Richard Diamond, Private Detective: The Jerome J. Jerome Case 09/17/1949

Summary

Podcast Summary: Richard Diamond, Private Detective – "The Jerome J. Jerome Case" (09/17/1949)

Podcast: Choice Classic Radio Detectives | Old Time Radio
Host: Choice Classic Radio
Episode: Richard Diamond, Private Detective: The Jerome J. Jerome Case
Air Date: September 17, 1949
Summary Date: January 19, 2026

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Episode Overview

This classic episode of "Richard Diamond, Private Detective" delivers a sharp, witty mystery full of eccentric characters, snappy exchanges, and a genuine Golden Age of Radio whodunit. Richard Diamond—a wisecracking detective played by Dick Powell—is visited by the peculiar Jerome J. Jerome, who claims he's found a freshly murdered corpse. Diamond, skeptical but intrigued by his visitor's oddity, soon finds himself entangled in a convoluted case involving blackmail, a hidden room, city politics, and a fortune gone missing.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Breakdown

1. The Unusual Client: Jerome J. Jerome

• Jerome’s Introduction (03:01)
  • Jerome presents himself as a millionaire, a G-man, and a songwriter, bewildering Diamond with his bizarre persona and rambling stories.
  • Memorable banter, e.g., Jerome claims he wrote "Swanee River," but Stephen Foster "stole the melody" (03:26).
• The Case Offer (04:09)
  • Jerome insists on being Diamond’s bodyguard, but instead piques Diamond’s interest with a claim about a "freshly murdered corpse."
  • Jerome departs, but not before dropping more odd remarks about "huffing hop toads" and his impending marriage to Miss America (05:30).

2. Diamond’s Doubt and Cop Connections

• Helen Asher's Skepticism (06:59)
  • Helen and Diamond discuss Jerome’s wild claims, with Helen showing concern but Diamond remaining sardonic and dismissive.
• Police Involvement (08:17)
  • Lt. Walt Levinson, Diamond’s police friend, calls about Jerome bothering the precinct with stories of murder.
  • They joke about ill-tempered officers, Diamond’s pranks, and department stress.

“You get down here in 10 minutes or I’ll have a warrant out for you, and I mean that. Now, step on it. By heaven, I’ll forget modern police procedure and drag out the rubber hose.” — Lt. Levinson (10:02)

3. A Body at the Osterham Place

• Jerome’s Phone Call (12:21)
  • Jerome reports he’s sitting on the corpse at the Osterham house, an old mansion now a museum with one sealed room.

“If you don’t want this corpse, I’m calling in Hawthorne of the death squad.” — Jerome (12:37)

• At the Scene (14:03)
  • Diamond and Levinson climb into the Osterham place, finding Jerome calmly sitting by a dead girl.
  • The body, a young woman named Adelaide (anklet found with her name), is identified as having been dead for days (16:19).

4. Investigation & Suspicions

• Adelaide Smith's Background (18:03)
  • Identified as a blackmail artist; worked for Patrick Mahaffy, an attorney.
• Patrick Mahaffy Interview (18:58)
  • Diamond questions Mahaffy, who denies knowledge of any connection to the Osterham estate or recent crimes.
• Lt. Levinson’s Discovery (19:56)
  • Mahaffy was in fact the executor of the Osterham estate, contradicting Mahaffy’s claim.
  • Timing around the mansion’s sealed room becomes significant; the room was sealed just a day after the murder.

5. Showdown with Mahaffy

• Confrontation (21:28)
  • Diamond intercepts Mahaffy as he tries to skip town with a suitcase full of cash, confronting him about his lies.
  • Mahaffy reveals a gun; tense bargaining ensues.
  • Mahaffy's theft comes to light—he siphoned the estate fund, and Adelaide tried to blackmail him.

“I'm offering you $100,000. You must be a fool.” — Patrick Mahaffy (23:08)
“Oh, this is a very elementary deduction. Come on, you can figure it out in Sing Sing.” — Richard Diamond (23:10)

• Resolution (24:52)
  • After a phone conversation with Levinson confirming the details, Mahaffy is outmaneuvered and Jerome helps subdue him, revealing himself as the missing Osterham heir.

“Wasn’t the museum rigged with a burglar alarm?” — Mahaffy
“Simple. A member of the family might still have a key.” — Diamond (24:42)

6. Revelations & Epilogue

• Jerome’s Identity (25:09)
  • Jerome explains his motives: as the missing heir, he tried to solve the case covertly, afraid of suspicion landing on him.
  • He promises Diamond a substantial reward once the estate is settled.

