high speed train. I had this very short and long term goals, high on the prize accomplishment. And then when life takes an unexpected turn for me in just one day, I went from doing very well to hitting rock bottom. And that confusion, stress, anxiety, but also the rejection that came with it had such a huge impact on my mental health, life and career. That of course when you slow down and dig deeper and do the work, yeah, of course it's connected with we see him who was Siham when she was like this 8 year old child and then in her teenager time, what led Siham to this? Yeah, to this time of confusion. So for me, for example, when everything happened to me a couple of years ago, like really the big plaque, the doors slam shut in my face, I really tried to solve the situation with the coping mechanisms I knew, but he made things worse. So this really led to life changing questions. It also led to zero self belief and confidence. And you mentioned success. For me, I personalized myself with success. But when you personalize yourself with your success, you do the same with your failures. Without success, without my work, without external validation and recognition, I felt like nothing. I felt a nobody. And this comes from someone whose work was empowering people until they could say I am somebody. So this was really so painful. The rejection was I couldn't get a grasp on my life again. So I really had to put in a lot of work. After I realized that rock bottom can become fertile grounds and it became fertile Grounds for me. But I couldn't do this by myself. It was my support system, it was coaching, it was therapy, it was podcast books. As going back to study all these things, all these programs. I decided to use this rock bottom as a reset button and yeah, I could just rebuild from the ground up. What are your values? Politics led me far away from my core beliefs and values so I could align back with my real values. I could rewrite my purpose, my ikigai, my. I could align them with what I was doing, with my action and I could redefine success, health. So even though this actually this period of struggling with my mental health changed my perspective on what it means to have a successful career and to be at our best in our health, at work, in our careers, in our relationships, and that personal journey became just this transformation to let go of a lot of things, to let go of control, to let go of my ego, the ego of my past success, I call it. Do you really want to go back to the person you were, the situation you were in? No. Embrace a privilege that maybe the fact that you can slow down can also has led me to realizing that I am somebody without accolades and achievements. So actually my mental health today is better than before. But before I didn't feel it because I was so busy in my head, I wasn't in my body. So today it's really being aligned with your mind, body and soul is true. And I had to experience it in a very hard way. But this healing journey, this was an opportunity, is an opportunity to learn, to grow, to pivot. It's a journey to renown, purpose and direction. And today you just understand that you need to, you need to build your mental health and the way you approach life and projects or work whatever relationships in a more sustainable way. And of course, it took me a lot of time. It took me three years. And so that's why I said, beside consulting, I love coaching because I don't think it has to take three years. And you can't do this alone. So I'm so privileged that during my mental health journey, like going from rock bottom to who I am today and how I approach life today is of course, because I had an abundance of love and warmth and grateful to have the health, the physical health as well, and to be able to cope with this very dark period to where I am today, full of light.
- [12:51]
Vince Chen
So far, I've had two guests in season one, both women who are involved in politics. One is a parliamentarian in Singapore and the other one was a lawyer in Paris before moving to Senegal to get involved in politics and government. Now she's deeply involved in public administration. In their respective capacities, they've made great impacts in their communities. I'd like to share a bit from their experiences from for example the one in Singapore. My classmate from Chicago, Booth mba, mentioned that the election period and its aftermath were the darkest times in her life. She didn't explicitly mention mental health, but she was attacked on social media for her age and so called inexperience. Being the youngest elected parliamentarian at that time. I bring this up because you mentioned that politics is a negative sum game. While I can imagine the satisfaction of being in a position of influence and making an impact on the communities you care about, I can also see how political games could be a major source of mental health challenges. Can you share more about the challenges you faced during that time? And of course, without naming names, just the lessons you learned or specific incidents that led to struggles, perhaps even depression, I think that would be helpful.
- [14:56]
Siham L. Kawakibi
Water.