“Correction again. You receive a very substantial check as soon as the estate is settled. And thank you.” — Jerome (25:41) “Thank you.” — Diamond (25:46)

• Final Lighthearted Moments (26:11)
  • Jerome offers to sell hats, alluding to his days aspiring as a designer.
  • Diamond lightens up the mood with a song, and banters with Helen Asher.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jerome’s Absurdity:
  “My name is Jerome. Jerome.” (02:30)
  “You are Mr. Diamond, aren’t you?” (02:36)
  “I’m a millionaire, Mr. Diamond. I’m also a G man. I write songs too.” (03:01)
• Classic Diamond Wit:
  “Well, bless your little pointed head.” (03:03)
  “I went to Vassar. Now slow down before I pick you up and stuff you into a bottle.” (03:43)
• Comic Police Banter:
  “Why don’t you use Sergeant Otis’s tongue? You could beat an elephant to death with it.” — Diamond (10:07)
• Case Revelation:
  “He’d climbed in, but the alarm hadn’t gone off. Simple. A member of the family might still have a key.” — Diamond (24:42)
• The Real Heir & The Reward:
  “You see, I found out the money was missing, so I looked up the girl... She told me for 20,000 she’d show me the thief... So I became Jerome J. Jerome and hired Richard Diamond.” — Jerome (25:12)

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Important Timestamps

• 03:01: Jerome J. Jerome’s wild introduction as client
• 10:07: Diamond and Lt. Levinson banter about police procedures
• 12:21: Jerome’s critical call about the corpse at Osterham Place
• 14:03: Diamond and police discover the body in the sealed room
• 18:03: Details about Adelaide Smith – the murder victim
• 19:56: Discovery that Mahaffy was executor of the estate
• 21:28: Diamond confronts Mahaffy as he attempts to flee
• 24:42: Diamond solves how the murderer accessed the sealed room
• 25:09: Jerome reveals his true identity and motives

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Tone and Style

The episode’s dialogue is brisk, filled with sardonic wit, tongue-in-cheek repartee, and colorful characterizations. Richard Diamond’s style is irreverent and irrepressible, while even tension-filled moments maintain a playful, sharp-tongued edge. The humor, while vintage, remains sparkling and helps set this apart from hard-boiled noir.

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Summary for New Listeners

Even if you haven’t heard the episode, you’ll enjoy this tale of oddball clients, eccentric millionaires, and a jaded detective facing a “locked room” blackmail murder. The case begins with nonsense but quickly evolves into an intricate investigation, culminating in a tense confrontation and a clever twist ending where the “crazy” client turns out to be both the missing heir and Diamond’s surprising benefactor. The episode perfectly captures the golden era of radio mysteries with fast-moving action, clever plotting, and laughter threaded through every twist.

Transcript

[Richard Diamond]

Welcome to Choice Classic Radio where we bring to you the greatest old time.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Radio shows like us on Facebook. Subscribe to us on YouTube and thank.

[Richard Diamond]

You for [e-mail] here's another in NBC's.

[Announcer John Storm]

Great parade of new shows. Now. Dick Powell as Richard diamond, private detective. Hello there.

[Richard Diamond]

This is Diamond. You know, if you've ever got a few idle minutes, you need a good chuckle to keep you going. Just turn to the personals in any of the local papers. Now, I'm a guy with a strange sense of humor and it really takes something right out of left field to get a spasm out of my funny bone. But just listen to this one out of the Little Rock Bugle. Oh, yeah. Bachelor, sincere young man. 4ft 10, 190 pounds. Handsome. Out of work for a year. Desires to meet woman who can straighten him out. See what I mean? If this guy does find a woman who can straighten him out, she'll probably do it with a flatiron. Oh, and, and get this one. Young man with large personality. Desires to meet woman with big bank account and small sense of humor. Object. Murder. Oh, excuse me, that's merger. Oh, and here's a real wizard. Attractive, intelligent girl, 30 years old, with bubbling enthusiasm for life. Neither smokes, drinks nor stays vegetarian and hates comic books. Would like playmate who enjoys active recreation.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Hmm.

[Richard Diamond]

There'll be a month of fasting after that one. Oh, yeah. I knew I had something else. That case I got mixed up in last week. If you think those personals are silly, will you hear about this? It all started about 11 o' clock one morning in my office.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Mr. Richard diamond, private detective.

[Richard Diamond]

I was out with a hula dancer last night. Wait, I'll look in the mirror and tell you. Come on in. So you can see too.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

My name is Jerome. Jerome.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, I'm not going to ask you what the J stands for.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

You are Mr. Diamond, aren't you?

[Richard Diamond]

It's my face, all right, but I'm sure the rest of me is on vacation.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Don't you feel well?

[Richard Diamond]

I don't feel at all. Ever danced the hula for six hours straight.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

I'm a past master of all forms of dancing care walls. What?

[Richard Diamond]

Forget it. What can I do for you, Mr. Jerome?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

It's not what you can do for me, Mr. Diamond. It's what I can do for you.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, that's a switch, but let's give it a whirl. What can you do for me, Mr. Jerome?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

I'm a millionaire, Mr. Diamond.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, bless your little pointed Head.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

I'm also a G man.

[Richard Diamond]

I knew this would jump the track sooner or later. Tell me, if you're a G man and a millionaire, where do you work? The US Mint.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

I write songs too. By the light of the silvery moon I want to.

[Richard Diamond]

Mr. Jerome.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Yes? Did you like it?

[Richard Diamond]

You didn't by any chance write Swanny River?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

No.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

I believe Stephen Foster wrote that.

[Richard Diamond]

You don't say.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Yes, he stole the melody from me.

[Richard Diamond]

I think we'd better waltz after all.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Oh, Mr. Diamond, that's ridiculous.

[Richard Diamond]

I'm glad somebody noticed.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

But you take a good zippy foxtrot now.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, now wait a minute. Hold it, hold it.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

You follow beautifully.

[Richard Diamond]

I went to Vassar. Now slow down before I pick you up and stuff you into a bottle.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Richard Diamond]

Now, would you mind telling me how long you've been hiding out with the squirrels?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Squirrels?

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, I have a mink farm you should do well. Look, Mr. Jerome, I think maybe you better go soak yourself in some hot tar or something.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

I came here to do you a favor, Mr. Diamond, and I do not intend to leave until you hear me out.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, wow. Okay. What is it you need?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

A bodyguard?

[Richard Diamond]

Operator, Give me Bellevue.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Mr. Diamond, please. There's no need to call Bellevue.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, stop being so narrow minded. They'll give you a nice quiet room. All but a little old lonesome.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Well, go ahead and call them if you want to, but it will do you no good.

[Richard Diamond]

Why not?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

They'll just think you're crazy. I'm on the staff there.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, yes, I should have known.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

I think you're making fun of me. I came up here because I knew of your reputation as a detective and I want to help you with your work.

[Helen Asher]

You.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

You get in trouble, don't you? All the time.

[Richard Diamond]

Habitually.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Well, I want to protect.

[Richard Diamond]

Now that's nice, but I really don't need a bodyguard.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Early stages of schizophrenia. Also a slight persecution complex. Have you seen a good psychiatrist, Mr. Diamond?

[Richard Diamond]

Certainly a thought.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Well, when do I start work?

[Richard Diamond]

Well, you see, it's like this. I'm awfully sorry, but I have my own nutcracker.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Oh, no, no, no. I mean as your bodyguard.

[Richard Diamond]

I'm afraid the requirements are too tough.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

What are they?

[Richard Diamond]

Well, first you have to find a freshly murdered corpse. It's kind of like a treasure hunt.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Oh, I've got that.

[Richard Diamond]

You got what?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

A freshly murdered corpse. That's one of the reasons I came up to see you. I thought you'd like to know.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, well, now, I'll tell you what you do you go back and see if the corpse is still there? If it is, call me at once. Okay.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

All righty, I'm off.

[Richard Diamond]

Amen.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Mr. Diamond.

[Richard Diamond]

Yes?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Remember huffing hop toads have no hair.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, no.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Mr. Diamond.

[Richard Diamond]

Huh?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Oh, I thought you'd better know something. I can only be your bodyguard for a week. I'm getting married.

[Richard Diamond]

Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

It's Miss America. But don't breathe it around. I want time to check her measurements.

[Richard Diamond]

I'll send you a fruitcake.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Just bring it in. You're invited.

[Richard Diamond]

Goodbye. Diamonds Rest Home. We specialize in nervous disorders. Ingrown scalps in the world's largest bowling alley. Oh, don't laugh. If you'd seen what just walked out of here, you'd go back to Yo Yo's.

[Helen Asher]

Well, what did just walk out of there?

[Richard Diamond]

I'm not sure, but he had lovely blonde hair.

[Helen Asher]

He did?

[Richard Diamond]

Yeah, all over him.

[Helen Asher]

Rick, what in the world are you talking about?

[Richard Diamond]

I'm talking about nothing in the world.

[Helen Asher]

Come on, tell Helen.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, I've got to get it all straight first. If I figure it out, I'll come over and we can throw sesame seeds at each other.

[Helen Asher]

Oh, I'd love to. When will you be here?

[Richard Diamond]

As soon as I shine up my elk's tooth and lock the office. Bye. Well, I usually get some screwy ones, but this one was the topper of the season. I had a hunch that Jerome would be back, so I locked the office and did a quick sneak down the back stairs. I grabbed a cab and 10 minutes later I was sitting in Helen asher's study at 975 Park Avenue.

[Helen Asher]

Do you think his story about the body had any truth behind it?

[Richard Diamond]

Well, he told me he was a millionaire, a G man, owned a mink farm and was going to marry Miss America. Now, tell me you think there's some truth behind it and I'll have you committed.