- [14:57]
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- [15:13]
Siham L. Kawakibi
Is a difficult chapter in my life so I'll take time to I'm thinking about the lines that what I want to share and I think I have to start from the beginning and then go towards the lessons learned. So if I started in the beginning, back then I was 28 working at full speed as an entrepreneur. Our organizations were making a huge impact on youth and people through empowerment, impact driven consultancy and actually I never intended to run for elections really. Several party leaders asked me to join their party and run. I always said no was my default answer because we had impact and freedom to speak up without political affiliation so we could advocate for change, for equality and justice freely. But like the rest of Europe and the West, Belgium saw the rise of extreme parties, far right conservatism. We had this racism, sexism, name it, you name it and social media. And I was a target for that. Social media became a hotbed for hate speech, which of course hers as a community builder and leader that what we were doing bringing people together, creating sense of belonging, uniting people through projects, tangible achievements, new centers, et cetera. So when I saw that these elections in 2019, this was end of 2018, beginning 2019 these elections would be pivotal for the country so that's where when one of the some people came to me from a certain party, that's the first time. It was a timing as well. I was emotional because everything was happening. I could see it in the news. I was like, what, what is this? All these campaigns anti women, anti migrants, etc. So I decided to run in 24 hours. I consultant, of course, people close to me, but like with everything. These people that knew me as a high performing women, always stubborn, just doing my thing, ego driven decisions, they just, they couldn't hold me back. I know they wanted to do, but they couldn't. They just knew that I wasn't, they weren't able to hold me back. And that was like part of my like personality and also part of being stubborn in your goals and in your visions to make a change. I decided to run, got elected. But it was from day one of campaigning, very challenging. We had this conservatism, nationalism, far right. They had almost 50% representation. So can you imagine being in Parliament? More than 50% is really the opposite of what you stand for and who you are and you know, what my looks are and etc. So it's created a tough work environment. People forget that it's a work environment. You go to your work as a member of parliament, plus we face Covid and Black Lives Matter. During my first year, making me work from 0 to 200% politics. And that's where I really regret the decision. Because I went into politics at a bad time. I had several big projects and teams running. So when I started my mandate, I invested all my time in politics and people, leaving my teams and projects behind. And of course there were other managers and board members, etc. You were the face, so you're accountable. And this really gave my political funds the best shot to spin and turn Disinformation, hurting my reputation and I almost lost everything. My health even led to, like I said, bankruptcy. And it's just because I was quite naive because choosing one party made other parties that supported, for example, our organizations. Organizations, yeah, furious. They felt that's something typical politics. They always feel that you owe them. Right. And because of my choice, it felt for them like betrayal. So my initial motivation to speak up in these hard times, pivotal times for the country as a community builder with 15 years of experience, let's go into politics and have this system changing. The initial motivation was it may be legit, but the consequences, I didn't think about the consequences enough. And it was a very hard way to experience this harsh truth. And it became Now a reset button on my 35th birthday. But the good thing, I lost a big part of my ego and my relationships and health are stronger than ever. Because the key lessons really Vince, is because that was a big part of your question. So sorry that I'm just answering now. If I think about it, I wasn't aligned with my values and beliefs anymore. So my lesson is if you feel you have to give up on your principles, quit. Certainly in politics, quit, don't fight. And it's like oh see I'm. That's not really courageous. It's because the status quo is hard to change. And especially if you speak up for the underrepresent that if something happens to you, they can't speak up for you, you lose anyway. And especially when you started politics from a kind of a messiah complex where you go into politics because you want to change things, because you believe you can change things and thinking that you can change deep rooted inequalities like just by yourself. Not true. It's not possible. So first of all I actually had to convert my circles of trust and credibility communities to the bigger purpose. And then you need to build strong foundations. Your mandates actually isn't associated just with you, but stands for bigger projects. That's the only way that don't isolate but that you can start to collaborate. And another key lesson, don't make eco driven decisions. Sometimes you have to stay low, work harder. Because when you rise too fast, powers in place will focus on you, bring you down quickly. And then the questions left, like what legacy is then left? What change did you bring? Was it for the better or for the worse? And then the biggest lesson, of course from a governance point of view, if you have companies or mandates, just quit before entering politics to avoid them being used against you. And the most beautiful lesson, I think you are elected by the people, okay? So even though they can maybe damage your reputation with misinformation and political campaigns, adversity, they cannot take your seat, okay? It's the people chose you. Don't ever forget that and try to show up, be courageous. But if the environment is too toxic, is it worth it? If you quite isolated, especially as people who stand for change, sometimes it's not worth it. You still need to prioritize yourself, self care. And certainly if you have a family you're accountable for, you need to put yourself in them first because otherwise you cannot fight for the people. That's just the thing. And sometimes I think it's about timing. For me it wasn't the right timing. I Made an ego driven decision and it was a messiah complex. And of course believe I had everything like potential and talents to be to do something to drive change. Otherwise there was no focus from political opponents. So that's. I know, but it was too soon, too early without a foundation, a community standing next to me, beside me, standing for this bigger project. And that's okay. It's a hard lesson learned and my motivation was legit. And yeah, all the rest is trying to keep driving change as an advocate for change, as an entrepreneur, as an impact consultant, that's actually what I do better. So that's my position now.