[Helen Asher]

Well, all right. But if he continues to pester you, you ought to call the authorities about him.

[Richard Diamond]

Yeah, I guess I'll have to.

[Helen Asher]

Poor little man.

[Richard Diamond]

It's a poor little man like that who ends up hanging his grandmother on a meat hook.

[Helen Asher]

Oh, he doesn't sound dangerous to me.

[Richard Diamond]

Sometimes the harmless ones work themselves right into a storm. Now take me. You would never guess that somewhere in the back of my head a square knot is being tied.

[Helen Asher]

Rick, now start that.

[Richard Diamond]

See, you didn't know it, but at high noon I grow fangs and long claws.

[Helen Asher]

Now stop it. You do that every time a good looking girl walks past. Rick, you complete idiot. Rick, the phone's ringing.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, I hope it's happy.

[Helen Asher]

Might be something important.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

I'll.

[Helen Asher]

Rick, you're mossing my hair. No, stop that and answer the phone.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, you woman or fiend? Harold Appleknocker's Happy Home for hog.

[Helen Asher]

Rick.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Who is this?

[Richard Diamond]

What's the matter with you all? Ain't you got your ear trumpet trip right?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

I know it's you, Diamond.

[Richard Diamond]

No, it ain't. This is old Harold Appleknocker. I'll let you talk to my gal, Lulabelle. Say hello to the lieutenant, Lulibell.

[Helen Asher]

Howdy.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Now, diamond, you stop that. I just got back from my vacation and things are already so confused. I may turn in my badge before the day is over.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, come on down to the hog ranch and I'll cook you up some hocks.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Now, come on, Diamond. I'm not in the mood for any of your wild humor.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, what's the matter with you, Walt? Did you catch any fish?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Oh, wait till I tell you. I got one that was so big.

[Richard Diamond]

Is that why you called me?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Huh? Oh. Oh, no. Some guy's been pestering me for the last half an hour. Wants to know where you are. Says he's an old friend.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, his name wasn't Jerome. J. Jerome, was it?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

That was the first name he gave me the last time he called. He said he was a G man.

[Richard Diamond]

That's Jerome.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Want me to tell him where you are?

[Richard Diamond]

You do and I'll handcuff you to Sergeant Otis.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Oh, don't say that name to me ever again.

[Richard Diamond]

Why, Walt, you sound bitter.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

That hornet head worked nights just messing things up. And Homicide Lieutenant Waldo is taking calcium shots. The chief has locked himself in his office. Won't even open the door for food.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, if Jerome calls again, tell him I've joined the South Siberian Balloon Corps.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Now, wait a minute. Well, what do you want now, bonehead?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

It's that Jerome guy.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

He wants diamond again. Says he found the body right where he left it.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

What Diamond?

[Richard Diamond]

Now, you wait a minute, Walt.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

What are you doing?

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, picking up my eardrum. You better watch that yelling. You'll have an office full of hogs.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Keep Otis out of this and I'll yell if I want to. Now, you get down here and explain about this body.

[Richard Diamond]

Walt, I don't know anything about the body. The Jerome guy is off his trolley.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Yeah, well, if there's the smallest possibility of a corpse turning up and you're involved, it'll turn up.

[Richard Diamond]

Walt, you say it, but you don't mean it.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

I don't, huh? You get down here in 10 minutes or I'll have a warrant out for you, and I mean that. Now, step on it. By heaven, I'll forget modern police procedure and drag out the rubber hose.

[Richard Diamond]

Why don't you use Sergeant Otis's tongue? You could beat an elephant to death with it.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

I'm not kidding. I've heard two words, diamond and body, and that means overtime in this department. Now get down here.

[Richard Diamond]

All right, but you're mean.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Oh, and diamond.

[Richard Diamond]

Yes?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Pick me up some bicarbonate on the way over, will you?

[Richard Diamond]

I'll get you something, but don't spill it on your car. It'll take the paint off. Bye.

[Helen Asher]

Rick. What was that all about?

[Richard Diamond]

Levinson's got heartburn again. That nut that wandered into my office told Otis about the body he says he's found.

[Helen Asher]

Oh, Walt didn't believe him, did he?

[Richard Diamond]

Walt's been a cynic ever since we were introduced. I'll see you later this evening, honey.

[Helen Asher]

All right, Rick. What do you want to do, Alan? What?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

What? You.

[Richard Diamond]

Had a mental picture of Walt eating his way through his desk. So I got some bicarbonate at the drugstore and hurried over before he got to the wiring and shorted out the whole department as usual. The king of the forest met me in the squad room. Well, you're in that shamus. I guess you're right. Sergeant Otis, how about lending me your wooden shoes? What do you mean, wise guy? They ain't wood. And why do you use a crowbar instead of a shoehorn? Yeah, very fun. Funny. You better go on in Lieutenant's lyl to start breaking things. I hope he doesn't use his bare hands. Yeah, why? Well, your head's lobby. Get in the way and you'll be crippled for life. All right, Walt, stop chewing on that desk. Here's your bicarbonate.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

What are you talking about? Now, you listen to me, Diamond.

[Richard Diamond]

That's like telling a man to turn up his hearing aid in a bombing.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

You can stop being cute. That guy Jerome J. Jerome phoned just before you came in, and he sticks to his story about the body, but he won't tell us where he is.

[Richard Diamond]

You don't really believe him, do you, Ward? He's nuts.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Well, he did say something about playing quarterback for Notre Dame. But if you're mixed up in this, I can't take any chances.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, don't be an idiot, Walt. This little guy Jerome came waltzing into my office this morning and. Lieutenant.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

What is it?

[Richard Diamond]

That guy Jerome's on the Phone again.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

He wants to talk to Diamond.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Rick, pick up that phone and find out about that body.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, now, come on, Walt, you can.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Use the extension in here.

[Richard Diamond]

Go on. I promise you, you'll be sorry.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

You pick it up and say hello.

[Richard Diamond]

Not to this guy you won't. You'll come back with hopping hop toads have no hair or something. Hello? Jerome?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Oh, Mr. Diamond. Good, good, good, good. I've been trying to get you for some time. The body's here all right.

[Richard Diamond]

Where? Jerome?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Anyone here?

[Richard Diamond]

No. Jerome.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

I thought maybe they had the line tapped. They do that, you know.

[Richard Diamond]

Yes, Jerome. Now where are you?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

I'm at the Osterham place. And if you don't want this corpse, I'm calling in Hawthorne of the death squad.

[Richard Diamond]

Jerome, please. Now where are you?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

The osterham Place on 74th Street.

[Richard Diamond]

I'll be right over. And don't let the corpse get away.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Oh, it won't. I'm sitting on it.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Oh. Well, did you find out where he is?

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, he said the osterham Place on 74th Street. What the devil's that?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

The Osterham place. It's old man Osterham's home. You know, the eccentric old millionaire that died last year.

[Richard Diamond]

How did your home get in?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

It's been turned into kind of a museum. The old boy had quite a collection of rare antiques. And when he died, he left the house to the city as sort of a show place.

[Richard Diamond]

You mean he's open to the public? Yeah. Well, let's go. Jerome's probably found a mummy for us. On the way over, I told Walt about Jerome's sweet little visit in my office. And the lieutenant was all for stopping off for a straight jacket. When we got there, we looked out of the squad car at an old three story brownstone. But more interesting was the sign that hung from the door. Closed Saturdays and you guessed it, it was Saturday. We got out of the car and went up.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Well, don't just stand there. Try the door.

[Richard Diamond]

I'm with you. Got an axe? Ring the bell.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

If Jerome's in there, he'll probably answer.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, anything to make the police force happy.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Mr. Diamond.

[Richard Diamond]

What is that? That is Jerome over in the window.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

You will have to climb in here.

[Richard Diamond]

Come on, Walt.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

We can't do that.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Who's that with you? Diamond?

[Richard Diamond]

This is Lonely Levinson. Jerome. He collects bodies.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Oh, good. He'll just love this one. Climb in.

[Richard Diamond]

Coming all.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Oh, go ahead. If there's a corpse in there, it's in the line of duty.

[Richard Diamond]

I'll give you a Boost.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

I can make it.

[Richard Diamond]

Watch you read. Old Fairberry.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

You shut up.

[Richard Diamond]

There. All right, Red Heart, you're next. Up, up and away.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Oh, I'm glad to see you both. I was getting tired of sitting around with her. The conversation was so one sided.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Sitting around with who?

[Helen Asher]

Her.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Rick.

[Richard Diamond]

Yeah.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Do I qualify, Mr. Diamond?

[Helen Asher]

Mm.

[Richard Diamond]

Young girl been dead quite a while. Jerome.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Yes, boss.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, Ricky, how you found it?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Well, this room is supposed to be sealed up.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Sealed up?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Yes, the building is a museum. Not a very good one. I have much better things in my apartment.

[Richard Diamond]

Uh. Oh, we're losing him. Jerome. How you found her? Oh, oh, oh.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Well, when the building is open to the public, they take you on tours. When we passed this room, we noticed it was sealed. I asked why and the guard said it was because the late Mr. Osterham had stipulated in his will that the rest of the house could be shown. But not this room. It was his private study. And he said if he ever wanted to come back, he didn't want a lot of people cluttering it up.

[Richard Diamond]

Who broke it in?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

I did.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

You did? Don't they have burglar alarms in this museum, Mr. Diamond?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Lonely Levinson has an extreme case of super sensitivity. Does he always snap like that?