- [22:33]
Vince Chen
Politics, whether in government or the office, is something that some people are really good at navigating. Some people thrive in it and even seek out more of it. It sounds like you saw parliament as a stage to make a positive impact on the communities you hear about. Your intentions were noble, but the environment made things worse. Not only were you unable to create the impact you wanted, but you also faced various attacks and toxic behavior. The same goes for office environments. Many corporate workers might be incredibly smart and capable, but they struggle to climb the corporate ladder because they either don't play politics, don't play it well, or aren't willing to play it at all. I've been in the corporate world and I've seen and experienced my share of political maneuvering. I've had my own struggles with mental health due to corporate politics. That's part of why I decided to become an entrepreneur, a free agent, rather than being bound or controlled by that environment. For many people, whether they are considering a job change, a career shift, or even trying to change the world. As an entrepreneur, one key takeaway is to choose your environment and culture carefully. In certain cultures and environments you can thrive and excel. In others you might struggle. It doesn't mean you are not smart or that your intentions are not good enough. Often is the environment and the culture that holds you back preventing you from achieving what you want to achieve. That's been my experience.
- [24:53]
Siham L. Kawakibi
Beautiful. Yeah, I can relate. I can relate. The environment is everything. If you feel you're surviving instead of thriving, you need to quit, you need to leave. Because a lot of women that I guide now, some of them really start case near relatives, beautiful, amazing women, high positions. And they're still sometimes like in this environment with this political games, toxic leadership and they stay. I'm like okay, what's the plan? And the strange thing is that they cling. They just holding this situation, holding it's holding them back. They're just stuck and sometimes it's better to accept the rejection than feeling stuck, I think. So if the environment, the toxic environment feels like a rejection, maybe it's better. Rejection can be redirection and it's sometimes better to just leave. And I think the most liberating decision can be to move on. And like you said, you need to find your tribe, you need to find your environment so you can try. But it's confronting, right, Being rejected. Why is someone toxic? It's like, for example, for women. Of course, more and more women go into leadership positions. They're needed. Okay. And feminine leadership is actually based on empathy, emotional intelligence, also inclusivity. And I know that, and I was one of them, that it's no longer true that women need to like, mimic masculine or male leaders. No. I think we should embrace our strength leads with our authentic selves and I think we can relate. I don't know if you experienced, but I've experienced so many times called being irritated or too emotional after just being me in stating my points in a meeting with a lot of fashion. But it does affect you as a woman, as a person, as a human, you lose your genuine vulnerable self because of it. And so I think when the moment you have to choose and you have to be someone that you're not. Yeah. You lose your authenticity. And that's so important in a leading position that you actually not only leading, but for everyone to be able to lean into your authenticity. And that's not possible in a toxic work environment.
- [27:07]
Vince Chen
Thank you so much for joining us today. If you like what you heard, don't forget, subscribe to our show. Leave us top rated reviews. Check out our website and follow me on social media. I'm this Chen, your ambitious human host. Until next time, Take care.
- [27:37]
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