[Richard Diamond]

Only when he hasn't been fed. Why did you break in?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

You should be careful, Mr. Lonely Levinson. You bite someone. Have you been checked for rabies?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Now you listen to me. Walt. Walt.

[Richard Diamond]

Walt. Jerome, why did you break in?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Well, it's perfectly obvious. When the guard told me the story, I played along with him. Of course, I knew it was just a trick to throw me off. Of course. Would you mind turning your head? It's much better if you just chew on that curtain. Well, I. I waited until they closed the place. Then I came back, jimmied this window and found the body. Then I came to you, Mr. Diamond. Simple.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, sure.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Rick, what are you doing?

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, just looking at the dead girl. Come here.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Ah. You find something?

[Richard Diamond]

Yeah, got on an anklet. Name is Strike a match, will you?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Wait a minute.

[Richard Diamond]

There, Adelaide.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Looks like she's been dead quite a while.

[Richard Diamond]

Yeah. Jerome, when you found.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Hey, Jerome, he's gone.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, we're a couple of swell sleuths. He's not out on the street. Must have climbed out and run for it.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

I'll send out a general on him.

[Richard Diamond]

Yeah, I would if I were you. A guy like that shouldn't be run around loose. He's allowed to wind up on Stromboli. Well, Walt, put out a general alarm on Jerome and Then called in the rest of the experts to give him the dope on the day. I didn't wait around because I had a hunch that Jerome would find me again. I was right, because at that moment, he was sitting in my office behind my desk.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Diamond Detective Agency.

[Helen Asher]

Rick, who is this? Oh, now, stop clowning. This is Helen.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Never heard of you. Why don't you dames leave me alone? By the light of the silvery moon I guess I'll have to write some new lyrics. Oh, dear. Yes, what is it?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Well, you sure got there in a hurry.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Who is this?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Now, you stop that, Diamond. You know very well who this is.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

What do you want? Stupid. Stupid? Yeah. Rhymes with Cupid. Could do a song on it. Like to hear my latest? I've been working on the railroad all day. What kind of a song do you suppose I could write with Stupid and Cupid? Oh, hello, Mr. Diamond.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

What's going on?

[Richard Diamond]

Well, hello, Jerome. Taking my calls for me?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Yes, and wait till you hear the pixie I've got on the line here.

[Richard Diamond]

Thanks. Hello, Walt.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Rick?

[Richard Diamond]

Yeah. You were talking to Jerome. I just came in.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

I might have known it. Don't let him out of your sight.

[Richard Diamond]

Of course not. Now, what did you find out?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Oh. Oh, yeah. The dead girl is one Adelaide Smith. Had a record. Blackmail artist. Been dead about three days. Working for a Patrick Mahaffy, Attorney on Pine Street. She was strangled.

[Richard Diamond]

Blackmail artist, huh? Very smooth.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Or used to be.

[Richard Diamond]

Any lying on Mahaffy's background?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

We're checking into that now.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, find out one thing more for me, will you?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

If I can. What?

[Richard Diamond]

When that museum was open to the public.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

That's easy.

[Richard Diamond]

I'll call you back. Hold on to that Jerome guy. Oh, sure, sure. Walt. Yeah? Jerome's gone again. What by. Oh, sorry to bust in, but you seem to be missing your secretary. Come in, come in.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

My secretary just walked out the other day. I haven't had time to get another from the agency.

[Richard Diamond]

Are you Patrick Mahaffy?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Yes. What can I do for you?

[Richard Diamond]

Was your secretary's name Adelaide Smith?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Why, yes. How did you know?

[Richard Diamond]

From the police. They just put a tag on her down at the morgue. Good Lord.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

She. She isn't.

[Richard Diamond]

She certainly is. The morgue is very choosy about its tenants.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Oh, that's terrible. What was it an accident?

[Richard Diamond]

Well, if it was, the insurance companies are going to have to set up a new system. She was strangled. Oh, how horrible. Yes. You. You're an attorney, aren't you, Mr. Mahaffey?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Why, yes.

[Announcer John Storm]

Are you from the police?

[Richard Diamond]

I just left him what kind of an attorney?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Why, just general law.

[Richard Diamond]

Ever do anything you could be blackmail? For what?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Why, why, of course not.

[Richard Diamond]

Ever have any business with the Osterham estate?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

No, no, I never handled any of the Osterham business.

[Richard Diamond]

Why? Oh. Oh, nothing. I'll see you later. Mr. Mahaffey.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Homicide.

[Richard Diamond]

Lieutenant Levinson, Walt Diamond. What did you find out about Mahaffy, Rick?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

There's something fishy.

[Richard Diamond]

You gotta stop going to these cheap restaurants.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Oh, be serious. That Mahaffy guy was executor for the Osterham estate.

[Richard Diamond]

What?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Yeah, funny coincidence.

[Richard Diamond]

Coincidence, my shoulder holster. I just left him and he told me he'd never even heard of the Osterham estate.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Now, why would he do that? He's certainly smart enough to know we could check.

[Richard Diamond]

Maybe he wanted time enough to skip.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

You think he's mixed up in the killing?

[Richard Diamond]

Did you find out when the museum was open to the public?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Yeah. The city completed the alterations two days ago. And if it means anything to you, that room was sealed up on the last day.

[Richard Diamond]

Thanks, Walt.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

And something else. We checked on the dead girl's bank account. She had 22,000 at it. A lot for a secretary, huh?

[Richard Diamond]

Yeah, but not too much for a high class blackmailer. Do one more thing for me, Walt. Find out if Osterham had any heirs.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

What good will that do?

[Richard Diamond]

I want to find out just how many people would know about that sealed room before the public got wind of it.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Okay. I'll have my happy picked up right away.

[Richard Diamond]

No, no, no. Don't do it yet. I want 10 minutes with him. Where's his house?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

I got it right here. 93rd Street, West End Avenue. But I don't see why you won't let me grab Mahaffey. We know he's lying.

[Richard Diamond]

You just check on that will. I'm gonna throw you a killer. I left the phone booth and headed for West End Avenue and Patrick Mahaffy's residence. Strangely enough, it was on the west side of town. And when I got there, I spotted a green sedan in front of the house. I started up to the front door, and Mahaffy met me halfway. He had a suitcase and he was in a hurry. Oh, it's you. Your memory's getting better. Come on. You don't want to leave right now. Let's go back inside.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

But I have to catch a plane. I'm leaving town on business.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, I'll bet you are. Let's go.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Now, wait just a minute. You have no legal right.

[Richard Diamond]

Do I have to show you my biceps?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Well, all right, but make it brief. I'm late as it is. Now, just what is this all about?

[Richard Diamond]

I thought you said you didn't have any business with the Osterham estate.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Why, that's right.

[Richard Diamond]

I checked. Oh. Just exactly what was your capacity?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Well, I. I handled the incomes on the trust account. I was also the executor of the will.

[Richard Diamond]

You wouldn't be handling it now, would you?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

When Mr. Osterham died and I executed his will, my job was done.

[Richard Diamond]

Were there any heirs? Two.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Neither of them were able to hear the reading.

[Richard Diamond]

Who did hear it?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Just an official from the city.

[Richard Diamond]

Why weren't the heirs present?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Because one of them couldn't be found. The other one was in a kennel and A kennel? A cocker Spaniel. He received $10,000.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, I bet he rolled right over on his back. Who was the other heir?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Mr. Osterham's nephew. He hasn't been heard from in 10 years. He went to France to study hat designing, but hat jobs were very scarce. So he just vanished. He was rather eccentric.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

How?

[Richard Diamond]

Now we come to the jackpot question. What you got in the bag?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

What?

[Richard Diamond]

You look a little green. Open it up.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Now, look, you can't do this to me. It's against the law. Where's your warrant?

[Richard Diamond]

I got a fistful of them, see?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Oh, all right. There.

[Richard Diamond]

Dump it out.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

But I've got to catch a plane if I dump all this.

[Richard Diamond]

Dump it out. Well, well, well.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Yes, It's a lot of money, isn't it?

[Richard Diamond]

Sure is.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Isn't it lovely?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Well, I'm glad you like it. Go ahead, take half.

[Richard Diamond]

I was hoping you wouldn't say that. Why not? Because I'll hate myself for the next two years. Put it back in the bag and let's go.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

But I'm offering you $100,000. You must be a fool.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, this is a very elementary deduction. Come on, you can figure it out in Sing Sing.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

I don't think so. You should have looked in my pocket too.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, I hope that's an old pipe you're pointing at me.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

I hate to disappoint you. It's a.38. Now you're turning green.

[Richard Diamond]

Now, you better answer it. That's the police, and they know I'm here.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

All right.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

But you say one thing wrong, and I'll have to shut you up permanently.

[Richard Diamond]

Yes?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Is diamond there?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Yes.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Let me talk to him.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

All right. You were right. It's for you. Go ahead, talk to him.

[Richard Diamond]

But I warn you again. Hello?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

I'm getting tired of dialing. Everything all right?

[Richard Diamond]

Just dandy what did you find out?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

There were two heirs. And get this.

[Richard Diamond]

One of them was a cocker spaniel.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

How did you know?

[Richard Diamond]

What else?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

That guy Mahaffey's a crook. We checked and found out that there's only about 10,000 left in the trust fund. The bank says Mahaffy had power of attorney and he'd drawn out about 200,000. You got him there with you?

[Richard Diamond]

Yeah, but it's all in the way you look at it.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Oh, it's like that, huh? Let's see if you can stall him. There ought to be a prowl car nearby.

[Richard Diamond]

Goodbye, Walt.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Did you get the information you wanted?

[Richard Diamond]

Yeah. You killed the girl, probably because she found out you were dipping into the till. You paid her 10,000, then got her over to the museum and strangled her.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

I took the money. Yes, but you're just guessing about the murder.

[Richard Diamond]

Uh, no one else. But you knew about that closed room until after it was sealed and the public was told the girl was killed the day before the room was sealed. You figured she'd never be found. But a little guy named Jerome J. Jerome went in and found the body. And if I'm right, little Jerome is really the missing heir. Impossible. Wasn't the museum rigged with a burglar alarm?

[Patrick Mahaffey]

Yes.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, we found Jerome inside and the window open. He'd climbed in, but the alarm hadn't gone off. Simple. A member of the family might still have a key. He found the alarm and disconnected.

[Patrick Mahaffey]

I don't believe it.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

But you must, Mr. Mahaffey. What?

[Richard Diamond]

No, it can't be.

[Helen Asher]

Oh.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Well, you really throw a Beautiful left jab, Mr. Diamond.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, thanks for turning his head, Jerome. Now, would you mind telling me something just to sort of clear things up a little?

[Jerome J. Jerome]

You mean, am I really cracked?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

No.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Like Mr. Mahaffey said, just a little eccentric. You see, I found out the money was missing, so I looked up the girl. She told me for 20,000 she'd show me the thief. She told me to meet her at the museum that night and the thief would be there. When I got there, she was dead. Well, I knew I couldn't solve the case myself. And if anyone found out who I really was, I might be held. So I became Jerome J. Jerome and hired Richard Diamond.

[Richard Diamond]

Correction. I was not hired.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Correction again. You receive a very substantial check as soon as the estate is settled. And thank you.

[Richard Diamond]

Thank you.

[Jerome J. Jerome]

Oh, you might do me one more favor. If you know anyone who would like to buy a hat, I have got some dillies.

[Richard Diamond]

I'll speak to Hedda Hopper in.

[Helen Asher]

Rig.

[Richard Diamond]

Mm. Yeah.

[Helen Asher]

Well, It's. It's lovely, but.

[Richard Diamond]

But you don't like it?

[Helen Asher]

Well, yes.

[Richard Diamond]

What's the matter?

[Helen Asher]

I don't know what it is.

[Richard Diamond]

You don't know what it is? It's a hat.

[Helen Asher]

A hat?

[Richard Diamond]

Certainly. Yeah.

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

Here, give it to me.

[Richard Diamond]

Now, look, you put it on this way, see?

[Lieutenant Walt Levinson]

What are you laughing at?

[Helen Asher]

Oh, no.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, yes. I might even do a Hildegard if I got the right bookings. Pair of long gloves already. So then my heart sings When I remember little things the way you.

[Helen Asher]

Rick, now stop it.

[Richard Diamond]

I will not. I may have found a way to make a million. You're just jealous, that's all. I've got the hat and I'm pretty.

[Helen Asher]

Just sing a song and finish it for a change.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, I love to. I don't know from nothing, baby All I know is I love you I don't care for nothing, baby if I knew you cared for me too so won't you make your mind up, baby Tell me that you love me Please do. For I don't know from nothing, baby All I know is I love you. We bought a sponsor. All I know is I love you. Well, there you are. I finished it. Are you happy?

[Helen Asher]

Well, yes, but where did the band come from?

[Richard Diamond]

Did you like it?

[Helen Asher]

Yes, it was great.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, if it's great, don't ask questions.

[Helen Asher]

Thank you. Von Monroe.

[Richard Diamond]

Honey, the name is diamond.

[Helen Asher]

Oh, Mr. Monroe, I just love your record.

[Richard Diamond]

No, no, baby, the name is Diamond.

[Helen Asher]

Mr. Monroe, ever since the first time I heard you sing, I've come here. I want to tell you something.

[Richard Diamond]

Racing with the moon Sailing through the midnight Bl.

[Announcer John Storm]

You have just heard Richard Diamond, Private Detective, starring Dick Powell. Helen was played by Virginia Greg. Lt. Levinson by Ed Begley. Also in the cast were Williams, Herbert, Joseph Kearns and Stanley Waxman. Music was under the direction of Frank Worth. Richard diamond is written by Blake Edwards and directed by Richard Sandville. Dick Powell soon will be seen in the current screen version of the best selling novel, Mrs. Mike. Now this is John Storm inviting you to be with us again at the same time next week when we will again bring you Dick Powell as Richard Diamond, Private Detective. You don't have to go to Alabama. You don't have to eat ham hocks and butter beans. All you have to do is enjoy Phil Harris and his ever loving wife Alice Faye when they return to NBC tomorrow for 30 minutes of Southern Fried Joy. Lend an ear to Phil Harris Alice Fay show returning tomorrow on most of these same NBC stations. You're tuned for the stars on NBC.